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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

892 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

3 Brits banged up for £300k VAT scam

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Two years ago the British Government gave Ireland $8bn, and I mean gave - there's now no requirement for it to be paid back.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: 3 out of 1000's

The Right Honorable Jacqui Smith - Britains first female Home Secretary - fiddled £100k and merely had to issue a pretend apology to her fellow MP's during the great corruption exposure a couple of years back. After agreeing to such a demanding act of contrition, they allowed her to keep the loot. She did lose her job though, more likely because of the embarrassment the porn she charged to the taxpayer caused than the real crime. Anyway, just shows the British justice system for what it is when you hear of others caught doing the same thing (3 people, £300k) - porridge for you lads, with no early kid gloves release of the kind Chris Huhne is about to get.

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Microsoft 'touches 16k shop workers' to flog Windows 8 hard

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Microsoft 'touches 16k shop workers' to polish their turd hard

Mythbusters show the way.

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Apple loses bid to 'cut in line' in Samsung patent dust-up

Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

You're barging in wrong

For Christs sake Apple get with the plot - you're not top dog anymore and it really is time to Think Different, if you can. That means your pathetic lawsuit days are over - including trying to trademark how ever the fuck you lay out your stores.

By the way, hows that thermonuclear thing working out for you?

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We're not making this up: Apple trademarks the SHOP

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

"Thinking different" at its finest

Android demolished Apple in smartphone sales for 2012, and this is their response.

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RIM ends Reg headline pun filth (and launches two new phones)

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: I hope they make it

It won't affect Androids' market share a jot, but I think it'll take a hearty helping of Apples lunch and certainly keep Win8's anonymous entry in the "1% others" section of all the market share charts for the coming year.

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Apple loses 'Most Valuable Company' honor to ExxonMobil

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're polishing the turd wrong

The iSheep are starting to see what you've been doing to them all these years.

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Google pulls 'racist' Make Me Asian app

Bob Vistakin
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Joke

I take offense

At the one which shows you with your tongue lolling out the side of your mouth, your eyes spinning in different direction and dribble seeping down your chin, but fortunately there's not much call for the "make me a WP8 user" app - or is there?

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Microsoft to end Windows 8 discounts on January 31

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Drat

Just as I was about to convert too, having been persuaded by all that marketing spend.

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Nokia axes 300 IT bods, outsources 820 to Tata, HCL

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Nokia to align IT function with its business focus

For those living under a rock for the last 30 years, this is known as "The Microsoft Effect".

What follows is job losses, shit products, loss of market share and previously loyal customers suddenly hating you before inevitably you go bust and history records you forever as just another of Microsofts bitches. Mysteriously, however, the top brass who's palm was greased with silver over the original deal always seem to do very well out of it..

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Former CEO John Sculley: Apple must adapt or die

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

"Your ruining it wrong"

FTFY

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Another Apple retail chief crashes out the door

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

True, Apple has wobbled recently

But now Mr Bean is in charge all will be well again.

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Microsoft to give free TV ad to top-voted Windows Phone 8 app

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You can smell the desperation

Please, someone, anyone - write something for this turkey ... anything, even fart apps will do.

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Live blog: Facebook's 'screw you' to Google revealed at last

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

Yawn

Come to think of it, why is there no "yawn" icon?

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Titsup Windows Phone 8 orders user to cram 'boot disc' in mobe

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

True innovation

Right there in the palm of your hand.

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Review: Google Nexus 4

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Twas the bettery life, or lack of.

One could always compare it with the Windows Phone 8 User Experience.

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Bad news: PC slump worse than feared. Good news: It's Friday

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Almost forgot - well, as did everyone else to be honest, Windows RT - that was quick, nice knowing you :-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Poor old Microsoft.

No one wants their phones.

No one wants their tablets.

No one wants their new OS.

Even burglars in their own HQ swerve their kit.

:-)

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'Not even Santa could save Microsoft's Windows 8'

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Cant stand microsoft, because...

WP8 has shockingly tiny sales figures - it's entirely possible a Ubuntu handset would outsell it. And wouldn't that be lovely - it might even get Nokias attention, since as soon as that looked remotely possible Blamer and his trojan Flop would have both been given the boot by then, and an alternative would be needed.

Actually ... hey now there's a funny thing ... why suddenly the announcement of all these alternative mobile OS's - Tizen/Ubuntu/FirefoxOS etc? It's almost as if these are waiting for someone big to announce a major change in direction...

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

2013: Microsofts' year of hell

And so it begins.

