* Posts by ukgnome

1523 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

ukgnome
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£4 postage - you money grabbing so and so's

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Laughing gas and rubber: A recipe for suborbital flight?

ukgnome
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yes yes it's all jolly nice that they get to launch their rocket and all that. But what we all insist on knowing is the LOHAN when.

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BOFH in mugnificent return to Cash'n'Carrion

ukgnome
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It's a step in the right direction I suppose, but like everyone else I want tee shirts please and thank you.

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Ads watchdog: Er, what does woman in her undies have to do with ‘slim’ phone?

ukgnome
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Re: Cillit Bang...

You wore it and got diddled? Lucky bugger.

All i got was ridiculed.

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BT fixes home hub drop-out glitch ONE YEAR after denying flaw existed

ukgnome
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This sort of router issue also occurs on the 3 and the 4 but try telling that to BT

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: El Reg eggs Benedict

ukgnome
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dammit that looks good

that is all

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Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

ukgnome
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those pesky blighters

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Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

ukgnome
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Unsurprisingly, after hearing from The Register on Monday, Sky promised to release a new update today.

Dear Reg - Please can you contact Greater Anglia about it's appalling service to IT commuters?

Also, please fire off a few emails to the twunts that control the wifi service called the cloud as I don't want a dumb post office advert auto-playing at every bloody station.

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Reg hacks (and rest of 'Frisco) in LinkedIn measles contagion scare

ukgnome
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What, no Mitch Ben link?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YCGMqp6kBE

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TITANIC: Nuclear SUBMARINE cruising 'Sea of KRAKENS' may be FOUND ON icy MOON

ukgnome
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erm

it looks a bit penisy

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So long, Cyanogen! OnePlus says its future belongs to OxygenOS

ukgnome
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You don't know much about the modding community then?

Of course people will flash an alternative ROM on their new devices, just not everyone.

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FOCUS! 7680 x 4320 notebook and fondleslab screens are coming

ukgnome
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Awesome News!

Now my facebook feed will still look exactly the same!

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Gullible Apple users targeted by bogus order cancellation scam

ukgnome
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Trollface

WOW

Not one single fandroid message about iSheeple.

This place has changed

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Free WiFi coming to UK trains ... in two years

ukgnome
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Currently the trains that offer extortionate Wi-Fi use a satellite system. It is slow and expensive.

Just what is the government offering? And why?

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Boy, 16, cuffed after posting selfie with body of kid he allegedly killed

ukgnome
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Re: Oh well

No, but the kid with a hole in his face might of been.

Still I guess it's OK to be flippant as it didn't happen to you or yours right.

prick

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What time do you call this, BT? Late, state-funded broadband rollout plods on

ukgnome
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Dear BT

Please can you at least service the kit in our sub-exchange. Just a little maybe?

I shouldn't be ungrateful as the 6.5 down and .3 up is better than some rural communities. It's just that it's been a year, and I thought you might of at least assessed it.

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We'll ask GCHQ to DELETE records of 'MILLIONS' of people – Privacy International

ukgnome
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Re: Does it really matter ?

They do? Are you sure?

I know they don't think highly of wiki-twonks but I thought Snowden (the man not the mountain) and the grauniad may be to blame on this one.

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Robot vacuum cleaner EATS WOMAN

ukgnome
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Our robot overlords suck

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ukgnome
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Mark Stay was right

This is the beginning

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie

ukgnome
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I remember trying this as soon as the episode aired and I can contest that this indeed is a winner, although I would lightly fry the bread to stop the collapse.

Also if you find yourself without chutney or chilli then you I would also say using raspberry jam and English mustard also works a treat.

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Wanted: Brit Facebook and Twitter trolls for counter-jihad psyops

ukgnome
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At last

A British regiment that I can join!

Sign me up sir!

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Parts for Brit proto-mainframe EDSAC show up in USA

ukgnome
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Trollface

Hmm

Where other news sources have a picture of the 'shelf' I note that it is apparently missing from this article.

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Web daddy Tim Berners-Lee calls for net neutrality in Europe

ukgnome
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Coat

net neutrality

Tell that to the Spanish fleet.

Oh my bad, wrong kind of net.

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Zimmermann slams Cameron’s ‘absurd’ plans for crypto ban

ukgnome
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Re: They aren't banning encryption

You need at least 3 trigger words and you have only used one

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ukgnome
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Joke

OK everyone

From now on we will use this -

A1 B2 C3 D4 E5 F6 G7 H8 I9 J10 K11 L12 M13 N14 O15 P16 Q17 R18 S19 T20 U21 V22 W23 X24 Y25 Z26

3181311 208120 251521 621311518

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Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

ukgnome
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hur hur

The Reg is having a swipe at the beeb for slow reporting....

Hey Kettle - This is pot

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Crackdown on eBay sellers 'failing to display' VAT numbers

ukgnome
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Re: That will not work

The seller ratings can be fudged just as easily if you think about it.

