* Posts by ukgnome

1433 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

OUCH... right in the Androids! Google hit by another antitrust sueball

ukgnome
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Re: Bing Bong

I'm pretty sure my 5s carries out all it's browser searches using Google.

Not sure about Siri, it's ghastly

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Please work for nothing, Mr Dabbs. What can you lose?

ukgnome
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F' 'em Dabbsy

I don't work for free, I would even charge my Mum for IT assistance.....granted it's usually a cup of coffee and a nice crisp tenner.

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Chinese iWatchers: Apple's WRISTPUTERS ALREADY in production

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: You will need

no, I am pretty sure those magic headphones that he describes are called bluetooth

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Teen jailed for ARMED ROBBERY says he and pals had been inspired by Grand Theft Auto

ukgnome
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Alien

I think his defence is valid....

I have built a massive gun that can fire projectiles, it runs on rails and for protection I have 3 houses that will happily absorb laser blasts from nefarious aliens.

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Stone the crows, Bouncer! BT defends TV recorder upgrade DELETION snafu

ukgnome
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Re: I'm no Murdoch fan but...

Agreed - Sky has just totally overhauled the EPG and front screen - the whole shebang...not a single bit out of place.

Heck, hiding behind DP annoys me somewhat.

I'm glad I am not a TV customer, and only receive my slightly shoddy broadband from them.

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NASA's Curiosity rover set to give Mars its THIRD HARD DRILLING

ukgnome
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Re: Suspicious

Space gypsies?

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The Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh challenge: What's the point, exactly?

ukgnome
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Shit the bed!

That sounds particularly nasty......

It's not going to stop me moaning about the hayfever I am currently battling, but it will get me chucking another quid or two in the hat.

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FCC seeks $48K fine from mobile phone-jamming driver

ukgnome
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entitlement perception

On my way to work today I had to point out that the light had turned green, but the women on her phone didn't seem to notice, and then she acted all butt hurt when I yelled get off the phone!

*I was a smug pedestrian at this point in my journey.

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Marauding quid-a-day nosh hack menaces teepee hippie villages

ukgnome
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Is it foraging still if......

you re-purpose little salts and peppers in there sachets from popular fast food places?

whilst foraging for salt and pepper you eat fries from the floor?

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A real pot-boiler kicks off Reg man's quid-a-day nosh challenge

ukgnome
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Re: fecking labels that you are meant to remove

Top Tip - mayonnaise......yes the white slippery stuff

Coat the sticker in large blobs of the stuff and leave for a couple of days - et voilà...

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ukgnome
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Fry me a river

those eggs look near damn perfect!

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Chap builds mobe based on Raspberry Pi

ukgnome
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Re: @ daniel

Dude - this isn't XDA, maybe they will help you with your projects of awesome androidness.

Now bog off!

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ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: @ daniel

I only come on here to ready the daily mail readers comments....

Seriously dude, all that anger isn't worth it. And as for your droid tablet....That's not going to cure world hunger is it? But pie on the other hand....What, oh Pi....nope that won't either. And Resistive? Seriously dude! shaking my head....

Now pass me the popcorn - its the food of trolls y'know

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Reg hack hacked off by iPhone 5 repair notice

ukgnome
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Coat

So.....

you didn't upgrade to a 5S - who feels stupid now? Maybe you would like to phone me and complain.....Best of luck waking your phone up loser

*the one with the 5S in the pocket....

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El Reg posse prepares for quid-a-day nosh challenge

ukgnome
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A meagre amount added in the jar from me - now dance monkeys dance!

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LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

ukgnome
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You see, that's what I like about El Reg - it may be an embittered meany at times, but Lester's comment shows that underneath the vultures feathers beats a heart of fluffy loveliness.

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David Cameron defends BT's taxpayer-funded broadband 'monopoly': It's a 'success story'

ukgnome
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Maybe I am the only one......but

Other companies had a chance to bid.

Other companies decided not to.

BT became pretty much sole supplier.

Therefore it must be BT's fault.

Hmm - dammed if they do, dammed if they don't.

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

ukgnome
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Grand Theft Tesco

see title

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Original iPhone dev team was 'shockingly small' - Apple engineer

ukgnome
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Pint

mirrors the endless discussion of Max Clifford's penis

I salute you, I raise a glass to you, and I will even buy you a pint.

I don't know if it adds to the story, but every time I see that man I laugh and laugh and laugh

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

ukgnome
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Alien

Re: We want Manga.

If they go down that route, then what is to stop the Cronos corporation starts pumping out hyper-zoanoids?

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

ukgnome
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Pen and paper - word processing for blondes

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Three's money man reveals UK mobe firms' DARK PRICING dealings

ukgnome
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Seems to me that Three are just doing some willy waving for free headlines....oh look it has worked.

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GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

ukgnome
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Massive Cock

is presumably what the male chickenosaurus is called.

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Crap flap-app flap chap yaps: Yes, FLAPPY BIRD is comin' back

ukgnome
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@shades

There is this thing right that most call the internet but the part we use is called the world wide web. Its incredibly useful as its full of all kinds of stuff and things. Lets call some of the stuff and things information. Are you following me so far Shades?

Good, now one of the useful things about this is the ability to search for facts. And one of these facts that you can search is how Nintendo feel about some of the similarity of the flappy birds backgrounds.

Thank you xx

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Kent Police fined £100k for leaving interview vids of informants in old cop shop

ukgnome
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is it criminal watching criminals?

