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* Posts by ukgnome

1278 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

'Bogus IT guys' slurp £1.3m from Barclays: Cybercops cuff 8 blokes

ukgnome
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What I find hard to believe is that the USB ports were open. At the insurance firm that I provide IT support for this scam to harvest data wouldn't work. It's more locked down that a prison.

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Our sensational rocket ship Vulture 2 REVEALED: LIVE at 3pm

ukgnome
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Dammit stupid firewall - stupid corporate firewall

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WHY do phone cams turn me into a clumsy twat with dexterity of an elephant?

ukgnome
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Oh Dabbsy, I can call you Dabbsy can't I? Actually I don't care.

You are putting your head into the apple tree again aren't you. But lets remember, it's not just Apple that sucks at pictures, it's android too.

Just, it doesn't seem to be win-okia, they take lovely pictures. OK OK I'm trolling - I guess a phone with a camera is still a phone, and a camera with a phone is a camera. If you want to take pictures, then maybe get a camera.

Incidentally I like your photo's, but only because they are slightly worse that mine.

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Fanbois shun 'crappy plastic' iPhone 5C

ukgnome
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The 5c is still a great phone

It's just fugly and too expensive.

But if I had the cash I would buy a green one.

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First look: Apple iPhone 5S and 5C

ukgnome
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OK - here is my tuppence worth

I am beginning to like apple products....I know, I'm a total fandroid so this comes as a shock.

However, I don't want to spend that much money. Even the 4s has held onto a commanding price. With Android you still get the full user experience on a cheap phone.

If Apple didn't hold it's price so well then it's a no brainer. I'd have one in a heartbeat. What's that I hear you say? Get a second user unit. Or you're a clever bod, get a broken one and mend it.

Even second hand units go for more than they should, as do broken ones thanks to the way insurance fraud works.

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Live now: LOHAN igniter test flight

ukgnome
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Is it wrong

That watching the live feed I have the Milky War theme of red car and the blue car had a race driving through my head?

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ukgnome
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Excellent

The sites are not blocked behind this corporate firewall.

Hmm, can I legitimise the websites with the client.

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Google driver flees after Street View car crashes

ukgnome
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C'mon ElReg

We haven't had a playmobil reconstruction for a while.....

Reconstruction or it didn't happen!

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Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

ukgnome
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Devil

chavs, rappers and hoes

I can't help but agree with Dabbs

Now this may get downvotes, and I don't give one single fudge.

The iPhone used to be about style, design. It had a sexy chic all of its own. It helped reinvent the mobile phone. And whilst I am not a fanboi I do appreciate what they did. But enough of the same old shit painted different colours. I now buy phones that are not readily available in the UK, phones that look good and are quirky, phones that scream nerd. And apple simply do not scream nerd, they scream herd.

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TWO can play this 64-bit mobile game, says Samsung, crossly

ukgnome
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ARM

Whilst the ARM chips are great, I do wonder when the cheaper MediaTek chips that are prevalent in the Taiwan markets will rise.

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ZTE Open: This dirt-cheap smartphone is a swing and a miss

ukgnome
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Yeah, it's not great, but....

Are you looking for a phone that is Orange?

Do you want it to be sub £100

Would you like front and back camera, and an app store?

Then you need the Lenovo A660, sure it's Android ICS, and yes you might have to fiddle with putting on a modified ROM to get the experience that you like.

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Dyson takes Samsung to court in UK over vacuum cleaner

ukgnome
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Unscientific, I know

I have just showed my new desk buddy a picture of the Sammy, he said, oh I have one of those dysons. It's great how they follow you.

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Fancy a new iPhone 5C or 5S? READ THIS or you may not get 4G data

ukgnome
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Mushroom

Aaaggghhhhhh!!!!!

My mind has just gone PoP!

so I guess the question for all these variants is.....WILL THEY BLEND!

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BBC releases MYSTERY RIDDLE poster for Doctor Who anniversary episode

ukgnome
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Professor Brian Cox would be hosting a show with celebrity guests and members of the public on the science behind Doctor Who.

I predict he mentions the TOMTIT

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IBM offloads customer services biz for half a BEELLION DOLLARS

ukgnome
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Holmes

So then...

Just what is it that IBM actually do?

I mean, I worked for them before the great TUPE and I have no idea.

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Here at last, our 3D beauty: Vulture 2 spaceplane flies in

ukgnome
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*some assembly required, batteries and glue not included.

