* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1349 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

Bob Vistakin
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Meh

Re: Missed one

5 Get a high court super injunction

The problem with that though is it's just like a candle in the wind - it's no sacrifice on todays internet where sorry seems to be the hardest word.

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European Patent Office blocks staff reading critical articles at work

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Direct decendant of Marie A?

Pointless, unless the Streisand Effect is actually what they want. All the employees have smartphones, so they can just access the site through their carrier, using the three fingers they are not using to send a message to their employers, of course.

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Dragons' Den-run cloud biz Outsourcery close to sale – sources

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Made for each other

Keep up the good work.

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Verizon! to! bid! $3bn! for! Yahoo!'s assets!

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Dammit

At these prices it looks like I'll need a new spambucket email address.

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That didn't take long: Shareholders sue Oracle in 'fake cloud sales' row

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: auditors SEC, mere formalities

You might be right, after all its only 5 minutes ago this ellison asshole was doing a Blamer on the whole idea of the cloud. This accounting fiddle just sounds like part of their desperate scramble to catch up, and we all know how that's gonna play out.

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New Android tricks for modern malware licks

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: And mobile vendors continue to ignore updates

Even the name and shame approach can't catch 0-days like these.

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Microsoft thinks it's fixed Windows Server mess its last fix 'fixed'

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

I'm flabbergasted

It's 2016 and there are people *really* using windows as a server? Wow. Does Clippy set up the accounts for them?

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Even in remotest Africa, Windows 10 nagware ruins your day: Update burns satellite link cash

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Perhaps a petition might help.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Tut tut tut

Tuttity fucking tut.

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Want a job that pays at least $90,000 a year? Get into ransomware

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The HQ of a global ransomware operation has been identified

You must have see this open goal coming ;-)

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Windows 10 market share jumps two per cent

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: PC upgrades were compelling...

Well surely Office in the car will save them? What could possibly go wrong with that? After the mandatory multiyear microsoft delay its once again something they've just begun their usual comedy catch up act with.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

The carrot and the stick

You are spot on. You can smell their desperation.

Microsoft predicted the decline of the new PC market, where traditionally all their windows license sales came from. They knew it was being displaced by mobile, so someone took the strategic decision to let Blamer handle it for in the crucial decade all this was playing out. Hence they are in todays position of not only being nuked out of that market, but scrambling round to try to squeeze money from their existing PC users, because as we've just seen the number of new ones is declining dramatically. Forcing W10 down the throats of their current customers is about the only option.

In their minds they think they've tried the carrot and are just now turning to the stick. Users would disagree with the former.

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Outsourcery: We've had offers for our assets (and, er, shareholders might get nothing)

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

I'm out

With nowt.

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Microsoft mops up after Outlook.com drowns in tsunami of penis pills, Russian brides etc

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

The spam from microsoft is terrible

My Dearest Kind Friend,

I am contacting you today regarding a substantial asset available which must be disposed of with the utmost sensitivity. Today, the asset is seen as extremely valuable but a select few insiders know it is set to become worthless in the very near future, when it will be replaced with a system going by the codename "Penguin". Before this information becomes widely known, it will be possible to sell off via my associates if I can secure the assistance of a neutral unknown party such as your kind self. The assets full name cannot be disclosed yet - it has the codename WX - in case this information leaks and the value deteriorates even further. I assure you with great trust there are many people with the misguided belief this will actually increase in value, so time is of the essence.

Please kindly reply kindly with your kind agreement, you kind person you

Yours

Reverend Covered Inpiss

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'Windows 10 nagware: You can't click X. Make a date OR ELSE'

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Re: What date is good for you?

Would a spare $90k fix it?

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Microsoft's Universal Windows Platform? It's an uphill battle, warns key partner

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Microsoft needs to realise...

Well, now they have no mobile platform of their own they have to turn to others to find users to piss off.

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The Windows Phone story: From hope to dusty abandonware

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

This is what consolidation looks like

Paypal tells Blackberry, Windows Phone and Amazon Fire the partys over.

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Surface Book nightmare: Microsoft won't fix 'Sleep of Death' bug

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Can I just say

How much I've enjoyed all El Regs stories on the beast this week?

