* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Audio spy Alexa now has a little pal called Dox

Captain DaFt

Its not going to pick up any industrial secrets, and the first time it raises a suspicion of acting on things its heard rather than been told its fairly easy to have it 'break' and return it for a refund.

I hope you haven't espoused such sentiments within its hearing!

Or else we'll soon be reading a Reg article about 'someone' that tripped over their IOT hoover when their IOT lights unexpectedly went out, and knocked their brains out on the Amazon ordered anvil that was placed in the hallway by the deliveryman when the IOT door lock let him in!

What? Me paranoid?

Captain DaFt

Re: Sigh

Accept your lot in life and get six or seven cats...

Bad idea.

There are easier ways to end it all.

Parity's $280m Ethereum wallet freeze was no accident: It was a hack, claims angry upstart

Captain DaFt

OK, let"s run with this. But then what was devops199's motive, I mean apart from just breaking the wallets?

Pure hypothetical speculation on my part:

A. Find a bug that lets you silently empty wallets.

B. 'Accidentally' lock wallets to hide the theft.

C. Patiently wait for time to pass, and hashes deprecated, then 'mine' coins that just happen to match 'lost' ones. ie: Profit!

ZX Spectrum Vega firm's lawyers targeted by empty-handed backers

Captain DaFt

"instead of rekindling fond memories of my early days with a computer [has] just left me with a sour memory."

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Seriously. Once when one waxed nostalgic, you'd get together with old cronies (either at the pub, each others homes, or even online) and talk about how it was, and golden days lost to time.

Now it's more like:

"Remember when? You can relive the old days!

Just Umpty-dump $/€/£/¥ and experience it all over again!

That's a mere Umpty-dump $/€/£/¥!! Just send cash/debit/BC/firstborn to Shankem Corp today!

Terms and conditions apply, see our webpage for more details, Shankem Corp accepts no liabilty for anything, ever! Product may not meet expectations, or even exist. No Refunds"

Android at 10: How Google won the smartphone wars

Captain DaFt

Re: Horsecrap

Android isn't insecure, it's very secure.

Designed by an advertising company with hooks to every aspect of the device it's on, with the sole aim of gathering and sending data to them.

Then they offer the data gathering APIs to all third party programmers to use as they will.

Then there's the poorly vetted app store, the fact that even the devices they themselves make get poor security support after a very short time, or the fact that lots of third party manufacturers are loath to move to newer, safer versions because Alphabet keeps upping the onus on them with each new version...

<sarc>Well, you can't get much more secure than that, can you?</sarc>

Jet packs are real – and inventor just broke world speed record in it

Captain DaFt

Re: Duration?

"In flight refueling"

or drag a small fuel cart behind you with a long hose

Similar to this: Jetlev-Flyer ?

Want to provision a new VM on Azure? Get in line

Captain DaFt

Re: It is raining, it is pouring

Putting all your eggs in one basket is always the best solution....

Oh, we've learned from the past.

Now we put all the eggs from several farms in one basket. and leave it out in the middle of the (information) highway. Safe as houses, of course!

Self-driving bus in crash just 2 hours after entering public service

Captain DaFt

Re: German Efficiency

Lawyers are definitely a good start, but we need a firmware patch to include account executives, hairdressers, telephone sanitizers and other "middlemen." Consider: It's much cheaper than the "B" Ark but with the same happy outcome.

We all die from a disease from an unsanitized phone?

Well, that's me cheered up. :/

Captain DaFt

Re: German Efficiency

Isn't it more likely they'll hide behind a barrage of expensive lawyers (is that the correct collective noun?)?

I always thought it was a leech of lawyers, but a quick check shows otherwise.

Stop worrying and let the machines take our jobs – report

Captain DaFt

Re: Vinod Khosla of Silicon Valley VC fame disagrees

Does programming an AI to automatically turn a malfunctioning server off and on again count? :)

Since it was running on that server, you'll still need a human for the "and back on again" part. ☺

China-owned Opera touts big comeback

Captain DaFt

"The browser received a makeover in February and now integrates Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp in the sidebar."

