* Posts by Evil Graham

915 posts • joined 8 Jun 2007

Page:

Ding Dong, ALIENS CALLING

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Ding Dong, ALIENS CALLING

Should be: "Boom! And yooouuurrr'e out!"

Even at near-light speeds, the laws of grammar still apply.

5
0

Building a better society from the Czechs' version of Meccano

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Had the pleasure of working with Russians trained in tne 80s

You are right about Russian resourcefulness. There was a great documentary a few years ago about the influence of the Beatles behind the Iron Curtain.

Russian teenagers, like everyone else at the time, wanted a piece of this new sound but obviously couldn't get hold of electric guitars. It was easy enough to make the wooden bit, but they were stuck for the pickup coils until somebody realised that telephones had them. Within days, every public phone box in town was mysteriously non-functional.

With that problem solved, of course next you need an amplifier and speaker. Luckily, the Soviet government had thoughtfully installed public address systems at every major intersection so that they could keep the local populace updated on the latest tractor production figures and also provide a bit of uplifting patriotic music to keep everyone's spirits up.

You can see where this is going really...

4
0

Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

A bit sad

It's not going to be much of a life for the first one is it? It'll be really lonely and also uncomfortably warm.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was quite irritable.

3
0

Mature mainframe madness prints Mandlebrot fractal in TWELVE MINUTES

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Dot matrix? Pah!

One nice thing about working on billing system for the Gas Board - your work could be made famous by the popular Sunday night consumer affairs show "That's Life".

As I recall, they had regular features about how rubbish computers were, usually because a pensioner had received a gas bill for 2 million quid or whatever.

1
0

Our 4King benders are so ace we're going full OLED, says LG

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Location location location

"At its recent annual trade preview held at Mercedes-Benz World in Surrey..."

Within spitting distance of Sony's Weybridge HQ. I wonder if that's a coincidence?

0
0

Osbo: Choose a f*cking IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: The two-fridge dig

"Miliband is a career politician who has to entertain journalists, party members and so on quite a lot and sensibly has a small kitchen off his living room to make this easier."

Well I'd have thought it was easier to entertain lots of people in a big kitchen. But hey, what do I know? Perhaps that's why I'm not running the country.

Mind you, neither is Ed.

On a more serious note, perhaps if politicians stopped bickering about each other's kitchens they'd have more time for shit we actually care about. Like building enough houses, creating opportunities for young people, stopping America reading all our Interwebz, that sort of thing. You know, the hard stuff.

5
0
Evil Graham
Bronze badge

The two-fridge dig

Osborne's little quip about people with two fridges is a not-very-subtle joke at Milliband's expense (the Labour leader had a family photoshoot in what turned out to be the smaller of the two kitchens in his house).

Now I'm all for people having a dig at well-off politicians who are trying to look more "normal" than they actually are, but not when it comes from a smug upper class twat who has spent his life nestling in a comfort blanket of inherited wealth.

17
3

Improved Apple Watches won't get more expensive? Hmmm

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

@Justthefacts: Re: Only if you do calculations for fun....

"Plus, research shows that broadly people aren't made happy by absolute material wealth. The only thing that makes them happy is being paid more than the average of their peers."

The first part is true, but I'm not convinced about the second bit. In my experience, people's happiness in the workplace is an extremely complicated mix of factors - and relative pay is just one of them. Engineers, for example, will often care less about the financial rewards if the work is interesting and/or the tools are cool. Working for enlightened and competent managers can also be a big plus. However much you earn, crap management can make you unhappy.

4
0

Health & Safety is the responsibility of Connor's long-suffering girlfriend

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

You can never have too much process

h) Add a new audit process so that every code checkin has to be reviewed by 3 layers of management to ensure that the dreaded pointer-to-stack-memory bug can never happen again. (Turn down the request for an automated static analysis tool on grounds of cost).

9
0

Tired of IoT hype? Internet of SLUGS and SPIDERS is the reality

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Conformal Coating

Might help on the PCBs.

0
0

Top Euro court ends mega ebook VAT slash in France, Luxembourg

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: VAT Fraud!

"VAT is a luxury tax."

Well it might have been described like that when they introduced it, but the current rules (in the UK at least) are not logical at all. For example - children's clothes and footwear are taxed at 0%, whereas the adult equivalents attract the full rate. At what point during your transition from child to adult did clothing become a "luxury".

There are loads of other anomalies. A bingo ticket is exempt, but energy-saving materials to insulate your house are taxed at 5%.

So I'm not sure what policy the government is trying to pursue with VAT rates, but it definitely isn't rational.

7
1

Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Life Imitates Art?

There's an episode of Family Guy where Peter Griffin has plastic surgery and joins a club like this.

That was very funny, as satirical TV cartoon shows go, but it's fucking weird when it happens for real.

