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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

897 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

So you reckon Nokia-wielding Microsoft can't beat off Apple?

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

This mythical Microsoft Phone you speak of

It really sounds intriguing. Let us know when it launches so I can check it out.

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Windows Phone Live: An enterprise story

Bob Vistakin
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You can trust Microsoft

To always be the "me too" players in computing. Lemme guess - costs twice as much as the competition but does half as much, but since they target the usual fat cat brown-paper-bag-stuffed-with-cash decision makers, like councils etc, they have no need to worry about sales. Of whatever it is they are selling here.

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Charity: Ta for the free Win 8.1, Microsoft – we'll use it to install Win 7

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: I say chaps, I don't think that you understand what you are supposed to do here.

Never forget the real comedy aspect of the damage Windows 8.1 is doing to Microsoft: it's all self-inflicted.

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Nokia Camera guru: I'm finished being Finnish, and off to 'the company you're thinking of'

Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

They didn't "poach" him

He just jumped off the burning platform.

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Microsoft may launch several new Surfaces on May 20 – report

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Dear Microsoft

Netflix? Try again - it was IE, A piece of software Microsoft has been developing for 15 years that has become officially shit.

That video is always worth watching. The majestic sweep of the arm, the confident proclamation, the triumphant tone in the voice as he shows the world how "I'm running Internet Explorer", at which point it hilariously freezes up.

A textbook comedy lesson in perfect timing, from the gift that just keeps on giving.

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Bob Vistakin
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"I've only ever seen a couple of Surfaces in the wild."

Same here

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Dear Microsoft

Try here.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

"4.4 per cent of the market"

Jeepers.

That's called floor noise by Google. And here's me trying my hardest to spot a windows phone in the wild.

Any day now, I'm sure...

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LinkedIn killing CardMunch biz-card scanning app

Bob Vistakin
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Terminator

The real reason

Hands up those who even knew this existed.

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Microsoft: You know we said NO MORE XP PATCHES? Well ...

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: This of Course has...

IE can be used for something other than downloading Chrome?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Microsoft: The comedy gift

That just keeps on giving.

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Nokia, new CEO Rajeev Suri, and BEELLIONS of euros burning a hole in the bank

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

What next? How about fixing IE?

Because its now officially shit.

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Windows Phone: Just as well Microsoft bought an Android maker, RIGHT?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: It's OK everyone.

Correct.

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Last call: Getting Started with Microsoft Azure – TODAY at 9.30am

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Be careful

"Today" might not mean what you think it means.

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Nokia halts sales of Lumia 2520 Win RT tablet over zap-happy charger

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Shocker.

Yup - always wise to keep a spare.

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Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"a thread of gripes on user site WPCentral has reached almost 1,000 comments in three days"

That's because the Microsoft shills are all here! Quick, scurry off to downvote/delete/apologise or whatever over in your own back yard...

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Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Damned if you do

Ahh yes, I remember the days of BBS's on 9600 baud dialup. It's nice to see they are still in use for low traffic requirements such as this, but clearly here more than one simultaneous user was considered so unlikely it wasn't even tested.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Risk wrecking their phones" ???

How the fuck do you wreck such an unusable car crash as a Windows phone?

That's like asking visitors to a sewage farm not to fart or it'll make the place smell bad.

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Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: LOL

The comedy gift that just keeps on giving.

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Microsoft CEO Nadella names his Xbox and Cloud OVERLORDS

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

So Flop gets to ruin the phone business, again

This guy just keeps leaping about those infernal burning platforms

Mind you, the new Nokia "ConFuze" is sure to be a hit.

Q. It looks like a Windows phone. Does it run Windows phone apps?

A. No

Q. I hear it runs Android. Can I load apps from the Play Store then?

A. No

Q. It's from Nokia - it must run the decades of Nokia Symbian software that made them so big then?

A. No

Q. I see it has BlackBerry stuff on it - does it run BlackBerry software?

A. No

WTF? Well, you sure ConFuzed me...

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

And in a shock twist, a name from the past is now in charge of Office

Welcome back Clippy!

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FINALLY Microsoft releases Office for iPad – but wait there's a CATCH

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Typical Microsoft

"Microsoft's permanently extended middle digit"

Applause! Well played sir :-)

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Microsoft frisks yet another Android gear maker for patent dosh

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Dell does build Android slabs

Microsofts motto: do be evil.

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HP bypasses Microsoft in device-as-a-service assault

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: The Curse of HP

Bollocks.

Bypassing Microsoft is always a smart move, no matter what the circumstances.

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The plot to kill Google cloud: We'll rename Windows Azure to MICROSOFT Azure

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Money well spent

Marketing is far more important than getting the basics right.

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PM Cameron leaps aboard Internet of Thingies

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

I'd been waiting for the new series of The Thick Of It

Here's the tired old textbook example of some clueless politician being told what bandwaggon to jump on by his spads, and as usual just making a prat of himself to those in the know. He's as much cred as Gordon Brown telling us he's an Arctic Monkeys fan, as if that could ever happen. Oh, wait...

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Not just for Glasswipes: Google to drop SDK for all Android wearables

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

If they put this in the back of your boxer shorts

Would it make you a SmartArse?

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Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Well done El Reg

A virtual one for me too. Even if I could make it to the smoke, I'd prefer that to the warm pissed-in dishwater known throughout the world as London beer :-)

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Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Lesson number 1: The idiots you're relying on for your cloud services literally don't know what fucking day it is.

