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* Posts by Evil Graham

831 posts • joined 8 Jun 2007

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India's MOM Mars mission makes final course correction

Evil Graham
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Re: Nail on the head.

This argument is nothing new. At the height of the space race in 1970, there was a hit song in America called "Whitey On The Moon" - the point being that poor black people were paying taxes and getting not much share of the pie, while the government spent billions putting (white) men on the moon.

I've got sympathy with anyone in a position of poverty who sees these things as an expensive waste, but I don't believe that cutting research programmes would suddenly mean "yay, no more poor people". In the long term, it probably has the opposite effect.

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5 Nigerian gangs dominate Craigslist buyer scams

Evil Graham
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I don't need to worry about this

I got an email from Mark Carney this week, he's the Governor of the Bank of England in case you didn't know.

Apparently there's TWENTY MILLION SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS waiting for me to collect. So, in a couple of weeks I really don't think I'll be bothered if someone rips me off for the odd laptop.

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Even better than the iThing: Apple's Cook is strictly pro Bono

Evil Graham
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Re: How appropriate

Look on the bright side, every minute he's on stage with Apple is a minute he's not making boring records or preaching about something.

I bet he wears his sunglasses indoors as well.

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Jimbo tells Wikipedians: You CAN'T vote to disable 'key software features'

Evil Graham
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"Consultation" - that's an interesting word

It's the same word, for example, that your employer uses when you are about to lose your job.

When someone says that you'll be consulted on something, you shouldn't ever infer that you are going to get a say in the final decision.

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Evil Graham
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It's difficult to remember all those passwords

So I like to use a handy aide-memoire, such as the name of my dog.

That works very well, but now I am having trouble getting &eT6x_!"%pZ#12 to come back when I call him.

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Weekend reads: Colorless Tsukuru, Kool Korea and strange encounters with IKEA wardrobes

Evil Graham
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Re: Murakami does chic-lit

"This book was more like a Danielle Steel romance".

That doesn't sound promising, but I'm still going to have to read it because I've liked his other books a lot.

What would you say is the best Murakami book to start with? The first one I read was "Wind Up Bird Chronicle" and it would still be my favourite.

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Bright lights, affordable motor: Ford puts LED headlights onto Mondeo

Evil Graham
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Re: "Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive"

"I have come to the conclusion that if I /can/ move aside I will because I have no idea what someone else's emergency is."

OK maybe I didn't spell it out well enough. I don't drive slowly, but I'm not a nutter. I am really very happy to get out of the way whenever I can, but often it isn't possible. At such times, it's kind of stressful to have some spunkbubble in a mid-range saloon trying to ram me out of the way.

And no, I don't believe they are all taking a sick child to A&E. More likely they are just twats.

And Ford isn't helping by making the front of their cars look like angry sharks.

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Evil Graham
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Re: "Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive"

“Slim headlamps can make a vehicle’s exterior appear more determined and aggressive”

Speaking as a car-owning driver, I can't help thinking about the even more determined and aggressive middle managers who will driving 2 inches from my arse at 80mph on the way to a breakfast briefing, or a game of squash, or some other pointless wank that they consider to be life-threateningly important.

And no, before you ask, I don't hog the middle lane on motorways.

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BT customers face broadband and landline price hikes

Evil Graham
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Re: It wouldn't be so bad...

"Oh, it's a re-run of the football cock-up? That nearly killed ITV, as I recall, with the football on digital TV."

I don't think BT is at risk of going under, but its customers are certainly at risk of more price increases. BT spunked £900 million on 3 years of Champions League coverage starting from next year and they have to get the money from somewhere.

If you listen to their adverts for broadband at the moment they are saying that football coverage is "still free" with their service.

I don't know about you, but that strongly implies to me that it soon won't be.

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Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

Evil Graham
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Re: Mork Calling Orson

"Sad news. When will we take mental health seriously?"

Good point. Depression is a terrible thing. When you think that a man with his success and wealth could get to a point where death is actually the better option, it really makes you think.

There are no quick fixes, but a wider acceptance and understanding of mental health issues would certainly help.

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Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Evil Graham
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Re: Builders don't put up with this shit

"I think the people who built the empire drank delicate tea from fine china cups"

You're thinking of the people who *ran* the empire.

