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* Posts by ukgnome

1117 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Foxconn: THESE child workers were NOT making Apple products

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Boris S. you don't seem to understand...

No one needs the inferior crap produced in Japan be it Apple branded, Microsucks, Acer or Foxconn - to name just a few

Just as well it's manufactured in China then, or did all the references to China somehow display as Japan? If so, that would be the Chinese manufactured display you are using. maybe you should send it off for repair to a factory in China so that a Chinese worker can repair it.

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Manchester plods cop £120k fine for USB-stick-inna-wallet data gaffe

ukgnome
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kept on an unencrypted memory stick

FFS - Plod has a long way to go with security.

I for one am now going to use vigilante mobs in future when I need a perp sorted.

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McKinnon will not be extradited to the US, says Home Secretary

ukgnome
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Great News

Not just for McKinnon but for all citizens of the UK. The extradition balance needed to be addressed. It's the first thing that hapless May has got right.

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Final decision by Home Sec on McKinnon extradition due today

ukgnome
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Re: Not consequential

I think by posting messages on compromised computers about how piss poor the security was shows that he was aware of what he was doing, and who he was doing it to.

He has to be seen by the authorities that he is held to account for his actions, but the Americans justice system is considerably harsher than the UK's.

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iPad voice app back after patent spat: Mute kids get 'voices' back

ukgnome
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Childcatcher

Re: @ukgnome

At the time it was only alleged to of infringed patents, it had not been to patent court to have this proved. Whilst I am sure they had a good case the fact remains that for a year the software was not been sold on the App store. Put simply in Daily Mail terms

Won't somebody think of the children.

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ukgnome
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Nice to hear that this is over and the development team can now get back to supporting this app. At the time I called apple a bunch of twunts for suspending the app, I still stand by those comments. Only because I think this could of been handled in a better way.

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Apple supplier AU Optronics suffers IP theft blow

ukgnome
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Joke

Time to bring production and jobs back

You will never bring Jobs back. He's dead Jim, dead!

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Yahoo! hires! top! Googler! to! revamp! operations!

ukgnome
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GREAT! NEW! MAYBE! YAHOO! WILL! IMPROVE! SOON!

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Skydiver Baumgartner in 128,000ft plunge from brink of space

ukgnome
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Re: Where's the balloon gone ?

They landed the capsule, as it was rather expensive and very re-usable. Unsure what they did with the balloon.

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ukgnome
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Thumb Up

Proud to be a wimp

Truly I am a ridiculous specimen.

When they were going through the final check-list and he was moving his chair I was all sweaty palmed. Why was I nervous, I was sat on a comfy sofa eating crisps.

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Retailer leaks iPad Mini price list starting at £200

ukgnome
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Re: That would be £40 rather than £50 cheaper, and the magic word is

I am going to ditch Google and say hello Apple after my appalling attempt to get a nexus - wrong consignment number, no tracking, still waiting for refund.

I mean, the customer services for Apple can't be any worse can they?

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Incompatible IT systems blamed for bank sale collapse

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Dear Reg,

And while your at it can you remove the acronym RBS and give it its full title, as well as stating National Westminster bank, trading as NatWest.

Oh, on second thoughts don't bother. I've just remembered that I have a life.

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MYSTERIOUS GREEN GLOW seen on iPhone 5s

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Maybe if Apple hadn't dropped Samsung as their screen maker.

Just sayin

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Boffins baffled: HUGE EYEBALL washes up on Florida beach

ukgnome
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Joke

It's an apple

eyeDevice

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Amazon prices up Kindle Paperwhite for Blighty

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Re: Backlight???

"I think we can afford not to be too pedantic about it."

You do read the comments forum don't you?

Pedantry is something that us I.T. chaps are quite proud of.

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Schmidt: Google deathmatch with Apple is 'defining' for the tech biz

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

"We invested hundreds of millions of dollars in ......drive-by work"

Time to buy a kevlar vest!

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World+Dog hails 50th birthday of the LED

ukgnome
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Joke

Brighter and more efficient.

But less about me.

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Jaws restored Blu-ray disc set review

ukgnome
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Re: ...erm?

yeah, but vultures feed off sharks or summink

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Sarah Brightman plans International Space Station gig

ukgnome
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Mushroom

I have a list of people I would send - Top 5

5. David Guest

4. George Michael

3. The "Go Compare" man

2. Elton John

1. John Barrowman

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ISS crew fling out arm, grab SpaceX Dragon capsule

ukgnome
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Joke

I once worked for a spaced ex

Well it seemed like work to me!

