* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

436 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@ Fink-Nottle

No it sodding isn't, unless you get a kick from drinking piss

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And this kind of article and the resulting comments, dear friends

Is one of the reasons I love The Register.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Philistine

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: dear god what are we teaching the kids?

Hot tea in a heatproof glass! In the West Indies that is referred to as . . . . . .

Wait for it. . . . . . .

Pyrex of the Carribbean

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Warm the pot!

Cups or mugs do not make proper tea without enough deposit to warrant wire brushing.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ruibos

tastes like tea already drunk by someone.

At least twice.

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Windows 10 Pro Anniversary Update tweaked to stop you disabling app promos

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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it enables

"personalized recommendations from Microsoft and notifications about their Microsoft account."

Well Microsoft. How about if my profile includes a deep and profound revulsion at scumbag marketing of the lowest gutter order level?

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Cyberpunks might not be crooks but they're really very rude

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Re: El Eg

Which came first; El chicken or El Egg

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8K video gives virtual reality the full picture for mainstream use

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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We have the platform - great

Now all we need is content worth watching

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Microsoft offers admins free Win 10 upgrade lube

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Re: Feel the burn...

The precious. It burns us, it burns us.

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Yahoo! She said yes. Verizon confirms $4.8bn acquisition

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Re: @Marissa

Well, I didn't have a curry tonight so the small change thing is just academic now. I can do you a fresh 6" turd more or less any time you like, Marissa. Are we good - to - go?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: @Marissa

I see a downvoter! Do you think I have maybe offered too much?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@Marissa

When it all goes titsup, my offer for Yahoo! still stands: One steaming 6 inch turd*.

* Actually, you might have to wait a day or two. It rather depends on what I have had to eat the night before, unless you accept "loose change"

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Ad blockers responsible for rise in upfront TV ad sales, claims report

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I was thinking

more like bullshite

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@John Bailey

We ARE dealing with marketing execs here, remember; Collective IQ a little higher than pond life.

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Missile bods MBDA win Brit military laser cannon contract

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Marmite

That's all

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Tupperware vehemently denies any link to storage containerisation

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The Streisand effect

is alive and well and conveniently stored in a Tupperware* box near you.

* other storage containers are available

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Alleged Aussie plum plucker pleads guilty to motel tissue swipe

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Playmobil!

Or it didn't happen!

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IBM scraps loyal staffer gifts in favour of... a congratulatory social page

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Don't prat about.

Just gimme a bucket (large or [probably] small) of dosh.

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Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies

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Re: Regression to the really mean

the socialists would be OK only until they run out of other people's money

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Tesco Mobile does what? Hahahahahahaha. Sorry customers

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Re: It's time......

Too pricey and credit expires. Try 3

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This local council paid HOW MUCH for an SD card?!

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Re: @ Timbo

But still needs a bit of wire between the wireless receiver and amplifier thingy in the remote box and the speaker in that box.

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Re: When I were a lad...

Write on

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Swagger staggered as hacker drops dapper code execution cracker

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Leveraging?

Twat

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Apple pollutes data about you to protect your privacy. But it might not be enough

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Re: I'm mostly pessimistic

Thank the blabbermouths posting their minutiae doings on Faecebook and Twatter, Washup and the like

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@Dave 126

"Also, Google have not suffered any massive security breaches"

Yet

TFTFY

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Users fear yet another hack as TalkTalk services go down

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Re: Newsflash

No: ShiteShite

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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So. WankWank's site is down

"For maintenance"

Maybe someone went in with a remote session........................

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BOFH: Follow the paper trail

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Why wait for a work mandated course ?

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Lester Haines: RIP

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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No one is really dead whilst they are still being talked about

And we'll be talking about Mr Haines for a good while yet.

The power of Marmite to you!

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Fresh hell for TalkTalk customers: TeamView trap unleashed

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Re: My favorite

They don't have mothers.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Just noticed WankWank's site is down

"For maintenance"

Maybe someone went in with a remote session........................

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Do you have a 'co-working mindset' and 'ephemerally involve others' in work?

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Re: Ah yes

Its a near-perfect gag. Yes it is. All it needs is something funny at the end.

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Smartwatches: I hate to say ‘I told you so’. But I told you so.

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Re: There is *something* somewhere ...

