* Posts by ukgnome

1431 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

'Bill Gates swallowing bike on a beach' is ideal password say boffins

ukgnome
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FAIL

People Are Sometimes Sexy When Occasionally Robot Dancing

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EE TV: Network snubs 'Auntie's antique' for mobe-happy set-top box

ukgnome
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So is it just a tenner or a tenner monthly?

Because £10 for a 1TB drive sounds cheap.

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Dot-gay told it's NOT gay enough – but web'll be officially .eco-friendly

ukgnome
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Hmm, has El reg bagged .vulture?

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Chap runs Windows 95 on Android Wear

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: nice

I wish I could down vote myself for the typo - I should know better to use my phone.

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ukgnome
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Re: nice

@Rabbit80

You must me new around here.

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SHOW ME the MONEY: Payment code spied in Facebook Messenger

ukgnome
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Alert

Re: How to use the Facebook Messenger app

WOW - do all you down voters work on a helpdesk?

I find your lack of knowledge quite incredible, and some of your opinions are backward to say the least.

Apps on phones need to know what the device is doing for a start.

If it's to use any function of the phone then it needs access to them. A developer doesn't need to write a service for handling text messages when the phone OS already has that, they don't need to write a service to launch the dialler, attach photo's operate the camera etc etc.

However, I understand why some of you are scared, worried, afraid. The simple thing for you to do is grab some tin foil and fashion a hat. Maybe wrap your phone in some and think of a different career choice. I hear the golden arches are recruiting.

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ukgnome
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Re: How to use the Facebook Messenger app

It doesn't know who's calling you, but it does recognise when your phones in use.

This can be used for several reason, the main reason is for when you use the integrated phone feature, so that you can phone your friend from the app.

If your friend has trusted their number to FB then you can buzz them from the app.

these permissions are the same or very similar to most other messaging apps, including WhatsApp, Snapchat and Instagram.

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ukgnome
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Re: How to use the Facebook Messenger app

Then you need to understand how apps work.

There isn't anything sinister in the permissions.

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BT's consumer mobe network suffers tech snags – but telco denies delay claims

ukgnome
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I'm full of confidence

After the way they have handled my ongoing broadband fault.....

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Verizon punches RED button on Redbox Instant video-streaming service

ukgnome
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Re: Redbox kiosks too?

I doubt they would kill the kiosks, they are well used for movies and games - UK folk think lovefilm postal service but a vending machine instead of post.

Hopefully someone like tesco in the UK will start a kiosk service, or maybe even redbox themselves. It's needed since the death of blockbuster.

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My employer, comply with data protection law? Don't think so – say 3 in 4 office drones

ukgnome
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You can't do that

its against data protection laws.....

I'll bite, paragraph and subsection is always my reply. That's because almost everyone doesn't actually know what the DPA is. Heck, I've worked in so many environments were I need to know and I refer back to various law sites.

It comes as no surprise that most offices fail, as most people in offices learn about data protection from a business trainer that parrot fashions something that sounds similar to it.

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What’s the KEYBOARD SHORTCUT for Delete?! Look in a contextual menu, fool!

ukgnome
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It's the IT sixth sense

I see dumb people.

You need to teach the youth Dabbers, they know such things from early on. Although to be fair the space bar on my iPhone keyboard does have space written on it.

I can imagine the glee you have when trying to explain my the return key is called so.

I worked in a typing pool, that's why I know, maybe you need to get them on a pitmans course.

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OMG!! With nothing but MACHINE TOOLS, STEEL and PARTS you can make a GUN!!

ukgnome
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That's a well researched and written article. Occasionally Lewis does write one.....(only minor trolling)

I was having a discussion about this on line the other day. As I used to be a member of a gun club before all guns were deemed too evil. There standpoint was that bullets ripping through flesh must be terrible, and perhaps shooting the crap out of people was bad. And I agreed, my friend indeed had a point, in fact he had a quiver of them. Archery is much more fun, it doesn't make a loud bang and the poundage on his bow would cause some serious damage as it fired a pointy stick at you (through you)

The actual proportion of people with guns that shoot people is relatively small, unless you watch the news or read the papers.

