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* Posts by Bob Vistakin

897 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

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Apple tried to get a ban on Galaxy, judge said: NO, NO, NO

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Devil

That leaked email

From: legal@apple.com

To: tim.cook@apple.com

Subject: She wants more

Body:

Tim,

The usual plan isn't working. Advice is to hold back that shareholders dividend a while longer - suggest extra 10% above last time. If she keeps holding out suggest we activate plan B - "replacement", but the fallout might be ugly.

Best

Apple Legal, Cupertino

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Huawei: 'Tizen has no chance', Windows Phone is 'difficult'... it's Android all the way

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Not long now until "smartphone" means Android

Let the also rans scrap about for the remaining 15% - it will soon be just irrelevant floor noise. The best of the rest - iOS - just dropped 1.5% to 11.7%, whilst Android gained 5% to hit 84.7%

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

This is terrible news!

I really, really want to see a Windows phone in the wild now. It's not funny anymore. Now, its sounds like the mugs microsoft conned into making them are waking up and telling them were to go. Wait! Don't stop till I see one, please ... !

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Wearables market set to EXPLODE... Wait, is that a STRAP-ON chair?

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Well

Talking to your watch is only uncool now because Apple hasn't got one out. Eventually, when enough judges have had their palms greased and they are ready to launch their own copy, everything changes and it will magically become really, really cool to do that.

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Microsoft parts Azure cloud, reveals NoSQL doc database

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

But ... microsofts cloud offering is just "me too" irrelevant garbage

IrreliGarbage for Windows 8.1.

We're getting there last, and it will be ready just as the rest of the industry moves on, as usual.

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Microsoft ropes in Opera Mini as default Nokia dumbphone browser

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Is this the new name for IE?

"Opera". Has a great ring to it. Yup, that's definitely an improvement whichever way you look at it.

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Microsoft: We plan to CLEAN UP this here Windows Store town

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Correct.

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Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: "Internet Explorer go into a CPU-consuming spin for no apparent reason."

I tried really hard to hold back. I did honest. Its a piece about Surface, after all. I know full well this has been done to death, but there's just no escaping it after this comment. So here we go...

Perhaps this guy, showing off Surface 1, knows why IE causes Surface Pro 3 to act up this way?

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Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Does this fascinating event, being pushed a mere 5 days ago right here on El Reg, make clear how unfit for purpose their "me too" comedy cloud offering is?

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Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Just extend the name

IIIIIEEEEE!

The sound a dying company chucking itself off a cliff makes.

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Google's ANDROID CRUSHING smartphone rivals underfoot

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

It's only just begun

This Internet of Things thing - it involves running an OS on kit far removed from the original hardware it first appeared on, right? So clearly one which is free, open and easily adaptable to such a purpose is going to dominate. When was the last time you heard of iOS for fridges, Windows for toasters etc?

History will record the time we're living in now as the end game for closed source.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Fascinating...

"Windows Phone has peaked. It's had it's day."

Microsoft has a mobile phone out? Fascinating.

I'll look forwards to seeing one out in the street.

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Microsoft cries UNINSTALL in the wake of Blue Screens of Death™

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Their ad delivery system here on the Reg certainly isn't stuffed - I find it says it all when, surrounded by microsoft marketing messages telling me how great they are we're constantly reading, err on the same page, how crap they are. Could this be because microsoft put more money into marketing than actual r&d/quality control/product development? You be the judge...

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Visual Studio Online goes titsup as Microsoft wrestles with database

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Tut tut tut

Tuttity fucking tut.

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FEAST YOUR EYES: Samsung's Galaxy Alpha has an 'entirely new appearance'

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: 'Absolutely nothing like'

The inventor of the rounded corner would disagree.

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Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Microsoft: The comedy gift

That just keeps on giving.

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PEAK APPLE: One MILLION fewer iPads sold this quarter

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Still, they can always look to mobile can't they?

Oh, wait...

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Surfing the web from Android? We KNEW it – sorry, iOS fanbois

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Symbian still beating WinPho?

And always will be.

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Windows 8 market share stalls, XP at record low

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Still, they can always look to mobile can't they?

Oh, wait...

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Microsoft blasts sueball at Samsung over Android patent royalties

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: And here they are!

OMG, you mean such clear, precise and specific gems such as 6947490, "Cellular Radio Communications System" were not in fact invented by microsoft? How about 7440433, "Mobile IP Notification" - surely some well-paid patent attorney advised that one has no prior art whatsoever? Lets not forget 6822664, 7454718 and 7421666, "Browser Navigation for Devices With a Limited Input System", so good it's listed thrice.

In fact I'd better stop right now and El Reg needs to consult its lawyers about this very forum, lest they fall foul of the stunning breakthrough microsoft first presented to the world with US-2010-0082759-A1, "Communications Grouped As Conversations".

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

And here they are!

Those top secret patents microsoft doesn't want anyone to know about, courtesy of the Chinese government and The Verge.

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Samsung Z Tizen OS mobe is post-phoned – this time for good?

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Bada late than never

Boom boom! See what I did there? Cleverly use the name of another of Samsungs equally successful attempt at leaving the mothership with a witty pun.

Or maybe not.

