Feeds

* Posts by LarsG

2093 posts • joined 4 Oct 2011

Zuck on that! Instagram loses HALF its hipsters in a month

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

They're not leaving

They're not leaving because of copyright, they are leaving because it is just a short lived fad with some people.

'Hey I've got to join Instagram' they shout and a few months later 'just so boring to keep it up'.

Granted there will be a hardcore but face it, what's the point of it? Especially when it doesn't benefit you.

2
2

Bubble baron treats Space Station crew to blowup model

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Carry On Camping

Will it have an integrated toilet, or will they have an attached portaloo?

1
3

'Red October' has been spying on WORLD LEADERS for 5 years - researchers

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Spying?

Spying on Governments and politicians? It would be like trying to understand and make sense of the residents in a Californian Asylum for the criminally insane.

1
0

Apple 'slashes iPhone 5 screen orders', tight-fisted fanbois blamed

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

IPhone screen just not big enough

The problem with the iPhone 5 is that the screen was just not big enough.

It's the phones with the briefcase sized displays that are selling like hot cakes, people no longer want to be understated and sophisticated, instead they want to stand out from the crowd be gaudy and vulgar.

What better way than to pull out a 'massive'' and flash it round a darkened bar. The fashion for men with clothes that have map pockets and combat style trousers where a phone can be secreted halfway down your trouser leg in a pocket meant for ammunition just stokes the sales. Even though the closest they get to the Great Outdoors is crossing the road to get a sandwich. For women the choice is easier, they can carry the 'massive' in a massive handbag (note how little bags are not so 'in') even when wearing skinny jeans they remain connected.

The next generation of 5",6" and probably 7" phones may yet be developed, they probably won't sell well though, you'd look like such a pr*ck getting that out in a bar.

2
9

Microsoft flings out emergency patch for Iatest gaping IE hole

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

An

A patch to patch the patched patch.

I feel safer now.

1
1

Twitter's Tweetdeck must 'file accounts or be struck off'

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

I think HMRC will look at this and wonder why they continue with a business that has no value.....

Questions may be asked as to where the profit is?

0
1

Biz barons jumpy over EU draft data protection reforms

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Oh dear@ Yes Me

Bearded sandal wearing tree hugging Guardian reading Lib Dem voter?

I assume this because of your vitriolic accusatory, burn them at the stake outburst.

Mind you, you could be Spanish, Portuguese, Irish, Maltese, Greek safe in the knowledge that the Bank of Germany will keep you afloat during your occupation.

2
2
LarsG
Silver badge
Happy

The end

The end of pre-ticked boxes?

What will the Banks think?

3
0

Cisco sued by East Carolina University

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Copyright?

Have they not got better things to do with their time?

0
1

Brit robojet ‘Taranis’ set for Oz test flight

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Prison drone

Sadly they export their dross back to the UK now, most living in the south of England.

3
0

Sorry for the censorship says Chinese chat service

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

If you think that your conversations are not monitored because you live outside China.....

Think again, because that's the stuff they really want to listen to.

1
0

India's tough hacker crackdown: IT security leaflets with every device

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

I suppose

It won't matter to the 53% of the population who can neither read nor write, as to the purchasers, who reads the things anyway?

3
0

Vibrator guru on pleasure tech: 'Of all the places you'd want a quality UI....'

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Never mix tech with sex

The Engineers Song.

Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,

An engineer told me before he died,

Ah-hum, ah-hum.

An engineer told me before he died,

I have no reason to believe he lied,

Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,

Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.

An engineer told me before he died,

And I have no reason to believe that he lied,

(Chorus) That no matter whatever he tried,

His girlfriend was never satisfied!

(Chorus) That girl she had a .... so wide

She could never be satisfied,

(Chorus) The engineer was a designer,

Measured the bore of her v......,

(Chorus) Then he built her a .... of steel,

Powered by a bloody great wheel,

(Chorus) Yes he built a bloody great wheel,

Two brass balls and a .... of steel

(Chorus) Two balls of brass were filled with cream,

And the whole bloody lot was driven by steam.

(Chorus) He tied his girl to the leg of the bed,

Tied her hands above her head,

(Chorus) There she lay demanding a ....,

He shook her hand and wished her luck,

(Chorus) Round and round went the bloody great wheel,

In and out went the .... of steel,

(Chorus) Up and up went the level of steam,

Down and down went the level of cream.

(Chorus) Till at last the maiden cried,

"Enough! Enough! I am satisfied!"

