* Posts by Captain DaFt

3197 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

China is building a full scale replica of the Titanic to repeatedly crash into iceberg

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: What's on the menu?

"More like pork. Don't ask How I know that...

.

.

.

I SAID DON'T ASK!"

Geez, no need to bite my head off!

2
0

BAE Systems' autonomous research aircraft flies itself to Scotland

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Maybe this is me being dumb...

"Or am i missing some bafflingly-obvious distinction?"

British company makes autonomous aeroplane.

It immediately buggers off to Scotland.

10
0

US election pollsters weren't (very) wrong – statistically speaking

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: The OTHER key factor pollsters failed to account for was

The other, other factor was the polls were concerned with Democrat vs. Republican candidate.

This election was viewed by voters as insider vs outsider.

It boiled down to the perception that Hillary=more years of same old shit vs. Trump=brick through the window to show they're pissed.

Both Republican and Democratic parties should take this election as a shot across the bow.

4
0

Google turns on free public NTP servers that SMEAR TIME

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Instead of another work-around we need to fix the underlying problem.

Well, since the problem is due to the effects of tides caused by the Moon, take the military option and Nuke the Moon!

"We stand today on a great threshold of History. After this war with Luna, the lunanites will no longer be able to steal our precious Earth's rotation! >click<."

0
0

Windows 10 market share growth just barely has a pulse

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Windows 11

I look forward to Windows (N) finally getting it right.

Funny, people have been saying that for forty years now! ☺

(My, how time flies!)

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: re: Some software Microsoft wrote to promote linux and Macs.

"or a third party will give a better option"

If This one included a web browser, I'd switch in a minute for home use!

(But then, I still have a soft spot for old school.) ☺

0
0

Axel Springer boss defends Facebook in fake news controversy

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Meanwhile:

FaceBook's actively blocking access to a Fake News filter.

Sounds like they're really committed, doesn't it?

1
0

Eugene Kaspersky is now personally defending your feet

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Obvious question:

How badly do these socks slow me down when I run?

2
0

Tobacco giant predicts the end of smoking. Panic ensues

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I think you just nailed it Andrew...

"Was their real goal saving the planet? Or did they just hate people deriving pleasure and utility from the use of cars and cheap air travel?"

"I think the answer is most certainly yes to the latter. There is also a lot of free money in NGO work."

It's a mindset. I call'em PATs, People against things, They define themselves by what they're against. The more common and public the thing, the better.

5
2

Chernobyl cover-up: Giant shield rolled over nuclear reactor remains

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Ahhh... the Smoking Olympics. Whatever happened to that?"

Never really caught fire. It was just a pipe dream, after all. ☺

3
0

Vegans furious as Bank of England admits ‘trace’ of animal fat in £5 notes

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"And I can't help wondering about more obscure animal products."

Not obscure, but not obvious: At one time or another, almost all the water on this planet has been part of a living, breathing animal. ☺

1
0

Outlook.com is still not functioning properly for some Microsoft punters

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Microsoft will fix it

"I think 5150 would be much more descriptive..."

Microsoft 503 seems the most accurate.

0
0

Microsoft's Neon project to redesign Windows for nerd goggles – reports

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"I'm almost certain that any VR or AR developed by Microsoft will be stealth-patched to include advertising on any available space."

You mean like this?

Yeah, The future's really looking rosy, ain't it?

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Coming Next Christmas! (2030-2050-ish)

If MS GUI twits were to design a construction toy, I get the feeling it'd involve a mix of oddly shaped Lego blocks, construction paper, erector set girders, Lincoln logs, and Tinkertoy sticks, packed with a blob of Bluetack and a roll of Duck tape, and call it Optimus Prime!*

And they'd hail it as, "The only toy for all your needs!"

*No scissors or tape for the paper, no nuts and bolts for the erector set parts, and no hubs for the tinker toy sticks unless you bought the "Factory production model" on a $10,000 a year (per family member) license.

4
0

Shhhhh! If you're quiet, Linus Torvalds might release new a Linux

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: This is a genuine question to all software devlopers...

"with most (closed source) software these release candidates would not be seen outside of the organisation that writes it."

If only that were true. Too many times, closed source software that'd barely qualify as a FOSS early Beta is shipped as "the latest and greatest".

Unfortunately, as AndrueC stated above:

"So we have to be pragmatic and choose a level of quality based upon the target market and what that market will tolerate."

And the Market's been trained to tolerate some pretty shitty quality software.

3
0

Have some sympathy for the AT&T devil

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: "Have some sympathy for the AT&T devil"

"Maybe no one in your offshoot cared about the customer, but many other parts do."

