* Posts by ukgnome

1433 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Baby's got the bends: LG's D958 G Flex Android smartie

ukgnome
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How can we make people part with their cash? I know make it curvy......it didn't work in the 50's and it wont work now.

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Japanese quantum boffins 'may have the key to TELEPORTATION'

ukgnome
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Pint

I have read the dumbed down version and the super dumbed down version as well as the version that has been aimed at the totally clever but have no friends people....

And I still only have a very very basic understanding of the concept.

*****I probably need to add ------------------------------>

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

ukgnome
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Trollface

Is it still Trolling

If you mean every single word of it?

***Yes, I am trolling ------->

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

ukgnome
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Re: fish museum - @Captain Hogwash

That would be the National Fishing Heritage Centre in Grimsby

My job there was in the futuristic exhibition loosely based around fish called "the posiedon experiment", it involved artefacts having their memory read by the organic super computer known as the organism. It culminated in a motion cinema experience which explored the memory of a long dead fisherman.

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ukgnome
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Whilst I want Bletchley to keep going

I do understand the cost to keep it open, even with volunteers......But this is wrong, I actually used to work as an actor in a fish museum (year I know right) but the thing that amazed me about that role was summed up in this article, and seemingly I think it applies to any niche historical museum.

"namely a British quirkiness arising from an extensive range of exhibits manned by volunteers who knew their stuff and were happy to share it."

This was the case when I visited Bletchley the first time, I had an hour long conversation about valves and how they work. The chap also gave me an up close tour of the machine room because I had an enthusiasm that he liked. What actor would do that?

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Android VPN redirect vuln now spotted lurking in Kitkat 4.4

ukgnome
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Have a Break.......

have a chip cracked

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

ukgnome
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Joke

Lexmark have one of these on the market for £250 with enough ink to print a keyring.

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UK.gov to Google: Kill impostor taxmen ADs hogging top spot in YOUR search results

ukgnome
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Re: Bing

They should, as it returns relevant searches without the con sites

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Apple’s Mac turns 30: How Steve Jobs’ baby took its first steps

ukgnome
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Trollface

Doesn't the OS look just like windows?

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Alcatel-Lucent and BT unveil super fat pipe, splurt out 1.4Tb per second across London

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: 410km? WTF?

It says the cable length is 410km

This is typical of BT, they followed an as the buzby flies method of cable deployment.

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

ukgnome
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Excuse me

You cant trademark a word that has been around for donkeys years.

What will I ask for when I buy by cough candy?

Who was the bertie bassetesque robot in Dr Who, The happiness patrol?

And, won't this confuse people that want to buy a large load washing machine?

Actually the last one is quite a valid point (not that the other two are not), but Candy appliances are already prevalent throughout Europe.

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Brit boffin tests LETTUCE as wire for future computers

ukgnome
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Coat

This needs investment

How long until we can eat the computer to prevent the feds from getting our data?

*the one with the light dressing in the pocket

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

ukgnome
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I was just chatting to Mrs Gnome about this the other week, as I could see this happening.

Her reply was essentially - I have just vomited in my mouth.

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Hadron Collider urinal cake tale wins El Reg's LHC book giveaway

ukgnome
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A begrudging congratulations from Collider Man

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Your squirty insecticides make bumblebees SHRINK, warn boffins

ukgnome
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Re: OY You lot, over here.

It will attract my comment...

Frankly without the bees we might as well take ourselves out into the pastures and blow our bloody brains out. It's time to give these happy insects a helping hand.

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SPAM supposedly spotted leaving the fridge

ukgnome
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Terminator

This is the first step to awareness...

I for one welcome our .....Mobile Snack Providers

*yeah I know....the bad kind of spam rather than the worst kind.

**Hmm can the fridge and the friar double team for retro treats?

***How come this never happened to the Autobots?

****And can this be used for a smegging viral campaign for red dwarf? Or is that just talking toasters?

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My name is Dabbsy and I am an EMAILOHOLIC

ukgnome
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Hi Dabbsy ...

