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* Posts by Crisp

2034 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

A drone that can walk home

Crisp
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Re: I predict..

I read that in the voice of David Attenborough

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Wow! British Gas bungs a million remote-controlled sales-droids in UK homes

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: No Reception

And what if some wit decides to put a faraday cage around it?

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You MERCILESS FIEND... you put that audio file on AUTOPLAY

Crisp
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Facepalm

HLW ?

A quick Google search suggested that this might stand for High-level waste. But from the context, I'm fairly sure that's not what was meant by that acronym.

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BOFH: Don't be afraid - we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printer

Crisp
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Dot Matrix Printers

Are made of machinery and noise!

Even with the acoustic hoods down, they still scream like toddlers.

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London Mayor shows off GIANT BLUE COCK in busy square

Crisp
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Pint

Re: A long way to go

She's a German poking fun, maybe their sense of humour is a little different to ours.

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Chromecast: We get our SWEATY PAWS on Google's tiny telly pipe

Crisp
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Looks Awesome!

I'd totally buy one if I had a TV

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Mozilla ponders blinkers for your browser

Crisp
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Meh

Browsing history

"Browsing history could be matched with interests in categories like technology, sports and cooking"

Yeah.... My browsing history doesn't really cover categories like that. Who knows what kind of stuff it would recommend with El Reg in my browsing history.

You click on one dodgy video on YouTube and suddenly you're getting all sorts of crap "Recommended for you" that you don't want. I fully expect this technology to function in the same way.

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'First' 3D-printed rifle's barrel splits after single shot

Crisp
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Terminator

Firearm Detected!

Please put down your weapon.

You have 20 seconds to comply.

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Curses! Reddit plan for fat old beardy to 'smell hot pop girl Taylor Swift's hair' FOILED

Crisp
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Always nice to see Anon doing something useful

Now if they could only do something about Justin Beeber!

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Senator: Surveillance state based on secret law 'has no place in America'

Crisp
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Secret Laws

Just like those godless commie Russians used to have!

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PHWOAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, Prime Minister

Crisp
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Children are getting far more access to pornography

Then stop allowing your children to access pornography.

If children were getting far more access to cars, you wouldn't ban cars. You'd remind parents to keep the keys safe.

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Web advert giant (Google) crams cash into Glass eyeball-chip brainiacs

Crisp
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It injects adverts directly into your eyeballs

Just like this liquid gets injected into this egg.

<<splat>>

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WAR ON PORN: UK flicks switch on 'I am a pervert' web filters

Crisp
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Big Brother

It wont need to be leaked.

I'm sure that all that information is passed along to the Pedofinder General.

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Crisp
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It's like an opt-in internet sex offenders register

Cameron's got a list,

He's checking it twice,

He's going to find out who's naughty, and naughty,

Cameron's come to pilfer your porn.

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French boffins: Regard, our record-breaking long, fat, wet pipe

Crisp
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El Reg Units

"40,632 naughty flicks across the Atlantic every second"

What that in HD porn movies?

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MIT boffins give computers control to clock faster TCP

Crisp
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Terminator

A learning network?

That can reprogram itself? I can't see that going wrong at all....

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Five bods wrongly cuffed thanks to bungled comms snooping in UK

Crisp
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Coat

Re: I had nothing to hide!

The refrain of flashers everywhere!

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Sexbomb pop minstrel Taylor Swift PORN FIB used to lure fanbois

Crisp
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Jerome Segura, came across the scam via a Bing Images search for Taylor Swift.

Yeah, that's what I'd tell my employer too if I got caught doing an image search for Taylor Swift!

Uh! Security research! Look! There's a new Javascript exploit right there!

Now to look for images of Taylor Momsen...

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UK investigators finger emergency beacon for 787 Heathrow fire

Crisp
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Pint

Re: Dammit Falanx!

You made me learn something!

On a Friday as well!

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Apple patents touch display that KNOWS YOU by your fingers

Crisp
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Boffin

What if you don't have fingerprints?

Let's say you've been using a lathe or something and all your fingerprints have rubbed off? How do you unlock your phone then?

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Spotify strikes back at Radiohead - but artists are still angry

Crisp
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Re: What exactly is those artists problem?

Maybe with the abundance of music that artists are producing now, music isn't worth what it used to be.

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Crisp
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What exactly is those artists problem?

They hate it when people pirate their music and they don't get paid.

They hate it when people legitimately stream their music and they do get paid.

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Google teases hush-hush Android event on July 24

Crisp
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Boffin

Assembled in USA

This really caught my eye. Is this a business decision? Or an attempt to avoid all the flak that Apple received over their device manufacturers slave-like labour conditions?

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Yahoo! gets animated GIF commendation for defending user privacy

Crisp
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Lousy Title

I still read it with an exclamation point after every word.

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Google and fellow ad-slingers PROMISE to starve pirates of oxygen

Crisp
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Advertisers need to get their own house in order.