(Chorus) Now we come to the tragic bit,

There was no way of stopping it,

(Chorus) It went like the piston of a train,

He should have fitted a gearing chain,

(Chorus) Clouds of steam blew out the top,

There wasn't a way to make it stop,

(Chorus) She was split from ... to ...,

And the whole .... thing was covered in ....,

(Chorus) It jumped off her, it jumped on him,

And then it buggered their next of kin,

(Chorus) It jumped on a departing bus,

And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,

(Chorus) The last time, Sir, that .... was seen,

Was in Buckingham Palace .... the Queen,

(Chorus) There's a moral to the story I tell,

If you see it coming better run like hell,

(Chorus) Nine months later a child was born,

With two brass balls and a bloody great horn,

(Chorus) The warning in the story is,

Always fit a safety switch,

(Chorus) The crux of the matter is plain to be seen,

You should never trust a MACHINE!

1
1

Oz astronomical observatory survives firestorm

LarsG
Silver badge
Pint

Close enough to barbecue the prawns and sausages but not close enough to warm the beer.

1
0

Inside the new climate row as Mystic Met Office goes cool on warming

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Fish.........

"Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way; well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't, but having said that, actually, the weather will become very windy, but most of the strong winds, incidentally, will be down over Spain and across into France."

Nothing has changed has it?

3
3

Firefox for Android now runs on EVEN OLDER, slower kit

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Re: 15 million more androids @Phoenix50

@Eadon is mistaken, there are only 291 in circulation.

3
0

Facebook testing $100 fee to mail Mark Zuckerberg

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Is there

Is there nothing they will do to get publicity?

0
0

White House rejects Death Star petition: '$850qn too pricey'

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

This

Will be a great disappointment to the many gun happy Americans who would consider owning the best weapon in the Galaxy a right to bear arms.

11
7

Foxconn calls in the cops over supplier bribes claims

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

This is Business Asian Style......

Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is business style

Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

1
0

Just what the world needs: Android in the rice cooker

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Takes

Less than 20 minutes to cook rice.

If you need it quicker buy the ready made stuff.

0
2

Twitter won't unmask racist Frenchie unless US judge says so

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

People have opinions, it's not a crime.

There are so many people who spout nonsense and talk crap that we have to or end up having listened to it in our daily lives. Usually we just roll our eyes and move on.

Publish crap and nonsense on Twitter someone gets offended and then jumps up on to the bandwagon and wants to punish, jail or make an example of the fool.

In real life you'd put your argument against the crap, tell the person they are a prat, move on and have nothing more to do with them. That's the way to deal with it.

Having an opinion is not a crime however idiotic misguided or stupid or offensive your opinion is.

20
6

Texas schoolgirl loses case over RFID tag suspension

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

2020AD our future

New legislation: section 20/23/1847/329-234/ AW

The Government has declared that the population will be micro chipped, DNA sampled and tattoo'd with an identification number.

This is being implemented to protect your freedoms and your rights and to protect the population against as yet unknown threats and dissent. You do not have the right to appeal. You have nothing to fear from your Government if you have nothing to hide.

Failure to comply will result in you being declared a non-citizen entitled to no state facilities.

You cooperation is appreciated.

OUR FUTURE

23
2

US gov blames Iran for cyberattacks on American banks

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Harbinger of Doom

The Iranians should take note in 2014 America will have withdrawn its troops from Afganistan.......

Either keep a low profile and make friends

Develop a nuclear arsenal

Or annoy the Demi God USA and expect swift regime change

The choice as they say, is with you.

2
3

After December surge, Apple has sold 40 BEEELLION iOS apps

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Apple

Article posted at 1.30am and by 9.30am no nasty troll or comments?

What the hell is going on?

1
1

Intel bets the farm on touch-enabled 'convertible and detachable' Ultrabooks

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Winning the battle...

You cannot be everything to everybody, there is always some compromise in a product.

Light portable, long battery life, work station, power user, desktop, handbag size....

No one product will take over.

2
1

Facebook snubs storage barons for cheapo Far East kit - insiders

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Not very patriotic is he...

0
3

US nuke lab drops Chinese networking kit

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

The McCarthy Era

The McCarthy Era Witch Hunts all over again.

God Bless America!

11
1

Lenovo, EA, Intel unite to DESTROY our childhood memories

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Danger of damage

My mum used to throw the board and contents on the board at my dad, usually when she found him helping himself to the pile of money like a banker.

She refused to play after one such episode where my Gran was giving my dad unauthorised loans to keep him in the game. It is so much more tactile when you can throw objects at other players.....

I miss those days..

