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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

912 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

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Report: EE in talks to scoop up 60 Phones 4u stores from troubled High Street retailer

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Still puzzled

Why no-one mentions Life mobile. It wasn't enough for Phones4U to pointlessly stick themselves in between the customer and the carrier, they had to greedily become a carrier themselves as well. Backed by EE, I see - the last of the biggies to give them the elbow.

Am I alone in seeing this as the only possible outcome?

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Want a Tizen phone to build apps for? Now's your chance – provided you don't need it to work

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Sounds like a burning platform - next thing you know, Elop will be trojaned in to vaporize it.

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Lumia rebrand begins: Nokia's new UK web home is Microsoft.com

Bob Vistakin
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Coat

Re: Just wondering...

It's a long running pain point with me here - I want to, but still, and this is seriously in all honesty, haven't seen one in the wild yet. Which is kind of the whole point of my comment at the top of this thread, which seemed to cause a huge whoosh-over-the-head for too many, ahem, "readers".

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Finally

Well, at least it sounds like Microsoft are getting closer to launching a smartphone. They are a bit late now though, the market is basically a 2 horse race and one of those has only got 3 legs. I still can't wait to see one. If they advertise it right, it could do ok, but they'd do well to avoid using the word "Windows" or "Microsoft" in whatever they call it due to the terrible negativity the public has with those terms. Just choose a new word entirely, and make sure there's no obvious joke people can make about it - like it sounding Loonier, for example. And for Gods sake use Android - it's clearly the first choice of the masses, so all this reinventing the wheel for it to only turn out all unusable squares would be just plain stupid.

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Microsoft's axeman Nadella fills baskets with 2,100 fresh heads

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Something about garden gnomes, ???, profit

Sigh.

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Bob Vistakin
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It took 18,000 employees to remove a start menu

Can we have it back now please?

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Microsoft staff brace for next round of layoffs – expected Thursday

Bob Vistakin
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They just bought minecraft

It's Nokia 2.0 - buy then sack. Except this time its users making an exit.

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Phones 4u website DIES as wounded mobe retailer struggles to stay above water

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Lack of competition? A stroll down any high street says otherwise - you can't move for O2/Orange/EE/Voda pop up shops. So why on earth is this news of them cutting out a pointless middleman a surprise again?

Anyway, surely this too means the death of the wretched carphonewhorehouse which can be no bad thing at all.

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Huawei ditches new Windows Phone mobe plans, blames poor sales

Bob Vistakin
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Re: They can't sell iOS

Microsoft have a mobile OS? Well I never. You'd have thought they'd advertise it, or something.

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Microsoft's rumoured $2.5bn Minecraft gobble expected on Monday

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

It's really popular in schools - look to the Raspberry Pi for that.

Well, it used to be before this announcement.

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Oh noes, fanbois! iPhone 6 Plus shipments 'DELAYED' in the UK

Bob Vistakin
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Re: £699

Delayed? It's been out for 2 years.

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Would Apple godhead Steve Jobs have HATED the Watch?

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Except it's not the iWatch is it?

Let's hear Apples design phiosophy from the man himself then: "Good artists copy, great artists steal"

Then sue, if their corners are round.

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Jony Ive: Apple iWatch will SCREW UP Switzerland's economy

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're reading it wrong

Switzerland is in trouble.

He means of course, once Apple release the "device for communicating to the user the chronological point in a 24 hour period worn on the wrist" they have "invented", aka patent "1-800-MEETOOWRISTWATCH-CATCHUP", granted 01-Sep-2014, their lawyers will naturally be suing anyone who copied this stunning innovation before them, since as usual they have the best judges money can buy.

And what they have in mind for those with the affront to use round corners on their cheap imitations just doesn't bear thinking about.

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'Enterprise' ends ten-year mission: Choc Factory's biz services now Google for Work

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

@Nigel yes, and since they are using software we should ... ahh, your way ahead of me :-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

And since people working on a computer are usually in an office, "Google for Office" would work well too - even perhaps differentiating the versions by the year resulting in "Google for Office 2015", etc.