To get the best from your model you will require Humbrol paints HM2, HM11, M5 221

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Tell me why I don't like Moon days: Bob Geldof heads into SPAAACE

ukgnome
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rejected sub heading

MoonTown Rat?

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In pictures: El Reg hooks up with rain-lashed Spanish rocketeers

ukgnome
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click on the pics for embiggenment

It is phrases like this that makes you the no1 journo for El Reg.

Embiggenment has now been added to by autocorrect

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Should Nominet ban .uk domains that use paedo and crim-friendly words?

ukgnome
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Sorry, is this a Viz Top Tip

Seriously, banning the word hobby will stop the paedophiles?

How about making it law for paedophiles to always have the online handle of nonce1 etc

That way we should easily spot them.....

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Pair of complete tits sorry for pervy app

ukgnome
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Re: Nice idea, but wrong way round

Women have a face?!

Apparently they have two, one on each boob...

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Gov IT write-off: Universal Credit system flushes £34m down toilet

ukgnome
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Well I am surprised that no one saw this coming

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Baffled boffins 'closer' to finding origins of extragalactic COSMIC RAYS

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: The real question is

Knowing my luck I'd end up turning into a rock

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Revealed: HUNGRY frosty Arctic cleft that could eat 2 Grand Canyons

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

Re: Two Grand Canyons?

Well, Olympic size pools measure: 50 metres long, 25 metres wide, and a minimum of 2 metres deep.

(25m x 50m x 2m = 2,500m3; 1L = 0.001m3 so 2,500 x 1000 = 2,500,000L)

So that would mean that 7.5e+5m divided by 25

Of fuggedit it's about 29824 long (in OSSP) (Olympic Size Swimming Pools)

And in some places 400 OSSP depths deep

I think I've lost the will to continue...can anyone help

*Paris because I now know how she feels

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Met Police spaffs £250m keeping 'ineffective' IT systems running - report

ukgnome
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Well that seems a lot, but how much would it cost to update it?

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Vulture 2 spaceplane rises from the powdered nylon

ukgnome
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Is it wring that I read "and a couple of days later were ready to attack this big block of powder"

And thought, jeez man, that's a lot of charlie.

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Behind the candelabra: Power cut sends Britain’s boxes back to the '70s

ukgnome
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The sky box

five minutes of clicking and buzzing followed by another five minutes of pretending not to work.

Glad it's not just mine

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NASA's nuclear Mars tank REBELS against human control

ukgnome
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Terminator

BUT

how long does it take to go around the top gear track?

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Women in IT: ‘If you want to be taken seriously, dress like a man’

ukgnome
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Re: Shows a lack of logic

Indeed, but some stereotypes are true - just ask my wife.

You obviously have never worked with female techies.

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ukgnome
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Shows a lack of logic

Women, and I know the rest of you might not like this are .....logical creatures.

They follow rules a lot better than us men folk, this make them a lot better with certain tasks. However, they are not as inventive. This sounds cruel, but it is by no means an insult. For instance, get two coders a male and a female.....guess which one you can actually read if they leave. And don't even get me started on flow charts detailing the who what when were why.

I have stated on these forums many time, the IT industry would be a lot better off with more women.

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Ebook judge: Guilty Apple must hire anti-antitrust watchdog to probe itself

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Wow

Seems that Big Brother is going to get a taste for Apples

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No signal in Seascale? Countryside Alliance wants to hook you up

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Veggie

That certainly is a leap of the imagination.

This is the register, it is enjoyed by meat devourers and leaf eaters alike.

I have never read an article and thought sandal wearing leaf munching lefty, nor have I thought that an article is slightly more right of Genghis Khan.

But it is certainly true that the countryside alliance is a bloodsport promoter, just like Greenpeace is a wind loving tree hugging organisation.

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Hacktivists boast of English Defence League KO after website downed

ukgnome
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Couldn't even defend a website

I'm just wondering if intimidating computers can actual fix a website. Or do they have skilled IT workers?

Surely I'm not the only one that is actually hoping that they use a 3rd party vendor that operates out of India.

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Gambling addict IT boss gets 7 years' porridge for £19m swindle

ukgnome
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Coat

I'm not even trusted in buying pens.

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UK mulls ban on tiny mobiles to block prison smugglers

ukgnome
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OOOH credit card sized.....

