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* Posts by Crisp

1970 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Bank whips out palm-recognition kit - and a severed hand won't work

Crisp
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Re: I wonder how they tested the "will not work with a severed hand" part.

Gimme Five!

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Incoming comet will probably miss Mars, says NASA

Crisp
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Re: IT BEGINS!

Let's hope that it doesn't have a solid core of naqahdah...

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Boffins implant almost-cellphone in the BRAIN

Crisp
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How do you model one system onto another completely incompatible one?

I don't know. I'll have a go at figuring it out after I've taken this pen and paper business process and automated it on my PC.

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Military-industrial patent troll demands BEEELLIONS from Cisco

Crisp
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How could anyone have granted those patents?

Which can be paraphrased as "What the internet already does."

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Welsh bureaucrats busted for getting political on Twitter, Facebook

Crisp
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The UK Civil Service has a code governing honesty?

I wonder what it says?

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Anonymous becomes peacemaker as hacktivists battle

Crisp
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And what exactly have you done to try and make the world a better place today?

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LHC spots mesons flipping between matter and antimatter

Crisp
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Go

Mesons play for both sides in polarity switch shocker!

So where's the sexy footage of mesons oscillating?

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US lawmaker blames bicycle breath for global warming gas

Crisp
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Go

Technically he's right.

But you can produce as much CO2 if not more, by sitting around talking bullshit all day long.

And lets face it, there's a lot more of that going on than cycling.

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US gov cash slash threatens manned trips to asteroids and Mars

Crisp
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Re: how much use would you or I get from that?

Probably about the same amount of use as the Apollo program. In other words... A lot.

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Apple 'insider' explains why vid adapter hides ARM computer

Crisp
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Re: Just get a Raspberry Pi

And just how am I ^H^H^H^H is a hacker supposed to convince someone to hook up their iDevice to a raspberry pi to steal their credit card info?

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Crisp
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Boffin

I wonder if you can hack the cable...

Maybe get that little ARM chip to do something useful.

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Storage glitch sends Curiosity into safe mode

Crisp
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Re: Three digital watches...

But do any of them display the right time?

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SpaceX Dragon eventually snared by ISS

Crisp
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Re: It's never embarrassing to fix a problem.

We all make mistakes. It's embarrassing not to learn from them. There's nothing embarrassing about fixing them.

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Chinese Army: US hacks us so much, I'm amazed you can read this

Crisp
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Re: Security isn't a dirty word

Darling: So you see, Blackadder, Field Marshal Haig is most anxious to eliminate all these German spies.

Melchett: Filthy Hun weasels fighting their dirty underhand war!

Darling: And, fortunately, one of *our* spies--

Melchett: Splendid fellows, brave heroes, risking life and limb for Blighty!

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Cambridge boffins reveal prehistoric prawn monster

Crisp
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Have they named it yet?

Why not Zoidberg?

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Mind-melded rats could herald organic BRAIN-COMPUTERS

Crisp
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Yeah, you're going to need to replace all that with Rat 5.

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Crisp
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Re: ""Rats don't have a sense of self"

Are they sure that rats don't have a sense of self?

My rats apparently seem to have a sense of self. Which I can demonstrate with two rats, a mirror and a banana chip.

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Big Blighty telcos ordered to block three BitTorrent search sites

Crisp
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Blighty telcos ordered to play whack-a-mole again.

This should solve the problem once and for all.

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First, servers were DEEP-FRIED... now, boffins bring you WET ones

Crisp
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Interesting Article

But what does it taste like?

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Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Crisp
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"Dangerous Ordnance"

As if there is any other kind!

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Microsoft finally ships Internet Explorer 10 for Windows 7

Crisp
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Re: Everything is now Square.

Of course everything is now square. It's the only geometric shape that's still in the public domain.

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Crisp
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Compatibility Support Calls in 3... 2... 1...

I'm so glad I don't work on a helldesk any more.

I really feel for those of you that do though.

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US insurer punts 'bestiality' to wide-eyed kiddies, gasp 'mums'

Crisp
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Re: Game of Thrones

I love that show! It's so refreshing to watch something that treats it's audience like adults.

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Yet more world+dog patent suits, this time over encryption

Crisp
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This is why we can't have nice things.

I can't believe that Maz Technologies filed those patents with a straight face.

