* Posts by Captain DaFt

3062 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Unlucky Luckey: Oculus developers invoke anti-douchebag clause, halt games for VR goggles

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Americans, again not realising there's a world outside them

"I've been thinking of it more as "Nixon vs. Hitler"..."

Nah, the Nightmare Vs. the Liar... You pick which is which.

As an aside; Anyone for a "Vote Cthulhu, the lesser of three evils!" campaign?

2
0

Security man Krebs' website DDoS was powered by hacked Internet of Things botnet

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: What's an IOT device owner to do?

"I think we should start referring to them as idIOT devices."

Insecurely Designed Internet Of Things

There ya go!

2
0

R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: hemi-demi-semi colon

The poor fellow. You shouldn't make him the butt of your jokes.

2
0

Lean in and pivot: Even Steve Jobs didn't work alone, startup boy

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

So, um...

Did Steve (¡Bong!) Bong change his name to Damon Hart-Davis, or wut?

0
0

Uni student cuffed for 'hacking professor's PC to change his grades'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Really??

"Guess he wasn't as good as he thought he was."

If he was a smart as he thought he was, he wouldn't needed to have altered the grades in the first place, would he?

14
0

Sad reality: It's cheaper to get hacked than build strong IT defenses

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Really?

"When a system of this scale gets compromised, it should be the sysadmin, not just the "hacker" who gets held accountable by the state."

You mean the the guy (or team), that's repeatedly brought up the issue with superiors, only to be brushed aside with "No, that's not in the budget.", or, "No, we see no problem here."? That guy?

Better: The authorities should lock down the system and interview the sysadmin as a witness, as soon as a breach is reported.

If it's the sysadmin's fault, then hold him/her/them accountable.

If not, follow the trail of "No!" upstream until the source is found, then hold that part(ies) as accountable as the hacker.

9
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Solution?

" fine the companies that are hacked."

You want immediate action? Howls of agony and outrage? Actual results?

As well as fining the company, freeze 10% of each of the shareholder's stock for two years, or until the problem is fixed.

Most companies would be secure before the next quarter.

(And a lot of politicians would find lose campaign funds next election, so win/win!)

4
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Sadly very true

"Company officers actually have a legal duty to operate the company in a financially responsible manner."

Indeed they do.

But this is like a bank deciding: "The clients money is insured anyway, so why build an expensive vault? Just store the cash in cardboard boxes in the back room."

Bank saves millions, but would you call it "financially responsible"?

0
0

Game over: IANA power-grab block pulled from Congress funding bill

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I heard Cruz

"I heard Cruz last Friday at a Tea Party rally in Kingwood, Texas. He insisted that we would turn the Internet over to international terrorists and thugs over his dead body."

Unfortunately, just another promise he has no intention of keeping.

5
0

Half! a! billion! Yahoo! email! accounts! raided! by! 'state! hackers!'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: What is this I don't even

Hackers strongly believed to be state-sponsored

"What does that even mean!"

My take:

Some kid, living in estate housing, bored, with access to a computer.

7
0

My God, I've got nothing on! Microsoft's $200m Wunderlist is down

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Good old analog?

"There are so many sensible reasons millions of people use Todo/Tasklist software."

Really? Many? I can only think of one, but it is a corker.

The phone is right there, in my pocket. Whip it out, tap notepad*, make the note, job done.

*that's "notepad", not Notepad™. Also, it doesn't sync, use the web, or anything "cutting edge". It just let's me make notes, on my phone, Which I always have with me.

1
0

WTF ... makes mobile phone batteries explode?

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Reportedly they were "squeezing" the batteries to try to fit more capacity in the same volume, and that was done incorrectly in some cases which either put the + and - too close together, or the layer between them was damaged."

Or... They could have made the phones slightly thicker, and enabled them to use a more powerful, unsqueezed battery in the first place.

But that's crazy talk, innit?

4
0

Behold the fruit of your techie utopia: A $43 San Francisco fog-infused martini

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Fog-infused martini is quite good

"the fanny beer was cheaper earlier, but they've stuck it up since....."

Oh... Just... BOOOOO!

(Have an upvote!) ☺

0
0

Microsoft deletes Windows 10 nagware from Windows 7 and 8

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Windows Update is unbelievably shit

"If it wasn't a dark art it was certainly an Adventure."

Jumping through hoops, avoiding hidden pitfalls, only to be told, "the update you're looking for is in another KB$Number".

Is Nadella secretly a frustrated plumber?

0
0

New Gnome emerges blinking into the sunlight

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Old dog

"As far as I am concerned smart phones and touch sensitive sceens are not Wow! New! but 'How can we make computers smaller and cheaper and still have some utility in them'"

Touch sensitive screens on phones are actually all about, "How can we cut out the costs of designing resilient, usable keyboards, and make it sound sexy?"

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: It's still smartphone-GUI-on-a-workstation.

"GNOME 3 is incredibly efficient, fast, beautiful and ergonomic."

OK, granted. Now if someone would just write a decent desktop user interface for it, it'd be perfect!

0
0

Victoria Police warn of malware-laden USB sticks in letterboxes

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: If something is free...

