* Posts by Wombling_Free

446 posts • joined 15 Sep 2011

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Forget viruses: Evil USB drive 'fries laptops with a power surge'

Wombling_Free

I don't think you need a circuit diagram for that.

I'm currently (haha geddit?) building a Nixie clock, and that little demon doesn't look terribly difficult to recreate. It doesn't even need a USB interface chip, it would just get in the way.

As for plugging in unknown USB sticks, that's what my work desktop is for. I'm sure our my employer's AV software will deal with it. It does keep warning me that the last AV update was in 2009 (I wish I was joking) but I am sure our outsourced IT dept is hitting all their KPIs.

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HAPPY 20th Birthday MICROSOFT BOB

Wombling_Free

Re: How to be a hipster part 47

No, I won't. WordArt is indefensible.

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Wombling_Free

How to be a hipster part 47

You must hate Comic Sans. It is a hipster rule.

It is a FONT for Jove's sake; it's not exactly a threat to civilization as we know it.

Unless you consider books or reading a threat.

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Botched NBN installs leave folks with no internet, or recourse

Wombling_Free

Give up now; sell ENTIRE NATION to Russia / China / venture capitalist

No, really, this country is a freaking joke. We cannot do a SINGLE THING right.

I suggest giving up now, cut our losses, sell the entire nation as an open cut mine, with the proceeds going to the current government and their donors, trust funds and offshore accounts.

The population is probably worth a few hundred each as indentured labour or something, but don't expect too much as the majority of them voted the current government in; they clearly don't have much between the ears. On the positive side they don't seem to notice when they are fed on sh1t3 so they are cheap to feed.

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Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

Wombling_Free

El Reg should be proud

since there is now a 'Vulture' flyable ship.

Pretty good ship too. Now we just need El Reg logos for it...

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Australia threatens to pull buckets of astronomy funding

Wombling_Free
Mushroom

If Australians needed science

then why is there the Bible? ANSWER ME THAT ELITIST SCIENCE SMARTY-PANTS

- actual quote from Tony 'RedBudgieSmugglers' Abbott.

EYES FRONT OR YOU'RE NEXT.

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'Hi, I'm from Microsoft and I am GOING TO KILL YOU'

Wombling_Free
Trollface

Transfer tennis

I once worked in a small office - about 6 of us in a large studio. We had a game - Transfer Tennis. Easy to play. You transfer the call to the next person - +1 point. Each time you get it back, you increase your points gained, eg, second time, +2; third, +3. If you get hung up on, thats -5. Each swear word from the caller is +1 (must be on speakerphone to get this) and +5 for death threats.

It would go like this:

<ring>

Me: Good morning this is blah blah blah, etc...

India: Yes very good morning to you too sir we have detected a fault with your...

Me: Ah, is this IT related? I'll transfer you to IT.

2nd Player: Hello, etc (longer and more complex greetings are good form)

India: Yes it is a very fine morning indeed sir could I just get you to turn on...

2nd Player: Ah, you're after IT? Sorry, this is finance, we use abacusses. I'll pass you to IT...

etc. When it gets back to you, you could try a silly voice (Indian accent: Oh, hello? You are being transferred too? What a coincidence! Please hold!) or just use the same voice, pretend to be a different division - if challenged, say 'Oh you must mean Roger, he sounds just like me.'

Scores in the teens are considered legendary and you will receive fame and your colleagues ovation forever.

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BOFFINS: Oxygen-free, methane-based ALIENS may EXIST on icy SATURN moon Titan

Wombling_Free

If this follows the plot from 'Titan' by Stephen Baxter

we all have only about 11 years to live.

One of the highlights to look forward to are carving statues of oneself out of ones own sh1t using ones teeth.

Oh, we've grounded the shuttles already? Just the statues then, not the sweet oblivion of a Chinese asteroid to the Atlantic.

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NASA 'nauts complete another EPIC SPACEWALK to route cables around ISS

Wombling_Free

Cables? Piping?

Or very secure straps to the Russian modules....

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BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution

Wombling_Free

Uncanny

Or you happen to work for a certain large retailer.

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MELTDOWN: Samsung, Sony not-so-smart TVs go titsup for TWO days

Wombling_Free

Any Samsung fail counts as a win

if it means their bloody awful software isn't running.

