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* Posts by Heironymous Coward

54 posts • joined 10 May 2011

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'BIGGEST BIRD EVER': 21-foot ripsaw-beaked flying HORROR

Heironymous Coward

Could it take off from water?? Otherwise, it would seem like a Darwinian dead-end. Then again, it is extinct...

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Our Reg reader 'mutt's nuts' dictionary is le chien's biens

Heironymous Coward

Czech

In Czech it's 'psi koule', but it doesn't have any meaning other than the literal one.

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Ex-Soviet space gunboats to be FOUND ON MOON

Heironymous Coward
Boffin

Re: flying backwards

If you shoot it roughly* perpendicular to where the spacecraft's movement vector, it should not affect the orbital velocity (although it will change the vector direction slightly, depending on the mass / velocity of the shell and the spacecraft). Like this:

Pre -shot

movement in this direction

|

O---> shot

Post-shot:

\ movement in this direction

O

*roughly - using conservation of mometum, you can calculate an angle (slightly less than 90 deg) that will result in the same orbital velocity

Or, of course, have two guns on the thing and shoot both at once in opposite directions...

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Facebook shells out $10m for using users faces in adverts

Heironymous Coward
Paris Hilton

Re: So...

Only some parts of her are...

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Lard-busting specs trick snack-happy Japanese

Heironymous Coward
Pint

Just think...

They could imitate beer goggles, without the need for beer...

Then again, the beer is half the fun...

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Windows Phone left on launchpad by Angry Birds in spaaace

Heironymous Coward
Headmaster

Re: Games? Pah!

All^H^H^HBoth of us Windows Phone users are grownups...

There, fixed that for ya...

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Musk muses on middle-class Mars colony

Heironymous Coward
Alien

Re: sacrifices

Watch it, el Reg. Judging by the above, a significant proportion of your commentards are interested in volunteering to go on a suicide mission...

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Tourists follow GPS, drive into sea

Heironymous Coward

15 minutes

These guys have something that most people don't have - something like 15 minutes of fame (more if it's a slow news day).

However, I can't see driving across an unmarked causeway that I can't see on the basis that the GPS tells me it's there.

Did insurance cover loss of the car?

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NASA's 5-rocket mission to blast off tonight

Heironymous Coward
Boffin

"five rockets in five minutes" ... "scheduled for sometime between midnight and 1.30am EST" ... "all five dumping their tracer trails at altitudes of between 53 and 84 miles (85 and 130km), leaving milky-white clouds that should allow the cameras on the ground and the public to "see" the winds for up to 20 minutes"

Won't it be dark out?? Just saying...

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NASA: The future of space is public/private partnerships

Heironymous Coward
Headmaster

slight correction...

"exterminating the locals who were living there at the time"

There, fixed that for you

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HP hands in-house Android code to TouchPad tablet hackers

Heironymous Coward
Joke

ask and you shall recieve

Lets down-vote him again, boys...

(please check the icon)

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Ten exabytes wedged into a rather large box by Cleversafe

Heironymous Coward
Coat

We could store the awards digitally, on some kind of big storage array...

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E. coli turns seaweed into ethanol

Heironymous Coward
Headmaster

What on earth is a "gratutous", Mr. Coward? Or do you mean "gratuitous". If you're going to be a pendantic grammer / spelling nazi, at least get your own spelling right...

Oh, sorry, I forgot, it's Monday again. Never mind...

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Hold on a sec - leap seconds granted a last-minute reprieve

Heironymous Coward
Pint

Second the three clock system

and add one (between WifeClock and SolarClock in importance) - a stomach clock, which tells me it's lunchtime / dinnertime / pubtime.

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'Why would I make any more Star Wars movies?'

Heironymous Coward
FAIL

Idiot kids...

"I've worked with kids who will urinate in a bottle in their room, rather than leave the screen."

WTF? Wouldn't diapers be both easier (hands-free, eyes can stay on the screen), more risk-free (no bottle to knock over or fill up), and solve more problems (can handle a bowel movement).