It's been epic, thanks a million..

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$10bn Oracle v Google copyright jury verdict: Google wins, Java APIs in Android are Fair Use

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Congratulations Google

I think there were some smart moves from Google here. For example, how on earth do you get the idea of what this is about over to the common man? It's very difficult to explain without getting into coding details. So, they brought up the idea of a food menu. Say it has burgers, fries and drinks on it. That's a generic menu - the kind of thing you see outside burger joints. Then you consider actual food using this and you have McDonalds version of a burger called a "Big Mac", whereas Burger Kings are called "Whoppers" - and the same variation for the other foods, and other burger joints. Clearly the "Big Mac" is an actual specific burger that McDonalds has invested billions in the branding and development of, and they quite rightly own every detail of it, and so do Burger King for theirs. It is, however, merely a burger.

So this is trying to claim you own this generic food menu, the result being every vendor from these global conglomerates to the hot dog cart outside your local football ground must then pay you to use. When put like that...

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: @tekHedd - I haven't downvoted a post in a long time...

@Anonymous Coward

"stuff.stuff.stuff.stuff()"

I wish this server would give me a lot less information about what's going wrong. I love Googling "" to see if anyone else has had this error in this situation, Googling "stuff.stuff.stuff.stuff()" let's me find the answer right away, and I'm an Oracle consultant paid £250 an hour.

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90 days of Android sales almost beat 9 months' worth for all flavours of Win 10

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Even the BBC thinks microsoft are assholes

Sigh.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Microsoft is finished

What a waste. Even though there ain't half been some clever bastards behind windows mobile, I don't think microsoft employees will find many reasons to be cheerful at its demise.

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Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Re: Symbian

@ShaolinTurbo All that, plus mobile Clippy as the UI, and I'm in.

Btw typo in orig post, of course I meant "but likely a Nokia/Samsung" ...

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Symbian

In 2011 microsoft were deciding whether to go with Android. They chose not to, and eventually bought, raped and murdered Nokia. They are now completely irrelevant in mobile.

There are two fascinating what-ifs around this. First, had Nokia been able to resist them, and release their own Android phone, we'd not see the massive Samsung Android dominance we have today, but likely a Nokia/Android equal split with both more than capable of innovating and delivering the quality needed to keep ahead.

The other one is Symbian. Don't laugh - this is 2011 days. Given that microsoft decided to go their own way anyway, what would have happened if they had done this but instead used the massive engineering resource they just bought to further develop Symbian to the point it had the same iOS/Android features? Would we today see the duopoly, with microsofts own at < 1%, or would "Microsoft Symbian" be a realistic 3rd contender with all the mindset, ecosystem leverage and brand loyalty that came with it, if handled right?

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Troll seeks toll because iPhones work

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: What do you use a phone for if not to make voice calls?

Oh dear, looks like the worlds first smartphone, released in 2000 was capable of making ... phone calls. Let's hope Apple quote this in their defence, after all, prior art is so useful when it suits them.

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Cock fight? Not half. Microsoft beats down Apple in Q1

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The majestic sweep of the arm never gets old

Does it run Internet Explorer yet?

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Wayne Rooney razzles in X-Men: Apocalypse plug

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Just keep him away from any old folks homes and you'll be OK

Oh, and Donald Trumps wigmaker.

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Chrome OS to get Android apps via the magic of containers

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: And for their next trick...

The new DOOM contains a working piano and a drum machine.

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The Windows 10 future: Imagine a boot stamping on an upgrade treadmill forever

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Here's the Windows 10 future I see ... it will be used to download Android desktop

Right on cue.

As more and more pieces are put in place here, shuffled around there, the end goal becomes clearer every day.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Here's the Windows 10 future I see ... it will be used to download Android desktop

Every day more and more legs are kicked out from under the once mighty microsoft. They must despair watching their empire crumble, even though they keep very quiet about it, for example the way it's trying to wrap up its comedy antics in the mobile space.

Who'd have thought the desktop OS market would open up again, and all entirely of their own doing.

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Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

Here's the Windows 10 future I see ... it will be used to download Android desktop

We've seen the start of the Android Desktop releases, now there's an actual PC out. This sounds like the timeframe needed to ramp them up and refine them will match exactly the one needed for Windows 10 to die. Imagine what that'll be like when Google start pushing their own...

