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* Posts by Crisp

2043 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

US parents proclaim 811 'Messiahs'

Crisp
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That would make their son King Joke.

That's not a very nice name for King Joke.

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PLEASE let us build Fruit Loop Central, Apple begs Cupertino City

Crisp
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Re: Anus horribilis

Surely you mean annus?

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Cannabis can CURE CANCER - cheaply and without getting you high

Crisp
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Cannabis cures cancer?

I know some people that are going to live for ever!

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

Crisp
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Yahoo Articles

Yahoo articles are less annoying if you interpret each on of those ! as a "Boing!" sound.

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Now that's real science: CYBORG MONKEYS with PROSTHETIC ARMS

Crisp
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Replacement limbs for American troops

As soon as I read that, my first thought was of that guy from Starship Troopers

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Smile for the cops! Sexy Snapchat selfies' self-destruct scrubbed by search warrants

Crisp
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Re: I take it we're talking pedos trading CP here?

No we're probably talking about kids trading their selfies with other kids.

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Snowden's email provider Lavabit flows again to let users retrieve data

Crisp
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Re: I believe this is a trap

Where's Admiral Ackbar when you need him?

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Oracle says open source has no place in military apps

Crisp
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Turkeys campaigning against xmas has started early

Software house would rather people bought their product rather than roll their own?

Who'd of thought it?

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Let police track you through your mobe - it's for your OWN GOOD

Crisp
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Re: importance of having a mobile phone in the car

Get a cheap nokia brick phone like a Nokia 5100 and keep it in the glove box. It'll hold it's charge for ages, and it will let you make emergency calls even without a sim.

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Osborne to China: Keep watching Downton and we'll gloss over Huawei security worries

Crisp
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George Osborne doesn't have a clue does he?

He's like a duck in a hot air balloon.

He's got no clue where he is, how he got there, or what he's going to do next.

And when this all goes to pot, we're going to get crapped on from a great height.

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Island-hopping Beardy Branson: I'm dodging rain, not taxes

Crisp
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Nice to see Branson planning on doing something productive

Finally.

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Leaping SpaceX GRASSHOPPER ROCKET jumps 2,500ft, lands safely

Crisp
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Re: Mechjeb

Mechjeb isn't cheating!

It just makes things slightly easier....

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Crisp
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Well it works in Kerbal Space Program.

What took them so long?

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Murdoch calls for world+dog to 'expose' Google

Crisp
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Re: Every man is a pedophile until proven otherwise

So sayeth the Pedo-Finder General!

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Crisp
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I'd ask the world and his dog for dirt on Rupert Murdoch

But everyone already knows the kind of nefarious stuff his organisation gets up to.

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Apple bags top Windows feature: Blue Screen Of Death arrives on iPhone 5S

Crisp
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Boffin

Apple blatantly COPIES Windows

It's not copying when Apple does it.

They call it "innovation"

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Foxconn 'fesses up to labour breaches: Made students work long hours

Crisp
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No academic credit

What a swindle!

Intern is another word for free labour in some companies.

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YouTube turns on dormant DRM, permits official downloads

Crisp
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Don't worry

Some enterprising programmer will come up with a fix for it.

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ECHR rejects free speech plea over offensive online comments

Crisp
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Many angry readers posted "highly offensive or threatening" comments

And this recent court decision is likely to generate even more.

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Facebook RIPS away your veil of privacy, declares NO MORE HIDING

Crisp
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BRB

Deleting fucking everything...

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Office wage slaves face extinction at hands of ROBOTS - if bosses listen to Gartner

Crisp
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Garter is more right than they think.

Right now, I could replace half my co-workers with a hundred line QBASIC program.

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Turkish TV presenter canned for flashing too much cleavage

Crisp
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Silly Turkey

We men aren't so weak willed that a flash of cleavage will cause us to go on a sex fueled rampage.

The dress was fine.

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Web daddy Tim Berners-Lee: DRMed HTML least of all evils

Crisp
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DRM is not the right solution.

As a consumer, I've always found DRM a right hassle. In the case of the BBC it's stopped me from watching things that I have a legitimate right to see.

All this will do is encourage people to find workarounds so that they can watch the content they've purchased.

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Payday loans firm rapped for failing to register with Info Commissioner

Crisp
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That's a bit of a slap on the wrist isn't it?

I bet Hamed Shabani could pay that with the change in his pocket.

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EU digital tsar 'Steelie' Neelie Kroes: Telcos must adapt to losing roaming cash

Crisp
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Neelie's plan

"Neelie's plan is to get rid roaming charges across Europe by forcing operators to scrape them altogether."

If they scrape them altogether, won't charges increase? They should be scrapping them!

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Printing the Future: See a few of UK’s 6.2 million 3D-printed ‘things’

Crisp
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Re: Yes, but is it art? Photo

3D printed porn?

