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* Posts by Esskay

565 posts • joined 9 Aug 2011

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British designer builds $15m iPhone for Hong Kong mogul

Esskay
Joke

"with full gold dressing for the rear section"

And people thought their Aluminium bodied phones got scratched easily...

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Ofcom: Parents, here's how to keep grubby tots from buying Smurfberries

Esskay
WTF?

Symptom or disease?

Whilst the people coming up with ways to hook children into accidentally/unknowingly clicking on ads are amongst the lowest of the low, and deserve to burn in hell along with lawyers and politicians, surely of equal/greater concern is the parent who gives their latest shiny to their two year old in an attempt to "pacify" them? Not to mention that even from the perspective of a two year old the iPhone/iPad must be completely simplistic and fairly boring - no tactile buttons, no smash-proof surfaces, and once covered in slobber won't even work properly...

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FAA: 'No, you CAN'T hijack a plane with an Android app'

Esskay

Setec Astronomy

The number of theories for why phones have to be turned off demonstrates the quoted pilot's view that "Commercial aviation is a breeding ground of bad information"... And in many cases the airlines have only themselves to blame.

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Movie review: Oblivion

Esskay
Joke

Eadon's review:

Jack's house had windows.

1 star.

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Microsoft Xbox exec quits after ENRAGING the INTERWEBS

Esskay
Unhappy

Even if my home was "always on"

There's no guarantee that the servers would be, as evidenced by Simcity.

I've put about 3 hours into SimCity in the last month, mainly because every time I go to play I think - what if the server cuts out halfway through? What if I play for 2 hours and the server doesn't sync, losing my save (it's happened before)? Once they've got my money there's no incentive for them to maintain the quality of the experience, and anyone so motivated by penny counting as to require always on is probably not going to be concerned about server issues after a sale is made.

Even if Adam Orth's views "do not reflect those of Microsoft's", I find it unlikely that his attitude won't pervade his decisions at the company. Legally Microsoft might felt as though they've clawed their way out, but IANAL, and I care nought for their "legal" position.

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... time machine. Iranian Dr Who claims he invented a ...

Esskay
Facepalm

Surely at some point

The person writing must have sat back, looked at the story and thought "maybe I need to tone it down *just* a little"...

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Boffins propose photon-swapping entanglement experiment on ISS

Esskay
Joke

Why sail around the world?

Everyone knows it's flat, you don't need to prove it.

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MISSING LINK between HUMANS and MONKEYS FOUND

Esskay
Happy

Foolish "Foolishness" Foolishness

The "missing link" header is inaccurate, if only because the primates being described are contemporaries of humans - it's akin to a foolish creationist thinking that evolution means we evolved from gorillas (when, in fact, we share a relatively recent common ancestor).

However in terms of vocalisations humans appear to be far and above anything yet discovered or heard in primates, so the observations of this species of primate, and their apparently advanced communications could well serve as a contemporary "link" between ourselves and primates that has been "missing" from research so far.

I'd say the use of the term is sneaky, but the assumption from the reader is that the term is used in the well-worn context of evolution, to the exclusion of all others - a foolish assumption to make.

Or, since we're on the Reg, it could be someone having a bit of fun with daily mail-esque headline fibbery.

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US Air Force reclassifies 6 cyber tools as weapons

Esskay
Joke

NASA need to follow the Air Force's lead

Just rename a mountain on Mars "Northkorea" and tell the Pentagon they want to send a laser-wielding robot there.

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Provider of FIFA goal line tech chosen, tracks ball in space and time

Esskay
Facepalm

Re: No Refs

Maybe they could also rename the World Cup "So You Think You Can Play Football?" And eliminate a player each week...

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Lasers capture 3D images from a kilometre away

Esskay
Thumb Up

Whilst it may work well for people standing in front of a perfectly flat wall, what happens if they are, as mentioned in the article, in "foliage"? or behind flyscreen? I imagine a system that gets a good reflection off clothing would also get some sort of reflection off fine mesh (although I'm happy to stand corrected). Also the dude's belt appears to be playing havoc with the reflections a bit, perhaps this is one occasion where a tinfoil hat may actually have a use?

The tech is extremely cool though.

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Major blow for Apple: 'Bounce back' patent bounced back by USPTO

Esskay
Facepalm

Unbelievable.

The mere fact that "bounce back" has any bearing on anything in the world at all is depressing, that it affects litigation from one of the world's biggest tech companies against it's rivals is pathetic.

I remember reading books as a kid about "tomorrow's technology", and none of them mentioned any of this useless litigious crap.

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Copyright troll Prenda refuses to explain legal strategy

Esskay
Flame

Burn them.

Burn them with fire.

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Patent shark‘s copyright claim could bite all Unix

Esskay
Pint

FOURONE IP

Was what triggered it...

