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* Posts by ukgnome

1347 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

ukgnome
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WTF?

Things I have learned so far today,

when you disarm a lady that has just produced a gun from her miffy the ideal place to stash the gun is a toilet.

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Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

ukgnome
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Why oh why oh why

Don't the government put out a survey asking us lot, the great IT crowd about what is and what isn't a great idea for a .Gov IT project.

Everyone from drone to sys admin can get involved to tell these barmy bureaucrats just what the pitfalls will be. I would happily give 30 mins to a survey if it saved the image of IT workers.

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EE and Voda subscribers to get 2G and 3G INSIDE the Channel Tunnel

ukgnome
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Re: How about on UK train lines?!

Well all the main stations that I use now have 4G access ahead of the official date of 4G in that area. Although the pretty bits in-between don't. Not that I am expecting them to get 4G soon either, mainly because it's only sheep and pigs that live in the pretty bits.

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Spock-style gadget can SMELL my PEE! Weird gizmos of CES 2014

ukgnome
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Dammit

Now I need a 3D cake printer too!

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T-Mobile US: AT&T's mobe buyout deal is so 'desperate', we'll do it too

ukgnome
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Re: Competition

You have hit the nail on the head. I have a friend and they have a verizon deal, as it was the best deal. My friend and partner both have an iphone 5 deal with a government discount. One is an all you can eat data, whislt the other one is a capped 1GB data. They pay a total cost of $160 monthly.

Like WTF

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Boffins claim battery BREAKTHROUGH – with rhubarb-like molecule

ukgnome
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Joke

This doesn't surprise me

I always put currants in my crumble

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App to manage Android app permissions

ukgnome
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And now the walled garden looks quite appealing

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Apple: C'mon, flick on iBeacon. Let us track you. You'll get BADGES

ukgnome
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Trollface

Well at least the Fandroids are used to the tracking.

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Antarctic ice shelf melt 'lowest EVER recorded, global warming is NOT eroding it'

ukgnome
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Lewis isn't evil

Well, he might be, I don't know the chap.

However, for every person that is sceptical about climate change there is a scientist that believes that the change is due to humans.

Now, I'm not a sceptic by any means, and I do believe that we haven't helped the climates situation. But if we have the sceptics and the scientists doesn't that make for a more varied and interesting future for technology?

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Pinterest who? EU rules social network CAN'T trademark its own name

ukgnome
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Trollface

I simply have no Pinterest in this

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Snapchat: In 'theory' you could hack... Oh CRAP is that 4.6 MILLION users' details?

ukgnome
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Does this mean...

That I will start receiving random selfies

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Gift-giving gotchas: How to avoid Xmas morning EMBARRASSMENT

ukgnome
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Top Marks for advice

For delivery, I always use FedEx - if you have to pay a fee they let you know after delivery.

No need for you not too receive your goods just because Jonny Customs wants to tax the joy out of yoy

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Feuding fanbois in a flap over piracy haven in new iOS 7 jailbreak tool

ukgnome
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@ Dan 55

That is not jailbreaking, that is allowing apps from outside Play

there is a whole host of additional features that jailbreaking a phone can give you access to.

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Vodafone dodges UK corporation tax bill - AGAIN

ukgnome
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Is this the same company that bought Cable and Wireless?

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Yes, you ARE a member of a global technology elite

ukgnome
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Humans?????

What about the rest of us?

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James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

ukgnome
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Mixology

There are many benefits to shaking over stirring, depending on what you require the outcome of the drink to be. Mixing will combine both flavours into an even blend, this can be done with tea with milk for a different flavour of the same ingredient. And whilst this is subtle to most the difference can be considerable.

Stirring a drink layers the flavours in a different way, this will create noticeable differences between different cocktail makers, depending on how fast it is stirred, how long for and also what angle.

I believe what Mr Bond is in fact doing is burtonising the drink, so that it tastes the same no matter what bar he is frequenting.

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Drawers full of different chargers? The IEC has a one-plug-to-rule-them-all

ukgnome
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I used to android phone and whatever laptop of the moment

But since going fruit I have been amazed at how good there adapters for all there kit is.