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/micro-phone-our-amazing-device-is-now-available-with-bluetooth-4-0-ble-tracking--17

For a cool device that is credit card sized....

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New use for old iPhones: Watch your house get robbed in REAL-TIME

ukgnome
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How long before someone hacks this shiny IP camera to shout expletives

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-16919664

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23693460

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Judge bins lawsuit alleging AOL patent sale conspiracy theory

ukgnome
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Re: Deja Vu

Deja Vu

Suddenly getting something of a deja vu feeling.

But at least in this case the judge had the sense to chuck the thing out...

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iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik

ukgnome
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I'm taking a leaf out of Jay Blahnik's Book

If you spout enough shit to end users they will believe you #thisstopsmekillingpeople

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Guardian lets UK spooks trash 'Snowden files' PCs to make them feel better

ukgnome
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Joke

Have you ever wondered why it was so sunny during July?

Yep, you guessed it, they wiped the cloud too.

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Portuguese chicken invades Spanish airspace

ukgnome
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Joke

Is this an actual cock up?

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Fear the JOBZILLA! 150ft STATUE of Steve planned 'lest fanbois forget'

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

@Richard 12

Jobs was just a marketing CEO. A good one, but that's it.

No, even though we don't like to admit it, Jobs was also an engineer, a marketing drone wouldn't understand the technology. He was a spin doctor, but show me an engineer that doesn't believe his product is awesome. To simply suggest that he was a drone is appalling. And I'm a fandroid through and through!

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NSA coughs to 1000s of unlawful acts of snooping on US soil since 2008

ukgnome
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Fetch me my Troll hat!

This is just a smear campaign, America is land of the free.......etc

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Fiendish fake Flash plugin squirts grumble-flick ads into kiddies' websites

ukgnome
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Joke

It's called flash for a reason!

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Bureaucrats foil Nestlé's bid to TRADEMARK KitKat's chocolatey digits

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

All those other four finger snacks can now breath a sigh of relief.

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ULTIMATE cuppa contenders prepare to go mug-to-mug

ukgnome
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Yorkshire tea for hard water

Is a product that I send my American friends. They claim it's a superior brew that is suitable for all areas.

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BOFH: Backup server's failed? We have a backup backup server

ukgnome
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Please order me 4 large tanks of black market Halon and some breathing apparatus.

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Egad! Could Samsung be CHEATING in Galaxy benchmark tests?

ukgnome
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Joke

I benchmarked my phone

And that's the last time I put it on a bench

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Typical! Google's wonder-dongle is a solution looking for a problem

ukgnome
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Just for the record, Sky's GO is a rebranded Roku which includes Roku apps access......I don't work for Sky, but c'mon that's awesome!

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Jurors start stretch in the cooler for Facebooking, Googling the accused

ukgnome
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FAIL

Wow - Seems you downvoters missed

Whilst I think these two jurors were dumb,

AND

Seriously though, if you put an internet connected device into everyone's hand then human nature will do the rest.

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ukgnome
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Whilst I think these two jurors were dumb, I also feel that the justice system needs to play catch up with the digital age. Maybe the jurors shouldn't watch TV or listen to the radio, and at all cost they should avoid the daily mail.

Seriously though, if you put an internet connected device into everyone's hand then human nature will do the rest.

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BOFH: Don't be afraid - we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printer

ukgnome
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Bravo

This actually show a keen level of detail, I remember the band printer like it was yesterday. The only pedantic thing that I will pull you up on is a million pages.....That seems quite low, when I worked at a popular frozen food and biscuit manufacturer the printers there were on several million before I left.

The whole threading the inky ribbon when you had forgotten gloves, the watching your team leader almost slice cleanly through his thumb in a moment of stupidity. The blood spurts over the 4 banks of printers, the ruined statements. Ahh it's all coming back to me, the smell of a freshly opened ribbon spool. The misaligning of cheques, the fire as paper dust from rapid printing ignited in a beautiful plume akin to a fire in a flour factory. And 4 way carbon paper, not something you see today. Did you know that the spindles that you thread the carbon paper onto when you want to separate the sheets of carbon from the printout seemingly revolve at a million RPM, and can snap a wrist and throw a man across a room. And did you know if one of these spindles comes loose they can go with such velocity that they can break double glazing and smash into a leaving visitor.

Happy memories - thanks BOFH

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