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DVLA website GOES TITSUP on day paper car tax discs retire

ukgnome
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Now they have cocked this up

Is anyone wanting to use the direct debit service that starts next month?

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ukgnome
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We are currently experiencing high volumes of traffic to our online vehicle tax service

And they say the government don't have a sense of humour

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TEEN RAMPAGE: Kids in iPhone 6 'Will it bend' YouTube 'prank'

ukgnome
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Re: Norwich has an apple store?

Not so, America has some great cider. For some reason though they call it hard cider. Usually when they say cider they mean apple juice.

I had a few in California and it was surprisingly refreshing, although they didn't understand putting ice in it.It was a shame I was strapped for time as I wanted to pose outside a Cupertino HQ drinking a pint of rough. Maybe next time, for some reason I would like to get moved on by security there.

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ukgnome
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Re: Norwich has an apple store?

Norwich Township is located within the County of Oxford in the heart of Southwestern Ontario.

Please tell me it has an Ipswich 40 miles away but you don't like them because they all drive tractors.

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ukgnome
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Pint

Re: WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Also love the Norwich register readers troop that this thread has revealed.

I may not be native, but I do have an NR13 postcode, I kinda guessed that all folk wouldn't mind the ribbing.

This isn't a lager it's a pint of Fat Cat ------------------------>

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ukgnome
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Re: WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

and cider

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-21443973

Mind blown.......again!!!!

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ukgnome
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WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

are you telling me......that.........Norwich has an apple store.......

Mind blown!

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EE coughs to BROKEN data usage metrics BLUNDER that short-changes customers

ukgnome
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>He added SMS alerts tell customers when their data allowance has hit 80 per cent usage. A second text is then sent once all that data has been gobbled.

This happened to me, well the massive missing data available did, no text or anything. Although the nice chap at EE added a wedge of free data when I phoned up and asked him where my allowance had gone. The weird thing is he didn't acknowledge an issue, and confirmed that according to his system the allowance was indeed missing.

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BENDY iPhone 6, you say? Pah, warp claims are bent out of shape: Consumer Reports

ukgnome
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Re: Headline should read "Note 3 Twice as Strong as iPhone 6"

>You can be certain that Apple will wriggle out of repairing / replacing these sub-standard efforts.

Yeah, Apple never recall products or admit issues with batteries or power buttons or anything like that, so bending would fit into this category. Except of course if you have an iPhone 5 for power buttons and batteries or a 5s for battery.

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CURSE YOU, 'streaming' music services! I want a bloody CD

ukgnome
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I am a bit late to the comments this week - is it now I shout Stupid fucking cunting bollocks?

Oh, and I use Tesco's Blinkbox for music. It downloads for off line play and I now have an eccentric mix of some of the weirdest stuff ever.

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Google hits back at 'Dear Rupert' over search dominance claims

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

Can we have a google doodle with the OO as bOObs?

obvs ----------->

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Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city

ukgnome
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Erm

I thought Bass did this in their Burton brewing facility, Although not to this scale.

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Pop open this iPhone 6 and see where the magic oozes from ... oh hello again, Qualcomm

ukgnome
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I know it's boring

but this could help cut down insurance fraud. Now if only we could work on fake receipts and improve bullshit detectors.

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Plucky Playmonaut parties as LOHAN hits Kickstarter goal

ukgnome
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The second thing I do in the morning is check Kickstarter.

I squealed like a girl this morning

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Damien Hirst, eat your heart out - these guys chop up TAXIS

ukgnome
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Coat

These chopped up taxi's aren't just shit

They are uber shit!

*the one with the London A to M in the pocket

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Driving with an Apple Watch could land you with a £100 FINE

ukgnome
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OK several things that I simply must vent at.

The police cannot currently catch people using mobile phones, how long has that been in force? In fact the last dick head to cut me up on my motocycle was on the phone, this was three days ago. I instantly recognised that the pillock was a police officer, he had kindly labled his car as such. He didn't like me much when I reminded him that he shouldn't be on the phone, and when he got a little bit cocky and aggressive I pointed out that all his actions are on film.

