Feeds

* Posts by Bob Vistakin

831 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Page:

Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Damned if you do

Ahh yes, I remember the days of BBS's on 9600 baud dialup. It's nice to see they are still in use for low traffic requirements such as this, but clearly here more than one simultaneous user was considered so unlikely it wasn't even tested.

0
2
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

"Risk wrecking their phones" ???

How the fuck do you wreck such an unusable car crash as a Windows phone?

That's like asking visitors to a sewage farm not to fart or it'll make the place smell bad.

13
32

Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Happy

Re: LOL

The comedy gift that just keeps on giving.

12
3

Microsoft CEO Nadella names his Xbox and Cloud OVERLORDS

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
WTF?

So Flop gets to ruin the phone business, again

This guy just keeps leaping about those infernal burning platforms

Mind you, the new Nokia "ConFuze" is sure to be a hit.

Q. It looks like a Windows phone. Does it run Windows phone apps?

A. No

Q. I hear it runs Android. Can I load apps from the Play Store then?

A. No

Q. It's from Nokia - it must run the decades of Nokia Symbian software that made them so big then?

A. No

Q. I see it has BlackBerry stuff on it - does it run BlackBerry software?

A. No

WTF? Well, you sure ConFuzed me...

4
3
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Happy

And in a shock twist, a name from the past is now in charge of Office

Welcome back Clippy!

5
2

FINALLY Microsoft releases Office for iPad – but wait there's a CATCH

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Typical Microsoft

"Microsoft's permanently extended middle digit"

Applause! Well played sir :-)

23
3

Microsoft frisks yet another Android gear maker for patent dosh

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Dell does build Android slabs

Microsofts motto: do be evil.

17
7

HP bypasses Microsoft in device-as-a-service assault

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: The Curse of HP

Bollocks.

Bypassing Microsoft is always a smart move, no matter what the circumstances.

1
2

The plot to kill Google cloud: We'll rename Windows Azure to MICROSOFT Azure

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Money well spent

Marketing is far more important than getting the basics right.

11
1

PM Cameron leaps aboard Internet of Thingies

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

I'd been waiting for the new series of The Thick Of It

Here's the tired old textbook example of some clueless politician being told what bandwaggon to jump on by his spads, and as usual just making a prat of himself to those in the know. He's as much cred as Gordon Brown telling us he's an Arctic Monkeys fan, as if that could ever happen. Oh, wait...

6
0

Not just for Glasswipes: Google to drop SDK for all Android wearables

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

If they put this in the back of your boxer shorts

Would it make you a SmartArse?

0
0

Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Well done El Reg

A virtual one for me too. Even if I could make it to the smoke, I'd prefer that to the warm pissed-in dishwater known throughout the world as London beer :-)

1
5

Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

Lesson number 1: The idiots you're relying on for your cloud services literally don't know what fucking day it is.

1
0

Windows XP market share GROWS AGAIN, outstrips Win 8.1 surge

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: That has got to be embarrassing for Microsoft

And it's about to get a whole lot worse in mobile. Spot the pattern: Microsoft write new OS, which is shit. Users avoid it. Microsoft spends zillions marketing it. Users still avoid it. Microsofts last resort is to go nuclear to force users to use it.

Now think about mobile. Microsoft launches shit OS ... repeat as above, except the new popular OS everyone wants is Android on Nokia kit. Android on Nokia proves a massive hit so Microsoft then ...?

17
2

HTC One grabs BEST SMARTPHONE gong

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

James Cordon doing awards *again*? Whaddaguy.

Did he say "make it so?"

0
0

Nokia to Devs: PLEASE DON'T make Nokiadroid apps look like WinPho

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Re: It's not a feeder for Windows Phone

"12% in the UK"

I'll have some of what you're smoking. You've obviously got a bit more than your fellow shill yesterday telling us it was 10%.

You really expect people to believe over 1 in every 10 smartphone users are on windows when they can see it's plainly untrue just by looking around them during the day?

And I've *stlill* not seen a windows mobile in the wild yet. heck, at this rate the first will be one of these windroids, and at these prices it will be because I'll be buying it, assuming I can load Cyanogen onto it, natch.