"Or we grew too many courgettes and we're giving away the surplus, Mr. Glass-half-empty!"

Please... NO!

We're just ending the yearly nightmare season here; where if you leave an unattended vehicle unlocked, you're liable to find it full of tomatoes and zucchini when you return!

2
0

Greybeards beware: Hair dye for blokes outfit Just For Men served trojan

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Fancy that!

Amen! You go to the store, buy product, use product... what part of that requires logging into a passworded site?

What service could they provide, aside from maybe a support group?

"Hi, my name is Ken, and I dye my hair."

"Well DUH! We all do here!"

0
0

HPE sells off 'non-core' software assets

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Core"="Bone"

"HPE announced it was selling off a load of non-core software assets"

And once they've stripped this joint to the bone, they'll just throw the bone to the dogs.

High fives and bonuses all around, and off other companies to lather, rinse, repeat.

Does anyone in the upper ranks actually run a company any more, or is it all just "asset monetizing" until the company is gone?

2
0

Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Bah,

"bananas are radioactive !!"

Meh, just low yield potassium. Now Brazil nuts, on the other hand, can be 33% more radioactive than normal background, due to radium stored in the nut's fat.

Not stopped me from eating them though, they're tasty!

0
0

Apple seeks patent for paper bag - you read that right, a paper bag

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Maybe...

"Next on my list: Submit patent application for wheel."

Get in line.

Quote:"According to a November [2005] Washington

Post profile of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the agency

has, since 1790, granted about 30,000 patents to people who have

submitted unique designs to improve upon, if not reinvent, wheels."

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I wonder

"what former patent office clerk Albert Einstein would make of this."

Well, this kind of idiocy isn't new, just better publicised these days.

I'm sure that one day, pondering over the latest stack of approved patents that he had to file, he had a epiphany:

"If this kind of idiotic tripe is being approved by normal people, I must be a genius!"

Then he promptly formulated general relativity and left to teach at University.

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Is white paper green?

"How green is bleached paper?"

Ah, You caught the trick there.

The 60% post consumer (Pfft! "recycled" ain't good enough anymore?) brown paper is very green.

The process of bleaching it pure white, with all the waste products generated that have to be processed... not so much.

Buuut, they just don't mention that part, and everybody's happy!

2
0

We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Hamdogs-

Eh, prior art from the noughties.

1
0

Google buys startup biz, slurps up its NLP brains

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Can it handle slang?

Yeah, I'd really hate to see this situation in real life:

http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff2900/fc02860.htm

0
0

Pluto's emitting X-rays, and NASA doesn't quite know how

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: There was nothing in my horoscope about this this morning.

Well I'm an Ophiuchus*, and believe that no horoscope that leaves out signs can ever pretend to be accurate!**

*Yes, it's really a horoscope sign. It was left out to avoid 'unlucky 13', and to keep the signs from changing months year to year.

**Nah, I don't actually believe any of that mumbo-jumbo.

2
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: There was nothing in my horoscope about this this morning.

"And while we're on the subject, I think they made a mistake with 'dwarf planet', midget planet surely!"

I whole-heartedly agree!

Not a single one of the so called "Dwarf Planets" has a trace of anything resembling a beard! ☺

5
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: 1 word. Triboelectrification.

Makes me wonder... just how Triboelectric is frozen solid nitrogen, or ice at those low temps?

We've already seen that Pluto has active glaciers of nitrogen with mountain sized lumps of water ice 'floating' on them.

Maybe colliding water ice chunks or stress fractures in the solid nitrogen might be generating the X-rays?

1
0

Emacs and Vim both release first new updates in years

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

So neither...

is quite ready as a stand alone OS yet? ☺

Maybe next version.

16
0

You call it 'hacking.' I call it 'investigation'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

My ID setup with the bank is simple

If they need to contact me, they send me a letter.*

I show up, show my driver's license and bank card.

Then we discuss things face to face.

I see no need to change things.

*Yes, snail mail.

4
0

Slack adds 'All Unreads' view

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Throw us non-hipsters a bone

A few words explaining what Slack is wouldn't be too much trouble, would it?

Here I was wondering whether Slackware was updating, or WTF, when did the the Church of the Subgenius digitise Slack?

Eh, DDG to the rescue.

0
0

Google GPS grab felt like a feature, was actually a bug

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: We identified a bug affecting a small number of users

Yes, it's always "a small number" isn't it? Even if it's a corp's entire user base of over a billion, it's still "a small number" compared to astronomical terms, isn't it?

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Netguard is your friend

"Shhh! Google will banish it as an inappropriate application if they get to hear of this..."

There's always F-droid: https://f-droid.org/repository/browse/?fdid=eu.faircode.netguard

1
0

The Internet of Things isn't just for Bluetooth toothbrushes, y'know

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: “The Web of Things was coined in 2007 by a couple of researchers and myself,”

"It's 'a couple researchers and me' or ' I and a couple researchers coined...'"

Rebuttal: "Me genius that make web of things thing. Not need know good words grammar."

