* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1064 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Nokia wrings Lumia bling fling, but feature-mobes ding stings

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

7.4 million phones = 5 days for Android

A quarters sales is being touted as a success when Android activates that number every 5 days?

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PEAK APPLE: 'iPhone sales STALL' at first sniff of fresh droid competition

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

iOS7

And all this is before the royalties to Google are due when they cough up to lifting wholesale Androids look and feel.

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Microsoft lathers up Windows 8.0 Surface RT for quick price shave

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Summertime 2013, and the weather is lovely

We're now halfway through Microsofts year of hell, and it's stories like this and the other one today about them throwing in the towel when it comes to competing with Google in the cloud, that makes me want to crack open a sixpack, pull up a deckchair in the garden, relax and enjoy the show.

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Poor iPhone sales mean Verizon could owe Apple $14bn

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Ahh the quaint old iPhone - that takes me back a few years

There was a time all phones had tiny screens, could only do one thing at once,were totally locked down by the nanny that made them and cost a fortune. You say they're still for sale? That's amazing, but then again I guess there's always some level of demand for a nostalgic trip down memory lane.

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Apple files patent for refrigerator-magnet iPads

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Think fucking different

Remember folks, the patent system Apple bought has the credibility of an MP's expense claim - it allowed the stick through, for Gods sake, so all those fridge magnets you thought you stuck up first are in fact your delusion caused by the famous Cupertino reality distortion field.

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Asperger's and IT

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Asperger's and IT

Seems to affect cops, too.

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Dead STEVE JOBS was a CROOK - Judge

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

"dig him up, burn him then pee on his ashes."

Is there an app for that?

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Sleek Nokia Lumia details EXPOSED ahead of Thursday's disrobing

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Several Questions:

Helpful Bob here to remind everyone of all the fun.

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Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Me got new one, me got bright yellow one

Me show new fone.

People run away. Come back I cry. Me show how brite yellow new fone is future.

People no understand. Brite yellow best fone ever.

Get a brite yellow fone. Show world you are special.

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Samsung asks for retrial on rubber-band

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Remember who started all this

Payback can be such a bitch. And when you're plumb out of innovation, you're merely a one trick pony reduced to bullying n bribing courts on your own doorstep to earn a crust. And that horse is about to leave town...

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Apple creeps up on Android in US smartphone sales

Bob Vistakin
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Paris Hilton

But ... iOS7 *is* Android

Ok, a cheap copy of the ICS Android of a couple years back but Android all the same.

Paris, for she knows all about fake imitation knock offs pretending to be the real deal.

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Apple files patent for 'Waze-plus'

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: Patent(ly absurd)

And to do if after everyone else has done it, but prettier and more expensively.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Apple - you're mapping it wrong

We've been here before, so why not just leave it to the experts?

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Apple back in court as Shanghai firm takes offence at Siri

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

"Siri - define hypocrisy"

"Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie."

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HP confirms it's back in the smartphone business

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Tee hee, snigger snigger, chortle chortle

"Windows Phone 8 might offer some tie-ins with HP's desktop portfolio, but if you're looking to make a splash in the smartphone arena it's better to use an OS people actually want to buy."

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Firefox OS starts third-place race against Windows Phone

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: But... but...

Microsoft are in the mobile space?

Why hasn't anyone heard of this - you 'd have thought with all the windows users out there there would be some level of interest.

Oh, wait...

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Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

Bob Vistakin
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IWatched Sony, Pebble I'm watch etc

Then as usual decided it's about time to catch up, err innovate one so I can get on with my real business of filing lawsuits against those who dared innovate them before me.

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Sony unveils latest attempt at an Android SmartWatch

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Aren't Apple about to innovate one of these any year now?

We'll see one as soon as the photocopiers in Cupertino have been replaced - they were worn out after the hammering they got making iOS7. Well, Android ICS has been out for two years now, so that's a hell of a lot of innovatin' to catch up on.

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Apple said to dump Samsung as chip-baking partner – again

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Apple said to dump Google Maps for its own internally developed solution"

Hmm, how'd that work out for you then?

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Tokyo beak rules against Samsung in Apple 'bounce back' case

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Score?

Is this like some wierd countries drug/porn/weapons laws where it's legal to own or sell them but illegal to use them? This has been in Android since Gingerbread (2.3) yet Apple dare not, for some inexplicable reason, try their asshat rounded corner bullying shit with Google.

Let's lighten the mood a little by remembering the hilarious embarrassment we all enjoyed when Apple had to apologize in the British Press for pulling exactly this kind of stunt there. Oh but wait... then there was one more thing. They had to think different and apologize again when they were told they were apologizing wrong. Now *that's* genius.

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Google erases G8 venue from Earth: Microsoft doesn't

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Whereas Apple maps has it in a car park in Grimsby?

"Siri, Apple Maps are clearly a vastly inferior attempt to copy what Google does best. Have you any suggestions regarding what we could do for IOS7 in a similar vein?"

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SCO vs. IBM battle resumes over ownership of Unix

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Oh you gotta be kidding....

How Can Any Company Ever Trust Microsoft Again?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Oh you gotta be kidding....

Once again, the most important feature in all this - who is *really* behind SCO - is totally left out. There's so much FUD involved it's enough to make you want to throw your chair across the room and bury someone.

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Microsoft to open Windows Stores inside 600 Best Buy locations

Bob Vistakin
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Microsoft botnet smackdown 'caused collateral damage, failed to kill target'

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

There's only one thing to do...

FTFY

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Nokia, Microsoft put on brave face as Lumia 925s parachute into Blighty

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Are Windows phones still being outsold by Symbian?

