* Posts by ukgnome

1431 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Builder-in-a-hole outrage sparks Special Projects Bureau safety probe

ukgnome
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Missing equipment and H&S nightmare

I find the picture of the nice builder chap in all his PPE quite frighting, he is clearly missing a grubby cup of super strength builders tea!

Also I note that you have pink plastic patio chairs, don't you know how lethal they can be, a total H&S nightmare waiting to happen?

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TARDIS materialises in Sydney

ukgnome
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Re: " ... Dr Who homewares, a range of crockery and other kitchen kit."

That's not a laser, it's a screwdriver!

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Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack enters the final furlong

ukgnome
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Joke

Such as shame

That the next £6 you spend will be on bog roll.

Enjoy the wipe!

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Urban Farming

ukgnome
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Actually Jake me and missus gnome often grow our own. Well I say me and missus gnome when that in fact is an outright lie. Missus gnome does the veg whilst I work mainly on maintaining the flowers. Although this year I am growing some onions amongst my flowerbed.

Currently we have the following :-

Rhubarb, onions, peas, spuds, lettuce, cabbage, pumpkins and courgettes. unfortunately the leaks and carrots have died. I expect this of the carrots as I have never had a great crop which is unusual as i live in Norfolk. But the leaks, this brings much sadness into my life. As for the flowers I grow, put simply I use a meadow mix of lots of different ones. I couldn't tell you there names, but they do look pretty and the bees and butterfly love them.

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Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

ukgnome
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saintcrockoshit

Whilst saintcroix has a minor point that wealthy people do not know the true meaning of poverty I do think he has rather missed the point. The challenge isn't about experiencing poverty but surely highlighting poverty whilst earning money through sponsorship.

Also, as Lester is possibly the only journo that I would be happy to defend in a knife fight (SPB is the foremost reason I stick with the Reg) I can safely say that he probably isn't a millionaire tycoon. Not many journo's are. Usually they are greasy sweaty men that look like poor people or overweight puff balls that spend any surplus expenses on irn bru and cake. Of course I may be incorrect, and if I am the Lester can you lend me a few quid guv?

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The UK's copyright landgrab: The FAQ

ukgnome
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Trollface

Bastard Ltd

Does anyone fancy crowd funding this business and setting up a diligent search company?

I foresee a lot of money in this venture

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BSkyB seeks 100s of Geordies to deal with broadband customer growth

ukgnome
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Great customer support

I had cause to phone them yesterday - they recovered my HD boxes functionality within 5 mins. That was an excellent service.

If they could ditch a shareholder then it would be an excellent company

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Ofcom probes BT over fibre pricing after repeated gripes from TalkTalk

ukgnome
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erm

Am I missing something as I though the tender to fibre the land was put out to numerous companies and BT won. Wouldn't that mean that Talk Talk was offered the chance to bid but didn't and now they are in a huff that another business is charging them to use the infrastructure that it has put down?

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Facebook: Yeah, we'll ban chainsaw beheading vids - when journos call us

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: I can't work out from the article if...

Is this really any different than the Vietnam war era pictures of executions?

Erm, yes it's totally different - this is SOCIAL media, not ANTI-SOCIAL media.

Social = relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure.

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Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack forms foraging party

ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

Re: @Lester

And where do these "soy sauce and fresh herbs" you speak of come from?

that would be the delivery van heist that is planned for Thursday

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ukgnome
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destroying angel

Yeah it kills you, but does it taste nice before that happens?

Seriously though, top man for doing this and +1 for El reg for letting you post your week on here.

However I donated to hear of suffering (well not but y'know) so far it seems to be going OK. When does the running from the law because you nicked some paprika happen? When does the delivery van heist start?

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Brit horologist hammers out ‘first’ ATOMIC-POWERED watch

ukgnome
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Where can I get one?

I have searched and not found one, not that I am likely able to afford it. But it is my 40th coming up and maybe a family member would like to buy me one.

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Pirates scoff at games dev sim's in-game piracy lesson

ukgnome
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Pirate

I used to be quite prolific in copying and cracking games and the odd OS, until that is I had an epiphany.

Put simply, I wouldn't use pirated material unless I could write the software or record and produce the music for the same or less.

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BadNews, fandroids: MILLIONS of Google Play downloads riddled with malware

ukgnome
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Fear not Fandroids - Eastern Europe is not the world

I have looked at the 32 apps that have been removed,

20 are purely in Russian, so most of us won't see them. And the other 12 don't exactly butter my bread, with such classics as "star knife, find number, stupid birds, savage knife".

I would been keen to know if any apps that I see from my play store is malware ridden. Still, this is probably not a huge issue compared to numbers of downloads globally.

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Maggie Thatcher: The Iron Lady who saved us from drab Post Office mobes

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: So very sad to see El reg delete comments

Ones man's trash is another man's treasure.

Witless walls of rabid swearing - er nope, just 3 F's - sorry that you're so sensitive.

or just rubbish - er nope, factual.

