* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1376 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

This local council paid HOW MUCH for an SD card?!

Bob Vistakin
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Gimp

I thought I was the only one that applied to - cheers!

On the other hand, if you work for one of these councils the pay is so crap your time is effectively worthless, so whatever bungs you can get really do count.

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'I urge everyone to fight back' – woman wins $10k from Microsoft over Windows 10 misery

Bob Vistakin
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Meh

Re: Let the lawsuits begin

Now you mention it, there was a weather forecast a while back which I'm sure some convoluted reason could be concocted for a business to rely on, which was royally screwed by exactly the same thing.

Straight face icon in case this actually turns out to happen.

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IT consultant gets 4 years' porridge for tax fraud

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: I'm not condoning his actions....

Yet the punishment for fiddling your porn and stealing £100k+ if you're an MP is just to pretend to apologise, being allowed to keep the loot of course.

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Thunder struck: Apple kills off display line

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

"Cupertino idiot tax racket"

How do you upvote an entire article?

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PM resigns as Britain votes to leave EU

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Didn't confound me, Andrew

Although 42 Microsoft apologists disagreed.

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Microsoft cancels Remain speech after death of Labour MP

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: That's settled then

Told you so.

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

That's settled then

If microsoft vote for it, you know its a shit idea.

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Let's Encrypt in trademark drama

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Let's boycott

Comodo.

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Germany: If Brits vote to Remain, we'll admit Hurst's 1966 goal was a goal

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: See what can happen when you work together?

Turns out he's such a wanker someone on the actual boat he told the struggling fishermen to fuck off from has changed from voting in to out! Way to go asshole, why couldn't you have been more prominent from the start?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: So now Scotland suddenly swings to vote leave

Inspired by the commitment of the luvvies.

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: See what can happen when you work together?

The Ethiopeans certainly love Geldof.

I asked Bob Keating, a superb young investigative reporter who had just started working with us, to look into this for a story. The assignment was simple — all this money had been raised, where was it going, was it actually doing good?

He discovered it was not doing good, but, horrifically, unimaginably, the exact opposite. The Ethiopian dictator, Mengistu, until then deadlocked in the war, was using the money the west gave him to buy sophisticated weapons from the Russians, and was now able to efficiently and viciously crush the opposition. Ethiopia, then the third poorest country in the world, suddenly had the largest, best equipped army on the African continent.

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When Capita job ads go BAD

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Hertfordshite?!?

I didn't make it up! Galaxy S7, Google Maps, sat nav mode, default female voice, US locale. Clearly pronounced as the two separate words. Around Christmas thinking about it.

It's just so good I wish I was smart enough to make that one up.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Hertfordshite?!?

Driving through Lancashire recently the Sat Nav merrily proclaimed in an American accent to head for Clit Hero. Gosh, that place sounds fun - shame I'm a bloke and couldn't find it. My mate reckons its somewhere near the middle of Scunthorpe, but he's no expert either.

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Tor torpedoed! Tesco Bank app won't run with privacy tool installed

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: Security risk?

This is but one small step away from the Tesco App not running unless you have a Tesco SIM in your handset.

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Lester Haines: RIP

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Part of the furniture

RIP man - you made a huge difference.

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Cats understand the laws of physics, researchers claim

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: I "proved" this back in 1974

What's the difference between "understanding" and "instinctively reacting due to evolutionary survival mutations"?

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Man dies after UK police Taser shooting

Bob Vistakin
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Black Helicopters

Re: Moderator comment

Yes, facts please. Like the fact the IPCC found that the police officer who tasered a blind pensioner in the back whilst walking away from him was NOT incompetent, and can now distinguish such individuals from young maniacs with Samurai swords.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Although Tasers were introduced as non-lethal weapons.....

Was he blind?

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Outsourcery to perform ULTIMATE outsource as it enters administration

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The empty chair

It's 2013. A silence descends. The door at the far end of the bare bones-empty warehouse opens. The four figures in their equidistant chairs remain perfectly still as a figure enters through. It is a man. An outsourcery man. He stops a few feet in front of them - a crazy mismatched assortment comprising of a grizzled Scottish pensioner with dyed hair and a permanent scowl, a ten foot toff with his nose skywards and a couple more wannabees. Pointedly, an empty chair is directly in front of him, in line with the others seated.

