* Posts by Evil Graham

957 posts • joined 8 Jun 2007

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SEX-starved worm can GIVE HEAD to ITSELF to reproduce

Evil Graham
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"I wish I could do that."

Give him a biscuit, he'll probably let you.

[The old ones are still good]

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Teaching people to speak English? You just need Chatroulette without the dick pics

Evil Graham
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Vodafone are already doing this

They might call it "customer support" - but now I've read this article, I've seen through their ruse.

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Subaru Outback Lineartronic: The thinking person’s 4x4

Evil Graham
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Re: I have

"One (other) thing that I do not miss at all about the UK is the rampant jealousy and disdain for anyone who's actually done better than you, regardless of how much harder they worked for it."

Yeah, but I'd miss the sense of humour if I moved. Obviously that's less of an issue for some people.

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Evil Graham
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Re: I have An Audi...

That's why your comment is first. It was probably behind our comments, then cut in front of them at the last moment.

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Github's 'Atom' text editor hits version 1.0

Evil Graham
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Re: Still no print capability?

"You print code out?"

- Of course not. But I want to be able to.

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Evil Graham
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Still no print capability?

I've tried it out a few times and it seems like a reasonable editor, but it doesn't have a print function.

Now I know it's the 21st century, and we are all supposed to be hacking our Next Big Idea together in a trendy Shoreditch coffee bar, but I would have thought that a user might occasionally want to put something on paper.

Call me old fashioned (because I am), but this seems like a strange omission for a text editor.

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Tech Mahindra posts profit warning: The end for Indian outsourcing?

Evil Graham
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Strange picture

Are those actually Tech Mahindra employees, or a random group of middle aged Indian people sitting on plastic chairs looking vaguely grumpy?

Perhaps they are shareholders.

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Giant male member spontaneously ejaculates over Norway

Evil Graham
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Easy solution

Put a bag over his head.

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Ditching political Elop makes for a more Nadella Microsoft

Evil Graham
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Technocodger

"...the "old farts" who cut their teeth on Computer Science in the mid 80s had to learn a heck of a lot more about the actual iron than the web junkies cranked out today"

Amen.

If "technocodger" is not yet in El Reg's lexicon, I hereby nominate it for inclusion. It is at least as good as "commentard" and could even be the next "twatdangle".

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Foxconn's going to 'exploit' Indian labour? SCORE! Bye, poverty

Evil Graham
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Re: OK, then... (@John Brown)

"IIRC, it has been shown that the ratio of number of suicides to number of employees was about the sameas any other similarly sized large group and therefore a non-story"

I agree, and I've posted about this before. I was in China at the time that story was current, and the press there made exactly that point - Foxconn employs hundreds of thousands of people and in a population that large you will get some problems.

I think Tim's point in the article is a good one. It's easy for us with relatively affluent western lifestyles to look at a foreign electronics factory and find the conditions harsh, but it's all relative. If you've moved from the remote countryside where the roof on your shack always leaks and you can't feed your family, then it might be a step up.

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Ed Snowden should be pardoned, thunders Amnesty Int'l

Evil Graham
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Re: Sometimes it helps to be old

"To me, what he did was just as brave and praiseworthy as signing the Declaration of Independence. He stood up against wrongful practices of his government."

I fully agree. In my opinion, he should not only be getting a pardon, but a Nobel Peace Prize.

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GCHQ gros fromage stays schtum on Snowden and snooping

Evil Graham
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Re: An intelligent Intelligence boss?

"I feel slightly reassured that the person in charge of the bin sniffers isn't easily outwitted by a direct question."

Maybe the questioner had drafted the question on his laptop before the meeting...

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (of the net). Make your vote count

Evil Graham
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Take GCHQ's crown?

Are you implying that they can't win it again this year? Because they'd be top of my list pretty much all the time.

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Trial halted as Kartoon defence attorney arrested after warrant discovery

Evil Graham
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Re: "There’s going to be smarter lawyers out there, but no one’s going to work harder than I will."

It's not the best advertising slogan, I'll give you that.

Even worse is the possibility that his perception of time has been warped by all the illicit substances, so that he just *thinks* he's working harder.

