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* Posts by Crisp

1999 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

COLD BALLS OF FLAME light up International Space Station

Crisp
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Cold Balls of Flame?

Goodness Gracious!

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Six nations ask Google for answers on Glass privacy

Crisp
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What exactly do those Privacy Commissioners think Google Glass is?

That list of questions doesn't exactly display a firm understanding of the technology.

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Drug gang hacks into Belgian seaport, cops seize TONNE of smack

Crisp
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I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs

Like the police, customs officials, etc

(Stolen from Jack Dee)

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Microsoft lures buy-curious vixens, corduroys with a cheap fondle

Crisp
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Re: If they touted these at IT pro's

They aren't really for IT pro's though.

I've found that slabs are great if you just want to consume information and services. It is not an environment where you could write an application of any great size.

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G-Cloud overlord McDonagh gets CBE nod from Queen

Crisp
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Denise McDonagh

Who?

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Number of cops abusing Police National Computer access on the rise

Crisp
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76 officers in London have been investigated

I'd wager that's just the tip of a very big iceberg.

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Supercomputer vid proves NASA black-hole ring sniffers were RIGHT

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: Why would you assume that the black hole was not rotating?

Because it makes the math easier.

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Google flings another £1m at online child sex abuse vid CRACKDOWN

Crisp
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WTF?

Don't we pay the police to bring criminal scum to justice?

Why do we need to pay charities to do the job that we're already paying the police to do out of our taxes?

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Boffins find evidence Atlantic Ocean has started closing

Crisp
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Pirate

Re: I Blame the EU

This is all because of pirates. Open your eyes people!

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US Supremes: Human genes can't be patented

Crisp
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Re: I've been 'safed'

Is that a eunuch euphemism?

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Young blokes blinded by video-game addiction: THE FACTS

Crisp
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Trollface

Bedroom head-shots. (That's not a euphemism.)

It is now.

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CTO's man at VMware whistles an 'appy tune

Crisp
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Headmaster

Containerising

Surely you mean containing? Or contained?

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Google donates £1m to child abuse charity ahead of Whitehall meeting

Crisp
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Internet Watch Foundation

Deciding what's acceptable for you to look at since 1996.

(If you don't remember, this was the organisation that effectively cut off access to the Wayback Machine, and blocked access to wikipedia because of a Scorpions album cover.)

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BBC lied to Parliament about doomed £100m IT monster, thunder MPs

Crisp
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No TV License here.

It's not my money they are pissing up the wall.

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What did the Lehman Brothers implosion look like to a techie?

Crisp
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Gnab Gib

If I could up vote articles, I'd do it just for that reference.

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India forges ahead with fibre-to-the-village

Crisp
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How come India can do this

But the UK has to faff about with the likes of BT, who, let's face it; would have a hard time stringing a couple of tin cans together.

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Chinese software pirate gets 12 years in US slammer

Crisp
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He sold $100M of software?

They shouldn't be putting him in prison, they should be giving him a job!

How many salesmen have sales figures even close to approaching that?

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PM Cameron calls for modern, programmable computers! (We think)

Crisp
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Re: Modern methods of computing like coding

Well it sure beats hardwiring connections to the valves by hand!

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Chinese 'nauts prep for next coupling in Heaven, clear way for new station

Crisp
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Re: rippled rocket exhaust

For her pleasure.

Wait a sec! This isn't the Ann Summers thead!

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Who's the daddy of Virgin Media now? That would be Liberty Global

Crisp
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Tom Mockridge

The guy that replaced Rebekah Brooks after the phone hacking scandal is now in charge of one of the UK's largest phone companies.

Something is raising a red flag here, but I just can't quite put my finger on it...

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So, who ought to be the next Doctor Who? It's up to YOU...

Crisp
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Damn, I didn't see Miranda Richardson on the list first time around!

How do I change my vote?

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Nicked unencrypted PC with 6,000 bank details lands council fat fine

Crisp
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WTF?

The council issued unencrypted laptops to staff when it had problems with its encryption software

Well that was daft.

What the council should have done was train their employees properly. (If they still can't use encryption tools after that, then the council needs to fire their incompetent staff).

It's just encryption, it's not rocket science.

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Singaporean sites protest 'licence to print news' laws

Crisp
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The worst thing about censorship is

T**** ***** *** ****** *** ****!

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YES, Xbox One DOES need internet, DOES restrict game trading

Crisp
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WTF?

Re: (Z,X,P,L & SPACEBAR anyone?)

Q, A, O and P surely!

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IT staff clamouring to pay for their own BYOD kit, says survey

Crisp
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Re: What's stopping me from having half the companies data anyways?

Not much. Apart from your honour as an IT professional.