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Apple tried to get a ban on Galaxy, judge said: NO, NO, NO

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

That leaked email

From: legal@apple.com

To: tim.cook@apple.com

Subject: She wants more

Body:

Tim,

The usual plan isn't working. Advice is to hold back that shareholders dividend a while longer - suggest extra 10% above last time. If she keeps holding out suggest we activate plan B - "replacement", but the fallout might be ugly.

Best

Apple Legal, Cupertino

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Huawei: 'Tizen has no chance', Windows Phone is 'difficult'... it's Android all the way

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Not long now until "smartphone" means Android

Let the also rans scrap about for the remaining 15% - it will soon be just irrelevant floor noise. The best of the rest - iOS - just dropped 1.5% to 11.7%, whilst Android gained 5% to hit 84.7%

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Bob Vistakin
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This is terrible news!

I really, really want to see a Windows phone in the wild now. It's not funny anymore. Now, its sounds like the mugs microsoft conned into making them are waking up and telling them were to go. Wait! Don't stop till I see one, please ... !

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Wearables market set to EXPLODE... Wait, is that a STRAP-ON chair?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Well

Talking to your watch is only uncool now because Apple hasn't got one out. Eventually, when enough judges have had their palms greased and they are ready to launch their own copy, everything changes and it will magically become really, really cool to do that.

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Microsoft parts Azure cloud, reveals NoSQL doc database

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

But ... microsofts cloud offering is just "me too" irrelevant garbage

IrreliGarbage for Windows 8.1.

We're getting there last, and it will be ready just as the rest of the industry moves on, as usual.

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Microsoft ropes in Opera Mini as default Nokia dumbphone browser

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Is this the new name for IE?

"Opera". Has a great ring to it. Yup, that's definitely an improvement whichever way you look at it.

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Microsoft: We plan to CLEAN UP this here Windows Store town

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Correct.

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Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: "Internet Explorer go into a CPU-consuming spin for no apparent reason."

I tried really hard to hold back. I did honest. Its a piece about Surface, after all. I know full well this has been done to death, but there's just no escaping it after this comment. So here we go...

Perhaps this guy, showing off Surface 1, knows why IE causes Surface Pro 3 to act up this way?

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Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Does this fascinating event, being pushed a mere 5 days ago right here on El Reg, make clear how unfit for purpose their "me too" comedy cloud offering is?

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Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Just extend the name

IIIIIEEEEE!

The sound a dying company chucking itself off a cliff makes.

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Google's ANDROID CRUSHING smartphone rivals underfoot

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It's only just begun

This Internet of Things thing - it involves running an OS on kit far removed from the original hardware it first appeared on, right? So clearly one which is free, open and easily adaptable to such a purpose is going to dominate. When was the last time you heard of iOS for fridges, Windows for toasters etc?

History will record the time we're living in now as the end game for closed source.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Fascinating...

"Windows Phone has peaked. It's had it's day."

Microsoft has a mobile phone out? Fascinating.

I'll look forwards to seeing one out in the street.

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Microsoft cries UNINSTALL in the wake of Blue Screens of Death™

Bob Vistakin
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Their ad delivery system here on the Reg certainly isn't stuffed - I find it says it all when, surrounded by microsoft marketing messages telling me how great they are we're constantly reading, err on the same page, how crap they are. Could this be because microsoft put more money into marketing than actual r&d/quality control/product development? You be the judge...

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Visual Studio Online goes titsup as Microsoft wrestles with database

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Tut tut tut

Tuttity fucking tut.

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FEAST YOUR EYES: Samsung's Galaxy Alpha has an 'entirely new appearance'

Bob Vistakin
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Re: 'Absolutely nothing like'

The inventor of the rounded corner would disagree.

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Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday

Bob Vistakin
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Microsoft: The comedy gift

That just keeps on giving.

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PEAK APPLE: One MILLION fewer iPads sold this quarter

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Still, they can always look to mobile can't they?

Oh, wait...