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Evil Graham
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Re: Scarcely relevant musing

"Does anyone know why 99% of the UK population pronounce latte as "lah-tay"?"

Yes. It's because we don't give a fuck.

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Evil Graham
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Builders don't put up with this shit

A proper cafe opens early, serves artery-hardening fried food all day, only lets you in with a high-viz jacket on, and has tea. The proper sort of tea. Tea that built an empire.

There also might be a rat scurrying along the skirting board, but you can't have everything.

There isn't any wi-fi either, but they do have a copy of the Sun.

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BBC man Linwood 'was unfairly sacked' over £100 MILLION DMI omnifail

Evil Graham
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Re: Never mind the "talent", what do their HR people get paid?

No need to wonder, it's on the website. Lucy Adams, who was HR Director until April this year, got £320,000:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/aboutthebbc/insidethebbc/managementstructure/biographies/adams_lucy/

It would seem that the industrial tribunal got this right, in ruling that the employee was 15% culpable and 85% scapegoat.

The big question is what happens next, given that there's bound to be a compensation payment and that senior management have shown themselves reckless in their knee-jerk removal of the guy in charge of a massively failing project.

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Simian selfie stupidity: Macaque snap sparks Wikipedia copyright row

Evil Graham
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Whatever the legal arguments

The monkey selfie on the front page of today's Independent was a beautiful thing which brightened my day.

For that, Mr Slater surely has earned some reward.

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Brit kids match 45-year-old fogies' tech skill level by the age of 6

Evil Graham
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"i'm more interested on how 20-30somethings 'now' will fare when they reach retirement age - will they struggle with new tech?"

I don't know, but by then I definitely won't be in a position to care.

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African samba queen: Don't cut off pirates' net connections – cut off their FINGERS

Evil Graham
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"Nah, throw them into an arena with a pointy stick - last one out only gets his head chopped off. Televise it, of course."

Yeah, I would definitely torrent that.

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Cut price Android on steroids: OnePlus One – should we look gift horse in the gob?

Evil Graham
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Re: Send to China for warranty repairs?

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your messages, I had to send my phone to China for repairs."

Well if I was going to do that, or use one of my 8 clunkers from the discarded tech drawer, or communicate by standing on a hill and waving flags, I could probably save even more money by not buying a phone at all.

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Evil Graham
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Send to China for warranty repairs?

It looks like a nice phone, but that would rule it out for me. Who can live without a phone for that long?

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END your Macbook SHAME: Convert it into a Microsoft SURFACE

Evil Graham
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Re: Just one question

"Is it possible to pledge negative amounts on Kickstarter?"

As it was partly your idea I'm going to have to cut you in on a slice of my new venture, but here it is: Kickstopper.

Basically we come up with really fucking terrible products, and the good people of the Internet have to pay to stop us making them.

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Scotland's BIG question: Will independence cost me my broadband?

Evil Graham
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Independence will create jobs

But unfortunately only for bureaucrats and politicians.

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Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN

Evil Graham
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My stupidest question ever

I remember my first trip to one of our Indian offices. Standing outside having a nice cup of tea at break time, I noticed a security guard frantically beating the shit out of something on the floor with his shoe.

When I enquired of my colleague what the guard was doing, he said "oh, he's killing that snake".

"Is it poisonous?" I asked.

"Yes of course it is. That's why he's killing it".

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Secure microkernel that uses maths to be 'bug free' goes open source

Evil Graham
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"Later that day, the management consultants were told to leave and not come back."

My experience of Amstrad products would suggest that they fired the engineers.

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Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE

Evil Graham
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Re: Speaking as a CRT user...

"Ancient Nazi Alien Ghosts"

In jest, you have just come up with a programme idea better than 90% of what's out there.

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Porsche Panamera S E-Hybrid: The plug-in for plutocrats

Evil Graham
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18% for me.

My dentist has got a Panamera, which makes me think I am in the wrong business.

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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Evil Graham
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Jaywalking - an artificial crime

I always wondered what the hell "jaywalking" was, and why most countries have no concept of it. Turns out that it was more or less invented by the US automotive industry - apparently it was their way of fighting back against negative publicity when the first cars started killing pedestrians on the roads.

The BBC ran a brilliant article about it: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26073797

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SMELL YOU LATER, LOSERS – Dumbo tells rats, dogs... humans

Evil Graham
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Re: ... a mammoth 2,000 olfactory receptor genes, ..."

