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* Posts by Captain DaFt

1576 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

NSA SOURCE CODE LEAK: Information slurp tools to appear online

Captain DaFt
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Re: Tinfoil Hat?

"Now I'd be really worried if they were also recommending a specific compiler and version number."

If you were truly paranoid, you'd be even more worried that they weren't! (Gahh! They've got their hooks in everything!)

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Your PHONE is slowly KILLING YOU

Captain DaFt
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Re: funny....

"Books, often requiring the same head postures, never seem to have had the same effect."

Or drinking a cup of tea, or eating a sandwich, or just examining something interesting that you've picked up for a closer look.

Funny, when it's done to accommodate something new, it's "undue stress", but when you do the same activity for old fashioned reasons, it's "exercise, and you need to do more of it!"

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Disturbance in the force lets phones detect gestures with Wi-Fi

Captain DaFt
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Re: his/her > XIR

But there's already an acceptable, non gender specific word with centuries of use, "it".

"The human moves its arm", what could be easier?

It's not like there's precedent for using it either. How often have you heard, "Who is it?"

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How secure is Docker? If you're not running version 1.3.2, NOT VERY

Captain DaFt
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No one ever learns

Yo, programmers! Weinberg's Law:

"If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization."

He stated this way back in 1971, and nothing in programming, save the names of the languages used, has changed much since.

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We're not, er, 'cut-throat' capitalists – VC formerly known as ISIS

Captain DaFt
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"In fact it is the dreaded and mighty LIVING BRIDGE OF HLLUNDAIN."

Whew, no worries then. I was afraid it might be a...

{Dun DUN DUN}... Gazebo!

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/Jul/gazebo.html

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All aboard the Poo Bus! Ding ding, route Number Two departing

Captain DaFt
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Re: the next one will be powered solely by Boris Johnson

"the next one will be powered solely by Boris Johnson "

No need to pick just him. If they can tap into Parliament, Washington DC, et al, The World's energy problems would be solved forever!

Finally, an honest use for politicians!

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Azure TITSUP caused by INFINITE LOOP

Captain DaFt
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Re: 5 nines

"It's only a Marketing 99.999% they rounded it up from 95% !"

After it was rounded up to 95% from 80% by another division of the marketing dept, who got the 80% by mishearing when one of the IT guys said, "Eh, who knows?"

(Geez, I'm in a mood today. Time to break for coffee and a cigar!)

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Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k

Captain DaFt
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I'm tempted to contribute.

But only so that I could mess with future (possibly Alien) exo-archeologists minds by submitting a dog hair instead of one of my own.

(Troll the future, that's how I roll!)

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NXT: The first SPAAAACE cryptocurrency

Captain DaFt
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A query

So is this changing the layout of Vulture II?

If it is, I'd suggest the chest up front, (with a suitable rack) and the booty in the rear.

(Just to keep things balanced, mind.)

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After USA FREEDOM Act's failure, what's next for mass surveillance?

Captain DaFt
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Re: The "Patriot Act" won't be allowed to die

"They're probably about the same as Washington ordering a landing on European soil for exactly the same purpose. Well, slightly less, in my view."

Putin would use troops. the US is using 'trade agreements'.

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Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

Captain DaFt
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"Pay as you play" would be more accurate, wouldn't it?

"Get" just hides the fact that playing will cost money unless you want to endure timeouts or be locked from certain achievements.

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Fake antivirus scams: It's a $120m business – and alleged ringleaders have just been frozen

Captain DaFt
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Re: Now let's clean up download sites.

"I'm so cynical I hesitate to let anything but essentials onto my machine"

If I'm on a Windows install, the first thing I add is Startup Guard.

http://www.anvir.com/startup-guard.htm

It monitors and lists everything that tries to add it self to the startup, giving you the option to allow/deny. A real boon to keeping out nasties that slip in.

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Fujitsu CTO: We'll be 3D-printing tech execs in 15 years

Captain DaFt
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If you don't think 3D printing is advancing amazingly fast...

Then check these 3d sculptures out.

(Might be NSFW) http://www.jontyhurwitz.com/nano

Detailed, 3D printed, Nano scaled sculptures that can only be viewed by microscope.

