833 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011
Re: More lipstick...
"Have you loaded Linux onto your iPad?"
Genuine question - since that device is only designed for the primitive one-thing-at-a-time kind of operation seen in legacy systems from years ago, is its hardware even capable of the kind of multitasking a modern OS like Linux offers?
Redmond orders turd polish by the tankerful
But it's still not enough.
It's nice to see their new official Windows 8.1 line though - "It's like having a ping pong bat shoved up your ass while you try to get on with your work.".
Re: I can hardly believe
"Haha don't make me laugh."
Well, I'm reminded of the reply Russell Brand got after him and Woss made their obscene phone call prank and he said "All I ever wanted to do was make people laugh".
Reply: "Well Russell, any time you're ready to start".
Same with Microsoft. When they do get round to launching something other than a comedy burning platform, we'll see if its any use.
Re: I can hardly believe
Microsoft have some kind of mobile phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?
Re: Amen to that
Microsoft sends its sincere thanks to you and all their other beta testers for helping them fleece you each time you thought you were being such a heroic trailblazer.
2013: Microsoft's year of hell rolling along nicely I see
I'm quite enjoying watching this slow car crash in a schadenfreude kind of way.
Re: When did Apple patent "being better than Apple"?
The S3 is a generation ahead of the iPhone5. The S4 is two.
2 words regarding this famous Microsoft compatibility:
Re: What? I only heard Neil.
That read to me the way a man who has been forced by some Blamer to go out to the press and polish a turd, even though the very thought disgusts him and he knows instinctively he's onto a loser.
It wouldn't surprise me to find out there actually was a totally compatible Android hardware layer underneath all this. Once the shareholders see sense, as they appear to be doing recently, Android handsets will then just be a case of applying decent software to the great hardware Nokia is known for plus some case retooling.
Clearly, Elop is standing on a burning platform now so hasn't that long to go.
Re: So Fugly it's mother would feed it with a catapult
Can it be flashed with Android? But then you'd have to scrape off the mark-of-the-retard Windows logo.
Anyway, at this rate it's not just that which foghorns its owner as an embarrassing loser - unless they act fast, the very word Nokia alone will, too.
Re: But for modern smartphones only, natch.
Cheers. These small details may appear unimportant, but nanny must constantly point them out lest the reader not understand the full meaning of the sentence. And we all know how much happier some smartphone users are when being nannied.
But for modern smartphones only, natch.
Nothing NFC is applicable to quaint tiny-screened models whos design has hardly changed for 5 years, no matter how round their corners, since "they don't need that".
Until it's added that is, then its "their innovation" and they'll see you in a court they bought.
Re: We told you it was shit
And Blamer *still* has his job? Are the shareholders all retards?
Re: Why don't they just throw in the towel?
Oh look, an Anonymous Coward seems to be ignoring the fact the largest, most successful Patent Troll in the world is once again doing what they are best at and ignored the elephant in the room.
Why don't they just throw in the towel?
Give up software microsoft - you're shit at it. Stick to extorting $5-$15 per device from those who get it right.
Whilst you can.
Quite catchy, accurate and goes down really well in Redmond.
BT knows best
Hmmmm, O2 eh? A partnership, Hmmm. What could they call it? Mmm, O2 ... lets see, oh I can't be bothered, lets just go with that then shall we MMO2. Yes, great name that - a real first in technical excellence, and a great testament to BT's vision for the future.
MMO2. Oh, wait ...
Ahh tabs - Didn't think it would take long before they "invented" them
Round corners, slide to unlock, pages which (gasp!) turn. Add tabs to that list of marvelous innovations the human race was lost in the wilderness before the genuises at Apple concocted in their labs.
The sickening stench of The Beast is everywhere
Compare and contrast.
This case, where microsoft use Motorola tech:
Judge: "Yup, you're guilty of infringement. Hold out your wrist whilst we lightly brush it with a feather as punishment."
Android, where no one knows what tech alleged infringers use because microsofts bully boys threaten all kinds of pain if they even hint at going to court: "That's $5-$15 per device then, please".
The only hope is when it does finally get to court, the extortionists lose and have to repay every penny they fleeced from their victims over the years, and then some. Hell, yeah! All they'll have left in mobile is their hated bright yellow comedy phone, the shareholders will have long given Elop the boot and the hints at Android kit we're seeing now will be in full swing. Minus any royalties to the bastards, natch.
Android is microsofts largest mobile revenue stream by miles so they don't give a fuck what users do with them.
