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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

833 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Microsoft offers free keyboard covers for Surface RT

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: More lipstick...

"Have you loaded Linux onto your iPad?"

Genuine question - since that device is only designed for the primitive one-thing-at-a-time kind of operation seen in legacy systems from years ago, is its hardware even capable of the kind of multitasking a modern OS like Linux offers?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: No chrome

HTC will be pleased then.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft's Windows 8.1 secrets REVEALED ... sort of

Bob Vistakin
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Redmond orders turd polish by the tankerful

But it's still not enough.

It's nice to see their new official Windows 8.1 line though - "It's like having a ping pong bat shoved up your ass while you try to get on with your work.".

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Microsoft caves to Google, pulls YouTube app from WinPhone Store

Bob Vistakin
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Re: I can hardly believe

@TheVogon "The install base is in the millions."

As is Androids. Every day in fact.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: I can hardly believe

"Haha don't make me laugh."

Well, I'm reminded of the reply Russell Brand got after him and Woss made their obscene phone call prank and he said "All I ever wanted to do was make people laugh".

Reply: "Well Russell, any time you're ready to start".

Same with Microsoft. When they do get round to launching something other than a comedy burning platform, we'll see if its any use.

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: I can hardly believe

That's shocking.

Microsoft have some kind of mobile phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?

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Euro PC shipments plummet into bottomless pit of DOOOOM

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Amen to that

@Corborg

Microsoft sends its sincere thanks to you and all their other beta testers for helping them fleece you each time you thought you were being such a heroic trailblazer.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

2013: Microsoft's year of hell rolling along nicely I see

I'm quite enjoying watching this slow car crash in a schadenfreude kind of way.

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Apple adds Galaxy S 4 to Samsung patent suit

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: When did Apple patent "being better than Apple"?

The S3 is a generation ahead of the iPhone5. The S4 is two.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Lets see if they get their newspaper apology right this time

It would be so embarrassing if they were told they apologised wrong and had to do it again. And again.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft splashes big bucks to blast Google Apps

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2 words regarding this famous Microsoft compatibility:

Quirks mode

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Microsoft honcho pleads with media: 'Stop picking on us!'

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: What? I only heard Neil.

That read to me the way a man who has been forced by some Blamer to go out to the press and polish a turd, even though the very thought disgusts him and he knows instinctively he's onto a loser.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Rest of Android using manufacturers plead with Microsoft "Stop extorting us!"

Ahh, cuddly cute Microsoft feel all picked on and want you to feel sorry for them.

Don't. Not for an instant. "Cruel to be kind" is the only way with this hypocritical cancer.

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It's official: Nokia's Verizon Lumia 928 is here

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It wouldn't surprise me to find out there actually was a totally compatible Android hardware layer underneath all this. Once the shareholders see sense, as they appear to be doing recently, Android handsets will then just be a case of applying decent software to the great hardware Nokia is known for plus some case retooling.

Clearly, Elop is standing on a burning platform now so hasn't that long to go.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: So Fugly it's mother would feed it with a catapult

Can it be flashed with Android? But then you'd have to scrape off the mark-of-the-retard Windows logo.

Anyway, at this rate it's not just that which foghorns its owner as an embarrassing loser - unless they act fast, the very word Nokia alone will, too.

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Yes! It's the NFC phone-bonk doorbell app AT LAST

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: But for modern smartphones only, natch.

* WHOSE

Cheers. These small details may appear unimportant, but nanny must constantly point them out lest the reader not understand the full meaning of the sentence. And we all know how much happier some smartphone users are when being nannied.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

But for modern smartphones only, natch.

Nothing NFC is applicable to quaint tiny-screened models whos design has hardly changed for 5 years, no matter how round their corners, since "they don't need that".

Until it's added that is, then its "their innovation" and they'll see you in a court they bought.

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Microsoft: All RIGHT, you can have your Start button back

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: We told you it was shit

And Blamer *still* has his job? Are the shareholders all retards?

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Redmond probes new IE 8 vulnerability

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Why don't they just throw in the towel?

Oh look, an Anonymous Coward seems to be ignoring the fact the largest, most successful Patent Troll in the world is once again doing what they are best at and ignored the elephant in the room.