But I agree that a few tweaks could be made, but that's not in the interest of ebay who strangely has its offices in Ireland.

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ukgnome
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Meh

Of course the way around this would be to act as a private seller rather than a business seller. Then all you would need to do is sell privately until you're just under the threshold and then close your account. Then free to pop up as a different user.

The ebay model is there for fraudulent transactions. heck I wouldn't be surprised if it was used for spying - in much the same way that the classified ads used to be (apparently)

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Facebook kills pic of Mohammed weeks after Zuck's Je suis Charlie!

ukgnome
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Did Zuck actually say that it was a free speech zone?

Hahahahahahahahaha

The Douchebook network doesn't allow a picture of proud parents breastfeeding, yet gorges itself with scams, click bait, scams, annoying paid for adverts, scams and pages specialising in bigotry and hatred.

I think my sides have split and I have fallen off my chair.

Free Speech.....hahahahahahahahaha

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Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: Does it turn

Which is why I now have to change the ethnic toners on the xerox

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ukgnome
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Fact Hunt!

there is no translation for lesbian from English to Icelandic

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Virtual Vulture 2 swoops into Spaceport America

ukgnome
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Would it help if we all sent a nice email and some donuts to the FAA?

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HMRC fails to plan for £10.4bn contract exit... because it's 'too risky'

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

Isn't this near identical to the botched EDS contract of ten or so years ago.

Hmm, that ended well didn't it.

The fact is the only way to do this properly in my opinion is a brand new system designed from the ground up, tested and tested and tested and then run parallel and then rolled out to all locations in one hit. Of course this is close to impossible, highly impractical and doomed to fail.

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Cash'n'Carrion January sale: Get in there while you can

ukgnome
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nope, you don't have any BOFH stuff so nope

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Oi, Aussie sports fans! Take that selfie stick and stick it

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Humans are dumb.

Oh I wish I could post photo's.

While visiting Stonehenge in December I noticed a German gentleman taking a picture of himself with such a device. His wife \ partner stood by and watched. Humans are dumb.

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YOU. Your women are mine. Give them to me. I want to sell them

ukgnome
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Wonky? More like wanky

When it comes down to proof it should be the person making the claim that has to prove it. It's no good saying that's ours without prooving it.

By letting "wonky" bots do the work we are failing as humans.

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Panicked teen hanged himself after receiving ransomware scam email

ukgnome
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Big Brother

This is tragic

in no way is this meant callous, but all the demands for the police to do more should stop and think.

Maybe if there was some sort of charter that monitors internet activity and was able to assist police better in catching these bastards.

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Dot-com is dead. Long live dot-com

ukgnome
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Damn you

and your click bait!

I was hoping the rotund Kim had demised

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Then there were 3: Another UK mobile network borged ...

ukgnome
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Cut the crap

and spell it out just how much this means the consumer will be shafted.

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KimDotCom flails desperately, launches chat service

ukgnome
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Is it just me?

Or does Kim Dotcom look like Dr Robotnik?

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Penguin high-flyers: Andrew Tridgell on the Linux autopilot

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: but when...?

I'm just please he didn't say bare, I'm in enough trouble at work already.

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MYSTERY RADIO SIGNAL picked up from BEYOND our GALAXY

ukgnome
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Seems a remarkable coincidence that this occurs at the same time as the infinite monkey cage starts again on R4

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Give ALL the EU access to Netflix, says Vince Cable

ukgnome
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he doesn't get it does he?

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Spammers set their sights on WhatsApp – that's that ruined then

ukgnome
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Re: @ukgnome

That's correct, Google and Facebook don't have that data unless you let them.

Likewise they don't have your location unless you let them.

I'm not saying you would let them, but I bet you know quite a few click anything and it will all be OK types.

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ukgnome
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That's right Chris, although you do need to tell it your phone number.

*pass me my tin foil hat please.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: 1.5 MILLION SCOVILLE masala omelette

ukgnome
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Semi Skinned?

That's no good whatsoever - you need full fat, preferably gold top. A higher fat content is what is required.

Of course the correct thing is to squeeze limes straight into your gob hole and have the neutralising effect of citric acid help wash away those fire daemons. You could go for vinegar too, but thats just unpleasant - effect though.

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BT bemoans 'misconceived' SUPERFAST broadband regs

ukgnome
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Only if you use Configured Unified Network Testing

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Hollywood vs hackers: Vulture cracks Tinseltown keyboard cornballs

ukgnome
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@TwistUrCapBack

dammit!

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Stop viewing Facebook at work says Facebook at work on Facebook at Work

ukgnome
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Has anyone seen my fucks?

It's not important because I wouldn't give them, and this moment I simply couldn't give them.

No fucks given here

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Google UK doubles London Kings X mega-office sprawl

ukgnome
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correlation

sq units taken goes up, taxation goes down.

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