Nope. Nope nope nope!

Browser dudes, please quit adding crap, just make the browser browse better with fewer bugs!

Geez, is there a browser out anymore that just browses?

Websites! I mean browsing websites! I don't mean browsing my data to "enhance my user experience"!

Mythbuster seeks cash for roller skates to wear in virtual reality

Captain DaFt

Re: Yeah...

Your cat will learn eventually.

But not the way you'd hope.

Mine will carefully avoid getting under my feet, in daylight, when I can see it.

But when it's dark and I can't see it? The murderous little bastard is right there in front of my feet, in the perfect pose to trip me.

I'd expect any cat to soon learn that when you put on the VR goggles, it's the perfect time to trip you.

Look, ma! No hands! Waymo to test true self-driving cars in US with Uber-style hailing app

Captain DaFt

Sounds fishy

"Two years ago, the biz completed a fully self-driving trip on public roads, when a blind man traveled from a park to a doctor’s office without anyone in the driver’s seat."

If he was blind, how did he know there was no one in the driver's seat? The driver could have been mute. ☺

And worryingly, if it was driverless, was the blind guy originally intending to go to the doctor? Or had to go after the accident? ☺

Kidding aside, would it have hurt to include a link?

Parity calamity! Wallet code bug destroys $280m in Ethereum

Captain DaFt

Re: How many DevOps are we talking about here

One Devops of indeterminate gender. When we don't know (or care) about gender we can use "they" instead of "he" or "she" to avoid guessing.

Rather silly convention if you ask me.

English has a perfectly usable gender pronoun, "it". In fact "they" is the plural of "it".

Seriously, what would be your reaction if you went to see your boss, and when his secretary told him there was someone to see him, he belches out, "Who is they?"

I have never knocked at a door, and heard, "Who is they?", it's just wrong!

Paradise Papers reveal Apple moved bits of biz offshore

Captain DaFt

Re: "I fear the reasons for that may be beyond the understanding "

Hm, maybe us poor mortals can understand after all! ☺

Imagine the candles on its birthday cake: Astro-eggheads detect galaxy born in universe's first billion years

Captain DaFt

Re: Where are they moving to?

Are they on the edge of the universe? Yes there was nothing and then it exploded, but if they're the oldest galaxies are they the furthest things from us? Is the universe ball-shaped and are we on the inside or the outside of the ball? Where is the centre and where did it explode from?

It gives me such a headache to try to understand it.

Got aspirin? Here's a layman's view:

That galaxy's not at the edge, it's exactly in the center. Just the same as everything else in the Universe, including you, me, and that thing over there. Any point in space is the center of the Universe, because there's no 'outside' or 'edge' to it as far as our understanding goes. (Real brainbreaker: There is nothing outside the Universe, not even the Universe, because it only exists within itself!)

It's all center, but the center is getting bigger!

Oh, and that galaxy's not moving to anywhere.

It and everything else in the Universe is moving away from everything else. (Re: The center is getting bigger)

Space is expanding at (apparently) an ever increasing rate, but matter remains the same size it was when it was formed, so there's always more space between the big lumps (galaxies) than there was before. (stars and stuff in galaxies are close enough for gravity to hold them together despite expansion.)

Seldom used 'i' mangled by baffling autocorrect bug in Apple's iOS 11

Captain DaFt

As an Apple user I believe that i is an overrated letter anyway. No need for it. Excellent work, Apple.

Yeah, iPad, iPhone, iMac, sooo passe!

Long live the A☐Pad, A☐Mac, and A☐Phone!

Apple hauls in $52.6bn in Q4, iPhone, iPad and Mac sales all up

Captain DaFt

Re: What is the point of the cash pile?

Apple's R&D spending had grown year on year since Jobs' passing, though evidently not enough to make a dent in their cash pile.

