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* Posts by ukgnome

1402 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Fanbois SQUEAL as DNS snafu knocks out iTunes website

ukgnome
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Suggested title

Fanbois squeal at apple crumble

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

ukgnome
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and for the yoof

UK's TBL 25YO WWW 2DAY

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Apple iOS 8 'will put end' to crap map app rap flap misery

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Will it understand buses?

except that Google includes buses and underground and tram. So what was that you was saying *

*just check routes options

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We all owe our EXISTENCE to lovely VOLCANOES, say boffins

ukgnome
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Wow

Decepticon island.....that's gonna be so sweet with it's robots and stuff.

*the one with the ripped dictionary in the pocket

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Heroic Playmonaut wowed by LOHAN's bulging package

ukgnome
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And as a Brit...

I'm glad he's not riding in the shotgun seat.

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

ukgnome
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Maplins is crack to tech whores

I want to call you Mr Dabbs, by every expletive I know! And what should prompt such a reaction, well duh!

You see it's Friday, and on Fridays I am more open to suggestion. So before even commenting I found myself browsing on the maplins website and immediately thinking about this....L68BH

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

ukgnome
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OK lets remove the emotion from the argument and take another look, but this time factoring the data protection act.

In that instance Apple are in the right, they have a process in place that is protecting the date at their reputation.

However, I am not a cold hard logic machine (that's my wife) and therefore they are been bastards on this occasion.

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Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

ukgnome
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Well done El Reg

but your user base isn't just within the ring of doom. So if you could just email me the pint instead please.

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Brit Bitcoin dev: I lost 'over £200k' when MtGox popped its socks

ukgnome
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"Or maybe I should call sue Microsoft because my pirated version of office is full of malware?"

That's not malware, that's how it's meant to run.

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Got 4G? Wake up, grandad. We're doing 4.5G LTE-A in London - EE chief

ukgnome
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Whilst I do a happy dance when my phone tells me its on 4G its mainly because where I actually live I don't actually get 2G. Now you may say that's because I live in a quaint village on the Norfolk broads, and that is true. But seriously it's 2014, and about time EE realised that the country isn't surrounded by the M25.

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BT demands end to Ofcom wholesale broadband subsidies for BSkyB, TalkTalk

ukgnome
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LLU?

Not in my village, if I use sky then I'm actually a BT connect customer and that means I get a 40GB download limit and traffic management, compared to the same service from BT which is unlimited and unmanaged.

So meh!

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But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

ukgnome
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But Mr Dabbs

We may not be cash rich, but surely we are all warm friendly glowy types.

oh soddit I want the money!

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

ukgnome
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I think that.....

El Reg should have a beard competition!

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ukgnome
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You sir get an upvote.

Although I am getting my hobo look sorted today - bring back the goatee!

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

ukgnome
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No Bull Riding?

that's a deal breaker......pass

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Fine, you can mock us: NSA spies back down in T-shirt ridicule brouhaha

ukgnome
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Facepalm

a crime to mutilate or alter the seal of any department or agency of the United States

It is also a crime to use the seal without permission, and getting permission is an incredible feat. One that I failed on. As I had applied retrospectively to use the seal on an intranet site the following thing happened.

1. I received a stern email saying no.

2. I received a very stern letter saying no.

3. I received a phone call from the FBI stating that I had perpetrated a federal crime and that if I didn't desist then they would attempt extradition.

All I wanted to do is hot link using the seal as a click button so that employees in America could see health and safety information.

Can you imagine the HSE taking such action in the UK?

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SMELT YOU LATER: Apple announces conflict-free status

ukgnome
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So is this the end for.....

fairphone?

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Woz he talking about? Apple co-founder wants iPhones to run Android

ukgnome
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@detritus

Hahahaha jokes on you - I am ginger!

although I do prefer to be called south african sunset.

And before you get your panties in a bunch, gingers don't have souls.

but you get an upvote for calling me big guy :-)

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ukgnome
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I own both, a sammy and an iPhone, and If you put iOS on the sammy then maybe it would be OK.

