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* Posts by ukgnome

1306 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

NASA to smash its spacecraft INTO THE MOON

ukgnome
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Childcatcher

Won't somebody think of the clangers

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Stephen Hawking pushes for posthumous pardon for Alan Turing

ukgnome
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Pint

Re: No pardon ...

Hear Hear - possibly the best constructed message from an El Reg commentard.

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Boffins spot 7 ALIEN WORLDS right in our galactic backyard

ukgnome
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Damn!

Fair do's - missed the whole captured by the milky way bit.

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ukgnome
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Alien

extragalactic exoplanet

A quick search brings up http://www.gizmag.com/exoplanet-outside-galaxy/17055/

It seems that they can detect planets in other galaxies.

No one would have believed, in the years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless galaxies of space.

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ukgnome
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Re: Sheeeeeeeeetttttt!!!!

That would be impossible, it has been time shifted by one second to make it appear invisible to probes.

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Silicon Roundabout £50m THING to spew 200 startups A YEAR

ukgnome
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Re: Sigh

I was thinking north east mainly because I worked there for EDS. It has huge DWP and BT data centres. A plethora of young university types. As well as cheap housing and a Greggs on every corner. Cheaper booze and the mighty night owls presenter, the flashing blade himself - Alan Robson .

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ukgnome
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Sigh

Wouldn't it be better to invest this in the north east? A plethora of people that you can pay slightly less yet still be connected to major infrastructure.

Lower rent, lower wages. Surely this is a no brainier.

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Apple's iOS 6 maps STILL muddle Mildura

ukgnome
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Re: Map reading wife

@Wyrdness - Durham university (way before porting) - not that I was a student, but I did save her dissertation from her crappy computer.

@Lee Dowling - Mine has 2 degrees and a masters, does complicated maths and is quite handy at FPS games. She also cooks, cleans and keeps the little gnomes entertained. She is what I could only describe as geek chic. Every IT bod should have one.

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ukgnome
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Re: Big intake of breath

Totally agree - GPS is useful, but having a map reading wife in the car is a bloody must! She calculates alternatives better that the sat nav.

I can afford to lose or ignore the sat nav, but at my peril if I should lose or ignore the wife.

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The latest tech firm to be accused of tax dodging: Microsoft

ukgnome
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Joke

I bet Apple are wishing they took out a patent on complicated European tax schemes now.

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YES! It's the TARDIS PC!

ukgnome
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Re: Tiz the wrong colour of blue.

Depends on which doctors TARDIS, due to set changes and aging of props the old girl has had many a hue of blue.

I for one would love this to add to my TARDIS collection.

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Deputy PM: Rip up Snoop Charter, 'go back to the drawing board'

ukgnome
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Re: Has Clegg......

No, but he has employed some better PR

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Parliament: Snoop Charter plan 'too sweeping', 'misleading', 'suspicious'

ukgnome
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Mushroom

If this bill gets through I can see our fully armed anti-terrorist cops busting a bunch of chemistry graduates at a science fair.

txt scientist 1 - Can I borrow a bomb?

txt scientist 2 - Sure, what's wrong with your bomb?

txt scientist 1 - My bombs to big for the demo, i need a portable device

txt scientist 2 - I'll bring it to the demo, should be a day to remember.

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This is out of hand now: Apple attempts to trademark the LEAF

ukgnome
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Re: oh and

"Anybody else sick and tired of these self-important pre-snipes against anyone who has the nerve to not like your comment?"

Truthfully I don't care much for the red arrows or the green ones. If you all agreed with me then the world would be doomed, and if you all disagreed with me then the world would be screwed. Either way it's a steaming turd!

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ukgnome
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FAIL

Hmm, that reminds me of the amber light on a London taxi that has been tilted 45 degrees.

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Saudi Aramco: Foreign hackers tried to cork our gas output

ukgnome
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Mushroom

I have a crap idea

Lets link all the infrastructure we can to the internet - what could possible go wrong.

And whilst we are at it, why not have unprotected USB ports on all the equipment that we haven't linked.

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Patrick Moore: Lived with cats, accompanied Einstein on the piano

ukgnome
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Pint

Shone as bright as any star!

You gave us a reason to look up.

And you helped us get past that difficult level on Earthworm Jim.

You met Einstein.

And your maps helped put a man on the moon.

Truly a British gent of the highest order, a legend, one of a kind.

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LOL: Twitter faces fines for late UK financial filings

ukgnome
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FAIL

We asked Twitter what caused the slip-up. It has not replied.

#twitterfail

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US Army demos first robot Black Hawk helicopter

ukgnome
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Re: Helicopters are complex..

