Plenty of jobs

"El Reg took the test and deliberately chose the most negative answers. This should have painted a picture of a sociopathic layabout who is violently opposed to work, totally devoid of intellect and incapable of treating other people with anything but venomous contempt."

Of course you're employable. You sound like perfect material for a job as a Member of Parliament.

Lost the plot

The advertisers have, for quite a long time, completely lost the plot on advertising because they seem to live in their own little world, disconnected from actual viewers.

The bulk of people probably dont mind a small amount of adverts per hour. They'd look at them. But what we get is nearly a third of our viewing time contaminated by adverts, many of which repeat during the same program, and are often spectacularly stupid or bad. And then they look at each other in confusion and wonder why we all want to marry out fast-forward button...

Hoarding?? Never!!

Keeping old electronics isn't hoarding.

Its off-site backups. For very old sites...

Mega-forcings of a few cooking fires.

I don't suppose these retards have bothered to notice that forest fires (much larger forested areas in Roman times) would reduce human cooking fires to insignificance?? Or perhaps even consider that if these things happenned before any significant human impact it might NOT (gasp!) be caused by the poor little villagers burning wood (most of which would have gone up anyway in those natural fires, so even less impact...)

Of course not, lets just blame it all on the humans (again) and get the old begging bowl out for more grant money.

No Beer

Why did none of this years IgNobles include beer??

Been in use for years...

I fail to see how this is patentable - similar systems (using domes for projection) have been in use in the military for well over 20 years for training. The only difference seems to be to claim it will work in a living room (which, frankly, I will believe when I see it done and not before)

Yet another US-driven patent grab of existing techniques

Its hardly surprising Ultrabooks aren't selling, as no-one in the marketing departments seems to have consulted anyone other than overpaid execs and themselves.

Thinner has caused the price to rise, forced horrible chicklet keyboards on everyone, lost valuable and needed connectors. For no apparant reason, they seem to have gone for a low-rez screen that my 8 year old laptop betters. And a widescreen format uselful only for watching movies - when did you last see someone on the train/bus/Starbucks watching a movie on their laptop???

What the real user wants is lighter weight (getting under 2kg makes a big difference in lugging around); thinness is pointless as its always shoved in the lappy bag anyway(and PLEAE offer a proper keyboard option!). Long battery life, true, 8hours (a days use) is a good target. Most users dont especially need gobs of processing power, so offer a slow down/lower power mode, everyones happy. Put a proper resolution screen on the beast so its actually of some use for real work. Stop with ripping people off for ssd drives. Now you may make the sales targets....however the marketing droids and their managers seem much happier to follow each other over the cliff like good little corporate lemmings

According to their data, there is a lovely medium sized red dot over the UK, indicating we had a warmer than average May.

Really? This is the May where I had to keep the heating on for the first time in..mm...very many years.

I'd love to know where the magic hot areas in the UK were - maybe on top of the Met Office roof next to the heating outlets...?

Now granted the UK is only a small part of the global picture - but if I can see the bit where I live is living in fantasy land, how much belief can I place in the rest of the data? Particularly in the data such as the arctic where they dont have any measuring stations anyway...

Supported by muppets

If the government thinks these are wonderful, marvelous and will save unicorns then I am against them. History proves this to be the correct decision.

Its an even-numbered Microsoft OS, did you really expect something other than a steaming pile of poo?

So £200 more just for a slightly faster version???

Someone in marketing has no idea, do they...

Who cares about doormats?

What a silly unit to use, even for the beeb.

They should have course used the much more popular uk area measurement, the beermat.