* Posts by messele

129 posts • joined 8 Mar 2011

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Dead Steve Jobs to give iPod MP3 evidence from beyond the grave

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iPhone sales set to PLUMMET: Bleak times ahead for Apple

messele

Peak Hamill?

...no, just kidding folks. This tabloid gutter snipe clown flatlined years ago.

Daily Mail headhunters not been in touch yet then?

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Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

messele

Huh?

"Free" apps are absolutely "Free" and we should not need a bunch of Bureaucrats to muddy the situation for the simple reason that citizens cannot exercise a bit of self control, or in the case of parents, bother themselves to set up a few basic controls for in-app purchases.

If something is acquired that did not cost money or does not require money to be spent in order to function then it is free. Simple as.

Changing a word to an ambiguous, far more confusing word, only serves to give people the false impression that the situation has been fixed and they have no responsibility themselves when all this has done is make EVERYBODY potentially confused as to whether "Get" means it will cost money by taping that icon or not.

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OFFICIAL: Fondling of Apple's slab declines – iPad sales DOWN in Q3

messele

Re: Or

Ah the good old German quality myth. Any signs of rotten sills yet?

I've never seen the sense in flooding the market with product that ultimately doesn't turn the manufacturer a profit, especially since the only benefactor from a large user base is Google themselves, all the hardware manufacture has is the headache of support and warranty issues.

There's something very wrong in giving away a free tablet with a smartphone on contract or (as I note with Currys right now) a £20 discount on a £100 tablet, which after the discount, VAT, the retailers margin and import duty have all been knocked off must enter the UK for all of about 40 quid.

Barmy.

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So long, thanks for all the ...er, FISH BRIGHTER than boffins thought

messele

Deep Sea?

"Researchers from the University of Bath joined forces with London's Queen Mary University to work out how zebrafish perceive their deep sea surroundings."

They probably perceive them as a tad cold, dark and salty seeing as Danio are a temperate freshwater species...

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Apple tool: Buying an iPhone in a carpark? Find out if it's STOLEN

messele

Re: I can see what you're trying to do here El Reg.

Who's the more tool-ish; the tool or the tool who follows them (or the tool who follows them)?

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Not pro Bono: Apple's audio junk mail made spammers' lives easier

messele

Well this is bollocks

It's not as if they planted it on any device, but let's not let facts get in the way of rolling our sleeves up to give that barrel a good ol' scrape.

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Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched

messele

Re: Morbid.

I don't think Tim Cook is weird. What I do think is weird is somebody having the thought in their head of producing that piece of artwork and then taking the time to actually sit down and live out their fantasy.

That's REALLY creepy.

I'll be sure to point Luca Cordero di Montezemolo this way so he can cleanse the DNA of the company in his stewardship and clear out Enzo Ferrari's office (preserved since 1988) to appease you weirdos.

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Would Apple godhead Steve Jobs have HATED the Watch?

messele

No-mark journalist speculates on dead mans thoughts that nobody could possibly know on a product that he's not seen or used himself, or can even get the name right of.

Does spite directly correlate with revenue from those ad impressions?

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DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? New leccy BMWs have flimsy password security – researcher

messele

What, you mean the laminated glass that every car on the planet has had for decades?

Keep telling yourself that BMW's are somehow special. They're far from it.

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Watch: Kids slam Apple as 'BORING, the whole thing is BORING'

messele

Built into a beige case with all the beauty of a wet Milton Keynes morning

Both the Apple II and Milton Keynes were somewhat revolutionary in 1977. Compared to lesser objects of desire in the late '70's, like your mum, both were, and still are, things of beauty.

Rain just makes things even better.

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Faster Macbook Air pops out: What, a NEW Apple thing and ZERO fanfare?

messele

Meanwhile in his parent's spare bedroom...

Trashy wanna-be hack plunges slightly deeper to find a negative spin on a story that anybody else responded "more for less, I have no problem with that" to.

Target audience brand him a petty, worthless twat and lazy journalist*.

More for less.

*If sitting around in your underpants regurgitating shit that you found elsewhere on the internet infused with your own brand of spiteful vomit counts as a career these days.

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Apple stuns world with rare SEVEN-way split: What does that mean?

messele

Re: Translation

Bit weird how the entire IT industry readership seems to be a single mass of borderline Aspergers golf-clapping bitter fuckwits though isn't it?

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CEO Tim Cook sweeps Apple's inconvenient truths under a solar panel

messele

Glad to hear you are all posting your scorn from your soy protein bio degradable suparkomputers.

Let's hear about The Registers efforts to improve anything, I'm not looking for a miracle, just anything.

Thought not, what a load of hypocritical pricks.