9
2

Nokia launches Android range: X marks the growing low-cost spot

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Megaphone

Re: You guys are biased

Me want brite yello one.

Me stand out with brite yello cheap fone.

People point at me when I pull out brite yello phone.

2
0
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: NOKIA SHOULD MAKE ANDROID

Hmm .. I wonder if there's any connection between Elop not getting the CEO job and him allowing this to happen whilst installed as Ballmers trojan.

4
0

Microsoft asks pals to help KILL UK gov's Open Document Format dream

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

There's a serious error in this article everyone has missed

Right there in the headline. Microsoft has "pals"? Nope - only paid shills, many of whom frequent these very forums.

63
12

Microsoft slaps fresh paint on code-free Windows Phone dev tool

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Re: That's nice of them

0. A smartphone OS should not be rammed down unwilling victims throats by an extortionist taking $5 per handset from other smartphone OS manufactureres.

1
2
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

The guy developing for Windows Mobile says "thanks"

But it turns out he thought he was coding for Android having been confused by the Nokia X.

4
2

Apple patents touch-sensitive controls for MacBook

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

"My old man still asks to this day "Is that an iPhone?" when seeing any touch-screen phone"

Even the Sony Ericsson P800, released in 2002?

The reality distortion field is strong in this one.

2
1
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

This is how stupid they are. Some guy patented a stick just to deliberately take the piss.

This level of stupidity, combined with the best law money can buy, is how companies plumb out of ideas can get away with this kind of rounded corner type shit.

13
0

PSST! New PCs with Windows 7 preinstalled are out there – and will be into 2015, at least

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

The Nokia Android phone will be the same story

Isn't it obvious? Nokia launch a low-end handset running Android just before being absorbed into the collective. Microsoft, being their usual clueless selves regarding what their customers really want (as clearly demonstrated in this article), don't see the glaring danger until it's far too late. Of course these handsets will be a runaway success, far outstripping the pathetic sales of the "official" Windows Mobile line until it gets to the point where, as in this PC OS story, they have built their own nightmare scenario where they must decide which line to kill - the one they spent billions marketing but just won't sell, or the one the customer wants.

7
0

A Year of Code timeline: History of a HYPEGASM

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

"Ows about that then, now then, now then"

As another BBC employee with as much credibility as the shameless parasites running this fiasco might have said.

1
0

Elitist approach still paying off for Apple in mobile market

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

So that's why Nokia are going Android

Either that, or continue to scrap around in the rapidly shrinking 5% "others" section.

2
1

It's Satya! Microsoft VP Nadella named CEO as Bill Gates steps down

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Not Elop then.

People actually use Windows as a *server*? Well I never. Gosh, next you'll be telling me they have a ... hey, hang on, you're right. Let's not harp on about you know what anymore, but instead see if you for once have the balls to comment on the topic all microsoft shills conveniently ignore - the extortion racket they are running with Android, by which of course I mean their only meaningful contribution to mobile being the $5 per handset they fleece from the OEMs.

5
4

Yahoo! Mail! users! change! your! passwords! NOW!

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: users should never use the same password on multiple sites or services," said Yahoo!

Users should never use Yahoo for anything serious, says common internet knowledge.

10
1

Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Headmaster

The trolls I hate the most

Are the hypocrites who use made up names.

0
0

Android holds steady as iOS and Windows Phone slip in Kantar reports

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

It's amazing how much press Microsoft phones get

Considering how clearly irrelevant and unused they are. Why, it's almost as if Microsoft know they have a crap product but think they can market it down everyones throat just by spending money on ads and paid shills, rather than spending it on improving quality.

Oh, wait...

13
12

Microsoft loses grip on Christmas shoppers... despite XBox boost

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Re: And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild @AC 21:32

"Encouraged to do so by their teacher, I'd imagine. Very professional. "

So, teachers should push Microsoft "smartphones" to kids. I'm confident anyone advocating this is equally fair when it comes to educating them also on the meaning of the word "extortion", where microsoft makes on average $5 per Android handset from those making gear people actually want.