If the company began with "A" and ended with "E" I probably would have believed it...

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'I've read all the Harry Potters - and I'm proud to have done so for adverts'

Esskay
Facepalm

University qualifications don't protect you from people taking your comments out of context.

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Entire internet credits snapper for taking great pic while actually dead

Esskay
Meh

Typical art-lover responses:

Good photo by renowned photographer -

"photo is amazing! He is truly the most wonderful camera button pusher in the universe, I will quote him, order framed prints of his work and generally act all stalkery around his relatives"

Good photo by little known photographer -

...(already skipped past image)

Whilst not a fan of the journo who wrote this piece, I do appreciate "art lovers" going apoplectic over an image which they claim is by their favourite person, whose style they admire, whose images all have a certain character - only to find that the style, image and character all belong to a different, entirely unknown artist - a fact that they, as "art lovers", have completely, utterly failed to realise.

The sad result is that most art critics, in order to save face, will now hold up "new" photographer as the prodigy of who they thought actually took the photo, and try and bring the second photographer up on a pedestal that no-one else will ever reach - until someone else takes a photo, and credit is given to the well known photographer, etc...

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Revealed: Vendors’ worst sales fluff

Esskay
Trollface

Another phrase to get rid of:

"Face time". (icon seemed appropriate).

I've got a manager that repeatedly talks of Face Time - not getting enough, needing more, scheduling some in - ironically, usage of the phrase is a good way of ensuring that no-one wants to give him any.

For more phrases that need to be restructured going forward, see "Death Sentences" and "Weasel Words" By Don Watson.

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Esskay
Flame

Unfortunately...

"There buzzwords are out"

is usually a precursor to

"These buzzwords are in".

Waiting to be "positively incorporated" into the next "target-oriented vocabulary" any moment now...

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Apple files patent for iPhone with wraparound display

Esskay

Re: Sony and Samsung invent it...

"200 people can patent wrap-around displays that have the same functionality, and in theory at least they can all be perfectly valid"

But only Apple would try and sue the other 199 patent holders for patent infringement.

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Google Street View releases devastated Fukushima town tour

Esskay
Pint

Not just a politician

The guy sounds like a person, rather than the typical mayor - I reckon in a lot of western countries, when the destruction hit, the politicians would be the first ones out and the last ones back - no voters in the city = no need to be there.

Great to see this guy cares enough about the city to not just tell people how much good he's doing, whilst glossing over the bad, but actually showing the world what has happened.

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Apple in Chinese court over patent rights for Siri

Esskay

Re: What's good for the goose...

Apple should count themselves lucky - just wait until they take a leaf out of the US's book and start applying local law on a global scale...

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Want faster fibre? Get rid of the glass

Esskay

Cue The Daily Telegraph headline:

NBN TO BE 30% SLOWER.

Back to reality though, what are the chances of this being mass produced at a decent price? Also the fragiliy of the fibres could be a factor... Sounds promising though, here's hoping something good comes of it.

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Oz shop slaps browsers with $5 just looking fee

Esskay
Facepalm

Anyone thinking about shopping there

Will now probably just wait for the closing down sale.

I can understand some brick and mortar stores getting the shits at people just browsing and going elsewhere, but hasn't that been going on since time immemorial? Nothing stopped people browsing at multiple shops before the rise of the internet (although I'll admit it's a lot easier now). Brick and Mortar stores DO have strengths and advantages over online stores , I can't help but think offering a free sample would encourage people to buy there (out of guilt, if nothing else) more than this sign would. Customer service also goes a long way (but I get the feeling this may be in short supply...).

Ultimately, if people don't buy your wares, putting up what is effectively a paywall to enter is NOT going to change that (in a positive way).

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Curiosity out of safe mode, doing science again

Esskay

Re: cryptic missive

Oh god.... only a matter of time now before all NASA false colour images are uploaded to instagram with a washed out "vintage" filter, lens flare and a fake polaroid frame...

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Esskay
Flame

Re: cryptic missive

I forgot this is the age of 5 second attention spans, where things only get funded if the result is a big explosion or the ability to slap an American flag down somewhere (in the name of Freedom(tm) of course).

Maybe the next rover should incorporate an automated tweeting service to splurt inane crap every five seconds?

"OMG wheelz r so drty LOL #newshoes"

And thanks to the average twatter intelligence level, garbled, corrupted messages won't even get noticed.

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Esskay

"Orlowski is a twat"

It sounds like one of those statements on QI where it's so obvious that you expect the klaxon to go off....

But it doesn't.

