Paterson Joseph

Would be awesome!

Personal name

"Because the policy covers personal names, the Pope won't need to show trademark rights in his name."

Surely his 'personal name' is "Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger"?

So...

...who gives her more than a week?

Fraud or demanding money with menaces?

"A previous hearing found Gore and Miller had knowingly targeted innocent people when sending out letters based on IP addresses alone."

Why are these two charming gentlemen not facing a prison sentence?

Real name

So no one else on the planet can have the name "William Shatner"?

Bristol

What's going on with the extension of Bristol's coverage out into the Bristol Channel?

Wait, whut?!

They're banning it because it has 'too many' vitamins? Admittedly it's been a while since I was at University, but aren't excess vitamins simply excreted?

Accountancy tricks

So, basically, they'll count each "I'll update it 'cos Windows Update says so, even though I use Firefox/Opera/Chrome on a daily basis" as another satisfied customer?

Cognitive Dissonance?

"Have I been involved with superstitious practices or have I been involved with the occult?"

Am I the only one seeing the irony here?

Sex of operator - what about sexual orientation?

If you can choose the sex of the operator that sees the fuzzy picture of your wobbly bits, presumably to reassure the public that said operator is not getting his/her jollies over the pictures, does that 'choice' extend to the sexual orientation of the operator, too?

I would imagine that a homosexual man is as likely* to be as excited by seeing me technically naked as a heterosexual woman. Ditto for a gay woman or straight man for a female passenger.

I still think that having the operator hidden from view is much less of a reassurance than having them in plain sight where they can't take pictures with their phone-cam, make unpleasant remarks to their colleagues about the images on screen, furiously masturbate, etc., etc.

*Yes, I realise the likelihood in this situation is as near to zero as makes no odds.

Nothing new under the sun

I am reminded of when I used to work at a Toy Shop to pay the bills while at University. Every Christmas one particular toy would be the 'must have' for children that year and the stock of that item sent to shops was appallingly low. I actually had a mother accuse me of 'ruining their precious child's Christmas' by not selling them whatever it was. Lady, if we had them, I'd gladly sell it to you!

However by March we invariably had a shop-full of the toy in question that you couldn't give away

I'm not sure why this memory of pushy morons frantically trying to obtain the latest piece of plastic tat should have been brought to mind by the above story...

Tarnished reputation?

Presiding magistrate Julie Blackwell told the pair: "We think this sort of behaviour tarnishes the [town's] reputation..."

I'd be impressed if she managed to say that with a straight face. It's very difficult to tarnish a turd.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours

"We wondered who he was. We saw him a couple of times eating in the garden when the family were out and he said hello. He looked so at home we presumed he was a friend of the family and didn't say anything."

How wonderfully middle-class. You can imagine Penelope Keith in 'The Good Life' doing this.

Firewalls?!

I would rather that the "operational processors" were separated from "entertainment and information systems" by a flipping air-gap, then a potentially penetrable firewall!

I can see it now "Send us your credit card details or we disable your brakes"*

*Not required in Toyotas

Out of sight, out of mind?

"...code of practice which requires airport operators to put in place a privacy policy to protect passengers. This should include putting the security officer viewing the images out of sight of passengers. People chosen for scanning can ask for the images to be viewed by someone of the same sex."

So you can be sure that the security officer who you cannot see is in fact of the requested sex, can you? No chance of "well we've got no women on duty at the moment, we'll just tell them that Ted is female"

Also, the officer should be on view to prove that they're not cracking one off in private or using their mobile to take photos of the screen!

Essential accessories

What about each doll coming with a dozen frustrated "IT Kens" desperately trying to get her attention?

Make sure

IE isn't needed for updates, I am sick of clicking windows update and firefox is redirected to a "sorry you can't use your safe and secure browser, please dredge the programs directory and find that annoying shortcut you deleted years ago."

