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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

913 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Future Apple gumble could lock fanbois out of their own devices

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're securing it wrong

There - fixed the customer support message to everyone who falls foul of this.

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What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Why the colour screen?

I'm puzzled here. The elephant in the room is clearly the daily charging requirement, yet it's promoted as being "glanceable" and only for micro interactions, like short messages etc. So why is the biggest battery drainer by a country mile wasted showing this minimal information on a colour high res screen? Isn't it really obvious a kindle style display should be used?

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I/O NOOOOO!!! We sat through Google's bum numbing 3-hour keynote so you didn't have to

Bob Vistakin
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AKA Apples WWDC of 2018

The photocopiers and lawyers in Cupertino have stirred again - after all, "copy then sue" is their official company policy.

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Microsoft tests HALF-INCH second screen to spur workplace play

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Ahh, bless 'em

Having only just heard of the smartphone, microsoft see the big players like Google, Apple and Samsung all bringing out wearables and realize they are as usual a decade away from catching up. So here's their quick n dirty "me too" offering they hope no-one will see through...

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Surprise Android 'KitKat' update fixes nasty OpenSSL vuln

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Huh?

Why does a minor update today prevent a major update being announced next week?

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Apple settles ebook price-fixing damages lawsuit with US states

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Errr

Yes, because Apple is never humiliated in public, even when they apologize wrong and are forced to do it again.

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UBER UBER ALLES: Investors value ride app at $17 BEEELLION

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Unter

But they've bought those politicians so they can introduce a licensing scam, sorry scheme, and guess who's the only one on the guestlist?

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TANGO DOWN! Google presents its 3D non-fondle slab to the world

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Apple

Just started their photocopiers.

Expect theirs in 5 years, followed by the inevitable lawsuit a year later.

It's their official company policy.

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Developers: Your chance to get hands on with Microsoft Azure

Bob Vistakin
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Samsung WRISTPHONE – for those who wanna whisper to strap-ons

Bob Vistakin
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Re: ...Aaaaand

Dick Tracy? One mans innovation is another's mere scouring history and then hiring more expensive lawyers.

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Bing's the thing in Microsoft's push for cheap Windows devices

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

Microsoft makes a -$5 dollar contribution to every Android handset sold in extortion fees - does that count?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

@Blarkon Like this one?

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Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

Is this a competition to stick the most synonyms for "shit" you can in the same sentence?

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Google is tech industry and world's most valuable brand as Apple rots

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Interesting that the Chinese beat Microsoft

It's almost as if they have a plan.

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So you reckon Nokia-wielding Microsoft can't beat off Apple?

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Speaking of myths...

Lemme help you out with that.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: The reason Nokia lost

"None of those phones until the iPhone had a full browser."

The Sony Ericsson P800 from 2002 did.

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Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

This mythical Microsoft Phone you speak of

It really sounds intriguing. Let us know when it launches so I can check it out.

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Windows Phone Live: An enterprise story

Bob Vistakin
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You can trust Microsoft

To always be the "me too" players in computing. Lemme guess - costs twice as much as the competition but does half as much, but since they target the usual fat cat brown-paper-bag-stuffed-with-cash decision makers, like councils etc, they have no need to worry about sales. Of whatever it is they are selling here.

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Charity: Ta for the free Win 8.1, Microsoft – we'll use it to install Win 7

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: I say chaps, I don't think that you understand what you are supposed to do here.

Never forget the real comedy aspect of the damage Windows 8.1 is doing to Microsoft: it's all self-inflicted.

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Nokia Camera guru: I'm finished being Finnish, and off to 'the company you're thinking of'

Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

They didn't "poach" him

He just jumped off the burning platform.

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Microsoft may launch several new Surfaces on May 20 – report

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Dear Microsoft

Netflix? Try again - it was IE, A piece of software Microsoft has been developing for 15 years that has become officially shit.

That video is always worth watching. The majestic sweep of the arm, the confident proclamation, the triumphant tone in the voice as he shows the world how "I'm running Internet Explorer", at which point it hilariously freezes up.

A textbook comedy lesson in perfect timing, from the gift that just keeps on giving.

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Bob Vistakin
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"I've only ever seen a couple of Surfaces in the wild."

Same here

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Dear Microsoft

Try here.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

"4.4 per cent of the market"

Jeepers.

That's called floor noise by Google. And here's me trying my hardest to spot a windows phone in the wild.

Any day now, I'm sure...

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LinkedIn killing CardMunch biz-card scanning app

Bob Vistakin
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Terminator

The real reason

Hands up those who even knew this existed.

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Microsoft: You know we said NO MORE XP PATCHES? Well ...

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: This of Course has...

IE can be used for something other than downloading Chrome?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Microsoft: The comedy gift

That just keeps on giving.

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Nokia, new CEO Rajeev Suri, and BEELLIONS of euros burning a hole in the bank

Bob Vistakin
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What next? How about fixing IE?

Because its now officially shit.