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UK.gov chucks £28m at F1 tech for buses and diggers plan

messele

Re: Cue the bus fans complaining...

I have and I do so that blows your sweeping generalisation out of the water.

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Apple fanbois eat static as Beeb, Sky web stream vids go titsup on iOS

messele

Re: Fixed on iPlayer?

Yes same here. BBC have completed the necessary (DRM related?) work, Sky have not.

Anybody still think it's anything to do with iOS?

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Dashboard Siri! Take me to the airport! NO, NOT the RUNWAY! Argh!

messele

Anybody who doesn't like it can always buy an Audi.

No, but seriously everybody around you will quietly think you are an utter bellend.

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Daimler hints at Android-powered telematics in future cars

messele

Re: Daimler, not Daimler-Benz

Try "Daimler AG"

...so as not to get confused with the much longer established "Daimler Company Ltd." of England which was most certainly not founded by Gottleib Daimler.

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Apple fanbois DENIED: Mac Pro deliveries stalled until April

messele

C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-clickbait!

How many click bait posts does it take to 'earn' a fully loaded Darth Vader dustbin?

Answer please on the back of a postcard - and just toss 'em in your dark side receptacle.

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TONGUES OUT if you want to LICK Steve Jobs' BACKSIDE

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Stephen Fry rewrites computer history again: This time it's serious

messele

Re: The Reg...

Yeah, but no, but yeah...

So anyway, that aside you didn't answer the questions. Obviously the first one was too difficult but regarding the second.

"Is this intended to wind Fry up so he says something publicly in a sad bid to garner publicity?"

We all know he's a sensitive chap, so c'mon fellas it's near the end of the month. How are those quotas looking?

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messele

Fry may have got it wrong but so did Orlowski.

Chris Miller posted the correct version - as told by those actually present but you were all too busy having a go at Stephen Fry and tapping at anti-BBC rhetoric to read what he said weren't you?

Gates were NOT in the OS business when they started dealings with IBM. They were pitching their application software to them.

The story involves Gary Kildall, his wife, his lawyers, Tim Paterson of Seattle Computer Products. The suits of IBM and of course Bill Gates. If you do not mention the role of all of these people then you do not know the story. That doesn't really make you any better than Stephen Fry when you preach as you do.

First I've heard of any mental health issues though...

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Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

messele

Ok who had Apple on the first page on their 'Irrelevant Bingo' card?

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Apple: That 'white screen of death' nightmare? We'll fix it... AT SOME POINT

messele

My beta of 7.1 doesn't do it but then again nor did 7.0.4

Is it a big problem or is the tea kitty running low and it's Hamill's turn to 'put in'?

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Apple coughs up 7 hours of profit to refund kids' $32.5m app spend spree

messele

Re: Ow...

...and the punchline to your joke is?

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Samsung snafu at CES causes Michael Bay meltdown

messele

"So tell me what you think about our new marketing gimmick"...

..."Fucked if I know, the autocue broke and your PR guy only handed me the cheque five minutes ago".

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Samsung whips out 12.2-inch 'Professional' iPad killers

messele

No focus

Yet again no focus, no realisation as to why there was a mass exodus to the tablet for the general use.

I guess we can plainly see which of the turds that Samsung threw stuck to the wall this time round.

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Google and Apple in DRAG RACE: It's fanboi Mercs VS fandroid Audis

messele

Re: for fucks sake

Yeah but it is a BMW to be fair, had to be owned by a wanker, right?

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messele

Be interesting to see how much further Audi can plummet until they officially reach 'junk status'.

http://www.whatcar.com/car-news/full-results/1206903

Right around Citroen. Nice work boys!

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messele

Re: "...Mercedes-Benz and Daimler..."

Daimler-Benz and Daimler are two different companies.

Obviously that not what he meant but Daimler are actually British.

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messele

That would be a big leg-up for Audi.

In my limited experience of driving one of these dreadful bone-rattlers you can't even navigate by a full UK postcode.

No wonder they are all driven by angry bellends.

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Ho, ho, HOLY CR*P, ebuyer! Etailer rates staff on returns REJECTED

messele

Re: I feel it in the air

Exactly. They cannot legally reject returns so, as usual, this is probably a bunch of shit-stirring crap.

Still, nice baubles.

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'F*** off, Google!' Protest blockades Google staff bus AGAIN – and Apple's

messele

C-C-C-C-CLICK BAIT !

So where are the pictures of the Apple bus alluded to by the clumsy headline?

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Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

messele

The Apple charger IS universal though. There is nothing stopping you plugging other USB phones in to charge them.