:)

Clarkson vote

Surely the Tories already have the Clarkson vote, so there's no need for this sort of pandering, is there?

Loss of Channel 5, ITV3 & ITV4

No pressing urgency to retune, then!

NOOP

NOOP is assembly language for NO Operation Performed. Is Noop a language that does nothing? At least it will be virtually impossible to write malware in it (until Microsoft write an interpreter for it, that is!)

@Sarah Bee

Help yourself to a Bourbon - it's only a Penguin without the chocolate coating, after all!

@Glen Turner 1

"All pins contact simultaneously, rather than earth first. Earth is at the top, disconnecting under gravity"

The Earth pin is longer and the contact closer to the 'surface' of the socket, meaning the Earth connects first (and the other pins can't enter the socket unless the earth pin is in place)

Also, the fact that the cable exits the plug at right angles to, rather than in line with, the pins means there's less chance of the plug pivoting out of the socket.

Language choices

Not available in Latin?

Is it Friday already?

Ah, but the Police Station at number 999?

@ AC 22/05 11:27

That was lost years ago!

Also, can't the BlackBerry be erased over the air?

@Daniel

"why do MSN have their DNS servers run by a company with a warez skript-kiddie name" I'm guessing the name is meant to be a portmanteau of "Domain" and "NZ" given that it's a New Zealand company...

@John Chadwick, dan russell & Eponymous Cowherd

[citation needed]

The historical representation of Jesus is based on critical analysis of the Gospels (which aren't evidence - no one knows who wrote them or when).

The only contemporaneous document that mentions 'Jesus Christ' is Flavius Josephus' 'Antiquities of the Jews' and there is much debate as to whether the passage in question is original, or a later interpolation - given that no one quoted the passage till the 3rd Century.

So please furnish us with this evidence. The Christian world has been waiting for it for centuries.

@AC [28th March 2009 22:32]

"I dont think HP blades would be were they are today if they had an inherant design flaws. "

Individual parts in products change from time to time and it's possible that HP picked up a batch of power supplies that are slightly less tolerant than normal.

I recall having a batch of Compaq (remember them?) PCs whose power supplies were prone to going bang and filling the room with foul-smelling smoke. We had a few go while commissioning them and more than a few after delivery. One of our more elderly secretaries got quite a shock when her new PC exploded and even more of a shock when the replacement unit we brought her did exactly the same thing. She thought we were trying to save the organisation the cost of retiring her...!

@AC 13/13/2009 16:51

I don't know if they'd break into a car, but they certainly scam people (and then tell them the error of their ways): see "The Real Hustle" (http://www.bbc.co.uk/realhustle/)

I disagree

"Categorization separates us from the animals"

Animals categorise everything into:

a) Things to eat

b) Things to fight

c) Things to *ahem* mate with

d) Things to run away from

e) Rocks.

@AC 27th February 2009 17:32 GMT

The vouchers for BT Openzone work on any Openzone hotspot. So even if the BT customer sells no vouchers, his WiFi is open to anyone who's bought Openzone credit elsewhere.

The idea is that you advertise as being an Openzone hotspot and flog vouchers to the public to use them - which is OK if your business is public-facing and has the infrastructure (e.g. a receptionist) to deal with that.

Some mistake, shurely?

"...extended musical hiatus broken only by their breathtaking performance at 2007's Live Earth spectacular in London."

What about the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert at Wembley Stadium (the old one) in 1992?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Mercury_Tribute_Concert#Without_Queen

Where's the "Stonehenge was in serious danger of being knocked over by a dwarf!" icon when you need it?

Surely

...as a Roman Catholic priest, he wasn't in the gene pool in the first place?

Unless choirboys count?

@EvilJason

I'm guessing the face blurring was accidental, it looks like the number plate of the car was the target.

Go icon because, well, she did!

Presumably...

...all future reviews of petrol cars will show them being pushed back to the garage to "show what would happen if they ran out of petrol"?