* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

294 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Hey, Microsoft, we can call Windows 10 apps anything we like – you're NOT OUR REAL MOM

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

What do you call it when a marketing drone is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Kickstarter project?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Proper punishment

They don't have 'em

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'If someone in Australia says lick my toad, it's not a euphemism'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Marmite?

Forget the toad. Lick my Marmite!

That could be a ephemism. It just depends on your stance about being 20 something, gorgeous and with a penchant for filthy old men.

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Top smut site Flashes visitors, leaves behind nasty virus

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

Never claimed it was incorrect or in appropriate. Just pretentious.

Do keep up.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

Being in the dictionary doesn't make it sound any less pretentious.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

"leveraging"? Don't you mean "using"

I won't say "pretentious twat"

But I'll think it bloody loudly

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BOT AN ABOMINATION: Mechanical DRONE VAMPIRE spreads wings

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Meh...

Details, schmetails

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Meh...

AND a frikkin' LASER!

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SECRETS of the LOST SCROLLS unlocked by key to HEALTHY BOOBS

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Obligatory Frankie Howerd reference

"SECRETS of the LOST SCROLLS unlocked by BREAST SCAN tech" - Titter ye not!

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Microsoft flings Office apps for Android slabs at world+dog

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"a screen size between 7 and 10.1 inches "

Only because of the bloody ribbon toolbar!

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Alien Earths are out there: Our home is not 'unique'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: The final step

Lunatic idea

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Boffins spy I in your little eye

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: CSI?

Yeah, just yell "Enhance!" at it

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Marriott: The TRUTH about personal Wi-Fi hotel jam bid

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ah, America. Land of the free

And home of the vested interest.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Dear Marriot

What? Like Google?

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Zuckerberg asks the public to tell him where to go in 2015

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Hate him.

What the hell have Syria or the Ukraine done to you for you to suggest that?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

I was going to say "Shove his head up his arse and sneeze"

But I''ll have to say "bottom" instead.

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NASA preps lobotomy for Opportunity rover to cure amnesia

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Necessary XKCD Reference

If I recall correctly, I believe that was Way Station, a 1963 science fiction novel by Clifford D. Simak, originally published as Here Gather the Stars

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Microsoft says to expect AWESOME things of Windows 10 in January

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

I'd just be happy with not user hostile

And the ability to turn off stupid animations

No dumb kindergarten crayon level "friendly" graphics

And NO FUCKING METRO TILES

I could live without changing the default Explorer directory - I assume .lnk is still possible

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The fantastical Francesinha

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Bib?

SNORKEL!

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UK flights CRIPPLED by system outage that shut ALL London airspace

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

At least some stuff seems to be arriving/leadving Luton:

http://www.london-luton.co.uk/en/flights/

Interestingly NATS says:

NATS can confirm that a technical problem has been reported at Swanwick air traffic control centre.

UK airspace has not been closed, but airspace capacity has been restricted in order to manage the situation. We apologise for any delays and our incident response team has been mobilised.

Every possible action is being taken to assist in resolving the situation and to confirm the details.

Further information will be released as it becomes available.

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Sacre block! French publishers to sue Adblock maker – report

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: There are other ways

Yes. post it back. And, as a small token of the esteem in which you hold the sender, enclose some little keepsake. Like a rusty cylinder head. Or the veg peelings.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: How much value to users put on web sites

@ solo. No, it's not "just the snooping habits" that I object to. A large chunk of my ire is directed at the balal ads, the intrusive and downright rude animated ads (no better than little johnny leaping up and down, yelling, to get noticed and, sadly even served up on El Reg, for shame. ). Its the mindless crap from Amazon (you bought a widget. Here's a targetted ad for another one). Its the lying gits saying things like "you have a new message". Its the special offers that are anything but. Its the popup/over/under ads. Its the relentless celebrity drivel inspired ads.

Attention French Ad pushers (and anyone else embarking on an ad campaign). You don't like people's reaction to the crass, the dumb, the stupid and the rude? Stop doing it. It seems to escape some people's realisation that, if you serve up shit, you get treated like you serve shit. Grow up and start acting like you care instead of going for the lowest common demominator. Simples.

All that is aside from the obvious security weakness of a compromised ad server as has, I understand, been recently slightly in the news.

I do, however, agree with your point that "if ad blockers are adapting "Pay for Play", they are breaching our trust and open source ethics". Quite. With control of what AdBlock allows passing out of our hands, it is in danger of becoming itself just as guilty.

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How HAPPY am I on a scale of 1 to 10? Where do I click PISSED OFF?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Surveys are another form of consultation.

Which I 'll happily provide at consultancy rates. £100 gets answers for up to ten questions. Take it or leave it.

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Feast your eyes: 10 'fortysomething' smart TVs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Tempting but...