He begins.

(Nervous cough) "Hello Dragons. My name is Piers, and I'm here today to offer 0% return on a £20m investment. My plan is to fill that chair there by conning you and the TV producers into thinking I have some credibility. My USP is that I'll choose the latest thing in tech which none of you know anything about, but is getting super hyped so you'll appear to be cool and down with the kids by association. The beauty is you and the TV people don't need to know anything technical because I've been practicing my straight face routine with Vodafone for years - I know I can surely pull it off in front of the cameras. Ratings will soar because the audience will see how progressive you are in keeping up with the times - all the old money like hotels from Jock here brings was looking a bit dated. Just jump on the bandwaggon with Piers, and it'll all work out right in the end."

(Fill in the rest yourselves...)

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Java API judge tells Oracle to suck it up, quit whining about the jury

Bob Vistakin
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Joke

Re: @Bob Vistaken

@Tin99 Yeah! I'm quite proud of the fall '93 Yggdrasil CD I can see on a shelf as I write this. Last time I popped it in for a shufties it had the pre 1.0 Linux alpha binaries on.

I remember when I got it at the time thinking '94 will be the year of Linux on the desktop.

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Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Alright, for the nit pickers, s/Linux/Obvious Unix derivative Apple gave their usual rounded corners treatment to

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

The entire mobile market has slipped through their fingers in front of their eyes.

It was within their power to do exactly what Google did - revamp a java UI layer on top of a Linux kernel. They didn't even need any hardware. The difference was, they had a massive head start with JavaME - all it needed was a modern makeover and they are done. Had the done this, ownership of java as well would have killed Android, in the form it took, stone dead. Boy, they must be pissed at this. Even the iPhone is basically just a custom UI layer on Linux, although there's no java involved. Trying to salvage something after the horse has bolted via the courts is just pathetic, and the whole industry can see this.

The fact the judge is having none of their whining is just causing them more pain. See icon.

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PC market sinking even faster than first thought, thanks to Windows 10

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

"... stable volume in 2018"

When Android Desktop will be in full flow.

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Bin Apple's $500m patent judgment, US DoJ tells Supreme Court

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: What am I missing?

My first thoughts exactly. Plus Google hedging their bets.

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Microsoft's mobile device management meltdown

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Feet - shooting. Same old same old.

The icon says all.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Re: What really happened

The gift that keeps on giving.

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Is Windows 10 ignoring sysadmins' network QoS settings?

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Microsoft/Akamai?

"thrice-cursed upgrades"

Have an upvote.

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Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

Bob Vistakin
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Meh

Re: Missed one

5 Get a high court super injunction

The problem with that though is it's just like a candle in the wind - it's no sacrifice on todays internet where sorry seems to be the hardest word.

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European Patent Office blocks staff reading critical articles at work

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Direct decendant of Marie A?

Pointless, unless the Streisand Effect is actually what they want. All the employees have smartphones, so they can just access the site through their carrier, using the three fingers they are not using to send a message to their employers, of course.

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Dragons' Den-run cloud biz Outsourcery close to sale – sources

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Made for each other

Keep up the good work.

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Verizon! to! bid! $3bn! for! Yahoo!'s assets!

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Dammit

At these prices it looks like I'll need a new spambucket email address.

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That didn't take long: Shareholders sue Oracle in 'fake cloud sales' row

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: auditors SEC, mere formalities

You might be right, after all its only 5 minutes ago this ellison asshole was doing a Blamer on the whole idea of the cloud. This accounting fiddle just sounds like part of their desperate scramble to catch up, and we all know how that's gonna play out.

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New Android tricks for modern malware licks

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: And mobile vendors continue to ignore updates

Even the name and shame approach can't catch 0-days like these.

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Microsoft thinks it's fixed Windows Server mess its last fix 'fixed'

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

I'm flabbergasted

It's 2016 and there are people *really* using windows as a server? Wow. Does Clippy set up the accounts for them?

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Even in remotest Africa, Windows 10 nagware ruins your day: Update burns satellite link cash

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Perhaps a petition might help.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Tut tut tut

Tuttity fucking tut.

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Want a job that pays at least $90,000 a year? Get into ransomware

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The HQ of a global ransomware operation has been identified

You must have see this open goal coming ;-)

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Windows 10 market share jumps two per cent

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: PC upgrades were compelling...

