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* Posts by Evil Graham

850 posts • joined 8 Jun 2007

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Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

Evil Graham
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There's always a human somewhere

As we saw on wikileaks a few years ago when drone operators happily blew up a minibus containing women, children and assorted wounded casualties.

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Want a more fuel efficient car? Then redesign it – here's how

Evil Graham
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Re: Hypermiling

"Perhaps I just hate everyone.."

Nothing wrong with that.

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Evil Graham
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What about the fuel injection?

Great article. This car is a prime candidate for junking the ancient ECU and replacing it with a modern hackable unit like a Megasquirt. You could have hours of fun with your laptop, tuning your car for optimum efficiency (or power, or whatever takes your fancy).

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Torvalds CONFESSES: 'I'm pretty good at alienating devs'

Evil Graham
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Frustration

I doubt that Linus stomps round like Malcolm Tucker all the time. From what I've seen, most of his rants are down to terminal frustration, when someone is causing a problem and earlier complaints haven't been addressed.

It's a big project, involving a lot of smart and headstrong people. I bet the same stuff goes on behind the scenes of many tech companies, it's just that you don't see it.

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Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

Evil Graham
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Re: NOT MALE

"I know more about electronics / software / computers than anyone I know."

But we don't know who you know.

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Evil Graham
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Re: Utopian drivel

"After all, those people that died in wars to support democracy, also died for our freedom to choose."

Well they died for freedom full stop. In my opinion that should include the freedom to not vote, if that's what you want.

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EE TV: Network snubs 'Auntie's antique' for mobe-happy set-top box

Evil Graham
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Re: Designed their own EPG

"And why does it need two, slightly different, clocks within ten pixels of each other?"

- and a minute apart?

Seriously, I think the top one is built in to the Android tablet's menu bar, so the EPG doesn't know anything about it. No idea why they disagree about the time though.

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HOT BABES! Worried you won't get that JOB in IT? MENTION how hot you are

Evil Graham
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My solemn promise

If I ever see any suitably-qualified, yet stunningly attractive, candidates for our engineering vacancies - I guarantee not to discriminate against them.

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SLOSH! Cops dethrone suspect - by tipping over portaloo with him inside

Evil Graham
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Re: "Well at least they'll have some manure"

Blimey. That told me.

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Evil Graham
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"All four officers have been put on gardening leave with full pay while an investigation is carried out."

Well at least they'll have some manure.

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Business is back, baby! Hasta la VISTA, Win 8... Oh, yeah, Windows 9

Evil Graham
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It's about time MS gave the corporate market some love

Because I sure as hell wouldn't use their stuff in my own time.

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Indian MOM just LOVES it on Mars, tweets fave holiday snap

Evil Graham
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Re: Do you get what you pay for?

"I wouldn't care if I just had a cellphone duct-taped to the side for pictures."

Knowing my luck, a firmware update would break the camera when it got there...

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Fake tape detectors, 'from the stands' footie and UGH! Internet of Things in my set-top box

Evil Graham
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Law abiding Mongolians

Good for them, they don't seem to be pirating anything.

Cue the massive trade delegation to fly out first class and find out how they do it.

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'Kim Kardashian snaps naked selfies with a BLACKBERRY'. *Twitterati gasps*

Evil Graham
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I think it's a good strategy really

Faced with a decline in public awareness, celebrities have to do get back in the public eye.

Traditionally, this would have involved 3 weeks in the Australian jungle with a bunch of other D-listers, during which you have to eat raw kangaroo bollocks and pretend that Ant and Dec are funny.

So now any sleb with a bit of common sense can bypass all that. Five minutes with a front-facing camera, a carefully orchestrated "leak" and voila - everyone knows your name. And what your arse looks like.

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Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Evil Graham
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Re: Golf

Have an upvote for not liking golf.

The game is bad enough, but even worse are the fucking people who play it.

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Early result from Scots indyref vote? NAW, Jimmy - it's a SCAM

Evil Graham
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Not quite true

The NSA will know.

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Scotland wins WORLD RECORD as voters head to referendum polls

Evil Graham
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"Plucky"?

Nice story, but you could have avoided the sports reporter cliche.

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Huawei: There'll be BLOOD spilled in the smartphone sector soon

Evil Graham
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Re: "luxury"

Oooh, we dreamed of a coal stove. We 'ad to carve messages into t'rock with our fingernails - and woe betide us if we went over 140 characters or father would strangle us with a charger cable.

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India's MOM Mars mission makes final course correction

Evil Graham
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Re: Nail on the head.

Hmm. To paraphrase, the original post said "there's poverty in India, so why spend money on space missions?".

My post said "there was poverty in 1970s America, and people said the same thing at the time".

Failing to see the strawman there. Just pointing out an analogous situation.

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Evil Graham
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Re: Nail on the head.

