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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

941 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Two years after Steve Jobs' death, how's that new CEO working out?

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Apple

Well, that's the messenger well and truly shot.

Time to reload, things are about to get busy.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Apple

New boss, new handsets and yet their users are *still* holding it wrong.

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You're either mighty brave or mighty stupid. So which is it, Twitter?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Only twats tweet

And when everyone using it wakes up to this and shuffles away, embarrassed, this fantastic "business" running at nearly a half billion dollar loss is toast.

What a crazy world we live in.

#emporersnewclothes

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British support for fracking largely unmoved by knowledge of downsides

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Just maybe

Surely no-one important is at risk here since its all going to take place in some desolate region the MP's of London, who decided all this, in somewhere called "Newcastle" way oop near Scotland?

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Hackers just POURING through unpatched Internet Explorer zero-day hole

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Shit browser gets hacked

Phew, its only ie so no-one noticed.

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Redmond expands fanboi trade-in program to include iPhones

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Stay away - Windows Phone is a Burning Platform

It's about to get the Flop treatment.

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Apple iOS 7 makes some users literally SICK. As in puking, not upset

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: A split personality release

Cheap copies of the market leader usually has this effect.

A quick drive across an airport runway will fix it..

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iOS 7 SPANKS Samsung's Android in user-experience rating

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Agreed - this is as impartial as an Orlowski microsoft piece.

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Ellison ditches own cloud keynote for billionaires' America's Cup boat race

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Oracle and another mass exodus? There's a pattern here

This asshole tried to sue Google and lost.

The inevitable result: Is anyone even aware it's JavaOne this week? Last time I caught their podcast (2012), even the Java Posse were openly saying they were considering skipping it now. More fail evidence? The JavaOne app is for ... Android and iPhone.

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Samsung's new image sensor promises better snaps in smaller devices

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The iPhone will have that in 2 years time

Oh wait ... Jobs has gone - make that 3 years. And it'll just show black squares.

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Chaos Computer Club: iPhone 5S finger-sniffer COMPROMISED

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're fingerprinting it wrong

Can't these stupid users get anything right?

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Microsoft: Surface a failure? No, it made us STRONGER

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: We alienated our partners, wrote off $900m, and were the laughingstock of the industry...

Here's some illuminating commentary on Windows 8.

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El Reg seeks new mobile, wireless tech writer - could it be YOU?

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The names VistaKin - Bob VistaKin

I offer impartial mobile reporting specifically in the quality segment of the market, and some microsoft stuff too.

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Ex-CEO Elop's plunder to total $25m in voyage from Nokia to Microsoft

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: yawn...

Burning platform my fucking arse.

That bastard set fire to it himself knowing, no, *ensuring* this is how it would turn out.

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Apple CEO Cook: 'We're not in the junk business'

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Hey speaking of junk

Will these iPhones run Apples own comedy map software or are they sticking with the professionals?

And has everyone missed the fact that Apple has been forced to apologise more times than a Lib Dem leader. Gosh, just found another. And we mustn't forget the apology for apologising wrong.

Apple - the comedy gift that just keeps on giving.

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Apple beckons fanbois back into its golden era... of, er, 2010

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Fragmentation Fixes for the Fickle Fanbois

Come on Reg, its not like you to pass on a headline like that.

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Microsoft announces iPad amnesty for fanbois

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

In fact the Microsoft two-for-1 promo video is now on YouTube.

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Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Its "unexpectedly" shit?

Like the iPad mini, Maps and cloning Android for iOS7 didn't signal this downward spiral a mile away?

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Apple’s iOS 64-bit iUpgrade: Don't expect a 2x performance leap

Bob Vistakin
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Exactly - with a modern multitasking OS this would do really well

Like the one Google introduced for their phones way back in 2007. Unusually, Apple really have been true to their Think Different slogan through all those years and stuck with their dumbed down single tasking toy for the non-technical. And the lost, if they still use their comedy maps offering.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Exactly - with a multitasking OS this would do really well

Like the one Google introduced for their phones way back in 2007. Unusually, Apple really have stick to their Think Different slogan through all those years and stuck with their dumbed down single tasking toy for the non-technical. And the lost, if they stlll use their comedy maps offering.

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Boris Johnson floats idea of 'London visa' to attract tech talent

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It's ok for Londoners to elect a Comedy mayor, but now he wants to be PM???

Right now it's just the rest of the UK laughing at Londoners. If he gets to be PM it'll be the rest of the world laughing at the UK.

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Microsoft does a U-turn, releases Windows 8.1 to developers early after all

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

There really are still people developing for microsoft?

Gosh, next you'll be saying they have their own search engine and not some mere script kiddie wrapper round a real one.

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Crack open those wallets: Microsoft is raising software prices AGAIN

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Excellent photo of Blamer excreting the first Lumia

Hmm, the reg's small version seems to have wandered away. Never mind.

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Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Excellent photo of Blamer excreting the first Lumia

Like all its brethren it remains unsold but it's the movement which counts.

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Microsoft, Nokia and the sound of colliding garbage trucks

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: One unified brand...

This unified brand was coined "NoWin" when Blamers puppet was first sent over there.

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Microsoft's $7.1bn Nokia gobble: Why you should expect the unexpected

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Microsoft need to change

"no amount of press bribery."