Some of that increased spending will be due to the law if diminishing returns (more effort to make what appear to be minor improvements)

Say what you want about Jobs, he did have imagination and insight into what users wanted, and steered R&D that way.

Computer sales flat against MS? How about a user friendly MP3 player with access to a music store stocked with popular music? *ker-ching!*

Mobile phones are a pain, how about about expanding that user friendly player into a full fledged phone that can be as smart as a computer, with a readily accessible app store? *ker-ching!*

Now that people are used to the UI, do an end run around MS's stranglehold on netbooks by releasing a computer tablet that can use the phone apps? *Ker-ching!*

As for Cook? Uh, What gimmick can we come up with for iPads and iPhones this year?

The Mojo's lost.

OpenSSL patches, Apple bug fixes, Hilton's $700k hack bill, Kim Dotcom raid settlement, Signal desktop app, and more

Captain DaFt

Yep, you'd think that news of the first truly secure smartphone would get a bit more press. ☺

Equifax execs sold shares before mega-hack reveal. All above board – Equifax probe

Captain DaFt

Re: "the draining of the swamp"

"the draining of the swamp"

Hey, once it's drained he'll be homeless.

Actually, the bigger the gator, the more it's in favor of draining the swamp.

Forces all the fish to move into the lake with him where they're easier for him to get to.

For fanbois only? Face ID is turning punters off picking up an iPhone X

Captain DaFt

Re: Real data?

I know that I can enter the password but then what's the use of having something of to save me from entering the password when I can't use it all of the time like I could with the fingerprint ID?

But the face ID doesn't require extra hardware to work like fingerprint ID. It's all just done in software.

Apple's stance seems to be "if it can be done in software, screw the hardware! Hardware costs real money! Not just in the costs of the parts, but the costs to design, test and implement.

It's why they've ditched the keyboard, buttons, ports and jacks.

it's also why the battery is sealed in, one less part to design and integrate. (The battery cover)

Just think of how much money they save per year on the phones ditching every conceivable part they can do away with!

It's why every other phone maker emulates Apple, "How much can we save this year copying them?"

Apple's genius here is spinning cost saving measures as "trendy and hip" features to the consumer.

Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

Captain DaFt

Re: Why have unprotected cables there at all

Or some contractor saw dollar signs. They told them that it would be cost savings knowing they would have4 to be dug up and relaid .

Reminds me of what happened here back in the noughties.

New highway project awarded to the lowest bidder, started falling apart as soon as it was opened.

Mo problem, call in the company contracted to do repairs.

Guess what? Same company.

Oh, Google. You really are spoiling us: Docs block cockup chalks up yet another apology

Captain DaFt

"The process does not involve human intervention."

So Google is admitting that the reptoids no longer trust them and are accessing the data directly? ☺

My #95Theses of #Digital

Captain DaFt

Re: #66

If you want a pay increase at regular intervals, do not work in IT as demands for an increase will lead to the job being offshored ...

Was that number chosen deliberately?

Because now I'm imagining a cackling CEO putting on a robe, pressing the intercom button and ordering his secretary to, "Execute order 66!"

Captain DaFt

Sorry iBong!

But 4chan beat you to it.

Captain DaFt

Re: I'm amazed...

I'm amazed that he got as far as 51, even with the gaps.

No, those five are all he wrote.

Consecutive numbers are sooo last decade!

Google remembers it has an air-fares API, takes the usual action

Captain DaFt

Re: I like this kind of behaviour ...

Could we persuade Google to buy the Republican party?

They tried, got blocked. It was ruled that owning both major parties would constitute an illegal monopoly. ☺

Microsoft reveals network simulator that keeps Azure alive

Captain DaFt

Re: So....

Maybe Microsoft's internal admins sometimes forget whether they're testing an outage in CrystalNet, or on the real Office365 production servers.

