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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

876 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

Bob Vistakin
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Thinking Different?

Nope, you're thinking wrong.

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Windows Phone app developers: These games are made for you

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Wont be found here...

Oooh, so adding that 12% to Androids 81% leaves, err, 7% for Apple + rest.

Aren't statistics marvelous?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Wont be found here...

Yes I keep hearing about these "Windows phones" too, but you never see them in the wild. Have they been released yet, or is this is Microsoft getting their equivalent of an app store ready for when it is?

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Microsoft admits: We WON'T pick the next Steve Ballmer this year

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

I'd vote for Flop

If he does to m$ what he did to Nokia we'd all be very happy indeed.

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

What's an iPad?

Is that some cheap knock off copy of an Android tablet?

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What you need to know about moving to the Azure public cloud

Bob Vistakin
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What you need to know about moving to the Azure cloud?

Don't do it on a fucking leap year.

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Microsoft 'cautiously optimistic' about Christmas sales

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Any time you're ready to launch one of your phones

We're here looking out for one.

Is there a prize for the first one spotted in the wild?

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Android tablets to outsell laptops by 2017: IDC

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Extortionists rejoice!

Android is microsofts only revenue stream from mobile and tablets.

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Best budget Android smartphone there is? Must be the Moto G

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Why?

@Truth4u

You can thank Microsoft for this. Seriously.

The Nexus devices do not come with SD card slots NOT because Google wants everyone to use their cloud, although that's obviously somewhere in the mix, it's because they would have to include the dreaded FAT32 filesystem onboard and hence cough up to the losers who leech. If you notice, whenever you connect a Nexus device to a PC or whatever, its external software which does the file decoding - hence no extortion tax on that front, at least.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Cheapest I have found.....

Same here. I've lost count now of the number of people I know buying this for Christmas. The rest are Nexus 5's.

Starting to have trouble remembering what other phones there are apart from Android these days. Surely after the Christmas sales figures are out we'll just see the dregs scrapping around for what Google would consider the floor noise of their market share.

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Microsoft wields turkey knife, slices Surface to $199 for Black Friday

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Hello! Still here! Surface 2! Way better than iPad! says slightly desperate Microsoft

Bob Vistakin
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Every time I see the term "Surface 2" I'm reminded of the time this guy needed, err, 2

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Xbox One FAILS to beat PS3 - yes, PS 3 - week one sales

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Any fucking wonder?

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Microsoft pulls its crowd-control tech from out of the shadows

Bob Vistakin
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Always entertaining

To read Microsofts official explanation of why they literally don't know what day it is when dealing with Azure.

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Schiller: 'Almost everyone' at Apple works on iPhones - not Macs or anything

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: And yet...

"Anecdotal evidence from teenagers..."

You missed the point, which is not whether they could or couldn't afford one, but the fact they no longer aspire to do so.

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

And yet...

The figures out this week show a market share *drop* for the last quarter from 13% to 12% which covers the freaking 3 quarters the new iPhones were launched!

Anecdotal evidence from teenagers (unprompted) chat this week tells me the wind has definitely turned amongst them for anything Apple. It is definitely uncool - this Christmas all the desirable tech they want is Android powered, whether its Samsung, HTC, Sony or even the new Tesco tablet.

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'I'm BIG, I'm BALD and I'm LOUD!' Blubbering Ballmer admits HE was Microsoft's problem

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

He did a great job

The whole computing industry thanks you for destroying microsoft.

August last year isn't too late to get into mobile. In the first edition of Bill Gates 1994 Road Ahead book, the word "internet" appeared twice. With such visionary leadership - including your own iPhone predictions - it is a puzzle why Microsoft bombed so hard.

Anyway, now youv'e finally heard of mobile and the guy you sent to rape Nokia is back home, you can get him to use the $2bn a year you extort from Android to come up with something people might notice.

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Microsoft advertises Surface, Excel with maths mistake

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The gift that keeps on giving

Don't worry microsoft, no matter how much you continually screw up your own products you've still got $2bn per year from extorting money from one you can never hope to come close to in a biilion years.

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Apple admits to Mavericks iWork cockup, promises rescue

Bob Vistakin
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You're iWorking it wrong

Hats off to the Reg for their continued reporting of what's a happened to the quality of Apples entire product range since the demise of St Steve.

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Fury as OS X Mavericks users FORCED to sync contact books with iCloud

Bob Vistakin
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Nanny knows best

Are they charging the iSheep more for this superior user experience? They should - they are the most gullible in the business and can be easily convinced this is better for them.

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Microsoft founder Paul Allen's money man wants Redmond to break up

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: "bin for Bing"

I do believe the microsoft shills round here are following a script. Why just last week when the painful reminder of Uncle Festers "Linux is a cancer" rant came up, they all piped up right on cue, with some pathetic argument about it all being in the past so it doesn't count - similar to this Bing copies Google one, in fact. Well the article on Googles official blog hasn't changed in the almost 3 years since it was written so I'd say it's as much a certainty as it is hilarious watching the apologists try to squirm out of it each time it's brought up.

Which it will be again, I'd warrant.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: "bin for Bing"

Mind you, it could mean they develop a search engine of their own instead of merely throwing up a script kiddie wrapper round a real one.

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Google and Samsung bare teeth in battle for LANDFILL ANDROID™

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Phone Dialler

There's a windows phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Sony forcasts 42m Android Xperias sales in 2013.

Sure a Brite yellow "look-at-me-I'm" Loonier wasn't just a little more tempting?

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It's NOT an iPad - but that's FINE: I learned to LOVE Microsoft's Surface 2

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

Huh? Does not compute

A Pro microsoft piece.

Quick, someone's done a DNS hijack on theregister.co.uk.

