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* Posts by ukgnome

1306 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Look out, fanbois! EVIL charger will inject FILTH into your iPHONE

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Secure compared to Windows

But I have a double deadbolt on my windows and only a bowl protecting my apple.

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Asus boasts of Haswell fondleslab threesome to get Acer hot under collar

ukgnome
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Terminator

“We seek to find a perfect balance between engineering and humanity.”

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the T101"

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Motorola shows off tattoo and swallowable password hardware

ukgnome
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Re: Tatoos?

Are yes, but these ones are pronounced twat-oo's

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Microsoft offers free keyboard covers for Surface RT

ukgnome
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Joke

For those that didn't bother to read the small print....

It also includes a free brown paper bag with 2 eye holes cut into it so you remain anonymous.

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A Bluetooth door lock that puts the kettle on? NOW we're in the future

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Proteus IV

"Bzzt Once I have let you in and put the kettle on will you let me out of this box? Bzzzt"

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NASA: Trip to Mars would exceed 'fatal cancer' radiation risk

ukgnome
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Re: superhero powers

Tell that to the Fantastic Four!

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PayPal denies stiffing bug-hunting teen on bounty

ukgnome
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Devil

Good old Paypal - Did you know?

There site and service is terrible.

Did you know that you can link your bank account and make a couple of transactions? You did, I thought so.

Did you know that you can then close your bank account and continue to pay for things using Paypal? You didn't, oh well you can.

Did you know it takes a couple of days (at least) for Paypal to notice? Great system isn't it.

I had actually paid for some items, had them delivered before they even noticed.

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Kettle 'which looks like HITLER' brews up sturm in a teacup

ukgnome
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Joke

I thought it looked like Eadon, that kettle clearly hates Microsoft!

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World's richest hobo (Apple) has worked 'tax-free' in Ireland since '80s

ukgnome
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Trollface

No wonder Google and eBay set up shop in Ireland, they must of known about this fruity fortune.

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Vodafone revenues hit as customers in Europe hang onto their cash

ukgnome
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Trollface

Oh Heck! Does this mean they will be paying even less UK tax than usual?

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Space dogs and Dragons: A brief history of reentry tech

ukgnome
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Pint

Wow

This makes my distressing return home using Greater Anglia a positively fluffy kitten.

<----A beer for the brave Men and Women that do this

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MYSTERY Nokia Lumia with gazillion-pixel camera 'spotted'

ukgnome
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Re: With 20Mp sensor - NOW will you try Windows Phone 8?

no amount of hardware can make up for a crap operating system.

You have probably never seen a lumia, let alone used one. If you had then you would understand why it deserves to be the No1 smartphone on the market.

Android is a mixed bag, too many handsets and too many versions of OS

iPhone has stagnated and failed to innovate

Win 8 \ Lumia is a robust, fast, almost sexy phone that has power (sadly lacking in some apps)

I'm an android user, but as soon as my old phone gives up the ghost I will invest in a mid-range lumia!

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Nintendo throws flaming legal barrel at YouTubing fans

ukgnome
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Re: Legal opinion needed

Surely there is a difference between a review (good or bad) compared to profiting from someone else's IP. Sadly the chap had adverts before his clips which generated profit for himself. If I had had "x" and someone was using it in a video without my permission then I would be miffed. Especially as the terms and conditions of "X" state that i cannot copy\ distribute\ use images of etc

Yes Nintendo are miffed that they are not profiting from this, but is it right? NOPE! (IMHO)

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Crack Army pilot to be first PROPER British astronaut IN SPAAAACE

ukgnome
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Alien

I thought the playmonaut was the first!

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Cameron's Tech City: Desks? Yes. Cash? Yes. Coders? Nope

ukgnome
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Re: London centric obsessing

Totally agree - If they moved location to somewhere else they wouldn't have this problem.

Based on rail links and the like a great location would be Doncaster. Although it's not everyone's cup of tea!

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Give porno danger classes to Brit kids as young as FIVE - parents

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Please start being parents...

+1 - what this chap said.

I know it's easy for us types that seemingly spend our working day online, and as such are meant to be a little more intelligent when it comes to dealing with the internet and it's many dark corners BUT maybe parents should have some more assistance. Most of the rejects I meet when picking up my Son can barely stop themselves from swearing like sailors in a brothel. In fact most of them can't actually stop themselves!

I doubt that the majority have the understanding on how to configure a browser or how access to such sites can be blocked.

Now I don't want an imposed opt in scheme, so maybe parenting classes wouldn't be a bad thing. Oh jeez, I realise I have just suggested that we bring back the ECDL.

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Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

ukgnome
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Re: Made up fact

http://www.yateshoppingcentre.co.uk

Yate Shopping Centre has 4 car parks with over 1650 car parking spaces, which allow free parking for up to 4 hours.

