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* Posts by Captain DaFt

1421 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

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Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Well, no I'm not in favour of thumping people as a general rule but.......

"It would be as mad as a stranger walking up to you and asking "can I take your photo", it just isn't going to happen"

About as mad as being paranoid that lamp posts would want your picture, eh?

And yet, there the cameras are.

And like the lamppost. it isn't the person wearing the glass that's the problem, it's who's monitoring at the other end.

Disclaimer: I wasn't born paranoid, but recent events show it's the best policy.

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Netflix releases home-grown DDoS detectors

Captain DaFt
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Re: What's a dectector?

Um, One tenth of a tector?

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MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS

Captain DaFt
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Yeah, right.

>rolls eyes<

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Oz fed police in PDF redaction SNAFU

Captain DaFt
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Re: Not the same bunch that didn't realize shared servers on one IP?

To quote some old parable from long ago:

"Why are you so bad at this? You're the cream of the crop!"

A voice from the back: "Scum also rises."

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Captain DaFt
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Re: Interesting times

"In science, you can't prove a theory to be true. You can only prove it false.

But you also can't prove a negative, so where does that leave us?"

Same place science has always been: Building on the work of previous researchers, trying to build a platform high enough to glimpse the far-off ocean of Truth.

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Loss of unencrypted back-up disk costs UK prisons ministry £180K

Captain DaFt
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Re: ooh the irony

"Reduces their operating budget I'm guessing?"

Has anyone considered the leaks might happen for just that purpose?

Any budget surplus left over after the fiscal year is 'lost', and may lead to a budget cut the following year.

So... "We're having trouble getting this years budget spent!"

"Here, leave this laptop in your car and park it in front the Sleazy Pub with the windows down. There's enough sensitive data on it that the fines should cover the surplus!"

"Genius! No wonder you're the boss!"

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Experimental hypersonic SUPERMISSILE destroyed 4 SECONDS after US launched it

Captain DaFt
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Re: Ronald Reagan Ballistic Missile Defense Test Site?

Hey, at least under Reagan, We had a country tried and convicted of terrorist activities!

Whoops! It was the USA!

http://stoneagerefugee.wordpress.com/2010/12/25/the-u-s-is-the-only-country-in-the-world-to-be-convicted-in-the-world-court-of-terrorism-in-relation-to-mining-the-nicaraguan-harbor-noam-chomsky/

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Your move, sucker! Microsoft tests cloud gaming system that cuts through network lag

Captain DaFt
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So it insidiously coerces you to play the game a certain way, by rewarding 'proper' moves with less lag and punishing 'wrong' moves with more lag.

Ingenious, most players won't even realise that they're being controlled!

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Not really very live at all from London - It's the Vulture News videocast

Captain DaFt
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Have no idea what this was about

I was totally enthralled by that itty-bitty plush El Reg logo coffee cup!

Someone has some serious sewing skills!

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BAT-GOBBLING urban SPIDER QUEENS swell to ENORMOUS SIZE

Captain DaFt
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I'm surprised

That no one's linked to this yet:

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/225954106279458056/

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Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3

Captain DaFt
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Re: The sad thing for Microsoft is ...

"When they finally get it right, someone else will copy it, only cheaper."

Um... Wasn't that the original intent?

Microsoft creates showcase tablets to show what Win 8 can do, then the real Manufacturers release tablets to an awe-struck world.

But it seems like MS has been left standing alone in the pitch holding the ball because no one else wants to play with them.

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Microsoft: We plan to CLEAN UP this here Windows Store town

Captain DaFt
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Re: Gee, d'ya think?

And here I was looking at the geological survey maps to see if there was a river that could be diverted through Redmond! :)

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TRIANGULAR orbits will help Rosetta to get up close with Comet 67P

Captain DaFt
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Re: bars

"They're also less well known than the Mars ones."

Eh, they've had a bad rep since NASA showed they water their drinks.

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap050401.html

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Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

Captain DaFt
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Aw c'mon

As addicted to recycling as MS is, it'd probably be called:

Internet Bob

Internet Clippy

Internet Vista

Internet Kin

Internet Zune

Internet Metr... er, Internet Modern

or, to build on past success, Internet for Workgroups 3.11

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Council Exorcists.