"Hey, let's simulate what would happen if we lost connection to all of our peering exchanges."

"Hey, why's my phone saying it can't retrieve my email anymore"

"Uh-oh..."

"Confound this @&#%^ flat UI!! I can't tell which is which!"

NASA reveals Curiosity 2020's 23-camera payload

Captain DaFt

Re: 23 cameras and yet...

NASA will still have to explain how the rovers can take a selfie.

Factoid: Every rover's AI is equipped to recognize a roman style helmet.*

Upon spotting one, it politely asks, "Excuse me, Marvin the Martian, could you take my camera and snap a pic of me for the folks back home? Thank you sir."

*This is also how it knows how to avoid taking picture of Martians.

Bored 'drivers' pushed Google Waymo into ditching autopilot tech

Captain DaFt

Re: Missed opportunity.

All they needed to do was carry a female as a second passenger. If, when driving, i'm not paying attention to the females instructions/comments/criticisms the nagging just increases in volume and pitch.

I don't think this is only a female passenger scenario.

I'm reasonably certain my dad is male. ☺

French senator demands public inquiry into Microsoft military deal

Captain DaFt

Re: Good

Because MS costs less, is easier to use and is a lower risk than any other realistic option.

Thank you! I've had a miserable time the past couple of weeks.

I really needed a good laugh, thanks again! ☺

Can you get from 'dog' to 'car' with one pixel? Japanese AI boffins can

Captain DaFt

Not the article I wanted to read

Especially just moments after reading this one.

From BBC:

"But a consequence of the design is that it behaves like a "black box".

Its behaviour can be observed but the underlying processes remain opaque."

From El Reg:

"Not only that, but the boffins didn't need to know anything about the inside of the DNN – as they put it, they only needed its “black box” output of probability labels to function."

Doesn't look so good for iPhone's new security ID tech, does it?

MoD: Sci-tech strategy? Er, here's a bunch of words and diagrams

Captain DaFt

I studied that chart carefully

It says: "Baffle'em with bullshit!"

A picture tells a 1,000 words. Here's about 750 on Facebook using pics to school AI translators

Captain DaFt

just how much detail do they use?

Japanese translator:

"Picture is 1024X750, 98% black with white oval smudge near center."

English translator compares picture of galaxy with colorful flower picture:

"That would be the picture on the left."

Boss put chocolate cake on aircon controller, to stop people using it

Captain DaFt

Re: Reminds me

That had better be the temperature of the water in the pipes, nof the air in the room .....

I believe (hope) that the temps he quoted were in Fahrenheit.

Captain DaFt

Re: Heating / Aircon

I've also never worked anywhere yet where anyone who could didn't fiddle with the thermostat constantly as the temperature was uncomfortable somewhere in the office.

Surely this shit should be sorted out by now.

Best "solution" I ever heard of was the company that installed dummy thermostats around the area. (But didn't tell the workers that!)

People fiddled with them and commented on how much more comfortable the area was.

All due to the placebo effect and a sense of control over the environment.

Meanwhile, the real thermostat that controlled the heating/AC was never changed.

Security pros' advice to consumers: 'We dunno, try 152 things'

Captain DaFt

Best Rule

Treat the Internet like a door to the bad part of town. You can find anything, but if you're not careful, you're gonna get mugged!

So think before you act.

Boffins trapped antiprotons for days, still can't say why they survived the Big Bang

Captain DaFt

Re: age of Universe

Everyone knows the universe was created at T=42.

Or something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike T, eh? ☺

Captain DaFt

Why not posit that (in any given big bang) there will be some excess of one or the other polarity of matter, as a result of Quantum Uncertainty?

Not that difficult to envision.

During the early yocto seconds of the Big Bang, in the "primordial soup" stage when particles were very close together, particles and anti-particles would bang into each other at random, instead of each hitting its exact counter part.

For instance, a muon banging a positron would release energy plus quarks, since the muon has greater mass.

