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* Posts by ukgnome

1244 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land

ukgnome
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Typical Google

No streetview of the locations you actually want!

Bloody amazing chap - I'm just pleased he didn't have to squeeze gulls for precious sustenance.

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PROOF the Apple iPhone 6 rumor mill hype-gasm has reached its logical conclusion

ukgnome
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I think a lot of people are missing the point on this and are too happy to bash apple.

Currently in you Accessibility settings you can have the flash go off when you receive a message and the like. As the flash is a little harsh it can sometimes be obtrusive, so maybe a pulsing apple is a good addition. Same function, just gentler.

Hmm no tell me, does your android / winphone or blackberry do that?

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New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

ukgnome
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Re: Tom_

This is also my view, the empire may of seemed scary at first but they brought about and end to piracy and trade stability. The Jedi were a bunch of fence sitters, telling people what to do but not actually doing much themselves. Basically they didn't give a rats ass about the massive deaths that they caused by going against galactic peace.

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

ukgnome
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You have cheered me right up

Last weeks article was a bit meh, but this one......hang on I have a text.

Oh, it's nothing. Jeez your nosey, OK it was from my mate Jaime, yeah her, not my wife. She never texts unless she wants milk. My wife that is, sometimes jqaime messages me about pasta, I think that's because I said once I like pasta. I also like breast and painted toenails, does this mean I should ask her next time she's over from America? Oh where was I ....Oh yes, I quite liked reading this on.

Hang on, another text, oh it's a video on iMessage....Hmmm Seems she knows about breasts.

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Oh girl, you jus' didn't: Level 3 slaps Verizon in Netflix throttle blowup

ukgnome
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Re: Verizon can STFU & FOAD, Kthxbai.

Truly it may me the land of the free (they are not) and the home of the brave (more like the make do)

But the fact is the average Joe is continually been fucked by whoever they get there services from. When you have a country as big as the USA it seems that they are more controlled. They don't have the choices of the free and modern world. You only have to look at how much they pay for a piss poor service to realise that the roll out in a smaller country such as the UK is actually great value.

Yes we in the UK will moan about connection speeds and rural fibre, but seriously at least our nation can afford a phone in every citizens hand, and a decent data connection to use.

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German brain surgeon flies in for vital LOHAN operation

ukgnome
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Sysadmin huh?

I hope you're cattle-prod proof

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Running the Gauntlet: Atari's classic ... now and then

ukgnome
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Ahhhh

This cabinet game was a proper bonding game, so many randoms met as a kid down cleethorpes.

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

ukgnome
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Re: Dammit Lester!

Nope - I mean Del Taco, I wouldn't set foot in a Taco Bell.

www.deltaco.com

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ukgnome
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Dammit Lester!

I want a shrimp taco now......why doesn't the UK understand the importance of mexican food?

If I start a kickstarter for a Del Taco where should I put it, and who would want to be in on it.

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Phone charging log helps to convict murderer

ukgnome
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Re: I think there's a moral to be derived from this story

Have an upvote

I have now invested in an android burner phone, erm for testing purposes....@Jedit, you are now my alibi

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DRONE WARS: Killers, spies? Nah, they're IDEAL for snapping pics of hot models

ukgnome
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Hmm can you....

fly them close to a kerb for all those up-skirt shots? - Daily Mail side bar, I am thinking of you.

On a serious note, I like the tech in camera drones, but the invasion of privacy is just a bit creepy. I would much rather that drones just kill and mame, at least you can hate them properly without been tied up in privacy and stuff (OK perhaps not as serious as I had hoped)

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

ukgnome
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Excellent parody

of the what happened next meme, just wish I could remember what the article is about.

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

ukgnome
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Re: Rebekah...

Don't be silly, she doesn't even know what a computer is, although it might be her friends hacking the down vote system.

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ukgnome
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Like so many comentards...

Why doesn't this wanker fuck the fuck off.

*for American readers, Wanker simply means a masturbater. If that doesn't sit well with you then please think of Rupert as a claw fisted cock juggler

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

ukgnome
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In honour of spaced

T.F.U

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French telco takes on US rival Netflix... with whose dongle?

ukgnome
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We still are getting fleeced, just by a multitude of ways.

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New Doctor Who episode leaks online as proper trailer debuts

ukgnome
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Whilst I have no experience I do fancy living in Miami, and I hold an excellent data retention record. In fact I am so tight with data that no one gets any emails!

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

ukgnome
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Picbum

is such a disappointment, if Dabbsy is going to advertise things then I expect much much better.

No wonder he's all miserable, someone should kick him in the glasshole, and then snapchat it or summink!

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El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

ukgnome
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Is it wrong that I like to see ladies with pipes?

And does it have a particular name?

*Mrs gnome has a pipe that I insist she chews on when she is doing her degree work, well now she's on her forth I figure she has every right to be boffinised.

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Elon Musk to fund Tesla museum with 'ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS'

ukgnome
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Pint

I used to think that Musk was a massive cock....

And then he gave his patents away, and built a rocket, and actually turned out to be a decent chap.

AND NOW THIS! Any donation to open a Tesla museum gets my vote and yet another reason to give the guy a hug.

If they ran a web campaign to help the funding I would actually give a few quid, I have a massive soft spot for the father of the modern world. This has made Friday a bit better.

Hey Musk, I'm buying you a cold one -------->

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Verizon points more fingers at Netflix: It's YOUR pals slowing data

ukgnome
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Trollface

This is simple plumbing....

poor water pressure but massive drains for effluent.

I guess Verizon totally enjoy taking the shit and leaving their customers unwashed.