This argument is nothing new. At the height of the space race in 1970, there was a hit song in America called "Whitey On The Moon" - the point being that poor black people were paying taxes and getting not much share of the pie, while the government spent billions putting (white) men on the moon.

I've got sympathy with anyone in a position of poverty who sees these things as an expensive waste, but I don't believe that cutting research programmes would suddenly mean "yay, no more poor people". In the long term, it probably has the opposite effect.

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5 Nigerian gangs dominate Craigslist buyer scams

Evil Graham
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I don't need to worry about this

I got an email from Mark Carney this week, he's the Governor of the Bank of England in case you didn't know.

Apparently there's TWENTY MILLION SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS waiting for me to collect. So, in a couple of weeks I really don't think I'll be bothered if someone rips me off for the odd laptop.

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Even better than the iThing: Apple's Cook is strictly pro Bono

Evil Graham
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Re: How appropriate

Look on the bright side, every minute he's on stage with Apple is a minute he's not making boring records or preaching about something.

I bet he wears his sunglasses indoors as well.

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Jimbo tells Wikipedians: You CAN'T vote to disable 'key software features'

Evil Graham
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"Consultation" - that's an interesting word

It's the same word, for example, that your employer uses when you are about to lose your job.

When someone says that you'll be consulted on something, you shouldn't ever infer that you are going to get a say in the final decision.

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Evil Graham
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It's difficult to remember all those passwords

So I like to use a handy aide-memoire, such as the name of my dog.

That works very well, but now I am having trouble getting &eT6x_!"%pZ#12 to come back when I call him.

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Weekend reads: Colorless Tsukuru, Kool Korea and strange encounters with IKEA wardrobes

Evil Graham
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Re: Murakami does chic-lit

"This book was more like a Danielle Steel romance".

That doesn't sound promising, but I'm still going to have to read it because I've liked his other books a lot.

What would you say is the best Murakami book to start with? The first one I read was "Wind Up Bird Chronicle" and it would still be my favourite.

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Bright lights, affordable motor: Ford puts LED headlights onto Mondeo

Evil Graham
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Re: "Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive"

"I have come to the conclusion that if I /can/ move aside I will because I have no idea what someone else's emergency is."

OK maybe I didn't spell it out well enough. I don't drive slowly, but I'm not a nutter. I am really very happy to get out of the way whenever I can, but often it isn't possible. At such times, it's kind of stressful to have some spunkbubble in a mid-range saloon trying to ram me out of the way.

And no, I don't believe they are all taking a sick child to A&E. More likely they are just twats.

And Ford isn't helping by making the front of their cars look like angry sharks.

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Evil Graham
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Re: "Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive"

“Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive”

Speaking as a car-owning driver, I can't help thinking about the even more determined and aggressive middle managers who will driving 2 inches from my arse at 80mph on the way to a breakfast briefing, or a game of squash, or some other pointless wank that they consider to be life-threateningly important.

And no, before you ask, I don't hog the middle lane on motorways.

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BT customers face broadband and landline price hikes

Evil Graham
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Re: It wouldn't be so bad...

"Oh, it's a re-run of the football cock-up? That nearly killed ITV, as I recall, with the football on digital TV."

I don't think BT is at risk of going under, but its customers are certainly at risk of more price increases. BT spunked £900 million on 3 years of Champions League coverage starting from next year and they have to get the money from somewhere.

If you listen to their adverts for broadband at the moment they are saying that football coverage is "still free" with their service.

I don't know about you, but that strongly implies to me that it soon won't be.

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Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

Evil Graham
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Re: Mork Calling Orson

"Sad news. When will we take mental health seriously?"

Good point. Depression is a terrible thing. When you think that a man with his success and wealth could get to a point where death is actually the better option, it really makes you think.

There are no quick fixes, but a wider acceptance and understanding of mental health issues would certainly help.

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Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Evil Graham
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Re: Builders don't put up with this shit

"I think the people who built the empire drank delicate tea from fine china cups"

You're thinking of the people who *ran* the empire.

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Evil Graham
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Re: Scarcely relevant musing

"Does anyone know why 99% of the UK population pronounce latte as "lah-tay"?"

Yes. It's because we don't give a fuck.

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Evil Graham
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Builders don't put up with this shit

A proper cafe opens early, serves artery-hardening fried food all day, only lets you in with a high-viz jacket on, and has tea. The proper sort of tea. Tea that built an empire.

There also might be a rat scurrying along the skirting board, but you can't have everything.

There isn't any wi-fi either, but they do have a copy of the Sun.

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BBC man Linwood 'was unfairly sacked' over £100 MILLION DMI omnifail

Evil Graham
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Re: Never mind the "talent", what do their HR people get paid?

No need to wonder, it's on the website. Lucy Adams, who was HR Director until April this year, got £320,000:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/aboutthebbc/insidethebbc/managementstructure/biographies/adams_lucy/

It would seem that the industrial tribunal got this right, in ruling that the employee was 15% culpable and 85% scapegoat.

