* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1036 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

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Oh Em Pee! Giant Android tinkles on Apple in Google Maps graffiti

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

"Siri, I'm researching smartphone market share.

Show me an infographic of what's happening out there please."

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Got a big day planned in 15 BEELLLION years? You need this clock

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Sensitivity

They are both correct in their respective local frames of reference, since the laws of physics apply equally to every point in the universe. This is why there can never be such a thing as absolute time.

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Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: Sensitivity

And merely existing. Make 2, synchronise them then fly one round the world. The times on each now differ - which one is right?

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Nokia will be the mobile comeback kid in 2016 – wishful-thinking sources

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Depends on how you define a smartphone. I say the acid test is if it can multitask properly, as indeed was seen on Symbian. Embracing full Linux naturally extends that to Android. More basic designs, such as the iPhone and anything from microsoft are more like enhanced feature phones in this respect.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Dust-off the archives

Great idea, and no-one to ruin it this time, either :-)

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Bob Vistakin
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Joke

But microsoft has roared so far ahead they can't ever be caught now

When they "killed" Nokia they had almost zero market share. Look how well they've done since - Nokia must be mad to try to overtake them. Didn't they learn anything from being told they were on a burning platform?

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Microsoft set to penetrate Cyanogen, promises app-y ending

Bob Vistakin
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Re: History is not on their side

@AC You forgot "who raped and murdered her best friend" and "who also stole your dinner money".

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Bob Vistakin
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History is not on their side

Here we go

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What's Meg Whitman fussing over: The fate of HP ... or the font on a DISRUPTIVE new logo?

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Green Rectangle

The Green Rectangle looks like what you see in the status bar of a smartphone as its about to shut down because the battery is flat. And it told you so.

How much did someone get paid to come up with this?

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What's that THUD sound? It's your Lumia's best feature after unflashing Windows 10

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Tut tut tut

Way to go on getting that market share above floor noise.

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Hungry Apple fanbois can now buy a lunch date with Tim Cook

Bob Vistakin
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Joke

It's an old joke, but quite relevant.

"Now we've established what you are, let's talk more about that price."

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Cram my freebies into Android phones and get a royalty discount, says Microsoft (allegedly)

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Don't be evil

As if anyone had any doubt who Google had in mind when it took on that slogan.

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There’s a whole mobile world out there – here’s how to manage it

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Lib Dem manifesto: Spook slapdown, ban on teen-repelling Mosquitos

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

British politics in a nutshell

Taxpayers only get to choose the method their cash is swiped, not the amount. Your choices:

The Party of Corruption: Tories - in it for themselves and chums

The Party of Incompetence: Labour - even if they mean well, they'll screw it up

The Party of the Clueless: LibDems - Policies change with the wind and even when in power none get implemented

Some combination of those plus a token minnow will get power. You can try to change things by choosing the minnow, but the system is rigged so even if elected in a coalition, the bigger party will behave as if they are the sole ones in power. Just look to the current lot being the best example, and see what policies in the LibDems similar waste of paper before the last election were implemented.

It's been that way from the start and ain't gonna change any time soon.

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Life after Nokia: Microsoft Lumia 640 budget WinPho blower

Bob Vistakin
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Re: ...And yet:

Checks calendar.

Sighs.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: I don't want.

Do you want microsofts mighty ad machine ramming all that down your throat?

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Bob Vistakin
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Mushroom

Re: GUI madness

I hear interesting things about Nokia - they have a great Android tablet out (it has "apps" too), are breaking amazing ground with 5G and, as we hear today, are considering buying Alcatel-Lucent to make them rival Ericsson in the network provision space.

I'm betting the conversations between them and microsoft when the beast wants to pollute the airwaves with its quaint little toys, such as this one, on this tech will be fascinating.

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Who is the fastest-selling phone maker of ALL TIME? Samsung? Apple? No, it's Xiaomi

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

How much extortion tax is due?

These are all Android handsets, so the beast from Redmond wants a bite to keep its only relevant contribution to mobile alive. Yet this is a Chinese company, where patents and copyright are all as la-la as common sense is to a Texan attorney.

May we live in interesting times!

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Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

"The scheme could backfire."

Never has a Reg icon been more appropriate than the one assigned to this post.

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Project Spartan: We get our claws on Microsoft's browser for Windows 10

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

How to make spartan users happy

Stick a great big button on the toolbar to "Download Chrome".

It's all anyone uses IE for these days anyway - and isn't the new, cuddly ms all about giving users what they want?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Not really - the first few sites which fail with spartan will just drive users back to Chrome, and make them wonder why they bothered in the first place.

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Bob Vistakin
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Linux

More microsoft thinking: Censorship fixes everything in the end.

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Bob Vistakin
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Microsoft has a new browser? One word: torsoraphy.

Google it. Or Bing it, same thing.

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Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge in Vulture's claws: we find looks AND brains

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Storage?

Mind you, all this curved edge malarkey give us a fascinating glimpse of the 2018 iPhone.

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Surface Pro 3 update has so much new stuff for sysadmins, we can't fit it all in one headline

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

I did exactly the same too!

But back to this tablet firmware update. It seems Microsoft are all lovey-dovey these days in their desperation to get others to run their software, so does this tablet hardware support a proper firmware upgrade, i.e. to Android, and more to the point are they as lovey-dovey when it's done this way round?

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Fortunately the move to a microsoft free world is gathering real momentum. S Korea, for example, as well as the boycott such stupidity as this Windows 10 move will bring

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Woman caught on CCTV performing drunken BJ blew right to privacy

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

If the piss touched a live wire and they got fried

Your taxes would be similarly lavishing up their lifestyles handsomely. And their lawyers.