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Naked cyclists take a hard line on 'aroused' protest participant

Evil Graham
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Re: Where are the police?

They are busy downloading all our metadata.

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There's data in your dashboard, so liberate it from Big Auto's grasp

Evil Graham
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Re: can't listen to it

You commute 1 mile each way, at 19mpg? And we wonder why the planet is fucked.

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NASA's Jupiter moon mission becomes acronymathon

Evil Graham
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They sound like NSA project names

Might as well get the surveillance in early, just in case they find life.

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Queen's Speech: Snoopers' Charter RETURNS amid 'modernisation' push

Evil Graham
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Superb timing

Bringing in new powers to undermine our right to privacy whilst simultaneously disentangling us from that pesky European Human Rights legislation.

I sincerely hope these bastards fail.

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Well YES, Silicon Valley VCs do think you're a CRETIN

Evil Graham
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Re: Well,

"Our toaster lies in the cupboard for over 25 days a month, it is taken out every now and then and plugged in for a couple of minutes to make some toast, before it is packed away in the cupboard again."

I read this several times, but I still don't comprehend. You seem to be living an almost toast-free existence.

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AI pioneer reckons China's where the Rise of the Machines will start

Evil Graham
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He's not wrong

"...a willingness to challenge even basic assumptions"

I have worked with Chinese software engineers on a number of occasions and they certainly challenged my basic assumptions.

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Use your Apple gizmos only for good, says Tim Cook

Evil Graham
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True-ish

"...just as Steve envisioned, they empower people all over the world"

Well they empower the ones who can spare £600 or so.

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Stripped to the core and full of Xfce: Xubuntu Linux loses it

Evil Graham
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Re: Get with the times

"With the benefit of being designed by the world's finest engineering teams in Redmond"

There, FTFY.

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Massive police 'heavy equipment' robot drags out suspect who hid inside television

Evil Graham
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Re: It is better to send robots

"I'm all for the occasional Brazilian plumber dig at the Met..."

Actually the police record on shooting unarmed Brazilian plumbers is impeccable. Electricians, well that's a different story.

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CSC picks up the axe yet again, eyes 800 staffers' quivering necks

Evil Graham
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Top Management Skills

I love this bit:

"...admitted that it had experienced “issues” with recruiting staff with skills needed to complete contracted work"

I wonder if they have noticed that firing large numbers of people at regular intervals has a negative effect on one's image as a good employer? It's only a hunch, but I reckon I am onto something here.

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Hordes spaff cash on Chip titchyputer to rival Pi (maybe)

Evil Graham
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Hipsters

Indeed they are.

My favourite is the enigmatic "Wynter". He wears a hat indoors while playing his guitar. You can't get much more hipster than that.

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Malfunctioning Russian supply podule EXPLODES above Pacific

Evil Graham
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Stressful

Surrounded by rubbish, toilets backing up, tomorrow's dinner burnt to a crisp.

The next guy to get his guitar out for a David Bowie singalong is going to be wearing it.

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Google's 'stale pale males' to be replaced by crack black chick pack

Evil Graham
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What do they mean, stale?

I doubt that it's a synonym for "old", given that the median age for Google employees is 29.

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Apple taxpayers swarm to stone-age iPhone 6+ purely for the bigness

Evil Graham
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And why not?

"How galling it must be to be an Android ODM and cram in interesting new features, only for punters to flood back to Apple, for doing the same thing it’s always done"

There's a lesson there though. How annoying is it when you have been happily using something without any particular problems, then the manufacturer makes rampant changes to the UI just because fashion, or bling, or differentiation or whatever?

As a customer you would much rather they devoted their efforts to fixing actual bugs, or making your thing play nice with other things, but no. They have to reinvent stuff and you have to learn it all again.

I don't have an iPhone and there are many things I could criticise Apple for - but this isn't one of them.

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Singapore's prime minister releases source code for his hand-coded Sudoku-solver

Evil Graham
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Re: Senior Wrangler

Absolutely. For a good indication of how impressive this is, look at who has finished *second* in past contests. According Wikipedia, James Clerk Maxwell, J. J. Thomson and Lord Kelvin - to name just three.