The big question is what happens next, given that there's bound to be a compensation payment and that senior management have shown themselves reckless in their knee-jerk removal of the guy in charge of a massively failing project.

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Simian selfie stupidity: Macaque snap sparks Wikipedia copyright row

Evil Graham
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Whatever the legal arguments

The monkey selfie on the front page of today's Independent was a beautiful thing which brightened my day.

For that, Mr Slater surely has earned some reward.

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Brit kids match 45-year-old fogies' tech skill level by the age of 6

Evil Graham
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"i'm more interested on how 20-30somethings 'now' will fare when they reach retirement age - will they struggle with new tech?"

I don't know, but by then I definitely won't be in a position to care.

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African samba queen: Don't cut off pirates' net connections – cut off their FINGERS

Evil Graham
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"Nah, throw them into an arena with a pointy stick - last one out only gets his head chopped off. Televise it, of course."

Yeah, I would definitely torrent that.

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Cut price Android on steroids: OnePlus One – should we look gift horse in the gob?

Evil Graham
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Re: Send to China for warranty repairs?

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your messages, I had to send my phone to China for repairs."

Well if I was going to do that, or use one of my 8 clunkers from the discarded tech drawer, or communicate by standing on a hill and waving flags, I could probably save even more money by not buying a phone at all.

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Evil Graham
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Send to China for warranty repairs?

It looks like a nice phone, but that would rule it out for me. Who can live without a phone for that long?

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END your Macbook SHAME: Convert it into a Microsoft SURFACE

Evil Graham
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Re: Just one question

"Is it possible to pledge negative amounts on Kickstarter?"

As it was partly your idea I'm going to have to cut you in on a slice of my new venture, but here it is: Kickstopper.

Basically we come up with really fucking terrible products, and the good people of the Internet have to pay to stop us making them.

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Scotland's BIG question: Will independence cost me my broadband?

Evil Graham
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Independence will create jobs

But unfortunately only for bureaucrats and politicians.

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Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN

Evil Graham
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My stupidest question ever

I remember my first trip to one of our Indian offices. Standing outside having a nice cup of tea at break time, I noticed a security guard frantically beating the shit out of something on the floor with his shoe.

When I enquired of my colleague what the guard was doing, he said "oh, he's killing that snake".

"Is it poisonous?" I asked.

"Yes of course it is. That's why he's killing it".

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Secure microkernel that uses maths to be 'bug free' goes open source

Evil Graham
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"Later that day, the management consultants were told to leave and not come back."

My experience of Amstrad products would suggest that they fired the engineers.

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Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE

Evil Graham
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Re: Speaking as a CRT user...

"Ancient Nazi Alien Ghosts"

In jest, you have just come up with a programme idea better than 90% of what's out there.

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Porsche Panamera S E-Hybrid: The plug-in for plutocrats

Evil Graham
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18% for me.

My dentist has got a Panamera, which makes me think I am in the wrong business.

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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Evil Graham
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Jaywalking - an artificial crime

I always wondered what the hell "jaywalking" was, and why most countries have no concept of it. Turns out that it was more or less invented by the US automotive industry - apparently it was their way of fighting back against negative publicity when the first cars started killing pedestrians on the roads.

The BBC ran a brilliant article about it: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26073797

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SMELL YOU LATER, LOSERS – Dumbo tells rats, dogs... humans

Evil Graham
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Re: ... a mammoth 2,000 olfactory receptor genes, ..."

"In fact we should replace police dogs and horses entirely with police elephants"

I fully agree. Let's see a drunk football hooligan punch one of those fuckers.

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Captain Kirk sets phaser to SLAUGHTER after trying new Facebook app

Evil Graham
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Re: A classic

You may be right about Shatner getting a "worst song" vote on a 1980s radio show, but it wouldn't have been for "Common People", which was only released (in Shatner style) in 2004.

Even the original Pulp version only goes back to 1996.

Anyway, as other people have already mentioned, all Shatner's works are pretty much genius.

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Native Americans KILLED AND ATE DUMBO, say archaeologists

Evil Graham
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Bloody Americans

Typical.

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

Evil Graham
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Cracking response time frm the local PD

I would never have envisaged getting caught within 3 minutes.

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Airbus promises Wi-Fi – yay – and 3D movies (meh) in new A330

Evil Graham
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My gripes

By all means let people have wi-fi and stuff, but let me go in a low-tech section where I don't have to listen to all the self important business twats with their regional sales figures, conference calls and PowerPoint wankery. I can see it now, spread all over the cabin like an extension of their office in a "look at me I'm so important and busy" kind of way.

Also, why can't a 20% larger-than-average person like myself pay 20% more for 20% more space and a 20% bigger seat? Why is the only option Business Class, which is 20% more of everything (and a curtain) for 250% more money?

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