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* Posts by ukgnome

1117 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

iSpy with my little eye: Apple wants to track your every move

ukgnome
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Seems logical, why have a drone to tell you prices and events if your iShiney can do it for you

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SuperStride Me: Reg hack spends week working at 'treadmill desk'

ukgnome
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Joke

OK, I want one - this IT lark is just so pedestrian, so I might as well make like one.

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Show us your Cook: Size is everything for Apple iWatch fans, apparently

ukgnome
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Gimp

I'm a recent Apple convert and can I just say

Squeeeeelllllll!!!!!!!!!!

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El avión Buitre 2 rinde homenaje a nuestros amigos españoles

ukgnome
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Mi aerodeslizador es lleno de anguilas

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San Fran tech hub wants hookers and hackers for Halloween

ukgnome
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samhain !

Not Halloween, All Hallows' Eve or bloody trick or treat day!

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Why Bletchley Park could never happen today

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

That's what they want you to think!

*Paris, because that's what she thinks, at least she thinks that what she thinks.

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The Reg undergoes a Twitter makeover: Come join the squawk

ukgnome
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Coat

Twatter?

isn't that what yorkshire people drink?

*It's not a coat it's Yorkshire Jacket

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UK.gov open to hiring EX-CON hackers for cyber reserves

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Yeah, lets employ criminals to carry out criminal acts in the name of Gov

Maybe knife crime types can become butchers

Muggers can become doormen

etc etc etc.....

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Ryanair boss Mike O'Leary hits Twitter: 'Nice pic. Phwoaaarr!'

ukgnome
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Re: Backfire

It would add fuel to his fire, but it seems that there has been an issue with refuelling. Therefore the plain, the fuel and the fire have all been delayed.

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NHS preps spammy mailshots advertising 'BIGGEST medical data grab in HISTORY'

ukgnome
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As long as....

They keep the database for themselves and don't sell access to it to anyone. As I wouldn't want the world knowing about my "light bulb" moment.....and I don't mean having an idea!

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All cool kids' phones run ALTERNATIVE alternative custom Android ROM

ukgnome
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Re: @Bullseyed

Why not click on my name and see, rather than guessing you turnip

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ukgnome
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Gimp

This is why I am leaving Android

I used to be a committed fandroid, heck I have so many droid devices, but enough is enough.

Simply too many devices, too many flavours of OS.

I don't want to have to hunt and research for the best user experience. I want a device that works, and receives regular updates. That even when the handsets are refreshed the latest software is delivered.

That's right folks, I am buying an Apple, I will be a fanboi....

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Murdoch calls for world+dog to 'expose' Google

ukgnome
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Dear El Reg

Please don't draw peoples attention to this claw fisted cock juggler.....

*Dear lawyers, you will note that I haven't actually mentioned which one....Oops (that should work)

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Mac fans: You don't need Windows to get ripped off in tech support scams

ukgnome
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Meh

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ukgnome
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Devil

I haven't had one of these jokers for a while. But I always have fun when they call. Amongst some of my time wasting tricks are.

1. Loading up my riot soundboard, I let them do there "work" until I get bored and simulate either a police raid, or house invasion.

2. From memory I follow there instructions and pretend I am a bumbling oaf....My record is 47mins...

3. I sometimes engage them in chat, and then tell them my life story, about how my wife has just left me. The death of my child. My lust for indian men.....

Am I going to hell?

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OAR-some! 18ft SEA SERPENT discovered off US coast

ukgnome
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Kwazi, Peso, Barnacles, Inkling, Dashi, Shellington, Tweak, Tunip!

Octonauts at ease, until the next adventure!

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EasyJet website crashes and burns

ukgnome
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That's like saying I prefer to be kicked in my right testicle instead of my left.

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Google's latest ad push gives LONE LAWMAKER the creeps

ukgnome
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Trollface

Right, that's it!

I'm changing my profile picture to an arse.....

*some would say I already have

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

ukgnome
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Trollface

But on the plus side

It's now easier to delete emails from the android app.

Seriously that's all that I do these days. Yahoo is the spamiest mail provider anywhere

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Printing the Future: See a few of UK’s 6.2 million 3D-printed ‘things’

ukgnome
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Yes, but is it art? Photo

I don't know about art, but those dildo's in the cabinet behind made me laugh.

