* Posts by Captain DaFt

2761 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

UK.gov wasted £20m telling you to 'be safe online, mmkay'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Not Clear on the Concept

"A lot of cash was invested in an online site devoted to educating the public concerning the dangers of being online."

If they'd spammed Facebook with "Are you an idiot? Click here and find out!", or "Click here to learn the top ten secrets cyberterrorists don't want you to know!" links then most of the demographic they were trying to reach would have visited the site. :/

0
0

Mercury to transit Sun: Viewer discretion advised

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

In case you were curious

Here's what can happen if you don't take proper measures when using a telescope to view the sun.

0
0

Skygazers: Brace yourselves for a kick in the Aquarids

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: I almost read that as...

Well, I parsed it as written, "alar clock", and was wondering what spraying apple trees on time had to do with meteor showers.

0
0

Monster Cloud and an angry customer wanting a refund: A Love Story

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: "Everyone's an Engineer"

"In my company we have to call them engineers 'cause it looks like we are sending someone skilled to the customer"

I'd rather they sent a "trained technician". At least I'd have the illusion he'd at least slept through a training class.

"Sending an engineer" sounds too much like I'm about to be railroaded.

0
0

IBM's quantum 'puter news proves Big Blue still doesn't get 'cloud'

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: This is a piss poor article.... Marketroids

"So put yourself in IBM's shoes. How do they market this play toy and yet limit access to those who would actually do something of value with it?"

Mmm, Honesty? "We have a great new toy, but limited access, sign up now to get on the list for a chance to play with it if we approve you.

Which, BTW, is exactly what they are offering, once the buzzword bullshit is eliminated.

Pity. If they'd been honest, they could have cooked up a lot of "exclusivity" hype over it, and had academics vying for the bragging rights of using it.

0
0

Ex-HP boss Carly Fiorina sacked one week into new job

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Seriously America...

"are these candidates seriously the best you can come up with to run your country?"

Nope, they're the best we can get to run for the office.

The previous two centuries are dotted with people (Various governors, statesmen, military types) that were thought to be excellent candidates for President.

Almost unanimously, their reply was, "Nope, no fuckin' way! Do I look like an idiot?"

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Wow

Got one up on the other candidates by picking a running mate early to show his confidence.

One week with her and he calls it quits.

And here I thought he had no brains.

12
0

Wi-Fi network named 'mobile detonation device' grounds plane

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Lots of lateness

"The genius behind this prank succeeded in delaying his own flight for 2 hours. Well done!"

Who said it was his own flight? According to the news report, the signal could have been coming from the Airport lobby, or anywhere nearby, for all they know.

(TSA agent or baggage handler with a smartphone, anyone?)

2
0

Microsoft wants devs to take notes on their families

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Microsoft has GitHubbed a framework that could finally make an Internet-connected refrigerator useful: an application for family members to leave notes for each other."

And I have one that renders Microsoft's work obsolete:

A wipeable memo board with attached pen that you stick on the fridge. >POW< Take that, IoT!

0
0

I am Craig Wright, inventor of Craig Wright

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: null output

"Real life is indistinguishable from satire."

Here's a quick check: Unlike real life, satire has to seem remotely plausible.

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

meh

I figured that the whole "I am Craig Wright and I invented Bitcoin, here's some dubious proof" thing was just a rather lame attempt to smoke out the real Satoshi Nakamoto.

After all, why would the real Satoshi Nakamoto even want people to know who he is? He'd end up going through the hell of having his entire life placed under a microscope, and every minor defect plastered all over the media.

1
0

Old, complex code could cause another UK banking TITSUP – study

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: The shock of the new

"Of course, they will be flawless! They will be written using DevOps!

*ducks*"

Aaaand, after reading your comment, several corporations started outsourcing their code development to aquatic avians as the latest DevOps strategy.

1
0

Barclays.net Bank Holiday outage leaves firms unable to process payments

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Erm

Chris W, you are Drax and I claim my 5 pounds*.

*(minus penalty charge of 1.72 pounds for using an outdated meme)

0
0

Ultra-cool dwarf throws planetary party

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Brown dwarf

"No, the P.C brigade says that is rasist."

Sorry, but "Fully enabled star of medium pigmentation and diminutive stature" is just to clumsy to use in everyday speech.

0
0

MongoDB on breaches: Software is secure, but some users are idiots

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: New strapline

Eh, try this one: https://youtu.be/SKRma7PDW10

0
0

Paying a PoS*, USA? Your chip-and-PIN means your money's safer...

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: The ones who've adopted Chip 'n Pin

"I sign with an "X" and have not been challenged. Ever."

>sigh<

What ever happened to imagination?

Be creative, vary it up a little.

"Iam Batman", "Wotta Fraud", "Noah Count", something like that. :)

1
0

UK's Universal Credit IT may go downhill soon, warns think tank report

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Hydraulics ?"

I believe it was steam.