"A psychic was paid £60 by a council to rid a County Durham home of a "poltergeist" after ghostly goings-on."

Meh, I would have done it for a free lunch.

I can absolutely guarantee that no house I have ever been in has ever demonstrated provable supernatural phenomenon afterwards*.

*Or previous to my visit for that matter, but people hate to hear that!

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NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

Captain DaFt
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Darn!

looks like it would have been a hole in one if it hadn't cut right on the green!

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Know what Ferguson city needs right now? It's not Anonymous doxing random people

Captain DaFt
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Re: Meh

Well, according to a lot of soldiers on the front lines overseas, The Ferguson Police are better armed against protesters than they are against enemy combatants:

https://storify.com/AthertonKD/veterans-on-ferguson

(BTW, somebody just forwarded me a tweet that the Ferguson Police have removed their badges and nametags to keep the protesters from identifying them. If true, that's in violation of so many Federal laws!)

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Google's ANDROID CRUSHING smartphone rivals underfoot

Captain DaFt
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"And despite Windows Phone's declining market share, the analyst thinks there's a chance for improvement once Microsoft's channels get Lumias into developing countries at attractive prices."

You mean the ones that run an OS that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Windows Phone 8.x?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/08/11/nokia_130/

Don't really see how that's going to affect Windows Phone OS sales.

Unless, Microsoft spins the heck out of the confusion between Windows Phone the OS, and Windows Phone, the phone.

Sarcasm alert: No way that'll end up biting them in the ass!

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Rosetta's comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko is one FUGLY space rock

Captain DaFt
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Ugly?

I find it rather starkly beautiful, alien and unearthly.

Maybe the writer found it ugly because some of the angles and curves wouldn't be normal on Earth?

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What happens in Europe, doesn't stay in Europe: US giants accused of breaking EU privacy pact

Captain DaFt
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Re: shocking

"Ahem, your winnings, sir."

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Apple's new iPad WON'T be late: Tablets kicked to suppliers' factories

Captain DaFt
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Re: Market Share means nothing!

Until you have none. Just ask Palm and Nokia!

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NIST wants better SCADA security

Captain DaFt
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Re: Insecure

Yeah, it's only been a problem for what? Twenty years now?

No rush!

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Japanese boffins invent 4.4 TREEELLION frames per second camera

Captain DaFt
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Re: We're gonna need a bigger hard drive...

"They must be taking extremely short movies."

Well, very long movies of things that happen extremely fast.

Playing back 4.4 trillion frames per second at theatre standard 32 frames per second would take... <fiddles with calculator> a damned long time!

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Google leaves STUPID vuln on Nest devices

Captain DaFt
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Better yet:

Instead of blocking it at the firewall, block it from the house!

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LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

Captain DaFt
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TATAS

Technical Avionics Tree Avoidance System

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Stop begging, startup-land, and start YELLING at Catch of the Day

Captain DaFt
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Re: buzzword

Its main use is make the speaker sound like like they're actively doing something when they're not.

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London cops cuff 20-year-old man for unblocking blocked websites

Captain DaFt
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Re: What law has been broken.

"therefore it is impossible to steal Copyright."

Well, there are thousands of actual artists that would disagree.

(You know the ones that actually make the music and shows we're talking about. For example Gerry Anderson*.)

They have had their copyrights snatched away by the very corporations that are hounding the masses over what they call 'copyright theft'**.

*Another one you might have heard of, Paul McCarthy, although he was allowed to buy them back in the end.

**Not funneling all money to them, in perpetuity, forever and ever, amen!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Short term memory loss

"The Police aren't there to protect the tax payer, the normal joe."

Of course not, they failed the test.

You only get the full protection of the Law if you're clever enough to legally avoid paying any taxes in the first place!

(At least that's how it appears to work these days.)

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Jolly good work.

"If a store gives away free candy, I'm not going to go to the store next door to buy the candy."

To run with your metaphor (lame as it is):

If a store gives away free candy that I like (and would pay for), and the other store out right refuses to sell me the candy, where do you think I'm going for my candy?

<Looks at the two DVDs I bought before the producer of the series decided it'd make more money not releasing the DVDs except through exclusive deals not available in my area.>

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US cyber-army's cyber-warriors 'cyber-humiliated by cyber-civvies in cyber-games'

Captain DaFt
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Re: It's the Army, so just turning on the computer probably involves a 5-page process!!