Mind officially blown!

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What a Mesa: Apple vows to re-use titsup GT sapphire glass plant

Captain DaFt
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"Apple had told him it was hellbent “on preserving jobs in Arizona”"

Might be more reassuring if they picked another destination to follow for their plan... unless all they have to offer is good intentions.

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The Nokia ENIGMA THING and its SECRET, TERRIBLE purpose

Captain DaFt
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Re: It's a scale model

No, It's full scale!

Obviously Nokia has sold out humanity to the G'Gugvuntt and Vl'hurg, designing them a planet destroying spaceship that's too big to be swallowed by a small dog.

It looks like Nokia really took the loss of their cellphones popularity to heart.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: U no get it

"It was a pun, a roundabout way of saying they don't know what it is. I "no know", get it?"

Exactly!

"Surely there's no way El Reg's revision desk could ever get so lax as to let slip such a glaring mistake right at the subtitle!"

MMF... Mmf... Fffflplt-HA HAAAA! <snerk> Bwaaaa-HAHAHAW!

Damn! Good one!

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It's space WAR: Comet launches fireballs at space-invading EARTH

Captain DaFt
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I knew this was coming!

Today the skies have rapidly clouded up solid.

The first sign that a celestial event of note is available... to somebody else!

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THERE it is! Philae comet lander FOUND in EXISTING Rosetta PICS

Captain DaFt
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http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-30083969

More info and pics there.

It seems the bounce problem was caused by the "large heap of snowy slush' being as hard as stone.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Captain DaFt
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"God bless David Cameron!"

In the polite society of the Southern United States, one will never say a bad word about anyone behind their back in mixed company.

Instead, a certain phrase is used to indicate that the person being spoken of is a hopeless jackass.

So, sipping a mint Julep, I will only state, "David Cameron? Well God bless his little heart!"

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Most convincing PHISHING pages hoodwink nearly half of you – Google

Captain DaFt
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Re: Hardly surprising

"My bank sends emails"

My bank never sends me emails... because when they asked for my email address, I said, "Sorry, don't have one."

Technically true, I don't have one. :)

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Microsoft snorefest: For crying out loud, Nadella – just channel Ballmer!

Captain DaFt
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Re: "The genius of Ballmer was he was a general "

Hear, Hear!

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FIRST for HUMANITY: Fridge-size PROBOT headed for COMET TOUCHDOWN

Captain DaFt
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Re: In space no one can hear your sonar

"The trick is to stick your emitter and microphone right into the comet.

So Philae isn't so much landing on as mating with the comet??"

Sounds more like it's motorboating the comet! <PBLBLBLBL!>

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Lighter than a feather...

"this thing just falls down from 20km up, and reaches ground after seven hours and at walking speed"

Just think, it falls 20km, and hits with about the same force as if it'd only been dropped a meter on Earth... The mind boggles!

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Jokes of no more than 2 lines

Captain DaFt
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"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion" - Spike Milligan

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Oracle gives HR tool to track your fitness

Captain DaFt
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And it gets quietly killed...

when it believes that the nicotine addicted workers are fitter because they show more activity due to popping outside periodically for a smoke.

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What? El Reg had a cheap dig at Putin?! SAY IT AIN'T SO

Captain DaFt
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Re: 77 upvotes

And the top 5 are:

5. http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/fbi-sting-operation-nabs-another-supposed-terrorist/

4. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/us/politics/30fbi.html?pagewanted=all

3. http://www.popcenter.org/Responses/sting_operations/print/

2. http://www.counterpunch.org/2012/11/14/how-to-create-and-capture-terrorists-in-the-name-of-security/

And topping the chart at #1 this week:

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140722/14463127971/report-all-four-high-profile-domestic-terrorism-plots-last-decade-were-crafted-ground-up-fbi.shtml

And as a bonus:

https://www.americansecurityproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Foiled-Plots.pdf

gives an overview of the whole 'War on Terror' post 911.

(Hint: Dumb luck and the average Joe have a far better track record at thwarting terrorism than all the 'five eyes' spooks combined.)