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Foreign sabotage suspected in Phobos-Grunt meltdown

Heironymous Coward
Paris Hilton

They've lost fewer cosmonauts getting into &out of space than the Americans. And on a much tighter budget.

Just curious - did you have the same attitude about NASA when Challenger and Columbia didn't perform as planned.

OT: Nice troll...

BTW, I think you're missing a "days" in there somewhere.

Need about 4 icons for this. Damn. Paris, as default, for no good reason...

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Nokia: There will be NO smartphone division selloff to Microsoft

Heironymous Coward
Headmaster

doublespeak

"We have firmly scotched rumours of the smartphone division being sold to Microsoft," he said. "We have knocked them on the head time and time again."

Nothing in that statement says that there are no plans for the division to be sold. All he said was that they tried to quash rumours about it being sold - which they would do if they wanted the share price to be lower.

And I agree with Alex that the name needs to be changed. Preferably to something without the words "Windows" and "Microsoft". I wouldn't buy it anyway...

RIP Nokia. You can always go back to wellies...

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Mozilla, Google extend 'sweethearts' browser deal for 3 years

Heironymous Coward
Boffin

Chrome popularity irrelevant

The popularity of Chrome makes no difference to this deal, only the popularity of Firefox has some bearing on it (i.e. how many browsers / eyes have Google as their default search engine).

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ALL US pro basketball to be played by topless strippers

Heironymous Coward
Coat

Friday!!

"..ball-handling skills, as well as both shooting and dribbling.. "

I suspect some of the audience will also be dribbling at some point, if not downright drooling. A 'select' few may even be ball-handling and shooting. Make sure you get a top-row seat...

Yeah, the mac..

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SHARKS tempted by BIKINI CLAD Thanksgiving BABES

Heironymous Coward
Childcatcher

Wrong group

I have nothing against attractive young women working while wearing bikinis, in fact I am all for this practice becoming as mainstream as them wearing sandals. However, I can't help but think that this project is putting those few who are already genetically pre-disposed to working in bikinis at some risk, thus reducing the likelyhood of them passing down their genes to future generations.

Wouldn't it be better to safeguard them? I would prefer, say, to find these young ladies work wearing a biniki in an office downtown somewhere, perhaps in or next to an IT department.

And let a group of young, male, attractive bodybuilders work with the Great Whites, thus raising MY odds of passing my genes along - perhaps with one of the aforementioned bikini-clad beauties...

P.S. is it Friday already??

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Not so fast: Italian boffins say neutrinos not faster than light

Heironymous Coward
Boffin

nice try, but no..

There's no tunnel, the neurinos are going thru solid rock because they can and do.

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Man sues boss for 'condemning him to eternal damnation'

Heironymous Coward
Facepalm

Why didn't he just

have an accident in the workplace? Probably less painful than eternal damnation (though there is some doubt, I guess).

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World's only twin jet-engine bike drives onto eBay

Heironymous Coward
Mushroom

tailgaters

beware :-)

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Mars, Moon, solar system could be littered with alien artifacts

Heironymous Coward
Alien

Basic maths

If there is one "advanced" civilization per 100 solar systems, and each of these civilizations puts out 10 000 interstellar probes over it's lifetime, and 1% of these probes happen to find a useful resting place (i.e. not a star) in another solar system, that means on average that there is one extraterrestrial probe somewhere in each solar system. Fancy searching the surface of Jupiter or Saturn? Those are the most likely resting places..

And IMHO, my assumptions are wildly optimistic - assuming 1 civ per 10 000 systems, 1000 interstellar probes, and a 0.1% chance of finding a useful resting place, you get a 0.01% chance of a probe in any one solar system.

And we haven't begun talking about the fact that a probe landing on earth even just a few million years ago would be buried, just like a fossil.

