* Posts by Anonymous IV

490 posts • joined 13 Apr 2011

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IT boss 'set up fake companies to charge his employers $2.4m'

Anonymous IV
Joke

Re: I walked into the office one day only to be locked in an adjacent room

You make no mention of your arrest and conviction for tipping him off (probably for perverting the course of justice) ! At least you will have had a Redundancy Package enhanced by your former boss...

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Anonymous IV

@david bates

> I've always had to do regular money laundering training as well as bribery and corruption training.

So you're now a fully-qualified money launderer, briber and corrupter, then?

I remember a secondary-school teacher friend of mine, looking in The Guradian at an advert whose headline was "Could you put together a Youth Offending Team?"

His response was, "Yes, quite easily. Give me about 20 minutes..."

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If we can't find a working SCSI cable, the company will close tomorrow

Anonymous IV

Malchronism

> > When I was in sixth form, there weren't any computers!

> I assume you meant there weren't any computers at your school. Unless you were in sixth form over seventy five years ago! :-)

Seeing as the IBM PC didn't come out in the US until November 1981*, and in the UK the next year, I fear that your date calculations have a very large rounding error.

* I had the edition of Byte to prove it, but it got nicked...

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Linus Torvalds in sweary rant about punctuation in kernel comments

Anonymous IV

Punctilious

Remarkably apposite word in this circumstance!

In faraway days long, long ago, when IBM used to provide to customers the code of their mainframe DOS/VS operating system on microfiche, and people actually used to read it, there was a complaint from a shocked and horrified manager who objected to the comment "Loop 1000 times, just for the hell of it". The next version of the OS showed a change to "Loop 1000 times".

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Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Anonymous IV

Re: <3

<pedant>

Surely 'bae' is not a derivative of 'baby' but a truncation thereof? "Contraction" is a less-precise possibility.

</pedant>

waifu Japanese version of "English wife", or (fandom slang) A fictional character (generally female) from non-live-action visual media.

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Sociology student gets a First for dissertation on Kardashians

Anonymous IV

Printed on university toilet paper

"Sociology degrees - please take one."

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Man sues YET AGAIN for chance to marry his computer

Anonymous IV

"You may now kiss the C:\ drive"

Dear, oh dear, oh dear!

<pedant>

C:\ is the root directory of the C: drive.

</pedant>

Sack the marriage officiant!

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Bank tech boss: Where we're going, we don't need mainframes

Anonymous IV

Re: Utter drivel

Newcastle University was running the Michigan Terminal System on an IBM 360/67 doing time-sharing for ever so many students and staff in 1972, and probably a good deal earlier.

Still - what good is history and facts to a "bank tech boss"?

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Thief dresses as Apple Store drone, walks off with $16,000 in iGear

Anonymous IV

Re: Nice phone if you can get it repaired

> But if owners know the providence of the phone will take it elsewhere...

That would be Provenance, Rhode Island, I presume?

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NHS e-prescription service goes TITSUP: Problems since Monday

Anonymous IV

Re: Paper saver

> The electronic system now also requires me to sign the form at the pharmacy. Not sure why.

It is supposedly to indicate that you have received the prescribed items.

The member of staff who gives them to me just does a squiggle on the form, ever since I found out from Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) a few years ago that my signature is not required, and thus refused to sign it.

Gotta be a rebel in your old age!

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Hobbits really did exist – and endured erectus shrinkage, say boffins

Anonymous IV

"More excavations are needed..."

That's a new variant on the compulsory final sentence of any technical report: "More research is needed..."

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Our CompSci exam was full of 'typos', admits Scottish exam board

Anonymous IV

Verity Stob has been here before

She took an Open University course, and one of the TMAs was gibberish.

Andrew Orlowski took up cudgels on her behalf...

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Google-backed solar electricity facility sets itself on fire

Anonymous IV

"Solar electricity facility sets itself on fire"

And they say that Americans don't understand irony...!

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The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey

Anonymous IV

National Treasure

I would aver (and often do) that Verity's limpid prose is the nearest thing to a National Treasure that UK programming possesses, paralleled only by Lucy Kellaway's acerbic views of management incompetence.

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Brit polar vessel christened RRS Sir David Attenborough

Anonymous IV

Origin of 'Boaty McBoatFace' construct

Having Googled unsuccessfully, I cannot find whether this name (and thus the generic '---Mc---Face') was an original invention of James Hands, or derives from somewhere else.

"Hands confessed that the proposal was not even new. He suggested it last year in a contest to name a new boat for Condor Ferries operating between Poole and the Channel Islands. The eventual winner in that case was the more sober Liberation."