@Pascal - In the same breath: "Wow" but tempered with "Looks like something wound by wanking"

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'Massive great big' vulture goes AWOL in Somerset

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Well

Who's a pretty boy then?

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Norway might insist on zero-emission vehicles by 2025

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What about the zero emissions power stations?

The ones that will be generating power to charge the cars or making hydrogen to fill them? Oh, wait a mo....

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Sources! say! Twitter's! after! you! Yahoo!

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Re: Sounds good

Bloody wonderful.

Sorry. What I should have said was : Bloody! Wonderful!

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Swedish old timer pulls airsoft gun on broadband salesman

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Re: MS get lost too !

Would you like a smack round the head? Look, see, the box is pre-ticked.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You wait till the 'Block AdBlock' retards get this

They'll be calling for people to be forced to open the door and listen to the sales blather and 'elevator pitch' gibberish.

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German boffins smash records with 37km wireless spurt at 6Gbps

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A parabolic transmitting antenna and a parabolic receiving antenna

Is that a piarabolics?

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Google to kill passwords on Android, replace 'em with 'trust scores'

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Re: Sooo...

Wot Not Bob said +several bajillion

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Inside Electric Mountain: Britain's biggest rechargeable battery

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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One more:

Morgan Cars factory tour (Malvern)

Did that one year and Mrs Marmite had the inspiration to treat me to a weekends away with hire of a Morgan, for a major birthday. Bless her.

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Lost containers tell no tales. Time to worry

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The Cloud

Isn't that where Cuckoo Land is?

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Google still faces legal spat with SEO biz that claimed it was wiped from web

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Let me get this straight

One company wants to skew search results one way

Another company wants to skew search results another way.

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Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Absolutely completely and totally bloody stupid

And utterly, utterly brilliant because of it.

Well done!

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Blocking ads? Smaller digital publishers are smacked the hardest

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Re: Useless Ads

No, no, no. You don't get it. Adverts have to be BIG and FLASHY and REALLY IRRITATING!!!!!

Making them minimal won't make you any money at all. Just look at how pathetically Google is doing.

Mind you, even Google is getting on my Marmite laden tits with its idiot idea of what I will find interesting (Hullo Google, my interests DON'T include stuff I just bought or stuff I just looked at but decided not to buy and it certainly doesn't include those idiot pseudo results which are ads you put at the start of my search results. They suck like hard vacuum)

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Well

Tough Shit

You want I stop using Adblock? Then you:

(1) Undertake never to use tracking in any way, no exception.

(2) Absolutely never have autoplay videos of any kind except when I press play on a video or when I click on a link for a video (and not a link for a story).

(3) Absolutely never have ads that cover part or all of a website.

(4) Absolutely never have that try to use my location. No "Shocking secret [city name] man discovers!"

(5) Absolutely never use Flash, Java, or Javascript. No exception.

(6) Confirm, preferably in writing that you accept sole responsibility for vetting any and all ads on your site. If an ad injects or attempts to inject malware you, the entity placing the ad and any ad company jointly and severally indemnify me from all costs in diagnosing and repairing, including but not limited to the restoration of any data that is lost and do so in writing.

(7) Never, ever, distribute either directly or indirectly (e;g;, as an "Optional extra" any kind of Browser helper or toolbar. These are defined by many as malware.

(8) Never, ever, show me ads for things I never buy nor companies I don't want to do business with.

(9) Never, ever, show me ads for things I already own. (Amazon!! WTF?)

(10) Never, ever, show me ads for things I will *never* own (take a guess, it will be 99.9999% of what you peddle).

(11) Confirm you will pay for any and all metered data charges the advertising content YOU have decided to push at me incurs. You pay for any metered data.

There. I think that about covers it

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Huge embarrassment over fisting site data breach

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Optional Title

Twinkle twinkle little rectum

Get your thrills when you least expect 'em

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What's Zuck planning with his Facebook bots? Maximum $ilo revenue

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Peak Bot

One can only wonder if there will be a time when Faecebook is populated solely be bots and people called Charlene.

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NASA saves Kepler space 'scope by turning it off and on again

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Re: Scotty would have fixed this much faster!

Cheese sandwich with exrea cheese? You unutterable bastard. Now I'm hungry

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