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"How can such a simple idea be screwed up and bastardised so badly?"

Big Goverment trying to build it from the top down instead of from the bottom up, while piling on more bureaucracy to manage it via infinite meetings.

In other words, a normal case of government in action.

1
0

Intel has driven a dagger through Microsoft's mobile strategy

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: It's not just Microsoft.

"As I understand it Intel are not killing off mobile processors per se, just the smartphone SoCs."

And really not difficult to figure out why.

The major user (practically only) of these chips is Microsoft, who owns a very small and shrinking portion of the smartphone market.

There's just no money in it for Intel.

3
0

Devs claim charger uses 'photosynthesis' power battery charger

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"Hard to square with this kind of output from a flowerpot"

Quote:

-Chantal Marin, Bioo's chief marketing officer, said that the Bioo Lite device is boosted by “natural chemical enhancers in order to support the energy produced by photosynthesis.”-

Reads to me like a flowerpot shaped battery with a bit of 'green' snakeoil added.

2
0

Revealed: HMS Endeavour's ignominious fate

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

What really happened to the HMS Endeavour

I am the HMS Endeavour.

A mighty and grand ship of World exploration, proud traveler of the Seven Seas.

What's that? I've been renamed HMS Lord Sandwich!?

Oh Lord, sink me now!

2
0

Web site admins: Brace for weekend traffic surges from iOS devices

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: What is the purpose...3

"...of applying perspective to the chart?"

Marketing Mcmarketing face speaking:

"Gotta make that graph pop! It's all about the eyeballs, doncha know. Bling, Baby!

Plus the harder to actually read it, the longer those eyeballs stay, and those advertiser-friendly page usage numbers just climb, baby!"

1
0

US data suggests Windows 10 adoption in business is slowing

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: The new XP

Forget XP, look what's jumped out of the grave this month...

Freakin' Win 3.11!

I hope that's just a nostalgia thing and not people that desperate to avoid Win 10.

0
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Privacy & ..

"There is also no readily apparent rhyme or reason which machines will be targeted: a couple have had repeat changes, whilst others are still untouched."

Twas ever thus. Back in The day we we called the phenomenon "Windows FM*"

*Fucking Magic

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: It's a disgrace! @JJC

"What did Clippy have to say about it?"

"I see you're running a computer. Want me to upgrade it to Windows 10™ for you now?

[] Yes

[] Yes

[] Upgrade when I least expect it"

11
0

It's 2016 and now your internet-connected bathroom scales can be hacked

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

-Hack it to say "One at a time please" or "No coach parties"-

Try - "You are large, grey, and fond of peanuts."

8
0

Pop goes the weasel! Large Hadron Collider blown up by critter chomping 66kV cable

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Half a pound of tupenny rice...

"It's SUPER WEASEL !!"

Dr. Weasel Manhattan?

6
0

Switch survives three hours of beer spray, fails after twelve

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Football is football

"The term Soccer actually originated in England in the 1880s"

Typical behaviour.

Make up a word and trick some yokels into using it, then point and laugh at them when they do.

5
0

Food for Deep Thought: 42 is IBM's answer to Life, the Universe and Everything...

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Why the H2G2 references?

CFO Martin Schroeder is clearly ordering IBM to transform and roll out!

That's a different franchise, innit?

2
0

One black hole, three galaxies, four BEELION solar masses – found by accident

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: High school stuff

You: "F=(m1*v^2)/r. This force is the gravitational pull by the black hole with mass m2, with F=G*(m1*m2)/r^2. Colliding these equations to eliminate m1 (the mass of the gas) you'll be left with v^2=G*m2/r, or m2=(r*v^2)/G."

Me: >gurgle< >thud<

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: gender

Nah, a bofinette is what you use to snare boffins. :)

2
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Simple question

"black holes must eject their matter, being one such consequences."

Current theory says they do. Look up "Hawking Radiation".

1
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Simple question

"Why one universe?"

Simple answer: It's all we can know given current knowledge.

Even if our universe had a detectable edge, any type of probe we sent beyond it would by definition be a part of our universe, and would still only relay back data about our universe.

2
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: solar masses?

" it suggests the need for a few prefixes beyond yotta,"

Yotta - denoting a factor of 10^24 or 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000.

I propose "Hella", 10^25 or 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000.

Anyone care to go higher?

0
0

Getty on Google: It’s all about traffic, duh

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Re I don't get it?

"that for Company "B" needs Company "A" to exist, to be even seen."

Actually, if Getty had good stock that couldn't be found elsewhere on the web, they could use robot.txt and word of mouth would lead people to them.

They want their cake and eat it too.

Free advertising for their paid content from Google without reciprocation.

On the other hand, Google wants free use of Getty's paid content without reciprocation.

Neither comes across as a saint here.

5
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Getty "has 60 million images"

"Is that all?

I think my selfie-enthusiast, food-tographer wife has at least twice that..."