My name is Gnomey...I am also an emailcoholic...

Although within the last few years I have had my wife rationalise my Email accounts, she was very good at explaining that I didn't actually need a mail server...and she also pointed out that whilst my hugh.janus email address is amusing it's not professional.

So now I make do with the 3 client email addresses, the 2 company email addresses and admin on 2 shared email accounts, as well as the 4 personal email addresses.

11 isn't that bad is it?

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NSA: It's TRUE, we grab 200 MILLION of your text messages A DAY globally

ukgnome
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Oh Heck

The NSA now knows that I need a pint of milk and that my mortgage application has been processed. I hope that can't see MMS, if they can then they will know about the 60 year old on the train that had a swish pair of Beats!.

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Someone stole your phone? Now they'll have your STARBUCKS password – the horror!

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

The company is also asking users to directly report any believed or suspected account theft...

Dear Starbucks - your coffee is over priced, you are stealing hard earned $£

Theft Reported!

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Facebook gets a 'trending topics' box (just what its cluttered pages need)

ukgnome
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I guess trending is a trend

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Clink! Terrorist jailed for refusing to tell police his encryption password

ukgnome
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Trollface

That's why my passwords are 123ABC!"£

No one will ever crack them!

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Microsoft confirms: Staff inboxes hijacked amid 'Syrian army' cyber-blitz

ukgnome
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Joke

Phishing?.....I heard that....

Someone phoned from windows claiming that the computers had a virus....

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Pint-glass-flashing FISHNAPPERS strike at Firefox daddy Mozilla

ukgnome
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Coat

Hmm sounds a bit fish flakey

Something definitely fishy.

I mean cod you believe it?

The fishnappers were probably well meaning angels, or perhaps a clown.

Of course this could be a load of pollock. Or haddock you thought of that?

*the one with the Grimsby Evening Telegraph in the pocket

**we only sing when we're fishing

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DOOMSDAY still just MINUTES AWAY: As it has been since 1947

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: So the problem is

I guess some scientists want us to move back into caves.

You do know that we have never actually lived in caves don't you?

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Apple coughs up 7 hours of profit to refund kids' $32.5m app spend spree

ukgnome
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In app payments, micro payments or whatever - it still equates to evil intent by the developers.

Whilst it would be nice for a second form of authentication I don't see either Google or Apple as been at blame.

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Plastic iPhone 5Cs? Nah, we'll flog India our OLD iPhone 4 models - report

ukgnome
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Trollface

"not-so-budget budget phone" 5C

Well nothing about the phone specs suggests it should be a budget phone.

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Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

ukgnome
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Why am I laughing

It's hard not too!

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Foot-loving cat burglar nicks THREE THOUSAND individual socks

ukgnome
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Re: Thank god

I swear its not all gnomes.

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Chinese Moon rover, lander duo wake up after two-week snooze

ukgnome
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Re: @ Dalek Dave

Well I have never actually seen people in America as I have never been there. Sure I've seen pictures and video, but they can all be faked right. In fact the more I think about it the more I am convinced that the UK is the only country and that everywhere else is just a figment of my imagination coupled with the UK propaganda machine.

Oh Fudge, I guess I am responsible for the French.....My Bad!

Now troll off!

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THOUSANDS of UK.gov Win XP PCs to face April hacker storm... including boxes at TAXMAN, NHS

ukgnome
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@Neil Alexander

"Because IT departments are lazy and rely too much on the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" mantra"

I don't think that's true, it's more often the case that the clients think they know better. Or as is happening in my organisation, a complete lack of upgrading key systems because the cost is quite staggering. It's cheaper to pay for a few more desktop technicians who can hold the hands of users as they reboot their PC.

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Samsung Nexus S beats Galaxy S III – at detecting GAMMA RAYS

ukgnome
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I will find this very useful when I try to find the best radioactive source.

Soon my quest for super powers will be complete.

What's that? Samsung are the best detectors!!!!

Hard Pass on that one!

