* Posts by Captain DaFt

2017 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Slashdot, SourceForge looking for new owners after parent dumps them on the web's doorstep

Captain DaFt
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Re: SourceForge for sale?

It's a shame you posted anonymously, now they don't know who to contact.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Lost credibility

"Donald Trump and the dead muskrat on his head?"

That's not a muskrat!

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21st century malware found in Jane Austen's 19th century prose

Captain DaFt
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Re: I cry foul!

" I can't parse "21st century malware found in Jane Austen's 19th century prose" in any way that agrees with the actual article."

Same here. I was expecting an article about how a passage in Austen's prose triggered a reset or lockup of iPhone, Android, and/or Winphone*.

*Or whatever the Hell Microsoft's calling it this week.

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Record-breaking $502m in sales, BIG LOSSES – OF COURSE IT'S TWITTER

Captain DaFt
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Translation

"In order to realize Twitter's full potential, we must improve in three key areas: ensure more disciplined execution, simplify our service to deliver Twitter's value faster, and better communicate that value," Dorsey said.

"In order to realize Twitter's full potential, we must improve in three key areas: monetising, advertising, and data mining!"

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Hacked US Census Bureau staff to take anti-phishing classes

Captain DaFt
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M'kay

And the instructor is a Mr. Mackey, I presume?

Seems like the type for the job.

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Ford's parallel PARCing: Motor giant tries to craft new tech just like Xerox

Captain DaFt
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Re: @fandom (was:"Cars already decide when to change gear for you")

"driving is a hobby that kills hundreds of thousands of people every year"

"Intake of nicotine, fat, alcohol, salt and sugar is far worse when it comes to mortality ... Do you want those banned in your lifetime, too?"

Intensive research has shown that there is only one cause of Death.

Life. The only way to eliminate Death is to eliminate Life.

Or... Y'know, we could just accept the fact that one day we'll all die, and spend more time enjoying life, rather than fretting over how to cheat Death.

Oh, and funny thing about fat, salt, and sugar. Eliminate those from your diet, and you'll die much quicker than you will from over indulging.

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Pakistan bans BlackBerry Enterprise Server

Captain DaFt
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Ah, yes!

The old making us all more secure by making you less secure gambit.

A sure fire way to make the world safe from... Uh, what exactly? Freedom?

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YOU! DEGRASSE! It's time to make Pluto a proper planet again, says NASA boffin

Captain DaFt
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Re: American

"titan is bigger and also has weather - ideas it a planet as well?"

If Saturn ignites and becomes a sun, yes. Until then it's just a moon.

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HP slaps dress code on R&D geeks: Bin that T-shirt, put on this tie

Captain DaFt
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Dyslexic management problem?

They obviously think they work for GQ instead of HP.

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US beats Iran as Japan's tincan footie team wins robot World Cup

Captain DaFt
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Re: It's so humane

Impressive!

I wasn't aware that the robots had attained elementary school team levels of performance.

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Ad rivals whimper: Hey Commish, we've 'ad it up to here with ad giant Google

Captain DaFt
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Re: Lifeblood of the Internet

"advertising is the lifeblood of the internet"

Ahem, they left out a word there: Advertising is the lifeblood of monetizing the internet.

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べーコンはどこですか? demands post-pub nosh fan

Captain DaFt
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Re: I'd say

I've always thought that a smidge of something was more than a pinch, but less than a dash.

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'Apple lures labels from free streams – and why is no one doing anything about it' shrieks group

Captain DaFt
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Re: Don't Worry, Be Happy

"The industry wants you to have the music for free and then feel loss when its taken away. The first hit is free."

Then they're doing something WROMG*. These days when I can't hear most popular pop tunes anymore, I feel relief!

*Not a misspelling. It's a portmanteau of "wrong" and "OMG!" Denotes a more catastrophic error.

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Security tool bod's hell: People think I wrote code for Hacking Team!

Captain DaFt
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Re: if they used GPL code in their products...

Uh, nope. Only the GPL parts remain GPL. All the stuff they write themselves is under whatever license they want.

If they made changes to the GPL parts, that they'd have to release.

"The company acknowledges in its documentation that it is using his copyrighted software, includes his name and email address, and links to his website where the source code can be found."

And this implies that they used the GPL'd code -as is-, and actually followed the GPL. Go figure.

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$50bn AT&T-DirecTV GOBBLE almost at BELCH stage: DoJ, FCC boss give nod

Captain DaFt
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"increase residential fiber access in the US by 40 per cent."

If they mean the paper all the junk mail special offers and one time deals filling up the ol' snail mail box are printed on, then I believe'em!

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Oi, #tubby! You are what you Tweet, boffins find

Captain DaFt
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"Rice, soya beans, lentils, tofu, yummy!"

So, does that study make this a case of posting porkies, then?

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The Register's resident space boffin: All you need to know about the Pluto mission

Captain DaFt
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Re: Quote of the Year

"it’s already clear that at least part of the surface of Pluto is young. Planets and moons are continually being bombarded by debris, so the older a surface is, the more impact craters it has on its surface."

Alternate theory?