"Because landing on a ship, a single point on a flat plane, is a relatively simple task"

I guess that you don't know much about shipping then. Even on calm seas a ship is not on one plane, they move around quite a bit and often in all directions at once.

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Parliament to unleash barrage of criticism on Snoopers' Charter

ukgnome
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If this charter happens it will only turn into something bad, if some local police forces and some local councils can't even be trusted with the DVLA database then what hope is there for the bigger government to be responsible?

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2020AD: Space tourists will be FOUND ON MOON

ukgnome
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Re: Ryan Air Are Doing It For £50

That sounded like a great deal until I realized that the flight actually goes to near the moon, but there is an hourly shuttle service to get you to the actual moon.

*shuttle service, ha ha ha you can't make this shit up

**appears that the shuttle service is no longer viable due to cancellations, so I guess the only moon flight option is easy (ram)jet

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'Build us a Death Star, President Obama' demand thousands

ukgnome
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Re: Morons wasting time.

I guess that's why it's in Bootnotes - the perfect place to waste time and comments.

The idea isn't as stupid as you think (kinda) - a huge investment like this would lower unemployment and the country could work itself out of recession. Maybe start smaller though and build schools and social housing before going large.

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Moon riven by colossal cracks

ukgnome
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Joke

I see the Irish have abandoned their plans for a moon party, as despite the craic there is no atmosphere.

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Explosion of DANGEROUS IT GEAR injures and CRIPPLES MEDICS

ukgnome
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Sloppy posturing

This sort of report make me just a little mental (more so than usual)

If a mechanic tried lifting cars so that he can service them it would be seen as a bad idea, so why don't people listen when it comes to working at a computer. I can only guess it's because of the facebook slave generation that thinks a computer is just an entertainment device.

When I left school, before the world of computing I worked in a typing pool. The very very scary girls in the pool would often bark at me if I dared to slouch. And after 20 years sat down typing I don't have a bad back, or carpal tunnel or RSI, and it's all thanks to the very very scary pool mistress that used to bark orders at me. (she also used to touch me under the desk, but that's another rant.

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Record €1.47 BEELLION EC fine for price-fixing display cartels

ukgnome
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Re: where's me money then?!

thirded, I had purchased at least 10 monitors back then. I think this means I am owed between £10 - £100

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Copying Wikipedia's lies is not just for hacks, right Lord Leveson?

ukgnome
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Facepalm

You included an extra / in your link - hope you don't work in IT, as the irony would finish you off.

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China plans astro-farms on Mars

ukgnome
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Can they please set up a moon dairy, as I have a real hankering for lunar cheese.

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Einstein almost tagged dark energy in the early 1920s

ukgnome
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Coat

Erwin Schrödinger died 3 October 1965), and was buried in Alpbach, Austria.

Question is - what's in the coffin?

*the one that may or may not have a magazine about cat lovers in the pocket.

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AI boffins take on Angry Birds

ukgnome
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Joke

When I lived in Newcastle I used to play angry birds.

I would walk up to a group of girls and tell them that they where pretty for a makem

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2013: No sign of flying cars, but Orange mobes will get black ice

ukgnome
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Lookout has some great features, the dying gasp feature is probably the best.

When the battery gets to 15% is sends out a ping of it's location. Not that I have needed it, but I do like it's features.

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First pic of Ashton Kutcher as the great Steve 'jOBS'

ukgnome
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I haven't read the film synopsis so can someone tell me.

Is this the one about a smelly antisocial drugged up hippy? Or the one about a tyrannical bastard hell bent on subjecting his will upon everything?

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Hero Playmonaut lost at sea as SPEARS ditches in Channel

ukgnome
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Re: The wrong (jacket) stuff

Are you saying "you're gonna need a bigger boat"

Sharks, oh my sharks - poor little playmonaut

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ukgnome
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Unhappy

A poem by Words of Art 2008

Floating endlessly on the waves

The shore no longer beckons

Surrounded by the billows and gales

A force with which he reckons

Longing and anguish fills his heart

Faces fill his mind

As the sun and salt beat down and sting

He holds tight and waits for a sign

Those he left are lifting prayers

To the unseen One above

He prays himself as he holds on

And tries to feel their love

Never has loneliness held such meaning

Nor sorrow held such weight

What he would give out on this sea

To know his ending fate

Should he give in to sleep or fight it back

Cry for help or mercy

Relive his memories or stay alert

Oh would that help would hurry!

The day is done, the sun rides low

O'er all the salty waves

Tomorrow is another day to fight

And pray that he'll be saved.

Goodbye playmonaut - your sacrifice will not go unnoticed.

