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* Posts by Crisp

2034 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

India forges ahead with fibre-to-the-village

Crisp
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How come India can do this

But the UK has to faff about with the likes of BT, who, let's face it; would have a hard time stringing a couple of tin cans together.

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Chinese software pirate gets 12 years in US slammer

Crisp
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He sold $100M of software?

They shouldn't be putting him in prison, they should be giving him a job!

How many salesmen have sales figures even close to approaching that?

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PM Cameron calls for modern, programmable computers! (We think)

Crisp
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Re: Modern methods of computing like coding

Well it sure beats hardwiring connections to the valves by hand!

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Chinese 'nauts prep for next coupling in Heaven, clear way for new station

Crisp
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Coat

Re: rippled rocket exhaust

For her pleasure.

Wait a sec! This isn't the Ann Summers thead!

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Who's the daddy of Virgin Media now? That would be Liberty Global

Crisp
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Tom Mockridge

The guy that replaced Rebekah Brooks after the phone hacking scandal is now in charge of one of the UK's largest phone companies.

Something is raising a red flag here, but I just can't quite put my finger on it...

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So, who ought to be the next Doctor Who? It's up to YOU...

Crisp
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Damn, I didn't see Miranda Richardson on the list first time around!

How do I change my vote?

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Nicked unencrypted PC with 6,000 bank details lands council fat fine

Crisp
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WTF?

The council issued unencrypted laptops to staff when it had problems with its encryption software

Well that was daft.

What the council should have done was train their employees properly. (If they still can't use encryption tools after that, then the council needs to fire their incompetent staff).

It's just encryption, it's not rocket science.

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Singaporean sites protest 'licence to print news' laws

Crisp
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The worst thing about censorship is

T**** ***** *** ****** *** ****!

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YES, Xbox One DOES need internet, DOES restrict game trading

Crisp
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WTF?

Re: (Z,X,P,L & SPACEBAR anyone?)

Q, A, O and P surely!

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IT staff clamouring to pay for their own BYOD kit, says survey

Crisp
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Re: What's stopping me from having half the companies data anyways?

Not much. Apart from your honour as an IT professional.

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Crisp
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Coat

I have to buy my own kit now?

Pencil, Paper and Slide Rule it is then!

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Germans purge selves of indigestible 63-letter word

Crisp
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Re: This thread is full of words that look like variable names I've seen.

Yes, absolutely awful code.

Written by a person who's native language was English.

Who's idea of a good variable name involves some of the worst hungarianesque notation (in an ide that will frigging tell you what type and what class a method belongs to) that I've ever seen.

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Crisp
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This thread is full of words that look like variable names I've seen.

I maintain some awful code.

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BSkyB-owned BE slams into traffic pile-up over 'unlimited' broadband lie

Crisp
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Trollface

Re: Come on 150GB a month - that's a lot of pron :S

Some might argue that is not enough pron!

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Boffins build gesture recognition using WiFi

Crisp
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Re: Security?

Your default password will be the ancient dance of my ancestors.

It goes: Aga do do do, push pineapple, shake the tree.

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Hitchhikers' Guide was WRONG, Earth is not in a galactic backwater

Crisp
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Report from planet Earth suggests planet Earth is important.

I find El Reg to be so humancentric. There are other planets with life out there (possibly,) you know!

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LOHAN team regroups for second pop at SPEARS

Crisp
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Re: brave Playmonaut

Has a Playmonaut been named yet?

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Smut-for-Glass app suffers premature ejection

Crisp
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Re: a weekend with a porn star and a weekend with David Cameron

What's David Cameron going to be wearing?

(You can thank yourself for that disgusting mental picture you're now viewing.)

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Quantum boffins send data ACROSS TIME AND SPACE

Crisp
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Re: How do you know the characteristics are not set?

Because hidden variable theories make predictions that aren't observed in experiments.

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Motorola shows off tattoo and swallowable password hardware

Crisp
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Motorola may not have anticipated the reaction of biblical literalists

Or maybe they did anticipate them, and thought, "We don't really care what a load of batshit crazy bible thumpers think", and then got on with the rest of their day.

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Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

Crisp
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IT Angle

Has anyone stopped to think of the consequences of this to the IT industry?

We're going to have bleary eyed developers wandering around looking for coffee and snack food. They'll sit about all day at their desks producing quirky random code...

Hang on, are we sure that developers aren't on pot already?

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Fear the Embarrassing Bodies webcam

Crisp
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Penis Expert Business Cards

If you rub them they turn into a postcard!

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BOFH: Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;

Crisp
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Polishing the fingernail scratches off the window frame

You've got to take care of the evidence.