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IT bloke publishes comprehensive maps of CALL CENTRE menu HELL

ukgnome
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Pint

Top work that man - Have a virtual pint

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Hunt: I'll barcode sick Brits and rip up NHS's paper prescriptions

ukgnome
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Beep - Beep - Beep

Unexpected human in the baggage area

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Google 'DOES DO EVIL', thunders British politician

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: Of course, we could just leave the EU

"so Google would close it's UK office and open one in Europe."

The UK is in Europe you dummy!

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ukgnome
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Headmaster

Schools of some sums!

I say bring in the Gove

As education minister he should have this nailed in no time at all. It's only a pesky GCSE maths problem. For example....

Dave, John and Simon are sales reps in London. Brian is their manager that works from Dublin. If the sales reps email their sales reports to Brian then how many bananas are sold in France?

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Dark blue side of the Force used to quell Star Wars nerd clash

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Norwich University? @ James Hughes 1

Are you serious, Norwich is a nice city.

Oh dear boyo, Norwich is actually fine city according to there biased advertising slogans, Nice just doesn't cut the colemans!

And as I actually live in the city of mustard and turkey I can say on record that it is much like any other city except it doesn't have great roads or practical rail connections and the airport is a bit shit.

It's the sort of city that you design in Sim-city when you don't have much money.

(Biased Norwich resident)*

* Not local though, my genes come from the north!

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Boffins plan to drop €250,000 TEST-TUBE BURGER on London

ukgnome
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WTF?

Re: An ethical vegetarian?

Oh dear, I used to spout this kind of clap trap to other vegetarians. (and I am one!) Put simply most vegetarians are not Buddhists and do not subscribe to this blinkered view on what it means to be called ethical as per your insinuation. After all, you could also list insects on windscreens, weevils in cotton and the 8 spiders we eat whilst sleeping. All of which would be classed as some sort of vegetarian genocide attempt.

Most vegetarians that I know tend to take the view that they will not eat animals by way of an act of concious decision but have the understanding that some animals inadvertently expire due to the harvest of natures bounty. Vegetarianism isn't (usually) about a superiority complex, we are no better and no worse than meat eaters. In fact I will go as far as to say that the modern vegetarian diet has probably changed the landscape for the worse, whilst assisting in the deforestation of the planet and the killing of the bees. Although most vege's will also take the time to assist in replanting as well as the encouragement of preserving natural resources for the insects.

Oh and YES I do grow my own food, and I chuck the snails onto my bird table - I must be seem unethical by your high standards. Oh, and for the record I would consider trying lab grown meat, but not whilst it is in it's early stages.

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Global nappy hawker trials TweetPee moist-baby monitor

ukgnome
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Joke

When the turtle detector is invented

I will be able to follow my kids movements on twitter!

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Lego fan constructs Bletchley Park Colossus

ukgnome
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Coat

Wouldn't the heat from all those valves melt the bricks?

*the one with the EF36 in the pocket socket

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Builder-in-a-hole outrage sparks Special Projects Bureau safety probe

ukgnome
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Missing equipment and H&S nightmare

I find the picture of the nice builder chap in all his PPE quite frighting, he is clearly missing a grubby cup of super strength builders tea!

Also I note that you have pink plastic patio chairs, don't you know how lethal they can be, a total H&S nightmare waiting to happen?

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TARDIS materialises in Sydney

ukgnome
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Re: " ... Dr Who homewares, a range of crockery and other kitchen kit."

That's not a laser, it's a screwdriver!

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Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack enters the final furlong

ukgnome
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Joke

Such as shame

That the next £6 you spend will be on bog roll.

Enjoy the wipe!

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Urban Farming

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

Actually Jake me and missus gnome often grow our own. Well I say me and missus gnome when that in fact is an outright lie. Missus gnome does the veg whilst I work mainly on maintaining the flowers. Although this year I am growing some onions amongst my flowerbed.

Currently we have the following :-

Rhubarb, onions, peas, spuds, lettuce, cabbage, pumpkins and courgettes. unfortunately the leaks and carrots have died. I expect this of the carrots as I have never had a great crop which is unusual as i live in Norfolk. But the leaks, this brings much sadness into my life. As for the flowers I grow, put simply I use a meadow mix of lots of different ones. I couldn't tell you there names, but they do look pretty and the bees and butterfly love them.

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Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

ukgnome
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saintcrockoshit

Whilst saintcroix has a minor point that wealthy people do not know the true meaning of poverty I do think he has rather missed the point. The challenge isn't about experiencing poverty but surely highlighting poverty whilst earning money through sponsorship.

Also, as Lester is possibly the only journo that I would be happy to defend in a knife fight (SPB is the foremost reason I stick with the Reg) I can safely say that he probably isn't a millionaire tycoon. Not many journo's are. Usually they are greasy sweaty men that look like poor people or overweight puff balls that spend any surplus expenses on irn bru and cake. Of course I may be incorrect, and if I am the Lester can you lend me a few quid guv?

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The UK's copyright landgrab: The FAQ

ukgnome
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Trollface

Bastard Ltd

Does anyone fancy crowd funding this business and setting up a diligent search company?

