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* Posts by ukgnome

1117 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Saucy Star Wars strip show - sorry, burlesque - to tour Down Under

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Re: Sad

I read that as phantom menstrate

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NASA: THE TRUTH about the END OF THE WORLD on 21 Dec

ukgnome
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Alien

Of course NASA say that, but we all know the truth. Now where did I put my tin foil hat?

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Help-desk hell

ukgnome
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Indian Help Desk Operative

I know a lot of people have issues with some overseas contact centres, but once in a while you get a gem like this.

Me - hi, I am having an issue with my broadband router

Them - thank you for calling, can I take your account number

Me - bear with me

Them - Sir! you must leave your house right away

Me - eh?

Them - it is very dangerous to have a bear in your house, your could be killed, please hang up and leave.

It turns out that he was trained in england and was fascinated with the language and dual meanings. He never actually fixed by broadband but he did make me smile.

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No more fun and games for Zynga as Facebook cuts apron strings

ukgnome
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You don't need FB to chat with your Auntie in the Orkneys either.

If facebook was sentient then it would be a ginger step-child.

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Ten badass brainy computers from science fiction

ukgnome
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Re: Thankfully you forgot

In a previous life with EDS we had a unix tech who liked to bully the IMAC agents. However the classic Jurassic line of "It's a UNIX system, I know this!" followed by "if an 8 yo girl can do it then it must be for noobs" used to result in him hanging up.

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ukgnome
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Nice to see Proteus in the mix - truly terrifying, thought that WOPR might get a mention , but I guess it wasn't sentient.

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Troll sues Apple for daring to plug headphones into iPhone

ukgnome
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Joke

I'm just waiting until there are enough handsets to launch my multi-lawsuit against all manufactures.

In it my patent describes holes \ slats \ slits that are placed in front of a speaker to facilitate the hearing of the speaker if it is mounted in a case that can be utilised for mobile transportation. This only applies to devices that are no larger than 4.5 inches across.

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RETURN of the PLAYMONAUT: El Reg's space hero suits up again

ukgnome
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Playmonaut - this country salutes you!

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Belgian finds missus was born a MAN after 19 YEARS of marriage

ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

Yes I would be angry at the lies, I thought that was clear.

Glad we can agree in honesty, just wish you hadn't resorted in your posts to name calling. It devalued your argument but did highlight your passion. Tsk humans eh, thank fuck I'm a teapot shaped like a bellend.

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

Ok then, I'll bite just one more time as it has been a slow support day....

"I'll reiterate, again, the point you don't seem to understand blah blah blah hence my suggestion that you revise your working model to acknowledge these conditions and realities."

There is conflicting scientific information out there, I am looking at the biology of the situation and not the metaphysical or psychological aspects. May I suggest that you revise your working knowledge to deal with one point at a time. Otherwise we take this to the ridiculous - if you think you are a kettle does that make you a kettle?

"You seem to expect that transgendered people should have to wear some sort of badge to indicate that they are Not Normal - why exactly do you have an issue with them being treated by their gender identity where this differs from their birth gender?"

Telling me how I think is a bit odd, you don't know me or know how I think. I have said that honesty is the most important thing. I would want to know if my partner was transgendered / murderer / apple user / so that I can make my own decision at the time. If you build a relationship on omission then you are not been honest. By getting offended at my honesty you are showing that you are not as tolerant as you think you are. Also, I have no issue with them, if you want to call yourself a teapot then great, but it doesn't actually make you a teapot. I guess this wouldn't ever be an issue if you was honest and upfront.

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

@Michelle Knight

First point - agreed, it's not as simple as it at first appears but a large portion is perception, and perception is an individual thing. As I have said if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it might not actually be a duck.

Second point - Honesty is always the best policy, not just in relationships but in life. If you can be honest with yourself and people around you then you have won gold - no matter what your preference/gender assignment/employment history.

Third point - physical violence is the tool of the pikey, those that cannot debate or use logical reason usually resort to this. It is pathetic and all forms of man \ women \ trans bi \gay resort to this. it is not a hetrosexual response to problems.

I never thought that this would be so controversial - The only real issue is the 19 years of what could be described as lies and deceit.