It's hardly an industry of great reputation when I'm constantly getting bombarded with "Earn MegaBucks Working for Google!", "Find out the one easy tip that's got $INDUSTRY fuming!", and "Get your Russian mail order bride now!".

Once advertisers stop peddling counterfeit goods, dodgy pills, lies and pyramid schemes, then they might be in a position to talk.

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Man sues Apple for allowing him to become addicted to PORN

Crisp
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He has to be trolling.

I refuse to believe that any reasonable person expects the manufacturer of a bit of software to be responsible for doing exactly what they told it to do!

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DARPA uncloaks unTerminator for $2 million robotics challenge

Crisp
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Modular Wrists

Those could be dangerous in the wrong third party hands!

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Giant human-powered quadricopter wins $250,000 Sikorsky Prize

Crisp
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Amy! For the love of god keep pedaling!

Mines the one with the Futurama dvds in the pocket.

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Snowden leak: Microsoft added Outlook.com backdoor for Feds

Crisp
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Re: They're gonna enjoy looking through my emails

Ditto for me too. But I still wouldn't want anyone going through my inbox.

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Pirate Bay bod and pals bag $100k to craft NSA-proof mobe yammer app

Crisp
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Pirates to the rescue yet again!

Privacy for everyone!

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Caterpillar B15: The Android smartphone for the building site

Crisp
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Re: shame the spec is always lacking.

The spec is: A rugged smartphone.

From reading the article, it seems like they nailed it.

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Crisp
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No NFC reader?

They missed a trick there. This would be a great device for workers to use to check out stock and such.

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BAN UK tax breaks on patented tech, fumes German finance minister

Crisp
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Belgium, one of the first countries to introduce a patent box scheme

Should have patented it :D

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Universal Credit? Universal DISCREDIT, more like, say insiders

Crisp
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Dear UK Government

Please could you spend my tax money on people that can actually do the job they are hired to do?

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European Space Agency goes for mostly solid Ariane 6

Crisp
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New rocket to be called the Ariane 6

The cynical part of me is wondering how long the naming committee took to come up with that...

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'Priyanka' yanks your WhatsApp contact chain on Android mobes

Crisp
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Social Engineering

An essential instrument in the hackers toolkit for attacking one of the least secure parts of the system.

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Big Beardie is watching you: Lord Sugar gets into facial recognition

Crisp
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I really don't want tailored ads targeting me

Judging by my Google search history, I'm going to be seeing porn everywhere I go....

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Samsung Galaxy S3 explodes, turns young woman into 'burnt pig'

Crisp
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Re: What's the proper way to put out a lithium fire?

Awesome :) El Reg really is an education sometimes. Also, see the comment way way above this one about water inhibiting the thermal runaway.

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Crisp
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What's the proper way to put out a lithium fire?

I am not a chemist, but I remember from school that water and lithium is generally a bad combination. Is water really the safest way to put out a battery fire?

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Texas teen jailed for four months over sarcastic Facebook comment

Crisp
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Re: 'Church of Sarcasm'

Oh yeah! That sounds like a really good idea!

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Crisp
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His family says that the young man has been assaulted in jail multiple times

It's bad enough that he's been jailed for a boneheaded facebook comment, and now this?

Is this the American penal system at work? Is he being assaulted by the inmates or the wardens?

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OFFICIAL: Humans will only tolerate robots as helpful SLAVES

Crisp
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Re: Sex Slave Robots FTW!

How about if I were to build a robot that could consent to and even enjoy being a sex slave? Would that satisfy you?

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UK Post Office admits false accusations after computer system cockup

Crisp
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Some have been jailed and others have lost their homes and businesses

If it can be shown that those bugs are directly responsible for sending innocent people to jail, I think the Post Office are going to have a very very big legal bill on their hands.

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Star Wars missile intercept fails for fifth year running

Crisp
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Can't they have a word with the Israelis?

Their Iron Dome seems to work pretty well.

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15 MILLION dodgy login attempts spaffed all over Nintendo loyalists

Crisp
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Re: I wonder what the criminals were thinking.

They were probably thinking, "Woah, this is easy... Nintendo have obviously not heard of Intrusion detection."

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Elon Musk's Grasshopper tops 300m, lands safely

Crisp
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Re: vertical landing

Vertical landing would be a boon if you were thinking of landing your rocket on a planet or moon with little or no atmosphere.

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Microsoft offloads heap of critical fixes in 'ugly' Patch Tuesday

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: Let's hope that the software engineers behind the space programme never fall into that trap

Yeah.... Let's hope that never happens.

Mariner 1

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Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title

Crisp
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Re: Where's the magazine rack

You know what? A pot plant would really spruce that place up a bit.

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Germans brew up a right Sh*tstorm

Crisp
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Ich bin eine Shitstorm!

Sie müssen die Deutschen lieben! :D

(lieben die Deutschen? I can never remember where german verbs are supposed to go)

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UK data cops to Google: You've got three months to sort out privacy

Crisp
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Time for a little less bark and a little more bite

Google isn't going to take data protection seriously until the Information Commissioner's Office does.

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