0
0

'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: "instead of putting it in my pocket, I put it in the seat next to me"

"So, despite having one put him in hospital and being frightened of them, he still bought another one?"

No, Mr Johnson didn't say that thing about putting it on the seat. His lawyer (Mr Della) did.

Johnson apparently has no plans to buy another phone.

6
0

Phabba-dabba-do: Samsung hypes up Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge

Evil Graham
Bronze badge
Coat

Apple brought you U2

Samsung only gives you The Edge.

17
0

How good a techie are you? Objective about yourself and your skills?

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

To sign, or not to sign...

... that is the question.

Whether you do or not is a matter for your own personal conscience. But for what it's worth, I enjoy the clarity and passion of your writing. Whatever you do, keep that up at least.

3
0

Marconi: The West of England's very own Italian wireless pioneer

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: I think I may have family involved

@jeffdyer

The thing with pedantry is that it can bite you in the arse.

It should be "the 1930s" and "his 90s" (without apostrophes).

Normally I wouldn't care, but he who lives in glass houses and all that.

12
1

Did NSA, GCHQ steal the secret key in YOUR phone SIM? It's LIKELY

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Astouded!!

"How was Bletchley Park right and this wrong?"

One of them cracked codes to shorten a horrific war and restore liberty to millions of people. The other did the opposite. You work out which was which.

9
0
Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Does anyone still think this is only about terrorism? ...Its just too big a dragnet...

Actually I think the US and UK administrations find all this terrorism convenient, because it gives them a warped justification for all the snooping.

A cynical person might even suggest that their actions are deliberately stirring it up.

6
0

Jamie Oliver serves up steaming pile of malware

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: My windows got wiped out by a bad windows update.

Step 3. That's where your problem is.

2
1

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: WOW!

The key word here is "promised". That's not quite the same as "fixed".

Promises are cheap, like Greek government bonds.

5
0

This optical disc will keep your gumble safe for 2,000 YEARS

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Reminds me

"1980: tidy = really good"

I'm happy to report that one hasn't changed in Wales.

0
0
Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Reminds me

"They were trying to think of monuments they could build that would last and would clearly indicate, regardless of language, 'danger'."

Maybe they should try a different approach - build a fake RadioShack store on it. No one seems to be interested in those.

4
0

Bankruptcy could see RadioShack close doors for good – report

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Before you get too critical of the staff

Check out this insider's story about what it's actually like to work there:

http://www.sbnation.com/2014/11/26/7281129/radioshack-eulogy-stories

It's a bit long, but a good read. I will never moan about my job again.

OK that's an exaggeration. I might not moan about it today.

1
0

Enough is ENOUGH: It's time to flush Flash back to where it came from – Hell

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Plugins are actually the symptom, not the root problem

"... it was useless but I never got a virus from it!"

Ignorance, as they say, is bliss.

1
0

Tough at the top: IBM CEO Ginni Rometty troughs $10 MEELLION+

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: A mockery of performance related pay

"Has this pay been approved by the shareholders as yet?"

Unfortunately, shareholders love it when CEOs start laying people off - because it makes everyone think there's a plan.

6
0

'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Not sure who is being punished the most here...

I'm not a violent person, but that surely is one punchable face isn't it?

11
0

Switch it off and on again: How peers failed to sneak Snoopers' Charter into terror bill

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

People just aren't angry enough

I imagine like many of us I have friends who are techies and probably more friends who are not.

My technically-aware friends get angry about these rampant abuses of technology that infringe our human rights, but the non-tech people generally don't because they just don't understand it.

And here's the problem. Imagine the government presented a new bill saying that all cars had to be fitted with GPS trackers so that we know where they all are (because terrorists use cars - and it's fine, because we aren't going to look *in* the car, just see where it's going). Naturally there would be uproar and such a law would have no chance of being passed, because people understand the implications.

But when it's applied to something less tangible like the interwebz - well that's just a murky pool of jargon and complexity. And anyway it's only my cat videos and Skype sessions with family in Australia. If I've done nothing wrong, I've got nothing to fear and all that.

These are the attitudes we are facing.

16
1

Dark Fibre: Reg man plunges into London's sewers to see how pipe is laid

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Gives new meaning...

... to the phrase "laying a cable".

12
0

Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: I always

Have an upvote for Girl on a Motorcycle. I was very young when I watched it but it stirred something in my loins for both girls and motorcycles.

0
0

Microsoft: Flunked our test? Fear not, techies...

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: @Evile Graham Second time?

In my defence:

- I found the article via Google.

- The Telegraph didn't do the survey, Continental Tyres did.

- The first search result was actually the same story in the Daily Mail, so I spared you that at least.

3
0
Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Second time?

"The best drivers are generally considered to be those who passed their test on the second time of asking (ahem, this writer included)..."