No wonder the burning platform asshole wants to kill it off completely.

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Magpie Apple plunders the competition for cosmetics, as egos run wild

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

And iOS9, due in 2 years, will have the features of Android 4.2, out last year

It's all so tediously predictable.

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Apple unveils hints of Monday's new-product announcements

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

It'll just be the usual Apple catchup fest we've seen in their last few handsets

Now they've had time to photocopy the flat icons from Androids ICS of 2 years ago, its suddenly their newest, greatest innovation.

As will be NFC, which miraculously transformed itself from being something their users "don't need" when only the competition had it, to another of their stunning breakthroughs essential to every smartphone from now on.

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Exclusive Halo game coming to Windows 8 and WinPhone 8

Bob Vistakin
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Windows - now that *is* a name from the past...

Thanks for the reminder - it's always fascinating taking a trip down memory lane. Also, few people outside Redmond are aware Microsoft once attempted to break into the mobile market, but unfortunately failed miserably, so this historical footnote is also of minor interest too.

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Sacked Zynga bods learn their jobs are gone via Facebook

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"The company’s reliance on Facebook for revenue"

Spock: "Fascinating".

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Former Microsoft Windows chief: I was right to kill the Start button

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

So, on a brighter note...

Let's see how the new, shiny, improved Windows 8 is doing when compared to that evil crappy old nasty who's name no Microsoft exec is even allowed to utter: Vista. Oh dear...

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Microsoft offers free keyboard covers for Surface RT

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: More lipstick...

"Have you loaded Linux onto your iPad?"

Genuine question - since that device is only designed for the primitive one-thing-at-a-time kind of operation seen in legacy systems from years ago, is its hardware even capable of the kind of multitasking a modern OS like Linux offers?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: No chrome

HTC will be pleased then.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft's Windows 8.1 secrets REVEALED ... sort of

Bob Vistakin
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Redmond orders turd polish by the tankerful

But it's still not enough.

It's nice to see their new official Windows 8.1 line though - "It's like having a ping pong bat shoved up your ass while you try to get on with your work.".

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Microsoft caves to Google, pulls YouTube app from WinPhone Store

Bob Vistakin
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Re: I can hardly believe

@TheVogon "The install base is in the millions."

As is Androids. Every day in fact.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: I can hardly believe

"Haha don't make me laugh."

Well, I'm reminded of the reply Russell Brand got after him and Woss made their obscene phone call prank and he said "All I ever wanted to do was make people laugh".

Reply: "Well Russell, any time you're ready to start".

Same with Microsoft. When they do get round to launching something other than a comedy burning platform, we'll see if its any use.

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: I can hardly believe

That's shocking.

Microsoft have some kind of mobile phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?

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Euro PC shipments plummet into bottomless pit of DOOOOM

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Amen to that

@Corborg

Microsoft sends its sincere thanks to you and all their other beta testers for helping them fleece you each time you thought you were being such a heroic trailblazer.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

2013: Microsoft's year of hell rolling along nicely I see

I'm quite enjoying watching this slow car crash in a schadenfreude kind of way.

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Apple adds Galaxy S 4 to Samsung patent suit

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: When did Apple patent "being better than Apple"?

The S3 is a generation ahead of the iPhone5. The S4 is two.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Lets see if they get their newspaper apology right this time

It would be so embarrassing if they were told they apologised wrong and had to do it again. And again.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft splashes big bucks to blast Google Apps

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2 words regarding this famous Microsoft compatibility:

Quirks mode

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Microsoft honcho pleads with media: 'Stop picking on us!'

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: What? I only heard Neil.

That read to me the way a man who has been forced by some Blamer to go out to the press and polish a turd, even though the very thought disgusts him and he knows instinctively he's onto a loser.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Rest of Android using manufacturers plead with Microsoft "Stop extorting us!"

Ahh, cuddly cute Microsoft feel all picked on and want you to feel sorry for them.

Don't. Not for an instant. "Cruel to be kind" is the only way with this hypocritical cancer.

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It's official: Nokia's Verizon Lumia 928 is here

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It wouldn't surprise me to find out there actually was a totally compatible Android hardware layer underneath all this. Once the shareholders see sense, as they appear to be doing recently, Android handsets will then just be a case of applying decent software to the great hardware Nokia is known for plus some case retooling.

Clearly, Elop is standing on a burning platform now so hasn't that long to go.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: So Fugly it's mother would feed it with a catapult

Can it be flashed with Android? But then you'd have to scrape off the mark-of-the-retard Windows logo.

Anyway, at this rate it's not just that which foghorns its owner as an embarrassing loser - unless they act fast, the very word Nokia alone will, too.

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Yes! It's the NFC phone-bonk doorbell app AT LAST

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: But for modern smartphones only, natch.

* WHOSE

Cheers. These small details may appear unimportant, but nanny must constantly point them out lest the reader not understand the full meaning of the sentence. And we all know how much happier some smartphone users are when being nannied.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

But for modern smartphones only, natch.

Nothing NFC is applicable to quaint tiny-screened models whos design has hardly changed for 5 years, no matter how round their corners, since "they don't need that".

Until it's added that is, then its "their innovation" and they'll see you in a court they bought.

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Microsoft: All RIGHT, you can have your Start button back

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: We told you it was shit

And Blamer *still* has his job? Are the shareholders all retards?

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Redmond probes new IE 8 vulnerability

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Why don't they just throw in the towel?

Oh look, an Anonymous Coward seems to be ignoring the fact the largest, most successful Patent Troll in the world is once again doing what they are best at and ignored the elephant in the room.

Once again.

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