I do note that my Chromecast, plugged into my Samsung TV, is working perfectly.

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

Wombling_Free
Holmes

just the single reference

Did you not notice that Bob Howard's full name is Bob Oliver Francis Howard?

I also have a theory that Charlie Stross and aManFromMars share the same quantum waveform.

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Australia's Akamai ranking has nothing to do with the NBN

Wombling_Free

But how is Big Tony going to collect our metadata?

If we can't send the metadata, they can't collect the metadata.

If the governmonkeys want my metas, they can bloody well up the speeds so I can send it to them.

Maybe we'll all have to mail it in via AusPist.

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Telstra copper at crisis point, endangers NBN, says union

Wombling_Free

Re: All Telstra's fault

"to let it rot then find some way of getting paid to fix it. Looks to me like they've managed to do that quite nicely, and even get paid twice for it..."

should read

"to let it rot then find some way of getting paid. Looks to me like they've...."

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Wombling_Free

Telstrash

Well, some of the faults were self-inflicted: twice in 2014 Telstra crews cleaned out our local junction pit with a 75mm firehose - directly connected to the mains hydrant in our street. A water jet strong enough to knock you over being directed into the patch frame. Stay classy, Telstra.

Oh, and when I lived in a flat in Kirribilli that dated to the 1890's we had bloody awful wiring, both electrical and phone. A Telstra tech came round to address our complaints of no phone, and when we did have a phone we seemed to share the line with most of our neighbours. I watched as he stripped down the patch frame (which was more oxide than frame - it crumbled in his hands) and exposed the wiring beneath - which was copper RODS - not wires. Wrapped in what was apparently horse-hair & tar. Which, he told me, was quite common in the area.

Austfailia; you're standing in it.

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Samsung gets KINKY with new Galaxy in 50 SHADES OF GREY

Wombling_Free

It's a Samsung

So it's more like GALAXY FORKED. As in 'totally FORKED'. As in 'anything Samsung makes is FORKED'.

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Tiger Moth: Old school flying without all those pesky flaps, brakes and instruments

Wombling_Free
Thumb Up

Blue above, blue below

I've done two flights in a Tiger Moth; one aerobatic flight over the Pacific Ocean off the Gold Coast, Queensland; and one flight where I had the controls for 20 mins over the hinterland west of Coolangatta.

Love it; love it; love it. The Tiger is I think my favorite aircraft ever - they are the absolute spirit of flying.

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THREE vans and FIVE people: that's what Telstra needs to fix one fault

Wombling_Free

The top photo is wrong

Thats what your connection box looks like AFTER Telstra have "fixed" it.

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Spent the weekend watching Game of Thrones? You're a FAT LONELY SADDO

Wombling_Free

Re: Could you perhaps tone down your laddish editorial? This isn't RALPH

Two down votes already? Wow! Aren't 'saddos' funny, eh?

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Wombling_Free
IT Angle

Could you perhaps tone down your laddish editorial? This isn't RALPH

Hi Reg editors & writers,

Do you think that describing people people with depression as 'lazy saddos' is either good journalism or even constructive in any way? Perhaps you think it is 'funny'.

If you personally have suffered or know someone who has suffered depression then you will know that it is not a fun disease, nor is something anyone chooses to have; it is a life-threatening and devastating condition, one that continues to endure a stigma of disbelief & doubt due to articles such as the one above.

That people who suffer from depression binge-watch TV is hardly surprising, and to be honest hardly relevant on a site that purports to be relevant to the IT industry. 20 years ago this research would have found that depression sufferers tend to loose themselves in books or VHS videos, 40 years ago books or comics, 80 years ago books - you get the picture - all of which are of little relevance to what The Register purports to focus on.

At least these days there are medications which can help; but unfortunately the most common side-effect of these compounds is significant weight-gain, due to the way neurotransmitters also affect our digestive metabolism.

Given a choice of being either 'over-weight' by current society's rather harsh standards, or being so depressed that every morning is a struggle, every day a chore and every hour of the day you fend off thoughts of suicide - which would you choose?

A bit of escapism is hardly a bad thing - binge-watching doesn't cause or trigger depression, and just by turning off the TV the depression isn't going to magically go away, and no, you can't THINK yourself out of it. Binge-watching is just another symptom; and another indicator that our current lifestyle and society (and I'm making no east/west distinction here) is stressful to the point that a large percent of the population is beginning to suffer from these illnesses.

