897 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011
That leaked email
Subject: She wants more
The usual plan isn't working. Advice is to hold back that shareholders dividend a while longer - suggest extra 10% above last time. If she keeps holding out suggest we activate plan B - "replacement", but the fallout might be ugly.
Apple Legal, Cupertino
This is terrible news!
I really, really want to see a Windows phone in the wild now. It's not funny anymore. Now, its sounds like the mugs microsoft conned into making them are waking up and telling them were to go. Wait! Don't stop till I see one, please ... !
Talking to your watch is only uncool now because Apple hasn't got one out. Eventually, when enough judges have had their palms greased and they are ready to launch their own copy, everything changes and it will magically become really, really cool to do that.
But ... microsofts cloud offering is just "me too" irrelevant garbage
IrreliGarbage for Windows 8.1.
We're getting there last, and it will be ready just as the rest of the industry moves on, as usual.
Is this the new name for IE?
"Opera". Has a great ring to it. Yup, that's definitely an improvement whichever way you look at it.
Re: "Internet Explorer go into a CPU-consuming spin for no apparent reason."
I tried really hard to hold back. I did honest. Its a piece about Surface, after all. I know full well this has been done to death, but there's just no escaping it after this comment. So here we go...
Perhaps this guy, showing off Surface 1, knows why IE causes Surface Pro 3 to act up this way?
Just extend the name
The sound a dying company chucking itself off a cliff makes.
It's only just begun
This Internet of Things thing - it involves running an OS on kit far removed from the original hardware it first appeared on, right? So clearly one which is free, open and easily adaptable to such a purpose is going to dominate. When was the last time you heard of iOS for fridges, Windows for toasters etc?
History will record the time we're living in now as the end game for closed source.
"Windows Phone has peaked. It's had it's day."
Microsoft has a mobile phone out? Fascinating.
I'll look forwards to seeing one out in the street.
Their ad delivery system here on the Reg certainly isn't stuffed - I find it says it all when, surrounded by microsoft marketing messages telling me how great they are we're constantly reading, err on the same page, how crap they are. Could this be because microsoft put more money into marketing than actual r&d/quality control/product development? You be the judge...
Re: 'Absolutely nothing like'
The inventor of the rounded corner would disagree.
Microsoft: The comedy gift
That just keeps on giving.
Re: Symbian still beating WinPho?
And always will be.
Re: And here they are!
OMG, you mean such clear, precise and specific gems such as 6947490, "Cellular Radio Communications System" were not in fact invented by microsoft? How about 7440433, "Mobile IP Notification" - surely some well-paid patent attorney advised that one has no prior art whatsoever? Lets not forget 6822664, 7454718 and 7421666, "Browser Navigation for Devices With a Limited Input System", so good it's listed thrice.
In fact I'd better stop right now and El Reg needs to consult its lawyers about this very forum, lest they fall foul of the stunning breakthrough microsoft first presented to the world with US-2010-0082759-A1, "Communications Grouped As Conversations".
Bada late than never
Boom boom! See what I did there? Cleverly use the name of another of Samsungs equally successful attempt at leaving the mothership with a witty pun.
Or maybe not.
The superior Apple user experience in action
The premium charged means their users don't mind them making such gigantic profits off them because the gear they buy is so much better than the rest.
You're securing it wrong
Users are so damn stupid - won't they ever learn to use Apple's products correctly?
Re: Epic Failure = Increased share price.
"MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will care."
Increasingly these days, "MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will notice."
As would a bottom 10.
Anyway, just wait until Microsoft launch a smartphone - you'll see who's boss then.
Nokia excretes Windows Phone 8.1
BT did this too
There was this 1 asshole, in Birmingham I think it was, who's full time job was to take up calls *after* customers had cancelled and already been through the same shit you hear on this recording. The impression was given to customers that unless you'd been subjected to his drawn out rantings you hadn't really cancelled. It was you they answered to, you see.
Re: Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?
Yes, FAT32 is in there, but there are a few more which, when you read them, you can see why they wanted keep secret.
I particularly like 7650431 - "SERVING LOCALLY RELEVANT ADVERTISEMENTS". I wonder who'd have an issue with that stunning innovation?
Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?
If you could somehow remove the only meaningful contribution microsoft make to the mobile industry, namely swiping a fiver or so off every Android device sold, this would be incredibly cheap indeed.
Re: Wonder how many Moto G handsets
Is this why Microsoft gave up on their garbage mobile OS recently and turned to Android?
You're securing it wrong
There - fixed the customer support message to everyone who falls foul of this.
Why the colour screen?
I'm puzzled here. The elephant in the room is clearly the daily charging requirement, yet it's promoted as being "glanceable" and only for micro interactions, like short messages etc. So why is the biggest battery drainer by a country mile wasted showing this minimal information on a colour high res screen? Isn't it really obvious a kindle style display should be used?
Ahh, bless 'em
Having only just heard of the smartphone, microsoft see the big players like Google, Apple and Samsung all bringing out wearables and realize they are as usual a decade away from catching up. So here's their quick n dirty "me too" offering they hope no-one will see through...
Why does a minor update today prevent a major update being announced next week?
But they've bought those politicians so they can introduce a licensing scam, sorry scheme, and guess who's the only one on the guestlist?
Dick Tracy? One mans innovation is another's mere scouring history and then hiring more expensive lawyers.
Re: Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1
Microsoft makes a -$5 dollar contribution to every Android handset sold in extortion fees - does that count?
Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1
Is this a competition to stick the most synonyms for "shit" you can in the same sentence?
- One HUNDRED FAMOUS LADIES exposed NUDE online
- Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search
- Twitter: La la la, we have not heard of any NUDE JLaw, Upton SELFIES
- China: You, Microsoft. Office-Windows 'compatibility'. You have 20 days to explain
- Apple to devs: NO slurping users' HEALTH for sale to Dark Powers