* Posts by Sir Barry

245 posts • joined 20 Apr 2011

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Ding-dong, reality calling: iPhone slump is not Apple's doom

Sir Barry

Revenues

Their quarterly revenues were "only" $50.6bn.

So their share price gets punished.

I'd be happy if the company I work for had that kind of revenue for an entire year.

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Redback sinks fangs into Oz builder's todger

Sir Barry

Suck

I wouldn't want to have to suck the venom out like you do with snakes...

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Tokyo rebrands 2020 Olympics

Sir Barry

Re: The whalesong is deafening where I work...

Oh dear

All I want to know is am I on the right channel?

All this animation and OTT nonesense is a complete waste of time and money. Money that could be better spent on making decent programmes.

Plain text -

SKY ONE

That is all most people (I assume) need.

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Jokes of no more than 2 lines

Sir Barry

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

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Sir Barry

Give a man a fish and he will Instagram it; teach a man to fish and he will still Instagram it.

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Sir Barry

History

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century?

Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

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Sir Barry

Study

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Sir Barry

Perspective

Life is all about perspective.

The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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Sir Barry

Donation

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

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Sir Barry

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer, I dunno what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I was in Thailand recently and I picked up one of them she-man's. I mean, I thought she was a women at first.

It wasn't until she drove me back to her place and she started backing into the garage that I thought to myself "Hang on a f%$king minute...."

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'Bring back xHamster', North Carolina smut watchers grumble

Sir Barry

They got it wrong

X Hamster should allow access to their content.

Just non-heterosexual content...

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Truly crap exhibition dumped on Isle of Wight

Sir Barry

Hmmm

Now that really is a shit excursion...

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Computers shouldn't smoke. Cigarettes aren't healthy for anyone

Sir Barry
Pint

Bless my sister

Nothing to do with smoking, but many years ago my sisters PC was playing up so I took a look. I ran some diagnostic software and then rebooted telling her what I was doing. I can't remember what I did next, but had to wait a while so I flipped her keyboard upside down and started shaking the debris out.

She asked me if I was rebooting the PC.

Took her a few years to live that one down.

Beer 'coz it's sort of Friday

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Domino's trials trundling four-wheeled pizza delivery bot

Sir Barry
Alert

Re: What am I missing?

Are you saying I should go 'outside'???

Madness, that suggestion is madness,,,,,,

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Met Police cancels £90m 999 call command-and-control gig

Sir Barry

Dispute the right to terminate contract

Hang on, I go into work and don't do my job I get sacked.

They have not been doing their job so they have been sacked.

How can they dispute that?

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German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

Sir Barry
Coat

Hmmm

Will he now be known as Lord of The Ring(s)

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IBM staffer at risk of redundo? Capita will wipe away your tears

Sir Barry
Unhappy

Experience

At least Capita can claim extensive experience in this area.

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Yelp-for-people app Peeple is back – so we rated Julia, its cofounder

Sir Barry

"no duty to take any action"

So, they provide a channel/forum enables people to write abusive things about others, but then deny all responsibility?

Well bugger me Joe and bugger them as well.

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Met Police hands £250m to CSC in IT outsourcing carve-up

Sir Barry

*Sigh*

Won't they ever learn?

Cheap Shitty Company will not save them money.

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Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

Sir Barry

10 Years Jail

That is some hard time just for a w*nk.

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Yahoo! is! up! for! sale! – so! how! much! will! you! bid!?

Sir Barry

Turnaround

I'm surprised Ms Mayer hasn't considered a new rebrand.

The slanted ! wasn't far enough, add another ! and ditch the purple for something edgy like red and black, extend the name to Yahoogle!!

You're welcome, that will be £150,000

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Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

Sir Barry

Obi-Wan

"This is not the phone you are looking for"

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Triple-murderer prisoner keeps mobile phone in his butt for a week

Sir Barry

Butt

This is butt dialing taken to a (w)hole new level.

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Sir Clive Sinclair in tech tin-rattle triumph

Sir Barry

Does the price include the cassette player?

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New Monopoly version features an Automatic Teller Machine

Sir Barry

Monopoly Mergers Commission.

And why is there only one of them?

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Sir Barry

Anyone working on an Ad-Blocker for board games?

Yeah, it's called a Felt Tip Pen or Magic Marker.

