* Posts by Crisp

2262 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Stench of confiscated dope overwhelms Catalan cop shop

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

In other news...

Doughnut sales in Olot have gone through the roof.

7
0

OH DEAR, WHSmith: Sensitive customer data spaffed to world+dog

Crisp
Silver badge

"It is a bug not a data breach."

Why not both?

0
0

Swiss watch: Cuckoo-clock cops threaten Win 10 whup-ass can pop

Crisp
Silver badge

Ban the sale of Windows 10 in Switzerland?

How is that going to help? I thought Microsoft were giving it away for free?

5
1

Sysadmin ignores 25 THOUSAND patches, among other sins

Crisp
Silver badge

Is there someone you'd like to punch?

Would you like the complete list or just my top 100?

0
0

Camera-carrying DOLPHIN SPY caught off Gaza

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Whatever next?

Narwhals with nukes?

4
0

Why do driverless car makers have this insatiable need for speed?

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Automate the Pedestrians.

I'm working on it, but they keep wriggling when I try to implant the chips into their skull.

1
0

Has anyone lost 37 dope plants, Bolton cops nonchalantly ask on Facebook

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Does plod know?

I've heard from a friend that you can get feminized seeds now. No need to weed out the males with them.

0
0

'I don't recognise Amazon as a bullying workplace' says Bezos

Crisp
Silver badge

It's funny how the king can walk through the city and see no poverty.

I'm willing to bet all his parcels arrive on time as well.

19
0

Reddit caves to Russian fungus censorship demands

Crisp
Silver badge

Material which "may elicit fear, horror or panic in children"

So.... every episode of Dr Who featuring Daleks then?

8
0

Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

It looks like a real life tentacle monster.

Thankfully it looks far to small to pose any real kind of threat to a Japanese girl's school.

6
0

Monster Scalextric Formula 1 circuit to go under the hammer

Crisp
Silver badge

TCR was way better than Scalextric

But just like the Betamax vs VHS war, the less technologically advanced solution won.

1
1

Exploding Power Bars: EE couldn't even get the CE safety mark right

Crisp
Silver badge

You've got to love that quote from them...

"We strongly refute any suggestion that safety concerns were ignored or dismissed without careful consideration."

After reading that I was left with the impression that after careful consideration, the safety concerns were ignored and dismissed. Is that what they intended to say?

10
0

Put it away: Dwarf's 'supermassive' marvel is actually smallest thing boffins have ever seen

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

This black hole is small .

This one . is just very very far away.

5
0

Painfully insecure GDS spaffs £21,000 on online narcissism tool

Crisp
Silver badge

Brandwatch monitors conversations happening online...

Because that doesn't sound creepy at all.

0
0

Stop taking drug advice from Kim Kardashian on Twitter, sighs watchdog

Crisp
Silver badge

Drugs for morning sickness...

If I were Kim I'd be very wary about endorsing something like that.

Then again, she's probably never even heard of Thalidomide.

17
0

Apple and Google are KILLING KIDS with encryption, whine lawyers

Crisp
Silver badge

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

-----BEGIN PGP MESSAGE-----

PakBAwNtRCE45qIFUpCj3Pjh3jRoPVmiQOb8n5PuhipuIP4v6ANCboWnCUam7NGd

VHuU2OLX36QWOoPI5Ewl9xto+3iqjlclTaiRlHo0JHU8EOv75BpjahzKhDCV2lMQ

q9QOHBESsU9xhk/t7gnT2EfhxzPHTb2N7fkPRFqItMU949hSvaYtN3AA80qxjkic

EF6QQjrw38UNz2IZGplKHFKT39laI7NywviI7LmfJYHMoIFhdz97Woad1MCMPq/G

-----END PGP MESSAGE-----

23
0

Lettuce in SPAAACE: Captive ISS 'nauts insist orbital veg is 'awesome'

Crisp
Silver badge
Pint

Could this technology be used to grow hops?

Just curious...

2
0

Indian carriers forced to send TXT for every 10 megabyte download

Crisp
Silver badge

So downloading Ubuntu @ 883 MB evaluates to...

88 sodding text messages that need deleting.

0
0

Boffins: The universe is DOOMED and there's nothing to be done

Crisp
Silver badge

If the cyclic model of the universe is correct, it would make a great big bang party too.

0
0

Want to download free AV software? Don't have a Muslim name

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: yeah, that'll stop thum pesky terr'ists

Don't be silly! People wouldn't just go on the internet and tell lies.

14
0

Junior defence staffer on trial for 'posting secret dossier to 4chan'

Crisp
Silver badge
Boffin

Unlucky...

He should have hidden himself behind 7 proxies.

4
0

AIDS? Ebola? Nah – ELECTRO SMOG is our 'biggest problem', says Noel Edmonds

Crisp
Silver badge

There isn't such a thing as death?

Try telling that to the family of Michael Lush.

15
0

W3C's bright idea turned your battery into a SNITCH for websites

Crisp
Silver badge
Flame

Re: The good news is...

That is not good news!

0
0
Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Seriously?

Remember, these are the same people that brought you the marquee and the blink tag.

