* Posts by Bob Vistakin

948 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

Bob Vistakin
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IWatched Sony, Pebble I'm watch etc

Then as usual decided it's about time to catch up, err innovate one so I can get on with my real business of filing lawsuits against those who dared innovate them before me.

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Sony unveils latest attempt at an Android SmartWatch

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Aren't Apple about to innovate one of these any year now?

We'll see one as soon as the photocopiers in Cupertino have been replaced - they were worn out after the hammering they got making iOS7. Well, Android ICS has been out for two years now, so that's a hell of a lot of innovatin' to catch up on.

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Apple said to dump Samsung as chip-baking partner – again

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Apple said to dump Google Maps for its own internally developed solution"

Hmm, how'd that work out for you then?

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Tokyo beak rules against Samsung in Apple 'bounce back' case

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Score?

Is this like some wierd countries drug/porn/weapons laws where it's legal to own or sell them but illegal to use them? This has been in Android since Gingerbread (2.3) yet Apple dare not, for some inexplicable reason, try their asshat rounded corner bullying shit with Google.

Let's lighten the mood a little by remembering the hilarious embarrassment we all enjoyed when Apple had to apologize in the British Press for pulling exactly this kind of stunt there. Oh but wait... then there was one more thing. They had to think different and apologize again when they were told they were apologizing wrong. Now *that's* genius.

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Google erases G8 venue from Earth: Microsoft doesn't

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Whereas Apple maps has it in a car park in Grimsby?

"Siri, Apple Maps are clearly a vastly inferior attempt to copy what Google does best. Have you any suggestions regarding what we could do for IOS7 in a similar vein?"

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SCO vs. IBM battle resumes over ownership of Unix

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Oh you gotta be kidding....

How Can Any Company Ever Trust Microsoft Again?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Oh you gotta be kidding....

Once again, the most important feature in all this - who is *really* behind SCO - is totally left out. There's so much FUD involved it's enough to make you want to throw your chair across the room and bury someone.

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Microsoft to open Windows Stores inside 600 Best Buy locations

Bob Vistakin
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Microsoft botnet smackdown 'caused collateral damage, failed to kill target'

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

There's only one thing to do...

FTFY

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Nokia, Microsoft put on brave face as Lumia 925s parachute into Blighty

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Are Windows phones still being outsold by Symbian?

No wonder the burning platform asshole wants to kill it off completely.

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Magpie Apple plunders the competition for cosmetics, as egos run wild

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

And iOS9, due in 2 years, will have the features of Android 4.2, out last year

It's all so tediously predictable.

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Apple unveils hints of Monday's new-product announcements

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

It'll just be the usual Apple catchup fest we've seen in their last few handsets

Now they've had time to photocopy the flat icons from Androids ICS of 2 years ago, its suddenly their newest, greatest innovation.

As will be NFC, which miraculously transformed itself from being something their users "don't need" when only the competition had it, to another of their stunning breakthroughs essential to every smartphone from now on.

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Exclusive Halo game coming to Windows 8 and WinPhone 8

Bob Vistakin
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Windows - now that *is* a name from the past...

Thanks for the reminder - it's always fascinating taking a trip down memory lane. Also, few people outside Redmond are aware Microsoft once attempted to break into the mobile market, but unfortunately failed miserably, so this historical footnote is also of minor interest too.

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Sacked Zynga bods learn their jobs are gone via Facebook

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"The company’s reliance on Facebook for revenue"

Spock: "Fascinating".

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Former Microsoft Windows chief: I was right to kill the Start button

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

So, on a brighter note...

Let's see how the new, shiny, improved Windows 8 is doing when compared to that evil crappy old nasty who's name no Microsoft exec is even allowed to utter: Vista. Oh dear...

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Microsoft offers free keyboard covers for Surface RT

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: More lipstick...

"Have you loaded Linux onto your iPad?"

Genuine question - since that device is only designed for the primitive one-thing-at-a-time kind of operation seen in legacy systems from years ago, is its hardware even capable of the kind of multitasking a modern OS like Linux offers?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: No chrome

HTC will be pleased then.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft's Windows 8.1 secrets REVEALED ... sort of

Bob Vistakin
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Redmond orders turd polish by the tankerful

But it's still not enough.

It's nice to see their new official Windows 8.1 line though - "It's like having a ping pong bat shoved up your ass while you try to get on with your work.".

