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* Posts by Captain DaFt

1374 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

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DAYS from end of life as we know it: Boffins tell of solar storm near-miss

Captain DaFt
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Just goes to show...

How hazardous life on this little rock really is.

So far we've been veerry lucky, but when all your eggs are in one basket, sitting in the middle of a busy highway...

Well at least we have *TOP* people sitting there telling us:

"No no, really, everything's fine, nothing bad has happened to us so far!"

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iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

Captain DaFt
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Lessee...

BBC, one of the biggest News (read: data about Earth)centers gets hit with an unexpected access that overloads the system.

According to the SF trope handbook, that can only mean that alien life has initiated First Contact!

Now, since we are still here and there's no Emissary Blarg addressing the UN, the reasonable supposition is that:

They came.

They saw.

They said, "Uh, maybe we'll try again in 10 million years."

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Roll out the welcome mat to hackers and crackers

Captain DaFt
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Re: @John Smith 19

"My point was, if we think that security researchers are just one slap in the face -- "free! T-shirt! Yay!" -- from becoming criminals"

No, it doesn't mean they instantly turn criminal*.

It just means that the next time a major flaw in $Megacorp's system is stumbled across that could embarrass $Megacorp, lose it millions or even destroy the company, they'll just ignore it and go on with their life without the grief of dealing with $Megacorp.

*And I thought I was cynical!

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Nadella: Apps must run on ALL WINDOWS – PCs, slabs and mobes

Captain DaFt
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Re: Easier said than done

"What's the incentive for developers to go through the extra work to target Modern and produce a full sized GUI and a touchscreen GUI, versus simply producing a Win32 application that they already know how to build?"

Not much. If past actions are any indication, most developers/software companies will develop for their target system. (Phone, computer, or tablet)

Then tweak it just enough to run half-assed on the other systems to get Microsoft's seal of approval.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Call Scooby and the gang!

"Crazy thing is they didn't even get Here maps."

Hmph! Looks like all they got out of it was then was massaging Ballmer's ego.

Quote: "if Microsoft would have lost Nokia, they would have lost Windows Phone, and Ballmer saw that as a mortal threat. "

From http://stratechery.com/2014/making-sense-microsoft/

Big surprise to me was this slide from COO Kevin Turner's keynote:

http://2yj23r14cytosbxol4cavq337g.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/WPCSlide-620x342.png

where he show's that Microsoft's share of the total device market is only 14%! (that's PCs, tablets, phones, etc.)

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Captain DaFt
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Call Scooby and the gang!

Are they sure he's not Ballmer in a mask?

A lot of talk about a sea change, but little points to a concrete direction, and his 'bold' move so far is straight out of Ballmer's playbook:

After 7.2 billion is plunked down for Nokia's phone division, he's shutting down the lines that make a profit, laying off the workers and shutting down the factories.

Uh, what the heck did they buy? just the name? Nope, they're not even keeping that!

HERE Maps? Apparently that and Nokia's Lumina case designs were worth all those billions.

Either that, or they *realllly* wanted Elop back.

(Maybe he's the only guy that can remember the master password to Live?)

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FRIKKIN' LASERS could REPLACE fibre-optic comms cables

Captain DaFt
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Re: But sharks can't fly...

"So you do you get the sharks up in the air?"

You don't. This just enables them to communicate with Skynet.

"I vant your clothes and motorcycle. My finny friend here vants your liver."

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Captain Kirk sets phaser to SLAUGHTER after trying new Facebook app

Captain DaFt
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You think Shatner's singing is bad?

Apparently you've never heard Nimoy sing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9KKyZ5d3h8

Back on topic, it looks like he feels that Mentions and Pages each have part of what he's looking for in an app, and both have stuff he considers useless.

Plus it's telling that he used Tumblr instead of Facebook to tell the World.

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Games industry set for $5 BILLION haircut, warn beancounters

Captain DaFt
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"there is a real life"

"RUMORS"!

Where do you think the pizza delivery place is?

Real life is that awkward interface that turns online goods into tangible things.

It's housed in that big room called 'outside' with the annoyingly bright lighting that's out half time.

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Boffins fill a dome with 480 cameras for 3D motion capture

Captain DaFt
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No way I'm getting near that thing!

First thing it reminded of was 'The Gadget', the original nuclear bomb!

Check out the resemblance:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lXBKhZbUj04/TckU42MrjwI/AAAAAAAADN4/nfzZrYIgwSg/s1600/gadget.jpg

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Cave pits, ideal for human bases, FOUND ON MOON

Captain DaFt
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Re: Has nobody seen Pitch Black?