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Firefox decade: Microsoft's IE humbled by a dogged upstart. Native next?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Curious

Well, since they pulled the impressive combo of jump the shark, shoot self in foot and head, and cue the fat lady to sing - all by dumping their engine for webkit and cloning Chrome's UI, they're pretty much an ex-parrot these days.

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We must SMASH the Democratic Deadlock with MINDFUL EVIDENCE

Captain DaFt
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Re: Rand Rand Rand

Hmm, add a little J. Paul Getty, a touch of enthusiasm, and you can get:

Rand Rand Getty Rand Ja! Krugerrand.

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It's the WORST game ever, just pulled from a desert DUMP ... now ET can be yours for $500

Captain DaFt
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"The cartridges themselves are almost guaranteed not to work, thank God."

Quick fix: all you have to do is blow on'em.

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Feds investigate Homeland Security background checker security breach

Captain DaFt
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Oh dear!

Adds a whole new slant to the famous quote as the DHS and FBI scramble to find out "Who watches the watchmen?"

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That 'TECH-FREE' Nophone? It was already out years ago

Captain DaFt
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A "Tech-Free" phone would be a shrubbery.

NI!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Why would anyone want one or invest in such a thing?

Isn't it obvious? Hold this to your ear and walk around talking to your invisible friends, and nobody thinks you're crazy!

(With apologies to Gahan Wilson)

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Windows 8 or nowt: Consumer Win 7 fans are OUT OF LUCK

Captain DaFt
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Win 8 bad... or hyper crafty?

I've been ruminating on the subject, and it appears the UI changes in Win 8 may be part of a devilish scheme:

B:"Damn, Win 7 is just too damn good, it's going to be harder to get people off of it than it is with XP!"

M:"I've got a plan... now hear me out before you grab a chair... What if we made the next version Sooo bad that no one wants it?"

B: <clutching chair> "You have twenty seconds to explain!"

M: "We make 8 such a stinker, that the masses howl for our heads, when it's really just 7 with an exasperating UI, but useful tweaks under the hood... Then..."

B: <raises chair threateningly> "You have ten seconds left!"

M: <hurriedly>"Then when they're all frothing at the mouth and their attention is distracted from 7, we skip aversion number, but it's really just a re-release of 7 with a slightly different UI and fixed bugs we find in 8!" <cringes>

B:<drops chair> "Genius! Gentlemen, this is our new plan for the future! Finally I can retire knowing I'm leaving the company in good hands!"

This meeting hit the press as, "Steve Ballmer unexpectedly announces he's stepping down as head of Microsoft".

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Google hopes to cure its 'flu sneezes

Captain DaFt
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This is the internet

It's not so much 'Big Data' as it is 'Humungous Noise'.

Or as somebody once said, "You can learn anything about anything on the web, some of it is even true!"

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'I get it if you don't make money for 2 or 3 years, but Amazon's 21'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Amazon makes lot of money

"There is no way you can get to $150B market value without earning money."

And the truth is, contrast Microsoft in the Ballmer era with Amazon.

Microsoft used a few cash cows to generate profit, with a few tweaks to keep 'new' versions selling, while Amazon constantly churns its cash into growth and new revenue sources.

Microsoft had Windows, Outlook, and Word, Amazon sold books.

Today Amazon sells damn near everything, and has a cloud service that the competition is racing to keep up with, and growing rapidly.

Microsoft still has Windows, Outlook, and Word, and losing ground rapidly.

True, they've started other projects recently, but all are 'Me too!' projects in a 'throw'em at the wall and see what sticks, we've got billions' attempts to chase taillights of everyone else making a profit.

I'm no fan of Amazon, but they're busy building company value, while Microsoft is busy chasing profits with an ever increasingly irrelevant portfolio.

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DRUPAL-OPCALYPSE! Devs say best assume your CMS is owned

Captain DaFt
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What is this "sleep" you speak of?

It's a type of coma you fall into when the blood level gets too high in your caffeine stream.

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More Microsoft staffers shown the door in Round 3 of job cuts

Captain DaFt
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"What's their R&D provided in the past decade?"

Who knows. The products that ever saw the light of day were strangled at birth by marketing; Zune, Kin, Vista, Win 8, Win RT, or aborted before reaching birth, like the tablet they killed because it wasn't 'Windowsy' enough, right before Apple cut theirs lose on the world.

