* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

It's Prime Minister Boris Johnson: Tech industry speaks its brains on Brexit-monger's victory

Crisp

Re: We're fucked.

On a long enough timeline, eventually we're all fucked.

Crisp

Re: Who is this "Ivanka Trump" anyway?

The longest and creepiest relationship Trump has ever had with a woman.

Plusnet holds off spirited charge from Vodafone in broadband complaint charts

Crisp

This is exactly the service we've come to expect from Plusnet

I'm lucky if my internet is working.

Speed is something other ISPs have.

Low Barr: Don't give me that crap about security, just put the backdoors in the encryption, roars US Attorney General

Crisp

Re: "Where is the freedom-to-bare brigade on this one?"

I don't know, but the freedom-to-bear brigade were all out swiping picnic baskets.

Pair programming? That's so 2017. Try out this deep-learning AI bot that autocompletes lines of source code for you

Crisp

I don't recommend this tool

It keeps putting the line "Import SkyNet" at the top off all my code...

Elon Musk's new idea is to hook your noggin up to an AI – but is he just insane about the brain?

Crisp

Will this device do anything special to avoid infection?

Or is my brain going to be pwned by the first flash advert I come across?

Yorkshire bloke's Jolly Roger flag given the heave-ho after council receives one complaint

Crisp

You can also cannon a cannon.

Crisp

Re: Why not become a vexillologist?

It's not worth getting in a flap.

You TalkTalk a big game, says ads watchdog, but your testing not good enough to say your Wi-Fi's best

Crisp

Sky Router, Virgin Router, TalkTalk Router

All made in Taiwan!

Brexit? HP Inc laughs in the face of Brexit! Hard or soft, PC maker claims it's 'no significant risk'

Crisp

Re: standard procedure

Wouldn't a champagne fountain go flat pretty quickly?

Sneaky fingerprinting script in Microsoft ad slips onto StackOverflow, against site policy

Crisp

Disrupting the business model of sites that you value

What about disrupting the computers of the people that visit those sites?

Millions of users get affected by malicious code served by advertisers.

AdBlocking only affects the sites you choose to block.

Buckminsterfullerene sounds like the next UK Prime Minister but trust us, it's in fact the largest molecule yet found in interstellar space

Crisp
Coat

Re: Am I the only one thinking

What a bunch of grape puns.

Biz tells ransomware victims it can decrypt their files... by secretly paying off the crooks and banking a fat margin

Crisp

Surely they are aiding and abetting the crime then?

Sounds like an open and shut case under the Proceeds of Crime act.

Google: We're not killing ad blockers. Translation: We made them too powerful, we'll cram this genie back in its bottle

Crisp
Coat

If they want users to view advertisements

Why not pay them to do so?

I'd be quite happy to view a few thousand adverts a month if I got a couple of pounds for each one.

You. Quest and LabCorp. Explain these medical database super-hacks, say US senators as 425,000 more people hit

Crisp

"two years of credit and identity theft monitoring service free of charge"

It sounds like they are helping.

But they are really not.

UK's internet registry prepares a £100m windfall for its board members – and everyone else will pay for it

Crisp
Coat

Smells like... Corruption Stew

See Final Space.

Bad news. Asteroid 1999 KW4 flew by, did not hit Earth killing us all. Good news: Another one, Didymos, is on the way

Crisp

Re: Mitigate?

You'd need a really big umbrella...

Sex and drugs and auto-tune: What motivates a millennial perp?

Crisp
Coat

Some studio did a xxx parody remake of Barbarella

It wasn't that much different.

Egg on North Face: Wikipedia furious after glamp-wear giant swaps article pics for sneaky ad shots – and even brags about it in a video

Crisp

Re: No such thing as bad publicity.

Tell that to Gerald Ratner.

Crisp

Why not send them a bill?

Companies wont stop unscrupulous advertising practices until it impacts their shareholders.

AI systems sieve out catfish from the dating pool in effort to lock away scammers

Crisp

Is this why every match I get wants me to buy them an amazon gift card?

See title.

Long-distance dildo devotee deploys ding-dong over data deceit

Crisp
Coat

An app in the hand is worth beating about the bush.

Unless you lose your bluetooth connection every few minutes.

DRAM, that's cold: Overclockers squeeze out extra Micron DDR4 performance with liquid nitrogen system

Crisp
Go

Do I want a gaming rig with a cooling system that can condense oxygen out of the atmosphere?

Strangely enough... I do.

Dedicated techie risks life and limb to locate office conference phone hiding under newspaper

Crisp

Shouty Bosses

Are usually first in line for some BOFH style karmic retribution.

Guess what shrinks when it gets cold and then you shake it around a little? The Moon. We're talking about the Moon

Crisp

Re: Youve got it wrong

Turning the Moon into a black hole would be expensive.

It would be easier to erect a SEP field around it and just tell people it had turned into a black hole.