I foresee a lot of money in this venture

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BSkyB seeks 100s of Geordies to deal with broadband customer growth

ukgnome
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Great customer support

I had cause to phone them yesterday - they recovered my HD boxes functionality within 5 mins. That was an excellent service.

If they could ditch a shareholder then it would be an excellent company

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Ofcom probes BT over fibre pricing after repeated gripes from TalkTalk

ukgnome
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erm

Am I missing something as I though the tender to fibre the land was put out to numerous companies and BT won. Wouldn't that mean that Talk Talk was offered the chance to bid but didn't and now they are in a huff that another business is charging them to use the infrastructure that it has put down?

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Facebook: Yeah, we'll ban chainsaw beheading vids - when journos call us

ukgnome
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FAIL

Re: I can't work out from the article if...

Is this really any different than the Vietnam war era pictures of executions?

Erm, yes it's totally different - this is SOCIAL media, not ANTI-SOCIAL media.

Social = relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure.

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Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack forms foraging party

ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

Re: @Lester

And where do these "soy sauce and fresh herbs" you speak of come from?

that would be the delivery van heist that is planned for Thursday

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ukgnome
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destroying angel

Yeah it kills you, but does it taste nice before that happens?

Seriously though, top man for doing this and +1 for El reg for letting you post your week on here.

However I donated to hear of suffering (well not but y'know) so far it seems to be going OK. When does the running from the law because you nicked some paprika happen? When does the delivery van heist start?

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Brit horologist hammers out ‘first’ ATOMIC-POWERED watch

ukgnome
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Where can I get one?

I have searched and not found one, not that I am likely able to afford it. But it is my 40th coming up and maybe a family member would like to buy me one.

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Pirates scoff at games dev sim's in-game piracy lesson

ukgnome
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Pirate

I used to be quite prolific in copying and cracking games and the odd OS, until that is I had an epiphany.

Put simply, I wouldn't use pirated material unless I could write the software or record and produce the music for the same or less.

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BadNews, fandroids: MILLIONS of Google Play downloads riddled with malware

ukgnome
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Fear not Fandroids - Eastern Europe is not the world

I have looked at the 32 apps that have been removed,

20 are purely in Russian, so most of us won't see them. And the other 12 don't exactly butter my bread, with such classics as "star knife, find number, stupid birds, savage knife".

I would been keen to know if any apps that I see from my play store is malware ridden. Still, this is probably not a huge issue compared to numbers of downloads globally.

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Maggie Thatcher: The Iron Lady who saved us from drab Post Office mobes

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: So very sad to see El reg delete comments

Ones man's trash is another man's treasure.

Witless walls of rabid swearing - er nope, just 3 F's - sorry that you're so sensitive.

or just rubbish - er nope, factual.

Pardon you for quality control - the reason for the icon on the left.

* I think I will take a break from the reg, you have become a parody.

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ukgnome
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So very sad to see El reg delete comments

I know thatcher wasn't everyone's cup of tea, , but with registers recent article on press freedom the deletion of negative comments is a joke!

Especially as you can't libel the deceased.

The vulture has lost it's teeth

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

MISSING LINK between HUMANS and MONKEYS FOUND

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Missing Link between humans and monkies found

I was expecting Apple users

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The ten SEXIEST computers of ALL TIME

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

WHAT!

No Archimedes!

And the inclusion of the PS3 is laughable, as that's not even a computer in the most traditional sense.

But the Cray is sexy, very very sexy. At the same time as the cray all IBM could manage was the system 36's and towards the end of the 80's the as400 (although I do have a soft spot for the 36's).

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Android FOUND ON TABLETS inscribed with WORD OF GOD

ukgnome
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Joke

Who knew that God loves androids, although I suppose the Google mantra of Do No Evil was appealing. Although i would of thought that with all the churches money they would resurrect the psalm.

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US Navy blasts drones with ship-mounted LASER CANNON

ukgnome
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It needs a better name!

Ship's Laser Arial Precision for Human or Electronic Attack Devices

SLAPHEAD!

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Gov report: Actually, evil City traders DIDN'T cause the banking crash

ukgnome
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Trollface

How long before this changes to - Benefit scroungers caused the recession?

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Rocket boffinry in pictures: Gulp the Devil's venom and light a match

ukgnome
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@Lester

Nice article Lester, I could read about and look at pictures of rockets all day. And thanks to having two small boys at home I often do.

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Steve Jobs to supervise iPhone 6 FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

ukgnome
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Trollface

It is well known that Steve Jobs was into homoeopathy, so it's not unreasonable to state that a tiny part of Jobs is in every forthcoming device.

***If you actually believe that kind of bullshit!

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Lost CASSiE search moves up a gear

ukgnome
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Unhappy

I can't believe that little fella is out there somewhere. Hopefully some kind old lady is feeding him milk and cat food.

Come home soon little CASSiE

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