* Posts by Bob Vistakin

948 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

BILLION DOLLAR BALLMER: Microsoft chief makes $1bn simply by quitting

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2013: Microsofts year of hell

But only for its users and shareholders.

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Bradley Manning sentenced to 35 years in prison

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: Poor guy

This is too near the knuckle for words.

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Apple sucking triple the phone switchers as Samsung – report

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

MacRumours: Android grows to 80% of market, iOS drops to 13%

That's what it says here.

Is this "report" just a very clever but desperate attempt to disguise this fact?

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Microsoft warns of post-April zero day hack bonanza on Windows XP

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

So it's blackmail with Windows and extortion with Android...

Can anyone guess who Google had in mind when they coined the "do no evil" tag?

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Apple big-screen TV rumor zombie RISES FROM THE DEAD

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

This time they really have to Think Different

Let's hope it's something other than a large, flat, black rectangular panel controlled with a remote device which shows moving sound and pictures. If it was, let's hope they haven't pissed off the biggest player in this field with exactly that product out for the last 20 years, otherwise they'd just be copying them wouldn't they, and it'd all get very legal very quickly.

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Microsoft SkyDrive, Outlook stricken by cloud outage

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It could be because Microsoft still haven't figured out how a calendar works.

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Peak Apple: Samsung hits DOUBLE the market share of iPhones

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

This "Apple" company you speak of...

Could you clarify which one of these from history you mean from now on?

Its either the Beatles record label, or the one which shone briefly before fading back into nothingness, ending up as a pathetic patent troll claiming everyone copied their stuff. Oh, that's the one who copied the name of the first.

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Waiting for a Windows Phone update? Let's talk again next year

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Next year... if there's any developers left by then.

Developers deserted microsofts userless mobile platform years ago, and nothng of value was lost.

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Apple wins Samsung import ban, loses 'Battle of Rounded Corners II'

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

The UI hasn't changed since 2008

And as we all know, Apple are merely copying the market leader for iOS7

So it's really interesting to see what Apples designers come up with when for the first time they actually do Think Different and don't copy someone else.

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MS gets you hooked on Server 2012 Datacenter, jacks up the price for R2

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: MS has a big asshole

Called Blamer at the helm, and he's ruining it very nicely indeed

FTFYA

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Acer to downplay Windows in favor of Android, Chrome OS

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: wow, the biter bit

The bitten bit back - actually that's a bit more like the Regs usual headline for this kind of story.

In any case, it's great news as now the child has pointed out the quality of the emperors new clothes, the floodgates will open.

A great time to invest in the Redmond furniture repair industry.

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Android approaches 80% smartphone share as Apple's iPhone grows old

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: "As usual, Linux phones managed to scrape a percentage point of market share"

I like how "scraping a percentage point" at 1% shit but Windows is somehow doing amazingly well at 3.7%, whilst Android shifts in a couple of days what the pair of these do in a quarter.

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Apple patents laser, incandescent projector for laptops, smartphones

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The same noble patent system that gave us the stunning stick

Yup, as pointless as a lib dem manifesto, as sincere as a tory policy and as competent as a labour administration, the good old US patent system bends over and blows another one out Apples way which is just as credible as this breakthrough earlier excretion.

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IBM committed 'ethical transgressions' to win botched project

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Surely not?

Oh, wait...

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The hammer falls: Feds propose drastic controls on Apple's iTunes Store

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

You're milking it wrong

Think different.

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Apple files patent for iPhone enabled auto-adjustable auto interior

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: I know nothing much about patents, but...

"Can you really patent an idea before you've worked out how to actually implement that idea?"

Welcome to Microsofts only revenue stream from mobile.

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Zuck on this, Twitter! Now Facebook switches on embedded posts

Bob Vistakin
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Trollface

Gotta pick up on the snarky emphasis on how many ads FB runs

Has the Reg ever considered running any? I hear it's a useful revenue stream for internet businesses.

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Murdoch machinations mean Microsoft must rename SkyDrive

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: DoubleDisk

Droidenfreude

KarmaBitch

RupertSlap

ThinkAgain

PeguinsJoy

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Microsoft Surface sales numbers revealed as SHOCKINGLY HIDEOUS

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The turd that cannot be polished

"If you're thinking of buying the discounted kit be advised that Secure Boot means you can't change out the software."

This fiasco is amost an exact repeat of HP's comedy Touchpad routine but with the extra Microsoft spin of no possible redeeming features via reflashing.

It is quite literally useless. Some would say "told you so".

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PEAK APPLE: iPad market share hits the skids

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

iOS8 will fix all this

Screenshots already leaked.

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Lingering fingerprint fingering fingered in iOS 7 for NEW iPHONE

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Once again Apple tells its users what they want

No talk of NFC, large screens, widgets or proper multitasking. Nope, instead Apple has decided a fingerprint recognizer is what it needs to turn around its declining fortunes.

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Samsung overtakes Apple as most profitable global handset maker

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: margins

"Apple probably make more profit per handset"

Never forget the desperate, rapidly collapsing evil empire makes its only contribution to the mobile industry by extorting Android manufacturers. Without their wonderful assistance, who knows what the profit and loss sheet would look like?

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: I predict

13% of the market is still, err, respectable, if you don't mind thinking differently.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Google Chromecast: Here's why it's the most important smart TV tech ever

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: It's just a really bad equivalent of AirPlay / DLNA; what's the big deal?

"I still don't see why Google's half-baked implementation is interesting."