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Microsoft burgled, only the APPLE iPADS stolen - cops confirm

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: "Microsoft did not respond to a request for comment".

Look at these two ugly bastards:

http://bgr.com/2013/01/07/nokia-ceo-elop-interview-android-284778/

Between them is a pair of loser CEOs.

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Sky watchers prep for early 2013 asteroid fly-bys

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Sinofsky's new blogski: Windows 8 king reborn as management guru

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: "without adequate explanation"

I wonder if he was behind this:

Microsoft says somebody stole its Apple iPads

"Microsoft's campus in Mountain View is presumably loaded with Microsoft's latest and greatest products, but a thief decided to steal five Apple iPads from the company's offices instead"

One can imagine the burglar skillfully swerving the mountains of unsold surface tablets, WP8 handsets and heaps of returned Windows 8 DVD's looking for decent kit, and finding all the Android gear was at home, since that's what the staff use personally, was then forced to take just what they could resell.

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US military nails 'best ever' Microsoft deal, brags size does matter

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Business Insider: Another Bad Windows 8 Report

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

"Hi! I'm Clippy! It looks like you want to launch some nukes".

"I noticed you pushed the big red button. Your system now needs rebooting, so these changes can come into effect."

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Samsung confirms Tizen-based mobes to debut this year

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

s/Bada/Tizen

And in 2014 s/Tizen/Ubuntu etc, not bothering the serious mobile players a jot. It will, however. cause all these novelties to be lumped along with microsoft in the "others" section of every market share report for the next few years - the sub 5% aggregate generally considered floor noise.

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Brit boffins build projectile-vomiting robot to kill norovirus

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Vomiting Larry" huh? Just as Google gets off another monopolies rap

Someone has a twisted sense of humour.

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Apple loses round to Amazon in 'App Store' name dispute

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Drip drip drip till the dam bursts

Apple peaked in the middle of last year. We're now in a free-for-all as everyone at last sees the emperor has no clothes, and are beginning to stick it to them for realizing how they've actually been cheated all these years.

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Open-source attack dog enters Ballmer's inner ring

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Ballmer called Linux a “cancer”

This need repeating.

Ballmer called Linux a “cancer”

Microsoft apologists really, really want that to be somehow erased from everyone's memory, and never appear in the same sentence as Windows 8 whilst they are running a multi million pound advertising campaign for it.

Ooops.

See what I did there ?

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Hey, Apple and Google: Stop trying to wolf the whole mobile pie

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

And in a year or two, you'll be seeing iOS supporting multiple users, NFC, wireless charging etc the way Android does today.

We'll also witness the familiar drama of these features going from "not being needed by anyone" whilst not present on the iSheeps favorite toy, to "fantastic innovations" when they do finally appear right up to "Exhibit A, m'lud" as Apple starts trying to wipe out those it copied from, err whoops that should be "takes legal action to protect its innovations".

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Tripe...

The markets think so to:

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/official-apple-just-niche-player-155409478.html

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iPhone 'Do Not Disturb' bug to self-destruct on Monday

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

So who resigned this time?

Is there some "head of scheduling management" top boss who refused to sign a letter of apology?

Will there be a 1 line "sorry" sentence in the British newspapers in 1pt scribble, surrounded by 96pt "Apple are great and can take this piss out of the British legal system all they want ner ner-ne-ner ner" text?

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It's JUST possible, but Apple MIGHT not make an iWatch in 2013

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Maybe

"They should concentrate on putting a retina screen in the mini ipad"

I dunno, watching your movies the minecraft way has a certain kind of retro appeal - all those mario style blocky pixels and gaudy colors certainly do it for the die hard fanbois. Perfection is, after all, anything with an apple logo on it.

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Feeling poor? WHO took all your money? NOT capitalist bastards?

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: This is news?????

There's one for certain claiming that last one was just another a Balls up, but have no fear - we will remember. Could it be the same person admiring another mans fake buttocks whilst wearing a Nazi outfit in this photo? I think there is a worrying pattern here regarding this loathsome individual and his attitude to our fallen. Still, at least he knew how to spend our money when he had the one and only chance he'll ever get.

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Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: This is news?????

This is all bollocks - it's obvious where the gullible publics money has gone. Moats don't clean themselves, you know, and the last time I checked there was no such thing as a free duck houses, cable tv porn or poppies to lay at the remembrance services of those who gave their lives fighting to give our noble, honest and trustworthy MP's the freedoms they now enjoy.

