* Posts by Crisp

2484 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Pokemon NO! Hospital demands ban on virtual creatures after addicts invade private wards

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: pokemon

I thought the pokenurse was called Joy.

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Add 'fattism' and hacker stereotyping to the list of Donald Trump's list of non-PC positions

Crisp
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Re: Trump Taxes

"Trump later argued that he will release more tax records when Clinton releases the 33,000 emails deleted from her private server."

Shouldn't he be releasing his tax returns the same way every presidential candidate has for the last 100 years? Why is he trying to make it contingent on something that's probably never going to happen?

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Forgive me, father, for I have used an ad-blocker on news websites...

Crisp
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Advertising is frequently a vector for malware.

I feel about as guilty running an adblocker as I do about running an antivirus program.

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Zombie Moore's Law shows hardware is eating software

Crisp
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Re: Nothing wrong with the chips.

All a "proper dev" needs is a magnetized needle and a steady hand.

(XKCD 378)

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Wow, RIP hackers ... It's Cyber-Lord Blunkett to the rescue for UK big biz

Crisp
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Ah, it's the same guy that gave us Job Centre Plus

And our short sighted "anti-terror" legislation. And he authorised MI5 to collect bulk telephone data.

Is he really in any position to be advising businesses on security?

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Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

Crisp
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That's good to know.

Next time I have to go through US Customs I'll have to have a fake facebook account set up that's full of memes about how great america is and about how much I love democracy and freedom.

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Apple seeks patent for paper bag - you read that right, a paper bag

Crisp
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Folds or Gussets?

It has to be one or the other. Which is it?!?

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Pluto's emitting X-rays, and NASA doesn't quite know how

Crisp
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Re: There was nothing in my horoscope about this this morning.

Oh I know it's all complete and utter nonsense. That's mostly because I'm a capricorn and we're a bit more skeptical than other signs.

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Crisp
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There was nothing in my horoscope about this this morning.

I do wonder sometimes what astrologers make of all these new discoveries in the solar system.

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Dark web drug sellers shutter location-tracking EXIF data from photos

Crisp
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The criminal underground are finally catching up with 4chan

Posting a jpg with exif data was just asking to get trolled (or worse...)

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It's OK for the FBI's fake hacks to hack suspects' PCs, says DoJ watchdog

Crisp
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He created a MySpace page.

The FBI were obviously dealing with a 1337 haxor.

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Microsoft thinks time crystals may be viable after all

Crisp
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Boffin

Time Crystals?

It sounds like they need The Doctors help...

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Public masturbation not a crime declares Italy’s top court

Crisp
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Re: Oh stop

He had some balls to appeal the fine. I'm surprised he pulled it off successfully.

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Star Trek's Enterprise turns 50 and still no sign of a warp drive. Sigh

Crisp
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EmDrive is an impossible idea?

Why not build one of the damn things, stick a couple of solar panels on it, launch it into space, and point it at Tau Ceti.

If it stays put. It doesn't work. If it whizzes off into the cosmos slowly accelerating then we had better hope that whatever it hits isn't inhabited.

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'I'm sorry, your lift has had a problem and had to shut down'

Crisp
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Re: Thanks for the migraine

It could be worse.

Remember those seizure inducing gifs from a few years back?

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We want GCHQ-style spy powers to hack cybercrims, say police

Crisp
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Re: Next, traffic wardens...

What do you think RIPA is for?

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Watch SpaceX's rocket dramatically detonate, destroying a $200m Facebook satellite

Crisp
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Re: Turn retrograde, burn all remaining fuel. The ground will meet you shortly.

I think he wants to land on Kerbin safely, not fall out of the sky until he impacts terrain.

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Crisp
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Re: Kerbal

Elon Musk obviously needs more struts...

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How much does your kid hate exams? This lad hacked his government to skip them

Crisp
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This is how it starts...

Next thing you know he's hacking a government supercomputer and starting world war 3.

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Blackhat wannabes proffer probably bogus Linux scamsomware

Crisp
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It is unknown if the attacker actually retains the victim's files

Has the Bleeping Computer researcher tried monitoring the bleeping traffic from the bleeping ethernet interface?

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Replacing humans with robots in your factories? Hold on just a sec

Crisp
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Terminator

Replace human workers with robots?

There's every danger that this has already happened. Phone any major company and who picks up the phone first? A human or a robot?

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UK watchdog: You. Facebook. Get over here now. This WhatsApp privacy update. Explain

Crisp
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Now that the authorities are involved maybe something will get done.

