* Posts by Crisp

2461 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Crisp
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Pint

Really, I just want a Friday pint.

Isn't that really all that any of us really want?

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I fart in your general direction! Comet 67P lets rip on Europe's Rosetta probe

Crisp
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"Some of the dust was moving so fast it registered as trails..."

What the hell has Comet 67P been eating?

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NIST spins atomic gyroscope to allow navigation without GPS

Crisp
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Coat

Re: That's a rather accurate scale to weigh out 8 million Rb atoms...

Obviously they don't weigh them out. They count them out by picking up each individual atom with a pair of very small tweezers.

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Beauty site lets anyone read customers' personal information

Crisp
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Why are we drawing up UML diagrams for malicious actors?

Nobody should be acting maliciously anyway!

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Password strength meters promote piss-poor paswords

Crisp
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Passwords need to be rethought

There are lots of sites out there that seem to be stuck in the 1980's when an 8 character password would have been enough. Times have changed. Storage space is now so cheap we can afford for our users to have passphrases hundreds of characters long.

(Obligatory XKCD link)

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Bees bring down US stealth fighter

Crisp
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Re: Brings a new meaning to

You two need to beehive yourselves! There's no need to keep droning on with puns...

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Don't want to vote for Clinton or Trump? How about this woman who says Wi-Fi melts kids' brains?

Crisp
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Re: Anti-vaxxers

Not just endangering.

Murdering.

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Samsung Note 7: Probably the best phone in the world. Yeah – you heard right

Crisp
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Nice to see that it's waterproof

I for one like taking notes in the bathtub.

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Web meltdown: BT feels heat from angry punters

Crisp
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Keep Calm

And

Play Solitaire

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Crisp
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Re: Hammerite paint

Have you tried eBay?

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PokeCops catch no crims

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: What kind of self-respecting hardened criminal plays with Pokemons?

Team Rocket.

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Dear Tesla, stop calling it autopilot – and drivers are not your guinea pigs

Crisp
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Re: "Tesla cars don't have an R2D2 in the trunk taking control."

How long until I can have an R2D2 in the trunk taking control? (because that would be so cool)

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Gaming apps, mugging and bad case of bruised Pokéballs

Crisp
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I've got a lot of fond memories of playing Pokemon Leafgreen with my son.

Where's the harm in a little playtime?

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

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UK gov says new Home Sec will have powers to ban end-to-end encryption

Crisp
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Re: ...you keep using that word

El reg would benefit greatly with reaction gifs

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Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies

Crisp
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How about we start with age appropriate adverts.

I don't actually think this would be a good thing. But if we can keep the government tied up with policing the least desirable part of the internet then the rest of us can actually get on with some real work.

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Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Crisp
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I googled "beer pong"

Who the hell would play a game that gets in the way of your drinking?

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FTC wants a date with Ashley Madison's fembots

Crisp
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Every dating site is like that.

Dating sites don't make money matching people up. They make money by getting men to fork out for a membership and it's in their financial interest to keep that going as long as possible.

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

Crisp
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Re: That could be circumvented by simply lying.

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?

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Crisp
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Re: The Govt filter for stuff we shouldn't see.

Which site is this? A friend of mine wants to know for research purposes...

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Obi Worldphone MV1: It's striking, it's solid. Aaaand... we've run out of nice things to say

Crisp
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Mr Hoppy!

But where's Ivan?

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Israel's security minister suckers Zucker for Facebook'ed killings

Crisp
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If those are public posts...

Then surely Israel's Public Security Minister Gilad Erdan can check them themselves?

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Spam King sent down for 30 months

Crisp
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He is not going to be popular in prison

I wonder where spammers fall in the prisoner hierarchy?

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Russian government hackers spent a year in our servers, admits DNC

Crisp
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Why not just keep running the server and fill it with misinformation?

They could have had a lot of fun with that.

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Fresh hell for TalkTalk customers: TeamView trap unleashed

Crisp
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"TalkTalk’s board will discuss the matter at a meeting this week"

I'm sure their customers feel safer already.

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No 10's online EU vote signup crash 'inevitable' – GDS overseer

Crisp
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Boffin

“I am very surprised that it crashed” - Liam Fox MP

I'm not.

But then I would have hosted it in a proper cloud environment that would have brought more resources to bear as demand increased.

