Posts by Alan Ferris
62 posts • joined Tuesday 12th June 2007 23:05 GMT
Pedant Alert!
Unless Flossie is very, VERY thin, I suspect that she takes up a number of cubic feet
Old hat
Many GP surgeries ( including my own) allow patients full read-only access to their full medical records
So I can throw away my Smart Card...
and login with my Smart Arse.
Progress indeed
Sorry, I can't resist....
Playmobil, or it didn't happen
Epic
That is all
Posted in NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert
Can I be the judge?
I could advise on how much cleavage is" too much"?
666 !
What abou 668 then? I mean, who would want to live next door to 666?
Posted in Verity Stob and the super subjunction
I am good
The correct response, which I have used for a number of years, is
"I am breathtaking, thank you"
I'm disgusted
Don't Australians know what a blow-up woman is for?
Education standards are slipping, everywhere
Half an hour!
Cigarette and cuppa included, I presume?
Posted in 419ers threaten terrorism charges
My email.....
came frrom a Major Berk, of Nigerian army.
You couldn''t make it up
Posted in Naked German women evade Swedish chopper
If no piccies....
... where's the Playmobil reconstruction?
Larissa Riquelme
I've always wanted to be a mobile phone....
Posted in Observer columnist in online porn mixup
"....presumably looks better than the average Reg hack"
I presume that you exclude the moderatrix from this.
I'm sure she's far above average
Posted in Man coughs to sex with donkey and horse
I'm envious!
"buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004"
How did he make it last so long?
Surely SOMEONE has to ask...
... How much extra does that cost?
"the Moderatrix's buns"
Please excuse me for a minute or two
Don't forget....
.... the playmobile
To Charles 9
> And I keep personally thinking of a female suicide bomber concealing the goods in a dildo or vibrator already "well seated". .<
Please send pictures.... I think it would be difficult to do this in Playmobil, unless the moderatrix would like to prove me wrong... please?
Another FAIl
It wasn't that sack that I was referring to
Can I be the first to say...?
... that I want my surgeon to be human.
At least they understand the required delicacy of this sort of surgery, and they know that if there's a single mistake, they get the sack.
I would now like to dissociate myself from the above comment
Nasty!
It was the subheading "Free whitepaper – Desktop virtualization" that frightened me most.
Add me to the list of those needing a Playmobil version...
It wasn't just NHS.net that was blocked
My Forename.Surname@GP-Exxxxxx.nhs.uk email account was also blocked from sending emails to Hotmail.
I'd like to think it was Microsoft's incompetence, but the NHS can usually beat them for incompetence.
Posted in UK cops eye shotgun cartridge Taser
Language!
WTF does "it will leave potential bruising" mean? Either it leaves bruising or it doesn't (I think I know the answer)... and then there's the more sinister possibility that "...and it could cause a contusion." When I did my medical degrees, there was no difference. Those of you with access to a dictionary could possibly confirm this. If tasering the spokesman has done this to his brain, what will the taser do to the human body?
Here are much better qualifications
Take a look at this one.
http://tinyurl.com/aov9v
I have the certificate for my Ph.D. in Arse -elbow differentiation on the wall at work....the only sad thing is that the AQA site isn't a joke!
We are all doomed
Illiterates
How about the difference between Ensure ( = make certain) and Insure ( take a policy out with an Insurance company)? Despite the fact that even our transatlantic throwers of tea parties don't talk about Ensurance companies, they still struggle with this one.
There's that wonderful line in Mary Poppins where Mr Banks says that throwing the tea overboard made the tea undrinkable, even for the Americans
BTW, those people across the pond speak the word "route" as if rhymes with "doubt", which probably explains their problems with the word "Cisco"
Posted in Boffin predicts pee-powered cars
Stating the bleedin obvious....
... but has anyone read the name of the researcher?
Dr Botte !
Is it April 1st in Italy?
But....
...how many are on contract at Gordon Brown's OTHER residence?
He may be flipping phones as well as addresses
One can just hope...
...that she didn't get the sack, as well
Valves!
If you go to BP and do the tour, you will hear that the valves were acquired every time a BT exchange was upgraded .... BT would tell them and they'd go and pillage the exchange. I believe that Bletchley Park have enough in stock for a number of decades
Off label ?!
Not off label at all. The British National Formulary says quite clearly under Indications and dose:
"Anxiety with symptoms such as palpitation, sweating, tremor, 40 mg once daily, increased to 40 mg 3 times daily if necessary"
Section 4.1.2 on Anxiolytics says
"Beta-blockers (e.g. propranolol, oxprenolol) (section 2.4) do not affect psychological symptoms, such as worry, tension, and fear, but they do reduce autonomic symptoms, such as palpitation and tremor; they do not reduce non-autonomic symptoms, such as muscle tension. Beta-blockers are therefore indicated for patients with predominantly somatic symptoms; this, in turn, may prevent the onset of worry and fear. Patients with predominantly psychological symptoms may obtain no benefit."
It sounds like entirely appropriate prescribing to me... most other anxiolytics are of the same family as Valium
Posted in Bees on cocaine: The facts
BUT....
Do Playmobil make bees?
Paris, 'cos no-one has mentioned her 36 bees yet
How to confuse a Daily Mail reader....
I'm reminded of the old joke:
Q: How do you confuse a Daily Mail reader?
A: Tell him that the immigrants kill the paedophiles
Been there and got the....?
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/baaaaaa-means-nooooo/
Sorry, couldn't resist
Posted in Pr0n-surfing pastor downs church network
I'm sorry, this is outrageous...
... where's the Playmobil?
Come on...
Where's the Playmobil re-enactment of this deed?
Posted in Did the width move for you, darling?
Can you make it bigger, please
The font is much too small
Paris, I bet she knows how to deal with that problem
There is a story ...
...that a GP once had to persuade Mr & Mrs Janus not to call their son Hugh.
Who cares if it's true, it's such a nice story
Posted in How Chrome puts the skids under Nokia
The one big drawback so far ....
The really big drawback so far is that it isn't compatible with Roboform, which is probably the most useful piece of software that I've bout in the last 5 years
Posted in Million bank details sold on eBay
Enormous savings to be made now
Now I have no need to buy a shredder.
Why bother shredding sensitive data when the banks give it away!
Paris, 'cos I'm told she gives it away too
Posted in Suicide squirrel knocks out Swiss TV
Another case for ID cards...
Anyone can see that this squirrel wasn't carrying one
Burglary outbreak ?
Presumably only useful to burglars desperate to steal used nappies, anyway.
Does this count as softwear theft ?