But putting android on an iPhone would be like putting a "Kick Me" sign on a ginger kid, fun for a few mins and then just wrong!

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Baby's got the bends: LG's D958 G Flex Android smartie

ukgnome
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How can we make people part with their cash? I know make it curvy......it didn't work in the 50's and it wont work now.

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Japanese quantum boffins 'may have the key to TELEPORTATION'

ukgnome
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Pint

I have read the dumbed down version and the super dumbed down version as well as the version that has been aimed at the totally clever but have no friends people....

And I still only have a very very basic understanding of the concept.

*****I probably need to add ------------------------------>

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

ukgnome
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Trollface

Is it still Trolling

If you mean every single word of it?

***Yes, I am trolling ------->

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

ukgnome
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Re: fish museum - @Captain Hogwash

That would be the National Fishing Heritage Centre in Grimsby

My job there was in the futuristic exhibition loosely based around fish called "the posiedon experiment", it involved artefacts having their memory read by the organic super computer known as the organism. It culminated in a motion cinema experience which explored the memory of a long dead fisherman.

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ukgnome
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Whilst I want Bletchley to keep going

I do understand the cost to keep it open, even with volunteers......But this is wrong, I actually used to work as an actor in a fish museum (year I know right) but the thing that amazed me about that role was summed up in this article, and seemingly I think it applies to any niche historical museum.

"namely a British quirkiness arising from an extensive range of exhibits manned by volunteers who knew their stuff and were happy to share it."

This was the case when I visited Bletchley the first time, I had an hour long conversation about valves and how they work. The chap also gave me an up close tour of the machine room because I had an enthusiasm that he liked. What actor would do that?

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Android VPN redirect vuln now spotted lurking in Kitkat 4.4

ukgnome
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Have a Break.......

have a chip cracked

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

ukgnome
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Joke

Lexmark have one of these on the market for £250 with enough ink to print a keyring.

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UK.gov to Google: Kill impostor taxmen ADs hogging top spot in YOUR search results

ukgnome
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Re: Bing

They should, as it returns relevant searches without the con sites

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Apple’s Mac turns 30: How Steve Jobs’ baby took its first steps

ukgnome
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Trollface

Doesn't the OS look just like windows?

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Alcatel-Lucent and BT unveil super fat pipe, splurt out 1.4Tb per second across London

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: 410km? WTF?

It says the cable length is 410km

This is typical of BT, they followed an as the buzby flies method of cable deployment.

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

ukgnome
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Excuse me

You cant trademark a word that has been around for donkeys years.

What will I ask for when I buy by cough candy?

Who was the bertie bassetesque robot in Dr Who, The happiness patrol?

And, won't this confuse people that want to buy a large load washing machine?

Actually the last one is quite a valid point (not that the other two are not), but Candy appliances are already prevalent throughout Europe.

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Brit boffin tests LETTUCE as wire for future computers

ukgnome
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This needs investment

How long until we can eat the computer to prevent the feds from getting our data?

*the one with the light dressing in the pocket

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

ukgnome
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I was just chatting to Mrs Gnome about this the other week, as I could see this happening.

Her reply was essentially - I have just vomited in my mouth.

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Hadron Collider urinal cake tale wins El Reg's LHC book giveaway

ukgnome
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A begrudging congratulations from Collider Man

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Your squirty insecticides make bumblebees SHRINK, warn boffins

ukgnome
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Re: OY You lot, over here.

It will attract my comment...

Frankly without the bees we might as well take ourselves out into the pastures and blow our bloody brains out. It's time to give these happy insects a helping hand.

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SPAM supposedly spotted leaving the fridge

ukgnome
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Terminator

This is the first step to awareness...

I for one welcome our .....Mobile Snack Providers

*yeah I know....the bad kind of spam rather than the worst kind.

**Hmm can the fridge and the friar double team for retro treats?

***How come this never happened to the Autobots?

****And can this be used for a smegging viral campaign for red dwarf? Or is that just talking toasters?

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My name is Dabbsy and I am an EMAILOHOLIC

ukgnome
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Hi Dabbsy ...