No, but I saw this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWYYkF6DOnk

Made in the 1950s, it was later rebooted in 2011 as Apollo 18.

So, feel free to explore the moon, just make sure Dad's on standby with a hook and ladder truck!

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Captain DaFt
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'Unbridled BONKING'

This part of the title confused me.

How else do you enjoy sex without the constant yammering?

Date a mute?

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Microsoft's Xbox TV studio OBLITERATED

Captain DaFt
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Re: Interesting

"As commenter points out, that is somewhat odd given the 'mobile first, cloud first' mantra."

Look at it as the typical antics of Dilbert's PHB.

Start with a mantra that is total nonsense, "Which goes first? Both! Seriously, in which direction should we focus the company's assets? BOTH!"

Then proceed directly to the Wall street idiots guide to corporate profits:

If it wasn't profitable for the company last quarter, read checklist, choose e.:

a. Cut back it's funding

b. Reduce it's workforce,

c. Outsource it

d. Sell it

e. Any combination of above, and give yourself a bonus!

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When the robot rebellion comes, this Jibo droid will BORE you to death

Captain DaFt
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"Jibo is basically the happiest robot on earth, capable of injecting some of that saccharine Disney charm into even the grumpiest of homes."

Sounds like somebot's gonna get a kickin'!

"Speaking in the sort of accent familiar to all Glee watchers,"

Ooh, somebot's definitely gettin' a kickin'!

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

Captain DaFt
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Re: @Shane McCarrick

I'm thinking lack of air conditioning. Too hot inside for rumpy bumpy, so they just took it outside where it was cooler.

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Do YOU work at Microsoft? Um. Are you SURE about that?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Sad, but hardly surprising

"Microsoft tended to look at a new competitors product (often a smaller start up or a huge expensive rival) and fix the flaws, make it cheaper/easier to use and do well."

Actually, Microsoft has a long history of forming 'Strategic Partnerships', shafting their partners and kicking them to the curb.

These days, there's not many left that fall for that ruse, so Microsoft has to fall back on its own 'innovation', and we see how well that's working out for them.

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BT: Whew, we've been cleared of major privacy breach. Oh SNAP, another webmail blunder

Captain DaFt
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"We’d like to apologise.."

"Somehow, I doubt it (unless followed by the words, "but we prefer not to")."

More likely followed with: "Because talk is cheap, and easier than actually fixing things."

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NASA: ALIENS and NEW EARTHS will be ours inside 20 years

Captain DaFt
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Re: Not...

So you're saying, Earth *is* the B-ark?

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Can it be true? That I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of PUREST ... BLACK?

Captain DaFt
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Looks like the perfect material for painting those fake tunnels on cliff faces! (Beep-beep)

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FBI: We found US MILITARY AIRCRAFT INTEL during raid on alleged Chinese hacker

Captain DaFt
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"Is there a better way to keep a nonsense industry moving along than by opening up your secret data to the world..."

"Gentlemen, we are at an impasse, after billions spent on research, we are no closer to getting this bird in the air than we were five years ago. Therefore, we're posting the critical plans online so the Chinese can get them, then hopefully, our spies can find out how they fix it!"

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Read the proposed US ASTEROIDS Act to green-light mining IN SPAAAACE

Captain DaFt
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meanwhile:

Captain Eugene Cernan turned 80 this year, no closer to his dream of losing the title 'Last man on The Moon', While Congress babbles inanely about how their corporate overlords get to divide the riches of the solar system.

NASA has to beg for crumbs to study the mysteries of creation while the NSA and US military get billions to spread fear and mistrust of the US around the world.

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El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

Captain DaFt
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Re: For extra bonus points...

"there are still iron mongers in Spain where you can buy just one screw."

Not to mention numerous bordello's as well.

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Google went behind our backs and really HURT US, squeal upset porn kingpins

Captain DaFt
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Re: Retention rate

@ Bloakey1

OK, You've got everyone looking at me funny now.

Best laugh I've had all week, especially since it brought to mind:

"How do you feel about sex on the telly?"

"Oh, I'm against it! I mean, I keep falling off!"

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Presto! After Supreme Court loss, Aereo says it's a cable company now

Captain DaFt
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Can't have it both ways, can they?

He said, "Am not!"

They said, "Am too!"

Judge agreed with them.

Now he's saying, "Well, if you say I am, let's go that way."

They say, "NO FAIR!"