You're copying it wrong
Will they have to issue an apology in the press, then hilariously issue another for apologising wrong the first time? Hey, haven't we been here before?
Re: could have been worse
Ahem - you mean pulled down his trousers and excreted a Windows 8 handset on the floor. But then again, how would anyone tell the difference?
Re: Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users
Nah, Eadon would have said welcome to Microsofts new R&D dept, where Blamer shoved his hand down the back of his trousers, rummaged, squeezed and grunted for a while before popping out a Windows 8 handset and a puppet, both of which he then sent over to Nokia telling them to get on with it.
Steve Blamer offends millions of Windows users
By sticking unusable new Windows "upgrade" down their throats, too.
Someone noticed it was a batch that had not really changed much in 5 years?
I was expecting Windows for Spectacles Consumer Edition 1.0 (tm)
"Hi! I'm Clippy. It looks like you're trying to use IE for Spectacles. Oh - I see this is standard CSS from 1998 - I'm sorry, I'm not able to render that without a dozen extra ActiveX controls, a reboot and compatibility mode being enabled. Would you like me to get on with that whilst you perform your operation, Dr. Chamberlain?"
And here's the statement had Nokia done the right thing
Record Android sales rocketed Nokias profits to their highest ever this year as they matched Samsung neck and neck for market share. CEO Andy Rubin commented "Our hardware excellence rewarded our loyal customers once again by allowing us to offer exactly what they wanted, with a wide range of Android handsets from the budget models aimed at emerging economies right up to our latest 6.5' MegaPhone range. Sales of our Android tablets are performing extremely well too, with their overall share set to overtake the iPad this year as happened with Android handsets a few years ago. Our extension into Smart Eyewear is also creating a huge buzz , but that's what you'd expect from the best R&D facility in the business, which has been taking on staff year-on year since the Android decision at a rate of 15% pa, as well as building more factories. I shudder to think what state Nokia would be in today had we not given our customers what they wanted, and gone with Android".
This is exactly why it's just not possible to kick microsoft enough.
Its not enough that no-one wants their comedy new desktop OS - kick em now whilst they are down.
Its not enough that they can't shift as many of their pathetic phones in a quarter as Android activates in a day - kick em again even when they stop moving.
And its certainly not enough no-one even realises they have a tablet out - it's impact has been that minimal the needle didn't budge. Just read this story, and kick 'em again. And again.
And again - we don't want any chance of them coming back.
And found the cries of "Ayyyyyyy Eeeeeeeeh!" just as comforting as the first time round it screwed up some standard CSS, or insisted on dozens of ActiveX "helpers" to be installed before rendering the simplest of pages and going into "compatibility mode".
It's a great way to instantly identify assholes though.
That's anyone using it beyond the 5 minute curiosity window. 100% reliable, too.
New York Cops use Google Maps
Keystone Cops used Apple Maps
That's funny - one just popped up in Cupertino
Just letting you know all's well up here and just because I've been quiet recently it doesn't mean you're not to drop me off Google services please. If I had to rely on iPhone maps I'd be wandering round forever lost in limbo.
One more thing - can someone get legal onto the shape of the corners round the pearly gates here, I'm sure we could get a result. Looks like there a bolt there you have to slide to unlock too - double win!
Where are Microsoft and Apple though?
Anyone else notice the two biggest patent trolls in the business for some reason modestly declined to sign up to this?
But with Microsoft and Android, its "Patents First"
Blamer is on dangerous ground slamming anything Android - the $5 per handset they extort from its manufacturers is by far and away their largest revenue stream from mobile.
You're selecting text wrong
Now no handheld device prior to 2007 allowed text selection? Or some pointless obvious variation thereof so it gave Apple a foot in the door to then go on and own the whole concept?
This again is good news - it just adds more to the torrent of ridicule the whole patent system is being deluged with.
Judge to Apple, after last years "victory" over Samsung: "Just one more thing..."
Re: They'd be wise to let this go
Nah ... the humiliation isn't complete until they've been forced to apologize in the press. Then apologize again for, err, apologizing wrong the first time.
Keep on polishing the Win8 turd till it rubs away to nothing
Now that's a policy I'll certainly raise my glass to.
You're haunting it wrong
Jobs: "Siri, can you guide me to the pearly gates please? Yes, using Google Maps of course."
"making the social network an ever-present companion for people with extremely low IQs"
What a good idea
Samsung had when they showed it first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3E7fUynrZU
Its them Wound corners
Siri, can you demonstrate to us what we mean when we tell others we can't have them stealing our inventions please?
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