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* Posts by ukgnome

1266 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Privacy International probes GCHQ's mouse fetish

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Re: They destroyed this kit because.....

That's what they want you to think - it's all part of the conspiracy

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ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

They destroyed this kit because.....

It was all NSA standard kit that had been in the Guardians offices since 911 and they have been harvesting and implanting data every since.

How else can you explain all those misspellings in the stories they publish.

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Look, pal, it’s YOUR password so it’s YOUR fault that it's gone AWOL

ukgnome
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No end of Sharepearean sonnets will protect me from eBay’s lead windows or a Ministry of Defence civil servant leaving his laptop in a taxi.

Is that a deliberate error? Or an open source bard?

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EBAY... You keep using that word 'ENCRYPTION' – it does not mean what you think it means

ukgnome
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FAIL

I am going to wait 3 months before commenting on this, and even then I will let the BBC do the commenting for me.

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eBay says database leak dump offers are fake

ukgnome
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Joke

I am so pleased eBay are on the case, I feel a lot safer knowing this.

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Are you senior enough to sit around a table with The Register?

ukgnome
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Joke

What about us plebs? I have a box of throwing eggs and everything!

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BRITS: Wanna know how late your train is? Now you can slurp straight from the source for free

ukgnome
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Re: Branch line woes

Abellio Greater Anglia don't care....I consider you lucky that you get a bus replacement. I have never had one for the Norwich to Ipswich commute.

Some days it would be quicker walking, although hopefully the freight loop that goes live in Ipswich should \ could alleviate some of the delays.

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ukgnome
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Hopefully this will be used to kick the crappy services into touch. I foresee lots of user generated pretty graphs and tables all showing what we already know. Greater Anglia are the worst company...but you may disagree... in a barrel full of turds it's hard to find the best turd.

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Rival BT sics ad watchdog on EE: ASA growls at 'most reliable broadband' claim

ukgnome
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"most consumers" are indeed complete idiots, and at least 200 of them work in the same office as me...

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E-cigarettes help you quit – but may not keep you alive

ukgnome
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I quit with e-Cigs (sorta)

It's been over a year since I bought a packet of tabs or some baccy.....yay go me.

However, I do vape, it's like my pal, he's always with me and I like to suck on him.... OK maybe I should try that again...

I replaced my 20 - 40 a day habit with a PVD and not an e-Cig, I found the ones that look like a cigarette a bit pointless. So I invested in a normal looking refillable vape pipe. The thing is I din't stop there, mainly because of the modding community. So now I vape what can only be described as a hybrid mix of sonic screwdriver and wizard wand. It looks more star trek than cigarette. And I didn't stop there, I also mix my own juices using confectionery flavours and have saved about £50 by buying my PG and VG from a chemical factory that produces food grade additives. So what I hear you say, and I totally agree with you, so what indeed. The thing is I understand the the need for regulation, as the flavours are all food grade, you have to be careful what you out into your body. And I have actually quit smoking? No and Yes....I inhale my nicotine in a whisp of vapor rather than breathe in a toxic soup. The only smoke I inhale is a particular plant matter, and I do that through - yep you guessed it, a dry herb vaporiser that fits a few of my wizard wands.

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Microsoft’s 'FIRST NOKIA' arrives at £89

ukgnome
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is it just me...

But this smells of copyright infringement....times 2

the colours look sort of iPhone 5C territory

the capacitive back home and search buttons look a bit Androidy

Is anything original these days?

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Brits to vote: Which pressing scientific challenge should get £10m thrown at it?

ukgnome
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Re: Science education...

*double sigh*

Can we get this straight, please?

Homeopathy lacks biological plausibility and the axioms of homeopathy have been refuted for some time.

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iPhone-stroker-turned-fandroid sues Apple over iMessage text-slurpery

ukgnome
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Trollface

When you send an iMessage it is sent encrypted, it's not Apple's fault that this lusers Samsung cannot decrypt it.....

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Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, er, Samsung Galaxy S5

ukgnome
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Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

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Job for IT generalist ...

ukgnome
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Reputation

It's a difficult one, but I found doing the contractor rounds very good for building my reputation. What's that company X, can I sort out your Citrix gateway?......Yeah of course I can.....and hope for the best.

Because of this foolhardy way I have applied myself I have found that I often get (got) contracts that were a bit above my mixed skill set. Although I have for the past two years started a full time in-house role. I don't get as much cash, but at least I know I can feed my family and stuff. I guess it's about money, and how much you want.