Does anyone have any knowledge about the origin of the construct?

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BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

Anonymous IV

Re: as if owning IT antiquity was one of those positive character traits

My oldest USB flash drive is a portly silvery-metal thing with a capacity of 28 MB.

Not even a nominal 32 MB. Can anyone explain this?

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Sysadmin given Licence To Perve shows why you always get it in writing

Anonymous IV

Re: SAID NO MANAGER EVER

> he realizes ex post facto that an apology is needed.

"Ex post facto" was certainly never said by any manager of my acquaintance!

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Go nuts, brother: Ubuntu 16.04 beta – no more auto data-spaffing

Anonymous IV

Re: It's the server version that got my attention

> "My test system [...] with [...] only 8 GB RAM."

Just a mere 8 GB, eh? And there was me thinking that Ubuntu (desktop, admittedly) would run in half a Gig of RAM...

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Tired of Windows 10 phoning home? Maybe the special Chinese govt version is for you

Anonymous IV

McAfee it to 'em!

> This version will be "a government-approved Windows 10 image, including Chinese capabilities such as government-selected antivirus software" ...

What irony and western amusement would result if the Chinese government selected McAfee antivirus. (They wouldn't, would they?)

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Met plod commissioner: Fraud victims should not be refunded by banks

Anonymous IV

Nobody seems to have mentioned Trust**r Rapp*rt

I haven't seen quite so many howls of abuse about slow running, inexplicable problems, unmitigated horror, and so on, over the last couple of years.

Is this because UK banks have stopped recommending/requiring it, or (gasp!) perhaps TR has fixed all its problems? (Compare Microsoft...)

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Pothole campaigner sprays Surrey street with phallic paintings

Anonymous IV

Ideal use for a 3D printer

Just clean out the grit from the pothole, do a 3D scan of it, then use a trusty 3D printer to produce an exact-shaped filler in tarmac. Insert in pothole. Job done!

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Off to Mars this summer? Don't forget your map

Anonymous IV

Re: Limited Edition

Less than infinity, I would imagine.

[or is it "fewer"?]

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Telling your wife why you were fired is the only punishment

Anonymous IV

Re: If you don't want to be traumatised by people's pictures ...

@ Bronek Kozicki

> ...a seemingly normal person from marketing...

I think I have identified your misidentification...

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Met Police cancels £90m 999 call command-and-control gig

Anonymous IV

Re: You have to wonder

> The simple answer is that this was a contract created by civil servants that have never been out working in the real world and as such are clew-less but just write what the contractor wants them to.

I think that's the best bit of creative homonym spelling I've seen for a long time!

Even more impressive is that "clew" is meaningful to sailors.

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BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon

Anonymous IV

Quibblage

I hate to quibble, but is the BOFH not closer to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle than to Schrödinger's Cat?

But now I'm not so certain...

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IT boss gets 30 months of porridge for trashing ex-employer's servers

Anonymous IV

Re: Dumb git cubed

> I'd like admin rights stripped from any staff the moment they hand their resignation in.

How would this help? If this is a known policy, then surely a nefarious individual would do all the naughty stuff before handing in their resignation?

(As you said in your first paragraph...)

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Plane food sees pilot grounded by explosive undercarriage

Anonymous IV

Re: Bah!

If we're really doing to nit pick, why not object to "Pilots and first officers don't eat the same pre-flight meals"?

They did object, since each one only got half of the meal...

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iPhones clock-blocked and crocked by setting date to Jan 1, 1970

Anonymous IV

Re: Microsoft a decade ahead of Apple

> MS-DOS had a time resolution of 2 seconds.

Well, the FAT file system certainly did, but not MS-DOS itself.

"A time resolution of two seconds should be enough for anyone..."

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Anonymous IV
Happy

Microsoft a decade ahead of Apple

The beginning of time for the MS-DOS FAT file system was 1st January 1980.

Which clearly shows something or other...

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You've seen things people wouldn't believe – so tell us your programming horrors

Anonymous IV

IBM trainee programmer reduces 4-byte program to 2

Some time around MVT 18 on IBM mainframes, a trainee IBM programmer in the new version release team had a brainwave, and thought that he could reduce the size of the 4-byte IEFBR14 program used in JCL as a 'don't-do-very-much program' to just 2 bytes, so as to save 50% of the space it required, and have it run faster, too!

IEFBR14 consists of

SR R15,R15 ; set the return code register to zero

BR R14 ; branch to the return address in register 14

He removed the first instruction, so the contents of R15 were undefined, and could have any value. This caused considerable unhappiness to occur with all jobs.

It is not known whether the programmer's employment with IBM was continued...