The cable isn't universal though but then consider this:

The USB standard does not support anything more than about 5 watts over a mini connector so how is it that Apple should have to lower their standards and produce shite chargers with inadequate power supply capabilities just because everybody else is happy to stick with a cruddy design. How are you supposed to use and charge an iPad at the same time (and yes, in the context of power supplies phones and tables are the same thing).

Let's not forget why this came about, different designs of chargers and (captive) cables for all the crappy old Nokia guff from the last decade where virtually every phone had a different charger SKU. It's take the EU this long to get their shit together and now they are going to make a ridiculous mandate to correct a problem from the last decade that has already been solved.

Plus Lightning was designed to switch signalling as faster technologies come into play, hence the chip in the connector. But I'm not even starting on that one.

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Macbook webcams CAN spy on you - and you simply CAN'T TELL

messele

Hey here's a new one.

Y'know that camera and speaker on your phone? The only thing between them and the internetwebs in North Korea is a shaky piece of software.

We're all doomed.

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

messele

Amusing.

I note that Hamill does not quote his own words to Tim Cook that prompted this terse reply that is being paraded around like a Native American's scalp.

Judging by the thanks in the reply however it must have been THE MOST Bum-licky, two-faced, sycophantic crud yet from the bullshitmeister. Nice that he takes the time to regularly message somebody he has such contempt for though with such praise though.

Please sir can we see your message so I can laugh at your pathetic journalism career some more, please, please?

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Chinese gamer plays on while BMW burns to the ground

messele

Seems to me...

...BMWs are now so boring and ubiquitous nobody takes a second glance even when one is ablaze.

Congratulations on your new euro box toaster.

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Apple sends in the bulldozers as Fruit Loop construction begins

messele

Re: That ol' Devil called Green eyed monster again...

My deepest sympithys.

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messele

That ol' Devil called Green eyed monster again...

Bitchy bitchy, whine, whine...

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messele

Re: Its construction will be revolutionary...

...because competitors use lime and clay to hold theirs together? Noted.

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Ditch your boring iPhone for a hot Android piece, says Google's TOTALLY UNBIASED Eric Schmidt

messele

If die-hard droid heads are struggling to reconcile this consider one thing you can get your head round:

Samsung are nowhere near the top of the Android tree, they are junk in comparison to many yet this guy is gushing over them. Something smells fishy, and I'm not talking the contents of Eric's apple crumble.

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It's the games, STUPID: Sony makes 'about $18' on each PlayStation 4

messele

So retailers are selling the console for the glory and taking no cut at all are they?

Why even bother with these stories when the are clearly fabricated by arsehats trying to justify their utterly pointless bullshit analyst jobs?

A GCSE first year business studies student would be able to pull this utter crap to pieces with no knowledge of tech manufacturing.

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How d'ya make a JPMorgan banker cry? Ask him questions on Twitter

messele

That's weird.

When I took issue with the trolling newsies on here I got censored.

How does that work?

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Apple faces €1bn tax probe in Italy, claim legal eagle insiders

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Apple's new iPad Mini: ALREADY set for Black Friday PRICE SLASH

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Apple kicks iStuff-sniffer out of App Store

messele

That was marginally interesting news...

...when every other site reported it last week.

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KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

messele

"Your correspondent visited the London iPad Air launch and was unimpressed: Yes, it's an iPad, which weighs a bit less than the old one and is quicker."

This respondent doesn't give a fuck for the opinion of this so called correspondent but is amused that he wasted his time going to the launch of something he clearly was going to hate - just so he could hate it.

By the way, the tablet in the Daily Fail photo isn't an iPad Air. This is the second time this afternoon I've picked up on a 'The Recycler' supposed journo who's simply cut and pasted from some other incompetent fucking idiot journo elsewhere.

What are the qualifications to do this job exactly?

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Star Wars VII set for Xmas release. Ho, ho, ho... not THIS Christmas

messele

Re: Oh noes...

Well if it makes you feel any better Pulp Fiction was technically a Disney film (they bought Miramax the year before the film was released).

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messele

"The news agency also notes the movie will be shot in Blighty, as were the previous six, for studio purposes at least."

Then Reuters is very wrong, as is The Register (The Recycler) which, as usual has failed to double-check it's sources before going into a CTRL+C CTRL+V frenzy.

Star Wars to Jedi - The studio used was Elstree before the more historic part of the lot was turned into a bloody Tescos.

Phantom - The studio used was Leavesden - before Harry Potter took up residency.

Clones and Sith - Studio principles for both films took place at Fox Studios Australia. The pickups were photographed here too.

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Foxconn-rebrander Apple to rebrand hardware from other Taiwanese firms, too

messele

Re: Couldn't agree more.

Seems if you want to send one of Jasp's turgid tales down the crapper all you have to do is spam it with photos of Max Mosley taking it from Eva Braun.

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