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* Posts by ukgnome

1402 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS

ukgnome
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Re: Sufficient lift?

I was actually pondering the same thing myself, and I am sure that this was computed.

But every time I try and think I remember stratodangle and for some reason that makes me smile, I like the word stratodangle.

If the worst does happen then just remember that falling is just flying to the ground really quickly.

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Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen

ukgnome
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The region lies at the top of the comet

How do you work out in space which is the top of anything?

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LOHAN tin-rattles to a whopping £27,000 on Kickstarter

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: only my opinion

It would still be a shed project if the Spanish types had allowed the precious permits.

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Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: At the risk of being downvoted to hell

Erm, that was the point, I know it's Monday but please try to start with humour.

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ukgnome
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Re: Phones4U

Hmm I think it's time for an update.

Maybe that should be the next weekend editions Big Data piece

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ukgnome
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Re: At the risk of being downvoted to hell

Try working out what that is after Two Years!

£50PM = £12000

£75PM = £18000

Wow, that was easier than I thought, and I did it without a calculator.

Of course your idea of how much a contact costs is way off the mark, but don't let facts get in the way of your posting.

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The Apple Watch and CROTCH RUBBING. How are they related?

ukgnome
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Re: Friday afternoon?

Erm it's the weekend edition, it's like the register but on a weekend. There was a memo, if you didn't get the memo then you obviously don't stop by enough.

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It's official: LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm is PANTS

ukgnome
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Pint

I'm glad that LOHAN has PANTS

Beers all round

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Hacker publishes tech support phone scammer slammer

ukgnome
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Pint

Well done that man

-------------->

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Scottish independence: Will it really TEAR the HEART from IT firms?

ukgnome
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so......

If Scotland leaves the union and there is a stipulation that all helpdesk calls will be answered by someone in the UK what happens to the helpdesk?

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Apple's big bang: iPhone 6, ANOTHER iPhone 6 Plus and WATCH OUT

ukgnome
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I guess that

I am the only person that wants a watch.

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IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

ukgnome
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Thanks Weekend Edition

I have just had to explain to Mrs Gnome why I was laughing. I tried to explain that's Dabbsy used to be a Friday thing but he now lives in my pocket at the weekend. She had a read and then declared, is it everyone it IT that's like this?

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Alien Ninja Fembot Pirates vs the Jedi SAS Chuck Norris startroopers: RUMBLE

ukgnome
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Special something or other

Am I the only one that read the SBS as SPB and was wondering how Lester and gang could fare, and then I remembered oh yeah drones!

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Vote NOW for LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm acronym

ukgnome
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Angel

Re: I'm Sad

Totally surprised - I know you SPB guys are fuelled on bacon baps and strong tea.

Yeah -------------->

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ukgnome
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I'm Sad

that my BAPS didn't make the short list.

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4th Century GOBLET could REVIVE CORPSE of holographic storage

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: Help me Obi-wan Kenobi...

gramme?

What has a unit of mass got to do with it?

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The BNP can rip off your works for ‘parodies’ – but only if it's not racist

ukgnome
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But the good news is......

Oh hang on there isn't good news. The likes of Britain First will be on this ruling and peddling hate in a comedic hey it's a parody way.

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Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

ukgnome
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Dad? is that you?

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Hot Celebrity? Stash of SELFIES where you're wearing sweet FA? Get 2FA. Now

ukgnome
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Terminator

Brute Force Attack

That's so 90's

Obvs ------>

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Ofcom will not probe lesbian lizard snog in new Dr Who series

ukgnome
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All these complaints and....

Not one about the size of the bloody dinosaur!

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EE plonks 4G in UK Prime Minister's backyard

ukgnome
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Oooh not long now

and I might enjoy 2G speeds at my rural retreat on the Norfolk Broads......hahaha who am I kidding, none of the operators have managed to get anything other than patchy reception between Salhouse and Acle.

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Nearly there! LOHAN Kickstarter pot o'gold breaks £29,000

ukgnome
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Re: Use this to bribe the Spanish official who is blocking this...

I don't think you can use Kickstarter for bribes, can you?

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EE accused of silencing customer gripes on social media pages

ukgnome
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If you can find

the quick easy option to complain about service or lack thereof then you get a gold medal.

EE doesn't have a status page telling you about faults, when you dial 150 you get a convoluted menu system that seems to be all about money and not about rectifying an issue.

However, you need to keep on at them, complaint handlers will give you a direct dial or email address that filters to a case handler. Although you have to fight them, and you should need the hassle.

I was able to to get 20% off my bill for the time I am with them as I stuck to complaining. But it took a month and made me a bit angry. Although i never swore when speaking to them, but I did heap on the sarcasm, and did quote snippets of their own statements back at them in a totally snarky way.

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Our LOHAN spaceplane ballocket Kickstarter climbs through £8000

ukgnome
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I've just pledged

And on Thursday I am guesting on a scifi podcast and am hoping to promote LOHAN as my geek pick of the week.

This damn ship will fly!

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US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

ukgnome
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Re: hypothetical

I never mentioned the dog had copyright, but rather couldn't be seen to break any copyright laws for the same reasons as he couldn't hold copyright.

If an animal cannot claim copyright, then it cannot infringe copyright.

*as of now my fish are downloading snide copies guardians of the galaxy, and bugger me they are actually burning them to disc. I have decided not to stop them, because if I interfere with what they are doing then I am an accomplice. I just hope they don't sell them at a car boot fare.

**sarcasm, obvs

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ukgnome
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hypothetical

So, lets say I let my guide dog into the cinema with me, and he happens to be wearing a camera. As long as he is in a US cinema then I cannot be done for copyright infringement when he films the blockbuster that I am going to see (listen to)

Did the primate in question pop to the Amazon shop (yeah I know) and purchase the camera?