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2012 in tech: Apple up the Cook without a paddle, ARM, slab wars... and MORE

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Microsoft Win 8 - Failware

Here's a helpful Windows surface video for anyone unaware of what all the fuss is about, and the perils that befall those who cross Blamer: Surface presentation epic fail

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Microsoft Win 8 - Failware

Here's a helpful Win 8 video for anyone unaware of what all the fuss is about: Windows 8: The Animated Evaluation

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Chinese court orders Apple to cough £100k to writers for violating copyright

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Peanuts

It is financially, but there are many like me who would just like to add their voice to the good chuckle everyone is having at the fanbois embarrassment - yet another in the avalanche set to grow throughout 2013 as more and more of their desperate patents get overturned.

Chip chip chip till the damn bursts, I reckon. It's a smart move - go back to the original patents one by one to get them struck off, then the subsequent court cases are a no brainer to overturn: Apples worst nightmare, in effect, just at the time it's plumb out of innovation and the courts take a dump on any of their future trivial round corner jokes.

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Ten… top tech cock-ups of 2012

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

@AC 8:56

7. Innocent members of the public who felt like a Chinese take away and ended up nearly drowning: http://goo.gl/8gMYw

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Meh.

@GitMeMyShootinIrons

Apple's very first act - before it had any products - was to copy. It took its name from the Beatles record label, then spent the rest of its existence basically polishing existing tech into a form just enough to fool those who prefer style over substance. This thou-shalt-not-copy hypocrisy was baked into its DNA from the start, and its legal antics are just the obvious extension of this - a smokescreen thrown up to try to disguise this fact. Now they are rumbled, and there is literally NOTHING they can put in any future products that a competitor hasn't done already, that little boy's voice is becoming the roar of the crowd.

Apples' peak coincided with Steve jobs death, but were he around today he'd not have been able to stop the rot.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: bailed

"microsoft should have never bailed them out"

Samsung don't think so - it's the best thing that could have happened to them. Look at their runaway Android market share, and consider what it would have been had Nokia done the smart thing and gone with Android. Now, it would have been almost certainly a 50/50 split between the two. The official reason they didn't? There was "no way" to differentiate handset models if you run with Android, unlike the infinitely customisable WP8, which looks so different across all its various handset models, why, you can hardly tell its WP8 at all.

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Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

And then, just as the great man had proudly walked by to the fawning cries of "ooh' and "aah" from the sycophantic crowd, a small boys' voice was heard by everyone: "but the emperor has no clothes on!"

Read this and think how much iPads ect really fleece the iSheep: Are display devices becoming like light bulbs?

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A year on the run: El Reg tracks 2012’s techno-fugitives

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Competition

Stephen Elop surely? He was Microsofts 8th largest shareholder when Blamer concocted his last-gasp desperate attempt for some kind of relevance in mobile, and set him on his mission to infiltrate Nokia. Clearly doomed to failure from the start, his only success is in dragging Nokia down with them, but he'll naturally be very well compensated when he gets the boot.

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Brazilian-made 'iphone' runs Android 2.3 Gingerbread

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Nice one!

Is it just me, or does it really seem everywhere you look these days more and more people are taking the piss out of Apple?

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US patent office: Nice try Apple, but pinch-to-zoom is NOT a new invention

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Apple=Bastards

Time for Plan C.

Plan A - Copy, then rest on laurels having fleeced the lower IQ segment of the market

Plan B - Sue anyone who, err, you can pay American courts enough to run with your ludicruous "they copied us" claims (extending Plan A)

Plan C - Genuine innovation

In other words they are toast :-)

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Windows Vista woes killed MS Pinball

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Good job no-ones using Win 8 then!

Well done whoever noticed this - you just doubled the Win8 user base. For a while.

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Microsoft releases first Windows OS in an original American language

Bob Vistakin
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Still won't make METRO fly

Come 'ed, wack, why not go all the way and do a scouse one?

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Bob Vistakin
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Thumb Down

Consumer reports say you're best to swerve it, no matter what the language

Another of the imminent torrent of "Windows 8 is shite" reports:

http://www.tomshardware.com/news/Consumer-Reports-Windows-8-Upgrade-Donna-Tapellini-Modern-UI,19878.html

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Samsung grabs 'World's biggest handset-maker' title off Nokia

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The Microsoft effect

From a mere burning platform, easily fixable, to the fiery pits of hell familiar to all those who deal with them.

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Microsoft to Moto: We'll give you $1m a year for your patents

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Sure, just like these parasites extort $5 per handset from the Android manufacturers.

Well, their balance sheet for 2012 has to show *some* revenue from mobile, after all.

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