Pardon you for quality control - the reason for the icon on the left.

* I think I will take a break from the reg, you have become a parody.

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ukgnome
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So very sad to see El reg delete comments

I know thatcher wasn't everyone's cup of tea, , but with registers recent article on press freedom the deletion of negative comments is a joke!

Especially as you can't libel the deceased.

The vulture has lost it's teeth

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

MISSING LINK between HUMANS and MONKEYS FOUND

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Missing Link between humans and monkies found

I was expecting Apple users

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The ten SEXIEST computers of ALL TIME

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

WHAT!

No Archimedes!

And the inclusion of the PS3 is laughable, as that's not even a computer in the most traditional sense.

But the Cray is sexy, very very sexy. At the same time as the cray all IBM could manage was the system 36's and towards the end of the 80's the as400 (although I do have a soft spot for the 36's).

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Android FOUND ON TABLETS inscribed with WORD OF GOD

ukgnome
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Joke

Who knew that God loves androids, although I suppose the Google mantra of Do No Evil was appealing. Although i would of thought that with all the churches money they would resurrect the psalm.

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US Navy blasts drones with ship-mounted LASER CANNON

ukgnome
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It needs a better name!

Ship's Laser Arial Precision for Human or Electronic Attack Devices

SLAPHEAD!

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Gov report: Actually, evil City traders DIDN'T cause the banking crash

ukgnome
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Trollface

How long before this changes to - Benefit scroungers caused the recession?

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Rocket boffinry in pictures: Gulp the Devil's venom and light a match

ukgnome
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@Lester

Nice article Lester, I could read about and look at pictures of rockets all day. And thanks to having two small boys at home I often do.

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Steve Jobs to supervise iPhone 6 FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

ukgnome
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Trollface

It is well known that Steve Jobs was into homoeopathy, so it's not unreasonable to state that a tiny part of Jobs is in every forthcoming device.

***If you actually believe that kind of bullshit!

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Lost CASSiE search moves up a gear

ukgnome
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Unhappy

I can't believe that little fella is out there somewhere. Hopefully some kind old lady is feeding him milk and cat food.

Come home soon little CASSiE

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IT Pro confession: How I helped in the BIGGEST DDoS OF ALL TIME

ukgnome
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This sort of article is why I continue my readership of the Reg.

A very informative article.

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MI5 undercover spies: People are falsely claiming to be us

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: Quotes

You will never get on in these forums with an attitude like that.

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Reg man bested in geek-to-geek combat - in World War 3 nerve centre

ukgnome
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Groupon Deal

Why not bag yourself this Groupon deal http://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/norwich and take a look.

Finally a groupon that isn't totally useless.

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Pyongyang Photoshop tomfoolery shows wet Norks, skirts blown up

ukgnome
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Re: Is it me?

Rightyho, - do you see all those hovercraft?

You do, excellent, now can you see the identical hovercraft?

You can, excellent, now can see you they are totally identical?

You can't?

Maybe you need to look at this "how to" - http://www.instructables.com/id/Clone-Yourself-Using-Adobe-Photoshop/

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Wealthy London NIMBYs grit teeth, welcome 'ugly' fibre cabinets

ukgnome
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Re: Cal me thick, but...

erm....mainly because when they go wrong you would have to lower an engineer into the subterranean box. This means they would need a certificate to work in confined spaces, the boxes would be prone to flooding and may also overheat.

Essentially, cost

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Yahoo! makes Brit teen app maker VERY RICH with Summly buy

ukgnome
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Even though I am so very very jealous I am also happy that a Brit is triumphant!

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

ukgnome
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Devil

I thought Fry liked pedantry

Lets not suck the vultures dick on this one, El Reg, is sometimes nasty mainly funny and occasionally informative (well the bits I read) It doesn't pretend to know anything about the arts and I have a feeling it wouldn't try to. Essentially if Fry wants to wade knee deep in the tears of fallen users then he has to be prepared for a dose of heavy weight pedantry.

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Stephen Fry explains… Alan Turing's amazing computer

ukgnome
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Re: @Chris W and @Dave 126

People hang off his every word as if his view is important, but it is no more important than my view on Tesco.

We all too easily seek some sort of authorisation from celebrity and it's killing the world slowly (maybe a tad over the top) but I am sure you get the gist. His view is no more or less important than mine, simply put I don't care for his social commentary on things he knows little about. He's what we in the IT industry call a user. And the day I take advice from one of them is the day I give my BOFH cup to a PFY.

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ukgnome
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Devil

I have an issue with Fry

I love the bloke, and am enthused that he enjoys tech but he's just a bloody consumer. He doesn't work in a tech environment (judging by my companies PC of choice, neither do I)

But that is all he is, a consumer. He's no more an expert commentator on tech than I am on supermarket shopping. Although my Tesco poem is award winning. I say to combat this we all join an actors guild and muscle in on his turf.