Pluto has cleared it's zone, resulting in few later impacts, therefore, it is a planet.

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Science sub spots lost Revolutionary-era SHIPWRECK

Captain DaFt
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Re: "undisturbed and well preserved"

Well, to be fair, "well preserved" to you and me means "intact".

To an Archeologist, "well preserved" means "enough bits to easily figure out what it was".

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FEMALE BLOOD-SUCKERS zero in on human prey by smelling our BREATH

Captain DaFt
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Or checking to see if you're soused enough to take a two for a ten.

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Microsoft to Windows 10 consumers: You'll get updates LIKE IT or NOT

Captain DaFt
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Only 10%? I'll take 0 day, if you please.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: no matter what MS force on us

"Why would anyone want a 'fix' to stop important security updates & fixes?"

Rephrase that as, "Why would I want to stop someone from making unknown changes to a running system under my control?", and suddenly, the answer is glaringly obvious.

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Pluto Pic: Is it a DOG? Is it a HEART? Or is it ... is it ... BIGFOOT?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Excessive

Hm, Pluto (the dog) has three toes on each foot.

So it's not evidence of Sasquatch, it's evidence that Pluto (the dog) used his two front paws to mark Pluto (the planet) as his territory.

Not the usual way for a dog to do it, but obviously, with temperatures well below -200C, that method is impossible.

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New Horizons: We've got a pretty pic of Pluto. Now let's get our SCIENCE on

Captain DaFt
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Well, DUH!

"there were naysayers bemoaning the cost of such a mission ($700m, since you asked)."

That seven hundred million could have paid for nearly a full second of bombing the crap out of... er, Bringing Democracy to some oil rich country that ignored the US when it called dibs.

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Citizenfour director Laura Poitras sues US for years of border security harassment

Captain DaFt
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Re: Stupid and obvious reason

"Fat luck ever getting an answer until there is a Republican in office."

Daw, isn't he cute! He thinks there is a difference between the two controlling parties other than their press releases.

Pro tip: they're called controlling parties for a reason; They are in control of the US, and will wreck Heaven and Earth to keep it that way.

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Large Hadron SMASHER: Boffins BLOW OPEN the PENTAQUARK's secrets

Captain DaFt
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Re: never?

"When are we going to see stable "atoms"/molecules/compounds made from unusual quark configurations?"

May already have.

This is an alternate structure of the pentaquark; a meson particle (one quark and one antiquark) and a baryon (three quarks) weakly bonded together.

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Adobe: We REALLY are taking Flash security seriously – honest

Captain DaFt
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"but do people creating Flash content pay Adobe for the privilege?"

Yes, yes they do.

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Forget lasers: how about sharks with frikkin' VOLCANOES?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Wow, rare sharks

@Rich 11:

I'd say Mcdonald's fish sandwich would be a better candidate.

The last time they had a promotion, the ads lovingly described in detail the contents of their Burger and chicken patties, but the fish? All they'd say was, "Covered in tangy tartar sauce!"

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Mathematician: SUNSPOT DROUGHT will mean mini ICE AGE from 2030

Captain DaFt
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Re: This good be good news or bad news..... @CodeJunky

"However, is it still the case that there have been no deaths due to Fukushima? I can't clearly recall where, but I do remember reading about 1300 deaths, though did not at the time ascertain the source."

Well, you see, there was this humongus earthquake and ginormous tidal wave that occurred at the time. That's what killed 1300 people and left thousands more homeless.

But that was hardly covered in comparison to the "OMG!! A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT BROKE!!! WE'S ALL GONNA DIE!!" scare headlines that get eyeballs for the media.

After all, who cares about a natural disaster affecting thousands, when you can big up a nuclear accident that had very little effect?

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Google makes new hires ONE pay offer. 'Negotiation'? What's that?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Google already knows everyhting about you, you can't deceive 'em...

Google analytics and Double click (owned by Google) saw you post this.

Did you see them?

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Download Festival face scan: You’re right to be annoyed, said UK surveillance commish

Captain DaFt
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"Facial recognition software? So? Its not a new thing.... We just used to sit meat bags in front of screens before this. Ya know, to recognize people?"

People watching security cameras tend to spot people doing wrong things, like starting fights, pickpocketing, sexual assault, etc. and send police to the scene to deal with it.

Facial recognition software... records and stores faces.

So if a victim comes forward later, they can be shown a multitude of faces that match their verbal description, and get pressured into picking one, more or less at random.

Cops are happy either way, as they get to make an arrest.

So yes, for police, Facial recognition software is cheaper and easier.

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WHAT ARE the 'WEIRD' SPOTS seen on far-flung PLUTO?

Captain DaFt
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Ah, the early days of exploration!

Everything we learn only raises new questions, and new opportunities to learn.

The Universe is vast, and humanity will never know all of its mysteries, but it'll be fun trying!

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Hacking Team: We're the good guys, but SO misunderstood. Like Batman

Captain DaFt
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"We're the good guys."

That phrase is only ever uttered by the good guys in cheesy action dramas.

In the real world, actions speak louder than words, and if someone feels it's necessary to make that claim in the face of facts, only a fool would trust them.

