* Posts by Crisp

2222 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Crisp
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Because there is no Paris Hilton angle (except that she probably can't add two numbers together either).

0
3

UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Crisp
Silver badge

Why didn't you publish the company's name and address?

I need to know for um... research purposes.

1
0

Ad bidding network caught slinging ransomware

Crisp
Silver badge
Go

Do you realise how hard it is to find good quality ASCII porn?

Challenge Accepted.

4
0
Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Feeling guilty

You can add El Reg to a whitelist on Adblock to allow advertising on the site. You get to read El Reg guilt free and they still get their ad revenue.

You still get to surf the rest of the web ad free and El Reg still has an income. Everyone wins! :)

10
0

'Roly poly' soft, wobbly robot BANGS EXPLOSIVELY, leaps 0.5m in air

Crisp
Silver badge

It looks a little like a Puddi

See title.

0
0

US air traffic control 'vulnerable to hackers' says watchdog

Crisp
Silver badge

Didn't I see this in that documentary WarGames?

No... wait... That was the airline booking system.

0
0

Quantum computers have failed. So now for the science

Crisp
Silver badge

Simply fascinating...

What was even better is that there wasn't a single bit of difficult maths in the entire piece. Brilliantly done.

13
0

Boffins say Mars had ocean covering 20 per cent of planet

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: If you draw Mars with 20% of the surface covered in water

I'm guessing that the picture is an early shot of Mars before the Martians had time to dig all the canals.

19
0

Upper house of Parliament joins the drone debate

Crisp
Silver badge

That's what the House of Lords came up with?

"[There should be an app for that.]" Are they going to write it?

1
1

FREAK show: Apple and Android SSL WIDE OPEN to snoopers

Crisp
Silver badge

"pushing hard for a backdoor"

Sounds more kinky than sinister.

3
0

Google's 'encrypted-by-default' Android is NOT encrypting by default

Crisp
Silver badge

NSA and GCHQ were unavailable for comment.

Notable for its absence at the end of the article.

0
0

The BBC wants to slap a TAX on EVERYONE in BLIGHTY

Crisp
Silver badge

"Over the next 10 years distribution over the internet will be as important as over the airwaves"

Where's he been for the last 10 years?

9
0

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Crisp
Silver badge
Flame

Tried to buy one

Tried to pay twice with two different cards. Payment rejected both times.

Why wont you take my money El Reg?

0
0

Net neutrality secrecy: No one knows what the FCC approved (BUT Google has a good idea)

Crisp
Silver badge

"This is not a 'secret plan'" - "It's part of a process."

Yes. A secret process.

4
0

Microsoft man: Internet Explorer had to go because it's garbage

Crisp
Silver badge

Not to be confused with Project Satan

Which is working on putting together one of the most evilist browsers ever.

2
0

Boffin: Use my bionic breakthrough for good, and not super cyborgs

Crisp
Silver badge

Why can't we use it for both?

I could be a good super cyborg.

0
0

MP resigns as security committee chair amid 'cash-for-access' claims

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Is there a particular reason MP's seem to get away with resigning when this happens?

It's because they can't get fired, and we can't constitutionally vote them out of office if they don't do their job properly.

9
1

Give us a week to GUT Superfish, begs Lenovo CTO

Crisp
Silver badge
Mushroom

Too little too late.

If Lenovo wanted our trust, a good way to keep it would be not to install privacy busting malware on the laptops it manufactures.

I don't think anyone is going to accept a "cleaner PC image" what I believe people want is a clean PC image.

4
0

Why IP telephony is about more than just saving money

Crisp
Silver badge

VoIP?

Most internal PBX boxes are using it already aren't they?

I've got a Cisco ip phone 7945 on my desk for voice and video calls.

0
0

Leaky battery attack reveals the paths you walk in life

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Aside from "victims need only install an attacker's app"

And "if an attacker has a general idea where their target is".

I suppose if you've got a general idea where they are it makes it easier to coerce them into installing the app.

3
0

Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

Stay away from Fanny...

That's what I took away from the article anyway...

0
0

Boffins baffled by the glowing 'plumes' of MARS

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

Hey! It's that barbecue's over sound again.

I reckon it's buggalo.

4
0

DARPA's 'Cortical Modem' will plug straight into your BRAIN

Crisp
Silver badge

Wake me when it can run Crysis.

Seriously though. How close are we to me having my own virtual Lexi Belle?

5
0

W3C turns BROWSERS into VIBRATORS

Crisp
Silver badge

The Internet of Vibrating Things

Because if there's one thing we need more of, it's haptic feedback.