The business owner confirmed that he had found the tapes in the basement of the old police station, after purchasing the site two months before, and was planning on watching them for entertainment.

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Xenon: Bitmap Brothers' (mega)blast from the past

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

I'm all warm and fuzzy

Thanks El Reg, antique code show always makes me feel all chipper and squidgy inside.

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Is Apple about unleash a cheaper 8GB iPhone 5C? O2 'leak' suggests: Yes

ukgnome
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8GB

That won't cut the mustard I'm afraid. once the OS is loaded on you won't have much wiggle room for apps.

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Wackadoo DIYers scissor-kick beatboxer

ukgnome
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Regarding shock invective beginning with "cu-"

Ok I was curious, and now one of them CU types wants to expel me from the building. Of well, the pubs open so I might as well get cu*ted.

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Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

ukgnome
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I find that nappies

soak up the blood incredibly well.....anyone? Nope? just me then!

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Bill Gates-backed SOLAR POO RAYGUN COMMODE unveiled

ukgnome
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Can these be installed in volcano lairs?

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Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

ukgnome
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@Lester

You don't believe in magic?

Then how do you explain the mystical properties of Psychic Sally?

*the one with ....i'm seeing an old man beginning with S or it might be P and he's in my pocket!

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Fanbois SQUEAL as DNS snafu knocks out iTunes website

ukgnome
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Suggested title

Fanbois squeal at apple crumble

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

ukgnome
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and for the yoof

UK's TBL 25YO WWW 2DAY

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Apple iOS 8 'will put end' to crap map app rap flap misery

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Will it understand buses?

except that Google includes buses and underground and tram. So what was that you was saying *

*just check routes options

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We all owe our EXISTENCE to lovely VOLCANOES, say boffins

ukgnome
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Wow

Decepticon island.....that's gonna be so sweet with it's robots and stuff.

*the one with the ripped dictionary in the pocket

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Heroic Playmonaut wowed by LOHAN's bulging package

ukgnome
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And as a Brit...

I'm glad he's not riding in the shotgun seat.

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

ukgnome
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Maplins is crack to tech whores

I want to call you Mr Dabbs, by every expletive I know! And what should prompt such a reaction, well duh!

You see it's Friday, and on Fridays I am more open to suggestion. So before even commenting I found myself browsing on the maplins website and immediately thinking about this....L68BH

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

ukgnome
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OK lets remove the emotion from the argument and take another look, but this time factoring the data protection act.

In that instance Apple are in the right, they have a process in place that is protecting the date at their reputation.

However, I am not a cold hard logic machine (that's my wife) and therefore they are been bastards on this occasion.

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Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

ukgnome
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Well done El Reg

but your user base isn't just within the ring of doom. So if you could just email me the pint instead please.

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Brit Bitcoin dev: I lost 'over £200k' when MtGox popped its socks

ukgnome
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"Or maybe I should call sue Microsoft because my pirated version of office is full of malware?"

That's not malware, that's how it's meant to run.

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Got 4G? Wake up, grandad. We're doing 4.5G LTE-A in London - EE chief

ukgnome
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Whilst I do a happy dance when my phone tells me its on 4G its mainly because where I actually live I don't actually get 2G. Now you may say that's because I live in a quaint village on the Norfolk broads, and that is true. But seriously it's 2014, and about time EE realised that the country isn't surrounded by the M25.

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BT demands end to Ofcom wholesale broadband subsidies for BSkyB, TalkTalk

ukgnome
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LLU?

Not in my village, if I use sky then I'm actually a BT connect customer and that means I get a 40GB download limit and traffic management, compared to the same service from BT which is unlimited and unmanaged.

So meh!

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But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

ukgnome
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But Mr Dabbs

We may not be cash rich, but surely we are all warm friendly glowy types.

oh soddit I want the money!

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

ukgnome
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I think that.....

El Reg should have a beard competition!

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ukgnome
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You sir get an upvote.

Although I am getting my hobo look sorted today - bring back the goatee!

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

ukgnome
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No Bull Riding?

that's a deal breaker......pass

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Fine, you can mock us: NSA spies back down in T-shirt ridicule brouhaha

ukgnome
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Facepalm

a crime to mutilate or alter the seal of any department or agency of the United States

It is also a crime to use the seal without permission, and getting permission is an incredible feat. One that I failed on. As I had applied retrospectively to use the seal on an intranet site the following thing happened.

1. I received a stern email saying no.

2. I received a very stern letter saying no.

3. I received a phone call from the FBI stating that I had perpetrated a federal crime and that if I didn't desist then they would attempt extradition.

All I wanted to do is hot link using the seal as a click button so that employees in America could see health and safety information.

Can you imagine the HSE taking such action in the UK?

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SMELT YOU LATER: Apple announces conflict-free status

ukgnome
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So is this the end for.....

fairphone?

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Woz he talking about? Apple co-founder wants iPhones to run Android

ukgnome
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@detritus

Hahahaha jokes on you - I am ginger!

although I do prefer to be called south african sunset.

And before you get your panties in a bunch, gingers don't have souls.

but you get an upvote for calling me big guy :-)

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ukgnome
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I own both, a sammy and an iPhone, and If you put iOS on the sammy then maybe it would be OK.

But putting android on an iPhone would be like putting a "Kick Me" sign on a ginger kid, fun for a few mins and then just wrong!

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