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* Posts by Crisp

2010 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Polymer droplets turn smartmobes into microscopes

Crisp
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Re: This isn't a killer app

It would make the pictures of my junk more interesting for a start...

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US judge: Our digital search warrants apply ANYWHERE

Crisp
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Re: Conflicting Laws

Good point Number 6!

Can American courts compel a citizen to commit a crime in another country? I can't wait to find out the answer!

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Silk Road dealer 'SuperTrips' faces 40 years for DVD drug imports

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: American Manufacturing

Hey! What about your booming Crystal Meth industry?

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It woz the Reg wot won it: UK mobe network EE fixes voicemail hack flaw

Crisp
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How are anti-terror police supposed to listen to my voice mail now?

I'm going to have to start getting people to leave me messages on Viber.

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Apple, Google, Intel, Adobe, settle employee-fiddling class action suit

Crisp
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Yet again...

I wish I worked for Google. (or Apple, Intel, or Adobe)

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Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her

Crisp
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She is extremely pink!

Are the authorities sure she's human?

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Boffins claim machines now beat humans at face-matching

Crisp
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How is it at arse matching?

I need to know for a friend.

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Algorithm ramps up genetic computation

Crisp
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RNA molecules

Upvote for expression.

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AOL Mail locks down email servers to deal with spam tsunami

Crisp
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Re: America On Line does not track you

Would you be interested in buying a bridge?

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Mounties always get their man: Heartbleed 'hacker', 19, CUFFED

Crisp
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He should have used 7 proxies.

See Title.

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Look out, bankers! It's Lily Cole and her (Brit taxpayer-funded) WISH-PRINTING ATM

Crisp
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Re: Someone vomited hashtags all over impossible.com

#yes, #but #you #can't #have #a #modern #site #without #hashtags!

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Crisp
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Urgh! What a god awful site!

It's slow. So slow. The interface is awkward and difficult to navigate. It looks like someone has decided to use pretty much every single transition known to JQuery to display, move or hide elements (and there's no way to turn it off.). It looks like one of those Web 2.0 websites where every flashy new technology has been used just for the sake of it.

There's no verification of users. Yes, you can create an account with bogus credentials and then upload anything you like. The entire site is full of schoolboy errors like this. I don't know about you, but for £200K I expected more.

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New FEMTO-MOON sighted BIRTHING from Saturn's RING

Crisp
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Re: DON'T PANIC

No one likes Comic Sans.

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NSA denies it knew about and USED Heartbleed encryption flaw for TWO YEARS

Crisp
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Anything prefixed with "NSA denies"

Can be taken as the gospel truth.

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Want a free Bosch steam iron? You'll have to TALK TO THE DEAD

Crisp
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Ouija boards

Probably one of the few communication methods left that aren't under constant surveillance by the NSA.

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It may be ILLEGAL to run Heartbleed health checks – IT lawyer

Crisp
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Would it contravene the Computer Misuse Act?

AFAIK, and IANAL: There is precedent set for using the function of a system, even though such a function may not be intended behaviour. (Old Bailey trial 3 Oct. 1973)

However, taking the information gained and using that to circumvent a security measure would be contravening the act.

Disclaimer: The above is pure speculation. Again, IANAL.

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

Crisp
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Alert

Re: He's relevant, regardless of how ignorant he is.

That's even worse!

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Crisp
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It's quite sad really...

Rupert Murdoch thinks he's relevant and has something to contribute. Yet the man continually demonstrates his ignorance every time he utters his opinion.

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Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet

Crisp
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Re: How about trial by combat?

Two MPs enter!

One MP leaves!

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Crisp
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Re: poacher/gamekeeper

How about trial by jury for MPs?

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Snowden lawyer PGP email 'crack' flap: What REALLY happened?

Crisp
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-----BEGIN PGP MESSAGE-----

Version: GnuPG v2.0.17 (MingW32)

It's all plain text now baby!

-----END PGP MESSAGE-----

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Honeybee boffin STINGS OWN WEDDING TACKLE... for SCIENCE

Crisp
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Re: Did it double his manhood in size?

I too was wondering if there was any swelling.

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David Cameron defends BT's taxpayer-funded broadband 'monopoly': It's a 'success story'

Crisp
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I don't think that Prime Minister David Cameron knows what he's defending.

But he's just gone an squandered a ton of public money, so he's got to say something.

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Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Crisp
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Is the headline similar to a Daily Mail article?

Has El Reg journalism sinking to the lowest common denominator?

Can you replace facts with wild speculation if you phrase it in the form of a question?