Or at least make sure that it points in someone else's direction :)

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UN report says killer bots could fight WAR WITHOUT END

Crisp
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Terminator

Please put down your weapon. You have 20 seconds to comply.

I think you'd better do what he says.

"You now have 15 seconds to comply."

Uh-oh...

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NASA: Trip to Mars would exceed 'fatal cancer' radiation risk

Crisp
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Re: NASA wont

And probably starting up a ranch of buggalo before we've even got boots on the ground!

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Fancy some mobile filth? New logo tells you when not to bother

Crisp
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Re: As a nation (UK) sex has always been a taboo

Since when?

I remember seeing more tits in Carry On movies from the 60's than anything else I ever saw on TV.

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Crisp
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So we're decided then

The way to stop kids from accessing porn is to burn down all the hedges.

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Crisp
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Never in human history have horny little teenagers... etc

No more so than the rest of the population that enjoys porn. If you think that a horny 15 year old doesn't have access to the same material, then you've severely underestimated the biological imperative to seek out sex that appears to exist in all young boys.

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Crisp
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Too much time and money invested in worrying about the digital boogeyman

And not enough time spent by parents keeping an eye on their kids.

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Kettle 'which looks like HITLER' brews up sturm in a teacup

Crisp
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Re: For every nutter in the UK you get 5 in the US

Yes, but our nutters are British!

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Stand by for PURPLE KETCHUP as boffins breed SUPER TOMATOES

Crisp
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Re: Now what is the result if they are just fed ordinary tomatoes.

Are you insinuating that they didn't use a control group?

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Crisp
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Re: We should not meddle in things only barely understood...

If I followed that maxim then I'd never get anything done!

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Russians draw liquid blood from frozen woolly mammoth

Crisp
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Didn't I say the glacier algae would be the first wave?

Maybe when the next zombie apocalypse happens, you'll listen to me sooner!

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Oi, butterfingers! Drop your mobe in a pint? Hope it's not an iPhone

Crisp
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I've seen a ruggedised mobile phone used to hammer a nail into a wall.

You can get nigh on indestructible phones, but they are bloody expensive.

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Moss reanimates after 400 years in DEEP FREEZE

Crisp
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The Zombie Apocalypse Begins.

I predict that these are the first wave of scouts for a larger zombie army.

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Bill Gates: Corporate tax is not a moral issue

Crisp
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Corporate tax is not a moral issue

Oh it so is! Just because it's a corporation and not a person doing it, doesn't absolve the corporation (and the people that make up that corporation) of their moral duty.

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Daft tweet by Speaker Bercow's loquacious wife DID libel lord

Crisp
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Re: Could she be riding on the coat tails

Well she's got no achievements or skills of her own.

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Open wide, Google: Here comes an advertising antitrust probe

Crisp
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Close your mouth Google.

It's going in the other end.

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Paul Allen buys lovingly restored vintage V-2 Nazi ballistic missile

Crisp
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That is an obscene amount of money to spend on a toy

Feed starving children like Bill Gates? No, it's a V2 rocket for me!

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China’s state-run rags brand Mars One mission a scam

Crisp
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We get to watch people die on mars on live TV?

I can't see how this could possibly go wrong.

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The BOFH is BACK: And it's cloudy with a 90% chance of beatings

Crisp
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Sometimes there's just no substitute for percussive teaching methods.

I swear by them!

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Google to double encryption key lengths for SSL certs by year's end

Crisp
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Re: Pah

That's going to be one big keyring.

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Happy 23rd birthday, Windows 3.0

Crisp
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Real mode could run on anything up to a 286.

Really! Really?

Have you actually tried running Windows 3.0 on an 8MHz 8086?

I have, and I can personally tell you that it's no laughing matter.

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Ed Miliband brands Google's UK tax avoidance 'WRONG'

Crisp
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This is news?

Someone ought to tell Miliband that he missed that bandwagon.

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Irish deputy PM: You want more tax from Apple? Your problem, not ours

Crisp
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Re: The value of "IP"

9.53562951413 Surely?

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German robots sent to Oz to make GPS millimetre-perfect

Crisp
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Re: Impressive.

It's a german robot. It's not afraid of a little weather.

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They WANT to EAT YOUR COMPUTER - welcome your ANT overlords

Crisp
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Re: My manager has an ant colony in her monitor.

Awesome! How much do you have to pay for one of those?

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Crisp
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Re: What is wrong with the downvoting turds lately?

I don't think that downvoting Eadon is that effective. I think he collects downvotes and downvoting him is providing him with negative attention. If people stopped reacting to his obvious trolling, then he'd get bored and go away.

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Gay marriage? We'll put a stop to that 'human BUG', says Nintendo

Crisp
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Love is not a malfunction!

Why can't they leave software in loving, respectful relationships alone?

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