.... You'll have to do a whole lot better, AND the content would have to be inifnitely better than currently available, for me to actually lay down money for a smart tele and switch from my current TAS** TV

**Thick As Shit

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Could YOU identify these 10 cool vintage mobile phones?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

No one mentioned Palm Treo 600/650/680

Lovely phones. Crap cameras though and the 600 was RAM based, not flash so it would forget if the battery went flat.

My old 650 even survived a sojourn into the bilge of a canal boat. Retrieved it, whipped the battery out, washed off the oily water, dumped it into a cupboard in the engineroom in a food container with some rice and left it there for a week. Still worked OK years down the line.

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E-cigarettes fingered as source of NASTY VIRUS

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Shouldn't there be

some kind of filter?

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Social media data is RIDDLED with human behaviour errors, boffins warn

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Faecebook results exclude people who dont give a shit about Faecebook

Similarly Twatter, Lunkheadin, Gullible+ etcetera.

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BOFH: Everyone deserves a little DOWNTIME

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Did anyone notice the small surge of acceleration

As the world shifted ever so slightly on its axis to once again point, with unerring accuracy, at BOFH on a Friday.

There is a God after all.

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Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Car Hacking

Do you "Cacking"

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Bond villains lament as Wicked Lasers withdraw death ray

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

You could also try one of these:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/STV-STV414-Jet-Spray-Repeller/dp/B003TLA4FS

Son-in-law deployed one a while ago and has had much enjoyment hearing, every so often, members of the local feline population climbing, at full speed, the six foot fence out of his garden.

Personally I had immense satisfaction form one local moggie that was climbing up a trellis at the end of the garden, intent on a bird box. Being upstairs and not having anything handy to throw at it limited my options. All I could do was open the window and hiss as loudly as possible (something about the sonics they don't like).

The effect on the Moggie was salutary. It did a full all-4-paws-off start, fell down from the trellis and into the flower bed, where it then made a bolt through the foliage to the only bit of daylight it could see. Unfortunately it was so preoccupied with getting traction it completely overlooked the fact that the gap led straight into the pond.

You know, its amazing how much skinnier a cat looks when it's had a good dunking.

It seemed to loose a lot of enthusiasm for our garden for quite a while after that.

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All ABOARD! Furious Facebook bus drivers join Teamsters union

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

This

driving Facebookers to work before clocking off for a six-hour unpaid break.

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Robot deputy blasts possibly explosive Mexican beans with CANNON in 'controlled explosion'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

'controlled explosion' my arse!

Lets see how 'controlled' it is. Try stopping one half way through.

You don't get a 'BA' without a 'NG'

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DODGY THRUSTER won't stop PHILAE hurtling toward COMET SHOWDOWN

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ohhhhhh!

The anttiiiiiccccciiiiiiiiiippppppaaaaaaatttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: The thruster

Don't keep harpoon on about it until we know for sure

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FIRST for HUMANITY: Fridge-size PROBOT headed for COMET TOUCHDOWN

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "an area the size of Wales is deforested every year."

Nah. Nuke Wales and have done with it

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This 125mph train is fitted with LASERS. Sadly no sharks, though

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Measurement Train

sounds like they're chuffed to bits

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ICO to fine UNBIDDEN MARKETEERS who cause 'ANXIETY'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: You forgot

And did I say how soon the said items would be needed? No, sirrah, I did not!

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

You forgot

The roll of carpet and the quicklime

But I'll forgive you.

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BAE points electromagnetic projectile at US Army

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: How are they going to fit it to his bicycle?

Screw your bicycle. What about the Frikkin' SHARKS?

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'Hmm, why CAN'T I run a water pipe through that rack of media servers?'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: I'm currently using a condom for cooling!

Pastic or Rubber Integrated Cooling Kit

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Marmite

Hear, hear

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It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

translation

"caused by complications with planned network maintenance"

Watch out for my coffee cup.

Oops

What the fsck did you put it there for in the first place?

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Ancient Brits 'set wealthy man's FANCY CHARIOT on FIRE' – boffins

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Shouldn't Worry

lovely - I WANT ONE

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Virgin Media DOUBLE-PUNCHED by BSkyB AND BT over ad fibs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

That's pretty rich from BT

BT to Vermin Media

"Hullo? Pot here. Kettle; you''re black"

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Windows 10 feedback: 'Microsoft, please do a deal with Google to use its browser'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: It would actually be a smart business move for Ms

No, no, no. They'd just turn it into another thermonuclear clusterfuck of fail

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AT&T to fork out less than two days' profit in bogus bill charge flap

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Fines

Should be levied as a % of turnover

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Anti-Facebook Ello: Here's why we're still in beta. SPAMGASM!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Killer feature

The Fuck off and Die button

I'd sign up just to use that.

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Windows 10: One for the suits, right Microsoft? Or so one THOUGHT

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Tiles should replace icons fully - everywhere.

Not quite. Microsoft could offer the facility of tiles as a free download, which would let people opt for it on its own merit, rather than having the edifice shoved down their throats.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Tiles should replace icons fully - everywhere.

Great, only my tablet wont be running Windows.

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