* Posts by ukgnome

1431 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Nearly there! LOHAN Kickstarter pot o'gold breaks £29,000

ukgnome
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Re: Use this to bribe the Spanish official who is blocking this...

I don't think you can use Kickstarter for bribes, can you?

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EE accused of silencing customer gripes on social media pages

ukgnome
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If you can find

the quick easy option to complain about service or lack thereof then you get a gold medal.

EE doesn't have a status page telling you about faults, when you dial 150 you get a convoluted menu system that seems to be all about money and not about rectifying an issue.

However, you need to keep on at them, complaint handlers will give you a direct dial or email address that filters to a case handler. Although you have to fight them, and you should need the hassle.

I was able to to get 20% off my bill for the time I am with them as I stuck to complaining. But it took a month and made me a bit angry. Although i never swore when speaking to them, but I did heap on the sarcasm, and did quote snippets of their own statements back at them in a totally snarky way.

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Our LOHAN spaceplane ballocket Kickstarter climbs through £8000

ukgnome
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I've just pledged

And on Thursday I am guesting on a scifi podcast and am hoping to promote LOHAN as my geek pick of the week.

This damn ship will fly!

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US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

ukgnome
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Re: hypothetical

I never mentioned the dog had copyright, but rather couldn't be seen to break any copyright laws for the same reasons as he couldn't hold copyright.

If an animal cannot claim copyright, then it cannot infringe copyright.

*as of now my fish are downloading snide copies guardians of the galaxy, and bugger me they are actually burning them to disc. I have decided not to stop them, because if I interfere with what they are doing then I am an accomplice. I just hope they don't sell them at a car boot fare.

**sarcasm, obvs

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ukgnome
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hypothetical

So, lets say I let my guide dog into the cinema with me, and he happens to be wearing a camera. As long as he is in a US cinema then I cannot be done for copyright infringement when he films the blockbuster that I am going to see (listen to)

Did the primate in question pop to the Amazon shop (yeah I know) and purchase the camera?

Also, if I stole a camera (or my guide dog) and we took photo's and then handed it back and the owner won a competition with the photo's that I took, then would he be infringing any rules? It seems to me that the Americans have sided with the Americans, who would of thunk it?

**I don't have a guide dog, but I see a scam on the horizon

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The Register Monopoly Pubcrawl Mobile Map: VODAFONE WINS VOICE

ukgnome
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I do hope Simon isn't double parked in that picture.

That's like a forfeit or something!

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LOHAN gets laughing gear round promotional mug

ukgnome
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Re: Complaints

Totally agree - bloody whine whine whine

Suck it up commentards, when kickstarter goes live I expect to see your grubby mits stuffing Lester's thong with fivers!

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Football legend Gary Lineker in TWITTER POO TROLL SCANDAL

ukgnome
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Re: So why isn't his nickname...

it possibly is, as his middle name just happens to be Winston.

Not funny, but truth seldom is

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ukgnome
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Jeez internet, just let it go.

I mean, who hasn't done that......

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TV transport tech, part 2: From sofa to server at the touch of a button

ukgnome
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I'm Sorry

I tried my best to get through the whole first article and failed.

Today I managed just page one.

I love the detail, and appreciate the work that has gone into it, but this needed to be a mini series and not a magnum opus.

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Just in case? Unverified 'supersize me' iPhone 6 pics in sneak leak peek

ukgnome
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Re: @credas

If you was an iPhone user then I am sure you would understand, other phones seem clunky by comparison. So whilst the budget model (and I use that term loosely for the c) is a cracking phone the actual cost for the top of the range model is worth it.

Please refer to the Top Gear Porsche argument.

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ukgnome
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Re: About what it's worth...

I've used a 5c for about a year, and as a slightly camp straight man I am totally in love with my yellow apple. Software works, it has a good amount of storage and the camera is bloody good. Would I but the S? Absolutely, the c was great for people like me that wanted one but didn't want one. The 6s will get my money because I want want, and I want the best one.

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Tesla: YES – We'll build a network of free Superchargers in Oz

ukgnome
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Trollface

What's the betting that my quiet Norfolk broads village gets a supercharge station before fibre to cabinet?

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LOHAN packs bags for SPACEPORT AMERICA!

ukgnome
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give me the damn kickstarter link already!

I promise cash for stuff!

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Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3

ukgnome
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Camera

"making this a decent device for Skype calls or quick snaps when out and about, if swinging about with a 12-inch screen does not put you off"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Tablets should not ever be used for photography, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER.