Mind you, these are the same authorities that watched V-Tech give away the names and locations of kids and did pretty much bugger all. If I was Zuckerberg I wouldn't be worried.

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BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Crisp
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Pint

Really, I just want a Friday pint.

Isn't that really all that any of us really want?

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I fart in your general direction! Comet 67P lets rip on Europe's Rosetta probe

Crisp
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"Some of the dust was moving so fast it registered as trails..."

What the hell has Comet 67P been eating?

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NIST spins atomic gyroscope to allow navigation without GPS

Crisp
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Coat

Re: That's a rather accurate scale to weigh out 8 million Rb atoms...

Obviously they don't weigh them out. They count them out by picking up each individual atom with a pair of very small tweezers.

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Beauty site lets anyone read customers' personal information

Crisp
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Why are we drawing up UML diagrams for malicious actors?

Nobody should be acting maliciously anyway!

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Password strength meters promote piss-poor paswords

Crisp
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Passwords need to be rethought

There are lots of sites out there that seem to be stuck in the 1980's when an 8 character password would have been enough. Times have changed. Storage space is now so cheap we can afford for our users to have passphrases hundreds of characters long.

(Obligatory XKCD link)

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Bees bring down US stealth fighter

Crisp
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Re: Brings a new meaning to

You two need to beehive yourselves! There's no need to keep droning on with puns...

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Don't want to vote for Clinton or Trump? How about this woman who says Wi-Fi melts kids' brains?

Crisp
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Re: Anti-vaxxers

Not just endangering.

Murdering.

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Samsung Note 7: Probably the best phone in the world. Yeah – you heard right

Crisp
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Nice to see that it's waterproof

I for one like taking notes in the bathtub.

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Web meltdown: BT feels heat from angry punters

Crisp
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Keep Calm

And

Play Solitaire

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Crisp
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Re: Hammerite paint

Have you tried eBay?

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PokeCops catch no crims

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: What kind of self-respecting hardened criminal plays with Pokemons?

Team Rocket.

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Dear Tesla, stop calling it autopilot – and drivers are not your guinea pigs

Crisp
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Re: "Tesla cars don't have an R2D2 in the trunk taking control."

How long until I can have an R2D2 in the trunk taking control? (because that would be so cool)

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Gaming apps, mugging and bad case of bruised Pokéballs

Crisp
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I've got a lot of fond memories of playing Pokemon Leafgreen with my son.

Where's the harm in a little playtime?

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

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UK gov says new Home Sec will have powers to ban end-to-end encryption

Crisp
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Re: ...you keep using that word

El reg would benefit greatly with reaction gifs

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Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies

Crisp
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How about we start with age appropriate adverts.

I don't actually think this would be a good thing. But if we can keep the government tied up with policing the least desirable part of the internet then the rest of us can actually get on with some real work.

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Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Crisp
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I googled "beer pong"

Who the hell would play a game that gets in the way of your drinking?

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FTC wants a date with Ashley Madison's fembots

Crisp
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Every dating site is like that.

Dating sites don't make money matching people up. They make money by getting men to fork out for a membership and it's in their financial interest to keep that going as long as possible.

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

Crisp
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Re: That could be circumvented by simply lying.

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?

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Crisp
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Re: The Govt filter for stuff we shouldn't see.

Which site is this? A friend of mine wants to know for research purposes...

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Obi Worldphone MV1: It's striking, it's solid. Aaaand... we've run out of nice things to say

Crisp
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Mr Hoppy!

But where's Ivan?

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Israel's security minister suckers Zucker for Facebook'ed killings

Crisp
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If those are public posts...

Then surely Israel's Public Security Minister Gilad Erdan can check them themselves?

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Spam King sent down for 30 months

Crisp
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He is not going to be popular in prison

I wonder where spammers fall in the prisoner hierarchy?

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Russian government hackers spent a year in our servers, admits DNC

Crisp
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Why not just keep running the server and fill it with misinformation?

They could have had a lot of fun with that.

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Fresh hell for TalkTalk customers: TeamView trap unleashed

Crisp
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"TalkTalk’s board will discuss the matter at a meeting this week"

I'm sure their customers feel safer already.

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No 10's online EU vote signup crash 'inevitable' – GDS overseer

Crisp
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Boffin

“I am very surprised that it crashed” - Liam Fox MP

I'm not.

But then I would have hosted it in a proper cloud environment that would have brought more resources to bear as demand increased.

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Sophos U-turns on lack of .bat file blocking after El Reg intervenes

Crisp
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Re: ren virus.csv virus.exe

Real harcore hackers use a magnetised needle and a steady hand.

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