HTH.

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Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Sir Barry
Pint

Goat Kebabs

Cheers

1 pound boneless goat loin, cut into 1/2" cubes

1 cup plain low fat yogurt

2 Tbs orange juice

1 Tbs ground coriander

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp ground cumin

1/2 tsp salt

skewers

In a medium bowl, stir together yogurt, orange juice and all seasonings. Blend well. Add the goat meat cubes to the bowl, stir to coat with the marinade, cover and refrigerate for 4 - 24 hours.

Remove the meat from the marinade, pat lightly with paper towels to dry. Place meat evenly on the skewers. Grill over medium-hot coals, turning frequently, for about 10 minutes until nicely brown.

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Bill for half a billion quid lands on Apple's desk in Facetime patent scrap

Sir Barry
Pint

Beers all round

Bloody hell!

Apple spoke to El Reg.

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UK govt right to outsource everything 15 years ago – civil service boss

Sir Barry

Money

Being paid more than £1,000 a day to screw things up?

I can do that, where do I sign?

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ICO says TalkTalk customers need to get themselves a lawyer

Sir Barry

Re: Hold on a moment

A second breach should be classed as negligent as the website should have been overhauled after the first breach to ensure it didn't happen again.

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Sir Barry

Re: Hold on a moment

Maybe, the first data breach could be 'free', but any further breaches incur fines.

After all, if an organisation (such as a hospital or council) loses a CD/DVD/laptop containing peoples info they get fined.

Why should on-line data breaches be treated differently?

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Brit censors endure 10-hour Paint Drying movie epic

Sir Barry

Sequel

Paint Drying 2 - Stippled in Homebase starring Matt Emulsion (last seen in Paint Your Wagon)

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Twitter goes titsup

Sir Barry

OMG OMG, TWITTER IS DOWN AND SOMEBODY JUST SPOKE TO ME!

WHAT DO I DO, HEEEELP!!

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Lovelace at 200: Celebrating the High Priestess to Babbage's machines

Sir Barry
Coat

Ada?

I thought this was going to be about Linda.

Mine's the one with the video in the pocket.

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The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

Sir Barry
FAIL

Re: Courtesy of Barry White

Bugger, that's for me ------------------------------------------------------------------>

I stand corrected.

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Sir Barry

Re: Courtesy of Barry White

Barry White did it first....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPumYk2_Lzo

Song starts at 1:30

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Sir Barry

Courtesy of Barry White

Don't go changing, trying to please me

You never let me down before

I don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

I would not leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

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North Wales Police outsourcing deal results in massive overspend

Sir Barry

Re: (unnamed) IT contractor

That's what I saw....

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Sir Barry

(unnamed) IT contractor

2 minutes on Google and I found the press release from the IT contractor bragging about winning the contract.

"North Wales Police selects XXX for a five year Consolidated Managed ICT Services Contract"

So why are they unnamed?

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Former Sugar babe of Viglen fame set for Chrimbo exit

Sir Barry

Viglens customer base has expanded to embrace private and public sector; SMEs, education, health, local government and voluntary organisations.

www.viglen.co.uk

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Help! What does 'personal conduct unrelated to operations or financials' mean?

Sir Barry

Re: er ..... what poll ?

OK matey, shoddy work will earn you a P45

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Bank fined £1m after outsourcing faults led to improper transfers

Sir Barry

Meanwhile

Leonardo, Michelangelo and Donatello took the piss whilst Raphael started counting out the notes.

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Microsoft Office 365, Azure portals offline for many users in Europe

Sir Barry

Avoid

And this is why I avoid cloud services as much as possible.

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HPE to open private London drinking club

Sir Barry

Name?

Could call it Hic Pee

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Fifth arrest in TalkTalk hacking probe: Now Plod cuff chap in Wales

Sir Barry

Tut tut

Stop their comics, that'll teach 'em.

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ICO fines PPI claims firm £80,000 over 1.3m spam SMS deluge

Sir Barry

The Register has contacted UKMS regarding the firm's response to the fine. We have not received a response as of publication

Have you tried sending a text message?

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Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

Sir Barry
Coat

I hope there isn't any joking around as this is a grave situation.

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Coffee fixes the damage booze did to your liver, study finds

Sir Barry

Re: I wonder

Nescafe...

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