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Sophos U-turns on lack of .bat file blocking after El Reg intervenes

Crisp
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Re: ren virus.csv virus.exe

Real harcore hackers use a magnetised needle and a steady hand.

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Crisp
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Re: ren virus.csv virus.exe

rem Use .cmd extension to bypass .bat filter.

copy con script.cmd

ren virus.csv virus.exe

^z

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Dyfed-Powys Police fined for publicising pervs' particulars

Crisp
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Why don't we have a register of all criminals?

I can understand people wanting to know if someone in their community has a predilection for sex offences, but what about other offences that affect the community?

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EU referendum frenzy bazookas online voter registration. It's another #GovtDigiShambles

Crisp
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Why isn't this cloud based?

And why didn't additional servers come online as demand increased?

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Arrests for 'offensive' Twitter and Facebook messages up by a third

Crisp
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Re: Please don't tell the Metropolitan Police about 4chan.

I knew it! The Register is full of oldfags.

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Crisp
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Please don't tell the Metropolitan Police about 4chan.

We just don't have enough lawyers and jail space.

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Trouble originating between chair and keyboard caused most UK breaches

Crisp
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Sadly this comes too late for any kid with a VTech product.

Or T-Mobile customers.

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ISS pump-up space podule fully engorged

Crisp
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That's reality for you...

It's frequently unrealistic.

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Seattle Suehawks: Smart meter hush-up launched because, er ... terrorism

Crisp
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Oh good, security by obscurity.

If obscurity is that important, I'd hazard a guess that there's next to no security at all.

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Third of US banks OK with passwords even social networks reject

Crisp
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Why am I stuck using a 10 character password in 2016 for most sites?

I should be able to have a password as long as this post if it is required, and must contain letters.

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US schoolkids deploy Earth-watching CubeSat

Crisp
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Re: A medal blessed by the Pope?

I understand that it's a religious school. That's plain to see.

If they just needed a religious afectation to send, why not a prayer written on paper. Or one of their wafers. Or just paint a + on the side. Why go to all the trouble of adding something big and heavy like a medal to the satellite?

Weight and it's distribution is important. More so in a cube sat I would imagine. It must be in there for a reason, or it's just taking up valuable space.

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Crisp
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A medal blessed by the Pope?

Is that for ballast?

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Vostochny cosmodrome caught on Soyuz rocketcam

Crisp
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PhysX glitch?

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HSBC swinging axe on UK IT department, 840 heads to roll

Crisp
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Can anyone recommend a good bank?

I'm taking my overdraft elsewhere!

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Curiosity find Mars' icecaps suck up its atmosphere

Crisp
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Mars is reliably cold

So pack a sweater?

Maybe two?

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Woz says 'Jobs started Apple for money' – then says it must pay 50% tax like he does

Crisp
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I thought that corporations were people in America

So surely they ought to be paying income tax as well?

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Google kneecaps payday loan ads

Crisp
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Google will be keeping the money they've made so far though...

Because once a payment has been deposited at the bank, it's no longer immoral.

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Label your cables: A cautionary tale from the server room

Crisp
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Re: How can you tell when a user is lying to you?

"Never believe a user"

Or to put it another way:

"Everybody Lies" - Dr G House.

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London NHS trust fined £180,000 after second bcc fail on HIV email list

Crisp
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Re: It's not accidental, it's ignorance.

In my experience ignorance leads to accidents.

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Hey, YouTube: Pay your 'workers' properly and get with the times

Crisp
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They are all millionaires

Is it really worth arguing over what fraction of a billion each of them gets?

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Siemens Healthcare struck by rebranding madness

Crisp
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Healthineers? Is that like a fungineer from Futurama?

I've never met anybody with a degree in healthineering.

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Windows 10 free upgrade offer ends on July 29th

Crisp
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If I upgrade to windows 10 and I don't like it

Will my Windows 7 installation still be valid?

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Cops deploy StingRay anti-terror tech against $50 chicken-wing thief

Crisp
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$56.77 Is approximately £39.19

For a few sandwiches and wings?

Were they dipped in gold?

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Brits who live in 'smart cities' don't really know or care

Crisp
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Boffin

What a fantastic lark!

1. Invent a new term no one has ever heard of.

2. Commission a report finding out no one's heard of it.

3. ????

4. Win £24,000,000

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