You mean I can have my own Lexi Belle? :D

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Be prepared... to give heathens a badge: UK Scouts open doors to unbelievers

Crisp
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Re: to do my duty to the Queen

Duty is open to interpretation :D

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Android adware that MUST NOT BE NAMED threatens MILLIONS

Crisp
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Detailed information will be provided to FireEye's customers

And that I suspect is why they aren't naming the culprit.

Screw the poor users. FireEye wants money!

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Digital 'activists' scramble to build Silk Road 2.0, but drug kingpins are spooked

Crisp
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Re: Is bumping off your enemies all just fine

Well the CIA don't seem to have a problem with it...

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Crisp
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Shortage of UK drug dealers?

Legalise the weed and there'll be hardly any!

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UK bankers prep for cyberwar: Will simulate ATTACK on system

Crisp
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Re: war game

Would you like to play a game?

>Total Global Financial Meltdown_

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Crisp
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They've already been tested.

And the easiest way to empty someones bank account is through the end user.

Good luck patching that hole.

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Brits spend one in every 12 waking minutes online, say beancounters

Crisp
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Coat

Other

Weirdest spelling of porn I've ever seen!

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New Terminator-style 'bots can self-assemble, leap, climb and SWARM

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: Not Terminator

It's ok! We're safe! We're fresh out of Neutronium as far as I can tell.

(We really need a "Don't Panic!" icon)

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Web Daddy Berners-Lee DRMs HTML5 into 2016

Crisp
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That seems like a lot of work just to make the internet inconvenient.

Anything that can be seen and heard, can be copied.

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NSA justifies hacking world's digital communications

Crisp
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NSA justifies hacking world's digital communications

I read the title, then I read the article.

I failed to see anything in there that justified opening Joe Blogg's mail.

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NSA using Firefox flaw to snoop on Tor users

Crisp
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Re: Its Linux so safer

And just how many people out there know how to properly secure a linux box?

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Crisp
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Both the NSA and GCHQ run Tor nodes themselves

Any chance of getting them to crank up their bandwidth? Dilbert is loading so slowly here!

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A-D'OH!-BE: Adobe hit by 'sophisticated' MEGA HACK RANSACK

Crisp
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Re: "We are not aware of any zero-day exploits targeting any Adobe products."

Why would they be looking? That's a foolhardy course of action!

If you go around looking for 0-day exploits and find them, then you have a responsibility to fix them!

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Mars boffins: You fools! That's no CRATER – it's a SUPER VOLCANO

Crisp
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Call that a Super Volcano?

It looks more like a Jackson Pollock.

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Former Microsoftie in AUTOMATIC BEER MAKER funding plea

Crisp
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Re: Combine it with a teasmaid

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

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Crisp
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The Nescafe of beers.

I don't see it working that well myself. I brew my own beer, and it's already pretty damn simple. Hop syrup, sugar, malt, hot water, yeast, and wait a week. Bottle it, then wait another week.

All that waiting gives the yeast time to turn all that sugar into tasty tasty alcohol, but even more time is needed to let the yeast settle and condition the beer. The yeast need to consume all the micro-nutrients to produce the deep rich flavour of the beer.

I imagine a machine like this producing a kind of artificial drink almost but not quite entirely unlike beer.

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Nielsen-Twitter axis, Facebook to brief TV lords on what online gobshites think of telly

Crisp
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Re: Did they ask about...

Do you have any Payment Protection Insurance?

Ok ok, I'll get my coat...

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CERN releases retro 'Line Mode' browser

Crisp
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Hey! Don't knock the CSS box model!

Seriously! Don't! It will probably fall over if you do!

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The LSD trick cyclist, the 1980s pop-star and video games to REPROGRAM YOUR BRAIN

Crisp
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This is your brain, this is your brain gaming, this is your brain gaming on drugs...

I'll see your Timothy Leary and raise you a Jeff Minter!

To this day I still get Llamatron flashbacks...

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LIVE, my beauty, LIVE! Nokia revives dead phone with LIGHTNING powered Frankencharger

Crisp
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I want one for my house!

I'm going to need a much taller chimney pot though.

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NASA finds use for 3D printers: Launch them into SPAAACE

Crisp
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Re: extrusion

From what I've seen in videos, powders tend to clump together in micro-gravity due to electrostatic forces between the individual grains.

Fast, repeatable clumping of solid particles in microgravity.

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Google: Thanks for the billions in revenue, UK. Here are your taxes, that's ... £11m

Crisp
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Re: Stop moaning already...

I just phoned David Cameron to tell him just that!

He said "Who are you and how did you get this number?"

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Hundreds of hackers sought for new £500m UK cyber-bomber strike force

Crisp
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Re: cybermen

I could get turned into a cyberman? Where do I sign!?!

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Crisp
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IT wizards?

It's not magic! Although to the untrained eye it can look like magic.

What exactly is it that Philip Hammond thinks we do?

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