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* Posts by ukgnome

1283 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Review: Dell XPS 12 Windows 8 tablet-cum-Ultrabook

ukgnome
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Joke

about as useful as......

I hear that they are also embedding a touch screen into a slab of chocolate. Apparently it's good for 90 seconds before you're covered in the sticky stuff.

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Brit boffins build projectile-vomiting robot to kill norovirus

ukgnome
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Terminator

It starts as a vomiting Larry, but next thing you know it wants your clothes, your boots and your sunglasses.

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Up your wormhole: Star Trek Deep Space 9 turns 20

ukgnome
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Unhappy

I feel older that the prophets.

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Samsung ordered to cough mobe sales figures to world+dog

ukgnome
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And the groundhog year begins again.

If only the Mayans had been right!

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MEGAGRAPH: 1983's UK home computer chart toppers

ukgnome
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FAIL

It seems to be missing the commodore +4 and it's baby brother the commodore 16

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Making MACH 1: Can we build a cranial computer today?

ukgnome
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Wow, I was only just reading MACH1 yesterday as I was on a nostalgia fest.

As soon as Google have this perfected I will have one, as long as it includes an ad-blocker

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It's JUST possible, but Apple MIGHT not make an iWatch in 2013

ukgnome
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They wouldn't use an intel chip in a watch. They would use an arm.

<------icon should just say alert.

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UK.gov stalks jobless online to axe work refuseniks' benefits

ukgnome
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Mushroom

Why not go the whole hog and microchip the jobless? Have sensors set up at every bookies and off licence. This is just another example of wasting money on a service that already exists. Truly pointless!

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RIM writes Nokia a fat cheque as pair bury the patent hatchet

ukgnome
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Re: Oh no, not again

Agreed - Nokia probably has a fair wedge of patents as it was once the world leader in mobile comms. Seems only fair that they benefit from it.

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Brits are so outraged by Amazon, they voted it TOP for shopping

ukgnome
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It's getting quite hard to avoid the tax dodgers, so it's best to ignore the bad press. They have been doing it for a while and nobody cared for an equal amount of time.

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Lego quad-copter: your ultimate drone nightmare

ukgnome
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Are you talking about the AR drone? It's a fantastic piece of kit, limited only by the range of your iDevices wifi http://ardrone2.parrot.com/

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Outlook 2013 spurns your old Word and Excel documents

ukgnome
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Re: MS shoots own foot shocker

The same can be said for a lot of businesses - my client currently uses a mix of 2000, 2003 and 2007 - with 2010 coming soon.

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Little spider makes big-spider-puppet CLONE of itself out of dirt

ukgnome
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Happy

Re: Puppet or Muppet - you decide

And yet you took the time to reply, many thanks Martin

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ukgnome
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Joke

Puppet or Muppet - you decide

I have heard that the UK parliament has tried a similar tactic, I don't know what Dave CamMoron calls it, but we call it a Clegg.

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US patent office: Nice try Apple, but pinch-to-zoom is NOT a new invention

ukgnome
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If this is what happens when a patent office takes its time over a patent then imagine what it will be like when the UK takes 60 days. EEEKKK!!

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Google, Microsoft go head to head in Santa-tracking tech race

ukgnome
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Re: Goole tracker

I guess they want to further themselves from Hull

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Microsoft 'surprised' by Google Gmail 'winter cleaning'

ukgnome
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Joke

I don't see what the fuss is about

I only have email accounts so that I can spend some time in the afternoon deleting the 150 plus emails for goods and services I no longer use.

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Ten... tech stocking stuffers

ukgnome
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Now now folks

These are stocking fillers - for people with deep pockets and fat legs!

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Microsoft to Moto: We'll give you $1m a year for your patents

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Microsoft the Patent troll

Not to mention the copying of the hole in the wall sealed with glass.

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Naked Scarlett Johansson pic snatch bloke gets 10 YEARS

ukgnome
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Trollface

"Operation Hackerazzi"

What a crap ops name, at least us Brits have proper operation names. We would of called it

Operation narcissist

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Facebook: 'No merit' to claim we broke German privacy law

ukgnome
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Under UK law you are allowed to go by a pseudonym, as long as you maintain documentation of your real name.

(this used to be true and I assume this is still the case)

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Siri: Can you make a Raspberry Pi open a garage door?

ukgnome
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Re: Ten minuets

Bugger and blast!

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ukgnome
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Siri, I shall be home in ten minuets - please have the garage open

ten mins later...."This is your reminder to call the vet"

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Anonymous hacks Westboro Baptists over Sandy Hook protests

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Does this make Anonymous cowards?

Why would you need to be anonymous to against this group is beyond me. If I lived in the states I would happily break a few windows at the church, or to put it another way - put the church beyond economical repair.

*I use the word church in a loose meaning, as whilst it is a congregation of fucktard minded twazzocks it isn't a collection of people striving for world peace.

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Coming soon to a theme park near you: Shocking ANTI-PIRACY NAG ADS

ukgnome
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Trollface

90 day turnaround

· launching a superfast patent processing service to deliver patents in just 90 days and a faster trade marks examination service which will deliver a full examination report in five days, instead of 10;

This is just asking to be abused

<-------because he's no ordinary troll.

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Review: Eurocom Monster W110ER gaming netbook

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

battery life of just one hour 20 minutes,

Yeah, what I wanted for xmas was a tiny screened super power netbook that farts its last after an hour.

<-------------------can't decide between FAIL and new keyboard!

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Micro-computer bakers open Raspberry Pi shop

ukgnome
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Happy

Re: ops

Maybe you have an issue with your browser as it works fine for me

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NASA to smash its spacecraft INTO THE MOON

ukgnome
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Childcatcher

Won't somebody think of the clangers

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Stephen Hawking pushes for posthumous pardon for Alan Turing

ukgnome
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Pint

Re: No pardon ...