Maybe a bit of support, or some real journalism about the extent, causes and effects of depression in the IT industry would be a good idea.

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Researcher says Aussie spooks help code Five Eyes mega malware

Wombling_Free
FAIL

It can't be Austfailian

Was it coded in coal dust?

Was it distributed by LNG carrier?

Did it cost about 47 times the projected budget?

Was it even delivered at all?

Was it very, very slow?

Did it even work?

Did it spend any time on Nauru?

If the answer to any of these questions is NO then it cannot have been Austfailian!

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Australia tries to ban crypto research – by ACCIDENT

Wombling_Free
FAIL

Usual Guvmint idiocy

I mean, why not just put "kick us, we are idiots" on our flag?

How are we meant to write the world's malware if we can't use encryption?

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PlayStation-processor-powered plutonium probe prepares Pluto pics

Wombling_Free

They don't make them like they used to.

And sadly, given our current attitudes, they probably won't ever again.

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Elite: Dangerous 'billionaire' gamers are being 'antisocial', moan players

Wombling_Free

my cobra makes a whining noise

Oh, wait. I just left the Elite:Dangerous forum window open.

I've never heard such a pack of over entitled whining brats as the E:D forums; but then again its the first MMO forum I've been a member of.

Frontier have done a wonderful job, and took a well publicized break over xmas - they did launch on the 16/12/14 after all.

It is a shame to see the Reg reporting only the forum trolls; those of us in the alpha/beta phase diligently reported bugs; hey it still has some, what doesn't? The can't connect failures are likely due to their apps on their PCs, not ED. ED lime any network app is sensitive to the actions of other apps - for instance I found that ED and the Citrix receiver don't get along very well. Close Citrix and my issues vanished.

I also suspect most of the glitches are peoples attempts to cheat / hack / crack ED for their own gain, then cry like babies when they corrupt their profile.

Disclaimer - Alpha supporter. Missed kick starter. Mature adult who has spent too much time over xmas break having hours of trouble free, glitch free fun in my Cobra MK3.

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Renault Captur: Nobody who knows about cars will buy this

Wombling_Free

drive like a Christian? eh?

Ayrton Senna was devout Catholic, and when once asked how he got around corners so well answered: "Jesus is there pointing to the apex for me"

No idea if that's true or not, but as a certified agnostic I find that to be quite a beautiful image.

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How much for a wrist job? A tenner normally, but for this one, over $30k

Wombling_Free

We aren't going to make it, are we?

We are doomed as a species. The universe belongs to nematode worms.

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So - you thought you knew all about the INSTANT COFFEE DUNES of TITAN?

Wombling_Free
Mushroom

First astronaut on Titan

Comradeski, I'm just going outside for a smoke.

BANG.

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Telstra's NBN boondoggle nearly set in stone: reports

Wombling_Free
FAIL

In other news...

The Austfailian Governmunt unveils a new Intertubes-to-the-hovel scheme agreed personally with Fox, the big movie studios and other copyright owners called 'Damper-Net'. The cheap infrastructure, conservatively quoted by Telstra to be worth $23beelion Austfailian pesetos is based on CSIRO-developed fibre infrastructure, invented by DNA testing of the unique fibres harvested from the unique Austfailian animal known as the 'sheep' or ('girlfriend' in some parts) combined with the latest results of the spectacular Austfailian mining industry - the steel can.

Also...

Telstra washes out telecoms pit in suburban Sydney with a FIREHOSE for the third time this year. Yes, washing out a switch frame, with WATER. If I wasn't in traffic and thus liable to be thrown in jail for using digital technology while moving I would have been able to provide pics.

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'Regin': The 'New Stuxnet' spook-grade SOFTWARE WEAPON described

Wombling_Free

Put the evidence together

it targets hospitality, health, airlines - this was a country looking for a person/s,

USA, remnant software looking for Saddam, then for Bin Laden, then for whoever else is on the watch list.

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Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

Wombling_Free

When I drive on twisty mountain roads

for maximum safety and ethics, I drive a bulldozer. Especially in tunnels.

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

Wombling_Free

Austfailian media report is fail.