In fact a law should be passed that permits you to smash it out of the wielders hands.

**Oh and it's too pricey

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EE: STILL Blighty's best mobe network, says 'Frappucino' Moore

ukgnome
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Re: Train Reception

Hasn't Dave PM said he wants 4G masts along the rails so he can keep tabs on the populous or summink?

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Vulture 2 takes a battering in 100km/h test run

ukgnome
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I wonder if Mrs gnome would let me bolt a space plane to my MPV?

Jolly well done all ---->

Oh, and did you decide on your tree protector backronym thing?

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UK fuzz want PINCODES on ALL mobile phones

ukgnome
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Big Brother

It's simple, what we all need is a DNA lock.

Then we wouldn't need a PIN, and the thieves would need a vial of blood or summink.

Oh hang on............I think I have just legitimised police assisting people down the stairs.

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

ukgnome
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Trollface

I pay my council tax, so answer the damn question already!

How many times has sacrifice come up as a legitimate answer for getting housing approved?

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You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

ukgnome
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I think the main issue is that if you are giving a presentation these days then the audience of tie wearing free sandwich munchers assume that that you are a project leader. And we know how supremely awesome they are.

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Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

ukgnome
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Coat

which harvests energy from body fluid like sweat

Like sweat huh? So a million boys bedrooms will have self powering flash-lights soon?

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EE network whacked by 'PDP authentication failure' blunder

ukgnome
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This latest cock up has resulted in the following txt

Hello. The 4GEE phone plan you've moved to doesn't come with an inclusive add-on. You can buy a content add-on by visiting .......

Hmm I think they have not told the whole story.

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Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Rainbow Braces at Half Hast

You see Ork is a planet. You follow the Big Dipper til it comes to a dead end then you hang an up.

*and anyone that wants an IT angle, then just check twitter, I like to think that Robin would me smiling at the fact that the numbtards have mixed him up with Stokes Robbie #Angel

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

ukgnome
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@I ain't Spartacus

Maple syrup eggy bread with peanut butter and cheese (extra mature) it's simply awesome

Pancakes or waffles with cheese and fried egg is also for the win.

Basically we should go into business as potato croquettes are the king of potato breakfast items, unless you are sitting down to an Olympic at little chef.

As for vege products, basically quorn all the way if you can handle the incredibly loud farting afterwards. Fake bacon is OK, but only if you like the taste of frazzles. If you are having a vege fry up then have everything else in a bigger portion size and side step the meat.

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ukgnome
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Re: So basiclly,

"biscuits and sausage gravy"

Oh, you mean scones, except the way you have them is more akin to a cobbler.

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LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

ukgnome
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Bypass Arbour Protective System

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Fanfare of trumpets as LOHAN reveals mission patch

ukgnome
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Pint

So it's definitely helium then?

What am I going to do with with all the shares in hydrogen?

And when can we buy merch?

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EE rolls out London bus pay-by-bonk app – only fandoids need apply

ukgnome
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Devil

Oh, I see

next question - why the fuck would I want to be in London?

And does Uber halio do an app for the buses? with all these leaps of technology I am totally confused.

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ukgnome
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What the fuck is a london bus?

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

ukgnome
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Re: Stu 4

The pleasure and delight of a Greater Anglia experience.

I think everyone should have the pleasure.

Recently I was shouted at by a chap who told be not to vault the staff entrance barrier at Norwich. He melted down when I suggested that he didn't have a sign saying I couldn't vault the barrier. I don't think they like me much on their notwork.

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ukgnome
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Bless you Mr D

You must of known that I am at my second progenies birthday and released this early.

Many thanks

Dral, or is it Durl, or maybe Daram

*all are acceptable if I get a coffee at the end of humiliation.

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Windows Registry-infecting malware has no files, survives reboots

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

And now you have infected me

because I read it on here

Paris, obvs - >

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Sneaker-maker Reebok cooks up performance-enhancing BACON

ukgnome
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Oh

so it's american bacon - yuck

Even as a British vegetarian I can attest that yank bacon is gross

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CAPTCHA challenges you to copy pointillist painter Seurat's classic

ukgnome
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Mushroom

Oh just fuck off already

Bloody stupid prove you're a human bullshit.

Why not ask a knock knock joke or something else. I am so fed up with stupid CAPTCHA, and don't even get me started on the audio versions.