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Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

Evil Graham
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Re: Ahhh, machine learning

"Deckard: You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.

Rachael: Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?"

The film got that a bit wrong. The grumble fans of the 21st century would have said "what's a magazine?"

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Is Grant Shapps being naughty on Wikipedia – or did a Lib Dem stitch him up?

Evil Graham
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No side is looking good here

I wouldn't go as far as a Reg commenter who, in replying to Mr Shapps' Register article from 2010, called him a "lying, clueless gobshite" - but the problem is that Shappsy has got form.

Even though it looks very much like he has been stitched up here by Lib Dem activists and the media, his denials are ringing hollow because he's been caught out previously in some major lying action.

Of course, being a politician he didn't actually admit that he'd lied. He said that he had "over-firmly denied" the accusation. Much as I dislike the guy, I have to admit this is a beautiful bending of the English language, at least as good as anything they came up with in Yes Minister. It will no doubt make it to the lexicon of great political euphemisms, alongside "economical with the truth" and other such classics.

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The Government Digital Service: The Happiest Place on Earth

Evil Graham
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Martha Lane Bloody Fox

I can't understand the adulation.

She isn't a technology expert or a serial entrepreneur; she had one big hit during the dotcom boom and has since ridden a raft of quangos, charities and boardrooms. I can't see that she has brought anything other than her name to any of them.

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Trading Standards pokes Amazon over 'libellous' review

Evil Graham
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Re: Typical EURO answer

"And you call Americans litigeous"

No. I would call them litigious.

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The content business wants Netflix out of Australia

Evil Graham
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Cordell Jigsaw Zapruder

Seriously?

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Let’s PULL Augmented Reality and CLIMAX with JISM

Evil Graham
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The Joy Of PowerPoint

Like many of us, I sit through a lot of PowerPoint presentations. This is of course very boring, but I find there is a lot of entertainment and education to be extracted from the presenter's Skype, Outlook and other assorted notifications - which helpfully pop up in the lower right corner at regular intervals.

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Mega fatcat Kim Dotcom in deportation drama over SPEEDING ticket

Evil Graham
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As cats go

... that is a particularly fat one.

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Radio 4 and Dr K on programming languages: Full of Java Kool-Aid

Evil Graham
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This is exactly the problem

From the article:

"The whole series dances between addressing the Radio 4 audience, which can name every character in A Merchant of Venice but who’ve never heard of Ada Lovelace or Gordon Moore..."

In this country it's fine to have an arts programme on TV or (more likely) radio that goes as deep as you like, with as many world class experts as you can find.

With science and technology subjects? I'm not convinced we are there yet. There are some good presenters, but the material always gets dumbed down.

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Labour manifesto: Tech Bacc, not-spot zapping and hi-speed interwebs

Evil Graham
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"Thank god the Tories understood that we need teach children about what's going on under the hood."

But I don't think that they do all need to know that.

Actually for the great majority of people, the intricacies of the insides of a computer are way beyond their skill or desire to understand. I'm not being condescending. The world is a complex place and is becoming more complex. We can't all expect to know everything about the stuff we interact with.

What's more important is that we don't overlook any of the young people who are capable of following successful and fulfilling careers in our industry. I would suggest that the best way to do this is with high quality education in core maths and science subjects, combined with interesting, rewarding and stable job opportunities.

Give people a solid grounding and they'll be much more able to cope with the vagaries of our industrial landscape.

And yes, I know these things are easier said than done.

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PHYSICS APPLECART UPSET as dark energy disappears, Universe slams on brakes

Evil Graham
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Re: Analogy

"Nah, you only have to ask . . ."

If you really have a time machine then that should be "you only will have had to have asked"...

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Struggling through the Crystal Maze in our hunt for a spare CAT5

Evil Graham
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"Visual SourceSafe was unusable at such shared bandwidth"

It wasn't all negative then.

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Silence is golden: Charlie Chaplin's The Tramp is 100 today

Evil Graham
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Re: The greatest speech ever made.

I have never taken much interest in Chaplin, nor watched his movies - but after reading this article and looking at the clips I might be warming to him.