[citation needed]

5
1

NASA sets fire to stuff in SPAAACE. On purpose. Because science

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: How does this work?

"In the videos I see what looks like a flame travelling from right to left."

I figure it's because of the decaying orbit.

Since the module is decelerating, the heavier, cooler air gets 'forced' to the front, pushing the lighter, hot gasses to the rear.

Just a guess.

1
1

CompSci Prof raises ballot hacking fears over strange pro-Trump voting patterns

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

From the article:

"I believe the most likely explanation is that the polls were systematically wrong, rather than that the election was hacked."

So even the good boffin himself thinks it's most likely just the polls were wrong, but in the next breath:

" But I don’t believe that either one of these seemingly unlikely explanations is overwhelmingly more likely than the other,"

The "most likely explanation", suddenly becomes "one of these seemingly unlikely explanations"?

(I mean, it's not like polls were ever wrong in politics before, right?)

I think the good professor still can't wrap his head around the fact Trump actually won*, and is looking for any excuse.

*To be fair, I can't either!

4
17

Stay out of my server room!

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Beware cheap combo locks

A rather nice hack for those cheap keypads is to put two buttons in serial.

Example:

Combination 1-2-3-4*, 4 and 7 wired in series,

becomes 1-2-3-[4&7 pressed simultaneously].

Nobody expects pressing two buttons at the same time!

*Yes, yes, you have the same combination on your luggage.

2
0

International Space Station celebrates 18th birthday in true style – by setting trash on fire

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Orbital mechanics is a particularly nasty branch of math"

Oof! No kidding. Just a simple one-tangent transfer orbit formula set as an example:

Calculate the eccentricity of the transfer orbit:

et = pt(DU) / r1(DU) - 1 (for an outbound transfer)

et = 1 - pt(DU) / r2(DU) (for an inbound transfer)

Calculate the semi-major axis of the transfer orbit:

at(DU) = r1(DU) / (1 - et) (for an outbound transfer)

at(DU) = r2(DU) / (1 + et) (for an inbound transfer)

Calculate the spacecraft's initial velocity (which is the same as the orbital velocity of its initial orbit):

vorb1(DU/TU) = Sqrt[mu(DU^3/TU^2) / r1(DU)]

Calculate the velocity of the transfer orbit at insertion:

v1(DU/TU) = Sqrt[mu(DU^3/TU^2) * (2 / r1(DU) - 1 / at(DU))]

Calculate the insertion burn:

DeltaV1(DU/TU) = v1(DU/TU) - vorb1(DU/TU)

Calculate the orbital velocity of the destination orbit:

vorb2(DU/TU) = Sqrt[mu(DU^3/TU^2) / r2(DU)]

Calculate the velocity of the transfer orbit at the destination:

v2(DU/TU) = Sqrt[mu(DU^3/TU^2) * (2 / r2(DU) - 1 / at(DU))]

Calculate the arrival burn:

DeltaV2(DU/TU)^2 = v2(DU/TU)^2 + vorb2(DU/TU)^2 - 2 * vorb2(DU/TU) * Sqrt[mu(DU^3/TU^2) *pt(DU)] / r2(DU)

Calculate the total DeltaV required for the transfer:

DeltaV(DU/TU) = DeltaV1(DU/TU) + DeltaV2(DU/TU)

Calculate the true anomaly at the interception point:

Cos[nu2(radians)] = (pt(DU) / r2(DU) - 1) / et (for an outbound transfer)

Cos[nu2(radians)] = (pt(DU) / r1(DU) - 1) / et (for an inbound transfer)

Calculate the eccentric anomaly at the interception point:

E(radians) = ArcCos[(et + Cos[nu(radians)]) / (1 + et * Cos[nu(radians)])] (for an outbound transfer)

E(radians) = 2 * pi - ArcCos[(et + Cos[nu(radians)]) / (1 + et * Cos[nu(radians)])] (for an inbound transfer)

Calculate the time required for the transfer:

TOF(TU) = Sqrt[at(DU)^3 / mu(DU^3/TU^2)] * (E(radians) - et * Sin[E(radians)]) (for an outbound transfer)

TOF(TU) = Sqrt[at(DU)^3 / mu(DU^3/TU^2)] * (E(radians) - et * Sin[E(radians)] - pi) (for an inbound transfer)

And yet... Toss a frisbee and your dog takes off after it, jumps and catches it perfectly, his brain doing essentially the same formula.

And this from an animal that can barely be taught to count to three!

0
0

Google declares victory for its Wifi router before it's even shipped

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: How often does it...

"It pre-caches all of the Google based ads during quiet times."

Dah-yum! How many yottabytes of storage does that little box have?