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Ham-fisted farmer fear: A peanut-butter-and-iPhone sandwich

ukgnome
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Coat

Would this make it a Kellogg phone?

Tasty Fruit and Fibre?

*I'm going, and I didn't have a jacket, I just sorta dropped it at work.

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'Ribbed' for your pleasure: Jony Ive unveils NAKED IPHONE

ukgnome
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Re: Seal

Whenever I see Seal i now think of the french for seal.

hey, it makes me laugh!

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New Bluetooth tech lets you control 4 BILLION lightbulbs at once

ukgnome
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will this create inner city dogging, no park required?

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Printed diode can slurp power from phone signals

ukgnome
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is it only me....

that sniggers when they read PNAS?

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Doctor Who season eight scripts leak online

ukgnome
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Re: Top Gear

I can believe that, after all my comments are written by a team of egotistical ramblers

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ukgnome
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Alien

Makes you wonder what other data the BBC accidental give away.

I smell NSA interference, Snowden was right or summink

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Dubai to get HUGE climate-controlled DOMED CITY and giga-mall

ukgnome
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It will be called Mega-City and will be policed by judges

*perhaps

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It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

ukgnome
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Joke

Re:Computers don't have safe words

oh, but my computer does have safeword, and I am buggered if I can remember the phrase

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Fridge hacked. Car hacked. Next up, your LIGHT BULBS

ukgnome
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Paddy McGuinness

lights out, all out

*I'm going, the one with the wind up torch and tinfoil hat

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Storm-battered Rockall adventurer recalls 'worst experience of my life'

ukgnome
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This dude eats Bear Grylls for breakfast.

Respect due!

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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

ukgnome
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@ h4rm0ny

Towering thug? Threatening manner?

Not my experience at all, recently in LAX the first thing the chap said was "did you know spain is out of the cup?" this exacerbated me, as I am not a footy fan. Followed by, "you haven't said where you are staying" Once I had explained that I couldn't legitimately answer the question as my US lady friend had arranged the accommodation he just smiled, wrote with a sharpie on the form that I was staying at the airport and wished me a great time.

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

ukgnome
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Trollface

I am sure that TFL or rather the London black cab drivers would rather have the uber drivers parked on the flight deck

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

ukgnome
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Facepalm

My Dad - that is all

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iPhone user SHAMEGASM: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

ukgnome
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vagina dialling

"'ere, some C*nt keeps prank calling me"

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London officials won't take Uber to court – because cabbies are suing the drivers anyway

ukgnome
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Re: Or they could consider joining the first part of the 21st century...

most of the transactions were under £10 and the effective commission rate was 30%???

Not these days, a terminal that plugs into your iPhone costs £60 and only charges 2.7% for any transaction.

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

ukgnome
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Not one mention of.....

1. cake

2. girls in inappropriate dress

3. occasional jaunts to very scary chemical plants

4. free coffee

Therefore, with regret I cannot join as your subby - also I have very little experience.

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE DNS outage

ukgnome
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Black Helicopters

Re: Suspect Much ?

helicopter what? You can't see it? And you never will, until it's too late

Mwah hahahha

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Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

ukgnome
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I'm thinking it's either Scuzzlebutt or Manbearpig

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YouView loses YourView trademark fight, may have to pick new name

ukgnome
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Joke

I hear that Nasa is suing Apple - because ISS sounds a bit like iOS

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Supermodel Lily Cole: 'I got a little bit upset by that Register article'

ukgnome
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@ John Smith 19

Oh......nope, still nothing.

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ukgnome
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Trollface

Nope, Sorry!

Never heard of her, even after a google I am none the wiser.

Maybe she could use hard earned tax payers money to raise her profile.

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GCHQ to share threat intel – and declassify SECRET inventions

ukgnome
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Re: Bullshit!

And here was me thinking this had the smell of public relations and marketing. - My mistake.

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British boffin tells Obama's science advisor: You're wrong on climate change

ukgnome
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Re: Mathematician vs. a "Real" Scientist...

I thought that meteorologists were just physicists with umbrellas, and pure mathematicians were just physicists in sandals.

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The cute things they say

ukgnome
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Facepalm

University Help desk

user - my email won't work

me - yes, it's become compromised and is sending out spam

user - I didn't do it.

me - have you answered any of these (phishing) emails

user - Yes, was that wrong?

me - blah blah phishing, blah blah security, blah blah why it's dumb, trust no one etc

user - OK got it, I was dumb

me - so to get your email working I just need your credit card number and security code.

user - sure 4566 7899 9988 9287 - and security 674

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'Hashtag' added to the OED – but # isn't a hash, pound, nor number sign

ukgnome
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Trollface

Has anyone thought to.....

ask Stephen Fry?

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Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

ukgnome
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I refuse to read this

....and will simply wait 2 years until Mr Dabbs is ill.

*welcome back tecnotart

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Spaceplane design nipper Ariadne gets a promotion

ukgnome
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Sooooo........

Does this mean the Register will be opening a shop to sell this tat? How about a tat shop that gives to that there malaria charity?

Because I would have a cup, and a car sticker, a bonnet sticker wrap and also some motorcycle helmet stickers (notice I specified motorcycle)

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Soccer Football in SPAAACE! ISS 'naut nails zero-G bicycle kick

ukgnome
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regulation pitch sized?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/rules_and_equipment/4200666.stm

The length of a pitch must be between 100 yards (90m) and 130 yards (120m) and the width not less than 50 yards (45m) and not more than 100 yards (90m)

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Greenpeace rejoices after getting huge renewable powerplant CANCELLED

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Oh Lewis!

Maybe you could tell the full story rather than just the 33% you have actually written.

Sometimes I feel that you actually like the way your inbox fills up.

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