The speech in the Great Dictator is as relevant now as it was when he wrote it. Maybe that's why Paolo Nutini sampled it in "Iron Sky".

Thanks El Reg for today's little bit of education.

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Non-American nerds jam immigration pleading for right to live in the US

Evil Graham
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They've got this nailed in China

I've just come back from the US and saw this article in the NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/04/us/california-homes-raided-in-federal-crackdown-on-chinese-birth-tourism.html

Basically, expectant Chinese mothers book a trip to the US, have the baby there and then return home. According to the article the baby is entitled to a US passport and (upon reaching the age of 21) can assist its parents to immigrate.

Now that's what you call long-term planning.

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Ding Dong, ALIENS CALLING

Evil Graham
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Re: Ding Dong, ALIENS CALLING

Should be: "Boom! And yooouuurrr'e out!"

Even at near-light speeds, the laws of grammar still apply.

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Building a better society from the Czechs' version of Meccano

Evil Graham
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Re: Had the pleasure of working with Russians trained in tne 80s

You are right about Russian resourcefulness. There was a great documentary a few years ago about the influence of the Beatles behind the Iron Curtain.

Russian teenagers, like everyone else at the time, wanted a piece of this new sound but obviously couldn't get hold of electric guitars. It was easy enough to make the wooden bit, but they were stuck for the pickup coils until somebody realised that telephones had them. Within days, every public phone box in town was mysteriously non-functional.

With that problem solved, of course next you need an amplifier and speaker. Luckily, the Soviet government had thoughtfully installed public address systems at every major intersection so that they could keep the local populace updated on the latest tractor production figures and also provide a bit of uplifting patriotic music to keep everyone's spirits up.

You can see where this is going really...

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Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

Evil Graham
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A bit sad

It's not going to be much of a life for the first one is it? It'll be really lonely and also uncomfortably warm.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was quite irritable.

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Mature mainframe madness prints Mandlebrot fractal in TWELVE MINUTES

Evil Graham
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Re: Dot matrix? Pah!

One nice thing about working on billing system for the Gas Board - your work could be made famous by the popular Sunday night consumer affairs show "That's Life".

As I recall, they had regular features about how rubbish computers were, usually because a pensioner had received a gas bill for 2 million quid or whatever.

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Our 4King benders are so ace we're going full OLED, says LG

Evil Graham
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Location location location

"At its recent annual trade preview held at Mercedes-Benz World in Surrey..."

Within spitting distance of Sony's Weybridge HQ. I wonder if that's a coincidence?

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Osbo: Choose a f*cking IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Evil Graham
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Re: The two-fridge dig

"Miliband is a career politician who has to entertain journalists, party members and so on quite a lot and sensibly has a small kitchen off his living room to make this easier."

Well I'd have thought it was easier to entertain lots of people in a big kitchen. But hey, what do I know? Perhaps that's why I'm not running the country.

Mind you, neither is Ed.

On a more serious note, perhaps if politicians stopped bickering about each other's kitchens they'd have more time for shit we actually care about. Like building enough houses, creating opportunities for young people, stopping America reading all our Interwebz, that sort of thing. You know, the hard stuff.

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Evil Graham
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The two-fridge dig

Osborne's little quip about people with two fridges is a not-very-subtle joke at Milliband's expense (the Labour leader had a family photoshoot in what turned out to be the smaller of the two kitchens in his house).

Now I'm all for people having a dig at well-off politicians who are trying to look more "normal" than they actually are, but not when it comes from a smug upper class twat who has spent his life nestling in a comfort blanket of inherited wealth.

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Improved Apple Watches won't get more expensive? Hmmm

Evil Graham
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@Justthefacts: Re: Only if you do calculations for fun....

"Plus, research shows that broadly people aren't made happy by absolute material wealth. The only thing that makes them happy is being paid more than the average of their peers."

The first part is true, but I'm not convinced about the second bit. In my experience, people's happiness in the workplace is an extremely complicated mix of factors - and relative pay is just one of them. Engineers, for example, will often care less about the financial rewards if the work is interesting and/or the tools are cool. Working for enlightened and competent managers can also be a big plus. However much you earn, crap management can make you unhappy.

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