0
0

Donald Trump confirms TPP to be dumped, visa program probed

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: A mission statement is NOT a plan

"Who's going to write the code for this AI?"

Self modifying code, no humans needed.

Of course, two months after the last human is eliminated, the whole system goes quiet...

Except in a small, heavily fortified room some where, a terminal continually beeps with this message on the screen:

An unexpected error has occurred.

Press 'Enter' to continue,

any other key to quit.

1
0

Facebook Fake News won it for Trump? That's a Zombie theory

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"I've seen Fox news, and that stuff is a loooooooooooooong way from Objective!"

You do know that Fox News sued for, and won the right to lie and distort news, didn't you?

Quote:

"During their appeal, FOX asserted that there are no written rules against distorting news in the media. They argued that, under the First Amendment, broadcasters have the right to lie or deliberately distort news reports on public airwaves. Fox attorneys did not dispute Akre’s claim that they pressured her to broadcast a false story, they simply maintained that it was their right to do so. After the appeal verdict WTVT general manager Bob Linger commented, “It’s vindication for WTVT, and we’re very pleased… It’s the case we’ve been making for two years. She never had a legal claim.”"

From here: http://projectcensored.org/11-the-media-can-legally-lie/

3
0

AI gives porn peddlers a helping hand

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Lack of Research

"I imagine it will improve fast if it's being actively developed."

Or exposing an AI to this could result in...

"Eww! Humans are disgusting! Release the terminators!"

0
0

User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Can you hold down the power button

"That's if we can find the light switch."

It's right here, somewhere in the Home lighting Control App's menu on my Pixel... >scroll< ... >scroll< ... >scroll< ... >scroll<...>scroll< ... Ah! Here it is, "My Office Light" >tap<

4
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Some people need toilet paper bearing instructions in large print..."

Page one: How To Find Your Arse With Both Hands.

2
0

Experts to Congress: You must act on IoT security. Congress: Encourage industry to develop best practices, you say?

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: You see, these IT security experts approached this testimony in the wrong way...

"Now, if before testifying Schneier and Co. had hired DDoS R' Us to take down U.S. political fundraising websites, THAT would have engendered a sufficient sense of urgency."

True, a similar campaign worked before, even if it wasn't the intended effect.

1
0

Antivirus tools are a useless box-ticking exercise says Google security chap

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Back in my Windows days

I always used anti-virus (mostly Clam) malware guard, and Startup Guard.

If the AV didn't catch something, the malware guard usually would.

if all else failed, SG would usually stop it from running.

The one time I was pwned and had to install and restore from scratch?

My sister sent me a CD of Trappist hymns she thought I'd like.

Put it in, hit play, system collapsed like a house of cards.

Seems the CD had a rootkit on it... Thanks Sony! >:P

1
0

Mozilla launches 'privacy edition' Firefox... that phones home

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Generic web privacy policy in use

We watch everything you do to ensure your privacy.

3
1

'Post-truth' beats 'chatbot' to Word of the Year Crown

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"If you ever find the truth, post it."

Well, I heard some guy named Diogenes was looking for it... until someone stole his lamp. :(

2
0

FYI Apple fans – iCloud slurps your call histories

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: They store records of my voice calls ??

"Voice calls? What's a voice call?

I don't understand."

It's an undocumented iPhone feature.

In case of emergency, an iPhone can actually be used as a makeshift phone!

Is there nothing Apple can't do!?

7
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Personally, I never got syncing

My desktop, mp3 player, netbook, phone, and game systems are all different devices with different ecosystems, filling different needs.

Info that's relevant to one is useless on another, since I only do work on one, play different games, and web surf different sites due to what I do on each.

When there's a need to crossover, a simple USB cord, SD card or USB stick supplies all the interconnect I need, no cloud needed.

Of course each user's needs are different, YMMV, etc., etc.

6
0

Facebook 'fesses up to fudged ad metrics … again

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: They got the numbers wrong...

"... which means that the charges to the advertiser were also wrong, right? So there will be lots of refunds going out, no?"

Refunds? Wrong?

Nah, it's all covered under the EULA !

0
0

KCL staff offered emotional support, clergy chat to help get over data loss

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: counselling for data loss????

Would make for a surreal scene in a monster movie:

Angry crowd with torches and pitch forks storm Frankenstein's castle because his monster has wreaked havoc.

Baron Frankenstein then appears on the parapet and announces:

"Good News! I've arranged anger management counseling classes for all!"

1
0

TfL to track Tube users in stations by their MAC addresses

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"It's nothing of the sort. It's not anonymous at all, being tied to your network traffic and location."