Enough mismatches like that would result in an random imbalance of matter and anti-matter, and further annihilations would see one or the other become dominate.

At least that's how I view it.

Captain DaFt

Re: The universe will now disappear

How can we prove that the universe actually exists outside of our own minds ?

Well for me it's simple: Contemplating the wonders of the Universe, and the near infinite combinations of crass stupidity and sublime genius inherent in most people, I couldn't dream this stuff up if I lived a billion lifetimes!

Google and Intel cook AI chips, neural network exchanges – and more

Captain DaFt

Re: The IPU is difficult to program

The security aspect is interesting. Ideally you have a MPU to basically firewall off on chip problems manipulating host memory.

Oooor... Y'know, you could just let a camera be a camera instead of turning that aspect of your smartphone into something that's intelligent enough to catalog the contents of every picture you own, then report back to the mothership to 'Enhance your consumer experience".

Remember when technology was there to make your life easier and more secure? And Not make your life less secure and more accessible to anybody?

Not if you're under 30!

Wanna exorcise Intel's secretive hidden CPU from your hardware? Meet Purism's laptops

Captain DaFt

Re: Everybody's ethical

Horseshoe political theory: The further right or left you go from center on the political spectrum, the more the opposing sides resemble each other.

Far left and far right (or alt-left/alt-right if you prefer) resemble each other in their belief in the right to force their will on the populace with the only difference being the specific beliefs they are espousing. Instead of being complete opposites on a spectrum, they sit side by side.

Basically, human nature at its worst; the more you're convinced that you're right, the more you're willing to use force to enforce your agenda.

Captain DaFt

Re: We need companies like Purism

Only when Satan has been cast from the fiery pit of hell can Google not be evil.

Don't bet on it.

The Infernal Trinity of Google, Oracle, and Microsoft would see his deportment as a business opportunity immediately take over running Hell.

Ubuntu 17.10: We're coming GNOME! Plenty that's Artful in Aardvark, with a few Wayland wails

Captain DaFt

Re: To-do item for v18

1) get rid of stupid product names

Maybe after they release Zippy Zebra? ☺

Boss visited the night shift and found a car in the data centre

Captain DaFt

Re: Mini - not really

Such things are routine here in the land of the free

There were a few classic VW Beetles around when I was younger.

Since it only took five or six reasonably able teens to lift one, they always seemed to end up hidden in hedges, casually sitting on decks, placed bumper to bark between any two convenient trees, or any other odd place that they'd fit.

Never put saw one on a roof though, a bit too heavy to lift that high. ☺

Microsoft Azure ████ secret ██ █████ ██ US govt's ███ ███ centers

Captain DaFt

How long till we hear of the first data breach/slurp/theft then?

When it's posted on Wikileaks, of course.

NYC cops say they can't reveal figures on cash seized from people – the database is too shoddy

Captain DaFt

Re: Important Enemy

Don;t worry the judge will have a broken tail light and violently resist with military grade weapons that will never be found.

New York's finest would never do anything so unscrupulous!

Obviously he'll be shot by a 'Druggie with a grudge" who'll be immediately dispatched in a hail of bullets by several officers who "just happened to be nearby".

What the fdisk? Storage Spaces Direct just vanished from Windows Server in version 1709

Captain DaFt

Re: Pay for? Or severe bugs?

The only reasons they'd remove something like this...

1, they intend to make it a paid addon...

2, it has severe bugs such that they're going to drop it completely...

3. It has severe bugs so they intend to make it a paid addon with a mandatory security subscription.

Please replace the sword, says owner of now-hollow stone

Captain DaFt

Re: People may be offended..

Ah, but it's only illegal if it's done "without lawful authority or reasonable excuse". Being destined to be King would be both lawful authority and reasonable excuse...

Can you pass this information on to Matilda Jones?

Captain DaFt

Re: People may be offended..

You don't get to run a government just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Given recent elections, maybe we should give her throwing arm another go?