* Posts by Captain DaFt

2994 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Fake Twitter accounts, coup plots ... Wacky Hyperloop One lawsuit turns it up to 11

Captain DaFt
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So, do I have this right?

Subject A has a bucket of Fairy Dust™, that he promises to sprinkle over investors and multiply their riches.

Subject B thinks this is a great scam, but rather that get his own bucket of Fairy Dust™, starts squabbling that he should have Subject A's, because... PROFIT!

Lawyers start sharpening their knives and ordering new yachts.

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FBI Director wants 'adult conversation' about backdooring encryption

Captain DaFt
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Re: Dear FBI

"How about setting up a "safe area" for the dear FBI Director wherein he can navel-gaze in peace and pursue the self-indulgent logic of "anything goes, because I'm the good guy"?"

Well, there are already many state sponsored sanitariums set up for just such a purpose, but alas, they are woefully underfunded. So the psychiatric profession is not a diligent as it should be.

Maybe if we diverted some of the spook funding to them instead?

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AT&T trash talks Google over Fiber fiasco: Leave ISP stuff to the experts

Captain DaFt
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Re: AT&T hasn't even tried

This one's more to the point: https://youtu.be/CHgUN_95UAw

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Li-Fi with my little eye … a vulnerability

Captain DaFt
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Re: Is this really an issue ?

"Climbing up to the ceiling to replace a light is not inconspicuous,"

Someone dressed like a janitor comes in, says he needs to do PM(preventive maintenance) on the light fixtures.

Do you do more than give an annoyed grunt and carry on what you're doing?

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Pump-priming the new ampere: NIST works to count electrons in silicon

Captain DaFt
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"How broken can it actually be if it's been around since 1946 in its current form?"

Well for everyday uses, like commercial electronics and bog standard electrical engineering, it works just fine.

It's when the physicists get down to nano and particle physics experiments, the current system is a bit too loose for accuracy.

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Microsoft Outlook.com redecoration delay rumors: THE TRUTH

Captain DaFt
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"This just further tells me that MS's left hand hasn't a clue what the right hand is doing"

It's really just a matter of determining whether it's aiming for the left foot or the right foot this time.

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SpaceX Dragon capsule lands in Pacific carrying 12 moustronauts

Captain DaFt
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Re: Deja Vu

"On 13 December 1958, a Jupiter IRBM, AM-13, was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with a United States Navy-trained South American squirrel monkey named Gordo on board. ... The nose cone sank 1,302 nautical miles (2,411 km) downrange from Cape Canaveral and was not recovered."

Hence the origin of seamonkeys?

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Having offended everyone else in the world, Linus Torvalds calls own lawyers a 'nasty festering disease'

Captain DaFt
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Re: So?

"except Linux is much more successful than Unix."

And the reason? Because all the Unix vendors were perpetually engaged at throwing sueballs at one another. By the time it was sorted out (and probably the reason it was), Linux had taken its place in most of the market.

Point scored for Linus there.

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Captain DaFt
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Linus Torvalds is abrasive

And in other news, water is wet.

However;

A. When he's abrasive, there's usually a damned good reason.

B. I'd rather have someone vent at me, then tell me how to fix it when I'm wrong, than smile in my face and stab me in the back without giving me a clue.

So, although I'd probably end up calling him a cunt twice a week, I wouldn't mind working for him, because I'd always know exactly where I stand.

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Tech fails miserably in Forbes' most innovative companies

Captain DaFt
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Of course these are the kind of companies that a person who takes Forbes seriously would select as "innovative".

To them, "innovative" means, "I can profit from investing in it!"

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Google 'Solitaire' ... Just do it

Captain DaFt
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Did you try "elgooG"?

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New booze guidelines: We'd rather you didn't enjoy yourselves

Captain DaFt
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Oh dear, dear...

Instead of wasting endless funds, er, funding these studies designed to scare people into living a life worth living, why don't they just link to already existent papers?

Like Here,

and here.