Once again.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Why don't they just throw in the towel?

Give up software microsoft - you're shit at it. Stick to extorting $5-$15 per device from those who get it right.

Whilst you can.

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Monitor-makers ponder Android-powered touch screens

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

"YeddanotherMicrosoftRevenueStream"

Quite catchy, accurate and goes down really well in Redmond.

And quickly.

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BT and O2 ink deal to build mega 4G network

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

BT knows best

Hmmmm, O2 eh? A partnership, Hmmm. What could they call it? Mmm, O2 ... lets see, oh I can't be bothered, lets just go with that then shall we MMO2. Yes, great name that - a real first in technical excellence, and a great testament to BT's vision for the future.

MMO2. Oh, wait ...

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Apple's next OS X said to be targeted at 'power users'

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Ahh tabs - Didn't think it would take long before they "invented" them

Round corners, slide to unlock, pages which (gasp!) turn. Add tabs to that list of marvelous innovations the human race was lost in the wilderness before the genuises at Apple concocted in their labs.

And courthouses.

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Microsoft off the hook for billions in Motorola Mobility payout

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Can someone grow a pair

I feel it won't be long now.

B&N came close by disclosing what microsoft tried so hard to keep quiet about. When all this does get to court, the real fun begins when ms lose - will they have to repay all they extorted?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The sickening stench of The Beast is everywhere

Compare and contrast.

This case, where microsoft use Motorola tech:

Judge: "Yup, you're guilty of infringement. Hold out your wrist whilst we lightly brush it with a feather as punishment."

Android, where no one knows what tech alleged infringers use because microsofts bully boys threaten all kinds of pain if they even hint at going to court: "That's $5-$15 per device then, please".

The only hope is when it does finally get to court, the extortionists lose and have to repay every penny they fleeced from their victims over the years, and then some. Hell, yeah! All they'll have left in mobile is their hated bright yellow comedy phone, the shareholders will have long given Elop the boot and the hints at Android kit we're seeing now will be in full swing. Minus any royalties to the bastards, natch.

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Review: Nokia Lumia 520

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Landfill Android?

Android is microsofts largest mobile revenue stream by miles so they don't give a fuck what users do with them.

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Apple loses again in Chinese App Store copyright case

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're copying it wrong

Think different.

Again.

Will they have to issue an apology in the press, then hilariously issue another for apologising wrong the first time? Hey, haven't we been here before?

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Bill Gates offends Koreans after sticking hand down trousers

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: could have been worse

Ahem - you mean pulled down his trousers and excreted a Windows 8 handset on the floor. But then again, how would anyone tell the difference?

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users

Nah, Eadon would have said welcome to Microsofts new R&D dept, where Blamer shoved his hand down the back of his trousers, rummaged, squeezed and grunted for a while before popping out a Windows 8 handset and a puppet, both of which he then sent over to Nokia telling them to get on with it.

:-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users

By sticking unusable new Windows "upgrade" down their throats, too.

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Report: Apple returned 8M shoddy iPhones to Foxconn

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Someone noticed it was a batch that had not really changed much in 5 years?

Oh, wait...

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Google's Page drops the A-bomb: Google Glass runs Android

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: News?

I was expecting Windows for Spectacles Consumer Edition 1.0 (tm)

"Hi! I'm Clippy. It looks like you're trying to use IE for Spectacles. Oh - I see this is standard CSS from 1998 - I'm sorry, I'm not able to render that without a dozen extra ActiveX controls, a reboot and compatibility mode being enabled. Would you like me to get on with that whilst you perform your operation, Dr. Chamberlain?"

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Nokia: OK, Q1 has been weak, but there's 'underlying' profit

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And here's the statement had Nokia done the right thing

Record Android sales rocketed Nokias profits to their highest ever this year as they matched Samsung neck and neck for market share. CEO Andy Rubin commented "Our hardware excellence rewarded our loyal customers once again by allowing us to offer exactly what they wanted, with a wide range of Android handsets from the budget models aimed at emerging economies right up to our latest 6.5' MegaPhone range. Sales of our Android tablets are performing extremely well too, with their overall share set to overtake the iPad this year as happened with Android handsets a few years ago. Our extension into Smart Eyewear is also creating a huge buzz , but that's what you'd expect from the best R&D facility in the business, which has been taking on staff year-on year since the Android decision at a rate of 15% pa, as well as building more factories. I shudder to think what state Nokia would be in today had we not given our customers what they wanted, and gone with Android".

