* Posts by ukgnome

1568 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

David Cameron: I'm off to the US to get my bro Barack to ban crypto – report

ukgnome
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Utterly pointless

Doesn't this smell unconstitutional? Isn't this against human rights?

Whatever next? banning slang, talking, double seats on busses, congregations, gyms, clubs. pubs.

Fuck I could go on, you have never needed encrypted messaging to plan an attack. You can actually meet and discuss in person, or over the fucking phone. Hell, for all we know (pass me my tin foil hat) some commentards on here could be using code words to assist the ne'er-do-wells in carrying out some explosive mischief. This sort of bullshit posturing is pointless and actually detracts from sensible anti-terrorism. And why does this fucking clown want to ban something? Yep, that's right. He wants to ban something because less that 1% of people want to blow up shit and kill people.

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$500 TEDDY BEAR teaches tots to spit up personal data

ukgnome
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This appears to be a solution looking for a problem.

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Apple v Ericsson: Yet ANOTHER patent war bubbles over

ukgnome
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Ericsson ???

Is that still a thing.

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DANGER: Is that 'hot babe' on Skype a sextortionist?

ukgnome
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Playmobil reconstruction please

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Cash'n'Carrion launches big January sale

ukgnome
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Just give us back the bloody BOFH stuff!

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Grand Theft Auto 1997: 'Sick, deluded and beneath contempt'

ukgnome
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Chinatown wars on iPhone is a must for anyone wanting some nostalgia.

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Icelandic brewers knock up whale 'nad beer

ukgnome
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Joke

Yummy

I like my WhAle with a panda top.

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Professor's BEAGLE lost for 10 years FOUND ON MARS

ukgnome
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Alien

What they won't tell you is it has a hole blasted in it and burn marks on it's hull.

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This $10 phone charger will wirelessly keylog your boss

ukgnome
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That wouldn't work on me

I don't use a wireless keyboard

AND

I usually type gibberish

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You go fast, but we go 'further' and 'deeper' – Voda tells 'Speedy' EE

ukgnome
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When they can actually deliver to such remote places as the Norfolk Broads I might set off a party popper. Until then - MEH!

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Last year was utter rubbish. Thanks for being part of it!

ukgnome
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Hmm I am on to you Dabbs

That was cleverly written to put us off from the fact that you are actually responsible.

I almost fell for it and then you made the spiderman 2 quip.

That totally gave you away.

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Anonymous vows to avenge Charlie Hebdo massacre by blitzing jihadist sites

ukgnome
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Oh do me a lemon

These twats with guns are no more muslim that I am.

They do not represent the religion just like anonymous do not represent me.

This sort of tit for tat bullshit is playing into the hands of far right lunacy. It's about time people got a grip.

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World's largest ship swallows 900 MEGATINS of baked beans

ukgnome
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Pint

El Reg needs more informative articles of this nature.

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LOHAN sponsor Pulse-Eight: Supplier of hi-def TV to dogs

ukgnome
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Re: Good timing

Must be something in the water, as I too was just looking for this sort of solution.

spooky

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Snowden leaks lack context says security studies professor

ukgnome
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Re: I'm sorry but

and my cocks a kipper!

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ukgnome
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I'm sorry but

I am no longer buying into Snowden. The drip feeding of info and the like is just too convenient. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

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Ladies and trolls: Should we make cyberbullying a crime? – Ireland

ukgnome
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We have named it Banteroll - part banter part troll

Me and Mrs Gnome chatted about this sort of thing, and when is a troll not a troll, we both agreed that there should be some retribution.

We basically arrived at this - a troll is a malicious twat except when they are trolling a friend and then it becomes banter. It's racists to say nigga even in an ironic sense if you are anything other that a black american. And then you can call anyone you like one and it's fine, because like banter it has a massive contradiction attached. Calling someone gay is fine, because gays don't actually care either way, although the person that has been called gay might but it's ok as you can claim it's banter. We couldn't agree were trolls started or were banter started, as something funny to one person (banter) is deeply offensive to another (troll). We did however decide on one thing.

Katie Hopkins is a troll and should be ignored,

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Apple's 16GB iPhones are a big fat lie, claims iOS 8 storage hog lawsuit

ukgnome
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Re: Would you be more specific.