It's time for the rest of the techverse to play catch up and adopt

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Facebook to BLAST the web with AUTO-PLAYING VIDEO ads

ukgnome
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OK - I totally understand the gripes, but lets not forget that you don't pay to use facebook. Do you think that servers and developers are free.

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Two Brits face criminal trial for sending 'menacing' tweets

ukgnome
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Re: So...

That is my understanding - the clue is in "menacing"

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Fisher-Price in hot seat: iPad bouncy chair lets APPLE BABYSIT tots – parents

ukgnome
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Re: What is the issue?

Am I serious - Jezz assume much do you?

1, I said I have 3 children, I didn't mention the new born.

2, Babies actually learn by sight and sound, I am not suggesting they play angry birds. Last time I looked the iPad has both. As for the chair, the bouncy chair, the bouncy chair with obvious hanging rattle and things. Well I guess you must of missed that.

3, That is entirely your opinion, and you are wrong with your assumption of screen time. For instance, my 3 year old speaks conversational Spanish thanks to Dora and Diego. This was from watching the television. He also speaks a bit of French from an App. Learning isn't just a set of rigid rules. I guess you will learn that when your kids are older and you are in a corner sobbing gently.

4, Seems you are in the wrong industry, this is actually progression. Maybe you're not an early adopter and are still struggling with Windows ME. It's time to understand that perhaps Granny needs to keep up to date, sometimes it's not about what you want, but what the needs of a child wants.

And really, you would destroy the arm that has a mirror on it, just because it also holds an iPad. Who are you, 1950's Dad? Seems that you need to take a long hard look at the world and try to fit in.

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ukgnome
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What is the issue?

As a father of 3 I can't actually see an issue, both my boys 3 and 5 use my tablet for games.

An iPad is just an interactive device, it's not hooking a child up to crack cocaine.

Yes, some parents may shove them in a chair and leave them, but we are not all idiots. Some of us understand a mixed and varied selection of activities and stuff will stimulate the little sweeties.

And also, what a great way for Granny to learn about FaceTime.

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Universal Credit: £40 MILLION and counting's been spaffed up the wall on useless IT gear

ukgnome
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FAIL

FFS IDS

Did anyone at all see this coming?

Oh, what's that.......the entire readership of El Reg!

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ASA slaps down BT over 'misleading' broadband claims

ukgnome
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Bored

How many times must the same drivel be peddled by ISP

Personally I am waiting for ronseal to become an ISP, no fuss, no mess, no bother, does exactly what it says on the tin.

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Sick to death of Xmas? Try these explosive gift ideas

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: My Little Pony...

Sorry to be a pedant - but it was actually in the book, how to be a complete bastard, although it was Adrian Edmonson so i'll give you half an advent chocolate

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SIM-free unlocked iPhones coming to a channel near you...

ukgnome
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That's pretty much what I was thinking, there isn't any restriction or tax to pay.

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Reg man inhales the smooth, non-cancerous, taste of USB nicotine

ukgnome
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Within a week I quit tobacco altogether, within a month I was mixing my own juice, within 2 month I was modding my kit.

After 4 month I started craving some good old THC, but didn't want to roll, and as it happens I found dry vape chambers. All in all, I vape, and this is a happy smiley thing.

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Berners-Lee: 'Growing tide of surveillance' is destroying the internet

ukgnome
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Surely they don't use the internet for spying do they? I thought it was all porn and online shops.

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Apple Schill-er: 'I was shocked - SHOCKED! They went and copied the iPhone'

ukgnome
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Trollface

Speaking as a recent apple convert....

This is a sham, Google never copied Apple

Android devices are poop compared to the refined Apple user experience

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BOFH: Resistance is futile - we're missing BEER O'CLOCK

ukgnome
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Yesterday I met the director of the firm I work, and I mentioned that IT can be dangerous work. His words were thus, nice that I have a BOFH on site, just remember that I'm one too.

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Microsoft touts SCROOGLE merch: Hopes YOU'LL PAY to dump on rival

ukgnome
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I'm furious

These are only USA products - what about us lot in blighty

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iSpy with my little eye: Apple wants to track your every move

ukgnome
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Seems logical, why have a drone to tell you prices and events if your iShiney can do it for you

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SuperStride Me: Reg hack spends week working at 'treadmill desk'

ukgnome
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Joke

OK, I want one - this IT lark is just so pedestrian, so I might as well make like one.