Glancing at a watch is no more distracting than glancing at the dash, spedo, odo etc.

However, I suppose it depends what's on the watch. Technically driving with a satnav stuck on your windscreen is also illegal but the old bill don't seem to care much for that.

As for IAM, I thought that was cat biscuits.

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Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS

ukgnome
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Re: Sufficient lift?

I was actually pondering the same thing myself, and I am sure that this was computed.

But every time I try and think I remember stratodangle and for some reason that makes me smile, I like the word stratodangle.

If the worst does happen then just remember that falling is just flying to the ground really quickly.

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Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen

ukgnome
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The region lies at the top of the comet

How do you work out in space which is the top of anything?

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LOHAN tin-rattles to a whopping £27,000 on Kickstarter

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: only my opinion

It would still be a shed project if the Spanish types had allowed the precious permits.

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Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: At the risk of being downvoted to hell

Erm, that was the point, I know it's Monday but please try to start with humour.

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ukgnome
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Re: Phones4U

Hmm I think it's time for an update.

Maybe that should be the next weekend editions Big Data piece

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ukgnome
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Re: At the risk of being downvoted to hell

Try working out what that is after Two Years!

£50PM = £12000

£75PM = £18000

Wow, that was easier than I thought, and I did it without a calculator.

Of course your idea of how much a contact costs is way off the mark, but don't let facts get in the way of your posting.

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The Apple Watch and CROTCH RUBBING. How are they related?

ukgnome
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Re: Friday afternoon?

Erm it's the weekend edition, it's like the register but on a weekend. There was a memo, if you didn't get the memo then you obviously don't stop by enough.

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It's official: LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm is PANTS

ukgnome
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Pint

I'm glad that LOHAN has PANTS

Beers all round

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Hacker publishes tech support phone scammer slammer

ukgnome
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Well done that man

-------------->

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Scottish independence: Will it really TEAR the HEART from IT firms?

ukgnome
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so......

If Scotland leaves the union and there is a stipulation that all helpdesk calls will be answered by someone in the UK what happens to the helpdesk?

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Apple's big bang: iPhone 6, ANOTHER iPhone 6 Plus and WATCH OUT

ukgnome
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I guess that

I am the only person that wants a watch.

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IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

ukgnome
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Thanks Weekend Edition

I have just had to explain to Mrs Gnome why I was laughing. I tried to explain that's Dabbsy used to be a Friday thing but he now lives in my pocket at the weekend. She had a read and then declared, is it everyone it IT that's like this?

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Alien Ninja Fembot Pirates vs the Jedi SAS Chuck Norris startroopers: RUMBLE

ukgnome
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Special something or other

Am I the only one that read the SBS as SPB and was wondering how Lester and gang could fare, and then I remembered oh yeah drones!

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Vote NOW for LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm acronym

ukgnome
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Angel

Re: I'm Sad

Totally surprised - I know you SPB guys are fuelled on bacon baps and strong tea.

Yeah -------------->

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ukgnome
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I'm Sad

that my BAPS didn't make the short list.

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4th Century GOBLET could REVIVE CORPSE of holographic storage

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: Help me Obi-wan Kenobi...

gramme?

What has a unit of mass got to do with it?

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The BNP can rip off your works for ‘parodies’ – but only if it's not racist

ukgnome
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But the good news is......

Oh hang on there isn't good news. The likes of Britain First will be on this ruling and peddling hate in a comedic hey it's a parody way.

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Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

ukgnome
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Dad? is that you?

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Hot Celebrity? Stash of SELFIES where you're wearing sweet FA? Get 2FA. Now

ukgnome
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Terminator

Brute Force Attack

That's so 90's

Obvs ------>

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Ofcom will not probe lesbian lizard snog in new Dr Who series

ukgnome
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All these complaints and....

Not one about the size of the bloody dinosaur!

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EE plonks 4G in UK Prime Minister's backyard

ukgnome
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Oooh not long now

and I might enjoy 2G speeds at my rural retreat on the Norfolk Broads......hahaha who am I kidding, none of the operators have managed to get anything other than patchy reception between Salhouse and Acle.

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