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NBN collapses* into chaos*

Esskay

Re: The delay is rather large

How long ago was the roll-out started? 34% might sound like a lot, but as has already been said, this early in the roll-out, 34% of not much is still not much - the marathon runner analogy applies just as well here, claiming his speed is 34% less than what it needs to be 100m into the race, and getting an "expert" to extrapolate that as taking hours longer to complete the race is only "logical" if you're a young liberal.

Contractor issues are real, not dreamed up - the issues with Syntheo not hitting targets have been reported repeatedly, so going on to claim that it's "either bad budgeting or bad management, but I would say both" is ignoring the stated facts.

Re - manpower, the main benefit during rollout is job creation, something of great benefit during a global financial crisis.

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Esskay

Re: Bye, bye copper!

I've priced NBN plans as being cheaper than cable in some instances, allowing for either an increase in usage cap with a similar speed, or increased speed and a slight downgrade in usage (but still very high).

ADSL2+ is great for those who live near the exchange, for everyone else it's balls. At least fibre speeds will increase with only a backhaul upgrade necessary in the future, and distance won't be an issue.

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Esskay

Re: Nice spin

The estimates are unrealistic at the beginning of the project, as any are - I don't think any massive infrastructure project has ever met zero delays, particularly when the timeframe being discussed is one of many years, and particularly when the plan has the opposition roadblocking it at every step. It's like someone tripping a marathon runner in the first 100m and telling all the spectators how that person is definitely going to lose now. This early in the project, a delay is more of a political hiccup than anything that will affect the final timeframe.

Not to mention the fact that as the rollout ramps up, it's entirely feasible that the targets will be exceeded - the idea that this is as good as it's going to get is incredibly short-sighted.

The 457 visa issue only has an impact if the skilled labourers currently coming to Australia under those visas are moving into the telecommunications industry, and are certified cablers. As it happens, I believe a great deal of 457 visas go to people who take up jobs in the mining industry over in WA.

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Esskay
Facepalm

Re: Brownfields? Greenfields?

A quick net-search explains that Brown fields and Greenfields refers to parts of the rollout map which are earmarked for NBN connection within certain timeframes. They're colour-coded to make at-a-glance viewing easier on the interested public.

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Movie, TV ads annoying? You ain't seen nothin' yet

Esskay

A little bit I don't mind

As long as it's used to substitute TV ads, rather than simply in addition to them, I don't mind, and as long as it's not obvious or intrusive (the pickup truck in the video was obvious, the fake TV behind the stand up guy was intrusive).

It's also ironic that a lot of producers are required to pay ridiculous amounts of money/jump through hoops to get clearance to use or even make reference to brands in movies, but now they're spending money trying to get their products back in to the movies...

And what happens if (for example) Ford paid huge sums of money to get their cars into a movie, and the film then airs on TV with GM ads and billboards everywhere? I'm fairly certain Ford won't be too happy, unless there are guarantees that can be made about the types/brands that are used in the ads, I can see traditional product placement disappearing - in effect, nothing changes, and no extra money is made.

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NASA chief: Earth is DOOMED if we spot a big asteroid at short notice

Esskay

Re: @Amorous Cowherder (was: We are born, we live for a while, we die.)

Amazing that someone who "harvests seeds from last year's crop for next year's crop" is unable to see the irony in claiming that "the next century is out of his hands".

The seeds planted today will guarantee survival of your descendants.

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Esskay

Re: Yes the Rothschild Bank and the US Federal Reserve....

I believe the "blow it up into little bits" principle was attempted in a rather well documented clean up of a beached sperm whale.

IIRC, in hindsight, it was generally decided that it wasn't one of mankind's greatest moments.

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Ubuntu tapped by China for national operating system

Esskay
Joke

Possible additions

Send to>

-Home

-Documents

-Gulag

Or maybe a Gimp editor where you can erase people from photos...as well as newspapers, books, history, etc.

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Apple exec says music labels, Hollywood, 'old fashioned' on copyright

Esskay

Ask the rights holders

And I wonder what they'll say? Isn't their Association set up so that they don't have to deal with difficult questions?

Whilst Apple is bad, the Steam store is worse - 2K Games regularly slap a $89.99 US price on goods in the Aussie store, whilst the US store gets the same digital download for $49.99 US.

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Space probe spies MYSTERY 'Cold Spot' in very fabric of cosmos itself

Esskay
Coat

Advanced Boffinry

At what point does boffinry become advanced?

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Review: Sony Xperia Z

Esskay

@Dave 126

Undoubtedly, it's a case of horses for courses - waterproofing is high up on some people's lists, with good reason - it comes down to how we use our phones. But after having Xenon flash on a phone 5 or so years ago, going back to LED is kind of annoying (athough I'll admit the torch feature of the LED is valuable in it's own right).