I heard this on the morning radio news in the car - and it was on the ABC, not one of the shite paid-for-comment commercial stations:

Austfailian Government Minister all a-bluster about this DIRTY PERVY HACKING by those HORRID RUSSIANS.

uh, right.

I did not know entering a search in Google now qualifies as 'hacking' in Austfailia; I guess it's just another one of those ways they will round up all the dissidents before the next "election".

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THERE it is! Philae comet lander FOUND in EXISTING Rosetta PICS

Wombling_Free

Next time, Gadget, next time!

If civilization doesn't collapse before we get a next time, can I make the following suggestions as a non-rocket scientist, but a keen observer of history:

1. Send two craft. It worked for Voyager, Pioneer, Viking, Mars Rovers etc. If one fails, you've got a second attempt. It's probably not even twice the price!

2. Redundancy. Did no-one think the comet might have the density of merange, and that pressure-sensitive feet might not work? Two independent thrusters - one a backup? (see above) Maybe a laser rangefinder for landing?

Good job though, at least we go something back. If the EU could maybe trade in a couple of Eurofighters the ESA could send another 4 probes or so...

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Amnesia: A mad Aussie dash through history, hacking and the CIA

Wombling_Free

Maintain the rage.

All conspiracy theories here are plausible. The Governor General acted without the Queen's Consent, something he was required to gain before sacking PM Gough Whitlam.

The next election was a landslide to the Lib/Nats, despite massive public opinion in favour of Labor.

As we say down here: "Vote early; vote often" - our ballot system is pretty easy to rort if you have good organisation...

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Space Commanders rebel as Elite:Dangerous kills offline mode

Wombling_Free

5,000+ people show themselves to be slightly illiterate...

Including the Reg it seems.

The newsletter did not state that offline was being removed.

It stated, quite clearly, that offline mode (it's still there!) is required to connect 'from time to time'. I think this can be taken in a positive light, as there are *plenty* of examples of software that needs to connect 'from time to time' for all sorts of reasons.

Frontier have only modeled the entire Galaxy - probably a bit of a stretch to fit that in 4GB of RAM at 32bits, really!

I for one can't wait - I've been looking forward to this day for about 28 years...

Declaration of Conflict of Interest: Alpha Backer, who has spent way too much time of late carving up asteroids in my Hauler, about to upgrade to Cobra to do some heavier trade runs. I want to try to get a Clipper before the next wipe! Right on, Commanders!

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Behold the Lumia 535 NOTkia: Microsoft wipes Nokia brand from mobes

Wombling_Free
WTF?

Logo on the back I can understand...

..it's free advertising after all.

Why the logo on the front though? Do people regularly forget what phone they have, and wonder why their iOS apps aren't on it? Do they have to sift through a pile of phones to find the right one? "I'm pretty sure the Microsoft one was ringing, I think I left it under the Nokia, but I'll have to move the Blackberry and the Erriccssonn before I can move the Apple to get to the Sony that's covering the Microsoft"

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Australia's going to need a standalone metadata retention bureau

Wombling_Free

Re: I for one will be creating as much metadata as possible

I think a small Google Apps script could do a good job of that.

Might be a nice way to send the incumbent bunch of oxygen thieves broke...

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Wombling_Free

Re: @Thorne Realisation

Yes, a table-cloth full of shills for Clive 'all this is mine' Palmer and the Shooters & Nutjobs Fourth Reich Brigade.

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Wombling_Free
Trollface

Infinite cheap storage

I hereby submit my tender to the Fascist Overlord TuckFards that run this F...ine land, for the supply of an infinite metadata, meta-metadata, meta-meta-metadata and pr0n (for the backbenchers and Fred N.) storage site.

Fee: $25,000,000 single payment licence. That's right, pay once now, and never again, you can keep this cloud storage system as long as you want, put as much metadata / faked evidence against political enemies / kiddie-pr0n as the Government need into it. Guaranteed to store data forever, in TOTAL security.

One easy to remember address: /dev/null

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Panzura's cloudy gear hits others' WAN optimisation kit for six

Wombling_Free

The issue in the AEC world is that unlike big database, Desktop CAD/BIM applications are relying on PC-level hardware to do what normally takes server arrays. CAD/BIM software is really, really nasty with disk access - with thousands of little read-write-open-lock-close commands on every element within the main BIM database. The example given - 1.5MB is TINY - a 'standard' highrise residential tower can run to 2-3GB file size. The open-lock-close file access requests can number in the millions for a file this size.