Hear Hear - possibly the best constructed message from an El Reg commentard.

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Boffins spot 7 ALIEN WORLDS right in our galactic backyard

ukgnome
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Damn!

Fair do's - missed the whole captured by the milky way bit.

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ukgnome
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Alien

extragalactic exoplanet

A quick search brings up http://www.gizmag.com/exoplanet-outside-galaxy/17055/

It seems that they can detect planets in other galaxies.

No one would have believed, in the years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless galaxies of space.

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ukgnome
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Re: Sheeeeeeeeetttttt!!!!

That would be impossible, it has been time shifted by one second to make it appear invisible to probes.

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Silicon Roundabout £50m THING to spew 200 startups A YEAR

ukgnome
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Re: Sigh

I was thinking north east mainly because I worked there for EDS. It has huge DWP and BT data centres. A plethora of young university types. As well as cheap housing and a Greggs on every corner. Cheaper booze and the mighty night owls presenter, the flashing blade himself - Alan Robson .

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ukgnome
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Sigh

Wouldn't it be better to invest this in the north east? A plethora of people that you can pay slightly less yet still be connected to major infrastructure.

Lower rent, lower wages. Surely this is a no brainier.

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Apple's iOS 6 maps STILL muddle Mildura

ukgnome
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Re: Map reading wife

@Wyrdness - Durham university (way before porting) - not that I was a student, but I did save her dissertation from her crappy computer.

@Lee Dowling - Mine has 2 degrees and a masters, does complicated maths and is quite handy at FPS games. She also cooks, cleans and keeps the little gnomes entertained. She is what I could only describe as geek chic. Every IT bod should have one.

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ukgnome
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Re: Big intake of breath

Totally agree - GPS is useful, but having a map reading wife in the car is a bloody must! She calculates alternatives better that the sat nav.

I can afford to lose or ignore the sat nav, but at my peril if I should lose or ignore the wife.

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The latest tech firm to be accused of tax dodging: Microsoft

ukgnome
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Joke

I bet Apple are wishing they took out a patent on complicated European tax schemes now.

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YES! It's the TARDIS PC!

ukgnome
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Re: Tiz the wrong colour of blue.

Depends on which doctors TARDIS, due to set changes and aging of props the old girl has had many a hue of blue.

I for one would love this to add to my TARDIS collection.

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Deputy PM: Rip up Snoop Charter, 'go back to the drawing board'

ukgnome
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Re: Has Clegg......

No, but he has employed some better PR

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Parliament: Snoop Charter plan 'too sweeping', 'misleading', 'suspicious'

ukgnome
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Mushroom

If this bill gets through I can see our fully armed anti-terrorist cops busting a bunch of chemistry graduates at a science fair.

txt scientist 1 - Can I borrow a bomb?

txt scientist 2 - Sure, what's wrong with your bomb?

txt scientist 1 - My bombs to big for the demo, i need a portable device

txt scientist 2 - I'll bring it to the demo, should be a day to remember.

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This is out of hand now: Apple attempts to trademark the LEAF

ukgnome
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Re: oh and

"Anybody else sick and tired of these self-important pre-snipes against anyone who has the nerve to not like your comment?"

Truthfully I don't care much for the red arrows or the green ones. If you all agreed with me then the world would be doomed, and if you all disagreed with me then the world would be screwed. Either way it's a steaming turd!

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ukgnome
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FAIL

Hmm, that reminds me of the amber light on a London taxi that has been tilted 45 degrees.

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Saudi Aramco: Foreign hackers tried to cork our gas output

ukgnome
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Mushroom

I have a crap idea

Lets link all the infrastructure we can to the internet - what could possible go wrong.

And whilst we are at it, why not have unprotected USB ports on all the equipment that we haven't linked.

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Patrick Moore: Lived with cats, accompanied Einstein on the piano

ukgnome
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Pint

Shone as bright as any star!

You gave us a reason to look up.

And you helped us get past that difficult level on Earthworm Jim.

You met Einstein.

And your maps helped put a man on the moon.

Truly a British gent of the highest order, a legend, one of a kind.

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LOL: Twitter faces fines for late UK financial filings

ukgnome
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FAIL

We asked Twitter what caused the slip-up. It has not replied.

#twitterfail

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US Army demos first robot Black Hawk helicopter

ukgnome
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Re: Helicopters are complex..

"Because landing on a ship, a single point on a flat plane, is a relatively simple task"

I guess that you don't know much about shipping then. Even on calm seas a ship is not on one plane, they move around quite a bit and often in all directions at once.

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Parliament to unleash barrage of criticism on Snoopers' Charter

ukgnome
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If this charter happens it will only turn into something bad, if some local police forces and some local councils can't even be trusted with the DVLA database then what hope is there for the bigger government to be responsible?

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2020AD: Space tourists will be FOUND ON MOON

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Ryan Air Are Doing It For £50

That sounded like a great deal until I realized that the flight actually goes to near the moon, but there is an hourly shuttle service to get you to the actual moon.

*shuttle service, ha ha ha you can't make this shit up

**appears that the shuttle service is no longer viable due to cancellations, so I guess the only moon flight option is easy (ram)jet

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'Build us a Death Star, President Obama' demand thousands

ukgnome
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Re: Morons wasting time.

I guess that's why it's in Bootnotes - the perfect place to waste time and comments.

The idea isn't as stupid as you think (kinda) - a huge investment like this would lower unemployment and the country could work itself out of recession. Maybe start smaller though and build schools and social housing before going large.

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Moon riven by colossal cracks

ukgnome
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Joke

I see the Irish have abandoned their plans for a moon party, as despite the craic there is no atmosphere.

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