Hmm ... you know, Orlowski *is* very quiet on this whole subject right now.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: The dancing dad of IT

"...thrown cash at Bing"

But ... Microsoft’s Bing uses Google search results—and denies it.

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Microsoft buys Nokia's mobile business

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

"Erm - you know they sold something like 7 million Lumia's last quarter"

That unit of measure is known as a "By Thursday Lunchtime" in Android speak.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Oh, great!

Few people outside Redmond are aware microsoft have a presence in the mobile phone business.

It will be even fewer now.

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Microsoft's Nokia plan: WHACK APPLE AND GOOGLE

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: RIP Nokia

With this move, Micosoft announce they have given up competing with their own products. They see the way the market has gone, with Google/Apple dominating for the next decade at least, and just want a bigger slice of their efforts. Extortion has, and always will be, the only meaningful revenue option open to them in mobile.

Elops back home, they can lay off all those pesky Finns now they have what they really wanted all along, and Blamer is off laughing into the sunset.

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China confirms plans for first Moon visit later this year

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

Re: So the first man on the moon could be Chinese then.

I wonder why Kubricks widow is telling such awful lies then?

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

So the first man on the moon could be Chinese then.

That will be quite a feather in their cap. Gosh, it's almost as if they know something we don't.

Yet.

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Tencent offers 10TB of free cloud storage for all

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Hi, Microsoft PR desk here

Whilst we can all see the funny side of using the same tired old unflattering photograph of our excellent CEO, Steve Ballmer, could we gently point out there are other official images of him you could use instead, such as this, this or this.

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Ex-Windows chief Sinofsky flogs brains to Valley startups

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

An adviser to Box, eh?

"Guys - regarding boxes: I'd advise you always have a spare one."

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Fandroids blow $200,000 on secret PANIC BUTTON for their smartmobes

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

"Report a WinPho sighting" ????

Careful - Orlowski is watching.

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Apple tops target list for litigious patent trolls

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: You're suing us wrong

The irony of a fanboi calling Android fans "Sheeple"?

There's an app for that.

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Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

You're suing us wrong

Think Different

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Microsoft: YES Windows 8.1 is finished, but NO you can't have it

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Poor Microsoft

You feel sorry for them?

About the only good thing left for them to do now is complete the utter humiliation of overtaking Apple in smartphone market share. With iOS tumbling to 13% whilst WP8 worms its way past 5% that might just be the greatest comedy gift this Christmas decent folk everywhere can cheer about.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Same here. We have a few 5+ year old 32 Bit systems with 512Mb ram which ran XP. As a test I installed Fedora 19 32Bit running XFCE, then Chrome seeing as most of the work was done in the browser anyway. It was so fast it was shocking! What a difference those years of optimizing rather than building in obsolescence made. I strongly urge anyone in the same position to give this a try.

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What Surface RT flop? Nokia said to be readying WinRT slab for September

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And Flop called Symbian a burning platform?????

Jesus wept. This is a whole different kind of piss taking.

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Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Kids rebel

Users do too.

All this talk of Blamer ruining microsoft because of the rise of Google, Apple etc on his watch might be missing the point. Before then, users *had no choice*. So if they detested the beast, there's nothing they could do about it. As soon as they do get a realistic choice, such as with phones, tablets, cloud ... well, basically anything apart from the desktop OS, they take it gladly no matter who's running the shop - today and tomorrow.

Which is why the self inflicted Windows hate disaster is so telling of the misplaced arrogance within.

"Users hate Windows 8" :-)

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Google plonks down cash for Foxconn's head-mounted display patents

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The usual copycats will really have to Think Different this time

Unless they stick to their tactic of using the best court money can buy in Texas, of course.

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Ballmer's emotional farewell to Redmond: I LOVE THIS COMPANY

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Blamer leaving microsoft is terrible news

He was ruining the company perfectly. The whole industry should now be worried.

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BILLION DOLLAR BALLMER: Microsoft chief makes $1bn simply by quitting

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2013: Microsofts year of hell

But only for its users and shareholders.

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Bradley Manning sentenced to 35 years in prison

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: Poor guy

This is too near the knuckle for words.

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Apple sucking triple the phone switchers as Samsung – report

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

MacRumours: Android grows to 80% of market, iOS drops to 13%

That's what it says here.

Is this "report" just a very clever but desperate attempt to disguise this fact?

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Microsoft warns of post-April zero day hack bonanza on Windows XP

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

So it's blackmail with Windows and extortion with Android...

Can anyone guess who Google had in mind when they coined the "do no evil" tag?

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Apple big-screen TV rumor zombie RISES FROM THE DEAD

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

This time they really have to Think Different

Let's hope it's something other than a large, flat, black rectangular panel controlled with a remote device which shows moving sound and pictures. If it was, let's hope they haven't pissed off the biggest player in this field with exactly that product out for the last 20 years, otherwise they'd just be copying them wouldn't they, and it'd all get very legal very quickly.

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Microsoft SkyDrive, Outlook stricken by cloud outage

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It could be because Microsoft still haven't figured out how a calendar works.

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Peak Apple: Samsung hits DOUBLE the market share of iPhones

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

This "Apple" company you speak of...

Could you clarify which one of these from history you mean from now on?

Its either the Beatles record label, or the one which shone briefly before fading back into nothingness, ending up as a pathetic patent troll claiming everyone copied their stuff. Oh, that's the one who copied the name of the first.

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