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Crisp
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I have to buy my own kit now?

Pencil, Paper and Slide Rule it is then!

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Germans purge selves of indigestible 63-letter word

Crisp
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Re: This thread is full of words that look like variable names I've seen.

Yes, absolutely awful code.

Written by a person who's native language was English.

Who's idea of a good variable name involves some of the worst hungarianesque notation (in an ide that will frigging tell you what type and what class a method belongs to) that I've ever seen.

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Crisp
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This thread is full of words that look like variable names I've seen.

I maintain some awful code.

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BSkyB-owned BE slams into traffic pile-up over 'unlimited' broadband lie

Crisp
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Trollface

Re: Come on 150GB a month - that's a lot of pron :S

Some might argue that is not enough pron!

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Boffins build gesture recognition using WiFi

Crisp
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Re: Security?

Your default password will be the ancient dance of my ancestors.

It goes: Aga do do do, push pineapple, shake the tree.

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Hitchhikers' Guide was WRONG, Earth is not in a galactic backwater

Crisp
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Report from planet Earth suggests planet Earth is important.

I find El Reg to be so humancentric. There are other planets with life out there (possibly,) you know!

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LOHAN team regroups for second pop at SPEARS

Crisp
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Re: brave Playmonaut

Has a Playmonaut been named yet?

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Smut-for-Glass app suffers premature ejection

Crisp
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Re: a weekend with a porn star and a weekend with David Cameron

What's David Cameron going to be wearing?

(You can thank yourself for that disgusting mental picture you're now viewing.)

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Quantum boffins send data ACROSS TIME AND SPACE

Crisp
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Re: How do you know the characteristics are not set?

Because hidden variable theories make predictions that aren't observed in experiments.

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Motorola shows off tattoo and swallowable password hardware

Crisp
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Motorola may not have anticipated the reaction of biblical literalists

Or maybe they did anticipate them, and thought, "We don't really care what a load of batshit crazy bible thumpers think", and then got on with the rest of their day.

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Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

Crisp
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IT Angle

Has anyone stopped to think of the consequences of this to the IT industry?

We're going to have bleary eyed developers wandering around looking for coffee and snack food. They'll sit about all day at their desks producing quirky random code...

Hang on, are we sure that developers aren't on pot already?

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Fear the Embarrassing Bodies webcam

Crisp
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Penis Expert Business Cards

If you rub them they turn into a postcard!

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BOFH: Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;

Crisp
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Polishing the fingernail scratches off the window frame

You've got to take care of the evidence.

Or at least make sure that it points in someone else's direction :)

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UN report says killer bots could fight WAR WITHOUT END

Crisp
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Terminator

Please put down your weapon. You have 20 seconds to comply.

I think you'd better do what he says.

"You now have 15 seconds to comply."

Uh-oh...

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NASA: Trip to Mars would exceed 'fatal cancer' radiation risk

Crisp
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Re: NASA wont

And probably starting up a ranch of buggalo before we've even got boots on the ground!

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Fancy some mobile filth? New logo tells you when not to bother

Crisp
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Re: As a nation (UK) sex has always been a taboo

Since when?

I remember seeing more tits in Carry On movies from the 60's than anything else I ever saw on TV.

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Crisp
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So we're decided then

The way to stop kids from accessing porn is to burn down all the hedges.

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Crisp
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Never in human history have horny little teenagers... etc

No more so than the rest of the population that enjoys porn. If you think that a horny 15 year old doesn't have access to the same material, then you've severely underestimated the biological imperative to seek out sex that appears to exist in all young boys.

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Crisp
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Too much time and money invested in worrying about the digital boogeyman

And not enough time spent by parents keeping an eye on their kids.

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Kettle 'which looks like HITLER' brews up sturm in a teacup

Crisp
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Re: For every nutter in the UK you get 5 in the US

Yes, but our nutters are British!

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Stand by for PURPLE KETCHUP as boffins breed SUPER TOMATOES

Crisp
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Re: Now what is the result if they are just fed ordinary tomatoes.

Are you insinuating that they didn't use a control group?

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Russians draw liquid blood from frozen woolly mammoth

Crisp
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Didn't I say the glacier algae would be the first wave?

Maybe when the next zombie apocalypse happens, you'll listen to me sooner!

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Oi, butterfingers! Drop your mobe in a pint? Hope it's not an iPhone

Crisp
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I've seen a ruggedised mobile phone used to hammer a nail into a wall.

You can get nigh on indestructible phones, but they are bloody expensive.

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Moss reanimates after 400 years in DEEP FREEZE

Crisp
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The Zombie Apocalypse Begins.

I predict that these are the first wave of scouts for a larger zombie army.

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