Ahh, that'll be because it's obvious this will demolish Apple in the TV space the same way Google did with smartphones and is clearly on the brink of doing with tablets.

Once again, time to think different.

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Work with Microsoft's stuff for a living? Its reorg will mean NOTHING to you

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: inertia

I wonder if the German government does that too?

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

I would do none of that

I would give Ballmer another 5 years - he's doing a fantastic job for the whole computing industry,

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Azure inhales open source Java implementation

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Sigh

One day you're using lots of big fancy words and diagrams trying to figure out how a calendar works, the next you're trumpeting the very thing you tried to destroy when it seemed such a threat.

What a topsy turvy world it must be in the Microsoft marketing department these days as they attempt to show a leopard can change its spots by somehow rewritiing history. Good job there's no one around to remind everyone of what's really going on.

Oh, wait...

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SAP CEOs are like Highlanders - there can be only one

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Only one?

That's 'cos its a kind of magic.

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Google who? Samsung announces its first developer conference

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

"leading windows tablets...even if Samsung execs have been less than pleased with sales"

You're having a laff!

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Surface RT: A plan worthy of the South Park Underpants Gnomes

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

They scoffed when Bob called 2013 Microsofts year of hell

No one wants their PC OS.

No one wants their phone OS.

No one wants their tablets.

But never mind it's not all bad news - at least soon Chrome OS users will be able to natively edit Word and Excel docs. Love to see the furniture repair bill in Seattle when that comes to the Chrome browser.

Extoring the Android manufacturers seemed such a great idea at the time. Arrogant Microsoft needs no friends, you see. They won't ever fall on hard times, and even if they did they can just bully their way back out. Can't they? Well, if not, here's some sound advice for them.

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UK parliament presses for pardon for Alan Turing

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Guy Fawkes too

He was right.

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Fever pitch as Dublin tar drop fall captured by webcam

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

As pointless as a lib dem manifesto

Whilst the same colour and shape as what the torys are full of.

Perhaps this should be televised instead of PMQ's?

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Nokia wrings Lumia bling fling, but feature-mobes ding stings

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Micosoft similarly bling, fling, ding, springs etc

Funny headline, but not as funny as this :-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

7.4 million phones = 5 days for Android

A quarters sales is being touted as a success when Android activates that number every 5 days?

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PEAK APPLE: 'iPhone sales STALL' at first sniff of fresh droid competition

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

iOS7

And all this is before the royalties to Google are due when they cough up to lifting wholesale Androids look and feel.

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Microsoft lathers up Windows 8.0 Surface RT for quick price shave

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Summertime 2013, and the weather is lovely

We're now halfway through Microsofts year of hell, and it's stories like this and the other one today about them throwing in the towel when it comes to competing with Google in the cloud, that makes me want to crack open a sixpack, pull up a deckchair in the garden, relax and enjoy the show.

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Poor iPhone sales mean Verizon could owe Apple $14bn

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Ahh the quaint old iPhone - that takes me back a few years

There was a time all phones had tiny screens, could only do one thing at once,were totally locked down by the nanny that made them and cost a fortune. You say they're still for sale? That's amazing, but then again I guess there's always some level of demand for a nostalgic trip down memory lane.

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Apple files patent for refrigerator-magnet iPads

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Think fucking different

Remember folks, the patent system Apple bought has the credibility of an MP's expense claim - it allowed the stick through, for Gods sake, so all those fridge magnets you thought you stuck up first are in fact your delusion caused by the famous Cupertino reality distortion field.

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Asperger's and IT

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Asperger's and IT

Seems to affect cops, too.

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Dead STEVE JOBS was a CROOK - Judge

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

"dig him up, burn him then pee on his ashes."

Is there an app for that?

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Sleek Nokia Lumia details EXPOSED ahead of Thursday's disrobing

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Several Questions:

Helpful Bob here to remind everyone of all the fun.

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Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Me got new one, me got bright yellow one

Me show new fone.

People run away. Come back I cry. Me show how brite yellow new fone is future.

People no understand. Brite yellow best fone ever.

Get a brite yellow fone. Show world you are special.

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Samsung asks for retrial on rubber-band

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Remember who started all this

Payback can be such a bitch. And when you're plumb out of innovation, you're merely a one trick pony reduced to bullying n bribing courts on your own doorstep to earn a crust. And that horse is about to leave town...

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Apple creeps up on Android in US smartphone sales

Bob Vistakin
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Paris Hilton

But ... iOS7 *is* Android

Ok, a cheap copy of the ICS Android of a couple years back but Android all the same.

Paris, for she knows all about fake imitation knock offs pretending to be the real deal.

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Apple files patent for 'Waze-plus'

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: Patent(ly absurd)

And to do if after everyone else has done it, but prettier and more expensively.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Apple - you're mapping it wrong

We've been here before, so why not just leave it to the experts?

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Apple back in court as Shanghai firm takes offence at Siri

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

"Siri - define hypocrisy"

"Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie."

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HP confirms it's back in the smartphone business

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Tee hee, snigger snigger, chortle chortle

"Windows Phone 8 might offer some tie-ins with HP's desktop portfolio, but if you're looking to make a splash in the smartphone arena it's better to use an OS people actually want to buy."

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Firefox OS starts third-place race against Windows Phone

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: But... but...

Microsoft are in the mobile space?

Why hasn't anyone heard of this - you 'd have thought with all the windows users out there there would be some level of interest.

Oh, wait...

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