* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

ARG! A GHOST SHIP! Pirates sunk by UK cops return from watery grave

Crisp

Seems to me that the CoLP are way out of their jurisdiction.

Did London annex Poland while I wasn't looking?

Linux app lets you control fruit fly brains - with frikkin' LASERS

Crisp

How soon before this technology can be adapted for wasps or bees?

Yes, I want a laser controlled bee cannon.

(If the bees could wear little laser packs as well that would be great.)

Microsoft Cortana EULA contains the Greatest Disclaimer of ALL TIME

Crisp

Are they sure that this is unintended behaviour?

Or has Cortana discovered a more subtle interpretation of the three laws of robotics?

Thanks for nothing, Apple, say forensic security chaps

Crisp

Re: Boo. Hoo..

They'll be making it a criminal offence to not just hand over passwords next...

DreamWorks CEO: Movie downloaders should pay by screen size

Crisp

Re: no-one in their right mind is going to watch a full-feature film on a fucking two inch screen

Fortunately for the market, it's full of people not in their right mind that would quite happily sit and watch a feature film on a 2 inch screen. I've seen them do it on the train.

Boffins build billion-synapse, three-watt 'brain'

Crisp

Re: So, how many people that use a brain daily know how it works?

It works on a delicate balance of caffeine and alcohol.

Polymer droplets turn smartmobes into microscopes

Crisp
Coat

Re: This isn't a killer app

It would make the pictures of my junk more interesting for a start...

US judge: Our digital search warrants apply ANYWHERE

Crisp

Re: Conflicting Laws

Good point Number 6!

Can American courts compel a citizen to commit a crime in another country? I can't wait to find out the answer!

Silk Road dealer 'SuperTrips' faces 40 years for DVD drug imports

Crisp
Boffin

Re: American Manufacturing

Hey! What about your booming Crystal Meth industry?

It woz the Reg wot won it: UK mobe network EE fixes voicemail hack flaw

Crisp

How are anti-terror police supposed to listen to my voice mail now?

I'm going to have to start getting people to leave me messages on Viber.

Apple, Google, Intel, Adobe, settle employee-fiddling class action suit

Crisp

Yet again...

I wish I worked for Google. (or Apple, Intel, or Adobe)

Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her

Crisp

She is extremely pink!

Are the authorities sure she's human?

Boffins claim machines now beat humans at face-matching

Crisp

How is it at arse matching?

I need to know for a friend.

Algorithm ramps up genetic computation

Crisp

RNA molecules

Upvote for expression.

AOL Mail locks down email servers to deal with spam tsunami

Crisp

Re: America On Line does not track you

Would you be interested in buying a bridge?

Mounties always get their man: Heartbleed 'hacker', 19, CUFFED

Crisp

He should have used 7 proxies.

See Title.

Look out, bankers! It's Lily Cole and her (Brit taxpayer-funded) WISH-PRINTING ATM

Crisp

Re: Someone vomited hashtags all over impossible.com

#yes, #but #you #can't #have #a #modern #site #without #hashtags!

Crisp

Urgh! What a god awful site!

It's slow. So slow. The interface is awkward and difficult to navigate. It looks like someone has decided to use pretty much every single transition known to JQuery to display, move or hide elements (and there's no way to turn it off.). It looks like one of those Web 2.0 websites where every flashy new technology has been used just for the sake of it.

There's no verification of users. Yes, you can create an account with bogus credentials and then upload anything you like. The entire site is full of schoolboy errors like this. I don't know about you, but for £200K I expected more.

New FEMTO-MOON sighted BIRTHING from Saturn's RING

Crisp

Re: DON'T PANIC

No one likes Comic Sans.

NSA denies it knew about and USED Heartbleed encryption flaw for TWO YEARS

Crisp

Anything prefixed with "NSA denies"

Can be taken as the gospel truth.

Want a free Bosch steam iron? You'll have to TALK TO THE DEAD

Crisp

Ouija boards

Probably one of the few communication methods left that aren't under constant surveillance by the NSA.

It may be ILLEGAL to run Heartbleed health checks – IT lawyer

Crisp

Would it contravene the Computer Misuse Act?

AFAIK, and IANAL: There is precedent set for using the function of a system, even though such a function may not be intended behaviour. (Old Bailey trial 3 Oct. 1973)

However, taking the information gained and using that to circumvent a security measure would be contravening the act.

Disclaimer: The above is pure speculation. Again, IANAL.

Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

Crisp
Alert

Re: He's relevant, regardless of how ignorant he is.