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Windows Phone: Just as well Microsoft bought an Android maker, RIGHT?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: It's OK everyone.

Correct.

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Last call: Getting Started with Microsoft Azure – TODAY at 9.30am

Bob Vistakin
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Be careful

"Today" might not mean what you think it means.

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Nokia halts sales of Lumia 2520 Win RT tablet over zap-happy charger

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Shocker.

Yup - always wise to keep a spare.

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Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update

Bob Vistakin
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"a thread of gripes on user site WPCentral has reached almost 1,000 comments in three days"

That's because the Microsoft shills are all here! Quick, scurry off to downvote/delete/apologise or whatever over in your own back yard...

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Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Damned if you do

Ahh yes, I remember the days of BBS's on 9600 baud dialup. It's nice to see they are still in use for low traffic requirements such as this, but clearly here more than one simultaneous user was considered so unlikely it wasn't even tested.

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Bob Vistakin
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"Risk wrecking their phones" ???

How the fuck do you wreck such an unusable car crash as a Windows phone?

That's like asking visitors to a sewage farm not to fart or it'll make the place smell bad.

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Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: LOL

The comedy gift that just keeps on giving.

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Microsoft CEO Nadella names his Xbox and Cloud OVERLORDS

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

So Flop gets to ruin the phone business, again

This guy just keeps leaping about those infernal burning platforms

Mind you, the new Nokia "ConFuze" is sure to be a hit.

Q. It looks like a Windows phone. Does it run Windows phone apps?

A. No

Q. I hear it runs Android. Can I load apps from the Play Store then?

A. No

Q. It's from Nokia - it must run the decades of Nokia Symbian software that made them so big then?

A. No

Q. I see it has BlackBerry stuff on it - does it run BlackBerry software?

A. No

WTF? Well, you sure ConFuzed me...

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

And in a shock twist, a name from the past is now in charge of Office

Welcome back Clippy!

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FINALLY Microsoft releases Office for iPad – but wait there's a CATCH

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Typical Microsoft

"Microsoft's permanently extended middle digit"

Applause! Well played sir :-)

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Microsoft frisks yet another Android gear maker for patent dosh

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Dell does build Android slabs

Microsofts motto: do be evil.

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HP bypasses Microsoft in device-as-a-service assault

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: The Curse of HP

Bollocks.

Bypassing Microsoft is always a smart move, no matter what the circumstances.

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The plot to kill Google cloud: We'll rename Windows Azure to MICROSOFT Azure

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Money well spent

Marketing is far more important than getting the basics right.

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PM Cameron leaps aboard Internet of Thingies

Bob Vistakin
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I'd been waiting for the new series of The Thick Of It

Here's the tired old textbook example of some clueless politician being told what bandwaggon to jump on by his spads, and as usual just making a prat of himself to those in the know. He's as much cred as Gordon Brown telling us he's an Arctic Monkeys fan, as if that could ever happen. Oh, wait...

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Not just for Glasswipes: Google to drop SDK for all Android wearables

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

If they put this in the back of your boxer shorts

Would it make you a SmartArse?

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Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Well done El Reg

A virtual one for me too. Even if I could make it to the smoke, I'd prefer that to the warm pissed-in dishwater known throughout the world as London beer :-)

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Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Lesson number 1: The idiots you're relying on for your cloud services literally don't know what fucking day it is.

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Windows XP market share GROWS AGAIN, outstrips Win 8.1 surge

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: That has got to be embarrassing for Microsoft

And it's about to get a whole lot worse in mobile. Spot the pattern: Microsoft write new OS, which is shit. Users avoid it. Microsoft spends zillions marketing it. Users still avoid it. Microsofts last resort is to go nuclear to force users to use it.

Now think about mobile. Microsoft launches shit OS ... repeat as above, except the new popular OS everyone wants is Android on Nokia kit. Android on Nokia proves a massive hit so Microsoft then ...?

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HTC One grabs BEST SMARTPHONE gong

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

James Cordon doing awards *again*? Whaddaguy.

Did he say "make it so?"

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Nokia to Devs: PLEASE DON'T make Nokiadroid apps look like WinPho

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: It's not a feeder for Windows Phone

"12% in the UK"

I'll have some of what you're smoking. You've obviously got a bit more than your fellow shill yesterday telling us it was 10%.

You really expect people to believe over 1 in every 10 smartphone users are on windows when they can see it's plainly untrue just by looking around them during the day?

And I've *stlill* not seen a windows mobile in the wild yet. heck, at this rate the first will be one of these windroids, and at these prices it will be because I'll be buying it, assuming I can load Cyanogen onto it, natch.

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Nokia launches Android range: X marks the growing low-cost spot

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Re: You guys are biased

Me want brite yello one.

Me stand out with brite yello cheap fone.

People point at me when I pull out brite yello phone.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: NOKIA SHOULD MAKE ANDROID

Hmm .. I wonder if there's any connection between Elop not getting the CEO job and him allowing this to happen whilst installed as Ballmers trojan.

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