Thank you, and I'll only ask 10% of the savings to the Government budget, if that's convenient. :)

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Corporates ARE sniffing around Windows 10, says Computacenter

Captain DaFt
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Re: Corporates will change there O/S only when they have too

"would you chance running the entire corporate fleet on an unsupported OS with a long and well founded reputation for insecurity?"

You yourself pointed out how Microsoft is leaving a shorter and shorter time the latest Windows is supported.

So therefore, most do, every time they move to the latest version of Windows.

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Larry Page snuffs out ‘too expensive’ Google Fiber project

Captain DaFt
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I'll get the shovel

Just another body for the Google Graveyard.

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WhatsApp is to hand your phone number to Facebook

Captain DaFt
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Re: To FB or not FB, that is the question.

"Thank the gods that I don't have an Facebook account!"

Yes you do, you just can't see it... unless you open an account.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: FUCK OFF

"but they have all your data not from you but by your friends and so who do use these services"

Too true. Facebook tracks you via your friends that use Facebook, and via trackers on the websites you visit.

They maintain so called "Shadow Profiles" on non face book members:

http://www.zdnet.com/article/firm-facebooks-shadow-profiles-are-frightening-dossiers-on-everyone/

And track or infer 98 data points from your web behaviour.

http://gizmodo.com/all-of-the-creepy-things-facebook-knows-about-you-1785510980

Facebook makes the old Stasi look like a bunch of slackers.

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Radicalisation? UK.gov gets itself in cluster-muddle over 'terrorism'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Alternatives

"I am not convinced that being scattered in pieces on a battlefield either from wearing a bomb or just being hit by one is an advert for a better life."

But it is an enticing escape for a lot of people suffering hopelessness, despair, and violence, especially since they're told it's a sure ticket to Paradise.

It's not just them either. World Wars 1 and 2 had chaplains on the battle fields exhorting the troops to lay down their lives for God and Country™, and God would welcome them to Heaven with open arms.

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Pizza delivery by drone 'trialled' in New Zealand

Captain DaFt
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Re: Stooopeed!

Alternative alternative plan, satellite delivered pizza!

(Please step outside before ordering)

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Kindle Paperwhites turn Windows 10 PCs into paperweights: Plugging one in 'triggers a BSOD'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Drivers everywhere

"Our IT folks are running short of keyboards, and the looks they are casting in my direction are not friendly ones..."

You might want to invest in some cling wrap to cover your keyboard before reading El Reg. It never pays to get the BOFH's attention. :)

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Captain DaFt
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Re: is there a comprehensive list of cockups?

"How exactly didn't they listen to their customers...every heard of the Windows insider program."

It's just a modern version of the old corporate suggestion box.

Only difference is this one dumps to /null instead of a waste bin.

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Windows Update borks PowerShell – Microsoft won't fix it for a week

Captain DaFt
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Re: Repair

"Someone above posted that it would be a good time to open a Windows repair shop. In brief ; I would rather gnaw my arm off rather than try to fix Windows 10."

Rather than repair, collect. Just emulate the plague scene from Monty Python and The Holy Grail:

Pull a cart through the suburbs labeled WINDOWS 10, ringing a bell, and chanting, "Bring out your dead.", Profit!

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Captain DaFt
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Ah, Microsoft

Is there anything about Windows they won't screw up?

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NASA's free research trove may have broken arms trafficking rules

Captain DaFt
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Re: NASA: past its sell-by date

"Read a space book today and it's pablum."

I dunno, this site: http://www.projectrho.com/public_html/rocket/index.php is a pretty good read, discusses a lot of rocket theory and practicality.

(Scroll straight down to the bottom to get to the actual links. They push their Patreon pretty hard.)

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French, German ministers demand new encryption backdoor law

Captain DaFt
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Re: Easy Solution.... For Da ter'rists

Defeat all back doors by couriers carrying hidden micro-SD cards, or just swap "family snaps" on Facebook with the occasional stenography, or with coded messages like "Look how well the wife's dahlias are doing this year"*.

Backdoors are useless at best, harmful at worst. They're a placebo for the paranoids in power.

[Look how well] -Louvre, France- [the wife's dahlias] -10:00 UST, April 12- [this year] -next year-

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Watch the world's biggest 'flying bum' go arse over tit in a crash

Captain DaFt
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Optional Headline:

"Flying Butt Lands Arse Down"?

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Touchy iPhone 6, 6 Plus chips prone to breaking down and giving up

Captain DaFt
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"BTW does anyone else have 69 minutes to edit their posts now?"

>Fnar< Maybe El Reg thinks you're too sexy for your posts?>fnar<

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China's $30bn VC fund

Captain DaFt
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But of course,

"Dozens of countries have tried – and largely failed – to recreate the extraordinary culture and innovation attitude of Silicon Valley. The post-mortems on most of those efforts have concluded that the over-involvement of government agencies and the existence of too many rules and regulations have been behind their lack of success."

Most countries that tried went the route of insuring taxes will be paid, rules and regs applied along treaty lines to ensure that toes aren't stepped on with other countries and corps.

China sets itself up as a major stockholder in ventures, so no taxes needed, just profits. And as for regs and treaties?

The major stockholder (China), and consideration for the largest market (China), dictates how those will be followed.

Watch out World, this could be a major game changer!

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French submarine builder DCNS springs leak: India investigates

Captain DaFt
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" DCNS outbid Germany’s ThyssenKrupp, as well as a Japanese government-supported bid by a Mitsubishi and Kawasaki joint venture, to win the Australian contract."

Hm, able to get the winning low bid by cutting certain corners, like IT security, perhaps?

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No, we haven't found liquid water on Mars, says NASA

Captain DaFt
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Re: Grasping at water straws

"To establish a colony on Mars we'd first have to send the shielded structures for people to survive in while they assemble the machinery needed to excavate the sub-surface habitats - that's a lot of very heavy stuff that has to be got from Earth to Mars."

Or we could land at existing caves, and set up temporary shelters inside them whilst we build the permanent ones.

Take Olympus Mons, for example. Huge, HUGE, volcano, riddled with caves and tunnels.

Find an underground dome about 1-2 km across, preferably near the top for ease of getting on/off the planet (Did I mention that it's HY-UUUGE?), and set up a habitat in there for long term, or use smaller caves for short term outposts for exploration.

Natural rock shielding from solar/cosmic radiation, plus insulation from cold.

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Google broke its own cloud by doing two updates at once

Captain DaFt
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Re: Still planning to have these clown in your infrastructure?

"If you want some of the world's best engineers fixing it then do."

News Flash!: Google doesn't have some secret farm where they breed "the world's best engineers", they use the same labour pool that you do.

However, if you're just hiring someone to shout at, Then just hire someone that passed his exams because his mother passed him notes. All you're looking is a body to yell at, apparently no skill needed and works cheap.

If you want "the world's best engineers", expect to pay a decent wage.

The bonus you get is that when things go tits-up, you'll have them there and working on your system first, instead of fixing some other company's system so that they can get around to yours... eventually.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Change management 101

"However, if you go by a few measures:-"

I'd add one more:

8) Do you have a mitigation policy in place for the problem(s) you've warned management about, that they either chose to ignore, or simply waved away as "not in the budget"?

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North Korea unveils its home-grown Netflix rival – Manbang

Captain DaFt
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Re: @AC Typical monolinguistic anglophone

"Please give us a few examples for our education and amusement."

A couple of stateside companies, Wang Laboratories and Fannie Mae.

One from France, DiC Entertainment, pronounced 'dick'.

Always brought a smile when a cartoon ended with a little girls voice chanting "DICK!"

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Blizzard blighted by another DDoS storm

Captain DaFt
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Re: Probably not a DDoS

So what probably happened:

Blizzard IT worker:"Server down? No probs, I... Crap! my shoes use Velcro, and I'm all out of gum!"

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Corbyn lied, Virgin Trains lied, Harambe died

Captain DaFt
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I think you mean: 1.0224443355643st?