My name is Gnomey...I am also an emailcoholic...

Although within the last few years I have had my wife rationalise my Email accounts, she was very good at explaining that I didn't actually need a mail server...and she also pointed out that whilst my hugh.janus email address is amusing it's not professional.

So now I make do with the 3 client email addresses, the 2 company email addresses and admin on 2 shared email accounts, as well as the 4 personal email addresses.

11 isn't that bad is it?

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NSA: It's TRUE, we grab 200 MILLION of your text messages A DAY globally

ukgnome
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Oh Heck

The NSA now knows that I need a pint of milk and that my mortgage application has been processed. I hope that can't see MMS, if they can then they will know about the 60 year old on the train that had a swish pair of Beats!.

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Someone stole your phone? Now they'll have your STARBUCKS password – the horror!

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

The company is also asking users to directly report any believed or suspected account theft...

Dear Starbucks - your coffee is over priced, you are stealing hard earned $£

Theft Reported!

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Facebook gets a 'trending topics' box (just what its cluttered pages need)

ukgnome
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I guess trending is a trend

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Clink! Terrorist jailed for refusing to tell police his encryption password

ukgnome
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Trollface

That's why my passwords are 123ABC!"£

No one will ever crack them!

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Microsoft confirms: Staff inboxes hijacked amid 'Syrian army' cyber-blitz

ukgnome
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Joke

Phishing?.....I heard that....

Someone phoned from windows claiming that the computers had a virus....

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Pint-glass-flashing FISHNAPPERS strike at Firefox daddy Mozilla

ukgnome
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Hmm sounds a bit fish flakey

Something definitely fishy.

I mean cod you believe it?

The fishnappers were probably well meaning angels, or perhaps a clown.

Of course this could be a load of pollock. Or haddock you thought of that?

*the one with the Grimsby Evening Telegraph in the pocket

**we only sing when we're fishing

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DOOMSDAY still just MINUTES AWAY: As it has been since 1947

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: So the problem is

I guess some scientists want us to move back into caves.

You do know that we have never actually lived in caves don't you?

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Apple coughs up 7 hours of profit to refund kids' $32.5m app spend spree

ukgnome
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In app payments, micro payments or whatever - it still equates to evil intent by the developers.

Whilst it would be nice for a second form of authentication I don't see either Google or Apple as been at blame.

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Plastic iPhone 5Cs? Nah, we'll flog India our OLD iPhone 4 models - report

ukgnome
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Trollface

"not-so-budget budget phone" 5C

Well nothing about the phone specs suggests it should be a budget phone.

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Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

ukgnome
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Why am I laughing

It's hard not too!

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Foot-loving cat burglar nicks THREE THOUSAND individual socks

ukgnome
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Re: Thank god

I swear its not all gnomes.

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Chinese Moon rover, lander duo wake up after two-week snooze

ukgnome
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Re: @ Dalek Dave

Well I have never actually seen people in America as I have never been there. Sure I've seen pictures and video, but they can all be faked right. In fact the more I think about it the more I am convinced that the UK is the only country and that everywhere else is just a figment of my imagination coupled with the UK propaganda machine.

Oh Fudge, I guess I am responsible for the French.....My Bad!

Now troll off!

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THOUSANDS of UK.gov Win XP PCs to face April hacker storm... including boxes at TAXMAN, NHS

ukgnome
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@Neil Alexander

"Because IT departments are lazy and rely too much on the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" mantra"

I don't think that's true, it's more often the case that the clients think they know better. Or as is happening in my organisation, a complete lack of upgrading key systems because the cost is quite staggering. It's cheaper to pay for a few more desktop technicians who can hold the hands of users as they reboot their PC.

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Samsung Nexus S beats Galaxy S III – at detecting GAMMA RAYS

ukgnome
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I will find this very useful when I try to find the best radioactive source.

Soon my quest for super powers will be complete.

What's that? Samsung are the best detectors!!!!

Hard Pass on that one!

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