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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

874 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Its "unexpectedly" shit?

Like the iPad mini, Maps and cloning Android for iOS7 didn't signal this downward spiral a mile away?

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Apple’s iOS 64-bit iUpgrade: Don't expect a 2x performance leap

Bob Vistakin
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Exactly - with a modern multitasking OS this would do really well

Like the one Google introduced for their phones way back in 2007. Unusually, Apple really have been true to their Think Different slogan through all those years and stuck with their dumbed down single tasking toy for the non-technical. And the lost, if they still use their comedy maps offering.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Exactly - with a multitasking OS this would do really well

Like the one Google introduced for their phones way back in 2007. Unusually, Apple really have stick to their Think Different slogan through all those years and stuck with their dumbed down single tasking toy for the non-technical. And the lost, if they stlll use their comedy maps offering.

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Boris Johnson floats idea of 'London visa' to attract tech talent

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It's ok for Londoners to elect a Comedy mayor, but now he wants to be PM???

Right now it's just the rest of the UK laughing at Londoners. If he gets to be PM it'll be the rest of the world laughing at the UK.

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Microsoft does a U-turn, releases Windows 8.1 to developers early after all

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

There really are still people developing for microsoft?

Gosh, next you'll be saying they have their own search engine and not some mere script kiddie wrapper round a real one.

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Crack open those wallets: Microsoft is raising software prices AGAIN

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Excellent photo of Blamer excreting the first Lumia

Hmm, the reg's small version seems to have wandered away. Never mind.

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Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Excellent photo of Blamer excreting the first Lumia

Like all its brethren it remains unsold but it's the movement which counts.

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Microsoft, Nokia and the sound of colliding garbage trucks

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: One unified brand...

This unified brand was coined "NoWin" when Blamers puppet was first sent over there.

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Microsoft's $7.1bn Nokia gobble: Why you should expect the unexpected

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Microsoft need to change

"no amount of press bribery."

Hmm ... you know, Orlowski *is* very quiet on this whole subject right now.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: The dancing dad of IT

"...thrown cash at Bing"

But ... Microsoft’s Bing uses Google search results—and denies it.

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Microsoft buys Nokia's mobile business

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

"Erm - you know they sold something like 7 million Lumia's last quarter"

That unit of measure is known as a "By Thursday Lunchtime" in Android speak.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Oh, great!

Few people outside Redmond are aware microsoft have a presence in the mobile phone business.

It will be even fewer now.

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Microsoft's Nokia plan: WHACK APPLE AND GOOGLE

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: RIP Nokia

With this move, Micosoft announce they have given up competing with their own products. They see the way the market has gone, with Google/Apple dominating for the next decade at least, and just want a bigger slice of their efforts. Extortion has, and always will be, the only meaningful revenue option open to them in mobile.

Elops back home, they can lay off all those pesky Finns now they have what they really wanted all along, and Blamer is off laughing into the sunset.

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China confirms plans for first Moon visit later this year

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

Re: So the first man on the moon could be Chinese then.

I wonder why Kubricks widow is telling such awful lies then?

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

So the first man on the moon could be Chinese then.

That will be quite a feather in their cap. Gosh, it's almost as if they know something we don't.

Yet.

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Tencent offers 10TB of free cloud storage for all

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Hi, Microsoft PR desk here

Whilst we can all see the funny side of using the same tired old unflattering photograph of our excellent CEO, Steve Ballmer, could we gently point out there are other official images of him you could use instead, such as this, this or this.

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Ex-Windows chief Sinofsky flogs brains to Valley startups

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

An adviser to Box, eh?

"Guys - regarding boxes: I'd advise you always have a spare one."

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Fandroids blow $200,000 on secret PANIC BUTTON for their smartmobes

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

"Report a WinPho sighting" ????

Careful - Orlowski is watching.

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Apple tops target list for litigious patent trolls

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: You're suing us wrong

The irony of a fanboi calling Android fans "Sheeple"?

There's an app for that.

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Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

You're suing us wrong

Think Different

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Microsoft: YES Windows 8.1 is finished, but NO you can't have it

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Poor Microsoft

You feel sorry for them?

About the only good thing left for them to do now is complete the utter humiliation of overtaking Apple in smartphone market share. With iOS tumbling to 13% whilst WP8 worms its way past 5% that might just be the greatest comedy gift this Christmas decent folk everywhere can cheer about.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Same here. We have a few 5+ year old 32 Bit systems with 512Mb ram which ran XP. As a test I installed Fedora 19 32Bit running XFCE, then Chrome seeing as most of the work was done in the browser anyway. It was so fast it was shocking! What a difference those years of optimizing rather than building in obsolescence made. I strongly urge anyone in the same position to give this a try.

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What Surface RT flop? Nokia said to be readying WinRT slab for September

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And Flop called Symbian a burning platform?????

Jesus wept. This is a whole different kind of piss taking.

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Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Kids rebel

Users do too.

All this talk of Blamer ruining microsoft because of the rise of Google, Apple etc on his watch might be missing the point. Before then, users *had no choice*. So if they detested the beast, there's nothing they could do about it. As soon as they do get a realistic choice, such as with phones, tablets, cloud ... well, basically anything apart from the desktop OS, they take it gladly no matter who's running the shop - today and tomorrow.

Which is why the self inflicted Windows hate disaster is so telling of the misplaced arrogance within.

"Users hate Windows 8" :-)

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Google plonks down cash for Foxconn's head-mounted display patents

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The usual copycats will really have to Think Different this time

Unless they stick to their tactic of using the best court money can buy in Texas, of course.

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Ballmer's emotional farewell to Redmond: I LOVE THIS COMPANY

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Blamer leaving microsoft is terrible news

He was ruining the company perfectly. The whole industry should now be worried.