No

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ukgnome
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Dumb

some people are dumb

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Sony-blasting Lizard Squad suspects quizzed by UK and Finnish cops

ukgnome
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Not connected but funny (well it mentions lizards)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krsj2bcnRlM

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Zuckerberg asks the public to tell him where to go in 2015

ukgnome
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How about.....

he has to continually be surrounded by breast feeding mothers so that that he's desensitised enough not to get his site mods click ban happy.

Or he has to spend a day a week in A&E looking at gore so he spends all that time recoiling in horror.

*sorry thought this was mumsnet

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Apple in 2007: Who wants a stylus? Apple in 2010: We want a stylus!

ukgnome
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Re: Err

Sorry Stuart14 but you have released this into the public domain without first filing for a patent.

Bloody amateurs!

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UK retailers in TABLET PRICE SLASH BONANZA

ukgnome
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Re: Big name no guarantee

>>now the OS burns up battery even when it's off

Have you been drinking? Read that back for me.

You've been drinking haven't you!

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Robox: How good could a sub-£1k 3D printer be?

ukgnome
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I Think

these earlier generation printers are niche at the moment.

But in ten years it will be the replicator that we all want.

Although I don't think it will be plastic that we are printing.

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BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street

ukgnome
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Spare a thought

For those of us on call with no way of actually getting to the factory if our phone rang.

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Doctor Who's tangerine dream and Clara's death wish in Last Christmas

ukgnome
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Oh sweet fuck

a rehash of Amy's choice with a smattering of sci-fi rips offs. The only believable things was Nick Frost's Santa. It was the worst of series eight. And the included deep breath. A 1/10 non starter.

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Ghosts of Christmas Past: The long-ago geek gifts that made us what we are

ukgnome
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Happy times

I still fire up my tractor, and I use spirit and not one of these new fangled solid fuel ones.

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Hilton, Marriott and co want permission to JAM guests' personal Wi-Fi

ukgnome
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expensive hotel wireless?????

You guys are going to the wrong hotels.

Or maybe I am going to the right ones.

I have never paid for WiFi in a USA hotel but have been rinsed for cash over in blighty.

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Shock! Nork-grating flick The Interview WILL be in cinemas – Sony

ukgnome
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>>threatened September 11th-style attacks on anyone who went to see the film.

Turkish army defeated at the gates of Vienna?

Convention of Annapolis opens with the aim of revising the Articles of Confederation?

U.S. marines invade Honduras? (these could be the one maybe)

Death of Janet Parker, war photographer, final victim of smallpox (very sinister)

Biggest one-day plunge on Wall Street?

This is just a snapshot of ON THIS DAY stuff, please can these hackers be a bit less cryptic?

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Privacy-loving BOXING KANGAROO BIFFS DRONE out of the sky

ukgnome
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this story has fish and chips on it!

Excellent - I want my tech news three days later please.

Don't you guys check out buzzfeed occasionally?

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GCHQ: We can't track crims any more thanks to Snowden

ukgnome
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Re: So before Snowden...

Well, there are two ways of looking at this.

They are not been spied on, so it's quite OK to chat about this activity in the open.

They are been spied on, so those spy police types will already be running a decipher so lets just chat about this in the open.

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ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: A modest proposition

No offence taken

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ukgnome
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Re: Can they not use their powers for good?

There is so much wrong with that suggestion that I don't know where to start.

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BT takes broadband to NEW PLACES. That's right: CITIES

ukgnome
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Re: Up?

have a +1

Up speed is as important as down - and there is money in it too.

All those cloudy storage solutions for pictures of cats, dogs in bow ties and bratty kids.

If I had a good upload speed then I would of already bought 1TB of clouds.

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Google's first stab at control-free ROBOT car rolls off the line

ukgnome
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I was talking to my six year old about robot cars. He had a very modern outlook.

Me - do you think they are a good idea?

Him - Yes, some people can't drive or are far to old to be driving.

Me - some people are scared that they aren't in control though.

Him - then we just teach them that it's OK

Me - who will own the car and maintain it, refuel it?

Him - they will have robot garages that will take care of all that, they will own themselves.

Me - some people might not like it.

Him - some people don't like cabbage but we still grow it.