Microsoft is looking more and more like the Xerox of old, innovations that don't fit the company way get quietly buried until someone else digs them up and runs with them, like the Gui interface and E-paper.

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BONFIRE of the MEGA-BUCKS: $200m+ BURNED in SECONDS in Antares launch blast

Captain DaFt
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Re: DARK STAR

"Surely you just cut a hole in the side of the station (or open a window?), and stick your rear end into the vacuum of space. Then your bottom will come back in pristine, clean and smooth as a baby's."

And then, next orbit 'round, SPLAT!, right against the windshield, and everybody starts arguing over who's going to clean it off.

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Captain DaFt
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"However, the deaths of three astronauts did concentrate some minds."

I always thought the fact that they only had two major accidents with the Apollo missions, and only one of them fatal, was almost as amazing as landing on the the Moon itself.

Just think, less than a decade and a half from spooked by Sputnik to boots on the Moon.

And totaled less than a squadron of modern bombers in cost.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Nun on board!

Naughty fox? I think this Batrachian's family finally got their revenge!

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Rise of the machines: Silicon Valley hardware store to deploy ROBOTS for customer service

Captain DaFt
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Here's the plan...

I've put the store's contact info into my calendar with a reminder in three months time.

I've always wanted a robot for beverage fetching purposes, and this looks like a chance to get one dirt cheap!

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Feds seek potential 'second Snowden' gov doc leaker – report

Captain DaFt
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Re: Tinfoil hat icon.

"Lets up vote the request for the tinfoil hat icon"

I think it'd make a lovely 'Anonymous Coward' icon. The V mask is getting a bit long in the tooth.

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ICO to fine UNBIDDEN MARKETEERS who cause 'ANXIETY'

Captain DaFt
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Re: You forgot

" You forgot The roll of carpet and the quicklime"

Oh no, they don't escape this vale of tears and suffering that easily!

From the movie Wizards:

Avatar: I got stuff planned for you that'll take twenty years to kill ya.

Peace: ...no pain...

...And you'll be screaming for mercy in the first five seconds.

(For context, Avatar is the good guy, Peace just assassinated the King.)

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UNCHAINING DEMONS which might DESTROY HUMANITY: Musk on AI

Captain DaFt
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Re: Don't ascribe human emotions to an AI

"I would suspect the AI of insinuating itself into the net and all forms of business endeavors in a hidden manner to protect itself but that alone does not imply any particular malevolence toward humans."

Now look at where we are today... Computers in every pocket, equipped with sensors, computers hooked up to virtually our entire infrastructure, computers being used to monitor every facet of our day to day existence with bigger and bigger mega-datacenters to store and collate that data, an exponentially increasing number of computers being loaded with sensors and sent off into local space, deep space and beyond.

And to a growing extent, they're all interconnected together.

Can anyone be sure the singularity hasn't already happened, and that we're living in the aftermath?

Everyone assumes that AI means human-like intelligence, but all it needs is self awareness, self preservation, and curiosity.

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Happy 2nd birthday, Windows 8 and Surface: Anatomy of a disaster

Captain DaFt
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Re: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory...

Apparently someone unfamiliar with history downvoted you.

Ford regarding the model T:

"Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black."

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory...

"What people want is obviously not the same as what they say they want."

You'll find that most people want what they're used to, with the new, and a chance to chose between the familiar parts or the new parts that may work better.

Win 8 provided neither familiarity or choice. That's why it failed.

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Would you blow $5.6m to own a dot-word? Meet a bloke who did just that

Captain DaFt
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Re: But, nobody uses URLs any more!

You forgot "Follow us on Twitter!"

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Weird Reality

"Yes, I agree it's daft, I have no idea why USA Estate Agents are Realtors"

It describes the average person's anus after having to deal with one.

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Whisper. Explain this 'questionable' behavior – senior US senator

Captain DaFt
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Re: I dunno

"So, for the CEO to say that it all boiled down to the misdoings of one employee is absurd, if not out right comical."

What? You don't believe him?

None of this would have ever come to light if that one employee had kept his mouth shut!

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