* Posts by Crisp

2439 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Bloaty banking app? There's a good chance it was written in Britain

Crisp
Silver badge

I worked at a place once where we got a bonus based on LOC

After

a

few

weeks

of

trying

to

read

code

like

this

.

It was quietly dropped for some reason.

17
0

'No regrets' says chap who felled JavaScript's Jenga tower – as devs ask: Have we forgotten how to code?

Crisp
Silver badge

My counter argument to David Haney is as follows:

Have you seen what happens when your average programmer tries to roll his own date handling function? Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, why not use something that actually works?

0
0

IBM's 'neurosynaptic chip' to power nuke-watching exascale rig

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Skynet will not arrive

Thanks to that wikipedia link, and checking brain to body mass ratios I found this:

The bony-eared assfish.

0
0
Crisp
Silver badge

Re: 2.5 watts ? Really ?

Apparently both the cores and the on-chip network operate without clocking.

That, IBM says, is the key to the low power consumption in TrueNorth.

1
0
Crisp
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Skynet

I was wondering what those chips reminded me of...

It almost looks like a component from a Cyberdyne Systems model 101.

2
0

Microsoft's bigoted teen bot flirts with illegali-Tay in brief comeback

Crisp
Silver badge

They could have put that bot on 4chan

No one would have suspected a thing.

4
0

Teen tricks leaky Valve into publishing hot new Steam game: Watching Paint Dry

Crisp
Silver badge

The original was better

Advanced Lawnmower Simulator

0
0

NASA discovers black hole here on Earth – in its software budget

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Imagine if this thing actually existed...

How well defined are the requirements? Poorly defined projects can go on for ever...

1
0
Crisp
Silver badge

In the past I've used an Escrow Agreement.

The code is held by a third party so that in the event that something unfortunate happened to the software company, we could still access all the code and documentation.

0
0

Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: No wonder it's rubbish...

It's more like series of tubes...

1
0

Researchers find hole in SIP, Apple’s newest protection feature

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Three letter acronyms

Of all the other 17575 three letter acronyms out there, why did they have to pick that one?

1
1

Sensors, not CPUs, are the tech that swings the smartphone market

Crisp
Silver badge

Gear VR is a fantastic piece of hardware...

It's the software support that lets it down.

0
0

Hands on with the BBC's Micro:Bit computer. You know, for kids

Crisp
Silver badge

The same memory as the BBC Micro Model A of 15 years ago...

But will it still run Elite?

5
0

Champagne supernova in the sky: Shockwaves seen breaking star

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Safe distance

The safe distance for your average over the counter firework is around 20-30 meters. A star is a lot bigger than a firework, so you'd probably need to scoot back a little further.

It'll be the radiation that will get you though. Obligatory XKCD Reference.

12
0

Electronic Superhighway 2016-1966 – a retro: Texts, ar*se and ASCII rolls

Crisp
Silver badge

"the classic film Casablanca is played back as live ASCII art"

Doesn't live ASCII art put a bit of a strain on the typists wrists?

10
0

Why should you care about Google's AI winning a board game?

Crisp
Silver badge

He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help you.

Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.

1
0

Only 12% of UK thinks Snoopers' Charter is 'adequately explained'

Crisp
Silver badge

Of course it's a democracy!

Just like the Democratic People's Republic of Korea or the Democratic Republic of the Congo...

9
0

Phorm suspends its shares from trading amid funding scrabble

Crisp
Silver badge

It couldn't have happened to a nicer company.

Seriously, who in their right mind thought that customers would accept them doing deep packet inspection on their private traffic?

12
0

Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: So he'll be doing some hard time?

That's what happens when you contravene the penile code.

9
0

UK.gov could reopen Google's £130m HMRC tax deal, says Parliament

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Most likely £130m.

You're suggesting they broke even?

I'd be willing to bet that the cost was a lot higher.

1
0

Child tracker outfit uKnowKids admits breach, kicks off row with security researcher

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: inaccurate statement?

That was the line that got me as well. "we do not approve of his methods because it unnecessarily puts customer data and intellectual property at risk"

Their customers data was already at risk. If it had not been at risk, his methods would not have worked!

11
0

Confused as to WTF is happening with Apple, the FBI and a killer's iPhone? Let's fix that

Crisp
Silver badge

All this has happened before, and all this will happen again.

We just want this one little tool. We'll only use it against terrorists we promise...

... Oh, and paedophiles ...

... and copyright infringers ...

... possibly against parents that might not actually live in the school catchment area that they say they do ...

4
1

PC sales aren't doing so great – but good God, you're buying mountains of Nvidia graphics cards

Crisp
Silver badge
Trollface

Why do I need that GeForce GTX 980 Ti?

3D business graphics of course!

Oh! And CUDA! I hear that's pretty big. It's essential for learning new programming techniques really...

9
0

ESA's Sentinel satellite to ride converted ICBM

Crisp
Silver badge
Mushroom

What does happen when an ICBM launch fails?

I would imagine that there's some way to disarm the bombs and make them fail safe, but is there really any way to do that when the main rocket motor fails and the whole kit and caboodle comes hurtling down towards Earth closely followed by 77 tonnes of rocket fuel?

0
0

Council IT system goes berserk, packs off kids to the wrong schools

Crisp
Silver badge
Terminator

I like the way they blame it on a computer error...

As if the computer suddenly gained a will of it's own and took it upon itself to send the emails with no prompting from a human operator.

15
0

US Congress locks and loads three anti-encryption bullets

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Law enforcement just want a master key.