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Windows XP market share GROWS AGAIN, outstrips Win 8.1 surge

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: That has got to be embarrassing for Microsoft

And it's about to get a whole lot worse in mobile. Spot the pattern: Microsoft write new OS, which is shit. Users avoid it. Microsoft spends zillions marketing it. Users still avoid it. Microsofts last resort is to go nuclear to force users to use it.

Now think about mobile. Microsoft launches shit OS ... repeat as above, except the new popular OS everyone wants is Android on Nokia kit. Android on Nokia proves a massive hit so Microsoft then ...?

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HTC One grabs BEST SMARTPHONE gong

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

James Cordon doing awards *again*? Whaddaguy.

Did he say "make it so?"

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Nokia to Devs: PLEASE DON'T make Nokiadroid apps look like WinPho

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: It's not a feeder for Windows Phone

"12% in the UK"

I'll have some of what you're smoking. You've obviously got a bit more than your fellow shill yesterday telling us it was 10%.

You really expect people to believe over 1 in every 10 smartphone users are on windows when they can see it's plainly untrue just by looking around them during the day?

And I've *stlill* not seen a windows mobile in the wild yet. heck, at this rate the first will be one of these windroids, and at these prices it will be because I'll be buying it, assuming I can load Cyanogen onto it, natch.

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Nokia launches Android range: X marks the growing low-cost spot

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Re: You guys are biased

Me want brite yello one.

Me stand out with brite yello cheap fone.

People point at me when I pull out brite yello phone.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: NOKIA SHOULD MAKE ANDROID

Hmm .. I wonder if there's any connection between Elop not getting the CEO job and him allowing this to happen whilst installed as Ballmers trojan.

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Microsoft asks pals to help KILL UK gov's Open Document Format dream

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

There's a serious error in this article everyone has missed

Right there in the headline. Microsoft has "pals"? Nope - only paid shills, many of whom frequent these very forums.

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Microsoft slaps fresh paint on code-free Windows Phone dev tool

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: That's nice of them

0. A smartphone OS should not be rammed down unwilling victims throats by an extortionist taking $5 per handset from other smartphone OS manufactureres.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The guy developing for Windows Mobile says "thanks"

But it turns out he thought he was coding for Android having been confused by the Nokia X.

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Apple patents touch-sensitive controls for MacBook

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

"My old man still asks to this day "Is that an iPhone?" when seeing any touch-screen phone"

Even the Sony Ericsson P800, released in 2002?

The reality distortion field is strong in this one.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

This is how stupid they are. Some guy patented a stick just to deliberately take the piss.

This level of stupidity, combined with the best law money can buy, is how companies plumb out of ideas can get away with this kind of rounded corner type shit.

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PSST! New PCs with Windows 7 preinstalled are out there – and will be into 2015, at least

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

The Nokia Android phone will be the same story

Isn't it obvious? Nokia launch a low-end handset running Android just before being absorbed into the collective. Microsoft, being their usual clueless selves regarding what their customers really want (as clearly demonstrated in this article), don't see the glaring danger until it's far too late. Of course these handsets will be a runaway success, far outstripping the pathetic sales of the "official" Windows Mobile line until it gets to the point where, as in this PC OS story, they have built their own nightmare scenario where they must decide which line to kill - the one they spent billions marketing but just won't sell, or the one the customer wants.

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A Year of Code timeline: History of a HYPEGASM

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Ows about that then, now then, now then"

As another BBC employee with as much credibility as the shameless parasites running this fiasco might have said.

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Elitist approach still paying off for Apple in mobile market

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

So that's why Nokia are going Android

Either that, or continue to scrap around in the rapidly shrinking 5% "others" section.

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It's Satya! Microsoft VP Nadella named CEO as Bill Gates steps down

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Not Elop then.

People actually use Windows as a *server*? Well I never. Gosh, next you'll be telling me they have a ... hey, hang on, you're right. Let's not harp on about you know what anymore, but instead see if you for once have the balls to comment on the topic all microsoft shills conveniently ignore - the extortion racket they are running with Android, by which of course I mean their only meaningful contribution to mobile being the $5 per handset they fleece from the OEMs.

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Yahoo! Mail! users! change! your! passwords! NOW!

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: users should never use the same password on multiple sites or services," said Yahoo!

Users should never use Yahoo for anything serious, says common internet knowledge.

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

The trolls I hate the most

Are the hypocrites who use made up names.

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Android holds steady as iOS and Windows Phone slip in Kantar reports

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It's amazing how much press Microsoft phones get

Considering how clearly irrelevant and unused they are. Why, it's almost as if Microsoft know they have a crap product but think they can market it down everyones throat just by spending money on ads and paid shills, rather than spending it on improving quality.

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft loses grip on Christmas shoppers... despite XBox boost

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild @AC 21:32

"Encouraged to do so by their teacher, I'd imagine. Very professional. "

So, teachers should push Microsoft "smartphones" to kids. I'm confident anyone advocating this is equally fair when it comes to educating them also on the meaning of the word "extortion", where microsoft makes on average $5 per Android handset from those making gear people actually want.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild

It's not funny anymore.

I want to see someone using one to make sure all this talk of any kind of market share isn't just some big online conspiracy. 90% of people I meet, from work, to just observing them in the gym, on the train etc use Android, 9% iPhones and the rest are scraps like BB and legacy (there's a difference?)

I have to be honest and admit I saw some in the Tesco in-store mobile shop last week.

All on the shelves.

Unsold.

With no one interested in them.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild

Seriously - is there some kind of prize for the first actual one I find?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

"Windows phone = loser"?

You mean it's like a burning platform?

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