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Surfing the web from Android? We KNEW it – sorry, iOS fanbois

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Symbian still beating WinPho?

And always will be.

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Windows 8 market share stalls, XP at record low

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Still, they can always look to mobile can't they?

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft blasts sueball at Samsung over Android patent royalties

Bob Vistakin
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Re: And here they are!

OMG, you mean such clear, precise and specific gems such as 6947490, "Cellular Radio Communications System" were not in fact invented by microsoft? How about 7440433, "Mobile IP Notification" - surely some well-paid patent attorney advised that one has no prior art whatsoever? Lets not forget 6822664, 7454718 and 7421666, "Browser Navigation for Devices With a Limited Input System", so good it's listed thrice.

In fact I'd better stop right now and El Reg needs to consult its lawyers about this very forum, lest they fall foul of the stunning breakthrough microsoft first presented to the world with US-2010-0082759-A1, "Communications Grouped As Conversations".

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Bob Vistakin
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And here they are!

Those top secret patents microsoft doesn't want anyone to know about, courtesy of the Chinese government and The Verge.

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Samsung Z Tizen OS mobe is post-phoned – this time for good?

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Bada late than never

Boom boom! See what I did there? Cleverly use the name of another of Samsungs equally successful attempt at leaving the mothership with a witty pun.

Or maybe not.

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Apple fanbois SCREAM as update BRICKS their Macbook Airs

Bob Vistakin
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The superior Apple user experience in action

The premium charged means their users don't mind them making such gigantic profits off them because the gear they buy is so much better than the rest.

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UK government officially adopts Open Document Format

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Yay!

"Compliance with any of the existing versions of OOXML, the competing document format championed by Microsoft, is neither required nor relevant." it says on Slashdot, which pretty much sums up Microsofts future nicely.

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HIDDEN packet sniffer spy tech in MILLIONS of iPhones, iPads – expert

Bob Vistakin
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You're securing it wrong

Users are so damn stupid - won't they ever learn to use Apple's products correctly?

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Microsoft swings axe at 18,000 bods in its largest ever round of layoffs

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Epic Failure = Increased share price.

"MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will care."

<Applause!/>

Increasingly these days, "MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will notice."

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: In other MS news

It's 18,001 actually.

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Apple 5S still best-selling smartphone 8 months after launch

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

As would a bottom 10.

Anyway, just wait until Microsoft launch a smartphone - you'll see who's boss then.

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Nokia emits Windows Phone 8.1 'Cyan' upgrade for Lumia gear

Bob Vistakin
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Nokia excretes Windows Phone 8.1

FTFY

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Listen: WORST EVER customer service call – Comcast is 'very embarrassed'

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

BT did this too

There was this 1 asshole, in Birmingham I think it was, who's full time job was to take up calls *after* customers had cancelled and already been through the same shit you hear on this recording. The impression was given to customers that unless you'd been subjected to his drawn out rantings you hadn't really cancelled. It was you they answered to, you see.

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Samsung Z mobe a NO-SHOW at Moscow Tizen Developer Summit

Bob Vistakin
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No problem

Tizen will fail the same way Microsoft and Blackberry's mobile OS's have, and like those, they will turn to Android to save them.

Oh, wait...

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India’s Karbonn launches £26 Android phone

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?

Yes, FAT32 is in there, but there are a few more which, when you read them, you can see why they wanted keep secret.

I particularly like 7650431 - "SERVING LOCALLY RELEVANT ADVERTISEMENTS". I wonder who'd have an issue with that stunning innovation?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?

If you could somehow remove the only meaningful contribution microsoft make to the mobile industry, namely swiping a fiver or so off every Android device sold, this would be incredibly cheap indeed.

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UK mobile sales in the toilet: Down by FIVE MILLION this year

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Wonder how many Moto G handsets

Is this why Microsoft gave up on their garbage mobile OS recently and turned to Android?

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Future Apple gumble could lock fanbois out of their own devices

Bob Vistakin
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You're securing it wrong

There - fixed the customer support message to everyone who falls foul of this.

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