I know of at least one of my friends with a toddler could easily double that.

relevant comic

1
0

Is the world (yet) ready for hybrid cloud?

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Is the world (yet) ready for hybrid cloud?

If you rephrase the question as, "Is the World ready for on site servers with off site fail overs.", I think that was answered years ago.

1
1

E-cigarettes help save lives, says Royal College of Physicians

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: A report based on evidence instead of prejudice ?

And now, a ray of sunshine, illuminating where people'd rather not look.

If you're one of the 2% with lucky genes, you'll cruise through life fairly comfortably, barring accidents, to 90+ years, then drop dead overnight simply because your body says, "Game Over".

About 15% will make it to 70+, with gradually increasing health problems, until your heart quits, cancer or your doctor* kills you.

About 35% to 40% will make it to 70+ but will have started slipping into senescence somewhere from 40 to 60 years of age and require constant care for their final years**.

About 25% will die anywhere from birth on due to accident, war, murder, or some other traumatic event.

The remaining will die from diseases ranging from Ebola to measles.***

Everybody dies, everybody suffers at some point in their life, and generally, the better you take care of yourself now, the longer you wind up suffering later.

So chill, enjoy your family and friends while you can, help out others when they need help, and enjoy your life while you can.

*Deaths by medical mistakes are the third leading cause of Death in America, and gaining.

** The percentage of people suffering senescence is uncertain, but it's generally acknowledged that the rate is increasing alarmingly.

*** Since this is about mortality, I've omitted the bit about how many go through all or part of their life suffering and needing constant care due to accident, disease, or bad genes.

9
0

Samsung's little black box will hot-wire your car to the internet. Eek!

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Similar to a "connected toaster"

"No, a toaster does NOT need to be "connected". Go away!"

Oh! For the good old days when that concept was laughable!

2
0
Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: DriveWiz

"If you ask me, they really seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for reasons for this product to even exist."

Oh, they have a very good reason for this product to exist, more detailed monitoring of you by the corporations and the state.

The hard part is coming up with a reason why in seven Hells would you voluntarily want it.

Have to keep up that illusion of 'free choice' for at least a while longer, don'cha know.

8
0

German prof scores €2.4m EU grant to crack software on your bicycle

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: bollocks

"Mandating open software of open interfaces is not necessary if the law ensures the manufacturer cannot pull a fast one."

But the manufacturer is always ahead of the game, much like malware writers.

Plug one hole and they immediately jump through another.

The unfortunate result is that the one that took the short cut 'fast ones' to the top makes the easy bucks, and anyone else wishing to follow is snarled to near immobility in the maze of regulations that were enacted in its wake.

2
0

Hewlett Packard Enterprise: Wanna walk the plank voluntarily? You got it

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Updated A HPE spokesman sent us this statement:

"Blah blah blah blah, buzzword boilerplate."

3
0

Microsoft fingered for Western Euro PC tragedy

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Microsoft

"Is MS a centipede? Or a millipede? They keep shooting themselves in the foot. How many feet do they have left?"

They just have the normal number of two feet.

After they shoot one, they just replace it. Clay is cheap.

1
0

Redback sinks fangs into Oz builder's todger

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: IT?

"IT?

IT?"

Yes?

0
0

Hubble spots ice moon orbiting dwarf planet Makemake

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

-If it's pronounced but not written, that should make it a ghost "r".-

So Makemake is inhabited by pirate ghosts?

1
0

Honestly though, Twitter can't do anything right

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"so users can expect an onslaught of promotional video advertising."

More annoying ads shoved in your face when you're using a service is always the answer when a trend slows.

That's sooooo going to help the bottom line! >rolls eyes<

6
0

Dropbox desktop blur

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Arrgghh! My ears!

Two seconds into that video, I'm stabbing the stop button.

Couldn't they have found a narrator that didn't sound like a chain-smoking adult Alvin the chipmunk?

0
0

It's World IP Day! Celebrate by making money from a dead teenager

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: Amazing wht they will do to protect "The Rat" (¬ C 2016 John Smith 19 )

"Yes I think people should be able to make a living by thinking cleverly.

Not their great-great-great-great-great-whatever grandchildren."

Most of the time, those 'kids' get nothing, or one of them gets a one time payoff.

The ones making the money of a creatives persons work for generations to come is usually a corporation that bought, stole, or swindled the rights to said work.

8
0

Colander-wearing Irishman denied driver's licence in Pastafarian slapdown

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

"If people want to take FSM as a serious religion then that's fine by me, but they should be serious in doing so."

Nope. No 'serious' pastafinarian takes anything seriously.

2
0

Good enough IT really is good enough. You don't need new hardware

Captain DaFt
Silver badge

Re: It's all about balance...

" drop the old kit on a marketer."

"From the 6th floor BOFH style?"

I'd recommend the fourth floor. High enough to do damage, but not high enough to make aiming tricky. You wouldn't want risk missing the market critter, would you?

2
0

Forums