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Microsoft holds nose, shoves Windows into Android, iOS boxes

Bob Vistakin
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Re: So .... the lie comes full circle.

@AC 11:56

Gosh, I didn't realize there was a time limit on this. Please do let us know how you get on with the masses when you pardon the likes of Hitler, Ian Brady, Tony Blair etc for their evil acts against humanity, merely because they happened before some imaginary cut off date you conveniently pulled out your ass by way of a comedy "argument".

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Bob Vistakin
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So .... the lie comes full circle.

"Linux is a cancer". Oh, wait.... that damn linux is powering Android, which is doing a fair bit better than us these days - in fact it's our only mobile revenue stream. Well, these are desperate times, so let's try to infect it with our shit and hope no-one notices.

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Apple slams brakes on orders of (not so cheap) plasticky iPhone 5C

Bob Vistakin
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Re: @ Bob Vistakin - No surprise

@andreas koch

Oh how useful selective amnesia can be when you choose to use it. With all this focus on the details of the number of cogs in your posh watch etc, it's almost too easy to forget wer'e dealing with the assholes who claimed to have invented the rounded corner, the sliding bolt (of the kind used in the Pyramids) and more recently the revolving door.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: No surprise

Yet iOS7 is a cheap copy of Android. Clearly, this word "cheap" must be going through some kind of reality distortion field.

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Will you strap on a Google KitKat 4.4 smartwatch this month?

Bob Vistakin
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"Apple's rumoured smartwatch is still nowhere to be seen"

So, the usual "copy, launch, sue" pattern from those who claim they Think Different.

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Best Buy: Bring us your cowering, unwanted Microsoft Surface masses

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

All depends how easy the Microsoft label is to scratch off

Otherwise, everyone who sees you with one will think you're the same butty short of a picnic as the losers with one that's unmodified.

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Samsung touching up ROUNDED, CURVY plastic enhanced MODEL

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

This also highlights the only advantage iPhone users have

They get to see what the iPhone in two years time will look like by just checking out todays top end Android models - hardware and software.

Cupertinos photocopiers worked hard today. Again.

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Microsoft store staff to hold all night vigil for Surface 2

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Microsoft Surface - the one used only by those forced to

It's so obvious that anyone with a choice avoids Microsoft, it hurts.

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Nokia tears devs' hearts out, shutters Symbian and Meego stores early

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Windows Phone is the only burning platform

Always was, always will be. :-(

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Microsoft: We're nearly OUT OF STOCK of Surface 2 and Pro 2

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: So...

Microsoft make tablets? Gosh - I wonder why no-one knows about this. Next you'll be saying they have a search engine of their own, rather than merely throwing a script kiddie wrapper round someone elses.

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Two years after Steve Jobs' death, how's that new CEO working out?

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Apple

Well, that's the messenger well and truly shot.

Time to reload, things are about to get busy.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Apple

New boss, new handsets and yet their users are *still* holding it wrong.

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You're either mighty brave or mighty stupid. So which is it, Twitter?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Only twats tweet

And when everyone using it wakes up to this and shuffles away, embarrassed, this fantastic "business" running at nearly a half billion dollar loss is toast.

What a crazy world we live in.

#emporersnewclothes

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British support for fracking largely unmoved by knowledge of downsides

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Just maybe

Surely no-one important is at risk here since its all going to take place in some desolate region the MP's of London, who decided all this, in somewhere called "Newcastle" way oop near Scotland?

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Hackers just POURING through unpatched Internet Explorer zero-day hole

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Shit browser gets hacked

Phew, its only ie so no-one noticed.

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Redmond expands fanboi trade-in program to include iPhones

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Stay away - Windows Phone is a Burning Platform

It's about to get the Flop treatment.

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Apple iOS 7 makes some users literally SICK. As in puking, not upset

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: A split personality release

Cheap copies of the market leader usually has this effect.

A quick drive across an airport runway will fix it..

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iOS 7 SPANKS Samsung's Android in user-experience rating

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Agreed - this is as impartial as an Orlowski microsoft piece.

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Ellison ditches own cloud keynote for billionaires' America's Cup boat race

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Oracle and another mass exodus? There's a pattern here

This asshole tried to sue Google and lost.

The inevitable result: Is anyone even aware it's JavaOne this week? Last time I caught their podcast (2012), even the Java Posse were openly saying they were considering skipping it now. More fail evidence? The JavaOne app is for ... Android and iPhone.

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Samsung's new image sensor promises better snaps in smaller devices

Bob Vistakin
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The iPhone will have that in 2 years time

Oh wait ... Jobs has gone - make that 3 years. And it'll just show black squares.

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Chaos Computer Club: iPhone 5S finger-sniffer COMPROMISED

Bob Vistakin
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You're fingerprinting it wrong

Can't these stupid users get anything right?

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Microsoft: Surface a failure? No, it made us STRONGER

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: We alienated our partners, wrote off $900m, and were the laughingstock of the industry...

Here's some illuminating commentary on Windows 8.

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El Reg seeks new mobile, wireless tech writer - could it be YOU?

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The names VistaKin - Bob VistaKin

I offer impartial mobile reporting specifically in the quality segment of the market, and some microsoft stuff too.

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Ex-CEO Elop's plunder to total $25m in voyage from Nokia to Microsoft

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: yawn...

Burning platform my fucking arse.

That bastard set fire to it himself knowing, no, *ensuring* this is how it would turn out.

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Apple CEO Cook: 'We're not in the junk business'

Bob Vistakin
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Hey speaking of junk

Will these iPhones run Apples own comedy map software or are they sticking with the professionals?

And has everyone missed the fact that Apple has been forced to apologise more times than a Lib Dem leader. Gosh, just found another. And we mustn't forget the apology for apologising wrong.

Apple - the comedy gift that just keeps on giving.

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