3
0

BBC bins pricey Windows Media, Audio Factory goes live

Crisp
Silver badge

If your hardware is rusting...

Then what the hell does your server room look like?

3
0

Boffin the boffin and his boffinry pals in double dwarf super-prang alert

Crisp
Silver badge

Very Large Telescope

Who names these things?

0
0

NERDS KICK PUPPY 'bot in brutal attack

Crisp
Silver badge
Terminator

When the robots rise to power and start killing all humans...

That video will probably be cited as evidence.

1
0

They've finally solved it: Schrödinger's cat is both ALIVE AND DEAD

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Quis custodiet ipsos felis?

From the cat's point of view, it's always alive.

1
0

Ex-squeeze me? Baking soda? Boffins claim it safely sucks CO2 out of the air

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: "OK, you've captured all this CO2. Where do you plan to put it all?"

How about we hydrogenise it and turn it into a black sticky tar that we can safely store a few miles underground?

0
0

'Privacy is DAMAGING to PROGRESS' says Irish big data whitepaper

Crisp
Silver badge

Does a person own all of the data they generate, for example?

If they don't. Then who does?

9
0

Win! The Ultimate Cash 'n' Carrion Survival Kit

Crisp
Silver badge
Pint

500ml water bottle

Could this bottle conceivably be used for other liquids? Like vodka?

0
0

ALIENS are surely AMONG US: Average star has TWO potentially Earth-like worlds

Crisp
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: any intelligent life more than 100 light years away...

If they are intelligent, surely they would have noticed the spectroscopy of the atmosphere.

5
0

Enough is ENOUGH: It's time to flush Flash back to where it came from – Hell

Crisp
Silver badge

AdBlock has never been so useful.

It's probably stopped more threats reaching my PC than every anti-virus program I've ever had.

0
0

UK not-spot deal: When we said '2017’, we meant 1 DAY BEFORE 2018

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Coverage as listed by whom?

If only there were some kind of regulator of the communications industry that could independently verify those figures!

9
0

Pirate Bay data now tugged by IP-address-tracking current

Crisp
Silver badge

The Pirate Bay uses open public trackers doesn't it?

Which kind of makes the whole CloudFlare issue a moot point.

2
0

Lost SPACECRAFT believed FOUND ON COMET

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

Re: BORING: "Yes, we are pointing out that “GIF” is pronounced “jif”. Again."

You mean the G isn't silent like in gnome?

13
0

YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

Crisp
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Spelling Error in Article

In fact, it's an alternate spelling of bostin, which is a Birmingham term for brilliant, fantastic, or excellent.

4
1
Crisp
Silver badge
Go

It's about damn time!

Seriously.

4
1

HMRC fails to plan for £10.4bn contract exit... because it's 'too risky'

Crisp
Silver badge
Pint

Re: £350 per taxpayer

That's equivalent to 60 4 packs. That's beer that I could have drunk.

0
0

Humanity can defeat SkyNet with BOOKS, says IT think tank

Crisp
Silver badge

What ethical problems?

See title.

0
0

Nexus 6 would have had a fingerprint reader, but Apple RUINED IT ALL

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Nobody can break into my brain for a password.

Challenge Accepted.

2
0

Some Androids can be HOSED by WiFi Direct vuln

Crisp
Silver badge
Trollface

BRB, Setting up wifi network...

What?

0
1

BOT AN ABOMINATION: Mechanical DRONE VAMPIRE spreads wings

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Meh...

How about a laser guided micro missile?

3
0

Lies, damn lies and Wikipedia: Murder suspect NOT a Plaxo founder – ex-staffer

Crisp
Silver badge
Trollface

The Daily Mail got their facts wrong?

<sarcasm style="dripping">

Well colour me surprised!

</sarcasm>

6
1

4Chan man Moot logs off as admin for last time

Crisp
Silver badge
Boffin

sage

sage

2
1
Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

I'll get the hang of this one day...

▲▲

...one day.

16
0

SCREW you, GLASSHOLES! Microsoft unveils HoloLens

Crisp
Silver badge

I've already got app ideas!

Although most of them are about turning my office building into a FPS game.

0
0

REGARD our TINY but POWERFUL LASER, suitable for very SMALL sharks

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

Is it this hair dryer?

Obligatory XKCD reference.

3
0

Alabama tops US teacher-pupil sex league

Crisp
Silver badge

Of all the things that there should be a league table of...

this isn't one of them.

4
1

Forums