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What's your game, Google? Giant collared by UK civil lib minister on 'right to be forgotten'

Captain DaFt
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"He needs to have his head bashed on the table a few times."

All that'd accomplish is a dented table.

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Ex-NSA boss Alexander joins bankers' CYBER WAR COUNCIL

Captain DaFt
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Re: wtf?

"No habla ingles, Mi nombre es Juan. Tal vez usted tiene un número equivocado?"

or,

"Beedle beep! To insure your telephone experience, all calls to this number are monitored. Thank you for your co-operation."

or,

"HAHAHAHAHA! <snerk> AHHHH-HAHAHA HA HA HAAAaaa... No."

or,

"Dude, I already put those on Youtube."

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What's that burning tire smell? It's Microsoft screeching away from the No-IP car crash

Captain DaFt
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Oh the irony!

Imagine the poor souls that shied away from Windows, eschewed all MS products and services, only to discover that Microsoft can still trash their computing experience!

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Man FOUND ON MOON denies lunar alien interface

Captain DaFt
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Re: Some of those redditors...

"Because of Tetsuo Shima?"

No, Piccolo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7KWykbYNqs

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Star Wars: These are the 'unknown' actors we were looking for

Captain DaFt
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Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

Um, I'm going out on a limb here and leaking the entire plot for the entire planned series of movies:

Cameos!

Fan Service!

Plot twists!

Unexpected romances!

Jedi battles!

Epic space battles with space ships acting like fighter planes!

Light Sabers!

All *NEW* and exciting special effects attributed to 'The Force'

Epic Land battles with light sabers, Weird aliens, droids, fantastical and extremely unlikely war machines, ray blasts, and...

EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS!!!

arblegarblegarble <foams at mouth and head explodes>*

*Yes, that was actually in the transcript.

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Fridge hacked. Car hacked. Next up, your LIGHT BULBS

Captain DaFt
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As parodied here: http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff2500/fc02464.htm

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NSA dragnet mostly slurped innocents' traffic

Captain DaFt
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Right! that's enough!

Time for an intervention.

Someone get Matt Paxton over to the NSA, ASAP!

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

Captain DaFt
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"If I was exchanging semi secret stuff in the clear, I'd use brainfuck just to mess with them"

Actually trying to use brainfuck to do anything useful is the one sure way to get off any watch list, since you'll be a harmless looney.

It's called 'Brainfuck' for a reason, y'know.

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Captain DaFt
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"Unlike the politicians, who drift in and out of the government at the whim of the voters -- along with their investigations and reforms."

Oh, if only! Presidents come and go, likewise Governors, but Federal and State Congress critters usually go on and on for decades, because the voters don't know who they are, and just vote red or blue.

Saddest part? Most Congress critters regularly swap party affiliation according to which is least on the shit-list, so when the voters "Vote out that @$#^ arsehole!", they're actually re-electing him!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: they're a spy agency

The way the spy game is supposed to be played is:

Step one: Find leads

Step two: Follow up leads to see if they merit interest.

Step three: Actively pursue hot leads.

Step four: Use intel gained in step three to thwart espionage and sabotage against country.

The way the NSA plays it

Step one: Throw out as wide a net as possible, collect and store all possible information, regardless of relevance.

Step four: Badger Congress for even more funding to gather and collate even more information.

Step five: Look like incompetent idiots everytime you're caught with your pants down because you have no steps two, three, or a working four.

Step six: use outcome of Step five as ammo for Step four.

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Japan makes Prius palatable with road map to hydrogen cars

Captain DaFt
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Re: Go Japan Go

"You may hope, but where will the energy come from for electrolysis of water to hydrogen & oxygen?"

Obviously, once hydrogen production has increased consumption of oil and natural gas so much that they run out even more quickly than anticipated, we'll all be forced back to safe, non-nuclear coal!

Then wondering where all the smog is coming from since everything is using non-polluting hydrogen.

(of course, if they ever harness the power of sarcasm, people like me will power the future!)

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What do we want? CAT VIDEOS! How do we get them? TOR!

Captain DaFt
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Re: They're just sick and fed up of seeing terrorists use encryption to hide their plans!

I'm still waiting to hear who these terrorist groups are that jump onto the internet in hordes, swapping their nefarious plans willy-nilly across the internet.

So far, all the ones I've heard about on the news use runners that either deliver plans orally, written on paper, or loaded on USB sticks.

Of course they *could* be using Google+, no one ever looks there.

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Is there too much sex and violence on TV?

Captain DaFt
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Today we see how sex and violence are destroying our permissive society

Tomorrow's outrage generating headline will show how rampant Political correctness is strangling society with censorship.