SETI has a much better chance of finding anything IMO... If a civ wanted to show it existed and find other civs, and had the capability, why wouldn't it send out vast numbers of probes, each with a radio sending out messages and some kind of atomic battery to ensure long life.

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'Puzzling structures on surface' of YU55 spaceball

Heironymous Coward
Alert

That's no asteroid!*

It's a space station!

*Yeah, moon, I know, but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

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US Navy in new electromagnetic railgun milestone

Heironymous Coward
Holmes

two words

1000 tries

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Darth Vader mounts defence of doomed empire

Heironymous Coward
Mushroom

The second death star was intentionally designed to look as if it was still under construction, but when the rebels attack, the Emperor says something about "witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station".

So both death stars were completed (at least according to Mr. Lucas, who is I believe the authority on these matters). I won't try to comment on the timeliness w.r.t. scheduled completion time but reflecting on the incentives that Mr. Vader is able to put into operation I very much doubt they were far behind schedule...

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CERN boffins re-running neutrino speed test

Heironymous Coward
WTF?

Yeah..

It's like they get weekend off or something... WTF??

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Heironymous Coward
Mushroom

flogging a dead horse

18 responses and counting, all with minor variations on the theme "neutrinos pass thru anything and are hard to detect", without any non-topical interruptions - got to be an El Reg record. Sorry to break the chain, guys :-)

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Safe as Windows: Smartphones' security nightmare

Heironymous Coward
Headmaster

I think WE just DDOSed Poor Rob Cottingham. oops

there, fixed that for you.

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El Reg in SHOCK email address BLUNDER

Heironymous Coward
WTF?

Mistake

I didn't get it - could you please resend.

Thanks

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Cable employee admits replacing Superbowl feed with porn

Heironymous Coward

But...

a porn film IS a sporting event.

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Gulf of California terrorized by ONE-EYED MUTANT SHARK!

Heironymous Coward
FAIL

Um, yes.

Ever hear of Baja California? It's in Mexico, the long peninsula next to the Gulf of California. South of the US state of California.

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Laptop shoots spike into owner's hand

Heironymous Coward
Holmes

just four words: RoTM

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Why do these traders get billions to play with, unchecked?

Heironymous Coward
Paris Hilton

long-winded transaction?

Maybe you're not talking to the right girls ;-)

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Nigerians panic over killer calls

Heironymous Coward
Happy

No title is needed...

"We can only hope that 419 scammers will be among them" - you mean among the gullible people who believe the rumour? Or among the people who died when receiving a call from 09141?? I know which I hope for (happy icon)

Perhaps this would be a good telephone number for a 419 baiter to give to a scammer.

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Lincs bloke fined in deceased hedgehog outrage

Heironymous Coward
FAIL

Huh??

I'm all for non-IT stories - Paris, size 72 airbags, drunk moose in trees, Mr Bean prangs McLaren, etc.. This story was probably meant to fit in with the above mentioned and others in the same vein.

But this just isn't news. It isn't interesting, it isn't funny, it isn't memorable, and although it does involve 'naughty bits', the use of them is mundane and standard, and the visualization (in the absence of a decent picture) downright unpleasant.

Speakin of picture, itwas, IMHO, seriously subpar even for this below par story. No frogmen, playmobile people, cheeks, or silicon(e) anywhere. Can we please pick up the pace a bit, it can't be THAT slow a news day....

Oh, and I probably need to add a gratuitous FUCK YOU IDIOTS or similar for FOTW purposes (yes, I agree, a seriously sub-par attempt but the story deserves it...).

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Jeff Bezos' spaceship self-destructs in test flight

Heironymous Coward

Prior art...

Microsoft invented this for their Windows product - I believe the common term is "Blue Screen of Death".

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DNS hijack hits The Register: All well

Heironymous Coward
IT Angle

power cycle cult

Anyone who isn't familiar with the term "Did you try turning it off and on again?" doesn't deserve to be allowed to read el Reg..

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Prototype iPhone 5 lost in bar, right on schedule

Heironymous Coward

Deja vu..