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Apple, Google: WE SURRENDER ... to each other in patent war truce

ukgnome
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Joke

Can you hear that?

It's the sounds of a popcorn company going bust...

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Real, hovering SPEEDER BIKE can be YOURS for cheaper than a house

ukgnome
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Re: The ugliest looking thing since........

hey! I drive a froggy and she's lovely...this on the other hand needs killing with fire.

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Boffins run iOS apps on Android hardware

ukgnome
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ooohhh arrrrr oooohhh arrrr aaaay - shurely?

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Surprise! Google chairman blasts EU's privacy ruling

ukgnome
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Mushroom

What bugs me

Where will this erosion of history finish?

You can't just go around deleting history, now if it turns out that the search result in any way is false then fair enough. Surely we have to be a bit responsible for our actions.

Is the idiot driver that killed my brother-in-law going to ask for that court filing to be removed, because Nigel is dead and it was a few years ago? Why should it be removed?

Should that picture of me with the two strippers and the big bag of surf be expunged because I want to work in finance?

It's not up to the EU to make the rules, and what about all the other search engines? Won't this stop development of other browsers because it's suddenly got more expensive? And then what about data that isn't stored in the EU but involves an EU citizen?

Clearly it's not workable, and clearly this stupid decision needs challenging.

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Stop bullying SUPER FAT GODZILLA, urge movie stars

ukgnome
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You think he's fat? You should see what Bay has done to Mecha-Godzilla....

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Nintendo says sorry, but there will be NO gay marriage in Tomodachi Life ... EVER

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: It's just a fecking computer game folks!

NO!

All computer games now need to be rainbow flavoured...

Splinter Cell shall now be sphincter cell...

Doom will be re-branded with rainbows and be called Happy

And Microsoft Train Simulator will now have tighter tunnels....

Yes, I am been a bit sarcastic, but that's because it's just a friggin game.....

*I am more concerned with pokemon, but you don't see the ALF protesting!

**An El Reg, we need a sarcasm icon please!

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UN to debate killer drone ethics

ukgnome
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When the chips are down

You have about 30 seconds to get out of the area whilst the droid reboots.

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Amazon granted patent for taking photos against a white background – seriously

ukgnome
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Joke

Hahahahahahaha you now owe Amazon a quid ------------------>

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Apple pulls iPhone 4 from sale in India after just four months

ukgnome
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@ Andy Prough

A) same as everyone.

B) same as everyone.

C) I usually spot sony, and now windows and their stupid surface devices, hardly ever apple.

D) same as everyone

E) That's not actually true, but just like everyone they pay very little.

F) Use green and conflict free materials, leading the way with investment and hopefully turning around the manufacturing companies to a better more sustainable way.

Sorry, have I left anything out?

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Ninten-DON'T: Wii U bomb blows Mario Kart giant off track – but new console promised

ukgnome
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I think there is a difference between a family entertainment console and a games console.

Nintendo's problem is mainly the press. If you get several sites slagging it off because they are basing the experience on the xbox or ps then it's hardly surprising. I guess they are too honourable as a company to grease the palms of the reviewers.

I realise that makes me sound cynical, but it's the truth.

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Spain clamps down on drones

ukgnome
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Re: How can it be banned .......

It's a bit like some corporate firewalls that I have worked on.

If it's black listed then you can't access it, and you can only access things that are on the white list.

if it isn't on either list then you still can't access it and have to ask the nice firewall people if you can access it.

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Potato in SPAAAAACE: LOHAN chap cooks up stratospud with Heston Blumenthal

ukgnome
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Joke

He's quite weird isn't he?

No wonder he's part of SPB

*obvs this is a joke, I would never, NEVER, disrespect anyone in SPB. They can build drones and stuff.

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Cold War spy aircraft CRASHED Los Angeles' air traffic control

ukgnome
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They have 6 weeks and 1 day.......

.....to sort out that sh1t

or I'm.......actually I want to visit the states, so I had better not finish that sentence

#Spartacus

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Tesco to tout its own smartphone – now THAT'S an unexpected item in the bagging area

ukgnome
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Gimp

@ MJI - Far too creepy Tesco

So where do you buy your sex toys?

And why are you buying so many?

*enquiring minds want to know

**and so do tesco too

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El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse back on the bacon

ukgnome
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Next Year

Please can we have more notice?

As I would happily take part...

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Bill Gates: Sell off Bing? Nah. Xbox? Maybe...

ukgnome
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Joke

I didn't understand what Bing was

I had to google it.....

