* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

399 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Page:

Swedish old timer pulls airsoft gun on broadband salesman

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: MS get lost too !

Would you like a smack round the head? Look, see, the box is pre-ticked.

11
0
Inventor of the Marmite Laser

You wait till the 'Block AdBlock' retards get this

They'll be calling for people to be forced to open the door and listen to the sales blather and 'elevator pitch' gibberish.

7
1

German boffins smash records with 37km wireless spurt at 6Gbps

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

A parabolic transmitting antenna and a parabolic receiving antenna

Is that a piarabolics?

2
0

Google to kill passwords on Android, replace 'em with 'trust scores'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Sooo...

Wot Not Bob said +several bajillion

1
0

Inside Electric Mountain: Britain's biggest rechargeable battery

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

One more:

Morgan Cars factory tour (Malvern)

Did that one year and Mrs Marmite had the inspiration to treat me to a weekends away with hire of a Morgan, for a major birthday. Bless her.

1
0

Lost containers tell no tales. Time to worry

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

The Cloud

Isn't that where Cuckoo Land is?

3
0

Google still faces legal spat with SEO biz that claimed it was wiped from web

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Let me get this straight

One company wants to skew search results one way

Another company wants to skew search results another way.

0
0

Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Absolutely completely and totally bloody stupid

And utterly, utterly brilliant because of it.

Well done!

1
0

Blocking ads? Smaller digital publishers are smacked the hardest

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Useless Ads

No, no, no. You don't get it. Adverts have to be BIG and FLASHY and REALLY IRRITATING!!!!!

Making them minimal won't make you any money at all. Just look at how pathetically Google is doing.

Mind you, even Google is getting on my Marmite laden tits with its idiot idea of what I will find interesting (Hullo Google, my interests DON'T include stuff I just bought or stuff I just looked at but decided not to buy and it certainly doesn't include those idiot pseudo results which are ads you put at the start of my search results. They suck like hard vacuum)

1
0
Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Well

Tough Shit

You want I stop using Adblock? Then you:

(1) Undertake never to use tracking in any way, no exception.

(2) Absolutely never have autoplay videos of any kind except when I press play on a video or when I click on a link for a video (and not a link for a story).

(3) Absolutely never have ads that cover part or all of a website.

(4) Absolutely never have that try to use my location. No "Shocking secret [city name] man discovers!"

(5) Absolutely never use Flash, Java, or Javascript. No exception.

(6) Confirm, preferably in writing that you accept sole responsibility for vetting any and all ads on your site. If an ad injects or attempts to inject malware you, the entity placing the ad and any ad company jointly and severally indemnify me from all costs in diagnosing and repairing, including but not limited to the restoration of any data that is lost and do so in writing.

(7) Never, ever, distribute either directly or indirectly (e;g;, as an "Optional extra" any kind of Browser helper or toolbar. These are defined by many as malware.

(8) Never, ever, show me ads for things I never buy nor companies I don't want to do business with.

(9) Never, ever, show me ads for things I already own. (Amazon!! WTF?)

(10) Never, ever, show me ads for things I will *never* own (take a guess, it will be 99.9999% of what you peddle).

(11) Confirm you will pay for any and all metered data charges the advertising content YOU have decided to push at me incurs. You pay for any metered data.

There. I think that about covers it

11
2

Huge embarrassment over fisting site data breach

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Optional Title

Twinkle twinkle little rectum

Get your thrills when you least expect 'em

0
0

What's Zuck planning with his Facebook bots? Maximum $ilo revenue

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Peak Bot

One can only wonder if there will be a time when Faecebook is populated solely be bots and people called Charlene.

2
0

NASA saves Kepler space 'scope by turning it off and on again

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Scotty would have fixed this much faster!

Cheese sandwich with exrea cheese? You unutterable bastard. Now I'm hungry

2
0

Comcast stabs set-top boxes in the back, pipes directly into smart TVs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "By leveraging the open HTML5 standard"

How about I leverage the rough end of a pineapple on your rectal extremities? :-)

2
0

BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Surprising how much thermal mass there is in the cool head of a hammer

Love it.

NB: A hammer is a perfectly acceptable tool for reprogramming. I have never encountered any device which, once reprogrammed with a hammer, arbitrarily changed it functionality any further.

14
0

'Impossible' EmDrive flying saucer thruster may herald new theory of inertia

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: (zealouts also said)

7) 640k ought to be enough for anybody

4
1

Big Cable threatens to sue FCC: You can't stop us ripping off customers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Here we go with good old Vested Interests again

And if not actually vested, at least in possession of a nice cardigan or two

3
0

BOFH: If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Surely shome mishtake

Just follow the smoke

2
0
Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Tracking

Yes, normally they couldn't give a shit

7
0

Ad slinger Phorm ceases trading

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
Pint

Re: Yes!

Upvoted just for "!coockwombles"

2
0

Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Pastafarianism is under attack!

That's all right until your alphabetti spaghetti spells "Disaster"

3
0

Picture this: An exabyte of cat pix in the space of a sugar cube of DNA

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: re: No word on actual data transfer rates.