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Wi-Fi routers able to manage bandwidth by app are offered

ukgnome
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Don't be silly

no one plays COD over WiFi

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Operation Hunt the Hunter: Anonymous targets 'revenge porn' man

ukgnome
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Re: Good

I think that's a given

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Adobe demands 7,000 years a day from humankind

ukgnome
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You already have to with some sports models - when you enter sports mode you have to confirm, which is akin to clicking the yes box.

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ukgnome
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Re: Testing the theory

I remember that....so it must be true or we ticked an EULA to share consciousness.

If I remember correctly if the person read the EULA and contacted there support they got cash off or a lollipop or something.

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Littlest pirate’s Winnie-the-Pooh laptop on the way home

ukgnome
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Re: €300

I was thinking the very same thing myself - I doubt Chisu gets 300 spondulies per sale (even if the euro is pants at the mo)

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Who's using 'password' as a password? TOO MANY OF YOU

ukgnome
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FAIL

That looks like part of my dictionary list from the early 2000's - I miss Brutus!

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Saucy Star Wars strip show - sorry, burlesque - to tour Down Under

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Re: Sad

I read that as phantom menstrate

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NASA: THE TRUTH about the END OF THE WORLD on 21 Dec

ukgnome
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Alien

Of course NASA say that, but we all know the truth. Now where did I put my tin foil hat?

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Help-desk hell

ukgnome
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Indian Help Desk Operative

I know a lot of people have issues with some overseas contact centres, but once in a while you get a gem like this.

Me - hi, I am having an issue with my broadband router

Them - thank you for calling, can I take your account number

Me - bear with me

Them - Sir! you must leave your house right away

Me - eh?

Them - it is very dangerous to have a bear in your house, your could be killed, please hang up and leave.

It turns out that he was trained in england and was fascinated with the language and dual meanings. He never actually fixed by broadband but he did make me smile.

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No more fun and games for Zynga as Facebook cuts apron strings

ukgnome
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You don't need FB to chat with your Auntie in the Orkneys either.

If facebook was sentient then it would be a ginger step-child.

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Ten badass brainy computers from science fiction

ukgnome
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Re: Thankfully you forgot

In a previous life with EDS we had a unix tech who liked to bully the IMAC agents. However the classic Jurassic line of "It's a UNIX system, I know this!" followed by "if an 8 yo girl can do it then it must be for noobs" used to result in him hanging up.

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ukgnome
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Nice to see Proteus in the mix - truly terrifying, thought that WOPR might get a mention , but I guess it wasn't sentient.

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Troll sues Apple for daring to plug headphones into iPhone

ukgnome
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Joke

I'm just waiting until there are enough handsets to launch my multi-lawsuit against all manufactures.

In it my patent describes holes \ slats \ slits that are placed in front of a speaker to facilitate the hearing of the speaker if it is mounted in a case that can be utilised for mobile transportation. This only applies to devices that are no larger than 4.5 inches across.

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RETURN of the PLAYMONAUT: El Reg's space hero suits up again

ukgnome
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Playmonaut - this country salutes you!

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Belgian finds missus was born a MAN after 19 YEARS of marriage

ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

Yes I would be angry at the lies, I thought that was clear.

Glad we can agree in honesty, just wish you hadn't resorted in your posts to name calling. It devalued your argument but did highlight your passion. Tsk humans eh, thank fuck I'm a teapot shaped like a bellend.

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

Ok then, I'll bite just one more time as it has been a slow support day....

"I'll reiterate, again, the point you don't seem to understand blah blah blah hence my suggestion that you revise your working model to acknowledge these conditions and realities."

There is conflicting scientific information out there, I am looking at the biology of the situation and not the metaphysical or psychological aspects. May I suggest that you revise your working knowledge to deal with one point at a time. Otherwise we take this to the ridiculous - if you think you are a kettle does that make you a kettle?

"You seem to expect that transgendered people should have to wear some sort of badge to indicate that they are Not Normal - why exactly do you have an issue with them being treated by their gender identity where this differs from their birth gender?"

Telling me how I think is a bit odd, you don't know me or know how I think. I have said that honesty is the most important thing. I would want to know if my partner was transgendered / murderer / apple user / so that I can make my own decision at the time. If you build a relationship on omission then you are not been honest. By getting offended at my honesty you are showing that you are not as tolerant as you think you are. Also, I have no issue with them, if you want to call yourself a teapot then great, but it doesn't actually make you a teapot. I guess this wouldn't ever be an issue if you was honest and upfront.

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'Boson' Higgs: Yes, CERN has seen the coming of the God particle

ukgnome
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Joke

This would be good except : -

Such a shame that the Mayans were right and we are all about to die in some some of galactic cataclysm.

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