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* Posts by ukgnome

1283 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

ukgnome
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Excellent parody

of the what happened next meme, just wish I could remember what the article is about.

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

ukgnome
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Re: Rebekah...

Don't be silly, she doesn't even know what a computer is, although it might be her friends hacking the down vote system.

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ukgnome
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Like so many comentards...

Why doesn't this wanker fuck the fuck off.

*for American readers, Wanker simply means a masturbater. If that doesn't sit well with you then please think of Rupert as a claw fisted cock juggler

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

ukgnome
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In honour of spaced

T.F.U

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French telco takes on US rival Netflix... with whose dongle?

ukgnome
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We still are getting fleeced, just by a multitude of ways.

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New Doctor Who episode leaks online as proper trailer debuts

ukgnome
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Whilst I have no experience I do fancy living in Miami, and I hold an excellent data retention record. In fact I am so tight with data that no one gets any emails!

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

ukgnome
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Picbum

is such a disappointment, if Dabbsy is going to advertise things then I expect much much better.

No wonder he's all miserable, someone should kick him in the glasshole, and then snapchat it or summink!

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El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

ukgnome
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Is it wrong that I like to see ladies with pipes?

And does it have a particular name?

*Mrs gnome has a pipe that I insist she chews on when she is doing her degree work, well now she's on her forth I figure she has every right to be boffinised.

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Elon Musk to fund Tesla museum with 'ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS'

ukgnome
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Pint

I used to think that Musk was a massive cock....

And then he gave his patents away, and built a rocket, and actually turned out to be a decent chap.

AND NOW THIS! Any donation to open a Tesla museum gets my vote and yet another reason to give the guy a hug.

If they ran a web campaign to help the funding I would actually give a few quid, I have a massive soft spot for the father of the modern world. This has made Friday a bit better.

Hey Musk, I'm buying you a cold one -------->

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Verizon points more fingers at Netflix: It's YOUR pals slowing data

ukgnome
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Trollface

This is simple plumbing....

poor water pressure but massive drains for effluent.

I guess Verizon totally enjoy taking the shit and leaving their customers unwashed.

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Ham-fisted farmer fear: A peanut-butter-and-iPhone sandwich

ukgnome
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Coat

Would this make it a Kellogg phone?

Tasty Fruit and Fibre?

*I'm going, and I didn't have a jacket, I just sorta dropped it at work.

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'Ribbed' for your pleasure: Jony Ive unveils NAKED IPHONE

ukgnome
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Re: Seal

Whenever I see Seal i now think of the french for seal.

hey, it makes me laugh!

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New Bluetooth tech lets you control 4 BILLION lightbulbs at once

ukgnome
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will this create inner city dogging, no park required?

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Printed diode can slurp power from phone signals

ukgnome
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is it only me....

that sniggers when they read PNAS?

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Doctor Who season eight scripts leak online

ukgnome
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Re: Top Gear

I can believe that, after all my comments are written by a team of egotistical ramblers

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ukgnome
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Alien

Makes you wonder what other data the BBC accidental give away.

I smell NSA interference, Snowden was right or summink

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Dubai to get HUGE climate-controlled DOMED CITY and giga-mall

ukgnome
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It will be called Mega-City and will be policed by judges

*perhaps

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It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

ukgnome
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Joke

Re:Computers don't have safe words

oh, but my computer does have safeword, and I am buggered if I can remember the phrase

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Fridge hacked. Car hacked. Next up, your LIGHT BULBS

ukgnome
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Paddy McGuinness

lights out, all out

*I'm going, the one with the wind up torch and tinfoil hat

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Storm-battered Rockall adventurer recalls 'worst experience of my life'

ukgnome
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This dude eats Bear Grylls for breakfast.

Respect due!

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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

ukgnome
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@ h4rm0ny

Towering thug? Threatening manner?

Not my experience at all, recently in LAX the first thing the chap said was "did you know spain is out of the cup?" this exacerbated me, as I am not a footy fan. Followed by, "you haven't said where you are staying" Once I had explained that I couldn't legitimately answer the question as my US lady friend had arranged the accommodation he just smiled, wrote with a sharpie on the form that I was staying at the airport and wished me a great time.

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

ukgnome
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Trollface

I am sure that TFL or rather the London black cab drivers would rather have the uber drivers parked on the flight deck

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

ukgnome
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Facepalm

My Dad - that is all

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iPhone user SHAMEGASM: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

ukgnome
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vagina dialling

"'ere, some C*nt keeps prank calling me"

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London officials won't take Uber to court – because cabbies are suing the drivers anyway

ukgnome
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Re: Or they could consider joining the first part of the 21st century...

most of the transactions were under £10 and the effective commission rate was 30%???

Not these days, a terminal that plugs into your iPhone costs £60 and only charges 2.7% for any transaction.

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

ukgnome
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Not one mention of.....

1. cake

2. girls in inappropriate dress

3. occasional jaunts to very scary chemical plants

4. free coffee

Therefore, with regret I cannot join as your subby - also I have very little experience.

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE DNS outage

ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

Re: Suspect Much ?

helicopter what? You can't see it? And you never will, until it's too late

Mwah hahahha

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Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

ukgnome
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I'm thinking it's either Scuzzlebutt or Manbearpig

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YouView loses YourView trademark fight, may have to pick new name

ukgnome
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Joke

I hear that Nasa is suing Apple - because ISS sounds a bit like iOS

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Supermodel Lily Cole: 'I got a little bit upset by that Register article'

ukgnome
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@ John Smith 19

Oh......nope, still nothing.