4
2

Remember Impero, the school software biz that went ape over a vuln? Someone's got revenge

Crisp
Silver badge

Has the flaw actually been fixed?

I need to know for a friend...

3
0

Assessing the power of Intel’s SSD 750 … but check your motherboard before buying

Crisp
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: A Hard Disk - on a card?

My first 20Mb Winchester Drive for my 8086 came on its own full length ISA card.

(Yes... I'm that old.)

11
0

Lottery chief resigns as winning combo numbers appear on screen BEFORE being drawn

Crisp
Silver badge

Lottery employees who worked during the draw will have to undergo a lie detector test

Really?

Why not just throw them into a pond to see if they float?

26
0

This is TRUE science: Harvard boffins fire up sizzling BACON LASER

Crisp
Silver badge

Little practical use, but "very cool"

Don't most scientific discoveries start out like that?

On an unrelated note, how close are they to providing me with Superman laser vision?

2
0

Ashley Madison invites red-faced cheats to bolt stable door for free

Crisp
Silver badge

You've got to wonder about a website that charges you to delete your profile

But I guess you only find out about that once you try to delete it.

0
0

SPACESUIT, once FOUND ON MOON: Crowd action saves it for the public

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

They could have at least ironed it!

It's all wrinkly!

0
0

Happy birthday, Amiga: The 'other' home computer turns 30

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Speedball 2

It's been given a reboot. Check it out on Steam.

1
0

NASA briefing in HOURS: 'We are upon the CUSP of finding ANOTHER EARTH'

Crisp
Silver badge

Only 5 light years away?

What's that in lifetimes?

0
0

Project Morpheus VR headset hands-on at the Sony Summer Showcase

Crisp
Silver badge
Coat

Hans Solo....

Obviously Han Solo's German brother.

4
0

Cell division: The engine of life – and of CANCER. Now some of its secrets are revealed

Crisp
Silver badge

"Standard Reg science quality warning"

Still better than the Daily Mail on a good day.

5
1

Download Festival face scan: You’re right to be annoyed, said UK surveillance commish

Crisp
Silver badge

"I’m told these are heavy metal acts that performed at the festival"

That surveillance camera commissioner is so detached he doesn't even know which demographic he's been trampling all over.

4
0

BZZZT! NHS e-Referral system flatlines again

Crisp
Silver badge

With a price tag of £131 million

You'd expect it to scale properly.

0
0

Robot SHOOTS into the air with hot gas from its soft round behind

Crisp
Silver badge
Joke

Poor abused little robots...

Show me on the doll where Nicholas Bartlett touched you.

0
0

Sorry, say boffins, the LHC still hasn't sucked us into a black hole

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Theoretical, microscopic, dimension-hopping overlords

If they turn out to be mice then I'm leaving the planet.

10
0

'Real' vampires reluctant to 'come out of the coffin' to social workers – barmy prof

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Is the Prof...

If his research really sucks, maybe he can improve on it in his necks paper.

6
0

Behold the mighty Swiss SPACE JUNK NOSHER PODULE

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Space Wombles

No! We need to call Mr Spoon!

With 91 successful lunar missions under his belt, he's probably more experienced than Jeremiah Kerbal.

1
0

Dormant ALIEN SLIME LIFE frozen in SPEEDING comet will AWAKEN - boffins

Crisp
Silver badge

I've seen this movie...

It eats Olin Howland.

0
0

North America down to its last ~130,000 IPv4 addresses

Crisp
Silver badge

We need to invent a new version of IP

We could crank the version number up by a couple of notches to make it sound really new, and we could fix it so that instead of using 32 bit addresses, we could use 64 bit addresses. No wait...! How about 128 bit addresses? That ought to keep us going for the next thousand years or so...

2
0

Silly Google's Photos app labelled BLACK PEOPLE as GORILLAS

Crisp
Silver badge

Stuff kids say

To be fair to Google that machine can only be a few years old, and what toddler hasn't said something inappropriate?

14
0

World+dog will soon watch 'at least 200 pr0n vids a year'

Crisp
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Some watchers likely to, err, contribute significantly more

You're welcome :D

4
0

With Hobbit and LoTR in the can, Trolls no longer welcome in New Zealand

Crisp
Silver badge

What's the definition of serious emotional distress?

I get that just reading the morning news!

7
0

Giant male member spontaneously ejaculates over Norway

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: What a massive...

To be fair, you need some balls to go out dressed like that.

5
0

'Please, choose to be a good citizen and DON’T ask Siri about 9/11'

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: Silly people

The one true date format is YYYYMMDD and always will be.

All praise to the ISO 8601!

4
0

This whopping 16-bit computer processor is being built by hand, transistor by transistor

Crisp
Silver badge

Re: That's quite a bit of work

He seems to know watt he's doing.

2
0
Crisp
Silver badge

It's so beautiful!

And something that I've always wanted to do myself.

A work of art of that quality deserves to be in a museum for all to see.

14
0

It's OK – this was an entirely NEW type of cockup, says RBS

Crisp
Silver badge

Entirely unrelated to the 2012 mega IT cock-up?

So nothing to do with them getting rid of all their experienced techs and replacing them with outsourced newbs that know nothing about the RBS systems?

6
0

Forums