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Apple ban win: Now you can't buy Samsung gear no one was buying

ukgnome
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audio-jack insertion and removal??????

You can patent that?

I'm filing a patent for bum wiping...I will make 7 billions in no time. Andrex, you will bow down to me.

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Oz government knew about PRISM BEFORE Snowden leaks

ukgnome
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Oh my golly gosh

I've just learned that bears defecate in the woods

AND

The the pope, leader of the catholic church is himself a catholic.

Soon you will be telling me that Julian Assange is weird

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Microsoft: Oh PLEASE, HTC. Who says Windows Phone can't go on an Android mobe? – report

ukgnome
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Trollface

Hmmm, I like iOS but I don't like Apple devices

I like Android, but wish it was on a nokia..

Windows on a mobile.....nope

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

ukgnome
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Ahhh the glow of modernity

I remember when you could have a fag on as you pottered around a filth strewn shop. How things have changed. Now we are in the clutches of modernity. But this shouldn't make us complacent, the drones that work there are bad enough. However......the automated tills of which you speak are just windows XP boxes running an ill-fitting touch screen. Although having said this, ED-209 was once a mini cooper....

What I am trying to say, is get used to the robot rebellion..

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BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?

ukgnome
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When I got this job....

I was asked as part of the bullshit interview questions what I'd spend my cash on.

My reply was cake, although the interviewees also said that wild women, ale and porn is acceptable.

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Doctor Who to land on the BIG SCREEN and in 3D in November

ukgnome
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But....

Is it going to be shown on ISS? Or the secret moon base for that matter......

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Congrats on MP3ing your music... but WHY bother? Time for my ripping yarn

ukgnome
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@ Stevie, Roo and Bongojoe

Fellow audiophiles I salute you!

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ukgnome
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Wrong Again Mr Dabbs

The process is simple: want music, get music, put music in magic box, listen. Why mess about with that?

You try getting hold of Radio gnome by gong - oh damn, just googled and it appears quite easy....well it won't have weasel ripped my flesh my Zappa - oh for gods sake, it appears that you can get that too. Seems you can even buy Monolith by Amebix....

So why do I still have my massive LP collection of rare oddities.

Apologies Mr Dabbs.....seems you could be right (let the downvotes begin)

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Barmy Army to get Wi-Fi to the seat for cricket's Ashes

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

2 Things I love

Technology and Cricket

El Reg - I salute you, not many sites could combine both

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BOOGIE BALLMER: Steve Dirty Dances at tearful Microsoft leaving do

ukgnome
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They've turned off Balmer

Lets's hope they don't turn him on again

*in honour of the last IT crowd - Ch4 9pm

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Reg readers! You've got 100 MILLION QUID - what would you BLOW it on?

ukgnome
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Like most posters

http://www.firebox.com/product/4893/Project-Utopia

Tank full of sharks, fricken laser head mounts as standard

http://www.firebox.com/product/5440/World-rsquos-Most-Expensive-Vacuum-Cleaner

http://www.firebox.com/product/5435/Hoverwing-Flying-Hovercraft?via=related

http://www.firebox.com/product/4907/Electric-DeLorean-DMCEV?via=related

And a big fridge - any change to be stored as bullion

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MPs slam bumpkin fibre rollout, demand halt to further £250m cash spaff

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: @Roland6

I think you will find that it's is God that provides this free community service...

But as the chuch is next to the sub exchange it may also be BT

Obvs ------>

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ukgnome
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damn, I am about to defend BT....what has become of me?

I am moving house soon, into the countryside....Lucky me...

And I think it's awesome that they have fibre....I can still stream and chat and all that sort of stuff that modern living has. Safe in the knowledge that the dozen houses and a pub with building restrictions all around me can also enjoy this. Average speed as the exchange is shared by neighbouring villages is around 10MB...but if it becomes congested I can switch to the churches free 2MB wi-fi....

This is all made possible because BT asked some nice farmers if the could dig a small trench...

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Apple Maps directs drivers INTO path of ONCOMING PLANES

ukgnome
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Video Game Generation

This happens all the time on video games. Maybe we have been desensitised to normal road and traffic conditions. Just the other day I found myself jumping over pipes....etc etc

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EasyJet wanted to fling me off flight for diss tweet, warns cyber-law buff

ukgnome
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A bit of a non story

Plane delayed, person peeved.