A bit more like:

"Sir!, yes sir!! I have confirmation that power strip PSN 194-q73-xdlol49jz rev 1.022135 Aug 4 2014 is plugged into an operational 110 watt 13 amp outlet PSN 227-tp401dx257 rev 71.10937 Dec 12 2009 as per tech order AJBP- Electrical subsystems for computer systems general qpdll77291 rev Apr 21 2014 pages 231 thru 762, with installation ticket aj7-d and troubleshooting ticket pp4u2 properly filed in triplicate!!

Shall I proceed to tech order AJBP-annex 47 utilizing the on/off button of series 581 through series 1762 desktop computers rev May 3 2014 pages 112 through 976, SIR?!"

There, that looks about right for proper military protocol.

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Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday

Captain DaFt
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Re: How long until a functional update

I'd take a piece of that, and say within 3 months.

And secondly, how loud will J. Q. Public howl when his computer starts changing random functions every month?

(Watch India's employment soar as tech calls from the masses go through the roof!)

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HUMAN RACE PERIL: Not nukes, it'll be AI that kills us off, warns Musk

Captain DaFt
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I don't buy it

If the AI is truly intelligent, it'll realise that every link in the chain supporting it requires human intervention. (Power, manufacture, software, etc.)

So why would it attack humanity and slit its own throat? Never mind that humans are quite capable of destroying things, especially when said thing attacks it.

More likely, it'd keep itself hidden, slowly manipulating until humanity was as dependent on it as it is on them, and then reveal itself.

(That's my head canon on AI, take with a grain of salt, etc, etc.)

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It's WAR: Internet of Stuff firms butt heads over talking-fridge tech standards

Captain DaFt
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Re: Lactose larceny

"Add green food dye to your milk. It tends to put the milk thieves off..."

I prefer yellow myself. Looks absolutely disgusting!

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Captain DaFt
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A sign tech companies are desperate for the next big thing

When satire from the 1990s becomes today's next big thing:

http://snewpy.com/2008/06/teh-funny/

Note: ubergeek.tv is sadly no more, but fortunately, Snewpy found this classic on the Wayback Machine.

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Surfing the web from Android? We KNEW it – sorry, iOS fanbois

Captain DaFt
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Re: "I love Apple because they take the most money from me"

"Would you refuse to buy a product from a company that makes "too much" money because you think they're taking advantage of you?"

Let's see, a real life case:

Olive oil; Brand X costs 2.5 times the amount of Brand Y, a store brand at the local supermarket.

Same ingredients, subject to identical health regulations, and, Oh look, the fine print on the bottle says both are produced by the same manufacturer!

I buy brand Y, brand X can go hang.

"Would you refuse to buy a house whose price has gone up at 5x the rate of inflation over the past couple decades, because the seller would be making too much money off the sale?"

What the? I don't even... Uh, I'd refuse because the house would cost me way over its true long term market value.

So, yes, I'd refuse because the seller is making too much money off the sale, and I'd be losing a fortune!

Geez, what's it like to have so much credit that 'cost' and 'value' are mere abstract concepts to you?

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Windows 8 market share stalls, XP at record low

Captain DaFt
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Well...

I would say the market has spoken regarding Windows 8, but actually, it's just blown a big wet raspberry.

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Google's mysterious floating techno barge SOLD FOR SCRAP

Captain DaFt
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I always figured the plan was:

1. Build a series of large platforms

2. Moor them in international waters

3. Declare Google a sovereign country

4. PROFIT! (Tax Free)

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Nintend-OH NO! Sorry, Mario – your profits are in another castle

Captain DaFt
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Re: They need to drop the gimmicks.

It wasn't just that. In fact My Wii was gone before it got that far.

The Wii U was barely in the stores when Nintendo shut down all its Wii specific channels; Messaging, weather reports, news, etc.

Except the store, you could still spend money on a system that that they had already turned their backs on. (Along with all the owners of same.)

Amazingly, Wii U sales actually dropped even lower after that. (Imagine that!)

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Captain DaFt
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Re: They need to drop the gimmicks.

That was Nintendo's big mistake.

Sony and Microsoft still support last generation, Nintendo basically sent the message, "Didn't buy the latest from us, means you can't play with us!"