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Foxconn must pay Microsoft for EVERY Android thing it makes

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Mmmmmm...

This is exactly why it's just not possible to kick microsoft enough.

Its not enough that no-one wants their comedy new desktop OS - kick em now whilst they are down.

Its not enough that they can't shift as many of their pathetic phones in a quarter as Android activates in a day - kick em again even when they stop moving.

And its certainly not enough no-one even realises they have a tablet out - it's impact has been that minimal the needle didn't budge. Just read this story, and kick 'em again. And again.

And again - we don't want any chance of them coming back.

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Microsoft: FINE! We'll match Amazon - by HIKING cloud prices

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: New ad

Exclusive! The new microsoft Smartwatch For those all-important times when Azure doesn't even know what fucking day it is.

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Internet Explorer makes modest gains against Google Chrome

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And found the cries of "Ayyyyyyy Eeeeeeeeh!" just as comforting as the first time round it screwed up some standard CSS, or insisted on dozens of ActiveX "helpers" to be installed before rendering the simplest of pages and going into "compatibility mode".

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Four Apple execs among US top five best-paid in 2012

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Hey, speaking of Blamer

We're 3 months into 2013: Microsofts year of hell and ZDNet has announced the death of Windows 8. It's such a shame - I really enjoyed giving it a good kicking.

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Facebook Home gets SMACKDOWN from irate users

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

It's a great way to instantly identify assholes though.

That's anyone using it beyond the 5 minute curiosity window. 100% reliable, too.

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New York cops testing Big Brother crime-data Android app

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

New York Cops use Google Maps

Keystone Cops used Apple Maps

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Google tool lets you share data from BEYOND the GRAVE

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

That's funny - one just popped up in Cupertino

Dear Google,

Just letting you know all's well up here and just because I've been quiet recently it doesn't mean you're not to drop me off Google services please. If I had to rely on iPhone maps I'd be wandering round forever lost in limbo.

One more thing - can someone get legal onto the shape of the corners round the pearly gates here, I'm sure we could get a result. Looks like there a bolt there you have to slide to unlock too - double win!

Cheers

Steve

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Ahoy! Google asks US gov't to help sink patent 'privateers'

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Where are Microsoft and Apple though?

Anyone else notice the two biggest patent trolls in the business for some reason modestly declined to sign up to this?

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Microsoft: 'Facebook Home just copies Windows Phone'

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

But with Microsoft and Android, its "Patents First"

Blamer is on dangerous ground slamming anything Android - the $5 per handset they extort from its manufacturers is by far and away their largest revenue stream from mobile.

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Apple handed victory in Samsung text-selection patent case

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

You're selecting text wrong

Now no handheld device prior to 2007 allowed text selection? Or some pointless obvious variation thereof so it gave Apple a foot in the door to then go on and own the whole concept?

Oh, wow...

This again is good news - it just adds more to the torrent of ridicule the whole patent system is being deluged with.

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Major blow for Apple: 'Bounce back' patent bounced back by USPTO

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Think different

Judge to Apple, after last years "victory" over Samsung: "Just one more thing..."

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: They'd be wise to let this go

Nah ... the humiliation isn't complete until they've been forced to apologize in the press. Then apologize again for, err, apologizing wrong the first time.

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Microsoft's summer update will be called Windows 8.1

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Keep on polishing the Win8 turd till it rubs away to nothing

Now that's a policy I'll certainly raise my glass to.

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Steve Jobs to supervise iPhone 6 FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

You're haunting it wrong

Jobs: "Siri, can you guide me to the pearly gates please? Yes, using Google Maps of course."

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Facebook prepares to dominate Android

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

"making the social network an ever-present companion for people with extremely low IQs"

FTFY

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Apple files patent for iPhone with wraparound display

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

What a good idea

Samsung had when they showed it first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3E7fUynrZU

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Apple in Chinese court over patent rights for Siri

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Its them Wound corners

Siri, can you demonstrate to us what we mean when we tell others we can't have them stealing our inventions please?

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