Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser
157 posts • joined Thursday 16th June 2011 11:23 GMT
Posted in Oz chap blows his own Google Glass
Re: Is it just me...
Certainly is the wrong command. Should be "Open Faecebook".
Alternatively "Enable Shitter".
Which makes me think about customising commands so other people won't override what you want by imitating you. Maybe
"Phasers to Stun" = power on
"Lookit the norks on that!" = take photo
""Windows 8" = Shutdown
You get the idea. Any more offerings?
Posted in Ten Windows 8 Ultrabooks
"The new Ford Fiesta is more economical, more spacious" etc.
Which is about as far as the analogy goes. The new Ford Fiesta comes with a round steering wheel, not a square one. The steering wheel is mounted in front of the driver, not attached to the parcel shelf. You do not have to prod the bottom left corner of the windshield to make the instruments appear and you don't have to go to Halfords for an accessory package to change everything back to how the old Fiesta was made
Any of these laptops would be a delight with an operating system UI that wasn't the result of an intellectually challenged marketing droids wet dream.
Re: No
@Dan Price Re: No @b166er: if occupancy = 0, I'd hope the ignition would be disallowed anyway!
Actually, remote start is available on some care - the VW Passat is a case in point: http://my.vw.com/2012-passat/security/keyless-access
Useful for getting the car warm before venturing into the cold oneself
I always thought
If you were of the opinion that content on a smart TV is useful, you are probably too stupid to use one anyway.
Posted in The ten SEXIEST computers of ALL TIME
Wot, no ISC 3621
Arguably the first (certainly ONE of the first) colour desktop computers.
http://www.dvq.com/ads/isc_3600.pdf
8088 based, with 16k (32k on the posh model) PROM, 32k RAM and 4k workspace
CP/M operating system and a BASIC interpreter.
8 colour display
Graphics plotting on a 128H x128Vgrid (I laugh at your 1080p scans!)
51k + 51k capacity 5 1/4" FDD
And a nasty propensity for one of the PSU capacitors to wee electrolyte across a 100V track that was routed between its pins. Always made a very satisfying KZZZRRRTT!
Had one of the nicest keyboard actions I have ever used.
OK, I have a laser printer
How do I set it to 'stun'
Re: and que the eletists that know it all....
Cue the French elitists to from a queue in front of the microphone, to say "Que?"
Amazon and Facebook OSs?
About as appealing as DIY testicular surgery with nothing more than a rusty hole punch and a soldering iron
Re: Lies, dam lies ...
Yes, someone El Reg commentard did suggest that if anyone thinks content on a smart TV is important, they are probably too stupid to use one.
Having seen the offerings, I do somewhat agree.
Well.......
Pass the salt!
Needs to be housewife proof
"Bring me the thingy! you know, the THINGY.
No, its the one on top of the other thingy by the box thing under the worktop., NO, THE THINGY!!!
Oh God, I'll get it myself.
Look, THIS is the DUSTER I wanted. Why don't you LISTEN!!!!"
Re: The ability-
Tickles
Windows Blue................
..................screen of death
How advertising is paid for.
You sai it., pal. If you think the TV licence is unfair, it is as nothing compared to commercial, ad funded TV. We ALL pay for this, EVEN IF WE DONT HAVE A TV!
If I recall correctly, the UK TV advertising revenue for a year, divided by the number of households is about £165 per household. Irrespective of TV ownership
I still dont get targetted advertising.
OK, I do a bit of scooting around on the interwebs, find the widget I want and order it. Why should I then be interedted in any more widgets? Hullo, I have one, I know where I bought it, I know who sold it to me and I know how to find them. Now just piss off.
The same goes for being bombarded with catalogues from some idiot who thinks that, because I bought a widget from their catalogue/site/whatever, I will have an urge to buy more of what he sells. Hullo: Piss off.
As for James Bond ditching martinis to drink near frozen gnats urine; good luck to him. He's just ditched another vestige of the style that created him and taken a step towards becoming a mere yob. Can you imagine the degree to which the characters image would have failed, had it been started in the very first place as a larger swilling pugilist?
incomplete penalty
Should have added their genitalia were to be ripped off and Tabasco sauce rubbed onto the bleeding stump.
Re: Trying to find Windows 7 laptops for consumers is hard work
So it's not just me then!
Re: Lies, damned lies and statistics
KEZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTT!
Bicentennial Man
Unassuming, almost to the point of being tame but, nevertheless, rather good.
We come in piss
PLUS:
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Re: I think it was something similar...
"Cell"?
Bloody "Mobile" - Puhlease!
From somewhere behind the sofa
Farewell!
Oh. Goody.
Does that mean I will see even more accurately targetted ads for stiff I was interested in last week and not what I will be interested in next week?
Re: operating system
Funny you should mention that. I went throughalmost exactly the same exercise for the same reasons and came to the same conclusion.
Windows 8 really does seem to be an unmitigated pile of crap
I'm also eternally grateful I'm not expected to use it at work.
Re: The Real Target.
Er...no. Why should I give a rats arse that someone who has bought a pair of shoes also bought some haemorrhoid cream?
Maybe they were a (very) tight fit.
Re: 'What's the point?'
Monday, 14:03pm: Just dumped a gobfull of tea over my keyboard and poptart
Re: The race is on!
You' be in competition with pharmaceutical companies:
Theres gold in them thar ills
Just a mo
"bleeding edge of desktop personal productivity software."
What's that got to do with MS Orifice?
Isn't this
Blown up out of all proportion?
Re: Biz model
You are not a customer. You are the commodity
Re: Perhaps a Full Vacuum is the best Hard Drive environment then? (Patent Pending)
By way of ullustration: If a HDD head was the size of a jumbo, it'd be "flying" at an altitude of ~50mm. On the same scale, a fingerprint is about the same height as a Mini. Or so I was told once, by a chap from the HDD industry.
That were then, when I were a lad. The clearances are probably tighter now. On the same scale, the icon is a head crash.
Re: Steam punk Lester?
He'll be chuffed to bits with that
Meh
Not any interest at all, until there's content worth watching. And the ablity to do so without utterly banal advertising.
This is just asking
to feature in a BOFH episode
I still dont get why Google is dumping iGoogle
That was probably the bit of Google I used most.
Found uStart, which seems quite good. Theres now no reason to keep gmail, other than as a legacy in box for people I dont hear from much.
Posted in Apple debuts detailed failure gauge page
I wonder why I read the start of the last paragraph and thought of the word iCon.
And finally WETPATCH
Wireless
Electronic
Telemetry
Pyrotechnic
Automatic
Test and
Control
Hub
LOHAN has NIPPLES
Navigation and
Interlock for
Premature
Pyrotechnic
Launch
Elimination
System
PORNSTAR
Portable
Orbit
Radio
Navigation and
Safety
Trigger
Altitude
Release
Sod that
Anyone for a beer?
5 Tons of black and white paint, eigh?
That, sir, is one HELL of a Banksie
I'm not done yet
Biggles Fries Again
Chips away!
That's all
Toodeloo
^^^^^ Wot he said
x several million
Bulging battery, speakers not working, won't connect to computer
I knew a girl like that once
Posted in El Reg VULTURE logo FOUND ON MARS
Playmobil! Paris! Pisstakes!
Made my Friday.
Now: BRING ON THE BOFH!!!!!!
They said:
It's an "experiment to see if users will be prepared to pay for individual web pages if the buying process is sufficiently easy"
You wanna find out what I think? 15p please.
Can we please have the views of a few advertisers?
Oh, go on.
I dare you
Bread
Wholemill, home made, still warm.
