* Posts by ukgnome

1538 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Speaking as a vegetarian....

I totally miss scotch eggs. those piffling things that quorn make are totally crap.

Most of you would think it would be bacon that I miss but it's not, I miss hot fresh scotch eggs (you should only eat them hot)

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'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?

ukgnome
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Ahh robot wars

jeremy clarksons finest work

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It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

ukgnome
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Alien

Bouncy bouncy

all your washing machine sized probes belong to us.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Free and Open

As long as it's our brand of free and open.

And no, I don't mean Russell "lets revolt, parklife" Brand

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Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

ukgnome
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So does this mean

That I will be getting a lower price....nah thought not.

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Google DoubleClick goes TITSUP. ENJOY your AD-FREE WORLD!

ukgnome
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Trollface

Lets do this the old fashioned way

FOR SALE

Microsoft Office 365

Great discounts for students

FOR SALE

Server stuff that has blue LED

FOR SALE

Training course - how to train

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WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

ukgnome
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Re: Your article is in bad taste, Jasper

Now now AC

Don't you know that music taste and tattoos affect the way in which you work?

Jasper himself has a tattoo on his ass of a tattooed ass with a tattoo on it.

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SO LONELY: Woman DARED to get rid of her iPHONE - Apple DUMPED all her TXTS

ukgnome
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Trollface

Excuse me but....

Why would I want to continue text messaging someone that doesn't have an iPhone.

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Most convincing PHISHING pages hoodwink nearly half of you – Google

ukgnome
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When I worked for a University we found that students were quite willing to give their details to any official looking web page.

When we investigated we found that the mimicry of phishing pages were quite good. It would take the spammers and fraudsters about an hour to reproduce a login page once we had made changes. I can see why some of the students and staff were hoodwinked. Having said that it didn't stop me from lecturing them on security.

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Bullish Vodafone barges back into UK consumer broadband market

ukgnome
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Trollface

Yay

I mean, they provide an excellent service at the place I work. What could go wrong.

*Do let me know if you haven't picked up up the sarcasm.

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Bendy, but hangs loose too: Lenovo Yoga Tablet 2 10-inch Android tab

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

Why does it look 90's?

Who beat it with the ugly stick?

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Are open Wi-Fi network bods liable for users' copyright badness?

ukgnome
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Trollface

It's not the WiFi owner

It's bloody Google and their juicy links.

Actually no it's not it's those bloody telco's and their ISP

Ooh maybe not, it's the content providers such as the music, movie and gaming industry

Damn it's every mother lover for providing such juicy content

If you have read these comments then you owe me 25p

*5p will go straight to El Reg

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Online tat bazaar eBay collapses in UK

ukgnome
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Thank Goodness

I was concerned that I my MLP purchases had been lasagned

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Does Father Christmas expect a happy ending with Clara in Doctor Who?

ukgnome
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Re: Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off!

Oh c'mon, a few of the journo types are worth a read. Granted I mean Page, Haines and Dabbs

All the others are a bit meh!

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Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

ukgnome
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Dear Brid

did you actually bother watching the show? Had you been drinking? Even a six year old could understand why CyberDanny had emotions. Ugh, I could go on but maybe it's best that I simply ignore your drivel.

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Ex-NSA lawyer warns Google, Apple: IMPENETRABLE RIM ruined BlackBerry

ukgnome
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FAIL

And in other news.....

A great way to deter burglars is to have no front door and keep a list of all the expensive goods you own on a pin board in the hall.

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Poll: Yes, yes, texting while driving is bad but *ping* OH! Hey, GRAB THE WHEEL, will ya?

ukgnome
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Joke

I find reading and responding to texts a right nightmare. 70 MPH on a motorcycle makes it far too challenging.

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Eye laser surgery campaigner burned by Facebook takedown

ukgnome
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FAIL

Sooooo........

Right wing hate mongers that openly mock facebook are OK - yes you Britain First.

but

Left wing campaigner who warns people of what can go wrong with corrective surgery isn't.

One has link bait and traffic generating to it's pages and another has an occasional visitor. Seems like a marketing decision to me.

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Why Comrade Cameron went all Russell Brand on the UK’s mobile networks

ukgnome
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I was going to suggest that we mount relays on lamp posts like some sort of ad-hoc P2P mobile network....And then I remembered that my pleasant rural village doesn't have lamp posts.

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Spaceplane fan sips sweet nectar from LOHAN's copious cup

ukgnome
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Re: Nice

the 5g is used to get the yeast all excited - it would be odd if it stated add 995g to container...presumably

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ukgnome
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My mug is a virgin

And forever will it remain so.

It currently holds my torque drivers, a finger skateboard and a solid silver dolphin for a charm bracelet that I have made. I think I should probably add a pen.

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Got a spare $600k? Then an ancient Apple-1 could be yours

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Pah - That's nothing

Wow wolfetone you're kinda awesome.

I say an obvious joke and use the joke icon and you use is as a way of attacking Karen Brady.

If I grow up I want to be just like you.

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ukgnome
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Coat

Re: Re-writing history

hur hur - wang

hur hur

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ukgnome
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Joke

Pah - That's nothing

I have an original Amstrad emailer, and it's been signed by that bloke off the apprentice. At least I think it's him, the signature is a bit weird, it could say sugar, could say sucker.

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Apple patents AUTOGRAPHS. Checkmate, eBay

ukgnome
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That is the dumbest thing

Just what the actual fuck?

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'You have no right to see me NAKED!' Suddenly, everyone wakes up at the Google-EU face-off

ukgnome
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Re: Actually

beaten to it.....Paul Nemitz might be a hottie.

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Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Cheap dig

Wow - bare chested horse back riding is homoerotic?