Well surely Office in the car will save them? What could possibly go wrong with that? After the mandatory multiyear microsoft delay its once again something they've just begun their usual comedy catch up act with.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

The carrot and the stick

You are spot on. You can smell their desperation.

Microsoft predicted the decline of the new PC market, where traditionally all their windows license sales came from. They knew it was being displaced by mobile, so someone took the strategic decision to let Blamer handle it for in the crucial decade all this was playing out. Hence they are in todays position of not only being nuked out of that market, but scrambling round to try to squeeze money from their existing PC users, because as we've just seen the number of new ones is declining dramatically. Forcing W10 down the throats of their current customers is about the only option.

In their minds they think they've tried the carrot and are just now turning to the stick. Users would disagree with the former.

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Outsourcery: We've had offers for our assets (and, er, shareholders might get nothing)

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

I'm out

With nowt.

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Microsoft mops up after Outlook.com drowns in tsunami of penis pills, Russian brides etc

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

The spam from microsoft is terrible

My Dearest Kind Friend,

I am contacting you today regarding a substantial asset available which must be disposed of with the utmost sensitivity. Today, the asset is seen as extremely valuable but a select few insiders know it is set to become worthless in the very near future, when it will be replaced with a system going by the codename "Penguin". Before this information becomes widely known, it will be possible to sell off via my associates if I can secure the assistance of a neutral unknown party such as your kind self. The assets full name cannot be disclosed yet - it has the codename WX - in case this information leaks and the value deteriorates even further. I assure you with great trust there are many people with the misguided belief this will actually increase in value, so time is of the essence.

Please kindly reply kindly with your kind agreement, you kind person you

Yours

Reverend Covered Inpiss

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'Windows 10 nagware: You can't click X. Make a date OR ELSE'

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Re: What date is good for you?

Would a spare $90k fix it?

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Microsoft's Universal Windows Platform? It's an uphill battle, warns key partner

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Microsoft needs to realise...

Well, now they have no mobile platform of their own they have to turn to others to find users to piss off.

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The Windows Phone story: From hope to dusty abandonware

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

This is what consolidation looks like

Paypal tells Blackberry, Windows Phone and Amazon Fire the partys over.

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Surface Book nightmare: Microsoft won't fix 'Sleep of Death' bug

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Can I just say

How much I've enjoyed all El Regs stories on the beast this week?

It's been epic, thanks a million..

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$10bn Oracle v Google copyright jury verdict: Google wins, Java APIs in Android are Fair Use

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Congratulations Google

I think there were some smart moves from Google here. For example, how on earth do you get the idea of what this is about over to the common man? It's very difficult to explain without getting into coding details. So, they brought up the idea of a food menu. Say it has burgers, fries and drinks on it. That's a generic menu - the kind of thing you see outside burger joints. Then you consider actual food using this and you have McDonalds version of a burger called a "Big Mac", whereas Burger Kings are called "Whoppers" - and the same variation for the other foods, and other burger joints. Clearly the "Big Mac" is an actual specific burger that McDonalds has invested billions in the branding and development of, and they quite rightly own every detail of it, and so do Burger King for theirs. It is, however, merely a burger.

So this is trying to claim you own this generic food menu, the result being every vendor from these global conglomerates to the hot dog cart outside your local football ground must then pay you to use. When put like that...

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: @tekHedd - I haven't downvoted a post in a long time...

@Anonymous Coward

"stuff.stuff.stuff.stuff()"

I wish this server would give me a lot less information about what's going wrong. I love Googling "" to see if anyone else has had this error in this situation, Googling "stuff.stuff.stuff.stuff()" let's me find the answer right away, and I'm an Oracle consultant paid £250 an hour.

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90 days of Android sales almost beat 9 months' worth for all flavours of Win 10

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Even the BBC thinks microsoft are assholes

Sigh.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Microsoft is finished

What a waste. Even though there ain't half been some clever bastards behind windows mobile, I don't think microsoft employees will find many reasons to be cheerful at its demise.

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Troll seeks toll because iPhones work

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: What do you use a phone for if not to make voice calls?

Oh dear, looks like the worlds first smartphone, released in 2000 was capable of making ... phone calls. Let's hope Apple quote this in their defence, after all, prior art is so useful when it suits them.

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