But if it were my iPad/Tablet flying through the air I might not see the funny side.

2
0

Adobe offers free trip to PowerPC era

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Lets be honest

It's like buying into a reasonably good condition classic car, but it won't have seatbelts, heated screens, central locking, fuel injection, alloy wheels, MP3 player, air con etc

What you get is a piece of history in all it's idiosyncratic glory.

3
0

New gov rules stick pin into bloated ICT frameworks

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Talking through their backsides again.

Letting smaller firms have a slice of the action?

It never ever happens, it's always the bigger suppliers who get the whole cake and make a mess of it, usually because a Polititian or two have a part time job and sit on the board as an advisor. How many times do we hear of politicians retiring or losing their seat only to become directors of the companies they favoured while in power.

Politicians are bent, this is pure sound bite media.

6
0

Segway daddy unveils DIY weight-loss stomach pump

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Bulimics have been doing this for years....

Yes but this machine will prevent the stomach acids from ruining their teeth.

1
0
LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

No no no

A stomach contents sucking up machine!

Though I do see a market for it in Celebrity circles........

Soon there will be Celebs signing themselves into the Betty Ford Clinic for their addiction to the thing.

0
1

Intel uncloaks 'no excuses' smartphone for emerging markets

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Emerging markets

Where the average pay in these emerging markets would be classed as slave labour anywhere else in the developed world unless the product is being sold for peanuts, less that £20 say, it is doubtful that they will sell at all.

In fact I think £20 to the average Bangladeshi, Indian, Peruvian, Angolan, Anfgani, Mongolian,Malian etc etc etc will make the phone out of reach for most. They would have limited sales for those with better paid jobs in the emerging market because the phone would be competing with other brands.

2
0

Chinese go online to protest censorship

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Great, the protest will really have an effect on the Authorities, I'm sure they will change their minds once they feel the power of the protest.

0
0

Chinese man pleads guilty to $100m piracy scam

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

They appear to be amateurs at it, such little profit for so much work.

0
0

Bob Dylan's new album is 'Copyright Extension Collection'

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Well

Opportunistic fleecing by a record company, I bet Dylan only gets pennies from it anyway. As to the 'new material' there is usually a reason why it was never included in the original albums.

Usually the artist thought it was crap and didn't want to publish it.

'New material' albums are a record company scam to fleece the idiots who don't see it for what it is.

18
3

Google turns off Chinese censorship alert service

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Google will tow the line, it is after all one of the biggest markets in the world and Google is after all, ALL about money.

0
0

John McAfee the Belize spymaster uncovers 'ricin, terrorist plots'

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

As nutty as a nut cake on nut tablets......

As paranoid as a paranoid thing on paranoid tablets....

What! you mean it's all TRUE!

3
0

Microsoft burgled, only the APPLE iPADS stolen - cops confirm

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Apparently

Apparently according to the news broadcast they found a significant number of additional surface tablets that were unclaimed by staff but linked by serial number to a theft from a Microsoft Store two weeks ago. Police speculate they were left behind by the burglars.

22
6

Canadian astronaut warns William Shatner of life on Earth

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Shatners ashes will probably go into space.....

0
1

US Patent Office seeks public input on software patents' future

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

They are so fed up with all the patent shenanigans that they want to find a way out.

0
0

Minicam movie pirate gets record-breaking five years in prison

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

The length of the sentence depends on the strength of the lobby group and how much it is prepared to donate to political causes.

38
2

Ubisoft probes sudden rash of hijack attacks on gamers' accounts

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

What a clever ruse to get people to join Facebook.....

3
0

El Reg's 'Chuck Norris' faces down charging elephant

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Yes but

I am confused,

Will this be based on the average weight of

African Elephants or Indian Elephants

Male or Female

Fractions in Baby Elephants (Indian or African)

Or can some one come up with a conversion formula?

0
1

US court ungags Yelp reviewer who dissed builder

LarsG
Silver badge

Yes

But one persons Truth is another persons Lie

The grey area in between is for lawyers.

1
1
LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

Ban all online reviews

Problem solved, but how will I then get my trolling fix?

0
0

Victory on mobile belongs to Google in 2013

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

An article by an Arsenal fan should be taken with a pinch do salt.

6
0

Google wriggles out of FTC search smackdown. Now to Europe!

LarsG
Silver badge
Meh

How much

How much did they donate to Obama's presidential campaign?

1
1

She's a beauty! Super WATER-RICH Mars rock FOUND

LarsG
Silver badge

Re: Extraterrestrial H20

If we know this why have they sent that rover out there?

0
4