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Gavel fails to fall for Apple 1

ukgnome
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Trollface

It's as ugly as a ginger stepchild, not surprised it didn't sell.

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Google cash brings all the cold TV leftovers you can eat to YouTube

ukgnome
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Google confirmed funding for 60 UK telly producers to make YouTube clips *presumably of kittens in hats and dogs scrapping their bum along the floor.

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STONEHENGE: Attack of the RAYGUN HISTORIANS

ukgnome
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Re: @Smudge: Well, of course, they were primitive and unsophisticated people

I agree - Avebury is far superior, you can clearly see how the alien craft were guided and eventually landed.

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ukgnome
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Alien

Everyone knows that Stonehenge is an anagram of Honest Gene.

Further proof that the Aliens are the true architects of mankind

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BT Infinity customers hit by outages at 'third party peering network'

ukgnome
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er, maybe it's because BT infinity customers have been having a whine about it and El Reg was made aware of that fact, rather than trawling Bobs Bargain ISP forum(other shitty little forums are available) for 3 men moaning about access to goatherders.com

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Edge-of-space skydiver grounded by ANOTHER bout of bad wind

ukgnome
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Unhappy

It could be worse, I could be sitting the wrong side of a firewall with a stupid filtering of live streams.

Oh FFS, it seems that I am.

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iPad Mini pics spied on Twitter

ukgnome
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Meh

I'm only interested if it's apple crumble.

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Patent troll targets ZTE

ukgnome
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Trollface

We've been stealing from the Chinese for years, surely it's OK that they now steal back?

*I'm thinking fireworks, whisky, tartan as my top three steals

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Register SPB hacks mull chopping off feet

ukgnome
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As long as you provide a link to THE REG ONLINE STANDARDS CONVERTER then I don't mind.

Although when it comes to distance can you use the simplified version of.

Closer, close, quite far, very far, a long long way.

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Man charged over alleged April Jones Facebook trolling

ukgnome
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Re: 2 things

You are indeed correct, I wouldn't deface a tribute page with sick jokes. I do find it odd that people do. I guess I was brought up and not dragged up.

And sadly no, I am still at a loss as to what the wife wants for supper.

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ukgnome
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Unhappy

2 things

1. This "man" is obviously a sick little fecker, with poor judgement and poor taste. No doubt he is not fully aware of the laws he is breaking, because he's an eejit. Also, he may of had his own privacy violated as someone apparently screen grabbed his tasteless wall post and posted it on the tribute page. Truly these kinds of Jeremy Kyle show fodder should just fecking do one.

2. I have an issue with facebook tribute pages. The whole idea of liking a page dedicated to cancer or whatever else I find offensive. It is meant to be social media. These pages don't make me feel particularly social. I am not saying that they should be off the web, as they do have a valid place. But i don't want to be reminded that the worlds a fecked up screwy place when I'm trying to find out what my wife wants for tea.

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Target Silicon Valley: Why A View to a Kill actually made sense

ukgnome
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Zorin? I thought that was Julian Assange

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Skydiver Baumgartner's 120,000ft spacesuit leap delayed by bad wind

ukgnome
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Pint

<---------

Free ones of these if you land in Norwich

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Crazed Microsoft robot accuses BBC kids' channel of Win8 piracy

ukgnome
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Mushroom

Trying to take down cbeebies

What utter, utter bastards!

I hope Andy, Ceri Alex and Sid have tweeted a response to this heavy handed approach. I realise that not everyone like Mr Tumble but denying kids access to Rastamouse is pretty dread!

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Don't panic, but UK faces BLACKOUTS BY 2015

ukgnome
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Joke

Can you get a UPS for a fridge?

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Home-grown drone finds ‘missing’ hiker

ukgnome
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Joke

Why do I

Suddenly want to build a drone that can fly over the English channel?

*oh yeah, I have remembered. RC aircraft are difficult to track on RADAR and seem ideal for smuggling. Granted, it couldn't lift immigrants so people trafficking is out. But I reckon it bring other things.

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Man the floodgates! David Cameron takes to Twitter

ukgnome
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I am only hoping that

He was a live time line at the conference.