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Apple fanbois SCREAM as update BRICKS their Macbook Airs

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The superior Apple user experience in action

The premium charged means their users don't mind them making such gigantic profits off them because the gear they buy is so much better than the rest.

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UK government officially adopts Open Document Format

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Yay!

"Compliance with any of the existing versions of OOXML, the competing document format championed by Microsoft, is neither required nor relevant." it says on Slashdot, which pretty much sums up Microsofts future nicely.

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HIDDEN packet sniffer spy tech in MILLIONS of iPhones, iPads – expert

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're securing it wrong

Users are so damn stupid - won't they ever learn to use Apple's products correctly?

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Microsoft swings axe at 18,000 bods in its largest ever round of layoffs

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Epic Failure = Increased share price.

"MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will care."

<Applause!/>

Increasingly these days, "MS can now go to hell and i'm not sure anyone will notice."

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: In other MS news

It's 18,001 actually.

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Apple 5S still best-selling smartphone 8 months after launch

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

As would a bottom 10.

Anyway, just wait until Microsoft launch a smartphone - you'll see who's boss then.

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Nokia emits Windows Phone 8.1 'Cyan' upgrade for Lumia gear

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Nokia excretes Windows Phone 8.1

FTFY

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Listen: WORST EVER customer service call – Comcast is 'very embarrassed'

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

BT did this too

There was this 1 asshole, in Birmingham I think it was, who's full time job was to take up calls *after* customers had cancelled and already been through the same shit you hear on this recording. The impression was given to customers that unless you'd been subjected to his drawn out rantings you hadn't really cancelled. It was you they answered to, you see.

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Samsung Z mobe a NO-SHOW at Moscow Tizen Developer Summit

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

No problem

Tizen will fail the same way Microsoft and Blackberry's mobile OS's have, and like those, they will turn to Android to save them.

Oh, wait...

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India’s Karbonn launches £26 Android phone

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?

Yes, FAT32 is in there, but there are a few more which, when you read them, you can see why they wanted keep secret.

I particularly like 7650431 - "SERVING LOCALLY RELEVANT ADVERTISEMENTS". I wonder who'd have an issue with that stunning innovation?

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Its Android, so what would it cost without the m$ extortion fee?

If you could somehow remove the only meaningful contribution microsoft make to the mobile industry, namely swiping a fiver or so off every Android device sold, this would be incredibly cheap indeed.

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UK mobile sales in the toilet: Down by FIVE MILLION this year

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Linux

Re: Wonder how many Moto G handsets

Is this why Microsoft gave up on their garbage mobile OS recently and turned to Android?

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Future Apple gumble could lock fanbois out of their own devices

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're securing it wrong

There - fixed the customer support message to everyone who falls foul of this.

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What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Why the colour screen?

I'm puzzled here. The elephant in the room is clearly the daily charging requirement, yet it's promoted as being "glanceable" and only for micro interactions, like short messages etc. So why is the biggest battery drainer by a country mile wasted showing this minimal information on a colour high res screen? Isn't it really obvious a kindle style display should be used?

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I/O NOOOOO!!! We sat through Google's bum numbing 3-hour keynote so you didn't have to

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

AKA Apples WWDC of 2018

The photocopiers and lawyers in Cupertino have stirred again - after all, "copy then sue" is their official company policy.

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Microsoft tests HALF-INCH second screen to spur workplace play

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Ahh, bless 'em

Having only just heard of the smartphone, microsoft see the big players like Google, Apple and Samsung all bringing out wearables and realize they are as usual a decade away from catching up. So here's their quick n dirty "me too" offering they hope no-one will see through...

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Surprise Android 'KitKat' update fixes nasty OpenSSL vuln

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Huh?

Why does a minor update today prevent a major update being announced next week?

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Apple settles ebook price-fixing damages lawsuit with US states

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Errr

Yes, because Apple is never humiliated in public, even when they apologize wrong and are forced to do it again.

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UBER UBER ALLES: Investors value ride app at $17 BEEELLION

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Unter

But they've bought those politicians so they can introduce a licensing scam, sorry scheme, and guess who's the only one on the guestlist?

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TANGO DOWN! Google presents its 3D non-fondle slab to the world

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Apple

Just started their photocopiers.

Expect theirs in 5 years, followed by the inevitable lawsuit a year later.

It's their official company policy.

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Developers: Your chance to get hands on with Microsoft Azure

Bob Vistakin
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Samsung WRISTPHONE – for those who wanna whisper to strap-ons

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: ...Aaaaand

Dick Tracy? One mans innovation is another's mere scouring history and then hiring more expensive lawyers.

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Bing's the thing in Microsoft's push for cheap Windows devices

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

Microsoft makes a -$5 dollar contribution to every Android handset sold in extortion fees - does that count?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

@Blarkon Like this one?

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Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Microsoft, Bing, Windows 8.1

Is this a competition to stick the most synonyms for "shit" you can in the same sentence?

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Google is tech industry and world's most valuable brand as Apple rots

Bob Vistakin
Silver badge
Holmes

Interesting that the Chinese beat Microsoft

It's almost as if they have a plan.

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So you reckon Nokia-wielding Microsoft can't beat off Apple?

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Speaking of myths...

Lemme help you out with that.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: The reason Nokia lost

"None of those phones until the iPhone had a full browser."

The Sony Ericsson P800 from 2002 did.

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