* Posts by Crisp

2205 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

ZX Spectrum 'Hobbit' revival sparks developer dispute

Crisp
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> WALK INTO MORDOR

You are unable to do that.

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Robots.txt tells hackers the places you don't want them to look

Crisp
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Robots.txt should not be a security measure.

And to be honest, I'd be astounded if anyone thought it was.

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Drone penetrates Virgin's shapely space arse

Crisp
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Re: Slightly worrying

Nice one Beavis!

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Boffins brew 'Stop Light' that turns photons in fibre into memory

Crisp
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Re: So an optical mercury delay line?

I was thinking RADAR too when I was reading the article :)

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Going up hills past blokes with coke-bottle legs: The Smart E-bike

Crisp
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I got a Dillenger kit

It makes the 3 mile commute into work a breeze. And it comes with a twist and go throttle, it's easy to put together on an existing bike and the battery life is good.

250W Electric Bike Kit

You will need a torque arm to stop the motor from working itself out of the dropouts, and the only complaint I've really got is that they should include one in the kits.

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Fox gives Minority Report the nod – precog goes primetime on tellybox

Crisp
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I'll wait to see if it survives a second season

I've been burned too many times before.

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Boffins' ball barrage bombardment biffs bumbling bimble biped-bot

Crisp
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Re: Has nothing been learned from Endor?

I imagine that the Ewoks were under regular incursion from Imperial troops and set up forest defences accordingly. After all, those troops must have had a presence there for some time to construct the force field emitter.

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Crisp
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FAIL

Has nothing been learned from Endor?

That's not how you take down a walker! You want to swipe it with a tree trunk!

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French BIONIC EYE sits IN your peeper, feeds infrared light into nerves

Crisp
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How soon until I get Terminator vision?

I'd settle for plain old Predator heat vision though...

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WHY can't Silicon Valley create breakable non-breakable encryption, cry US politicians

Crisp
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Remember when the DVD encryption key got leaked?

They couldn't stuff that genie back in bottle, what makes them think that they can do the same with a law enforcement encryption key when it gets leaked?

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Your new car will dob you in to the cops if you crash, decrees EU

Crisp
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Automatic alerts

Are usually automatically ignored.

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MASSIVE FAIL: Indian gov DOXXES net neutrality campaigners

Crisp
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Is that a screenshot of a detailed .net error?

That's a rather big mistake to make on a commercial website.

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Top Spanish minister shows citizens are thick as tortillas de ballenas

Crisp
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Breaking News! People are idiots.

And they can vote...

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You! GOOGLE! HAND OVER the special SAUCE, says Senate (of France)

Crisp
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I didn't know a court could compel a company to divulge a trade secret.

Can we have the recipe for Coke too while they're at it?

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IWF took down over 31,000 child sexual abuse URLs in 2014

Crisp
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The protection of children shouldn't be left up to an unaccountable charity

It needs proper oversight and transparency. And if the IWF runs out of donations then who will carry out this vital work?

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EU says dominant Google ILLEGALLY FIDDLES search results

Crisp
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I'm confident that Google has illegal nuclear weapons.

Google now has the opportunity to convince me to the contrary.

Ok Google, prove that you haven't.

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Lib Dems wheel out Digital Rights Bill pledge as election sweetener

Crisp
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Re: WTF is a digital sphere?

It's like an analogue sphere, except with corners.

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+5 ROOTKIT OF VENGEANCE defeats forces of gaming good

Crisp
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If professional gamers are really worried about cheating

Then why don't they use a LAN disconnected from the outside world using machines all built to the same spec with the same hardware and no cheat programs on any of them.

It would be fair because they would all be using standardised equipment.

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Google: Give us cash or we'll poke YouTube ads into your eyeballs

Crisp
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I can't remember the last time I saw some really good brasts

I don't think I can remember the first time either...

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Ex-cop: Holborn fireball comms outage cover for £200m bling heist gang

Crisp
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Theft is bad.

But I can't help feeling ever so slightly impressed with their work.

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Oh no, Moto! Cable modem has hardcoded 'technician' backdoor

Crisp
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A hardcoded backdoor?

What on earth made them think that wouldn't get found? Security by obscurity isn't secure.

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Facebook 'violates Euro data law' say Belgian data cops' researchers

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: "friended"

Befriended

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Virgin Media takes its time on website crypto upgrade

Crisp
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There are no practical exploits of the algorithm

Challenge Accepted!

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Tim Cook: I'll give just a THIRD of what Gates gave to charity last year

Crisp
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Re: fucking moron

There's no reason why Tim Cook can't see to it that Apple pays its fair share of tax and give to charity.