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Use strong passwords and install antivirus, mmkay? UK.gov pushes awareness campaign

ukgnome
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I don't mind education on this

I just hope the government heed their own advice. Although I doubt it.

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Blasphemy! Finns trample over Windows Phone home screen

ukgnome
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Re: Sorta looks like....

I never knew that WHSmith made operating systems, mobile or otherwise.

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Don't panic! Japan to send nuke fuel rod into MELTDOWN in Fukushima probe

ukgnome
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I hadn't thought of that - I should really withdraw my comment

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ukgnome
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Mushroom

As a smug Brit living on the east coast of the UK can I just say....

Please stop, I plan to visit California this year, and I don't want to be all glowy or dead because of it.

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Didn't get a Nook for Xmas? That's OK, hardly anyone else did, either

ukgnome
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That it's time to buy a Zune????

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

ukgnome
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WTF?

Things I have learned so far today,

when you disarm a lady that has just produced a gun from her miffy the ideal place to stash the gun is a toilet.

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Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

ukgnome
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Why oh why oh why

Don't the government put out a survey asking us lot, the great IT crowd about what is and what isn't a great idea for a .Gov IT project.

Everyone from drone to sys admin can get involved to tell these barmy bureaucrats just what the pitfalls will be. I would happily give 30 mins to a survey if it saved the image of IT workers.

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EE and Voda subscribers to get 2G and 3G INSIDE the Channel Tunnel

ukgnome
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Re: How about on UK train lines?!

Well all the main stations that I use now have 4G access ahead of the official date of 4G in that area. Although the pretty bits in-between don't. Not that I am expecting them to get 4G soon either, mainly because it's only sheep and pigs that live in the pretty bits.

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Spock-style gadget can SMELL my PEE! Weird gizmos of CES 2014

ukgnome
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Dammit

Now I need a 3D cake printer too!

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T-Mobile US: AT&T's mobe buyout deal is so 'desperate', we'll do it too

ukgnome
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Re: Competition

You have hit the nail on the head. I have a friend and they have a verizon deal, as it was the best deal. My friend and partner both have an iphone 5 deal with a government discount. One is an all you can eat data, whislt the other one is a capped 1GB data. They pay a total cost of $160 monthly.

Like WTF

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Boffins claim battery BREAKTHROUGH – with rhubarb-like molecule

ukgnome
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Joke

This doesn't surprise me

I always put currants in my crumble

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App to manage Android app permissions

ukgnome
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And now the walled garden looks quite appealing

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Apple: C'mon, flick on iBeacon. Let us track you. You'll get BADGES

ukgnome
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Trollface

Well at least the Fandroids are used to the tracking.

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Antarctic ice shelf melt 'lowest EVER recorded, global warming is NOT eroding it'

ukgnome
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Lewis isn't evil

Well, he might be, I don't know the chap.

However, for every person that is sceptical about climate change there is a scientist that believes that the change is due to humans.

Now, I'm not a sceptic by any means, and I do believe that we haven't helped the climates situation. But if we have the sceptics and the scientists doesn't that make for a more varied and interesting future for technology?

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Pinterest who? EU rules social network CAN'T trademark its own name

ukgnome
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Trollface

I simply have no Pinterest in this

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Snapchat: In 'theory' you could hack... Oh CRAP is that 4.6 MILLION users' details?

ukgnome
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Does this mean...

That I will start receiving random selfies

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Gift-giving gotchas: How to avoid Xmas morning EMBARRASSMENT

ukgnome
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Top Marks for advice

For delivery, I always use FedEx - if you have to pay a fee they let you know after delivery.

No need for you not too receive your goods just because Jonny Customs wants to tax the joy out of yoy

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Feuding fanbois in a flap over piracy haven in new iOS 7 jailbreak tool

ukgnome
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@ Dan 55

That is not jailbreaking, that is allowing apps from outside Play

there is a whole host of additional features that jailbreaking a phone can give you access to.

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Vodafone dodges UK corporation tax bill - AGAIN

ukgnome
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Is this the same company that bought Cable and Wireless?

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