* Posts by ukgnome

1575 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

The most tragic thing about the Ashley Madison hack? It was really 1% actual women

ukgnome
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Re: Rule 29

Meow

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Parrot drone pwned (and possibly killed) with Wi-Fi log-in

ukgnome
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Beautiful plumage

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Has anyone lost 37 dope plants, Bolton cops nonchalantly ask on Facebook

ukgnome
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Re: Does plod know?

@cornz 1

Is this the monsanto strain?

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More UK broadband for bumpkins, but have-nots still ain’t happy

ukgnome
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The main problem with rural broadband is that a lot of houses in villages connect directly to the exchange.

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BAD things happen to GOOD robots in America: hitchBot DECAPITATED

ukgnome
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Terminator

Didn't this happen to Brian?

*who says advertising doesn't work!

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BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps

ukgnome
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It the dark distant past a Director after hearing the names we slung at each other if we had a name for him. Aww bless, he wanted to be one of us. The look on his face when one of the Data Control lads called him a cnut is a picture that lives with me.

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The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

ukgnome
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This is one of the best games ever on the Mega Drive.

My fondness for this whilst high as a kite and listening to slayer is only eclipsed by my love of fried bread!

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Southern biscuits and gravy

ukgnome
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Jizzy Scones!

We refer to Biscuits and Gravy as jizzy scones in my household....whilst tasty we don't have them often due to the arguments about pronunciation.

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HP slaps dress code on R&D geeks: Bin that T-shirt, put on this tie

ukgnome
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Oh look - Spider-Man T-Shirt, cargo pants, yellow dunlop hi-tops.

Then again it is friday, and that makes it naturally OK

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Happy NukeDay to you! 70 years in the shadow of the bomb post-Trinity

ukgnome
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Maybe the Reg should send a reporter to the Atomic Testing museum in Las Vegas. Truly a terrible, terrifying and informative place. Maybe it's just me, but they seem almost cocky about dropping bombs on Japan. Even though it was quite clear that the wind had gone from Japans sails.

Reading anything about the blasts and testing upsets me. Its an avenue best left well alone.

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Daisy Group seals Phoenix IT Group buy, exec set for exit

ukgnome
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I used to work for Phoenix, I am so glad that I don't now.

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Malwarebytes slurps startup, hopes to belch out Mac malware zapper

ukgnome
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This is sexist!

Where is Uncle Malware?

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IBM to offer BREAST MILK delivery-as-a-service for staff

ukgnome
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What's the betting this service is sold off in a years time and the breasts are TUPE across to new german owners?

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A quarter of public sector IT workers have never used the cloud

ukgnome
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Born from an egg on a mountain top,

Funkiest Monkey that ever popped,

He knew every magic trick under the sun,

Tease the Gods and everyone can have some fun.

Monkey magic, Monkey magic,

Monkey magic, Monkey magic,

Monkey magic, Monkey magic ooh!

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Goodbye Vulcan: Blighty's nuclear bomber retires for the last time

ukgnome
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She flew over my village and it was very exciting seeing my boys watch it.

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Giant male member spontaneously ejaculates over Norway

ukgnome
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So is this the realization of a Richard Herring emergency question given erm flesh?

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Apple apes Microsoft with iPhone BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

ukgnome
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Re: Unicode of death

And what a jolly prank it still remains to be.

Although sending it to your wife isn't big or clever.

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Apple pulls Civil War games in Confederate flag takedown

ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

Oh America

dear oh dear oh dear .......a flag, A FUCKING FLAG!

I cannot comprehend you and your dull witted ways.

Maybe, just maybe you should ....um....ban guns.

And for the American NRA idiots don't go giving me second amendment bullshit without first reading what the second amendment is. As owning a gun is not the same as forming a militia to oust the forces of the British monarch. Especially as we have already decided that you are entirely too much bother, heck even the Australians are more favorable. And they, unlike yourselves were the descendants of criminals. Granted you're the decedents of idiots, so like I say, too much bother. Of course we will still happily accept the tax you keep paying for the use of sovereign land. Like I said, idiots.

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ukgnome
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Re: The response to another mass shooting is to ban.....

to be fair, you could have someones eye out with one, if you waved it particularly roughly.

Or maybe shot it from a cannon.

It reeks of desperation doesn't it.

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Google to take another shot at a free Wi-Fi business

ukgnome
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Trollface

Norwich in 2006

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/5297884.stm

I do hope they manage quicker speeds though...

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DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

ukgnome
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What ever next?

Death by squirrel!

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Nasi goreng pattaya

ukgnome
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As it happens I make these for the kids, well sort of. I use baked beans, butter cooked mushrooms and chopped up vege sausages. Although when I partake myself I tend to dash in some green chili sauce and an extra grind of pepper.

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Post-pub nosh neckfillers: Reader suggestions invited

ukgnome
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Basically anything Mexican

If it can be rolled in a burrito or sandwiched in a quesadilla then its totally awesome.

I will also accept Nacho, soft taco or if I am feeling up for a balancing act then tostadita.

Of course if I trusted myself around serious hot oil then chimichanga every day of the week please and thank you.