Sweet!

2
0

Pothole campaigner sprays Surrey street with phallic paintings

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Spur the council...

Proof - The penis; mightier than the sword

Should give the council the willies

18
0

Apps that 'listen in' to your mobile get slapped by US watchdog

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ah yes. Targetted advertising

Trying to sell you more of what you have just bought (Amazon I am especially looking at you, you morons but Google is just as stupid). Stalking you round the web offering more of what you just looked at but don't actualy want (Google, Amazon et al). Telling me what other people have bought (as if I care). Telling me what is "Trending" (ditto). Making special offers that aren't actually special for stuff that is otherwise unsaleable tat.

Yeah. really advanced, that.

Just a good indicator of which businesses and products to avoid like tha plague.

17
1

Hackers demo prototype security scanner that thinks like a human

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"security scanner that thinks like a human"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Doughnuts

2
0

Plucky cable billionaires defeat menace of small-town broadband

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Confused

The answer comes in brown envelopes

5
0

NIST set to shake up temperature with quantum thermometer

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
Coat

This is going to be

A hot topic

2
0

Swedish publishers plan summer ‘Block Party’ to thwart ad blockers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Dear Swedish publishers

Just undertake to publish only ads that are not intrusive, do not involve tracking, do not try to sell peopole what they have already bought, are not animated, do not involve Flash, do not involve Java, do not pop up, pop over or pop under, are not misleading, do not cover huge swathes of the page, do not include any autoplay video and which have your abolute guarantee not to be tainted with malware. Cover my extra data cost that your noxious content requires to put itself on my machine. Then and only then will I quit using AdBlock.

Guys (OK, and girls): It is YOU, and only YOU, who got yourselves into this shithole. You are just reaping the fruits of that which YOU have sown.

Just quit whining and sort your act out.

7
0

$17 smartwatch sends something to random Chinese IP address

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: I think I'll buy one

@ JeffyPoooh

Dickhead (See what I did there?)

0
0

This article has been deleted

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

So has this comment

So there. I can play silly buggers too!

1
0

BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "So you'd maim a security guard just to prove a point?"

Security guards ALWAYS need maiming, sooner or later. It's just easier to do it at a time convenient for you.

10
0

Black Monday: Office 365 down and out in Europe

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

The Cloud

Isn't that where Cuckoo Land is?

20
0

Yahoo! is! up! for! sale! – so! how! much! will! you! bid!?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: New reg unit

Don't be silly. Even a penny stock would convert to something like five billion Yahoo (YH)

0
0
Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Architecturizing strategic alternatives for maximizing value

I thought that's what they did (Obligatory exclamation marks stacked here !!!!!!)

0
0

TalkTalk confesses: Scammers have data about our engineers' visits to your home

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Yes but...

In TalkTalk's case, not having a call centre at all may improve the service enormously.

Integrity? I doubt Dido has even heard of it.

22
0

13 CubeSats to ride mighty US lifter

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

70 tons lift?

Go on, lets have a tank in space

4
0
Inventor of the Marmite Laser

It IS steam

Stand (a long way) downwind and you'll get rained on

3
0

Facebook Messenger: All your numbers are belong to us

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Never forget

krill

FTFTFY

4
0

Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Funnily enough

According to the IAB's rather garish website, there are "Still a few seats left" so it looks like AdBlock can go ahead and rebook - unless IAB's stance is no more than a fit of pique.

http://www.iab.com/

And the site seens to work with AdBlock set. I rather hope that may change.

1
0

El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

What?

No nuclear category?

3
0

Discworld fans stake claim to element 117

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Hear hear.

This post contains letters. Deal with it.

0
0

At least 10 major loyalty card schemes compromised in industry-wide scam

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Subway

etc. As in Et Cetera. Literally: "and the rest"

3
2

Electrician cuts wrong wire and downs 25,000 square foot data centre

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: opps

The correct term being "Clusterfuck"

0
0

LHC records biggest bang ever with 1 Peta-electron-volt jolt

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Very dense and very hot?

I knew a girl like that once

1
0

Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

What Electric Ireland need

Is a good stiff talking to

10
0

Yahoo! Mail! is! still! a! thing!, tries! blocking! Adblock! users!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Yahoo!

You! Are! A! Joke!

And! Its! One! Thats! Not! Funny

3
2

Volkswagen: 800,000 of our cars may have cheated in CO2 tests

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Hint - time to blame cheap offshore programmers?

"German Beer" - Do you perchance mean Lager or Near Frozen Gnats Urine as it should rightly be called - certainly not beer

1
9

KeePass looter: Password plunderer rinses pwned sysadmins

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

KeeFarce works by leveraging DLL injection

KeeFarce works by using DLL injection

TFIFY

16
0

Boffins solve bacon crisis with newly-patented plant

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Facon

That's all

0
0

We suck? No, James Dyson. It is you who suck – Bosch and Siemens

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Bah!

Coffee moment

0
0

Page:

Forums