A seperate flash unit would be great, but then it's another thing to carry around. Still, it's a good way to deliver it to people who want it :)

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Esskay
Meh

Icon says it all

As much as I'd love to see Sony pump out some beaut phones, their flagships seem to always be almost-but-not-quite as good as the competition. They've come to be the phone that people have in their top four but knock it out of the running first.

Plus the features seem haphazard - a special camera mode, waterproof, custom menu - their phones just appear...lost.

And I share the author's lament of the absence of xenon flash on the Xperia (and, to be fair, every handset out there from every manufacturer). My 3.2Mp Sony Ericsson K800i which I have sitting in a desk drawer somewhere still manages to put new "flagship" handsets to shame in nighttime flash shooting, thanks to the Xenon flash - sure, it takes up valuable internal room, and probably drinks battery, but If Sony were looking for a way to *truly* differentiate their phones (and add value to the "cybershot" brand) that would be the way to do it IMO.

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Paying a TV tax makes you happy - BBC

Esskay
Flame

I spent a couple of weeks in the UK

And If I lived there I'd gladly spend a bit to get a TV network without those god-awful Go-compare ads, or a fucking meerkat that talked shite.

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SimCity owners get free game, EA will get A NEW CEO

Esskay
Meh

Spin baby, spin!

"After the offer expires it is likely that an EA/Maxis bean-counter will run the numbers on the games people chose and come up with a number representing either lost or missed revenue."

Also likely is that the titles people choose will be included in EA's "sales" figures for the quarter, painting a rosy picture to cover the sudden reversal of SimCity sales.

I made the mistake of purchasing SimCity. I also made the mistake of purchasing it through a new online vendor offering a low price... Still waiting for my copy to arrive, will be mighty pissed if it arrives after the 25th...

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NORKS says USA attack took it offline ... as if anyone could tell

Esskay

Re: Hmmmmm...

Maybe this is their crack cyber security team getting revenge...

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Esskay

Re: Title

Well his old man was supposedly a lover of Hollywood movies, with one of the largest collections in the world.

Oh the iro-

oh.

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Esskay

Re: The real story.

It's not really a blog, its just an old CRT monitor that someone's written on with a whiteboard marker.

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Esskay
Facepalm

Puts the people of North Korea in a difficult position

On the one hand, this action from the American capitalist pig-dogs should obviously be condemned by all as a violation of their rights, and anyone who doesn't show their support for the glorious leader is an elitist bourgeois imperialist sympathiser -

But on the other hand, anyone with knowledge of the internet, who claims to have been affected by the outage, or knowledge of what this attack actually signifies would also essentially be an elitist bourgeois imperialist sympathiser.

Forget starvation, it's dilemmas like these that make life in North Korea so difficult.

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Drunk driving: No more dangerous than talking on handsfree mobe

Esskay
Facepalm

Re: Tabloid hyperbole FAIL

yeah, serves me right for El Reg'ing after half a bottle of red.

Carry on

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Esskay
Facepalm

Re: Tested a drivers skill...

Another issue here is how do you define drink driving? One beer? One standard drink? Over the legal limit? Incapable of speech? Did they adjust for body weight? fat content? gender? "drink driving" is such a broad term, and the effects of alcohol so diverse, that it simply isn't possible to say that it's "the equivalent" of such and such behaviour - it is what it is.

Whilst I understand the study's purpose is (possibly) to raise the point that we can't get too hung up on demonising one issue to the point that it's legislated into absurdity, making blanket claims does nothing to further the credibility of either the researchers or the study.

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Modder hacks SimCity for unlimited offline play

Esskay

Re: Just a reminder.

As a big city-builder fan, I purchased the game (tried to refund it, but it shipped before I changed my mind and I'm just going to live with it). I haven't had a chance to play it yet, but it seems a few of the early issues are getting sorted. Having said that, it's a massive fuckup from EA - I reckon a lot of other devs will be looking at this experience and thinking twice about an online-only model, and chances are it's one of the last EA games I'll buy (pretty sure the last one I bought was Sims 2, or something for $5 off steam).

I'd love nothing more than to see EA go down, but it's a shame they swallowed so many teams and well-loved franchises beforehand - becoming "EA-ified" is now one of my greatest fears for any franchise I enjoy. It's like watching a game contract alzheimers, and suddenly think everyone is a 5 year old who can be tricked and lied to.

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Boeing outlines fix for 787 batteries

Esskay
Joke

If only Lucas had this PR team

Then the electrics on my mini could be said to perform a "safety venting procedure" every time I triy to use the headlights and the wipers when it starts raining.

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Apple tears itself away from iThings to squash Mac OS X bugs

Esskay
Coat

APPLE DOES THING

Thing may take time for some people

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Report says #Facebook #to #adopt #hashtags

Esskay
Meh

In my house

shift+3 before a word usually results in a punch in the face. particularly when people use it in an entirely twitter-free context.

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