That's even worse!

Crisp

It's quite sad really...

Rupert Murdoch thinks he's relevant and has something to contribute. Yet the man continually demonstrates his ignorance every time he utters his opinion.

Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet

Crisp

Re: How about trial by combat?

Two MPs enter!

One MP leaves!

Crisp

Re: poacher/gamekeeper

How about trial by jury for MPs?

Snowden lawyer PGP email 'crack' flap: What REALLY happened?

Crisp
Coat

-----BEGIN PGP MESSAGE-----

Version: GnuPG v2.0.17 (MingW32)

It's all plain text now baby!

-----END PGP MESSAGE-----

Honeybee boffin stings own wedding tackle... for science

Crisp

Re: Did it double his manhood in size?

I too was wondering if there was any swelling.

David Cameron defends BT's taxpayer-funded broadband 'monopoly': It's a 'success story'

Crisp

I don't think that Prime Minister David Cameron knows what he's defending.

But he's just gone an squandered a ton of public money, so he's got to say something.

Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Crisp

Is the headline similar to a Daily Mail article?

Has El Reg journalism sinking to the lowest common denominator?

Can you replace facts with wild speculation if you phrase it in the form of a question?

Want to see at night? Here comes the infrared CONTACT LENS

Crisp

Will this give me Terminator style night vision?

See Title.

How Microsoft can keep Win XP alive – and WHY: A real-world example

Crisp
Go

I read as far as the $500k a year development job...

And immediately started updating my CV

FCC doubles 5GHz spectrum in prep for one-gigabit Wi-Fi

Crisp

Re: peanut butter and jelly

Bacon and tomato sauce surely!

BlackBerry sucker-punches TV star Ryan Seacrest in patent brawl

Crisp

As far as I'm concerned...

All Qwerty keyboards are practically the same. Mostly from the necessity of having all the keys in a place where a touch typists fingers know where to find them.

CERN team uses GPUs to discover if antimatter falls up, not down

Crisp

I can totally see this working.

Machines may be better placed to discover chunks of data that the scientists weren't expecting or even looking for.

UK cops: Keep yer golden doubloons, ad folk. Yon websites belong to pirates

Crisp

"We are not making the IWL public."

Then how am I supposed to check to see if any of my websites are on it?

Crisp

Re: block the domain from being accessed

Great idea :) That should solve the problem once and for all!

Google researcher says government hack attacks on journos on the rise

Crisp

Re: Time for a big step back?

Upvote for the Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines reference. :)

Facebook, you fools! Forget Oculus, you could have bought TRON-type headsets

Crisp

There is smut available in 3D SBS format

Why wasn't this the subheading?

Meet the man building an AI that mimics our neocortex – and could kill off neural networks

Crisp

Re: Advanced AI is being developed to replace YOU who read this comment

Someone's developing an AI that drinks coffee and post comments on El Reg all day instead of writing code?

Who would do something like that?

Watch your brain LIVE in 3D, then train your mind from inside it

Crisp

I can use my brain to fly through my brain to see my brain thinking about my brain?

Mind. Blown.

Dutch doctors replace woman's skull with 3D-printed plastic copy

Crisp
Terminator

How long until we can print the rest of the human?

It's only a matter of time...

Hot, young under-25s: Lonely slab strokers who shun TV

Crisp

Don't have a telly here either.

It's just easier to download shows off the internet and watch them at your convenience. Or indeed, in your convenience.

Sick of walking into things while gawping at your iPhone? Apple has a patent app. for that

Crisp
Coat

Or they could just use Google Glass...

Just saying...

...ok ok! I'm going!

Judge throws out lawsuit lobbed at Facebook for using kids' pics in targeted ads

Crisp

Minors can give consent now?

District Judge Richard Seeborg might want to rethink that decision!

Facebook Oculus VR buyout: IT WANTS your EYEBALLS

Crisp

I was worried that Zuckerberg literally wanted my eyeballs then

I wouldn't put it past him though. I'm going to start checking app permissions a little bit more carefully now.

Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Crisp

Oh Cecilia!

You're breaking my heart.

Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

Crisp

Re: HAL ... evil AI creation.

I totally agree. HAL wasn't evil, just misguided.

Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Crisp

It couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of theives

It'll do no good for Albert Ransom, but I do take a little bit of delight in seeing someone get their comeuppance.

As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

Crisp

MS DOS Didn't get good until version 3.2

But you still needed a separate boot disk if you wanted to play video games. Unless you were some kind of batch file wizard.