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* Posts by ukgnome

1117 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Amway daddy to flog wireless charging pioneer

ukgnome
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Happy

Ziggurat

You have made my day by including my all time favourite word.

I can clock off happy

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Pastafarians: Get your noodly appendages off that Facebook suspect

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Re: I am so so sorry

Words cannot express how sorry I am.

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ukgnome
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Re: dammit typo

*wrong

I simply must stop typing with my massive nose!

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ukgnome
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Re: ** Surely the other way round

You are wring (I believe)

Noodle Doodle was a person who actually went to a town with lots of straight spaghetti

He twisted it around and around and this is what you getty

Noodledoodledoodledoodle trains,

Noodledoodledoodledoodle houses,

Nooodledoodledoodledoodle aeroplanes,

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Noodle Doodle mouses!

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Oregon farmer devoured by own hogs

ukgnome
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I wonder

Would Lester eat the bacon from these hogs, knowing that they are part red neck?

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Simon Cowell plans X Factor for Tech

ukgnome
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possible working show titles

Tech factor

Britains goto talent

Dragon 32 Den

Strictly code dancing

The Voice (over IP)

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Boffins suggest orbital dust-up to combat climate change

ukgnome
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Joke

Since when was Marjorie Dawes a scientist?

"anyone, no, DUST!

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Motorola's Germany Xbox sales ban castrated by US judges

ukgnome
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Joke

How long before the german court tries to sue the american court?

My monies is on apple filing a patent on the process of suing a foreign court so they can counter sue both.

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Iran: Sorry for the Gmail blockade – we were trying to block YouTube

ukgnome
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Joke

Missing

*we have asked the Islamic Republic for a comment but they are yet to respond.

***I have edited this several times as I did not want El Reg to suffer for my comment.

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Pair face £250k fines for spamming mobes with millions of texts

ukgnome
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Re: Another type of pest: "HL Solicitors"

I used to use the pseudonym of Mike Hunt for these types, until that is I started receiving junk mail and even more frequent calls to the landline. At first it was funny, but now it is just annoying.

Nowadays I just let my 4YO to answer the phone. Never argue with the logic of a 4YO!

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Climate change threatens to SHRINK FISH AND CHIP SUPPERS

ukgnome
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What is that sound?

Oh yeah, that's the sound of northern Britain weeping

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The Register iPhone and Android apps: Maintenance update

ukgnome
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Meh

I noticed the old app crapped out over the weekend.

Hopefully it will be well received and free from security flaws.

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Vote now for the ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE

ukgnome
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Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

I can't speak for them all, but it has nothing to do will the slaughter of animals for me. It's the texture and the taste. Both are something that the fake meats haven't mastered.

If it wasn't for meat eaters a lot of breeds wouldn't exist and a lot more hedgerows would be gone which in turn threatens a lot of other species - birds and insects. Eating meat is actually better for the environment than not eating meat. Just a shame I don't like it.

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ukgnome
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Speaking as a vegetarian

I'm actually quite hungry now, not hungry enough to cross to the dark side.

But bloody hell they all looked good. Such a shame that pretend vege-bacon is as appertising as cardboard

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Salt marshes will suck CO2 from air faster and faster as seas rise

ukgnome
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Good news all round

Currently Cleethorpes is trying to work out what to do about the expanding salt marsh there.

But if it slurps up the naughty carbon dioxide then they are fighting a losing battle if they want to get rid of it. Also it turns out to be a breeding ground for fish. Although why the folk of Grimsby want to do their breeding on the marsh is beyond me. *I may of miss read the article a bit.

http://www.thisisgrimsby.co.uk/Cleethorpes-salt-marsh-haven-breeding-fish/story-11530589-detail/story.html

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Microsoft's Bing bods exploit fanbois' Apple maps misery

ukgnome
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Just checked out my abode on Bing and the maps is slightly newer than google. Sure it show my garden as an overgrown mass of weeds but at least the building site from 7 years ago is gone. Now if they would only do a map refresh so that I can show off my cultivated lawn and wild flower meadow.

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Steve Jobs backs Amazon from beyond grave in Apple trademark row

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Not really

"in the same way as it is a park for cars."

According to my beat up hyundai it's not a park - no swings or slides and zero trees. No wonder my car looks disappointed when I leave it there.