I'm disgusted! I've been masturbating to that.

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Intel: A tiny video drone? Disguised as a BRACELET? Great! Take half a million dollars!

ukgnome
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I would of thought....

Whisper quiet take off, flight and landing would of been more impressive. AND it could circumvent drone law.

......TAXI!!!!!!!

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Would you recognise the Vans shoes logo? Neither would Euro trademark bods

ukgnome
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Re: Skate shoes?

They do in my plaice

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Me GIVE you $14 SQUILLION gadziddly-DILLION

ukgnome
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Trollface

May I suggest

a spam competition.

You set up a spam catching mailbox and we, the fine folk. (Well the fickle folk) will construct our finest lies and deceit.

I would be keen to see what spam could be should we ever step into the dark side.

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Clara goes to the dark side, with dark secrets revealed in Dark Water

ukgnome
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You tell me.....

....if you understand the half of it.

Ok pay attention - the time lords have a technology called the matrix. Yes like that one but they got there first. It's a hard drive for people's souls. The time lords use it as a repository of knowledge.

I'm not used to you write in a balanced way Brid, so you caught me off guard. I think that's the least trollish thing you have written.

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Facebook lifts Tor ban, touts encrypted onion access point

ukgnome
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Colour me cynical

but doesn't this actually mean - we have sorted out with the Feds and the NSA a way in which we can monitor and track the "anonymous" users.

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Trolls pop malformed heads above bridge to sling abuse at Tim Cook

ukgnome
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Unhappy

ugh

I commented yesterday that this was 1950's news, it seems some of the fine folk on the internet never received the memo.

Taking a pop at someone on the internet is dumb, be they Muslim, Gay, Black, Ginger.

Or Gay Black Ginger Muslims.

So well done trolls, once again you have highlighted your awesomeness.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Welcome to the 1950's

were a persons sexuality is news!

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No nudity, please, we're GAMING: Twitch asks players to cover up

ukgnome
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Trollface

But....

What about my right to bare arms?

Shirley this is against some basic right?

etc etc

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Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth

ukgnome
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But what was the specific gravity?

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How iPad’s soft SIM lets Apple pit carriers AGAINST each other

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: let me get my crystal ball out..

"This might all back-fire on Apple. Let me string a few 'ifs' together."

Doh, silly - that would be

if if if if if if if if if

or maybe

if-if-if-if-if-if-if

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Reg hacks see the woods or the trees In the Forest of the Night

ukgnome
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Re: I'm looking forward

aagghhh again my crappy iPhone has changed my text, and as I use the app on the weekend I can only blame the app.

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ukgnome
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I'm looking forward

to El Ref's take on those other programs that has been running for 50 years or more.

Although I doubt blue peter and panorama provide the same sort of trollish link bait.

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Breaking records: Google exec in terrifying SKY PLUNGE DRAMA

ukgnome
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Playmonaut

who knew they came in human size. Lester just needs to scale up Lohan and have this chap mount her.

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Zuckerberg bombshell: Man married to Chinese woman speaks Chinese in China

ukgnome
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Presumably so he can pay no tax there as well

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Whisper tracks its users. So we tracked down its LA office. This is what happened next

ukgnome
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That's by kind of journalism

Bravo, simply bravo - although lets be honest having your HQ in venice is possibly why they never opened the door. I've been there, it's not the nicest. In fact I would go as far to say it's scummy.

If I had of known at the time about whisper and the way it uses data then I would of joined the journo. It would of made my time on the coast more appealing.

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Whisper chief: 'We're not infallible but strive to do right by our anonymous users'

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Government sponsored

we are spying on all our users - hey it's in the T&C

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Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots

ukgnome
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Re: I'm done with it...

I'm with you. Not only are they rubbish reviewers but I think they are possibly rubbish journalists too.

Time for the intrepid 3 to start flipping burgers for the Golden Arches. That way they might find a few taxi drivers that care for their drivel.

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Sign off my IT project or I’ll PHONE your MUM

ukgnome
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Special

it takes a special type of person to carry out UAT.

I've yet to meet one.

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Careless Whisper? Anonymous messaging app accused of stalking users, blabbing to Feds

ukgnome
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This sounds like a government sponsored app that's used to collect data in an innocuous way. If that's the case then it's a clever ruse. I'm not a tin foil hat wearer but it is a bit creepy.

I have used the app when it came out and found it a bit creepy (I use a lot of social media) , there are are a lot of people using it as hook up app as well as a lot of people using as a way of posting coded messages (speculation). You just have to look at whispers Twitter feed to see some of the things they cream from the whisper feeds.

Anyone that thinks selecting Anonymous will obscure there identity is a douche, even on here the vulture knows.

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Will.i.am gets CUFFED as he announces his new wristjob, the PULS

ukgnome
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DAF?

More like naff.

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Prehistoric swingbelly KANGAROOS were TOO FAT to jump – scientists

ukgnome
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Pint

Drunken gait?

Hop?

Oh -------------------->

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Vodafone does it in two places at once: Carrier aggregation to boost 4G

ukgnome
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Re: "Research justifies the sexy bits, so we'll ignore the bread & butter stuff"

You are indeed correct. But this isn't just a Voda issue.

I realise that it's my choice to live in the middle class village near the Norfolk Broads but I shouldn't have to stand on a raised platform waiting for a magic one bar just so I can forward my mobile to the land line.

I live in one of the flattest parts of the UK but ALL mobile providers services are totally shit.

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Right To Be Forgotten in the US: Americans wanna be like EU-oo-oo, says watchdog

ukgnome
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Trollface

Hey USA

If you wanna be more like us it's not too late to embrace the union.

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