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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

ukgnome
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My pleasant passport chap tried this on a recent trip to LA...

His opening gambit was - spain are out of the world cup, now I don't give a rats ass about such things, but I immediately feigned an interest.

His second question was about what I did for a living, I was terrified as I work for IBM, and he wanted to know exactly what I did. I tried to make it sound exciting, I think I got away with it to.

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REG MAN penetrates GOOGLE'S LAIR

ukgnome
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But what freebies did you get?

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Ever wanted to be a Playmonaut? El Reg's Vulture 2 spaceplane sim reveals what it's like

ukgnome
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When can we buy SPB merch?

I want to shop my support with a stratodangle!

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Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land

ukgnome
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Typical Google

No streetview of the locations you actually want!

Bloody amazing chap - I'm just pleased he didn't have to squeeze gulls for precious sustenance.

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PROOF the Apple iPhone 6 rumor mill hype-gasm has reached its logical conclusion

ukgnome
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I think a lot of people are missing the point on this and are too happy to bash apple.

Currently in you Accessibility settings you can have the flash go off when you receive a message and the like. As the flash is a little harsh it can sometimes be obtrusive, so maybe a pulsing apple is a good addition. Same function, just gentler.

Hmm no tell me, does your android / winphone or blackberry do that?

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New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

ukgnome
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Re: Tom_

This is also my view, the empire may of seemed scary at first but they brought about and end to piracy and trade stability. The Jedi were a bunch of fence sitters, telling people what to do but not actually doing much themselves. Basically they didn't give a rats ass about the massive deaths that they caused by going against galactic peace.

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

ukgnome
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You have cheered me right up

Last weeks article was a bit meh, but this one......hang on I have a text.

Oh, it's nothing. Jeez your nosey, OK it was from my mate Jaime, yeah her, not my wife. She never texts unless she wants milk. My wife that is, sometimes jqaime messages me about pasta, I think that's because I said once I like pasta. I also like breast and painted toenails, does this mean I should ask her next time she's over from America? Oh where was I ....Oh yes, I quite liked reading this on.

Hang on, another text, oh it's a video on iMessage....Hmmm Seems she knows about breasts.

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Oh girl, you jus' didn't: Level 3 slaps Verizon in Netflix throttle blowup

ukgnome
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Re: Verizon can STFU & FOAD, Kthxbai.

Truly it may me the land of the free (they are not) and the home of the brave (more like the make do)

But the fact is the average Joe is continually been fucked by whoever they get there services from. When you have a country as big as the USA it seems that they are more controlled. They don't have the choices of the free and modern world. You only have to look at how much they pay for a piss poor service to realise that the roll out in a smaller country such as the UK is actually great value.

Yes we in the UK will moan about connection speeds and rural fibre, but seriously at least our nation can afford a phone in every citizens hand, and a decent data connection to use.

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German brain surgeon flies in for vital LOHAN operation

ukgnome
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Sysadmin huh?

I hope you're cattle-prod proof

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Running the Gauntlet: Atari's classic ... now and then

ukgnome
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Ahhhh

This cabinet game was a proper bonding game, so many randoms met as a kid down cleethorpes.

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

ukgnome
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Re: Dammit Lester!

Nope - I mean Del Taco, I wouldn't set foot in a Taco Bell.

www.deltaco.com

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ukgnome
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Dammit Lester!

I want a shrimp taco now......why doesn't the UK understand the importance of mexican food?

If I start a kickstarter for a Del Taco where should I put it, and who would want to be in on it.

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Phone charging log helps to convict murderer

ukgnome
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Re: I think there's a moral to be derived from this story

Have an upvote

I have now invested in an android burner phone, erm for testing purposes....@Jedit, you are now my alibi

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DRONE WARS: Killers, spies? Nah, they're IDEAL for snapping pics of hot models

ukgnome
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Hmm can you....

fly them close to a kerb for all those up-skirt shots? - Daily Mail side bar, I am thinking of you.

On a serious note, I like the tech in camera drones, but the invasion of privacy is just a bit creepy. I would much rather that drones just kill and mame, at least you can hate them properly without been tied up in privacy and stuff (OK perhaps not as serious as I had hoped)

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

ukgnome
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Excellent parody

of the what happened next meme, just wish I could remember what the article is about.

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

ukgnome
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Re: Rebekah...

Don't be silly, she doesn't even know what a computer is, although it might be her friends hacking the down vote system.

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