3
0

Hacker and chums jailed over gold bullion hack, track 'n' grab scam

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Ca fait mal

"Protip: If you haven't any morals and want to make money at computer crime, look for a successful business model and copy it. Ransomware seems to work well."

Nah, nah, go for banking. Then when you royally fuck up and get caught out, the Government'll pay you to keep doing it!

3
0

'What this video game needs is actual footage of real gruesome deaths'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Here's an idea, PETA, write your own damn game

Good idea.

They could base it on their "animal shelters", and show exactly how fast they gas animals in their care.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=peta+animal+shelter+scandal&ia=web

More like: PETA: People Exterminating Terrified Animals

74
0

Delete Google Maps? Go ahead, says Google, we'll still track you

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

I just couldn't resist!

"A saboteur, eh?"

Wooden shoe like to know?

>dives out window<

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"What's an 'app' ?"

It's 'Happy' with it's head and tail cut off.

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Do no evil

"Anyone still remember that one?"

It's still Google's motto. They've just added a bit to it:

"Do no evil, we're watching you!"

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Well, if not wanting to be tracked 24/7, or not having every facet of my life sent to Shady Corp. and sifted through to better "monetize" me for their profit, and shared with every suspicious, dodgy government agency out there, makes me a luddite, well, I'll just fetch my wooden clogs.

17
0

Ad flog Plus: Adblock Plus now an advertising network, takes cash to broker web banners

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"If the ads are genuinely non-intrusive and no malware gets through, then maybe."

And when (not if) malware gets through, this could bite them in the arse, since it makes AB+ the target to sue.

15
0

Is there paper in the printer? Yes and it's so neatly wrapped!

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: No lazy stereotyping?

"Not a lot, mind - all it takes is just a little bit more than your PHB knows."

So:

A. The monitor has an on/off switch, and is not the computer.

B. The big box under it, or under the desk, has an on/off switch, and is not a hard drive.

C. These two need to have a cable connecting them, plus each needs to be plugged into a power outlet, and both need to be switched on for proper operation.

D. If the computer is not connected to the network, either by WiFi or a cable, Facebook and linkedIn will not be available.

E. The wireless mouse and keyboard both need to be on if you want to use the computer.

a.Yes, they both have off/on switches.

b. They both also need batteries.

If the PHB uses a laptop, substitute these for A through C above:

A. It didn't update to Win10 again, did it?

B. Is it on?

Yes, that's different from standby or hibernating.

Yes, it will hibernate by itself if you leave it alone long enough.

C. When was the last time it was plugged in to recharge?

The above covers about 90% of the problems the PHB has encountered.

"Is our internet provider up?, and, "were they paid last month?" handles about another 9.9%

Did I leave anything out? ☺

11
0

Google hover-drones to drop burritos on campus

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Keeping food warm in the air

"But next time I'd go to the food truck and get one much more quickly."

Yeah, and that could be even more convenient!

Didn't one of Trump's supporters promise us that, if Hillary was elected, there'd be a taco truck on every corner?*

They usually sell burritos too!

*Why, yes, he did!

0
1

Save us, Jack Dorsey!

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"concerns about Russian "social cyberattacks" that would use sock puppet accounts to spread misinformation in the run-up to the presidential balloting."

Concerns about Russia!? Can they even squeeze any misinformation in between what the current Republican and Democratic parties are doing?

0
0

Microsoft wearable makes lazy lardies pay to play on the couch

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

OK, so a bracelet that automatically deducts money from your account to donate to charity...

Brought to you by a company with a major board member and stockholder that coincidentally runs a major charity.

Geez, wonder who picks who gets the money?

Yeah, I sound cynical as Hell, but this is MS we're talking about here.

4
5

Apple: Crisis? What innovation crisis? BTW, you like our toothbrush?

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: iPhone7 - pay more, get less

"By the way, when is the iPhone 8 coming out. I want one. NOW!"

Details about the iPhone 8 are already leaking*.

*"Leaking", as in "taking the piss".☺

2
0

Kaspersky to 1337 haxors: take down our power grid. We dare you

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Chess?

Pah! Real men play Jarts™!

A virtual beer to anyone that gets the obscure reference.

1
0

Star Trek's Enterprise turns 50 and still no sign of a warp drive. Sigh

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: It is all wishful thinking

"Yeah, it looks like we pretty much know how the universe works at the lowest levels."

Hubris much?

The same thing was said in Victorian times, the Renaissance, and in Ancient Greece, Egypt and Sumeria.

Yet we still keep saying, "This is odd...", and finding something novel to us.

1
1
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: How old would those naysayers be?

"Context: If said gentleman says to go up against the laws of nature, he is probably a crank."

Further context: The "laws of nature" are made by men to describe how they interpret nature. If something violates those laws, it's Man's law that was violated, not Nature's.

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"you cannot accelerate anything in normal space-time faster than the speed of light."

Well, technically you can't accelerate matter to the speed of light, but there's nothing in the maths that says you can't go faster.

For practical purpose, it amounts to the same thing for now, but if some bright spark figures out how to jump/tunnel/warp/dodge past that barrier, then the next challenge would be, "How the feck do I slow down, now?"

0
1

Forums