It's not an exclusive either/or thing.

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'Why don't you buy from foreign sites?' asks Commish, snapping on the gloves

Crisp
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Re: Interfauna

1 Review

Package contained live bobcat.

Would buy again.

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NASA: We're gonna rip up an ASTEROID and make it ORBIT the MOON

Crisp
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Coat

I've seen this movie...

It hits Paris.

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Lighty and flighty: Six sizzling portable projectors

Crisp
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The article needed a summary at the end

Maybe a table of how the projectors compared? So you can see at a glance how much they cost and what kind of display you can get out of them.

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Apple's portable power podule patent promises paroxysms of fanboi joy

Crisp
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Sounds like the Kraftwerk fuel cell.

It looks pretty neat

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My self-driving cars may lead to human driver ban, says Tesla's Musk

Crisp
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Re: let alone a (what's the collective noun - Johnny Cab?) collection of them.

A cabal of Johnny Cabs?

A charge of Johnny Cabs?

Though I guess a fleet, mayhem, or a stack of cars would do.

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Crisp
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Re: Am I the only one...

We drive around in cars built by robots and that seemed to work out well enough.

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NASA wants you to help space mining corp strip mine the Solar System

Crisp
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Joke

Oh yes! There's no safer occupation than mining!

Especially when you're perched on top of a rock hurtling around the solar system at 28,000mph!

(bonus points if you read it in Professor Farnsworths voice)

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Watching porn makes men BETTER in bed, say trick-cyclists

Crisp
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Boffin

There's only so much you can tell from one study...

I for one think that more research is needed!

Lots more research!

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Curiosity rover's broken arm heals, exploration-as-normal resumes

Crisp
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Well there's no use crying over every mistake

You just keep on trying and hope your arm wont break.

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Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Crisp
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Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Because there is no Paris Hilton angle (except that she probably can't add two numbers together either).

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Crisp
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Why didn't you publish the company's name and address?

I need to know for um... research purposes.

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Ad bidding network caught slinging ransomware

Crisp
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Go

Do you realise how hard it is to find good quality ASCII porn?

Challenge Accepted.

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Crisp
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Re: Feeling guilty

You can add El Reg to a whitelist on Adblock to allow advertising on the site. You get to read El Reg guilt free and they still get their ad revenue.

You still get to surf the rest of the web ad free and El Reg still has an income. Everyone wins! :)

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'Roly poly' soft, wobbly robot BANGS EXPLOSIVELY, leaps 0.5m in air

Crisp
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It looks a little like a Puddi

See title.

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US air traffic control 'vulnerable to hackers' says watchdog

Crisp
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Didn't I see this in that documentary WarGames?

No... wait... That was the airline booking system.

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Quantum computers have failed. So now for the science

Crisp
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Simply fascinating...

What was even better is that there wasn't a single bit of difficult maths in the entire piece. Brilliantly done.

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Boffins say Mars had ocean covering 20 per cent of planet

Crisp
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Re: If you draw Mars with 20% of the surface covered in water

I'm guessing that the picture is an early shot of Mars before the Martians had time to dig all the canals.

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Upper house of Parliament joins the drone debate

Crisp
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That's what the House of Lords came up with?

"[There should be an app for that.]" Are they going to write it?

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FREAK show: Apple and Android SSL WIDE OPEN to snoopers

Crisp
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"pushing hard for a backdoor"

Sounds more kinky than sinister.

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Google's 'encrypted-by-default' Android is NOT encrypting by default

Crisp
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NSA and GCHQ were unavailable for comment.

Notable for its absence at the end of the article.

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The BBC wants to slap a TAX on EVERYONE in BLIGHTY

Crisp
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"Over the next 10 years distribution over the internet will be as important as over the airwaves"

Where's he been for the last 10 years?

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El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Crisp
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Flame

Tried to buy one

Tried to pay twice with two different cards. Payment rejected both times.

Why wont you take my money El Reg?

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Net neutrality secrecy: No one knows what the FCC approved (BUT Google has a good idea)

Crisp
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"This is not a 'secret plan'" - "It's part of a process."

Yes. A secret process.

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Microsoft man: Internet Explorer had to go because it's garbage

Crisp
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Not to be confused with Project Satan

Which is working on putting together one of the most evilist browsers ever.

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Boffin: Use my bionic breakthrough for good, and not super cyborgs

Crisp
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Why can't we use it for both?

I could be a good super cyborg.

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MP resigns as security committee chair amid 'cash-for-access' claims

Crisp
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Re: Is there a particular reason MP's seem to get away with resigning when this happens?

It's because they can't get fired, and we can't constitutionally vote them out of office if they don't do their job properly.

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