Being a cynical person, that sounded to me like an urban myth propagated by people who failed their first driving test.

However, there does seem to be some evidence behind it: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/7260489/Safe-drivers-have-already-failed-a-driving-test.html

2
0

SECRETS of the LOST SCROLLS unlocked by key to HEALTHY BOOBS

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Wouldn't it be great....

I bet it says "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".

11
0

MYSTERY RADIO SIGNAL picked up from BEYOND our GALAXY

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Contact

"Ever seen a didgeridoo?"

1
0
Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"Unless the event is traveling towards us very very very quickly?"

That would be news in itself, as everything else in the universe is moving away.

1
0

Facebook poaches design talent from Toronto firm – fate of staff unknown

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"Oh don't come over all high and mighty. I'd do the same..."

I'm sure a lot of people would. The point here though is the generic PR-speak that tries to pretend the move was made for higher goals, rather than just a massive bucket of cash.

I tried to read it all, but it seemed to be written in "wank".

1
0

Amazon's tax deal in Luxembourg BROKE the LAW, says EU

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: EU "law"

"When I were a lad, you needed some kind of democratic legitimacy to create law."

On the contrary, I would like to see *more* separation between our government and the judiciary.

2
1

US and UK declare red-team CYBER WAR – on EACH OTHER

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Will it be like the pwn2own contest?

Like, if you successfully break in to a bank you get to keep it?

5
0

Missing defective BEAGLE FOUND ON MARS! Amazing claim

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: Next step

It's been there a while now, so it's probably acquired a wheel clamp and a "Council Aware" sticker.

7
0

Preserve the concinnity of English, caterwauls American university

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"I assume you had the teacher taken out and shot?"

He certainly should have.

Come to think of it, if we are to accept that modern usage replaces "have" with "of" (and I am having a bit of trouble accepting that, but never mind), how are we supposed to indicate the abbreviated form in written English?

For example, I can write "she should've been shot" and that would be fine, but I have yet to see anyone write "she should'f been shot".

6
0

What do UK and Iran have in common? Both want to outlaw encrypted apps

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"Yup, and we voted them in."

This is only true for some values of "we".

7
0

India digs deep to bury neutrino-hunting chamber

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: mutated neutrinos

Perhaps your downvoter didn't get that this is a reference to the risible Hollywood disaster movie "2012", in which that very thing happens.

Look out for Dara O'Briain's critique of this awful film, which was part of his live stand up routine a while ago. Very funny.

1
0

Lube company merger receiving second 'in-depth' probe

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Real concerns

Sheldon Mills, CMA director of mergers, said: "Durex and K-Y are two very well-known personal lubricant brands.."

He's right. Everyone else is just a johnny-come-lately.

4
0

BILL GATES DRINKS 'boiled and treated' POO. Ah, 'delicious'

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: nothing new here

"Only one of the class took up his offer to do the same. Ironically, that person went on to get a Phd in Chemistry."

I shared a flat with some medical students once. I'm pretty sure they would have drunk it on the way in.

2
0

Hire and hold IT staff in 2015: The Reg's how-to guide

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Ooh, get you and your bonus

"I’m reminded of the cheque for £100 I once received from an employer for 10 years’ service"

My missus got £100 from the NHS for 30 years service. I think it was one of those cases where "nothing" would have been the better option.

0
0

DON'T PANIC! Latest Anonymous data dump looks old hat

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"Okay, I am back on board with the images in stories now."

I fully agree. In fact I think *all* stories about any kind of hacking should be attributed initially to Anonymous, at least until we know for sure it isn't.

4
0

You have a 'SIMPLE QUESTION'? Well, the answer is NO

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Lost train passengers

The reason you attract hordes of needy travellers at train stations is simple: you can't possibly be less helpful than the people who work there.

10
0

Untangling .NET Core: Open source for Windows, Mac, Linux

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

<whatever> is the future

None of this sounds like a terribly bad idea, but Microsoft have had too many of these epiphanies. Every time they change direction, they leave behind armies of developers who have invested sweat and money in the last-greatest-thing.

People are going to take a lot of convincing this time.

14
1

Tor takes off the gloves after sustained staffer harassment

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Anyway, back to the point

I read the statement a few times and as far as I can tell, the main thing that they are going to do is "fuck all".

2
0

Sonic BOOM: 10 blast-tastic soundbars

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

Re: £800 for a SOUNDBAR!

That's more than I spent on the telly.

3
0

Europe's top court mulls vandal's right to privacy after bloke catches thug on home CCTV

Evil Graham
Bronze badge

"Well, you probably aren't going home any time soon... ;-)"

Or you might be going to a lovely new home, where the weather is much hotter and everyone wears an orange jumpsuit.

2
1

Page:

Forums