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How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

Anonymous IV

Re: Do organisations not use 360 feedback for support services?

> I wonder how you dealt with illiterates in high places.

They have PAs to do menial computing for them, surely.

<anecdote>We once had an IT manager who advertised for a 'Principle Secretary'. We thought this was a brilliant idea, for he had no principles of his own...</anecdote>

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Anonymous IV

Re: Stop being a smartarse who makes things worse

Some of the cheaper mice make a clicking sound when their buttons are pressed.

One I encountered recently made a sort of wheezy squeak - bin job...

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BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Anonymous IV

Nicely worded

...some slimy toe rag from HR (who's no doubt taken a break from making some single-income people redundant)...

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RBS and Natwest online banking goes titsup

Anonymous IV

Re: Maybe they got the MARKETS confused with their SERVERS

It would seem that RBS was right about a "major market crash this year".

If only Fred Goodwin's pension was market-dependent....

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Rejoice, Penguinistas, Linux 4.4 is upon us

Anonymous IV

"Emperor Penguin Linus Torvalds"

Nobody commented on this.

I liked it!

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Microsoft whips out PowerApps – now your Pointy Haired Boss can write software, too!

Anonymous IV

Re: Quick solutions/prototyping

> Yes, this used to be called Rapid Application Prototyping / Rapid Appication Development and has been re-invented as Aglie.

As in, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley...", by Mr R Burns?

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Australian cops rush to stop 2AM murder of … a spider

Anonymous IV

Re: Yeah but

> I literally have over a dozen baby huntsman spiders in my bathroom. I have no idea what to do on account of the fact that I don't want to kill them but they are very skittish and their small size makes them difficult to corral.

So there is a new Australian simile, "like herding baby huntsman spiders", rather than 'cats'?

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Lights, power, action! Smartplugs with a twist

Anonymous IV
Thumb Down

Life's too short

Of even less use than a solution looking for a problem, and failing, is 2000 words about it.

Congratulations to the author...

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Superfish 2.0: Dell ships laptops, PCs with huge internet security hole

Anonymous IV

Connection?

Perhaps someone more intelligent than me could explain the technical connection between a piece of spy software and a dodgy security certificate, apart from both being ungood.

It seems that here the author is comparing aardvarks* and anchovies*.

* apologies if either of these has been chosen for the name of a forthcoming release of Ubuntu...

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BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?

Anonymous IV
Joke

Re: Turkeyshoot Mascara & Monarco Retardo

The Boss didn't realise that these were the names of the next two Ubuntu releases?

How in heaven's name did he get his job?

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Exam board in 'send all' fail: Hands up who knows what the BCC button is for?

Anonymous IV

Re: Does anyone else wince when they see this phrase?

Indeed I did - it wasn't a 'phrase' but a couple of sentences.

The text is seen so often that it could be regarded as 'boiler-plate'...

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Think Fortran, assembly language programming is boring and useless? Tell that to the NASA Voyager team

Anonymous IV

I wasn't aware that FORTRAN was used to 'code' trite sayings.

At least it isn't in my copy of McCracken...

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Xiaomi preps Linux laptops for the post Christmas sales rush

Anonymous IV

At last!

The "Christmas of Linux"...!

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El Reg revisits Battle of Agincourt on 600th anniversary

Anonymous IV

The Agincourt Carol

Amazed that nobody has mentioned this contemporary song.

Many examples on YouTube, such as this one...

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Anonymous IV

Re: "We won the battle, but who won the war (not us)"

Olde literary joke:

"Dear Diary, Today the Hundred Years War started..."

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Ruin your co-developers' life with Mimic, the Unicode substitution tool

Anonymous IV

Already done in posts to local newspaper's website

A troll, apparently with unfettered administrator access to our local newspaper's website comment columns, has regularly posted the following boilerplate for at least a year:

"And when it comes to Gloucester Rugby, what the club really should have done, whilst he graced the Kingsholm turf, was to ensure that Ruƿert Hαrden (our first choice, our most talented and our most complete tight head prop) started as many games for Gloucester as was possible."

Inquiring whether "most complete" means "ungelded" would draw a level of vituperation beyond which I would ever wish to experience...

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TalkTalk attack: 'No legal obligation to encrypt customer bank details', says chief

Anonymous IV

Re: MBA "Qualification"

@Warm Braw:

+1 for quoting from Purcell's Dido and Aeneas.

There aren't enough references to Early Music in El Reg...

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Chaos at TalkTalk: Data was 'secure', not all encrypted, we took site down, were DDoSed

Anonymous IV

Re: Expect more....

You didn't work for RBS, did you?

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