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Pan Am Games: Link to our website without permission and we'll sue

Captain DaFt
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Normally it's "There's a Pan Am Games?""

I thought it was more like: "Pan Am Games? What's that?"

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What do you MEAN, 'Click on the thing which looks like a Mondrian?'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Why do you keep using the phrase "training course"?

"or a course in electroconvulsive therapy."

And many instructors have wished they switch the trainees to this type of course from time to time.

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How many top-level domains are there now? 300? 500? No, it's 1,000

Captain DaFt
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Re: So tasty!

"OK, let's have some suggestions for .bacon domain names..."

OK, I'll bite. A website dedicated to Georgia, US pork products*:

macon.bacon

*yeah, right.

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Wow, another NSA leak: Network security code appears on GitHub

Captain DaFt
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Re: Security

"It is designed to make sure networks comply with US Department of Defense security standards,"

"So using it on a secure network downgrade that network to the cheese cloth security of the US DoD"

Seems like it would be easy enough to do yourself, without their help:

Set username: admin

Set password: password

There. Fully as secure as most government networks seem to be.

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Sorry, say boffins, the LHC still hasn't sucked us into a black hole

Captain DaFt
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Re: Bravo

"You won't be saying that as you get dragged screaming towards CERN one day!"

PFFT! As if! How hard is the gravitational pull of a nano gram of matter? Assuming that a lab produced microscopic black hole had even that much mass, it would have exactly the same gravitational pull, ie: negligible.

Plus, it would go poof in a cloud of Hawking radiation as soon as it formed. (That's how they'd know they made one.)

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'I'm COMING for you, DIRTBAG!': Ex-Sony chief Smedley to Kid Lizard hacker

Captain DaFt
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Perversely, my sides are splitting!

Shades of Nominative determinism!

His ranting reminds me of the other Smedely's obsessive behaviour toward Chilly Willy:

http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/C/chillywilly1953.htm

(What can I say? I'm hooked on old cartoons.)

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Wendi the horny dino named after Canadian fossil hunter. Charming!

Captain DaFt
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Re: What's the correct answeer to

Running away screaming might be the best answer if you want to live. :)

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Hacking Team: Oh great, good job, guys ... now the TERRORISTS have our zero-day exploits

Captain DaFt
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Left out the worst part for them.

"Now, Hacking Team warns, the leak will allow its surveillance tools to be used by anyone who has "the technical ability" to use its software."

"And we ain't gettin' paid for it! They'll be using it for free! AAAUUUGGGHHH!"

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Router cockup grounds United Airlines flights WORLDWIDE

Captain DaFt
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Re: So..

In flight announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen; We apologise, but due to technical problems, this flight has been rerouted to... /dev/null? WTF?"

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Smart Meter biz case still there, insists tragically optimistic UK govt

Captain DaFt
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Re: How, just how, please tell me?

So, as Groucho Marx said, "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

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Captain DaFt
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How, just how, please tell me?

How did the smart meter thing get so convoluted and financially out of control over there?

Here, the companies wanted smart meters to cut back on meter readers, reduce miss billings and enable people to opt in to peak hour management.

So, they got permissions to transmit meter data over power lines at set time periods, quit buying old style meters and started buying new smart ones, then replacing old ones as they hit their replacement dates.

Peak power management is totally opt in, and requires the power companies to install gizmos on water heaters and AC/Heating units. (Of Course, almost no one has done this, and most that did, had it removed after their first cold shower.)

Aside from a bit of mouth foaming from the usual cast of idiots during the permission to transmit over power lines phase, everything is going smoothly, and costs have been negligible.

And this is in a state that manages to fuck up nearly everything.

So how did/are things going so badly for you?

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DOUGHNUT (donut?) and whale FOUND ON PLUTO

Captain DaFt
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Obviously

That 'doughnut' will be revealed to be a bowl of petunias.

Kidding aside, this mission has been some amazing work. Can't wait to see what secrets Pluto reveals next.

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US senate committee wants Twitter, Facebook to report 'terrorist' posts

Captain DaFt
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Simple solution

Since they consider everyone and anyone to be potential terrorists anyway, just report every posting.

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Han Solo to get solo prequel flick in 2018, helmed by LEGO men

Captain DaFt
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Re: No matter how many times....

This still irks me.

I've even reviewed the original clips to make sure.

Han shot Greedo... Period. There was no second shot.

It can not be a question of who shot first, when...

{Cheezy pun Alert}

Han fired solo!

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We tried using Windows 10 for real work and ... oh, the horror

Captain DaFt
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Re: So...

Someone call Microsoft, Quick!

We found the guy they're marketing too!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Is it possible that in going from 8 to 10 they've skipped the decent release?

"the original recipe Coke from a bottling plant in Mexico"

Yes, Mexico still uses cane sugar, instead of that High fructose corn syrup that's so beloved by corn growers in the US.

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ALIEN SLIME SHOCKER: Approaching comet probably NOT inhabited, say boffins

Captain DaFt
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Re: Three things

Two words: Russell's Teapot.

His proposal has the same merits as theirs, and it's about as likely.

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