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Symantec: Antivirus is 'DEAD' – no longer 'a moneymaker'

ukgnome
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Re: What Symantec did AV?

have an upvote +1

If I had a pound for every time I had to kill a symantec process then I would have a lot of cake.

Also I would still have my small business and possibly a better car.

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Scariest NSA revelation yet: Spooks are RUBBISH at CIPHERS

ukgnome
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Big Brother

It was deliberate

El Reg doesn't want to work for the secret squirrels.....

*at least that's what they want you to think!

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OUCH... right in the Androids! Google hit by another antitrust sueball

ukgnome
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Re: Bing Bong

I'm pretty sure my 5s carries out all it's browser searches using Google.

Not sure about Siri, it's ghastly

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Please work for nothing, Mr Dabbs. What can you lose?

ukgnome
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F' 'em Dabbsy

I don't work for free, I would even charge my Mum for IT assistance.....granted it's usually a cup of coffee and a nice crisp tenner.

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Chinese iWatchers: Apple's WRISTPUTERS ALREADY in production

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: You will need

no, I am pretty sure those magic headphones that he describes are called bluetooth

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Teen jailed for ARMED ROBBERY says he and pals had been inspired by Grand Theft Auto

ukgnome
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Alien

I think his defence is valid....

I have built a massive gun that can fire projectiles, it runs on rails and for protection I have 3 houses that will happily absorb laser blasts from nefarious aliens.

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Stone the crows, Bouncer! BT defends TV recorder upgrade DELETION snafu

ukgnome
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Re: I'm no Murdoch fan but...

Agreed - Sky has just totally overhauled the EPG and front screen - the whole shebang...not a single bit out of place.

Heck, hiding behind DP annoys me somewhat.

I'm glad I am not a TV customer, and only receive my slightly shoddy broadband from them.

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NASA's Curiosity rover set to give Mars its THIRD HARD DRILLING

ukgnome
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Re: Suspicious

Space gypsies?

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The Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh challenge: What's the point, exactly?

ukgnome
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Shit the bed!

That sounds particularly nasty......

It's not going to stop me moaning about the hayfever I am currently battling, but it will get me chucking another quid or two in the hat.

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FCC seeks $48K fine from mobile phone-jamming driver

ukgnome
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entitlement perception

On my way to work today I had to point out that the light had turned green, but the women on her phone didn't seem to notice, and then she acted all butt hurt when I yelled get off the phone!

*I was a smug pedestrian at this point in my journey.

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Marauding quid-a-day nosh hack menaces teepee hippie villages

ukgnome
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Is it foraging still if......

you re-purpose little salts and peppers in there sachets from popular fast food places?

whilst foraging for salt and pepper you eat fries from the floor?

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A real pot-boiler kicks off Reg man's quid-a-day nosh challenge

ukgnome
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Re: fecking labels that you are meant to remove

Top Tip - mayonnaise......yes the white slippery stuff

Coat the sticker in large blobs of the stuff and leave for a couple of days - et voilà...

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ukgnome
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Fry me a river

those eggs look near damn perfect!

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Chap builds mobe based on Raspberry Pi

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: @ daniel

Dude - this isn't XDA, maybe they will help you with your projects of awesome androidness.

Now bog off!

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ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: @ daniel

I only come on here to ready the daily mail readers comments....

Seriously dude, all that anger isn't worth it. And as for your droid tablet....That's not going to cure world hunger is it? But pie on the other hand....What, oh Pi....nope that won't either. And Resistive? Seriously dude! shaking my head....

Now pass me the popcorn - its the food of trolls y'know

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Reg hack hacked off by iPhone 5 repair notice

ukgnome
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Coat

So.....

you didn't upgrade to a 5S - who feels stupid now? Maybe you would like to phone me and complain.....Best of luck waking your phone up loser

*the one with the 5S in the pocket....

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El Reg posse prepares for quid-a-day nosh challenge

ukgnome
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A meagre amount added in the jar from me - now dance monkeys dance!

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LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

ukgnome
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You see, that's what I like about El Reg - it may be an embittered meany at times, but Lester's comment shows that underneath the vultures feathers beats a heart of fluffy loveliness.

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David Cameron defends BT's taxpayer-funded broadband 'monopoly': It's a 'success story'

ukgnome
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Maybe I am the only one......but

Other companies had a chance to bid.

Other companies decided not to.

BT became pretty much sole supplier.

Therefore it must be BT's fault.

Hmm - dammed if they do, dammed if they don't.

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