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

@captain underpants

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

You seem to want to write an essay on this just because someone disagrees - You seem to want to provoke me with your "Do try and keep up." excrement. People have different views, get over yourself and move on. Your diatribe seems to mention everything except people who have a prejudice against people with OCD.

Maybe the XY chromosome isn't the best point, but it is valid in almost all cases, having skimmed the site that Michelle Knight posted and a couple of others

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

"They do it to become physically what they are mentally"

But for some men this doesn't change the fact that their partner has an X and a Y chromosome, if this hasn't been disclosed then you have every right to be very pissed off.

Try to leave emotion out of debates like this as it has clouded your scientific minds.

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ukgnome
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Re: Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

@captain underpants

Right, brain engaged - but unfortunately the cold hard logic part of the brain that deals with science and stuff and not the emotional part of the brain that screams lies all lies

1. No, my partner would still be a man, no matter what their outward appearance is. This is not a case of if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

2. Not just Lester's choice of focus in the article but the focus of every journalist that has covered this case. But that's what journo's do. Otherwise were is the story? Shocker as Belgian mans marriage fails after reading txt.

"But there are many who simply cannot get past infantile and simplistic notions"

Welcome to planet earth!

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ukgnome
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Terminator

Is this an Autobot or Decepticon Transgender

Wow - Lester, it seems that some people don't like this boot note.

I first read this on Digital Spy in the Odd news section and almost sent this to El Reg's news room (glad I didn;t, I can't handle the down votes, they make me cry)

This piece isn't offensive or disrespectful, it is what it is. In this world of cyber sex and troll posting this is just the human side of things. Most people wouldn't want to find out that their partner is not all they seem, unless they are married to their car and it turns out to be a transformer. Been marred to a transformer would be cool, although some people wouldn't understand why you are married to a ten foot tall robot. If I found out my partner was a man then I would also be angry and hurt and upset. However if they were actually a sleek and sexy transforming robot then I wouldn't be as angry.

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'Boson' Higgs: Yes, CERN has seen the coming of the God particle

ukgnome
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Joke

This would be good except : -

Such a shame that the Mayans were right and we are all about to die in some some of galactic cataclysm.

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Comet crashes to Earth: 125 stores wiped out

ukgnome
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Jobcentre Plus

You know were to come ;-)

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Japan firm offers mums-to-be 3D printed unborn infants

ukgnome
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Wow

So now it is possible to to "print" babies I wonder how long until a whole sexy human is printed.

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Android users: More of them than fanbois, but they don't use the web

ukgnome
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I only ever browse the radio 2 and radio 4 podcasts on my droid.

All other browsing gets done at work.

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Bradley Manning to speak in public for first time in two years

ukgnome
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You do get credit in the UK too - I had a fine slashed in half for spending a weekend in the cells. I was unemployed at the time and enjoyed my brief stint inside. They had the best cheese ploughman's sandwiches I seem to recall.

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Bash Street bytes: Do UK schools really need the Raspberry Pi?

ukgnome
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Re: Stuff adults don't think of

"Similarly a pi is a circuit board with wires sticking out of it everywhere. Young kids love that shit"

Couldn't agree more - although I now have to take apart all manner of gadgets - although that's no bad thing.

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ukgnome
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It doesn't matter what device the kids use or are exposed to. Kids love tech, it's a plain fact. And if you can use tech in a creative way then the kids will learn. In a class of 40 you are not going to get 40 coders, but I almost guarantee that you will get 40 users.

My son (4yo) doesn't always trust me with tech, he thinks i am some sort of dinosaur. Although he does understand that I mend things. (seemingly the impossible, such as jelly or welding metal just by looking at it) but when he saw me connecting the Pi to the TV he was awe struck. The comprehension that such a tiny thing could firstly connect to the TV and then "do things" (his words) - I set the Pi up with a doorbell attachment, and whenever he presses it it plays a random silly noise. Now I realise that this isn't going to change the world, and the bit of programming is lame, but to a 4yo this is super hero territory. Especially as he watched, and asked quite advanced questions about the programming process. It's also great that he wants to press the button to annoy his mum, he is a human debugger. If it goes wrong he reports it to tech support and we fix together. He has already taken the Pi to school to show his class, and has managed to explain what was done, and how it works. (and he never once said it works on witchcraft or magic pixie dust)

I guess what I am saying is we are giving the kids a chance to be exposed into something that potentially could be great. It may be basic to us adults, and all a bit frivolous but to a 4yo this sort of things could make you a super hero. Lets keep the dreams alive

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‘Anonymous’ takes down Texan RFID-tracking school

ukgnome
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Joke

I wonder if the girl that has sparked this pseudo outrage has a phone? Or does she wear a tin-foil hat as part of her religious beliefs?