Crisp
Coat

Re: Cause?

Maybe someone dropped a Clanger?

AI has automated everything including this headline curly bracket semicolon

Crisp

Re: Most people do just speak in a mixture of idioms and clichés.

There's no closing that can of worms after the horse has bolted.

Cali Right-to-Repair law dropped, cracks screen, has to be taken to authorized repair shop

Crisp

Who decides who's authorised to modify my device?

You'd think I do, seeing as I paid for it and I have the receipt.

I don't have to get authorisation from Honda if I want to swap my exhaust out. Why should it be any different with a tablet?

What are we more likely to see? A smooth Windows 10 May release... or a xenon-124 decay? Oh dear, bad news, IT folks

Crisp

I'm just imagining a legion of roman soldiers charging into the detector...

"Did you find the dark matter?"

"We found this atom of tellurium."

Idiot admits destroying scores of college PCs using USB Killer gizmo, filming himself doing it

Crisp

Re: ECHO

# AC is right.

#

# This is all getting rather silly.

Three planets and two stars adds up to one research team made very happy by Kepler's unique discovery

Crisp

It'd take almost the entirety of known human existence

Depends on your reference frame.

For a human accelerating at 1g for half the trip and decelerating at 1g for the rest of the trip the travel time can be measured in years.

For a human sitting on earth watching all of this, it's going to take a lot longer.

IT meltdown outfit TSB to refund all customers that fall victim to fraud in 'UK banking first'

Crisp
Trollface

Re: Coming next...

Infinite Money!

New UK counter-terror laws come into force today – watch those clicks, people. You see, terrorist propag... NOOO! Alexa ignore us!

Crisp

Iinformation "likely to be useful to a person committing or preparing an act of terrorism"

Information like Google Maps?

As Alexa's secret human army is revealed, we ask: Who else has been listening in on you?

Crisp

Wolfgang von Kempelen claimed to have built a machine that could play chess

That turned out to have a man inside it too.

Make America Infringe Again: Trump campaign video pulled over Batman copyright

Crisp

Well he's stolen everything else....

Why is anyone surprised?

Are brown dwarfs stars or planets? Boffins find evidence for proto-suns in a solar system

Crisp

Re: what we should call planets expelled from solar systems

Intergalactic and planetary?

We should call them Beastie Boys.

Crisp

Re: copy paste from there

I do this for every character I need to use.

Town admits 'a poor decision was made' after baseball field set on fire to 'dry' it more quickly

Crisp

Re: Roundup & diesel..

"Roundup & diesel" - That's a drink isn't it?

Crisp

Why not construct SportsBall pitches with proper drainage

Then the water would, y'know... drain away.

Yup, it's the new tax year: If you smell a RAT, it's because crims are ramping up tax scams

Crisp

Contact your local friendly tax office directly

Will they actually pick up the phone?

Here's to you: UK.gov praises Reg-reading techies for keeping on top of cybersecurity

Crisp
Coat

El Reg - I just read it for the articles.

Honest!

Mystery of the Chinese woman who allegedly tried to sneak into Trump's Mar-a-Lago with a USB stick of malware

Crisp

"Making false statements to a federal officer"

And that's how they get you.

You might have done absolutely nothing wrong until you start answering questions.

Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa

Crisp
Boffin

Needs moar struts

And moar boosters

Go on, feast your eyes on... HMRC's backend: 4,000 IT staff, its hookup with AWS and more

Crisp

Why is HMRC employing a company that doesn't pay its taxes?

Is this another one of those things discussed over lunch with a high up HMRC tax inspector?

Boffins may have found something more salty than Brexit Brits' tears this week: Underground pools of water on Mars

Crisp

Re: Water under Mars you say...

You're off to an early start!

I'd have used that as a Last Resort.

Uncle Sam's disaster agency FEMA creates disaster of its own: 2.3 million survivors' personal records spilled

Crisp

Re: helping people in a disaster without making a profit is basically communism

I've never understood how americans can quite happily pay into a communal pot for fire services and police services and not be charged for service of each individual incident. Yet universal healthcare is somehow of the devil.

Yelp-for-MAGAs app maker is warned there are holes in its code. Does it A. Just fix the problem, or B. Threaten to call the FBI, too?

Crisp
Flame

It's not breaking and entering if they leave the front door wide open.

And trying to characterise it as "illegal and failed attempts" is just a blatant lie.

Adi Shamir visa snub: US govt slammed after the S in RSA blocked from his own RSA conf

Crisp

Re: "rather than criticising Trump we need to purge them"

Oh! I'm quite sure that it had nothing to do with throwing a tantrum and shutting down the government until he got his way.

Why not make all those government employees wear armbands? It will make it easier to round them up and put them on trains.

UK banking was struck by one IT fail every day for most of 2018

Crisp

Re: it's only quantum money

If you either know how much you've got, or where it is, but not both at the same time.