Just how many 8===D ~ ~ can one man take

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Steve Jobs is STILL DEAD

ukgnome
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No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'!

A customer enters an apple store.

Mr. Balmer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

The blue shirt does not respond.)

Mr. Balmer: 'Ello, Miss?

Blue Shirt: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Balmer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Blue Shirt : We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Balmer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Steve Jobs what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Blue Shirt: Oh yes, the, uh, the Apple CEO...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Balmer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Blue Shirt: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Balmer: Look, matey, I know a dead Steve Jobs when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Blue Shirt: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bloke, the Apple CEo, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Balmer: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Blue Shirt: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Balmer: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at Siri) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(Blue Shirt hits the cage)

Blue Shirt: There, he moved!

Mr. Balmer: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Blue Shirt: I never!!

Mr. Balmer: Yes, you did!

Blue Shirt: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Balmer: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes iPhone5 out of the cage and thumps its on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Balmer: Now that's what I call a dead CEO.

Blue Shirt: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Blue Shirt: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! CEO's stun easily, major.

Mr. Balmer: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That CEOis definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged patent dispute.

Blue Shirt: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Cupertino.

Mr. Balmer: PININ' for CUPERTINO!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Blue Shirt: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Balmer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that CEO when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Blue Shirt: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that CEO down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Balmer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Blue Shirt: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Balmer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This CEO is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-CEO!!

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Google handset arm grabs facial recog tech firm

ukgnome
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Re: also streetview...

It only works on blurred faces though

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Nokia pumps up Lumia browsing with Xpress

ukgnome
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Re: Why aren't others doing this?

All available with android

Camera Extras - too many apps to name on the play store

City Lens - aurasma

Nokia Drive - Navigation by Google

Nokia Maps - Google Maps

Nokia Music - Spotify

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STILL TRUE: Facebook and co to handle taxpayers' ID

ukgnome
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Re: Proof of identity

Mongo, I have been looking for you. Please accept my friend request and click on this link www.iwillcommitfraudthankstotheslightlyimperfectwaythegovernmentisgoingtohandlethis.con

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Apple: Blue-shirts can fix iOS Maps in their spare time

ukgnome
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FAIL

Am I the only one that wonders what the POI of the average apple genius is?

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UK.gov to spunk £2m a year policing global cyber-security

ukgnome
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Joke

Global?

Damn, I was hoping for Robocop, or ED209 at the very least

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Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

ukgnome
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No, they were iPhone 5 users looking for an excuse to post pointless drivel on a forum about a buffet. Perhaps you know \ are them.

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ukgnome
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Re: Saw their photos in the Telegraph

Love the fact that the restaurant behind seems to be called GOB

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ukgnome
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Re: durham had one too

I think you will find it was the undercooked eggs dripping with salmonella that actually finished it off (the first time)

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'Leaked' doc shock: BT denies inflating prices for rural broadband rollout

ukgnome
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Facepalm

2 things

1. Of course it costs more to upgrade rural areas. Anyone who has every lived in the countryside will tell you that. It's a downside for living in the countryside

2. The reason it costs more to upgrade rural areas is because the company responsible for doing the upgrades in the past hasn't done much in the way of actual upgrades. Unless of course painting a green box green every ten years and removing public phone boxes counts as upgrade. Struggling to remember the name of that company. I think it has something to do with an apiary and a produce of india.

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Rapper rips up Microsoft's Atlanta store during performance

ukgnome
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Machine Gun Kelly?

Oh you mean "automaton shooty girls name"

*fixed it for him

**not bothered about going anon, as I aint freaked about his hood ratz and am well up for the shizzle (or some other load of shouty shouty bullshit)

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Liquefied-air silos touted as enormo green 'leccy batteries

ukgnome
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Re:That hasn't stopped Hershey.

Blasphemy - peanut butter cups are food of the gods!

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ukgnome
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Did a quick search on this

And the inventor has already powered a car using this technology, for all the naysayers on here why not invent your own free energy source?

http://www.airproducts.com/industries/Energy/Power/Power-Technologies/product-list/liquid-air-energy-storage-laes-power-technologies.aspx?itemId=7D677622F27440B18EC9F6D33CC19C5E

http://www.smartplanet.com/blog/bulletin/the-latest-renewable-energy-liquid-air/1505

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