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Want to see at night? Here comes the infrared CONTACT LENS

Crisp
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Will this give me Terminator style night vision?

See Title.

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How Microsoft can keep Win XP alive – and WHY: A real-world example

Crisp
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Go

I read as far as the $500k a year development job...

And immediately started updating my CV

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FCC doubles 5GHz spectrum in prep for one-gigabit Wi-Fi

Crisp
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Re: peanut butter and jelly

Bacon and tomato sauce surely!

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BlackBerry sucker-punches TV star Ryan Seacrest in patent brawl

Crisp
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As far as I'm concerned...

All Qwerty keyboards are practically the same. Mostly from the necessity of having all the keys in a place where a touch typists fingers know where to find them.

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CERN team uses GPUs to discover if antimatter falls up, not down

Crisp
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I can totally see this working.

Machines may be better placed to discover chunks of data that the scientists weren't expecting or even looking for.

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UK cops: Keep yer golden doubloons, ad folk. Yon websites belong ta PIRATES

Crisp
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"We are not making the IWL public."

Then how am I supposed to check to see if any of my websites are on it?

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Crisp
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Re: block the domain from being accessed

Great idea :) That should solve the problem once and for all!

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Google researcher says government hack attacks on journos on the rise

Crisp
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Re: Time for a big step back?

Upvote for the Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines reference. :)

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Facebook, you fools! Forget Oculus, you could have bought TRON-type headsets

Crisp
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There is smut available in 3D SBS format

Why wasn't this the subheading?

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Meet the man building an AI that mimics our neocortex – and could kill off neural networks

Crisp
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Re: Advanced AI is being developed to replace YOU who read this comment

Someone's developing an AI that drinks coffee and post comments on El Reg all day instead of writing code?

Who would do something like that?

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Watch your brain LIVE in 3D, then train your mind from inside it

Crisp
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I can use my brain to fly through my brain to see my brain thinking about my brain?

Mind. Blown.

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Dutch doctors replace woman's skull with 3D-printed plastic copy

Crisp
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Terminator

How long until we can print the rest of the human?

It's only a matter of time...

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Hot, young under-25s: Lonely slab strokers who shun TV

Crisp
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Don't have a telly here either.

It's just easier to download shows off the internet and watch them at your convenience. Or indeed, in your convenience.

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Sick of walking into things while gawping at your iPhone? Apple has a patent app. for that

Crisp
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Or they could just use Google Glass...

Just saying...

...ok ok! I'm going!

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Judge throws out lawsuit lobbed at Facebook for using kids' pics in targeted ads

Crisp
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Minors can give consent now?

District Judge Richard Seeborg might want to rethink that decision!

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Facebook Oculus VR buyout: IT WANTS your EYEBALLS

Crisp
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I was worried that Zuckerberg literally wanted my eyeballs then

I wouldn't put it past him though. I'm going to start checking app permissions a little bit more carefully now.

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Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Crisp
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Oh Cecilia!

You're breaking my heart.

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

Crisp
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Re: HAL ... evil AI creation.

I totally agree. HAL wasn't evil, just misguided.

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Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Crisp
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It couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of theives

It'll do no good for Albert Ransom, but I do take a little bit of delight in seeing someone get their comeuppance.

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

Crisp
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MS DOS Didn't get good until version 3.2

But you still needed a separate boot disk if you wanted to play video games. Unless you were some kind of batch file wizard.

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MPs blast HMRC for using anti-terrorism laws against whistleblower

Crisp
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Terrorism laws being used for something other than combating terrorism?

Margaret Hodge is a little late to the party isn't she? Or is passing bad laws only something she takes an interest in when it directly embarrasses her?

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Move over Microsoft: RealNetworks has a GOOGLE problem

Crisp
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RealPlayer! Wow!

Let me fire up a 56K modem, connect to Compuserve, and download a movie that will crap out at 76%.

That takes me back!

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RISE of the LIVING CHAIR: Boffins recruit E coli to build futuristic materials

Crisp
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So what do I do when my sofa eats my coffee table?

See title.

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Crisp
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Re: Like El Reg readers have never had that experience before.

Sugar Free Gummi Bears

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TV sales PLUMMET. But no one's prepared to say what we all know

Crisp
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Re: "5 blade jobbie."

Try a single blade Bic. I find that the multi-blade razors tend to accumulate hair between the blades, reducing efficiency. Which probably explains why they work better when you rub it backwards down your leg.

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How to Poo on a Date wins odd book title of the year

Crisp
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Coffee/keyboard

We’d have been disappointed to be number two.

Ronald Hall owes me a new keyboard.

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