You'd think they could at least try to lose one somewhere else than in a bar - in a park, at a movie, at a gym, in a brothel - don't these guys do anything other than drink??

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Woman in strop strip for Bermuda airport customs

Heironymous Coward
Coat

Next time...

she should just have asked to be searched where she was standing, rather than going to some other room. Surely that is within her rights. Wait to strip off until they ask, and it then becomes the problem of the searchers to make sure that she is not seen by small children. After all, small children are deeply affected by nakedness...

Or else, wear a tiny bikini under her clothes on the plane, she could immediately strip down to that in public without a problem. She could even strip down to it before entering customs...

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Average sozzled Brit sinks 5,800 pints during life

Heironymous Coward
Pint

You can call me Sir...

Someone here is being pretty lazy, or they never got through decimals. I refuse to believe that the ratios of drink types in the UK just happens to be all nice whole numbers:

1 glass of bubbly

1 glass of liquor

1 cocktail

2 bottles of cider

4 pints

4 shots of spirits

6 glasses of wine

It looks to me like someone rounded a lot of this off, saying "instead of 1.2:0.9:1.1:1.8:4.3:3.8:5.7, we'll make the numbers nice..." Alternatively, they took a small sample size and ramped it up to get the "whole picture" Either way, the numbers are difficult to swallow (pun intended).

But I'm glad that somewhere, someone is picking up my slack on the bubbly & spirits side and leaving me their unwanted pints...

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World needs needs Tequila power: report

Heironymous Coward
Pint

Misplaced priorities

Fine, displacing food production for ethanol is a problem. But there is no mention of the fact that agave-based ethanol production would displace tequila production...

Can we get a Friday icon please??

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Fingerprint scans learn to spot chopped-off fingers

Heironymous Coward

But

I may want a particular zombie to be able to pass the fingerprint scan, just not some other random zombie...

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Sorry, time travelers, you’re still just fiction

Heironymous Coward
Boffin

Hidden mass???

Change the mass to dark matter, that's pretty well hidden... And they say it has something to do with acceleration of the expansion of the universe, so we can probably get the acceleration needed out of it too.

Just send the Nobel to my email address, please...

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LOHAN: She's low orbit and helium assisted

Heironymous Coward
Mushroom

With all due respect* to Ms. Logan,

I agree re the alcohol fueled rocket. I also think the return to earth should be of the 'crash and burn' variety, with as much publicity as possible. Could you arrange for an 'accidental' crash landing on the London Eye or Big Ben or something??

* all due respect being taken literally here...

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California Mrs cuffed in drugged-hubby todger slash case

Heironymous Coward
Childcatcher

What about his eligibility

for a Darwin award? Two questions arise: was it his fault, and can he reproduce..

At some level, it was his at least partially his fault - his wife was upset enough to plan and carry this out, and after 11 years of marriage he should have been aware of what she was capable of. Also, he ate the dinner she gave him even though he felt it tasted strange (from a BBC article).

Problem is, he still should be able to reproduce through sperm extraction, if not by orgasm.

So, IMHO, no award for him. Better luck next time, buddy...

"Won't someone think of the children" icon, of course...

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Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Heironymous Coward
Coffee/keyboard

Can I..

have your icon, if you're not going to be using it? :-)

Although your comments were always a pleasure for us to read, I somehow doubt you would be able say the same about ours..

Take care, good luck, don't drink anything I wouldn't drink, keep the wit flowing..

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Lego lover builds big Barad-dûr replica

Heironymous Coward
Go

no problem

Buy if now for your future son / daughter. Of course, it would be a shame if something went wrong and it was not working when s/he is finally old enough to use it, so you will have to occasionally test it....

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Proper scientists: Old folk should drink MORE, not less

Heironymous Coward
Pint

Moderation..

Hey Lester, I think Sarah is taking this 'moderation' stuff a little too far, can you get an extra pint or two into her at lunch, please??

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