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Show us your Cook: Size is everything for Apple iWatch fans, apparently

ukgnome
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Gimp

I'm a recent Apple convert and can I just say

Squeeeeelllllll!!!!!!!!!!

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El avión Buitre 2 rinde homenaje a nuestros amigos españoles

ukgnome
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Mi aerodeslizador es lleno de anguilas

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San Fran tech hub wants hookers and hackers for Halloween

ukgnome
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samhain !

Not Halloween, All Hallows' Eve or bloody trick or treat day!

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Why Bletchley Park could never happen today

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

That's what they want you to think!

*Paris, because that's what she thinks, at least she thinks that what she thinks.

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The Reg undergoes a Twitter makeover: Come join the squawk

ukgnome
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Coat

Twatter?

isn't that what yorkshire people drink?

*It's not a coat it's Yorkshire Jacket

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UK.gov open to hiring EX-CON hackers for cyber reserves

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Yeah, lets employ criminals to carry out criminal acts in the name of Gov

Maybe knife crime types can become butchers

Muggers can become doormen

etc etc etc.....

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Ryanair boss Mike O'Leary hits Twitter: 'Nice pic. Phwoaaarr!'

ukgnome
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Re: Backfire

It would add fuel to his fire, but it seems that there has been an issue with refuelling. Therefore the plain, the fuel and the fire have all been delayed.

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NHS preps spammy mailshots advertising 'BIGGEST medical data grab in HISTORY'

ukgnome
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As long as....

They keep the database for themselves and don't sell access to it to anyone. As I wouldn't want the world knowing about my "light bulb" moment.....and I don't mean having an idea!

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All cool kids' phones run ALTERNATIVE alternative custom Android ROM

ukgnome
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Re: @Bullseyed

Why not click on my name and see, rather than guessing you turnip

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ukgnome
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Gimp

This is why I am leaving Android

I used to be a committed fandroid, heck I have so many droid devices, but enough is enough.

Simply too many devices, too many flavours of OS.

I don't want to have to hunt and research for the best user experience. I want a device that works, and receives regular updates. That even when the handsets are refreshed the latest software is delivered.

That's right folks, I am buying an Apple, I will be a fanboi....

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Murdoch calls for world+dog to 'expose' Google

ukgnome
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Dear El Reg

Please don't draw peoples attention to this claw fisted cock juggler.....

*Dear lawyers, you will note that I haven't actually mentioned which one....Oops (that should work)

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Mac fans: You don't need Windows to get ripped off in tech support scams

ukgnome
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Meh

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ukgnome
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Devil

I haven't had one of these jokers for a while. But I always have fun when they call. Amongst some of my time wasting tricks are.

1. Loading up my riot soundboard, I let them do there "work" until I get bored and simulate either a police raid, or house invasion.

2. From memory I follow there instructions and pretend I am a bumbling oaf....My record is 47mins...

3. I sometimes engage them in chat, and then tell them my life story, about how my wife has just left me. The death of my child. My lust for indian men.....

Am I going to hell?

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OAR-some! 18ft SEA SERPENT discovered off US coast

ukgnome
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Kwazi, Peso, Barnacles, Inkling, Dashi, Shellington, Tweak, Tunip!

Octonauts at ease, until the next adventure!

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EasyJet website crashes and burns

ukgnome
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That's like saying I prefer to be kicked in my right testicle instead of my left.

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Google's latest ad push gives LONE LAWMAKER the creeps

ukgnome
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Trollface

Right, that's it!

I'm changing my profile picture to an arse.....

*some would say I already have

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

ukgnome
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Trollface

But on the plus side

It's now easier to delete emails from the android app.

Seriously that's all that I do these days. Yahoo is the spamiest mail provider anywhere

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Printing the Future: See a few of UK’s 6.2 million 3D-printed ‘things’

ukgnome
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Yes, but is it art? Photo

I don't know about art, but those dildo's in the cabinet behind made me laugh.

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