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* Posts by ukgnome

1402 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Universal Credit CRISIS: Up to £200m in IT spend WASTED – NAO

ukgnome
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Facepalm

surely not?

I wonder who's money it is that's been chucked away?

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Hey, it's ... Gecko man, Gecko man, does almost whatever a GECKO can

ukgnome
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Re: Glass, hmm..

Don't be silly K

they only do that experiment with solvite wallpaper paste.

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Assange™ slumps back on Ecuador's sofa after detention appeal binned

ukgnome
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Trollface

I wonder what....

UKIP think about him using a foreign embassy like that? Obviously trolling.

What i meant to put is perhaps he like taking a leak in the waste paper bin.

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Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k

ukgnome
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Coat

I haven't read the articles and am assuming that Prof Cox wants me to wank over a rocket, and give him cash for the privilege.

Well if that's so then he has another thing coming

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All ABOARD! Furious Facebook bus drivers join Teamsters union

ukgnome
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IT Angle

So the story isn't anything to actually do with Facebook. Its a dispute about some bus drivers that get mistreated by their company and not by their companies client.

Move along, nothing to see here.

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Our system handles £130bn and it's BUST. Want the job of fixing it? Apply to UK.gov

ukgnome
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Sounds Awesome

Just one problem.....well maybe a few problems.

I am not qualified, I lack experience, also I am lacking drive, ambition, and I have low self esteem.

Although when you read it out aloud I seem to be a perfect candidate.

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Vulture 2 spaceplane tumbles onto BBC World Service

ukgnome
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Re: old news?

yes, but it's downloadable as a podcast

You need to download the 11 Nov 14 one (the most recent)

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SEX BEAST SEALS may be egging each other on to ATTACK PENGUINS

ukgnome
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Linux

It's the circle of life...

You should see what the whales do to the dolphins, and what the dolphins do to the.....well to the anything - slippery perverts.

I think it goes Whale > Dolphins > Sea Lions > Seals > Penguins > Whales

(hey, that's why penguins are that shape)

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Facebook, working on Facebook at Work, works on Facebook. At Work

ukgnome
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Actually I am for F.A.W.

there are not enough cat pictures at my firm.

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You know where Apple Pay is getting used a LOT? Yes - McDonalds

ukgnome
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Facepalm

iColytes ???

seriously

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Give it up for SecQuest - a rabbit-hunting spaceplane sponsor

ukgnome
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Joke

Well that's no good!

I am on the look out for a company that sells snake oil.

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We come bearing internet: Google sends up Project Loon balloons in second test

ukgnome
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Surely we have a better use for Helium?

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Are MPs smarter than 5-year-olds? We'll soon find out at coding school – Berners-Lee

ukgnome
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I understand what he's trying to say, but why stick at coding?

MP's should learn to kill to legislate for soldiers

MP's should learn to cook to legislate for health

MP's should take drugs to legislate for erm drugs

etc

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Broadband sellers in the UK are UP TO no good, says Which?

ukgnome
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In this age of the selfie I would appreciate a better upload speed.

I am not too impressed with download speed if it takes me ten mins to upload on my "up to" 8Mb line.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

ukgnome
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Unhappy

Speaking as a vegetarian....

I totally miss scotch eggs. those piffling things that quorn make are totally crap.

Most of you would think it would be bacon that I miss but it's not, I miss hot fresh scotch eggs (you should only eat them hot)

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'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?

ukgnome
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Ahh robot wars

jeremy clarksons finest work

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It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

ukgnome
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Alien

Bouncy bouncy

all your washing machine sized probes belong to us.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

ukgnome
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Big Brother

Free and Open

As long as it's our brand of free and open.

And no, I don't mean Russell "lets revolt, parklife" Brand

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Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

ukgnome
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So does this mean

That I will be getting a lower price....nah thought not.

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Google DoubleClick goes TITSUP. ENJOY your AD-FREE WORLD!

ukgnome
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Trollface

Lets do this the old fashioned way

FOR SALE

Microsoft Office 365

Great discounts for students

FOR SALE

Server stuff that has blue LED

FOR SALE

Training course - how to train

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WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

ukgnome
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Re: Your article is in bad taste, Jasper

Now now AC

Don't you know that music taste and tattoos affect the way in which you work?

Jasper himself has a tattoo on his ass of a tattooed ass with a tattoo on it.

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SO LONELY: Woman DARED to get rid of her iPHONE - Apple DUMPED all her TXTS

ukgnome
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Trollface

Excuse me but....

Why would I want to continue text messaging someone that doesn't have an iPhone.

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Most convincing PHISHING pages hoodwink nearly half of you – Google

ukgnome
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When I worked for a University we found that students were quite willing to give their details to any official looking web page.

When we investigated we found that the mimicry of phishing pages were quite good. It would take the spammers and fraudsters about an hour to reproduce a login page once we had made changes. I can see why some of the students and staff were hoodwinked. Having said that it didn't stop me from lecturing them on security.

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Bullish Vodafone barges back into UK consumer broadband market

ukgnome
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Trollface

Yay

I mean, they provide an excellent service at the place I work. What could go wrong.

*Do let me know if you haven't picked up up the sarcasm.

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Bendy, but hangs loose too: Lenovo Yoga Tablet 2 10-inch Android tab

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

Why does it look 90's?

Who beat it with the ugly stick?

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Are open Wi-Fi network bods liable for users' copyright badness?

ukgnome
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Trollface

It's not the WiFi owner

It's bloody Google and their juicy links.