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ukgnome
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Trollface

Nope, Sorry!

Never heard of her, even after a google I am none the wiser.

Maybe she could use hard earned tax payers money to raise her profile.

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GCHQ to share threat intel – and declassify SECRET inventions

ukgnome
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Re: Bullshit!

And here was me thinking this had the smell of public relations and marketing. - My mistake.

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British boffin tells Obama's science advisor: You're wrong on climate change

ukgnome
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Re: Mathematician vs. a "Real" Scientist...

I thought that meteorologists were just physicists with umbrellas, and pure mathematicians were just physicists in sandals.

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The cute things they say

ukgnome
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Facepalm

University Help desk

user - my email won't work

me - yes, it's become compromised and is sending out spam

user - I didn't do it.

me - have you answered any of these (phishing) emails

user - Yes, was that wrong?

me - blah blah phishing, blah blah security, blah blah why it's dumb, trust no one etc

user - OK got it, I was dumb

me - so to get your email working I just need your credit card number and security code.

user - sure 4566 7899 9988 9287 - and security 674

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'Hashtag' added to the OED – but # isn't a hash, pound, nor number sign

ukgnome
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Trollface

Has anyone thought to.....

ask Stephen Fry?

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Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

ukgnome
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I refuse to read this

....and will simply wait 2 years until Mr Dabbs is ill.

*welcome back tecnotart

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Spaceplane design nipper Ariadne gets a promotion

ukgnome
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Sooooo........

Does this mean the Register will be opening a shop to sell this tat? How about a tat shop that gives to that there malaria charity?

Because I would have a cup, and a car sticker, a bonnet sticker wrap and also some motorcycle helmet stickers (notice I specified motorcycle)

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Soccer Football in SPAAACE! ISS 'naut nails zero-G bicycle kick

ukgnome
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regulation pitch sized?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/rules_and_equipment/4200666.stm

The length of a pitch must be between 100 yards (90m) and 130 yards (120m) and the width not less than 50 yards (45m) and not more than 100 yards (90m)

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Greenpeace rejoices after getting huge renewable powerplant CANCELLED

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Oh Lewis!

Maybe you could tell the full story rather than just the 33% you have actually written.

Sometimes I feel that you actually like the way your inbox fills up.

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Swiftkey: We just want to be free - Apple didn't bump us

ukgnome
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Unhappy

My fingers are too fat for swipe keyboards, and my accent too northern for talk to type apps.

I need a P.A.

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Frikkin' LASER BEAMS on its head: Formlabs announces Form 1+

ukgnome
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erm it's all well and good but...

Can it print me a tasty cake?

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Mobe-orists, beware: Stroking while driving could land you a £4k fine

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: GOOD

The clue is - Dual Carriageway and Bus

I realise you were probably too busy texting your facebook or something to notice.

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Stephen Fry MADNESS: 'New domain names GENERATE NEW IP NUMBERS'

ukgnome
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I actually blogged a similar thing a couple of years ago, I like that Mt Fry likes tech, I like cricket and have very strong opinions on it. I will comment on cricket too, and sometimes I will even blog about it. This however doesn't make me a cricketer, and any cricketers out there could quite easily take some sort of trentsbridge with what I say.

Give the guy a break.

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Facial recognition tech convicts man in Chicago robbery case

ukgnome
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Re: "Zoom in just there..."

Can we get a clearer angle?

Sure, we can just pull it from that reflection!

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Look inside ELON MUSK'S CAR! Tesla S wundervehicle has voom

ukgnome
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Re: "The 125kW Superchargers work much more rapidly than the existing charging infrastructure.."

Well if a Tesla charges to full in an hour, and a leaf takes 8 to 12 hours then I would say much more rapidly.

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Fantastic fantasy four-way fling – and family-friendly fun

ukgnome
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Re: "The Peter Jackson films continue to do justice to this awesome source material"

I am so pleased I am not alone in this thought - I actually walked out of the cinema during LOTR and positively refuse to watch the hobbit. The fact that I can read the entire book during the cinema epic and still see the titles speaks volumes. The Lego game however is pure class.

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

ukgnome
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C'mon Dabbsy - you have had a week off.

Having 2 is just greedy, unless you're having a spleenectomy or summink.

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Tech talk bloke compares girlfriend to irritating Java tool – did he deserve flames?

ukgnome
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Re: interesting variety of discourse????

So what you are saying is it's OK to be an unfunny misogynist as long as no one finds out? Does this translate to any other views? I find it hard to believe that anyone would happily sit themselves in the "I'm not, but" camp.

Granted it's all a bit of a storm in a teacup, but with so many dick heads saying there is nothing wrong with it. Well that just perpetuates the myth that IT is run mainly by men that live with their mum and can't get a girlfriend. Whilst we shouldn't hang him for the stupid slide we shouldn't applaud him either.

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ukgnome
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Re: The "it's a joke" brigade have missed the point

2 Things, in the old days - blah blah blah - get with the program, we don't live in the old days, and public speaking, by very nature is public. Maybe they should hire private speakers.

It concerns me that my peer group are a bunch of unfunny misogynistic twunts.

*oh calling you all twunts so publicly is actually a joke and you shouldn't be offended.

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Plucky Playmonaut bails out of smoking Vulture 2

ukgnome
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Re: Playmonaut

His name is Plucky - although that might be just his call sign.

I believe they ejected his ejector seat to make for a lighter load.

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