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ukgnome
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Re: Cheesey Chips

with gravy!

Filthy filthy sorts.

The traditional recipe from the Land of the Prince Bishops demands that it is the magical garlic sauce that is used, and it must be bought from the dirty shop.

*Sadly Penis's is no longer opposite Rixy's

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Apple! and! Yahoo! fight! the! man!, claims! EFFing! daftness!

ukgnome
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Awesome! to! see! that! the! exclamation! is! still! in! use!

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Free ethical upgrade offered as Fairphone launches mobe No 2

ukgnome
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Re: Unfair phone

I can't even be bothered to supply a link, just cut and paste. And then bore off.

https://www.apple.com/uk/supplier-responsibility/labor-and-human-rights/

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The Martian: Matt Damon sciences the sh*t out of the red planet

ukgnome
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I was first introduced to Andy Weir through the Galactic Netcasts podcast called scifi geeks club when they had him on as a guest. It is totally worth a listen, the dudes awesome!

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Capita wins four out of five stars for 'good', 'inexpensive' service

ukgnome
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Link bait

With garlic and hot sauce please

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Colour me bad: Kraken time or damp squid with Splatoon

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Don't buy this in the pub

That's OK, I got mine in the car park.

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Messerschmitts, Sinclairs and a '50s living room: The Bubblecar Museum

ukgnome
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Re: Bond Bug

I always wanted a bug - heck I still do.

Although I did have a bright yellow robin estate - clocked at 97MPH on the M1 by the old bill. Simply one of the scariest things I had ever done.

The reliant A series block was a think of simplistic beauty, I would love to own another one, although wifey says no. Properly wise woman that one!

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Avengers: Age of Ultron – blisteringly big banter, brawls and brio

ukgnome
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Re: 3 things....

1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha we actually get a lot of films before you....Hollywood is a lie!

2. he's good, but he's no genius

3. I got nothing!

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ukgnome
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Re: Seeing it tomorrow...

Vue also allow your own food and drink, although they do ask that you refrain from bringing in alcohol and takeaway mac burger type food.

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TWO-FACED Facebook: Vid calls slapped into blabber app

ukgnome
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So what data does a 10 min call use?

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SPB brews up fetching beer + bacon t-shirt design

ukgnome
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SPB? is that still a thing.....I thought the FAA closed you guys down and you're now an online cookery show.

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Easy ... easy ... Aw CRAP! SpaceX rocket ALMOST lands on ocean hoverbase

ukgnome
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Re: Just a thought:

Pretty much what the spectacularly refined chap said.

You would need a massive vessel to counteract the waves.

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Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

ukgnome
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Re: Erm...

it's in Bootnotes.....

*if I had a pound for every person etc etc

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BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY

ukgnome
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Re: LP05

Reading this has made my muscle memory kick in, and I am now rubbing my fingers expecting to find a razor thin slice.

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Hey, Woz. You've got $150m. You're kicking back in Australia. What's on your mind? Killer AI

ukgnome
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I have asked the author of the film Robot Overlords if robots one day will enslave us.

Mark Stay replied that we have a device in our hand, in our home, it's already happened. (paraphrase)

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Taylor Swift snaps up EVEN MORE pr0n domain names

ukgnome
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Excuse me but....

What's whiftsucks?

And why would the Harrogate coffee company be doing it?

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Winning a brand new BOFH T-Shirt is as simple as...

ukgnome
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At last a tee-shirt that I want my dark nemesis to see, just before I taser him.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Chana masala

ukgnome
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In the hope my woman reads this, can I have these for my tea?

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Dream job: Sysadmin/F1 pit crew member with Red Bull racing

ukgnome
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I think I will pass on that.

1 second SLA is far too tight. I'm more the hope the customer isn't in within 3 rings kinda guy.

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RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

ukgnome
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His embuggerance caught up with him.

RIP Sir Terry

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I see what you've done, there, twiiter.com: Tweet troops tackle tech twin

ukgnome
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You asked the company?

What a waste of time, you needed to twat them.

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

ukgnome
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you would think Norfolk would be good, or isle of man.

But nope, somewhere close to Glasgow is on the list. Like WTF

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Ford to save you from BIKE FITNESS HORROR

ukgnome
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That thing on the back of it though?

Do you HAVE TO deliver pizza?

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

ukgnome
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Trollface

cool story bro.

I suspect your phone pocket was all moist because of the armfuls of comics.

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He can't give it away FAST ENOUGH: Bill Gates richest man in world again

ukgnome
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Childcatcher

Dear Bill

I am currently facing redundancy and could do with a few quid.

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Snowden 'ready to return to US', claims lawyer

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

Best phone endemol

Seriously, this has game show written all over it.

It can all finish with a worldwide phone vote that will either see him wearing an orange jumpsuit and getting whisked off to god knows where. Or, if he is super lucky then he could win the star prize as the face of ford or something similar.

Fingers on buzzards!

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RIP Leonard Nimoy: He lived long and prospered

ukgnome
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Re: @Callous AC: I don't want to sound callous, but thank fuck for that!

Oh, I was going for an anagram of CNUT

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