They should try the train service provided by Greater Anglia.....

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Full Steam Ahead: Valve unwraps plans for gaming hardware

ukgnome
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Interest has been perked

I don't want to boot up old dusty to play games, and I don't what an xstation364 under my telly box either.

This looks very promising...

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Fan whips out own pair of iPhone 32Cs, 'unlocks' mobe using breasticle

ukgnome
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It seems that you can buy an iPhone, but you can't buy classy.

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There's ONE country that really likes the iPhone 5c as well as the 5s

ukgnome
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This isn't a surprise...the iPhone is cheaper in the USA

$658 USA price from amazon.com for an unlocked iPhone 5

$807 UK price from amazon.co.uk for an unlocked iPhone5

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E-book him! Entire Judge Dredd back catalogue gets iDevice treatment

ukgnome
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Hoojie Paloojie it's a beautiful day

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'Bogus IT guys' slurp £1.3m from Barclays: Cybercops cuff 8 blokes

ukgnome
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What I find hard to believe is that the USB ports were open. At the insurance firm that I provide IT support for this scam to harvest data wouldn't work. It's more locked down that a prison.

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Our sensational rocket ship Vulture 2 REVEALED: LIVE at 3pm

ukgnome
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Dammit stupid firewall - stupid corporate firewall

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WHY do phone cams turn me into a clumsy twat with dexterity of an elephant?

ukgnome
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Oh Dabbsy, I can call you Dabbsy can't I? Actually I don't care.

You are putting your head into the apple tree again aren't you. But lets remember, it's not just Apple that sucks at pictures, it's android too.

Just, it doesn't seem to be win-okia, they take lovely pictures. OK OK I'm trolling - I guess a phone with a camera is still a phone, and a camera with a phone is a camera. If you want to take pictures, then maybe get a camera.

Incidentally I like your photo's, but only because they are slightly worse that mine.

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Fanbois shun 'crappy plastic' iPhone 5C

ukgnome
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The 5c is still a great phone

It's just fugly and too expensive.

But if I had the cash I would buy a green one.

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First look: Apple iPhone 5S and 5C

ukgnome
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OK - here is my tuppence worth

I am beginning to like apple products....I know, I'm a total fandroid so this comes as a shock.

However, I don't want to spend that much money. Even the 4s has held onto a commanding price. With Android you still get the full user experience on a cheap phone.

If Apple didn't hold it's price so well then it's a no brainer. I'd have one in a heartbeat. What's that I hear you say? Get a second user unit. Or you're a clever bod, get a broken one and mend it.

Even second hand units go for more than they should, as do broken ones thanks to the way insurance fraud works.

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Live now: LOHAN igniter test flight

ukgnome
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Is it wrong

That watching the live feed I have the Milky War theme of red car and the blue car had a race driving through my head?

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ukgnome
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Excellent

The sites are not blocked behind this corporate firewall.

Hmm, can I legitimise the websites with the client.

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Google driver flees after Street View car crashes

ukgnome
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C'mon ElReg

We haven't had a playmobil reconstruction for a while.....

Reconstruction or it didn't happen!

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Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

ukgnome
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Devil

chavs, rappers and hoes

I can't help but agree with Dabbs

Now this may get downvotes, and I don't give one single fudge.

The iPhone used to be about style, design. It had a sexy chic all of its own. It helped reinvent the mobile phone. And whilst I am not a fanboi I do appreciate what they did. But enough of the same old shit painted different colours. I now buy phones that are not readily available in the UK, phones that look good and are quirky, phones that scream nerd. And apple simply do not scream nerd, they scream herd.

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TWO can play this 64-bit mobile game, says Samsung, crossly

ukgnome
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ARM

Whilst the ARM chips are great, I do wonder when the cheaper MediaTek chips that are prevalent in the Taiwan markets will rise.

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ZTE Open: This dirt-cheap smartphone is a swing and a miss

ukgnome
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Yeah, it's not great, but....

Are you looking for a phone that is Orange?

Do you want it to be sub £100

Would you like front and back camera, and an app store?

Then you need the Lenovo A660, sure it's Android ICS, and yes you might have to fiddle with putting on a modified ROM to get the experience that you like.

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