Which is exactly what will happen if governments pass a law allowing them to decrypt whatever they want whenever they want. That master key will be very quickly discovered and then disseminated through the internet.

And once that can of worms has been opened it will be impossible to put the genie back in the bottle.

0
0
Crisp
Silver badge

Law enforcement just want a master key.

Where's the problem in that?

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

3
0

Picking apart the circuits in the ARM1 – the ancestor of your smartphone's brain

Crisp
Silver badge

I like looking at pictures of chip dies

They are like little works of art all by themselves.

8
0

Fleet of 4.77MHz LCD laptops with 8088 CPUs still alive after 30 years

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

The T1000 was impressive

Especially the way it could morph into practically anyone it liked and change its hands into stabbing weapons.

11
0

Norks uses ballistic missile to launch silent 'satellite'

Crisp
Silver badge
Mushroom

Did Ted Cruz watch Red Dawn and think it was real?

Wolverines!

1
0

The Mad Men's monster is losing the botnet fight: Fewer humans are seeing web ads

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Complexity is fraud

We should have copied the Icelandic model and just let the banks fail.

Do you know what the knock on consequences of that were? Icelandic households will get £750 million of their household mortgage debt "cancelled", spread over a four year period.

33
2

I love you. I will kill you! I want to make love to you: The evolution of AI in pop culture

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: GLaDOS

Seeing as she was a copy of Cave Johnson's secretary Caroline, was GLaDOS a true AI?

0
0

BT broadband is down: Former state monopoly goes TITSUP UK-wide

Crisp
Silver badge

So that's the reason the phones are lighting up...

Of course the customer can't even get through to do a Google search, but somehow from their point of view it's our site that's the problem.

7
0

Lincolnshire council IT ransomware flingers asked for ... £350

Crisp
Silver badge

I'm not buying the "0-day exploit" story.

I think it might have something to do with government offices using things like Windows XP well after its sell by date.

0
2

BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery

Crisp
Silver badge
Pint

Single-malt breakfast headache medicine

Is what I'll be calling it from now on.

8
0

Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

Crisp
Silver badge

Pay someone for sex, and they are a prostitute.

Add a video camera, and then they're a performer.

Why is one illegal but the other one isn't?

15
0

UK Home Sec wants Minority Report-style policing – using your slurped data

Crisp
Silver badge

May praised the work of the Police ICT Company, which aims to standardise the desperate IT

Is this the same police force that can't network their 43 separate systems together?

14
1

UK police have 43 separate IT systems and it's putting you at risk

Crisp
Silver badge

He said one single police ICT system would be dangerous, for example if it fell over.

What we need is 43 separate systems, each capable of screwing up in a completely different way.

6
0

Lincolnshire council shuts down all IT after alleged 0-day breach

Crisp
Silver badge

Seriously?

Have they not heard of this thing called encryption that gov.uk has been banging on about?

"[we] have suspended IT use until the extent of it is clear."

So no IT for the next few years then...

4
0

Outage outrage: Banks need clear targets for improving IT systems

Crisp
Silver badge

There's already IT expertise in the boardroom

Usually whenever someone needs a projector set up or a laptop plugged in...

7
0

That one weird trick fails: Google binned 780 million ads last year

Crisp
Silver badge

When they can guarantee that advertising wont be a malware vector...

I'll turn my adblock off.

3
0

Gov must hire 'thousands' of techies to rescue failing projects

Crisp
Silver badge

"he was useless, managed to delete the website a couple of times"

Why on Earth would you let a developer have access to a production system? That's just asking for trouble.

5
0

Trump's new thought bubble: Make Apple manufacture in the USA

Crisp
Silver badge

Hang on Mr Trump...

Does the USA even have the manufacturing capability for Apple to just up sticks and move their entire manufacturing process to america?

Do they even have large scale microchip fabrication facilities over there? Are the hard drives made in America? Will Apple be able to source screens from an American manufacturer?

Will Mr Trump be paying for all this himself?

2
0

Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

Crisp
Silver badge

You have been blocked from a conference known to host malware.

Malware protection is the main reason I keep AdBlock running.

12
0

999 What's your emergency: Mega millions Met call handling IT muckup?

Crisp
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: being able to summon up an F16 or B2

You can't solve all your problems with air strikes.

3
1

Kiwi hackers crack crap algo, showcase 40c-a-litre DIY fuel discounts

Crisp
Silver badge

"[The] fault lies with the design of the algorithm and not with Z"

Was this algorithm forced on Z? Were they made to implement it without checking it first?

0
0

DWP building a separate ID tool as Verify can’t cut it, whisper sources

Crisp
Silver badge

This is a solved problem surely?

Thanks to two factor authentication my bank knows exactly who I am. Thanks to the wonders of encryption I can be fairly sure that no prying eyes can read the contents of my transmissions.

If banks can do this kind of thing for online banking then why can't the government? It's not even hard! I think even Blizzard use a similar system for protecting it's users too. If it can be done for video games, it can be done for the DWP.

2
1

Nvidia GPUs give smut viewed incognito a second coming

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Well done

He pulled it off quite nicely.

1
0

Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Crisp
Silver badge
Pint

There is no “safe drinking level”

So I'm not safe even if I have zero beers!

Maybe a quick pint (or two) will help take my mind off the danger...

15
0

Three-years-late fit-to-work IT tool will cost taxpayers £76m

Crisp
Silver badge

My GP knows if I'm fit to work or not.

And if they wont believe the evidence provided by my GP (Who I assume is a qualified medical doctor and everything), why is the NHS employing him?

10
0

Forums