2
0
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Re: And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild

It's not funny anymore.

I want to see someone using one to make sure all this talk of any kind of market share isn't just some big online conspiracy. 90% of people I meet, from work, to just observing them in the gym, on the train etc use Android, 9% iPhones and the rest are scraps like BB and legacy (there's a difference?)

I have to be honest and admit I saw some in the Tesco in-store mobile shop last week.

All on the shelves.

Unsold.

With no one interested in them.

9
2
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

And still I have yet to see a Windows phone in the wild

Seriously - is there some kind of prize for the first actual one I find?

9
4
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

"Windows phone = loser"?

You mean it's like a burning platform?

12
3

Nokia's Android? It's not for the likes of us…

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

That horse bolted so long ago

It spent years on the race track, had a nice relaxing retirement and is now resting gently on the shelves of your local Tesco.

5
0

Surface Pro 2 dim screen of death snafu STILL happening after patch

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Feeling left out...

Fascinating.

1
1
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Microsoft has a tablet out?

Whooosh!

You too have a very interesting posting history, Anonymous Coward.

2
0
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Devil

Microsoft has a tablet out?

Well color me amazed. Next you'll be saying they have some kind of presence in the smartphone industry.

18
0

Google cleared to land in private terminal at Silicon Valley airport

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: About time

This is how it begins.

0
0

NTT DoCoMo says two mobe OSes are enough, so sayonara to Tizen

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Tizen is a total basket case

Its the LibDem of smartphone OS's. Claims to support whatever fad is in vogue that particular week, but even when it finally does see the light of day gets totally steamrollered at every turn.

Paris, for she knows just what it means to be the big boys bitch.

0
1

Microsoft buries Sinofsky Era... then jumps on the coffin lid

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: A common API is definitely a must.

For microsoft, it's also a first.

25
4

Nokia Lumia update spreads Black death

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Loonier software on Loonier handsets

Brite yellow grate color for phone.

Brite yello make me stand out.

People in pub see me wiv brite yello phone and point at me.

3
3
Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Loonier software on Loonier handsets

Do these problems apply to them all or just the bright yellow ones?

2
7

Apple files foul-up-fixing patent for fumbling slab-fondling flubbers

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Once again an Android idea is slightly tweaked and claimed as original

I'm proud of my Nexus 5, which similarly knows if I'm walking, running or riding a bike. But we're dealing with the famous Apple reality distortion field here and the best courts money can buy, so the fact that phone's been out for 4 months and they'll still be awarded this patent even though they only got round to copying it today today is all perfectly right and proper.

4
2

Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

Lest we forget

During the great corruption exposure of 2010 it emerged that Multimillionaire Francis Maude claimed for a second London home, to, err, make life easier for MP's living away from London, which was "yards from his first".

He topped that with his noble attempt at creating mass panic on the roads of Britain with his helpful advice on how to deal with the fuel shortage, forever earning him the nickname "Jerrycan".

Now, what has this shining model of credibility been saying again?

3
0

Microsoft's next CEO: Who it WON'T be – Ford turn-around chief Mulally

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Could I suggest Gordon Brown?

I hear he's at a loose end these days, and he's looking to make amends for the little mishap or two he caused to the British economy recently.

3
1

Acer cozies up to Google with new 'droid PCs and fondleslab, Chromebook

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

So ... hardware manufacturers are now openly telling Microsoft to get stuffed

Payback is such a bitch.

19
2

Skype's Twitter account, blog hacked to spread anti-Microsoft messages

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Mushroom

2014: Microsofts year of implosion

And so it begins.

6
1

Apple wants sales ban on Samsung smartphones nobody is selling

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Facepalm

You're banning it wrong

The idea is to ban phones actually being sold. With round corners.

14
6

Get lost, fanbois: Nokia pulls HERE Maps from Apple's App Store

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Windows

Re: The obvious solution

"Google Maps shite"

Could you enlighten us all on any mapping software available anywhere you think is better?

Hint: Don't go here or here or you'll end up like the chappie in the icon using one of those to find a place to eat.

2
1

Page: