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* Posts by Captain DaFt

1519 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Same old iPad? NO. The new 'soft SIMs' are BIG NEWS

Captain DaFt
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Re: Incoming Hacker/security snafu/corruption/duplication issue in 5..4..3..

Mr. Paranoid is screaming in my ear, that if carriers can be switched on the fly, how likely is it that to be abused by certain authorities?

After all, why wiretap or (HA!) get a warrant, when they can just slip them quietly over to their private little network whenever they want, for a full data buffet?

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Careless Whisper? Anonymous messaging app accused of stalking users, blabbing to Feds

Captain DaFt
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OK, who the Hell is this naive?

Sorry, but my assessment of average human intellect just took a nosedive.

Trusting your secrets to a third party, of unknown provenance, on their say-so? Just because they have a shiny app? And paid them for the privilege?

Baal's Balls, they didn't even pinkie swear not to tell!

...

The one silver lining is, that the zombie apocalypse will be short lived since they'll all rapidly starve for want of brains to feed on!

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The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters

Captain DaFt
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Re: Sad thing is...

Anything? Be careful what you ask for!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJTzTQgsS-4

Personally, I actually nearly fell out of the chair laughing (I got that light-headed), but some people have claimed to be suffering PTSD from listening to this.

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Microsoft left red-faced after DMCAs dished out to Windows bloggers

Captain DaFt
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A miscommunication?

Apparently Google thought Microsoft was exercising its 'Right to be forgotten'?

Hell, maybe they were.

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'Theoretical' Nobel economics explain WHY the tech industry's such a damned mess

Captain DaFt
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"I demand a simple proper name." (for the US)

Hmm, In my opinion, 'Arrogant' would fit properly these days.

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LOHAN crash lands on CNN

Captain DaFt
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"Is it just me though, or is that pipe empty? That'll never do."

Agreed. Given the spirit of this enterprise, I expect to see some bubbles!

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Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says

Captain DaFt
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Re: L stands for ?

>Sees everyone watching... waiting...<

Oh all right, I'll say it!

Lemon Curry?

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Radiohead(ache): BBC wants dead duck tech in sexy new mobes

Captain DaFt
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Re: Dead ducks

"To describe DAB as Dead Duck tech is a diservice to dead ducks."

I agree.

The whole debate resembles the 'Dead Parrot' skit from Monty Python.

For that one person that's not familiar with it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218

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PANTS on FIRE? Too late for you. But others will benefit from singed trouser phone alert

Captain DaFt
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From Star Trek

Here's a video simulating the battery in action:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbN02JG-QGE

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Greedy datagrabs, crap security will KILL the Internet of Thingies

Captain DaFt
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Re: sentient fridge

"I'm sorry Dave, you're too fat. I replaced your order of bacon with qu-acon."

If something like that ever happens to me in the future, I'm ready to do some old school hacking... With a Hatchet!

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Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

Captain DaFt
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Umm, it's nice and all...

But the only piece of home computer history I'd go seriously in hock for would be this lost treasure:

"REA Express terminated operations and filed for bankruptcy. As a result, the first Altair 8800 microcomputer was lost, as it had been shipped a few weeks earlier via REA and never arrived."

From: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Railway_Express_Agency

It could be sitting, Lost Ark style, in a crate in some dusty corner of a warehouse somewhere, but unfortunately was probably long since consigned to some landfill.

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Oracle hires former SAP exec for cloudy push

Captain DaFt
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"Ellison once described the cloud trend as “complete gibberish”, “insane” and “idiocy”." "Why the change of heart?"

Who said he had a change of heart? He probably still feels that way.

But... if people want to spend money on it, might as well sell it to them and grab those lucrative support fees.

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Jonny Ive: Flattered by rivals' designs? Nah, its 'theft'

Captain DaFt
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To quote Saint Jobs himself:

"Good artists copy; great artists steal. "

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AndroidScript returns to Google Play Store: Ad giant YIELDS TO THE MIGHT OF EL REG

Captain DaFt
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Re: Droid®Script

"'android' refers specifically to robots that are designed to look like humans "

Lessee... http://www.cobied.com/android/android-basics/

Two arms, two legs, an upright torso and a head with a recognisable face... close enough.

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US astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson: US is losing science race

Captain DaFt
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Re: I'll tell you one thing

"Few things drive me as bonkers as reading about scientists getting excited over discovering water droplets in an otherwise uninhabitable planet 2,000 light years away."

Then you must be absolutely livid at the billions spent annually just to enable people to watch other people kick, bat, toss, club, swat, dribble, and carry various balls around.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Salary

I've always thought that if teachers and researchers were revered/paid like celebrities and professional athletes are, we'd have colonies around Tau Ceti by now.

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EU, Google, Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft: We'll fight terrorists... with WORKSHOPS

Captain DaFt
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Re: Ah... the 60's are alive and well.

"Ok.. so it's nice they had a chatty dinner meeting and decided to have more meetings...err... workshops. Everyone's tax dollars at work, I suppose and we know how that ends."

It doesn't end, it's 'lather-rinse-repeat' until the next headline calls for a whole new round of same ol'-same ol'.

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Crims zapped mobes, slabs we collared for evidence, wail cops

Captain DaFt
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Re: 1) remove battery (or turn the device off until you can get it to the lab)

"You can't turn a phone off if encryption's enabled. Well, you can, but you won't be able to access the info you were after when you turn it back on."

From my understanding of the tech level of most police, maybe this is what they're misinterpreting as 'wiped'?

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Was Nokia's Elop history's worst CEO?

Captain DaFt
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Re: The proof is the axing of Maemo/Meego

" but perhaps the simple truth is that he knew nothing about running a company and nothing about phones, just totally worthless for the task."

IMO, this nails it in one! And now, Microsoft's stuck with him again.

At least this time they've made him a VP, about as harmless on the foodchain you can get in a modern company.

(Seriously, call your local Tesco and ask to speak to the VP in charge of produce, they'll ask you "Fresh or canned?")

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Captain DaFt
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Re: It could have been so different

"Everything Elop did was to benefit MSFT. Nothing he did benefitted Nokia, or Finland."

Um, what exactly did he do to benefit MS?

Get their phone OS showcased on a faltering company's phones?

Stick them with a mostly useless company?

The only beneficiary from Elop's actions seemed to be Elop himself.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Um, no...

Again, you're assuming competence from "I didn't know how to do it," Ballmer, plus assuming the US spooks are competent conspirators.

(Hint: Both parties are only adept at CYA.)

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Brace yourself for a 12-inch Apple maxiPAD – probably... maybe... ish

Captain DaFt
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Prepare ye unbelievers!

"it's been way too long"

Obviously, it's tied in with this:

http://nypost.com/2014/09/28/why-andy-kaufman-might-still-be-alive/

What a coup for Apple!

(Seriously, if you're going to jump on every rumor, why balk at this one?)

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Monster banking Trojan botnet claims 500,000 victims

Captain DaFt
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Re: A slight difference

"But they still can't get viruses."

True, by exact definition, viruses are rare on a Mac.

But ask the average user what happened to his system when hit by malware, trojans, adware, bots, keyloggers, or whatever, and you'll hear: "It got a virus."

To the vast majority of computer users, bad stuff on a computer equals virus.

You have about as much chance of educating them otherwise as you have of convincing the press that hacker does not equal cracker.

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Britain’s snooping powers are 'too weak', says NCA chief

Captain DaFt
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Re: Belt & Braces

Hmm, straight from the dictionary:

ter·ror·ism noun \ˈter-ər-ˌi-zəm\ : the use of violent acts to frighten the people in an area as a way of trying to achieve a political goal

By that definition, the NCA Chief is a terrorist.

He's just using the violent acts of others (terrorist or not) to try to achieve his political goals.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Public confidence?

"Oh well three would rather be blown up than risk having their grocery order read. Any choice of terrorist cell?"

Why just a terrorist cell? Why not killed by lightning strike or drunk driving a car?

Both are way more likely than 'terrorists' to get me.

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AT&T fires insider for slurping customers' social security numbers, driver licenses and more

Captain DaFt
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Re: Rules? Guidelines...?

My thought exactly! Isn't there a system of checks, balances, permissions, and alerts in place, or were they just using the honor system?

"This data could abused for millions! Promise not to touch it, OK?"

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Linux systemd dev says open source is 'SICK', kernel community 'awful'

Captain DaFt
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"I found out very quickly those users liked to Insult new users who couldn't do simple task."

Wow, that's actually a blast from the past! In the 1990s it seemed it was prerequisite to rag the the newcomers and defend Linux against any and all attacks, real and imaginary.

Back then:

Skorp:"Hi, I'm new to Linux and have hit a snag. How do you frebnle?"

Dekl: "LOL RTFM, NOOB!

Kewy: "Yeah, LOL, man pages are there for a reason... NOOBZ, AMIRITE?

The proper way was to attack to get an answer:

Skorp: "Linux is sooo lame, it can't even handle something simple like frebnle!

Derkl:"That's just typical M$ FUD!! All you have to do is ]p[io/frpn in bash, job done!

Kewy:"LOL, he said frebnle, not drebnle, cockface! Look, I've just wrote a script to Frebnle in Linux, {download here} Just unrar that in usr/share, bash frebnle and you're good to go! See? Easy! Linux does everything!"

Today, most distros have forums for the newbies, and even the dumbest question will usually result in no more than a link to the FAQ or post dealing with the answer.

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I'll show you the D next week – billionaire space baron Elon Musk

Captain DaFt
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Obviously...

He's preemptively releasing his own nude photos before they're leaked.

"I'll show you the D next week"

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Apple blacklists tech journo following explicit BENDY iPhone vid

Captain DaFt
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""Justin Beiber" - that smashing noise you can hear is your argument flailing in agony before it dies. He will never ever be an important story... unless he catches Ebola and infects IS(IS) with it while being stung by a horde of bees."

OK, who here would pay to watch that on pay per view? (hand up)

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A moment of brilliance? UPnP for Internet of Stuff lightbulbs

Captain DaFt
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But they're so pretty!

http://abcnews.go.com/International/photos/artist-creates-clouds-art-15903014/image-15903039

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Microsoft WINDOWS 10: Seven ATE Nine. Or Eight did really

Captain DaFt
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Re: Yaaaaawn

Apparently, yes.

And it's not even new News, this was announced back in 2013!

http://www.infoworld.com/article/2613504/microsoft-windows/microsoft-skips--too-good--windows-9--jumps-to-windows-10.html

'Tis a sad day when an April Fools joke becomes Microsoft's plan for the future.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: It's actually Windows OS X

My first impression was, "Win Ten?... Rin Tin Tin?

Are they admitting that they're deliberately skipping the version that would be good (IE: Windows 9), and that their next release will be a dog?

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Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld and some Apple bloke attend glitzy iPhone 6 Paris launch

Captain DaFt
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I thought El reg had made a mistake and it was actually a promo still from "The Walking Dead".

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Hey Brit taxpayers. You just spent £4m on Central London ‘innovation playground’

Captain DaFt
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Well stone the crows!

Here I've been believing that 'Quango' was some tongue in cheek snidery for 'Idea to separate idiots from their money' similar to 'Bunko' , but it actually stands for: 'quasi-autonomous non -governmental organisation'?

Oh... wait... Or was I right and that's just a backronym that was added later?

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Supercomputers: The Next Generation – Cray puts burst buffer tech, Intel Haswell inside

Captain DaFt
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Re: I want one in my basement

"I want one in my basement to calculate how to win the lottery...."

If you can afford one and its maintenance costs, why do you need to play the lottery?

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'This BITE MARK is a SMOKING GUN': Boffins probe ancient assault

Captain DaFt
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An off the cuff remark was responsible:

"Bite my scaly ass!"

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Consumers agree to give up first-born child for free Wi-Fi – survey

Captain DaFt
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Re: Non-story

"you will take my first born whether you like it or not"

Just make sure that you provide a Ts&Cs for them to sign when you turn him/her over, stipulating a one Billion (Beellion!) pound restocking fee should they realise what a terrible, horrible mistake that they've made and wish to return him/her!

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FBI opens Malware Investigator portal to industry

Captain DaFt
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You forgot one:

If the non state sponsored malware uses algorithms similar to those developed by NSA/CIA/FBI/Military, accuse creators of terrorism, espionage, DRM abuse, copyright infringement, and wanton incontinence.

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TEEN RAMPAGE: Kids in iPhone 6 'Will it bend' YouTube 'prank'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Norwich has an apple store?

"First your holding it wrong... Now your putting it in your pocket wrong...what next your looking at it wrong..?!?!?"

Nope, you're spelling it wrong!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: I hear a rumour

"I kinda miss that guy."

Well, if you live in any metropolitan area, you can probably find someone like him on some random street corner, orating to a (usually) invisible audience.

Not many of them seem to rail against Microsoft in particular, though, I'll give you that.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: @conel

"Please tell me you don't work for a postal delivery company, those packages marked "FRAGILE" and "DO NOT BEND" are not challenges!"

looks like your packages are safe with him as long as you don't label them 'INDESTRUCTIBLE', and 'WILL NOT BEND'.

It's the denial of warpage and frangibility that inspires testing, not the admission.

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Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS

Captain DaFt
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Re: Bigger

Trust me, you don't want that:

http://www.historyvortex.org/DalekAnatomy.html

Be afraid, be very, very afraid!

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Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

Captain DaFt
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Mash-up meme time!

Windows NEO - Not Even Once

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Yahoo! dumps! thing! that! made! it! Yahoo! and! told! to! bed! AOL!

Captain DaFt
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Re: odd investment strategy?

My advice to Yahoo!?

Use the billions from Ali Baba to buy back stock and go private, shake off these leeches.

Then, concentrate a bit on letting people know what you already have, and improving that, rather than trying to buy the next 'big thing'.

Yahoo Education, Qwiki and the Yahoo Directory? I've been online for years, actually use the occasional Yahoo! service, and I've never heard of these!

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EU operators PLEAD for MERCY, may get roaming rates cut ‘reprieve’

Captain DaFt
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"Profits that ate supporting your pension and driving the economy"

Pardon me, Freud, your slip is showing. :)

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Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER

Captain DaFt
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Re: So,

"big nose, big penis?"

Well... 'Rhinorex condrupus", Rhinorex for 'king nose', but the 'condrupus' sounds like it may have had a 'performance' problem.

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Google goes Dutch with new €600 MEELLION DC

Captain DaFt
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Re: Grey water?

"Great big steel ships seem to last a long time at sea for some reason."

Great, horkin' bars of zinc or magnesium bolted to the hull. They're called 'sacrificial anodes'.

Without them, a ship'd be a pile of rusty goo within a decade.

(And probably sink before that.)

http://www.gcsescience.com/ex34.htm

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NSFW: Click here, watch iPhone 6 being TORTURED

Captain DaFt
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Re: Is it just me...

"Show me something which doesn't blend."

Here ya go: http://www.willitblend.com/videos/crowbar

Note the clever way they dodged out of blending it.

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4chan outraged by Emma Watson nudie photo leak SCAM

Captain DaFt
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Re: Thrown the book at them

Though delicious, the extra weight of an eaten English breakfast would add to the agony of a 'pubic hanging'.

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AVOID the Apple Watch. Buy a drone or robot instead, techies told

Captain DaFt
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Re: A lot of CEOs said the iPad wouldn't take off...

" Depends if Apple's PR and advertising will sink into the minds of others."

Sorry, but the magic black turtleneck that generate the RDF has gone to China.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/05/business/global/in-china-an-empire-built-by-aping-apple.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

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