"Sesame Street, the world award winning Children's TV Educational show, has to put the warning 'Not suitable for children' on its first season DVDs."*

*Not making that up. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16314549

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/magazine/18wwln-medium-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

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Captain DaFt
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Re: New Category Needed

Changing the channel never works.

And as one wag put it: "There's a control labeled 'brightness' on my TV, but no matter how I set it, the shows are still dumb!"

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UK Xmas 2014: Go to shops a normal human, walk out a glasshole

Captain DaFt
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Re: Picture caption of the week

Now I want the tee shirt!

http://shirtshovel.com/sex-dickenscider.shtml

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Girl gamers sexism row: Top e-sports federation finds reverse gear

Captain DaFt
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Full speed train wreck!

It sounds even more condescending than the way it was before.

'Separate but equal' becomes 'You cute little thing, of course you can play with the fellas! But when you've tired of that, we have a special little clubhouse, just for you!'

No. If it's equal, it's equal. One field, everybody plays by the same rules.

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Lindsay Lohan sues Grand Theft Auto V makers for 'using her image'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Well then-

I don't know... It is rather thin, and those wings do rather resemble spread legs.

http://regmedia.co.uk/2013/09/22/lohan_team_vulture_2.jpg

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Apple fanbois to talk at the iWatch, INSPECTOR GADGET style – report

Captain DaFt
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You heard it here first!

"It also could aid penetration of China, which Cook said has a ways to go."

So the service will be called iLube?

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NASA aborts third attempt at finally settling man-made CO2 debate

Captain DaFt
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Re: You mean you don't know?

Meh. Human caused/natural causes, real or scaremonger generated, I found a quote that puts the whole furor in perspective:

"What happens if we clean up the environment and it not the cause of global warming? All we'd have then is no smog, non-polluting power and clean water."- Art Challenor

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Speed of light slower than we thought? Probably not

Captain DaFt
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Re: If gravity bends light...

The speed of dark is obviously faster than the speed of light as you can demonstrate with a simple experiment:

Open your closet door. You can see light enter the closet, but dark moves so fast that you can't see it leave.

As for the heat question, Radiant heat is just another form of light, but shiftier, as it doesn't let us see it. Who knows what it's up to.

Conductive heat is just agitated matter. Some photons, usually from the shifty Radiant heat mentioned above, seek to keep matter agitated. Most respectable photons just move a little faster when they see agitated matter, they don't want to get involved.

Convective heat is just conductive heat trying to escape the gravity of the situation, therefore the same rules apply to it.

Sexual heat is the odd situation where intellect has shifted from between one set of limbs to between the other pair. This may cause passing photons to stop and stare, usually yelling "Get a Room!"

So, as you can see there is no easy answer to that question... Er, what was it again?

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True fact: Your CAT wees ... like a racehorse

Captain DaFt
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Re: Perhaps Predictable

"How do you get a Tiger to pee in a bottle?"

Simples, the tiger is a cat, ergo, you make it clear that it can urinate anywhere *except* in the bottle.

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Captain DaFt
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Re: Timezones

Well, I've never tried one myself, but an old New-Englander did once share the recipe:

Clean and dress seagull as you would any poultry.

Preheat oven to 350F (175C)

Place seagull in a pan, add one brick, place in oven.

Bake 3-5 days.

Throw away seagull, eat the brick.

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Facebook: Yes, we made you SAD on PURPOSE... for your own good

Captain DaFt
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Here's a link for anyone interested:

https://diasporafoundation.org/

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Power BI: Office 365 just got more intelligent

Captain DaFt
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Re: Lovely. Not.

"More pretty but meaningless diagrams, based on arbitrary and unstated datasets extracted as meta-statistics from larger datasets from unknown and/or unchecked sources. If that's 'intelligence' then give me ignorance, please."

Hey! If it's good enough for the NSA...

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Walmart in iPhone 5s, 5c price slash – gotta make room for that 'iPhone 6', right?

Captain DaFt
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Heretic here

So, because it's Apple phones, nobody considers it might simply be because they're not selling that well for Walmart?

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What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Captain DaFt
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I'm a bit disappointed in the LG model

Previously, they offered a wristwatch that was a cellphone;

http://www.lg.com/uk/mobile-phones/lg-GD910-watch-phone

and in my opinion, looked better than this one.

Unfortunately, they seem to have pulled that model in favor of this one.

/petulant "I wanted to look like Dick Tracy!" petulant/

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