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Microsoft buys Genee's lamp, tips it into Office 365, smashes lamp

Captain DaFt
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"Microsoft has bought aspiring digital assistant start-up Genee and will roll it into Office 365."

OK, when did MS start hiring Hollywood moguls for ideas?

The last thing any computer needs is, "Clippy: Rebooted!"

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

Captain DaFt
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Re: Satisfaction?

The most likely answer is that they have a profanity filter on their survey, and anyone telling MS exactly how they fell about Win10 can't get past it. :)

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Captain DaFt
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Re: MS is in decline, but Linux will never replace it

"Linux Mint and Linux Lite work straight out of the box."

Might I add, "While still in the box!"

Just set your computer to boot from usb, plug in stick with a live distro, and boot.

Doesn't even need installing these days to try out.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: The beginning of the end

"We are watching the beginning of the end of Microsoft."

Been watching that for way too long. Can't I just fast forward to the good part?

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ISS astronauts begin spacewalk to install new docking adapter

Captain DaFt
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Re: Don't drop that wrench

Wrench? They "dropped" a whole tool bag.

It floated away and later re-entered Earth's atmosphere.

On the plus side, it wasn't a classic Nokia. :)

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Five-hour Azure wobble

Captain DaFt
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Henceforth

I shall refer to Azure as "a raspberry jelly".

Because it's blue and wobbles every time they poke it.

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Banking system SWIFT was anything but on security, ex-boss claims

Captain DaFt
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SWIFT management responds:

-Why bother with computer defenses when billions are at stake, eh?-

SWIFT: "It's all somebody else's money, and we get paid up front, so No worries, eh?"

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Microsoft promises free terrible coffee every month you use Edge

Captain DaFt
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Whoa, hold on there!

"Microsoft's daily earnings restrictions which limit users to scoring 25 credits a day across 50 searches, 20 of which must be made on mobile."

So you have to use Edge, on mobile, to qualify?

And give up all privacy while doing so?

MS, Even you don't have enough money to pay me to do that!

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Scared of mobile banking

Captain DaFt
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OK, I'm curious

If three fourths of the people that refuse to bank online cited security as the reason, what reason did the other quarter give?

Couldn't remember their password?

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Two G4S call centre staff sacked over 999 answering scam

Captain DaFt
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Re: I chose the wrong career

"Turnip theft is no joke..."

And don't forget all those yokels falling off turnip wagons!

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Windows 10 needs proper privacy portal, says EFF

Captain DaFt
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Let's face it

The eternal game goes on, Once it was Bell Telephone ,today it's Microsoft.

To big to care, and powerful enough to ignore the Plebs.

You'll just have to wait until they inconvenience the Powers That Be™ before anything happens.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: "17.6946 metres, or about 118 pint glasses"

"126.39 standard linguini, for those of us prefer modern units of measurement"

Shows how far downhill El Reg has run... Pint glasses not a standard of measure here? Tsk.

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If this headline was a security warning, 90% of you would ignore it

Captain DaFt
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Re: I'm sorry ...

What?

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Physicists believe they may have found fifth force of nature

Captain DaFt
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Re: Matter/antimatter vs "regular"/"dark" matter

"The simple answer is "heat". The particles are speeding around and can't dump their kinetic energy (because they don't interact with anything)."

But if they don't interact with photons, how did they heat up in the first place?

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Matter/antimatter vs "regular"/"dark" matter

"so what keeps dark matter diffuse?"

Whatever it is, it helps create the Universe as we know it.

If dark matter wasn't kept diffuse, it'd clump inside regular matter, increasing the mass of stars of and planets until they collapsed into black holes.

(Most of the Universe's mass is allegedly dark matter, so the mass increase would be >ahem< astronomical.)

It's demonstrably not EM, strong or weak force, due to the lack of interaction with normal matter, so it must be another type of force(s).

Possibly the same force that's causing the Universe's expansion to accelerate?

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Verizon fingered in Android bloatware-for-cash cram scandal

Captain DaFt
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And exactly how much value does it have to me...

If someone has to pay someone else to force it on me?

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