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Jubcropgate: El Reg in snake-fondling nude nipslip outrage

ukgnome
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Paris Hilton

Hardly the shocker that I expected - I have seen more nipple on my train journey from Norwich to Ipswich. A truly terrifying time was had when I controlled the flesh filter fir a strategic health authority. It was often quite hard to gauge what email should go through and what should be blocked.

*Paris, because she would never let a nipple slip upset her.

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Man strives to shatter Call of Duty world record

ukgnome
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I would just like to add -

what a feckless loser

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Sandy 'Mary Celeste' Island undiscovered - again

ukgnome
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Sandy Island? Maybe it's Tracey island in disguise.

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NASA admits hiding 'really good' news from Martian soil

ukgnome
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I thought the whole point was the rover was looking for water or evidence of water, and did not have the apps for searching for life.

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Wii U disassembly reveals unusual innards

ukgnome
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@AC

Sounds like you know my Wife :-)

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ukgnome
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I will be sending my Wife to the shops on the 30th, yes she has a broken foot but if I have to fund the console for her and the kids she will just have to suffer, like my wallet has.

ZombieU looks good, so I might play on it myself :-)

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Kobo Glo illuminated e-reader review

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Yes, the light isn’t situated behind the screen, but let’s not split hairs

But what's wrong with Kobo's description?

Built-in ComfortLight technology with micro-thin hard coating for durability and even light distribution.

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Power to the people - if you can find a spare socket

ukgnome
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upvoted for pointing this out to me.

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ukgnome
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Your trains sound lush - not like the Greater Anglia fleet.

As for sockets, I often ask our esteemed facility manager about the possibilities of having a useful power management solution. No matter how many cups of tea I give her the fact remains she seemingly refuses to listen to common or uncommon sense.

Behind every PC and monitor is a snakes nest of wires,

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Easy to use, virus free, secure: Aaah, how I miss my MAINFRAME

ukgnome
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Never worked on a mainframe

but did a fair bit on 1980's mini's as an operator.

I do miss mounting tapes, but don't miss the sound of a drive failing.

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LOHAN to join mile-high club with BRITNEY or NAOMI?

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

"unsuitable for a family publication such as El Reg."

New keyboard or some wipes please!

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Dell starts up 'Top Gun' for channel hotshots, leather jackets and all

ukgnome
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Joke

Seeing that jacket took my breath away

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Nazi Enigma encoding machine sells in London for over £80k

ukgnome
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Coat

Why did it go for such a high amount?

I guess it's an enigma!

*The one with cryptography for 2579141451819 in the hidden pocket

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Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

ukgnome
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Cyberpunks will soon have

Wearable android arm grieves. Where do I sign up?

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El Reg mulls commentard icon portfolio shake-up

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: No icons...

And now I have had to upvote you for your sincerity.

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ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: No icons...

I downvoted you, and will do so for ever more.

Does that make you feel better?

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ukgnome
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Yes Yes Yes

We need a fandroid, Popcorn, kamikaze

and for the yanks - an asshat

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Alan Sugar's YouView loses brand judgment in court

ukgnome
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Myview on yourview

They care so much about yourview that they haven't registered http://www.yourview.co.uk/

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Apple bans 'memory' games from iOS App Store

ukgnome
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Re: I was wondering whether you had any pirate memory games

we don't seem to have any - let me ask my wife

Margret, MARGRET - do we have any pirate memory games?

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ROGUE PLANET WITHOUT A SUN spotted in interstellar space

ukgnome
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Is it too early to welcome our new robot leaders?