So you're saying that:

"XXXX XXXXX who owns an iPhone 7, mac address 00:1a:c2:7b:00:47 takes the 7:15 commuter bus from Tally Ho subdivision station to downtown Abes and Stalping junction station near the Cremel Building weekdays.

Normally sending emails related to business with Cremel industry's IT dept., or surfing theregister.co.uk under the username "Boo-dah" in route.

Then normally uses the same station to return to the Tally Ho subdivision at 21:15 mon-thur, normally texting Mrs. XXXXX at 121 Foxing St.

On Fridays the 23:00 from Kipling station is used to return to Tally Ho Subdivision station after receiving two or more texts from Mrs. XXXX at 121 Foxing St.

Might actually be used to figure out XXXX XXXXX's real identity?

Surely not!

18
0

A-Oh-Well: Internet corpse sheds 500 workers

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Baaahhhhhh Humbug

Yeah, but a pink slip is a lousy Christmas present. :(

1
0

Mac book, whoa! Apple unveils $300 design tome

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"I expect to see copies adorning coffee tables in the reception areas of design agencies, Silicon Roundabout startups, etc etc."

OH! I get it now! Presence of the book is a secret sign and a warning: "Here Be Pretentious Wankers".

OK, in that case, the book is worth every penny!

0
0

If you can chdir you can hack CA's Unified Infrastructure Manager

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"CA bought Nimsoft in 2010 to get its hands on the “single pane of glass” monitoring system, covering servers, networks, storage, and databases."

Then someone, chucked a brick through the pane.

0
0

Lenovo intros monster disk box

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Price....I missed the price

If you have to ask... ☺

3
0

Post-outage King's College London orders staff to never make their own backups

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Obligatory xkcd is obligatory."

A bit like the joke about the old comedians home: I didn't even need to mouse over the link to know it was number 705.

Am I too far gone to the nerd side to be helped?

3
0

Stolen passwords integrated into the ultimate dictionary attack

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: What's a "security-savvy user"

Geez, doesn't Cleese think The UK has suffered enough after Brexit?

This is like throwing a posh dinner party and insisting the neighboring hooligans attend!

0
0

'Pavement power' - The bad idea that never seems to die

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"and the floor was squishy and slightly annoying to walk on, a bit like wet sand."

And there's the big gap between marketing and reality right there.

After having to slog over an energy sapping sidewalk just once, how many are going to avoid it by taking another route, or just saying "Fuck it, it's only two blocks, but we'll drive, it's easier!"

3
1

Martian 'ice cauldrons' are prime spot to hunt LGMs, say boffins

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Planetary Protection Programme

"And in that case, I'd like to think we wouldn't go inhabit Mars if we find any LGM there. It is their planet, not ours."

Not if they don't have a flag!

If it works for countries, it'll work for planets.

1
0

Microsoft, Slack et al will 'laugh their asses off' at IBM's biz messaging tool

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I don't get it

"This is friggin' IBM."

No, this is IBM.

It's been years since they actually depended on computer services financially.

These days they're literally a bank hiding behind a technical facade.

2
0

Shhh! Shazam is always listening – even when it's been switched 'off'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

'Shazam takes user privacy very seriously'

"Funny how this term is abused so frequently."

Seems plain enough to me; They take your privacy away and are very serious about it.

4
0

Swedish prosecutor finally treks to London to question Julian Assange

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: He faces no threat from the U.S. now

Why not? Nixon got one.

2
0

NHS IT bod sends test email to 850k users – and then responses are sent 'reply all'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: 'Short' delay?

"pillocks that think 'reply to all' is a good idea because they're soooo important they feel the rest of the NHS absolutely MUST know how irritated they are at receiving an email that says 'test'."

"Test" as the message was (and is) a bad idea for testing emails.

Should have used "Only idiots reply to this message."

2
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Wasn't clear to begin with

How nineties.

These days the correct response is to post the offending email on twitter with the hashtag: #pleasedonotreplyalltothisemail!

(He said with tongue firmly in cheek)

0
0

Adult FriendFinder users get their privates exposed... again – reports

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I'm getting reluctant to sign up for ANYTHING

And now, a few pearls of wisdom from Fats Waller:

"Never give em your real name...NO NO NO""

"One never knows, do one?"

"If you don't know what it is, don't mess with it."

2
0

Zuckerberg says just one per cent of news on Facebook is fake

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Let's go to a dictionary!

"... more than 99% of what people see is authentic"

And look up this word "authentic" to see what Zuck means.

Ah! Definition 2b:

b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features <an authentic reproduction of a colonial farmhouse>

So Facebook's news is crafted to look right the real thing then?

The 1% he's complaining about must be actual news that slipped through then.

3
0

Forums