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Osbo: Choose a f*cking IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: So, I need to drink 100 pints to save a pound?

You know where you are with Gideon Osborne, because Gideon is a straight talking man of the people everyone can relate to - and all the hard working blokes down the pub know Gideon is one of them, with nothing to hide.

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Siri, you're fired: Microsoft Cortana's elbows into iOS, Android

Bob Vistakin
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Angel

Re: Yet to see

Yes, when driving. The car stereo itself is paired via a bluetooth mike built into the dash, and the audio routed to the speakers. It never misses a beat. Very impressive and natural. With the handset docked it's also permanently being charged. Granted, your'e asking about regular use in public, which I'll admit I ain't done either, but the setup I described is Star Trek cool indeed.

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$17,000 Apple Watch: Pointless bling, right? HA! You're WRONG

Bob Vistakin
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News from an insider

Explains it all.

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iTunes snafu: DNS fail borked Apple's app & iTunes stores for 10 HOURS

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

As usual, with Apple you pay more and get less

Tut tut tut.

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HAPPY 20th Birthday MICROSOFT BOB

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: Bubba

Alas cousin Bubba darn well done n drowned himself in a barrel o moonshine a few summers back.

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Microsoft chucks patent sueball at Kyocera over Android phones

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Yawn...

"Microsodt"?

Pronounced "Micro sod it"?

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Google promises proper patch preparation after new cloud outage

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Sigh. No-one can get the cloud right.

Yet we're all being pushed inexorably towards it.

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FREAKing hell: ALL Windows versions vulnerable to SSL snoop

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

So quality browsers are ok - it's just IE that's affected?

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Samsung-Microsoft deal will bundle Office 365 with Android Knox

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Crap no-one wants HAS to be forced down their throats this way - Android has 85% market share, ios 11% and the dregs have to scrabble about for the rest. Without this "deal", microsofts mobile software is as relevant to users as their handsets.

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Microsoft to Android OEMs: 'Show me the money'

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: El Reg Exclusive!

When I see one of these mythical "Windows Phones" in the wild I'll be sure to check it out. Trouble is, at just over 2% market share that means I'd have to stare at almost 50 smartphone users before catching sight of one.

You can tell how irrelevant it is by looking at anyone advertising an app - from the sofa pushers on telly during the soap opera breaks to the supermarkets - they invariably just have the Android and iOS logos by the "get our app" tagline.

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Bob Vistakin
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Re: Yes, Lucipher is driving a snowplough down my street

Leopards can't change their spots. Even when their rapidly evaporating own comedy efforts have gone, their Android patent extortion will go down in history as the only meaningful contribution they've ever made to the mobile industry.

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3 spectastic Lumias for price of 1 rival flagship: Microsoft sells biz on cheapie experience

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Excellent pricing

@Mark 85 Steady on now...

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Bradley Horowitz on ailing Google+: Islands in the stream, that is what we are ...

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Facebook is the worlds people directory.

Linked In is the worlds business directory.

Google+ is for everyone else.

Clear now?

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Windows XP's market share grows AGAIN!

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Microsoft bribery scandal in Romania -> no Microsoft licenses anymore in the public sector

Tut tut tutitty tut.

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Acer enters Windows Phone fray with cheap Liquid M220 mobe

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Just as well...

The desperation is strong in this one.

One mans floor noise is anothers market share.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Seriously? Still on about apps?

People with bank accounts do look for an app to do their banking on. Seriously. People who buy things from shops like to use that shops app on their phone. Seriously. What little Windows phone had, is actually shrinking. That Serious enough for you?

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FORK ME! Uber hauls GitHub into court to find who hacked database of 50,000 drivers

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: How is this github's problem?

Exactly. Get Vint Cerf in whilst you're at it - if it wasn't for him, none of this would have happened.

Memo to Uber: The horse bolted because you left the door open.

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Google to tame Android's Wild Wild West to please suits

Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: The biggest problem with Android in the business...

Sadly true.

Oh for the good old days of J2ME.

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MP resigns as security committee chair amid 'cash-for-access' claims

Bob Vistakin
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Re: So there won't be a Lord Straw then?

Others sat out the war safe and sound in jail in Blighty, whilst their fellow nationals risked their lives for them.

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Bob Vistakin
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So there won't be a Lord Straw then?

What a shame. Such a nice guy.

Mind you, his father was a coward, his son a drug pusher and his brother a sex offender. Now his fiddle during the great corruption exposure is all forgotton, it's time he was left alone - after all, what harm has he done to anybody?

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LinkedIn values your privacy at ONE WHOLE LOUSY DOLLAR

Bob Vistakin
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Terminator

Linked In: "Where resumes go to die"

A high profile Google employee said that to me at a conf last year - off the record in a bar - but I thought it fascinating to see what these big data companies thought of each others antics. I somehow managed to resist any smart ass quips about it dodging the tumbleweeds of Google+ on its way there.

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Apple design don Jony Ive: Build-your-own phone is BOLLOCKS

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: One size fits all, fits nobody

Here's Steve Jobs saying you'd have to file your fingers down to use a 7 inch device.

Here's an iPad 7, Apples 7 inch iPad.

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Microsoft leaves the Rooms. How will Windows Phone OS users make to do lists?

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Google just ditched GTalk too

Hey you never know, perhaps Skype and Hangouts will become one? Hmm, thought not.

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