* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Label your cables: A cautionary tale from the server room

Crisp

Re: How can you tell when a user is lying to you?

"Never believe a user"

Or to put it another way:

"Everybody Lies" - Dr G House.

London NHS trust fined £180,000 after second bcc fail on HIV email list

Crisp

Re: It's not accidental, it's ignorance.

In my experience ignorance leads to accidents.

Hey, YouTube: Pay your 'workers' properly and get with the times

Crisp

They are all millionaires

Is it really worth arguing over what fraction of a billion each of them gets?

Siemens Healthcare struck by rebranding madness

Crisp

Healthineers? Is that like a fungineer from Futurama?

I've never met anybody with a degree in healthineering.

Windows 10 free upgrade offer ends on July 29th

Crisp

If I upgrade to windows 10 and I don't like it

Will my Windows 7 installation still be valid?

Cops deploy StingRay anti-terror tech against $50 chicken-wing thief

Crisp

$56.77 Is approximately £39.19

For a few sandwiches and wings?

Were they dipped in gold?

Brits who live in 'smart cities' don't really know or care

Crisp
Boffin

What a fantastic lark!

1. Invent a new term no one has ever heard of.

2. Commission a report finding out no one's heard of it.

3. ????

4. Win £24,000,000

Ultra-cool dwarf throws planetary party

Crisp

Is this a place we could send a nano-probe to?

It would be interesting for my grandkids to find out if it's habitable or not.

The case for ethical ad-blocking

Crisp

Re: When is ad-blocking ethical?

It's my screen.

It displays what I want it to.

Hackers so far ahead of defenders it's not even a game

Crisp

Will management start to invest in security?

No. We really really need this feature right now and everyone needs to be able to use it. Can't you just stick a simple plaintext password on it for now and we'll come back to it later when we've got more time...

Germans stick traffic lights in pavements for addicts who can't take their eyes off phones

Crisp

Re: useless for the colour blind, who use the layout of the lights

I'm colour blind and believe it or not, we can see ruddy great big solid blocks of colour.

Picking red roses out of a green bush at a fair distance away is another story, but big massive lights? Not a problem.

How to overcome objections that stop your enterprise from adopting DevOps

Crisp

Re: I still have no idea what the fuck it is!

Imagine trying to fix the plane while you're still flying it.

That's DevOps!

Ten years in the clink, file-sharing monsters! (If UK govt gets its way)

Crisp

Re: Sub-prime mortgages weren't fraud

Yet HSBC's money laundering was most definitely a crime. And nobody went to prison for that either.

Crisp

How much is the IP Lobby paying for all this?

If our legal system is up for sale, we should at least make sure we get a good price for it. We don't want a repeat of the Royal Mail fiasco.

New EU security strategy: Sod cyber terrorism, BAN ENCRYPTION

Crisp

Re: Democratic Representation

MPs represent whoever last donated to the party coffers.

The web is DOOM'd: Average page now as big as id's DOS classic

Crisp

Re: Action Replay? You had it good!

Back when I had a ZX Spectrum I had to resort to writing my own bootloader just to poke in cheats!

How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

Crisp

Re: Printer hassles option E

Obviously the right answer is :

Please print out a printer repair form, sign it and date it and send it to IT support.

Admin fishes dirty office chat from mistyped-email bin and then ...?

Crisp

He couldn't look her in the eye?

What the hell did she do?

BOFH: If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it

Crisp
Paris Hilton

Have you tried using a lubricant?

Lauri Love backdoor forced-decryption case goes to court in UK

Crisp

Re: "A physical lock may be simply and quickly broken open"

If it can be simply and quickly broken open then it's a pretty shitty lock isn't it?

Ad slinger Phorm ceases trading

Crisp

Re: Would it be bad phorm to gloat?

More puns? Packet in the pair of you!

Britain is sending a huge nuclear waste shipment to America. Why?

Crisp

Can't we refine the waste?

Then recycle the uranium that we can use and dispose of the unwanted waste separately.

That naked picture on my PC? Not mine. The IT guy put it there

Crisp

Re: Some of the IT guys can be just as silly

Jolly good idea! Then everybody can see who's been slacking whacking off :)

FTFY

Crisp

Re: Nobody here watch porn?

Not at work I don't.

(expect for work on one website, and believe me, it's not the dream job that it sounds like.)

Large Hadron Collider gets 4,500 more data-crunching GPUs

Crisp

4,500 Nvidia Pascal GPUs

Sod how many petaflops they're getting! What's their frame rate like?