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Rumour: Asus rejects $99 Nexus 7... rumour

ukgnome
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Who do you believe?

PFY spreading a rumour?

Google for not suing PFY?

Asus for stating it's codswallop?

My money is on Asus - after my dealings with Google though I wouldn't believe a word they say (personal view of course)

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Samsung slaps swift patch over phone-wiping Galaxy S III vuln

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: Stop skinning Android

the apps aren't unmoveable as such, as they sit in the system partition, All you need is root and they can be removed.

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NZ bloke gets eel stuck up jacksie

ukgnome
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Joke

If this is his fetish then

eel be back

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Wikimedia UK trustee quits amid conflict-of-interest row

ukgnome
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Joke

In the pretty picture accompanying this,why did they change journalist to halfwit?

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Tacky mobile ad networks could kill publishing, survey shows

ukgnome
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oh dear

The parasites aren't making money from parasites.

But do I give a flying frig?

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Facebook given 4 weeks to FULLY SATISFY Irish data commissioner

ukgnome
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Re: I think you'll find that's Etymology

The word whisky (or whiskey) is an anglicisation of the Gaelic word uisce|uisge meaning water. Distilled alcohol was known to the medieval Latins as aqua vitae = "water of life"; and as aqua fortis = "strong water". This was translated to Gaelic as Irish: uisce beatha and Scottish Gaelic: uisge beatha = "lively water" or "water of life". Early forms of the word in English included uskebeaghe (1581), usquebaugh (1610), usquebath (1621), usquebae (1715).[2]

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Apple's brilliant plan to fix iOS Maps: Get YOU to do it

ukgnome
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Mushroom

Re: OMG They are talking to el'reg?

That's precisely what I thought

it's the end of days I tell ya, the Mayans were right!

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LONDON iPHONE 5 MADNESS: 'You must be CRAZY to buy Apple'

ukgnome
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Re: Just one question

I wouldn't usually answer my own question, but I have just been told they poop in their hands and then clap?

Dumb fookers

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ukgnome
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Just one question

The line of sad individuals queuing, where do they poop?

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Swiss railways ticked off at iOS clock knock-off

ukgnome
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Google translation chosen to make it even funnier

You never read "apple translation chosen to make it funnier"

Apple are missing a trick - soon they will sue for unfair advertising or summink

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UK to hold public consultation on social-media troll prosecutions

ukgnome
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Re: Twatter

If I try and defame you using social media then according to the law of this land I have committed an offence. Even if I don't know that a law has been broken.

If I send you a message publicly that I think you are a paedophile then you have the right push for some form of punishment.

The top 3 that you can be prosecuted under are -

Protection from Harassment Act 1997

Criminal Justice & Public Order Act 1994

Malicious Communications Act 199

but can also include

Public Order Act 1986

Now we all know that the law can be an ass, because it can never take into account the fact that I also talk to you like that and you usually don't mind. The fact is, you don't actually have to mind as this was sent publicly so only a busy body needs to take offence. Essentially to stay the right side of the law don't put something out into the community that is wrong, criminal, slanderous or likely to cause offence.

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ukgnome
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Facepalm

Twatter

It's a tricky one, especially as the "banter" that the sub thirty lot dole out is very abusive and borderline criminal. And quite a lot of porn is also now on twitter

Whilst it may be acceptable within your social circle to call someone a peado it may be deemed offensive to others reading the message. Twitter seems to be full of hate these days, and flaming the trolls has little or no effect. Also the actual tools of twitter seem a bit light touch. You could block the individual, but they could create a second or third account and continue where they left off. Alternatively you can send a spam report to twitter, but by definition they are not spamming you. Maybe twitter needs another option to report as offensive.

Not that it would work, not with things hash tags like #thingsinyourfannythursday where a young lady posts images that are NSFW and #thisguysacun.....

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Sky ruled OK to hold broadcast licence without Murdoch at helm

ukgnome
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The facts?

I will tell you the only fact about the weasels that I know, and that is they are complete murdochs.

Also they are small, active predators

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GCHQ in new challenge for cyber security wannabes

ukgnome
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Shiver me timbers

Lovin the fact that El Reg has gone all piratey on ITLAPD

top job me hearty

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Report: Microsoft to cop it from Brussels in Browser Choice affair

ukgnome
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Re: Why not Apple. . simple

it does seem unfair, but not just because of apple. The browsers on all android smartphones should also be in this pile.