Actually no it's not it's those bloody telco's and their ISP

Ooh maybe not, it's the content providers such as the music, movie and gaming industry

Damn it's every mother lover for providing such juicy content

If you have read these comments then you owe me 25p

*5p will go straight to El Reg

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Online tat bazaar eBay collapses in UK

ukgnome
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Thank Goodness

I was concerned that I my MLP purchases had been lasagned

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Does Father Christmas expect a happy ending with Clara in Doctor Who?

ukgnome
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Re: Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off!

Oh c'mon, a few of the journo types are worth a read. Granted I mean Page, Haines and Dabbs

All the others are a bit meh!

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Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

ukgnome
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Dear Brid

did you actually bother watching the show? Had you been drinking? Even a six year old could understand why CyberDanny had emotions. Ugh, I could go on but maybe it's best that I simply ignore your drivel.

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Ex-NSA lawyer warns Google, Apple: IMPENETRABLE RIM ruined BlackBerry

ukgnome
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FAIL

And in other news.....

A great way to deter burglars is to have no front door and keep a list of all the expensive goods you own on a pin board in the hall.

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Poll: Yes, yes, texting while driving is bad but *ping* OH! Hey, GRAB THE WHEEL, will ya?

ukgnome
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Joke

I find reading and responding to texts a right nightmare. 70 MPH on a motorcycle makes it far too challenging.

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Eye laser surgery campaigner burned by Facebook takedown

ukgnome
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FAIL

Sooooo........

Right wing hate mongers that openly mock facebook are OK - yes you Britain First.

but

Left wing campaigner who warns people of what can go wrong with corrective surgery isn't.

One has link bait and traffic generating to it's pages and another has an occasional visitor. Seems like a marketing decision to me.

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Why Comrade Cameron went all Russell Brand on the UK’s mobile networks

ukgnome
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I was going to suggest that we mount relays on lamp posts like some sort of ad-hoc P2P mobile network....And then I remembered that my pleasant rural village doesn't have lamp posts.

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Spaceplane fan sips sweet nectar from LOHAN's copious cup

ukgnome
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Re: Nice

the 5g is used to get the yeast all excited - it would be odd if it stated add 995g to container...presumably

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ukgnome
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My mug is a virgin

And forever will it remain so.

It currently holds my torque drivers, a finger skateboard and a solid silver dolphin for a charm bracelet that I have made. I think I should probably add a pen.

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Got a spare $600k? Then an ancient Apple-1 could be yours

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Pah - That's nothing

Wow wolfetone you're kinda awesome.

I say an obvious joke and use the joke icon and you use is as a way of attacking Karen Brady.

If I grow up I want to be just like you.

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ukgnome
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Coat

Re: Re-writing history

hur hur - wang

hur hur

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ukgnome
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Joke

Pah - That's nothing

I have an original Amstrad emailer, and it's been signed by that bloke off the apprentice. At least I think it's him, the signature is a bit weird, it could say sugar, could say sucker.

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Apple patents AUTOGRAPHS. Checkmate, eBay

ukgnome
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That is the dumbest thing

Just what the actual fuck?

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'You have no right to see me NAKED!' Suddenly, everyone wakes up at the Google-EU face-off

ukgnome
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Re: Actually

beaten to it.....Paul Nemitz might be a hottie.

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Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Cheap dig

Wow - bare chested horse back riding is homoerotic?

I'm disgusted! I've been masturbating to that.

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Intel: A tiny video drone? Disguised as a BRACELET? Great! Take half a million dollars!

ukgnome
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Coat

I would of thought....

Whisper quiet take off, flight and landing would of been more impressive. AND it could circumvent drone law.

......TAXI!!!!!!!

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Would you recognise the Vans shoes logo? Neither would Euro trademark bods

ukgnome
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Re: Skate shoes?

They do in my plaice

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Me GIVE you $14 SQUILLION gadziddly-DILLION

ukgnome
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Trollface

May I suggest

a spam competition.

You set up a spam catching mailbox and we, the fine folk. (Well the fickle folk) will construct our finest lies and deceit.

I would be keen to see what spam could be should we ever step into the dark side.

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Clara goes to the dark side, with dark secrets revealed in Dark Water

ukgnome
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You tell me.....

....if you understand the half of it.

Ok pay attention - the time lords have a technology called the matrix. Yes like that one but they got there first. It's a hard drive for people's souls. The time lords use it as a repository of knowledge.

I'm not used to you write in a balanced way Brid, so you caught me off guard. I think that's the least trollish thing you have written.

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Facebook lifts Tor ban, touts encrypted onion access point

ukgnome
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Colour me cynical

but doesn't this actually mean - we have sorted out with the Feds and the NSA a way in which we can monitor and track the "anonymous" users.

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Trolls pop malformed heads above bridge to sling abuse at Tim Cook

ukgnome
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Unhappy

ugh

I commented yesterday that this was 1950's news, it seems some of the fine folk on the internet never received the memo.

Taking a pop at someone on the internet is dumb, be they Muslim, Gay, Black, Ginger.

Or Gay Black Ginger Muslims.

So well done trolls, once again you have highlighted your awesomeness.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Welcome to the 1950's

were a persons sexuality is news!

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No nudity, please, we're GAMING: Twitch asks players to cover up

ukgnome
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Trollface

But....

What about my right to bare arms?

Shirley this is against some basic right?

etc etc

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Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth

ukgnome
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But what was the specific gravity?

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