(inb4 But can it run Crysis. (It obviously can.))

There's oil in that thar … Chinese space probe?

Crisp

Re: Another idea.

That's why we need to perform the experiment Oengus. To see if we can get anything useful out of them with higher pressures.

Angry Vodafone customers spark Ofcom probe after phone bill overcharge snafu

Crisp

Testing. Vodafone have heard of it.

But it's just something other people do.

George Bush naked selfie hacker Guccifer gets his day in US court

Crisp

Old-fashioned investigative work

What? So the good old US of A didn't need to snoop on everyone's data to find the guy?

Spies rejoice! Gmail, Facebook Messenger BREACHed once again

Crisp

More illustrations by Randall Munroe please.

Even if you have to lock him up in your basement.

Bloaty banking app? There's a good chance it was written in Britain

Crisp

I worked at a place once where we got a bonus based on LOC

After

a

few

weeks

of

trying

to

read

code

like

this

.

It was quietly dropped for some reason.

'No regrets' says chap who felled JavaScript's Jenga tower – as devs ask: Have we forgotten how to code?

Crisp

My counter argument to David Haney is as follows:

Have you seen what happens when your average programmer tries to roll his own date handling function? Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, why not use something that actually works?

IBM's 'neurosynaptic chip' to power nuke-watching exascale rig

Crisp

Re: Skynet will not arrive

Thanks to that wikipedia link, and checking brain to body mass ratios I found this:

The bony-eared assfish.

Crisp

Re: 2.5 watts ? Really ?

Apparently both the cores and the on-chip network operate without clocking.

That, IBM says, is the key to the low power consumption in TrueNorth.

Crisp
Gimp

Re: Skynet

I was wondering what those chips reminded me of...

It almost looks like a component from a Cyberdyne Systems model 101.

Microsoft's bigoted teen bot flirts with illegali-Tay in brief comeback

Crisp

They could have put that bot on 4chan

No one would have suspected a thing.

Teen tricks leaky Valve into publishing hot new Steam game: Watching Paint Dry

Crisp

NASA discovers black hole here on Earth – in its software budget

Crisp

Re: Imagine if this thing actually existed...

How well defined are the requirements? Poorly defined projects can go on for ever...

Crisp

In the past I've used an Escrow Agreement.

The code is held by a third party so that in the event that something unfortunate happened to the software company, we could still access all the code and documentation.

Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

Crisp

Re: No wonder it's rubbish...

It's more like series of tubes...

Researchers find hole in SIP, Apple’s newest protection feature

Crisp

Re: Three letter acronyms

Of all the other 17575 three letter acronyms out there, why did they have to pick that one?

Sensors, not CPUs, are the tech that swings the smartphone market

Crisp

Gear VR is a fantastic piece of hardware...

It's the software support that lets it down.

Hands on with the BBC's Micro:Bit computer. You know, for kids

Crisp

The same memory as the BBC Micro Model A of 15 years ago...

But will it still run Elite?

Champagne supernova in the sky: Shockwaves seen breaking star

Crisp

Re: Safe distance

The safe distance for your average over the counter firework is around 20-30 meters. A star is a lot bigger than a firework, so you'd probably need to scoot back a little further.

It'll be the radiation that will get you though. Obligatory XKCD Reference.

Electronic Superhighway 2016-1966 – a retro: Texts, ar*se and ASCII rolls

Crisp

"the classic film Casablanca is played back as live ASCII art"

Doesn't live ASCII art put a bit of a strain on the typists wrists?

Why should you care about Google's AI winning a board game?

Crisp

He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help you.

Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.

Only 12% of UK thinks Snoopers' Charter is 'adequately explained'

Crisp

Of course it's a democracy!

Just like the Democratic People's Republic of Korea or the Democratic Republic of the Congo...

Phorm suspends its shares from trading amid funding scrabble

Crisp

It couldn't have happened to a nicer company.

Seriously, who in their right mind thought that customers would accept them doing deep packet inspection on their private traffic?

Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

Crisp

Re: So he'll be doing some hard time?

That's what happens when you contravene the penile code.

UK.gov could reopen Google's £130m HMRC tax deal, says Parliament

Crisp

Re: Most likely £130m.

You're suggesting they broke even?

I'd be willing to bet that the cost was a lot higher.

Child tracker outfit uKnowKids admits breach, kicks off row with security researcher

Crisp

Re: inaccurate statement?

That was the line that got me as well. "we do not approve of his methods because it unnecessarily puts customer data and intellectual property at risk"

Their customers data was already at risk. If it had not been at risk, his methods would not have worked!