Anything before ICS has the stock browser but can have several downloaded from the play store, whilst ICS and above has (can have) chrome as standard.

Hardly a level playing field.

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Who queues for an iPhone 5? Protesters, hipsters and the jobless

ukgnome
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If I ran a gadget shop

I wouldn't want the great unwashed stinking up the place. (staff not included)

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'Stuff must be FREE, except when it's MINE! Yarr!' - top German pirate

ukgnome
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As it's international talk like a pirate day

All I can say is keel haul the scurvy dawg

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Lightning strikes fresh iPad Mini shots

ukgnome
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Does anyone actually believe it's real? If I was a media shrewd company named after a fruit (edible and not the larry grayson kind) i think I would keep perpetuating these myths.

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Acer takes fight to Nexus 7 with seven-inch Iconia tablet

ukgnome
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Re: hmm

XDA isn't the easiest place to search - depending on your phone Modaco is a great place to search. It's slightly friendlier too.

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New benefits website at risk of hackers, no Plan B - ministers

ukgnome
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FAIL

I am glowing with confidence

and monkeys fly out of my butt

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Microsoft bod dreams up 'Star Trek holodeck' games console

ukgnome
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Didn't channel 5's The Gadget Show create a 360 degree immersive experience?

oh yeah - http://gadgetshow.channel5.com/gadget-show/blog/episode-3-total-immersion-cinema

and

http://gadgetshow.channel5.com/gadget-show/blog/series-16-episode-11-gadget-sim

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BT gets postcode knickers in twist, plants Shoreditch on Mount Everest

ukgnome
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Facepalm

No wonder my broadband speed is a paltry 1.2MB when the exchange is in South Africa

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Humanity facing GLOBAL BACON SHORTAGE

ukgnome
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Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

aporkalypse

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The iPHONE 5 UNDERMINES western DEMOCRACY: 5 reasons why

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

Oh sweet Jesus

What is this new experience?

Surely not, no it can't be.

erm I agree with Lewis Page

There I said it - now where is the nearest strong drink

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New guide: Bake your own Raspberry Pi Lego-crust cluster

ukgnome
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Pint

Awesome

Been into clusters for a while, but this one makes me all fuzzy.

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Hacker uses Kindle as Raspberry Pi screen

ukgnome
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Actually I was thinking more of attaching the Pi directly to the TV system board. As far as I understand most TV's use a form of linux for their EPG etc

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ukgnome
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How long before he hacks it to his TV or DVD player.

Totally love the heath robinson approach to bending devices to your will.

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ICO sets cookie-law flouters deadline - to open an HTML editor

ukgnome
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A better solution could be

Telling the ISP that they need to mailshot their users informing them about cookies, and information on how to clear them from the device.

Cookies are here to stay, whether you like it or not. They are not evil (apart from the evil ones)

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Online dole queue tech 'not grounded in reality', say councils

ukgnome
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This reminds me of when HMRC tried to get all their local systems talking.

It's not going to be on time, it's not going to be on budget, and in all likelihood it isn't going to work

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Google's Nexus 7 tabs 'can't perform' if flash RAM crammed

ukgnome
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Happy

Re: Not all Nexus 7 affected

Most users probably wouldn't do this.

Then again I am not most people, thanks to Modaco I have a bespoke OS with working NFR and flash, as well as iplayer. I only stream, I don't store content. Although using stickmout I could. Makes the 8GB model very attractive. With regards to the memory issue I used advanced task killer. And sometimes I even clear the cache.

No trouble here officer, move along.

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What a card: Brit boffin Alan Turing stars in Monopoly tribute set

ukgnome
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Re: Go to Jail

The recognition is rightly deserved, and Monopoly is very apt.

Alan had a theory to beat anyone monopoly, apparently the maths didn't work.

See the story here - http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/sep/10/alan-turing-monopoly-board-google?newsfeed=true

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Firefox support extended to older Android mobiles

ukgnome
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Re: Good heavens, is Firefox still around?

Crikey, I await your flaming. I dared to call them failfox and it was like an RAF display. I have never seen so many red arrows.

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