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Microsoft caves to Google, pulls YouTube app from WinPhone Store

Bob Vistakin
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Re: I can hardly believe

@TheVogon "The install base is in the millions."

As is Androids. Every day in fact.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: I can hardly believe

"Haha don't make me laugh."

Well, I'm reminded of the reply Russell Brand got after him and Woss made their obscene phone call prank and he said "All I ever wanted to do was make people laugh".

Reply: "Well Russell, any time you're ready to start".

Same with Microsoft. When they do get round to launching something other than a comedy burning platform, we'll see if its any use.

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: I can hardly believe

That's shocking.

Microsoft have some kind of mobile phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?

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Euro PC shipments plummet into bottomless pit of DOOOOM

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Amen to that

@Corborg

Microsoft sends its sincere thanks to you and all their other beta testers for helping them fleece you each time you thought you were being such a heroic trailblazer.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

2013: Microsoft's year of hell rolling along nicely I see

I'm quite enjoying watching this slow car crash in a schadenfreude kind of way.

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Apple adds Galaxy S 4 to Samsung patent suit

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: When did Apple patent "being better than Apple"?

The S3 is a generation ahead of the iPhone5. The S4 is two.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Lets see if they get their newspaper apology right this time

It would be so embarrassing if they were told they apologised wrong and had to do it again. And again.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft splashes big bucks to blast Google Apps

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2 words regarding this famous Microsoft compatibility:

Quirks mode

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Microsoft honcho pleads with media: 'Stop picking on us!'

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: What? I only heard Neil.

That read to me the way a man who has been forced by some Blamer to go out to the press and polish a turd, even though the very thought disgusts him and he knows instinctively he's onto a loser.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Rest of Android using manufacturers plead with Microsoft "Stop extorting us!"

Ahh, cuddly cute Microsoft feel all picked on and want you to feel sorry for them.

Don't. Not for an instant. "Cruel to be kind" is the only way with this hypocritical cancer.

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It's official: Nokia's Verizon Lumia 928 is here

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It wouldn't surprise me to find out there actually was a totally compatible Android hardware layer underneath all this. Once the shareholders see sense, as they appear to be doing recently, Android handsets will then just be a case of applying decent software to the great hardware Nokia is known for plus some case retooling.

Clearly, Elop is standing on a burning platform now so hasn't that long to go.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: So Fugly it's mother would feed it with a catapult

Can it be flashed with Android? But then you'd have to scrape off the mark-of-the-retard Windows logo.

Anyway, at this rate it's not just that which foghorns its owner as an embarrassing loser - unless they act fast, the very word Nokia alone will, too.

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Yes! It's the NFC phone-bonk doorbell app AT LAST

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: But for modern smartphones only, natch.

* WHOSE

Cheers. These small details may appear unimportant, but nanny must constantly point them out lest the reader not understand the full meaning of the sentence. And we all know how much happier some smartphone users are when being nannied.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

But for modern smartphones only, natch.

Nothing NFC is applicable to quaint tiny-screened models whos design has hardly changed for 5 years, no matter how round their corners, since "they don't need that".

Until it's added that is, then its "their innovation" and they'll see you in a court they bought.

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Microsoft: All RIGHT, you can have your Start button back

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: We told you it was shit

And Blamer *still* has his job? Are the shareholders all retards?

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Redmond probes new IE 8 vulnerability

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Why don't they just throw in the towel?

Oh look, an Anonymous Coward seems to be ignoring the fact the largest, most successful Patent Troll in the world is once again doing what they are best at and ignored the elephant in the room.

Once again.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Why don't they just throw in the towel?

Give up software microsoft - you're shit at it. Stick to extorting $5-$15 per device from those who get it right.

Whilst you can.

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Monitor-makers ponder Android-powered touch screens

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

"YeddanotherMicrosoftRevenueStream"

Quite catchy, accurate and goes down really well in Redmond.

And quickly.

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BT and O2 ink deal to build mega 4G network

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

BT knows best

Hmmmm, O2 eh? A partnership, Hmmm. What could they call it? Mmm, O2 ... lets see, oh I can't be bothered, lets just go with that then shall we MMO2. Yes, great name that - a real first in technical excellence, and a great testament to BT's vision for the future.

MMO2. Oh, wait ...