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Skyfall makers 3D printed Bond's DB5

ukgnome
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Headmaster

Decimation in modern parlance no longer means 1 tenth, is often used to refer to an extreme reduction.

I don't agree with it, but then again there are whole sections of the OED that I have a problem with.

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What happened to comics for kids? Hell, what happened to COMICS?

ukgnome
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Totally agree

Every Saturday I used to but the Eagle (the 1980's one)

I think that the psychotic computer Max from the thirteenth floor had a huge influence on my career choice. I would even go as far to say that Max of Maxwell towers was the first BOFH.

And don't get me started on Doomlord - I think I might of cried when Doomlord realised that mankind wasn't that bad and he went back to live at Mrs Sousters guest house.

Nowadays comics seem so expensive, and less clever - although I still buy X-Men (for my sons, honest) and spiderman (for the wife)

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Top prosecutor warns troll-hunting cops not to choke courts

ukgnome
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Re: harden the **** up

I do not fear this law or the enforcement of it. And to prove it.....

The AC OP is a ninny and a twonk that uses words like fuck to antagonise people, his sort should be taken outside, tied to a lamp post and be violated with a traffic cone.

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English Defence League website 'defaced, pwned' by hacktivists

ukgnome
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Devil

Sigh, I will try and answer or UKGNOME v the mythical "They"

Q, Who is going to defend you when the diversity enact their laws that mean that you are, at best, a second-class citizen?

A, The diversity? Nope not a clue, are you talking about climate change hippies or UKIP

Q, Do you really think that they will respect your left-wing causes?

A, Again, just who the feck are "they" presumably some right wing nut jobs

Q, And really, you don't even respect your own culture and traditions, so why should they?

A, Own culture and traditions. Right, that's it everyone - come the next fire festival I expect you all to be there. Away with you Christianity, we don't want you on our Pagan isle.

Q, What are you going to do when they tell you that you must convert to their religion or pay a special tax?

A, "special tax" you make it sound so seedy and as for telling you to convert well let me tell you buddy I aint no stinking transformer.

Q, When they accuse you of blasphemy in order to take your property?

A, Erm nope, at a loss, you simply need to give me more info.

Q, What are you going to do when they ban alcohol and everything associated with it, including pubs and clubs?

A, Again, just who is this "they" group? but to answer your question - Presumably no longer go to pubs and clubs.

Q, What are you going to do when they tell you what you can't eat?

A, As a vegetarian this has little or no bearing on me. So largely I will ignore the mythical "They"

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ukgnome
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Re: Say what you like about the EDL..

"and last time I checked they dont go around killing thier daughters in the name of Honour !"

They would have to find someone to procreate with first of all, and lets not pull punches but all those big boots and shaved heads wouldn't look out of place at a Frankie goes to Hollywood convention.

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ukgnome
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Shame it's just the website

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

These EDL pricks were in Norwich over the weekend. It was very clear that they are of a lower intelligence (some would say they fitted in) Although to be fair to the fine folk of the city even the flat landers have a high IQ compared to the EDL.

When the one hundred or so idiots began to march they actually went the wrong way, and when interviewed why they are marching the sample poll didn't have a clue. Now I am all for freedom of speech, it is afterall a human right so they can march all they want, but in expressing freedom of speech you have to accept that sooner or later your website will be pwned. And because I am all for freedom of speech I am happy to go on the record to congratulate the ZCompany on their fine work and point out to the EDL that a rag tag bunch of racist bigots doesn't scare anyone. Dinosaurs die out and so do twunts. If you have time then view the youtube clips - the comments are funnier than the actual clips.

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Man, 19, cuffed after burning Remembrance poppy pic is Facebooked

ukgnome
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Pint

Re: Misuse of misuse act!

He was in the navy, on mine sweepers, but no he wasn't conscripted he actually thought that the UK was worth saving. He was proud on the country and what it meant to be free. Free to burn poppies if that's your thing. He was also very ahead of his time with regards to social injustice. So many tales about this great man, such as the time he was physically thrown off a tram in South Africa for letting a pregnant lady sit down. Or his dislike for the army squaddies using his local pub, legend has it he walked in and in a raised voice said " one at a time, or all at once. Either way you are leaving my pub" apparently the squaddies left.

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