Do a test. Download the trial version of Revit from Autodesk, start up Sysinternals ProcMon and run a trace of the file open command on the basic sample file. You will be astonished at the amount of file access faffing around the software does. But hey ho, everyones been busy developing spreadsheets and Flappy Bird clones and not paying much attention to a massive field that is only responsible for, like, cities.

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Is living with Dolby Atmos worth the faff?

Wombling_Free
Boffin

No, he was correct in saying 'fractionally' - as in referring to 'a small fraction' - in this case, OF COURSE the snowflake has to be every so slightly asymmetrical or you're going to get subtractive sono-quantum diffraction all over the place. I mean really, you may as well just use any copper instead of atomically pure mono-isotopic copper nano filaments!

Personally I wouldn't use a speaker number that is a power of two, you should always stick with 2039 or 2053, which are of course primes and thus won't give you any binary artefacts. 2048 speakers is going to end up sounding like a CD and we all know what THAT does to the subtle harmonics that reflect off the conductor's baton.

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Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

Wombling_Free

Was it from the South-south-east corner of the garage?

As all true Apple experts know the terrane in the south-south-east corner of the garage was superb that year, and the boards from that region are suffused with far fewer oxygenated copper micro-inclusions than the inferior specimens from the rest of the garage.

$7.65mil I reckon, could go higher if the wood mounts are vibration-free aged oak from Etruscan wine amphora racks.

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'Space bubbles' may have helped Taliban down 'copter in bloody Afghanistan battle

Wombling_Free

also...

Space bubbles? OK, so not 'brain clouds' then?

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Wombling_Free

Re: Hopefully this will be useful....

No, no, this time the 'freedom fighters' we are supplying weapons to really are the nice ones. They promised that they wouldn't say 'thanks for the training and bang-bang kit', only to turn on us as yet another bunch of nutters in a decades time. I think a solemn commitment to be nice is enough, after all they are very religious, and you can always trust the devout ones, right?

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Student pleads guilty to Frances Abbott 'secret' scholarship leak

Wombling_Free
Black Helicopters

EYES FRONT OR YOU'RE NEXT.

I think it is now a crime to criticise our PM at all. I'm surprised Freya wasn't detained under anti-terrorism laws, then "regrettably shot to death when she lunged at a Federal Officer with a knife" as we call political murder down 'ere.

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SCREW YOU, Russia! NASA lobs $6.8bn at Boeing AND SpaceX to run space station taxis

Wombling_Free
Unhappy

Let's put that in perspective shall we?

US gov spends $6.8b over 3 years to make sure Local Astronauts use Local Spacecraft.

Walmart's CAPEX for FY2015 is $12.8b. For one year. To build or refurb concrete-tilt-up boxes.

Manned spaceflight is worth 2.72 Minecrafts.

There will never be any off-world colonies, will there?

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What the BLOCK? Microsoft to gobble Minecraft-maker 'for $2bn'

Wombling_Free

I've got this nice bridge, too.

It's even built in Minecraft. It must be worth at least a couple of mil?

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Today's weather is brought to you by our sponsors

Wombling_Free

Thanks Tony

For another huge steaming turd laid on the land once called 'fair'.

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Echopraxia scores 'diamond cutter' on the sci-fi hardness scale

Wombling_Free
Boffin

Speak for yourself.

When someone at work stated, with vehemence, that there are always 180deg in a triangle I pointed out that holds true only an a flat plan in Euclidean space.

Are there any readers of El Reg that are NOT aware of what the Coriolis effect is?

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Tesla: YES – We'll build a network of free Superchargers in Oz

Wombling_Free

And with our population that can actually afford a Tesla, we can expect to see charging stations in Double Bay, Toorak and every 200m in the ACT - they always get everything, perhaps to make up for actually living in the ACT.

NOTHING can make up for living in the ACT.

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CSIRO spells out cash-strapped astronomy future

Wombling_Free

Here in Austfailia

The earth is flat, and full of holes where we dug all the stuff out.

What we don't dig, we frack.

The sky is now illegal, and it is an Act of Terrorism to look at it.

Stars are the bits where GOD ALMIGHTY'S GLORIOUS LIGHT shines through.

Recant! Recant!

OR DIE...

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