Also, if I stole a camera (or my guide dog) and we took photo's and then handed it back and the owner won a competition with the photo's that I took, then would he be infringing any rules? It seems to me that the Americans have sided with the Americans, who would of thunk it?

**I don't have a guide dog, but I see a scam on the horizon

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The Register Monopoly Pubcrawl Mobile Map: VODAFONE WINS VOICE

ukgnome
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I do hope Simon isn't double parked in that picture.

That's like a forfeit or something!

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LOHAN gets laughing gear round promotional mug

ukgnome
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Re: Complaints

Totally agree - bloody whine whine whine

Suck it up commentards, when kickstarter goes live I expect to see your grubby mits stuffing Lester's thong with fivers!

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Football legend Gary Lineker in TWITTER POO TROLL SCANDAL

ukgnome
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Re: So why isn't his nickname...

it possibly is, as his middle name just happens to be Winston.

Not funny, but truth seldom is

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ukgnome
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Jeez internet, just let it go.

I mean, who hasn't done that......

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TV transport tech, part 2: From sofa to server at the touch of a button

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

I'm Sorry

I tried my best to get through the whole first article and failed.

Today I managed just page one.

I love the detail, and appreciate the work that has gone into it, but this needed to be a mini series and not a magnum opus.

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Just in case? Unverified 'supersize me' iPhone 6 pics in sneak leak peek

ukgnome
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Re: @credas

If you was an iPhone user then I am sure you would understand, other phones seem clunky by comparison. So whilst the budget model (and I use that term loosely for the c) is a cracking phone the actual cost for the top of the range model is worth it.

Please refer to the Top Gear Porsche argument.

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ukgnome
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Re: About what it's worth...

I've used a 5c for about a year, and as a slightly camp straight man I am totally in love with my yellow apple. Software works, it has a good amount of storage and the camera is bloody good. Would I but the S? Absolutely, the c was great for people like me that wanted one but didn't want one. The 6s will get my money because I want want, and I want the best one.

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Tesla: YES – We'll build a network of free Superchargers in Oz

ukgnome
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Trollface

What's the betting that my quiet Norfolk broads village gets a supercharge station before fibre to cabinet?

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LOHAN packs bags for SPACEPORT AMERICA!

ukgnome
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give me the damn kickstarter link already!

I promise cash for stuff!

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Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3

ukgnome
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Camera

"making this a decent device for Skype calls or quick snaps when out and about, if swinging about with a 12-inch screen does not put you off"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Tablets should not ever be used for photography, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER.

In fact a law should be passed that permits you to smash it out of the wielders hands.

**Oh and it's too pricey

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EE: STILL Blighty's best mobe network, says 'Frappucino' Moore

ukgnome
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Re: Train Reception

Hasn't Dave PM said he wants 4G masts along the rails so he can keep tabs on the populous or summink?

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Vulture 2 takes a battering in 100km/h test run

ukgnome
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I wonder if Mrs gnome would let me bolt a space plane to my MPV?

Jolly well done all ---->

Oh, and did you decide on your tree protector backronym thing?

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UK fuzz want PINCODES on ALL mobile phones

ukgnome
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Big Brother

It's simple, what we all need is a DNA lock.

Then we wouldn't need a PIN, and the thieves would need a vial of blood or summink.

Oh hang on............I think I have just legitimised police assisting people down the stairs.

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

ukgnome
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Trollface

I pay my council tax, so answer the damn question already!

How many times has sacrifice come up as a legitimate answer for getting housing approved?

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You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

ukgnome
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I think the main issue is that if you are giving a presentation these days then the audience of tie wearing free sandwich munchers assume that that you are a project leader. And we know how supremely awesome they are.

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Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

ukgnome
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Coat

which harvests energy from body fluid like sweat

Like sweat huh? So a million boys bedrooms will have self powering flash-lights soon?

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EE network whacked by 'PDP authentication failure' blunder

ukgnome
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This latest cock up has resulted in the following txt

Hello. The 4GEE phone plan you've moved to doesn't come with an inclusive add-on. You can buy a content add-on by visiting .......

Hmm I think they have not told the whole story.

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Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Rainbow Braces at Half Hast

You see Ork is a planet. You follow the Big Dipper til it comes to a dead end then you hang an up.

*and anyone that wants an IT angle, then just check twitter, I like to think that Robin would me smiling at the fact that the numbtards have mixed him up with Stokes Robbie #Angel

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

ukgnome
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@I ain't Spartacus

Maple syrup eggy bread with peanut butter and cheese (extra mature) it's simply awesome

Pancakes or waffles with cheese and fried egg is also for the win.

Basically we should go into business as potato croquettes are the king of potato breakfast items, unless you are sitting down to an Olympic at little chef.

As for vege products, basically quorn all the way if you can handle the incredibly loud farting afterwards. Fake bacon is OK, but only if you like the taste of frazzles. If you are having a vege fry up then have everything else in a bigger portion size and side step the meat.

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ukgnome
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Re: So basiclly,

"biscuits and sausage gravy"

Oh, you mean scones, except the way you have them is more akin to a cobbler.

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LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

ukgnome
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Bypass Arbour Protective System

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Fanfare of trumpets as LOHAN reveals mission patch

ukgnome
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Pint

So it's definitely helium then?

What am I going to do with with all the shares in hydrogen?

And when can we buy merch?

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EE rolls out London bus pay-by-bonk app – only fandoids need apply

ukgnome
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Devil

Oh, I see

next question - why the fuck would I want to be in London?

And does Uber halio do an app for the buses? with all these leaps of technology I am totally confused.

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ukgnome
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What the fuck is a london bus?

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