This technology is for his generation, but has to start with ours

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Careful - your helmet might get squashed by a VOLVO

ukgnome
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It's the ass hat cyclists that want to overtake cars and motorcycles that are the problem.

Here is a hint cyclists, if I have a flashing orange light on the right hand side of my motorcycle, and I am positioned in the centre of the road and sort of half way through overtaking a bus, then what the actual numb fuck are you doing trying to overtake me.

I get that you can nip and zoom, terrific. But please remember that safety is your responsibility too.

Oh, and wear a freaking helmet you helmet!

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Hackers pop German steel mill, wreck furnace

ukgnome
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Re: Breaking News

> More importantly, why the fuck does a furnace NEED to be connected at all????

It's not fun been this hot and lonely, that's why

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Welsh council rapped for covert spying on sick leave worker

ukgnome
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Re: @Joey M0usepad - f'wit in residence

Whilst the troll has obviously eaten well just before Christmas he has a point (of sorts)

It is very difficult to tell if someone is suffering from anxiety or stress by reading their facebook status, and likewise meeting them in the street.

Mental illness isn't like a broken leg or botched boob job. It doesn't have a visual indicator normally. So yeah, the whole hiring of a PI is a pretty useless exercise.

Sorry to hear you have bouts of stress fruitoftheloon, I know that shits real and not many you tell will ever come close to understanding. I wish you good days, fuck the retards!

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ukgnome
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Re: Early Stage?

The thing is a lot (not all) have a protected income with regards to sick leave. And there is no maximum, or if there is a maximum it's never hit.

The working regulations in the UK are quite different so it wouldn't be a great idea to compare them. As such we don't get sick time (at least I don't)

What I do get though is 30 days holiday, not including public holidays. Paid time off for doctors appointments and a very understanding company that would never dip into facebook to see if I am swinging lead. And NO drug tests!

This is less about privacy and more about productivity. I suspect that we only have a small portion of this story.

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Reviewed: LittleBigPlanet 3, Lara Croft's latest raid and more

ukgnome
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FAIL

Seems Lara Croft is a big breasted anorexic.

I know it's a game but it's a bit crass and hardly a great advert.

Games developers do know that girls play games too, right?

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France says 'non' to UberPop

ukgnome
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Re: Paris in a taxi - never again

Paris taxi drivers are a fun breed.

I have never been so enthralled, scared and thrilled all at the same time.

If you have the pleasure can I suggest a slightly drunk one, you won't regret it!

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HUMAN HAIR will soon be FOUND on MOON: Brit 'nauts aim for SPAAAACE

ukgnome
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Re: celebrity rockstar physicist Brian Cox

Lets be clear here - D Ream is not a rock band.

therefore Prof Cox has never been a rockstar.

Dr May has been a rock star - maybe Brid-Aine Parnell is getting confused.

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ukgnome
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celebrity rockstar physicist Brian Cox

rockstar?

ROCKSTAR?

what blithering halfwit thinks that?

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BT to gobble EE for £12.5bn – BTEE phone home

ukgnome
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And meanwhile in the Norfolk Broads we still cannot get a phone signal.

*strictly speaking not true, but I am so fed up of climbing the 30ft scaffolding tower to text my mum.

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El Reg's mighty rocket spaceplane Vulture 2 arrives in US of A

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

I don't mind the big box

obvs --------->

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Uber surge pricing kicks in during Sydney siege

ukgnome
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Re: Erm...

Just don't put it behind a paywall - that's illegal now in Blighty.

And a question - is this a siege like in Alpha Papa?

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Swiss McDonalds serves up no-holes-barred cheesy action to punters

ukgnome
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It's nice that hamburglar still has a job

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Are you a Geek Dad/Uncle/Mum/Aunt? Ten Techy Gifts for kids this Xmas

ukgnome
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I find myself

shopping for solids of constant width and its 0730 on a Sunday.

I'm sure this has meaning.

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Real Ale TWATS: In SPAAAACE, no one can churn your cream

ukgnome
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I skimmed the article

all te mention of beer distracted squirrel

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BOFH: Capo di tutti capi, bah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI

ukgnome
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I give it a week

It won't last. Gina will soon end up been arrested for fraud.

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