Mark my words. There is a piece of software coming which will send Redmond into a bigger panic than Camerons aids when he mentions he's thinking of helping rural farmers by holding a photo shoot in a pig sty. Things are not mature enough for it to be needed yet, but when they are, this is what everyone will be talking about. You heard it here first, folks. It's the Windows -> Android desktop migration suite.

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How Nokia is (and isn't) back in the phone business today

Bob Vistakin
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Coat

Splain this then

Here's that Microsoft commitment to mobile you mentioned.

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Bob Vistakin
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HSBC swinging axe on UK IT department, 840 heads to roll

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The Hongkong and Shanghai Banking Corporation is offshoring?

How many head-up-ass iterations does it take to figure that one out?

Perhaps we could ask some of those affected.

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I'm in, says insolvency expert, grabs chair on board of Dragons’ Den star's firm

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

What else do you expect when your entire business model consists of jumping on the latest tech bandwagon, lying to your customers and hoping they won't talk to each other so you can keep on conning the next set of mugs you deal with.

Outsourcery aren't much better, either.

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Google open sources Thread in bid to win IoT standards war

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: "Google is not a closed eco-system kind of company"

All the big name IoT players are in that article - it covers things well and the upcoming battles will be very interesting.

Just to reinforce the state of the industry, when viewing it press Ctrl-F and type "microsoft".

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Official: Microsoft's 'Get Windows 10' nagware to vanish from PCs in July

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

Serious question

All things considered, is Windows 10 worse than Vista?

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Removed How?

Microsoft have said they want Windows 10 to be the last windows ever, and just constantly update it online.

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Microsoft half-bricks Asus Windows 7 PCs with UEFI boot glitch

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Gosh, Microsoft screws up an existing installation they found to be not running Windows 10.

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The 'new' Microsoft? I still wouldn't touch them with a barge pole

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Shitting on weather forecasters isn't enough

Gamers - feel our wrath!

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'Bitcoin creator' Craig Yeah Wright in meltdown

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: re: Spartacus, the truth revealed

The user friendly version.

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'Apple ate my music!' Streaming jukebox wipes 122GB – including muso's original tracks

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're saving it wrong

Thought your private files were safe? Think Different, iSuckers.

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Intel has driven a dagger through Microsoft's mobile strategy

Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

Windows is Burning Platform 2.0

Watching their decline is like an ultra slow car crash where the camera pans round to mobile, zooms into browser market share loss, flies over cloud irrelevance as it heads for The Road Ahead of IoT which is, and always will be, a Microsoft free zone.

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Chrome edges out IE for desktop browser crown

Bob Vistakin
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Go

Re: Still prefer Firefox

For those who want to try a lightning fast browser that's exactly the opposite of the dumbing down trend, check out Viivaldi.

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Why has Microsoft stopped being beastly to Google?

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Because they are dying and know it.

It's a slow motion car crash.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Because they are dying and know it.

Told you so.

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Because they are dying and know it.

Next.

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Samsung chuckles, swerves around Apple's Q1 phone sales crash

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: It's the simple things

Oh dear.

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Microsoft's Windows 10 nagware storms live TV weather forecast

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Sure it's not part of the real forecast?

"And today as you can see, we expect a huge pile of shite to descend down on the good folks of Iowa from which there is no escape. Reports indicate this will happen more and more frequently as the desperation of those behind it increases. Citizens are advised to stay indoors and close their Windows. For good."

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Shares down?! But, but, but ... Apple just made $50bn – that's the way the Cookie grumbles

Bob Vistakin
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Paris Hilton

You're selling it wrong

Zero innovation, flops like their overpriced pointless watch, a toxic hellstew of malware hitting them on all sides and of course the iSheep seeing the quality of these half price new Android devices.

Android is on 82% market share with Apple having the lions share of the dregs. The next interesting figures will be these during the same period.

We really did hit peak Apple a few years back when they ran out of things to copy, or as they put it "thinking different".

Paris, for she also hit her pinnacle a while ago but is experiencing more and more flops as time goes by.

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