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BILLION DOLLAR BALLMER: Microsoft chief makes $1bn simply by quitting

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

2013: Microsofts year of hell

But only for its users and shareholders.

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Bradley Manning sentenced to 35 years in prison

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: Poor guy

This is too near the knuckle for words.

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Apple sucking triple the phone switchers as Samsung – report

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

MacRumours: Android grows to 80% of market, iOS drops to 13%

That's what it says here.

Is this "report" just a very clever but desperate attempt to disguise this fact?

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Microsoft warns of post-April zero day hack bonanza on Windows XP

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

So it's blackmail with Windows and extortion with Android...

Can anyone guess who Google had in mind when they coined the "do no evil" tag?

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Apple big-screen TV rumor zombie RISES FROM THE DEAD

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

This time they really have to Think Different

Let's hope it's something other than a large, flat, black rectangular panel controlled with a remote device which shows moving sound and pictures. If it was, let's hope they haven't pissed off the biggest player in this field with exactly that product out for the last 20 years, otherwise they'd just be copying them wouldn't they, and it'd all get very legal very quickly.

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Microsoft SkyDrive, Outlook stricken by cloud outage

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It could be because Microsoft still haven't figured out how a calendar works.

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Peak Apple: Samsung hits DOUBLE the market share of iPhones

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

This "Apple" company you speak of...

Could you clarify which one of these from history you mean from now on?

Its either the Beatles record label, or the one which shone briefly before fading back into nothingness, ending up as a pathetic patent troll claiming everyone copied their stuff. Oh, that's the one who copied the name of the first.

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Waiting for a Windows Phone update? Let's talk again next year

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Next year... if there's any developers left by then.

Developers deserted microsofts userless mobile platform years ago, and nothng of value was lost.

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Apple wins Samsung import ban, loses 'Battle of Rounded Corners II'

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

The UI hasn't changed since 2008

And as we all know, Apple are merely copying the market leader for iOS7

So it's really interesting to see what Apples designers come up with when for the first time they actually do Think Different and don't copy someone else.

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MS gets you hooked on Server 2012 Datacenter, jacks up the price for R2

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: MS has a big asshole

Called Blamer at the helm, and he's ruining it very nicely indeed

FTFYA

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Acer to downplay Windows in favor of Android, Chrome OS

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: wow, the biter bit

The bitten bit back - actually that's a bit more like the Regs usual headline for this kind of story.

In any case, it's great news as now the child has pointed out the quality of the emperors new clothes, the floodgates will open.

A great time to invest in the Redmond furniture repair industry.

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Android approaches 80% smartphone share as Apple's iPhone grows old

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: "As usual, Linux phones managed to scrape a percentage point of market share"

I like how "scraping a percentage point" at 1% shit but Windows is somehow doing amazingly well at 3.7%, whilst Android shifts in a couple of days what the pair of these do in a quarter.

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Apple patents laser, incandescent projector for laptops, smartphones

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The same noble patent system that gave us the stunning stick

Yup, as pointless as a lib dem manifesto, as sincere as a tory policy and as competent as a labour administration, the good old US patent system bends over and blows another one out Apples way which is just as credible as this breakthrough earlier excretion.

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IBM committed 'ethical transgressions' to win botched project

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Surely not?

Oh, wait...

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The hammer falls: Feds propose drastic controls on Apple's iTunes Store

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

You're milking it wrong

Think different.

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Apple files patent for iPhone enabled auto-adjustable auto interior

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: I know nothing much about patents, but...

"Can you really patent an idea before you've worked out how to actually implement that idea?"

Welcome to Microsofts only revenue stream from mobile.

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Zuck on this, Twitter! Now Facebook switches on embedded posts

Bob Vistakin
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Trollface

Gotta pick up on the snarky emphasis on how many ads FB runs

Has the Reg ever considered running any? I hear it's a useful revenue stream for internet businesses.

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Murdoch machinations mean Microsoft must rename SkyDrive

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: DoubleDisk

Droidenfreude

KarmaBitch

RupertSlap

ThinkAgain

PeguinsJoy

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Microsoft Surface sales numbers revealed as SHOCKINGLY HIDEOUS

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The turd that cannot be polished

"If you're thinking of buying the discounted kit be advised that Secure Boot means you can't change out the software."

This fiasco is amost an exact repeat of HP's comedy Touchpad routine but with the extra Microsoft spin of no possible redeeming features via reflashing.

It is quite literally useless. Some would say "told you so".

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PEAK APPLE: iPad market share hits the skids

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

iOS8 will fix all this

Screenshots already leaked.

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Lingering fingerprint fingering fingered in iOS 7 for NEW iPHONE

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Once again Apple tells its users what they want

No talk of NFC, large screens, widgets or proper multitasking. Nope, instead Apple has decided a fingerprint recognizer is what it needs to turn around its declining fortunes.

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Samsung overtakes Apple as most profitable global handset maker

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: margins

"Apple probably make more profit per handset"

Never forget the desperate, rapidly collapsing evil empire makes its only contribution to the mobile industry by extorting Android manufacturers. Without their wonderful assistance, who knows what the profit and loss sheet would look like?

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: I predict

13% of the market is still, err, respectable, if you don't mind thinking differently.

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Google Chromecast: Here's why it's the most important smart TV tech ever

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: It's just a really bad equivalent of AirPlay / DLNA; what's the big deal?

"I still don't see why Google's half-baked implementation is interesting."

Ahh, that'll be because it's obvious this will demolish Apple in the TV space the same way Google did with smartphones and is clearly on the brink of doing with tablets.

Once again, time to think different.

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