What an arse!

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Apple: Our data centers are green. The other 98% of what we do ...

ukgnome
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Normally I am one of the first in line for a bit of Apple bashing (tech scrumping?)

But I totally salute this move, we work in the most polluting of industries so anything that can help is minimise the impact environmentally is a huge thumbs up.

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Victoria and Albert museum in narrow escape from Napalm Death

ukgnome
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Pirate

At least let them play their masterpiece - You Suffer

At just less than a second I am sure it will be fine.

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Young model ruthlessly fingers upskirt iPad petshop pervert

ukgnome
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Re: Seriously? OK I'll bite

Obviously you're new here, so let me begin by greeting you "Borag Thungg, Earthlet"

You see, some of are not even human and quite possibly may already sell upskirts of our wives, not daughters though, as techies we hardly procreate as it's not the same as in the movies. Of course by movies I actually mean whichever tube we are watching. As for scumbags, we are hardly on par with Jabba the Hutt - speaking of Jabba, how's your momma?

Since the dawn of civilisation men have been trying to look at the lady garden - it's not big and it's not clever (no not your momma, actually that's factually incorrect) and is defiantly a bit creepy (yes, your momma again) Essentially the way in which you express your opinion is the same as trying to take a creep shot with an ipad. Retarded, but fun to take the piss out of (again - your momma ) - except the piss part LOL

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Boffin road trip! The Reg presents Geek's Guide to Britain

ukgnome
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Boffin

Oh you lemon tea nay-sayers

It's simply the only drink that is toxic enough to taste the same no matter what drinking vessel you choose.

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ukgnome
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This is my kind of geocaching!

WIFE! bring me my boots, my hat and a thermos of lemon tea.

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Syrian hacktivists hijack BBC Weather feed

ukgnome
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Trollface

At least when in the hands of the miscreants the weather forecast is more accurate.

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Another MYSTERY evacuation: Google UK empties swanky offices

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

Go on give us a Google wave. Oh, sorry.

Funniest caption this year (so far)

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That Osbo bloke - he's on your Twitters. 'What a c**k'

ukgnome
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helping those who want to work hard

What a stupid twat - sorry twatter. sorry tweet!

No one wants to work hard, we all want to do as little as possible for as much money as we can, Hell that's why I got into I.T.

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Is UK web speech regulated? No.10: Er. We’ll get back to you

ukgnome
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WTF?

Re: @Chris Rowland

"Given a choice between the government and the press I'd trust the government's honesty and integrity more than the press"

If it wasn't for the press we wouldn't know what a bunch of lying cheating scummers those MP types are.

Or has everyone forgotten the expenses scandal? The speeding points saga? Jeffrey Archer?

Not all people in the press are guttersnipes, yes there are some upskirt paps, and some phone bug ne'er-do-wells but there are also some highly skilled and highly trained individuals that in some circumstances put their life on the line just so that you know what is going on in the world. A choice between the government or the press, no contest the press wins, whilst they may have a small collections of naughty types they don't have as many as the government.

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ukgnome
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Re: What about forums on news related web sites?

OK - so some moderated forum comments may or may not be subject to this regulation, as it would depend on what legal definition could be argued by a lawyer. OK, I am fine with that loose definition, as I don't usually post too many insulting swipes.

However, in the past I may of posted some things that were not true and may deeply offend people (Murdoch, I'm thinking of you, you bloody weasel) Would the regulation be in force for the past comments or is everything before just fine as long as you don't do it again?

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Build a BONKERS gaming PC

ukgnome
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Angel

Dear Santa,

I have been mainly good this year, and I don't envisage been bad for the remainder of the year. What I really really want, apart from seeing Lohan achieve it's goal is a PC like what has been described in the article.

I realise my mummy might not be able to afford all the parts I need, so if you could help her out then that would be wonderful.

Merry Xmas

Ukgnome

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LOHAN hooks up with top-flight rocketeer

ukgnome
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Shackleton

Can we give him a cool rocketeer name? I'm thinking "High Seat" as his call sign!

*you do all use cool names don't you?

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BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

ukgnome
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Ha ha ha - When I worked on a helpdesk, almost a thousand years ago we used an aspect phone system. Simply by dialling a number and hanging up I was placed at the back of the queue for available agents.

This helped maintain my call statistics for over a year. What I found more surprising is that the fellow drones had not worked this out. But then again, they were typical helpdeskers without a hint of BOFH about them.

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SimCity 4

ukgnome
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Trollface

The only thing I want to see is....

A UK mode, where traffic drives on the correct side and the population are more tolerant.

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Ten pi-fect projects for your new Raspberry Pi

ukgnome
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Pi-BX looks like a great little project.

My only obstacles to little projects are wife based.

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eBay: Our paid Google advertising was a total waste of money

ukgnome
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Trollface

I thought they dropped the B in eBay to just ebay - or is that just their logo?

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