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Welcome to our Wi-Fi: Devicescape reinvents landing page

Crisp
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Re: I wonder if that is legal?

Clicking isn't signing a contract.

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DHS bigwig 'adamantly opposed' to degree fetishism

Crisp
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Re: Which country is the degree from?

Actually, yes I would. The Chinese have done a sterling job of cracking american systems.

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Boffin shows pics of germs grown on SPOTTY STUDENTS' MOBES

Crisp
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Re: This article reads remarkably like...

I've never understood why I should be worried about the bacteria in my toilet bowl.

I don't eat from it, wash in it, or drink the water from it.

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Ancient lost continent discovered lounging on Mauritian beach

Crisp
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The boffins did not say whether the lost continent was that of Atlantis, Mu or Lemuria.

Because that would have been very silly.

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Quantum computer one step closer after ‘true’ quantum calculation

Crisp
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Or is there?

Maybe.

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PunkSPIDER project founder defends 'Google for web app vulns'

Crisp
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Re: They have to pay developers

Paying developers to do work?

Let's hope this catches on!

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Drone quadracopters throw and catch inverted pendulum

Crisp
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Terminator

Do these drones remind anyone of a T-1 Aerial?

Surely it can't just be me.

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Apple files 'iWatch' patent application

Crisp
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Re: This is worth a patent?

No.

It's just a flexible display glued to a bistable spring. It's hardly innovative. It's almost the definition of "obvious".

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Perfect sex minx calculated from 'deep' probe of X-rated flicks

Crisp
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No Stoya in that mix up?

They missed a trick there.

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Quit the 2D internet, flee your cave, and GET LAID, barks rock star

Crisp
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Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your PC and Go and Do Something Less Boring Instead?

Fly a kite.

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Tennessee bloke quits job over satanic wage slip

Crisp
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Re: Good riddance?

You'd be in breach of the Equality Act of 2006.

Don't downvote me. I don't make the rules.

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Bioshock Infinite, Devil May Cry, SimCity

Crisp
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These aren't new games.

They are remakes of old ones that I already own.

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Huge rock-hard marble erection shocks Japanese kiddies

Crisp
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Re: It's just a penis.

If anybody needs me, I'll be in my bunk appreciating controversial works of art!

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Crisp
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It's just a penis.

Half the population has one.

The human body is a beautiful thing. Why not celebrate the masculine form?

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Why you need a home lab to keep your job

Crisp
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Re: Where do you get all the software from?

Either open source, or I download developer editions of software from my MSDN account.

BTW, I do actually have a home lab, but that's for my personal use. Not my employers.

Because it's currently geared up to construct an army of robotic super soldiers.

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Crisp
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I don't work for free.

And learning new skills to benefit the company that employs me *is* work.

So I'll be doing my training during work hours thankyouverymuch.

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Earth-like planets abound in red dwarf systems

Crisp
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We need to work on ways of getting there

Preferably within my lifetime.

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UK web snoop charter: Just how much extra info do spooks need?

Crisp
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Who wants to sign my public key?

It's ok, it's just for verifying that messages are actually from me.

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Boffins find 17,425,170-digit prime number

Crisp
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Re: Why are we paying for this research?

To discover more huge prime numbers to feed to the prime number eating monster that lives under Belgium.

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Kickstarter project says open source can blast Death Star costs

Crisp
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Proof Positive

That if enough people want something to happen, we can make it happen!

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Fanbois rejoice: iPhone 5, iPad Mini finally jailbroken

Crisp
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Re: Running Android

Finally! Something useful I can do with my iPad!

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Twitter spends $70m to juice your tweets, tell biz what you want - report

Crisp
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In Capitalist America

Product owns you!

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Bug-hunters: They're coming outta the goddamn walls, aargh!

Crisp
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It's game over man!

Game over!

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Kids as young as FIVE need lessons in online safety - NSPCC

Crisp
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70 per cent more boys had called in about seeing porn online

Were they complaining or boasting?

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US diplomat: If EU allows 'right to be forgotten' ... it might spark TRADE WAR

Crisp
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The USA is sabre rattling again

Europe should not give in to the threats of rogue states.

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Japan hides anti-piracy warning on P2P networks

Crisp
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Re: "which is known to be available for sale"

That's the kind of little loophole that would have made Game of Thrones legal to download.

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