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Apple's next OS X said to be targeted at 'power users'

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Ahh tabs - Didn't think it would take long before they "invented" them

Round corners, slide to unlock, pages which (gasp!) turn. Add tabs to that list of marvelous innovations the human race was lost in the wilderness before the genuises at Apple concocted in their labs.

And courthouses.

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Microsoft off the hook for billions in Motorola Mobility payout

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Can someone grow a pair

I feel it won't be long now.

B&N came close by disclosing what microsoft tried so hard to keep quiet about. When all this does get to court, the real fun begins when ms lose - will they have to repay all they extorted?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The sickening stench of The Beast is everywhere

Compare and contrast.

This case, where microsoft use Motorola tech:

Judge: "Yup, you're guilty of infringement. Hold out your wrist whilst we lightly brush it with a feather as punishment."

Android, where no one knows what tech alleged infringers use because microsofts bully boys threaten all kinds of pain if they even hint at going to court: "That's $5-$15 per device then, please".

The only hope is when it does finally get to court, the extortionists lose and have to repay every penny they fleeced from their victims over the years, and then some. Hell, yeah! All they'll have left in mobile is their hated bright yellow comedy phone, the shareholders will have long given Elop the boot and the hints at Android kit we're seeing now will be in full swing. Minus any royalties to the bastards, natch.

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Review: Nokia Lumia 520

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Landfill Android?

Android is microsofts largest mobile revenue stream by miles so they don't give a fuck what users do with them.

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Apple loses again in Chinese App Store copyright case

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're copying it wrong

Think different.

Again.

Will they have to issue an apology in the press, then hilariously issue another for apologising wrong the first time? Hey, haven't we been here before?

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Bill Gates offends Koreans after sticking hand down trousers

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: could have been worse

Ahem - you mean pulled down his trousers and excreted a Windows 8 handset on the floor. But then again, how would anyone tell the difference?

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users

Nah, Eadon would have said welcome to Microsofts new R&D dept, where Blamer shoved his hand down the back of his trousers, rummaged, squeezed and grunted for a while before popping out a Windows 8 handset and a puppet, both of which he then sent over to Nokia telling them to get on with it.

:-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users

By sticking unusable new Windows "upgrade" down their throats, too.

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Report: Apple returned 8M shoddy iPhones to Foxconn

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Someone noticed it was a batch that had not really changed much in 5 years?

Oh, wait...

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Google's Page drops the A-bomb: Google Glass runs Android

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: News?

I was expecting Windows for Spectacles Consumer Edition 1.0 (tm)

"Hi! I'm Clippy. It looks like you're trying to use IE for Spectacles. Oh - I see this is standard CSS from 1998 - I'm sorry, I'm not able to render that without a dozen extra ActiveX controls, a reboot and compatibility mode being enabled. Would you like me to get on with that whilst you perform your operation, Dr. Chamberlain?"

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Nokia: OK, Q1 has been weak, but there's 'underlying' profit

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And here's the statement had Nokia done the right thing

Record Android sales rocketed Nokias profits to their highest ever this year as they matched Samsung neck and neck for market share. CEO Andy Rubin commented "Our hardware excellence rewarded our loyal customers once again by allowing us to offer exactly what they wanted, with a wide range of Android handsets from the budget models aimed at emerging economies right up to our latest 6.5' MegaPhone range. Sales of our Android tablets are performing extremely well too, with their overall share set to overtake the iPad this year as happened with Android handsets a few years ago. Our extension into Smart Eyewear is also creating a huge buzz , but that's what you'd expect from the best R&D facility in the business, which has been taking on staff year-on year since the Android decision at a rate of 15% pa, as well as building more factories. I shudder to think what state Nokia would be in today had we not given our customers what they wanted, and gone with Android".

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Foxconn must pay Microsoft for EVERY Android thing it makes

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Mmmmmm...

This is exactly why it's just not possible to kick microsoft enough.

Its not enough that no-one wants their comedy new desktop OS - kick em now whilst they are down.

Its not enough that they can't shift as many of their pathetic phones in a quarter as Android activates in a day - kick em again even when they stop moving.

And its certainly not enough no-one even realises they have a tablet out - it's impact has been that minimal the needle didn't budge. Just read this story, and kick 'em again. And again.

And again - we don't want any chance of them coming back.

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Microsoft: FINE! We'll match Amazon - by HIKING cloud prices

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: New ad

Exclusive! The new microsoft Smartwatch For those all-important times when Azure doesn't even know what fucking day it is.

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