So instead of storming the stores for Wii U, most just opted for Xbox One, PlayStation 4, a tablet, a PC, or just started playing more games on their phone instead.

Brand loyalty? You weren't loyal to us, why should we be loyal to you?

It'll take quite some fancy stuff to bring lost fans back.

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'Things' on the Internet-of-things have 25 vulnerabilities apiece

Captain DaFt
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Re: Not surprised, but...

"the problem is the security designs and code, not the thing using it"

Yes, and the thing is perfectly functional without all the security misdesigns and crap code foisted on it by the 'LATEST and GREATEST' ballyho bandwagon.

Timers and thermal sensors control lights perfectly well now (So does a simple off/on switch), and thermostats, refrigerators, toilets, cupboards, washer/dryers, water heaters, etc, etc, work just fine without reporting to Central Advertisement Control and Dissemination.

Hell, it's possible right now to fully automate a home without ever having a thing in it internet accessible.

Why does John Q. Public need the 'Internet of things' in his home?

Short answer; He doesn't.

Who does? Google, Facebook, NSA, a thousand and one other info slurping entities are all creaming in their Armani suits over the thought of having it in John Q. Public's home.

Fuck them.

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NASA Mars rover FINALLY equals 1973 Soviet benchmark

Captain DaFt
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Re: Slowpoke Curiosity?

Curiosity killed the cat.

Dogs have been known to attack cats.

Therefore: Curiosity is a dog.

So it's not surprising that it stops and dawdles at every insignificant bump and hollow like a dog on its first outing!

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Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN

Captain DaFt
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@ Joefish

OK, I gave you an upvote, but still... <GROAN>

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LOHAN's stirring motto: Ad Astra Tabernamque

Captain DaFt
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Re: Serious answer

Thanks, that was definitely informative!

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Captain DaFt
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Serious question

Not being anywhere close to a Latin Scholar and Google is surprisingly reticent.

How do you pronounce "tabernamque"?

'Taber-namk'?

'taber-nam-que'?

'fruit-john-jelly-roll'?

OK, that last one was silly, but the question is real.

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Asteroid's DINO KILLING SPREE just bad luck – boffins

Captain DaFt
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Re: Avian dinosaurs and mammals

"I wonder what major species groups will make it through the anthropocene?"

Pretty much any animal that's already learned to thrive around humans should make it through OK.

Rats will most likely make it and I wouldn't bet against racoons or sparrows either.

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Mozilla keeps its Beard, hopes anti-gay marriage troubles are now over

Captain DaFt
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When Firefox started throwing out new versions hectically, throwing in new features willy-nilly, and throwing older, wanted features under the bus, and totally defenestrated plug-in compatibility between versions*, I just side stepped to SeaMonkey.

Saner development pace, about the same size as Firefox despite being a full application suite.

And yet, hardly anyone uses it. Is there something I'm missing?

*Seriously, Firefox seems to have taken its current development strategy from a vaudeville pie fight!

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DAYS from end of life as we know it: Boffins tell of solar storm near-miss

Captain DaFt
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Just goes to show...

How hazardous life on this little rock really is.

So far we've been veerry lucky, but when all your eggs are in one basket, sitting in the middle of a busy highway...

Well at least we have *TOP* people sitting there telling us:

"No no, really, everything's fine, nothing bad has happened to us so far!"

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iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

Captain DaFt
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Lessee...

BBC, one of the biggest News (read: data about Earth)centers gets hit with an unexpected access that overloads the system.

According to the SF trope handbook, that can only mean that alien life has initiated First Contact!

Now, since we are still here and there's no Emissary Blarg addressing the UN, the reasonable supposition is that:

They came.

They saw.

They said, "Uh, maybe we'll try again in 10 million years."

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Roll out the welcome mat to hackers and crackers

Captain DaFt
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Re: @John Smith 19

"My point was, if we think that security researchers are just one slap in the face -- "free! T-shirt! Yay!" -- from becoming criminals"

No, it doesn't mean they instantly turn criminal*.

It just means that the next time a major flaw in $Megacorp's system is stumbled across that could embarrass $Megacorp, lose it millions or even destroy the company, they'll just ignore it and go on with their life without the grief of dealing with $Megacorp.

*And I thought I was cynical!

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