"In fact we should replace police dogs and horses entirely with police elephants"

I fully agree. Let's see a drunk football hooligan punch one of those fuckers.

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Captain Kirk sets phaser to SLAUGHTER after trying new Facebook app

Evil Graham
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Re: A classic

You may be right about Shatner getting a "worst song" vote on a 1980s radio show, but it wouldn't have been for "Common People", which was only released (in Shatner style) in 2004.

Even the original Pulp version only goes back to 1996.

Anyway, as other people have already mentioned, all Shatner's works are pretty much genius.

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Native Americans KILLED AND ATE DUMBO, say archaeologists

Evil Graham
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Bloody Americans

Typical.

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

Evil Graham
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Cracking response time frm the local PD

I would never have envisaged getting caught within 3 minutes.

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Airbus promises Wi-Fi – yay – and 3D movies (meh) in new A330

Evil Graham
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My gripes

By all means let people have wi-fi and stuff, but let me go in a low-tech section where I don't have to listen to all the self important business twats with their regional sales figures, conference calls and PowerPoint wankery. I can see it now, spread all over the cabin like an extension of their office in a "look at me I'm so important and busy" kind of way.

Also, why can't a 20% larger-than-average person like myself pay 20% more for 20% more space and a 20% bigger seat? Why is the only option Business Class, which is 20% more of everything (and a curtain) for 250% more money?

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Evil Graham
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Re: title is too long

Sadly, iTunes eventually got me to do what it wants.

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Get ready for LAYOFFS: Nadella's coma-inducing memo, with subtitles

Evil Graham
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Re: Translation:

"Let me see if I can do more damage than Ballmer..."

Well they're going to save money on chairs at least.

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Call girl injected Google exec with heroin, drank wine, left him to die – cops claim

Evil Graham
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Oh, won't someone think of the monkeys?

"Life is great. I am seriously blessed as a motherf****r. A great boyfriend, nice house, monkeys, loving family ... doesn't get any better than this I don't think."

Seriously - there really hasn't been enough discussion in this comments section about the monkeys.

I am trying to get my head round this new version of the American Dream. One day, boys and girls, if you work hard, you can grow up to have a great house, a loving partner, cute kids ... and some monkeys.

It's what we're all working for isn't it?

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Amazon sues former employee who took Google cloud job

Evil Graham
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Re: Can't see the gray area here

In English law (don't know about the US), non-compete clauses are certainly enforcable if they are considered reasonable, relevant and sufficiently constrained to the employer's business interests.

Clauses (like this one) of 6 months or so are pretty common for senior staff, so at first glance it looks like this guy has a problem if he's agreed a six month period but started at Google within a month.

Anyway it'll be interesting to see what happens.

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You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

Evil Graham
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Not just contractors

Most of the same gripes apply to pretty much anyone working in a big corporation, not just contractors. Who hasn't experienced that "Emperor's New Clothes" feeling on a regular basis?

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Farewell Felix Dennis, deal-maker supreme of tech publishing

Evil Graham
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Re: Your Sinclair and Viz

Yep. I will be eternally grateful for Viz and the chuckles it has given me.

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'I got a little bit upset by that Register article...' says millionaire model. Bless!

Evil Graham
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Budgeting

I love this

"We have invested less than 0.0001 per cent of our budget in thinking about Facebook Likes."

She got 200 grand and claims to have matched that, so the total budget is about £400K. So therefore they have spent less than 40p thinking about Facebook Likes.

But does that mean they have spent more than 30p? In the public interest I demand to know what they bought for 30-something pence that allowed them to think about Facebook Likes.

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Code Spaces goes titsup FOREVER after attacker NUKES its Amazon-hosted data

Evil Graham
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Never mind cloud

It's bad enough that a business should entrust its entire crown jewels to a cloud storage service. But in this case, unless I've misunderstood, it seems like a whole bunch of companies entrusted their crown jewels to a third party who then stored said jewels on their behalf ... in something with a single point of failure.

That's a whole extra level of fuckwittery IMHO.

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Evil Graham
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Re: bummer...

If the comment said the criminals were "pricks", would you assume that the author hated men?

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WORLD CUP SHOCK: England declared winner in 2-1 defeat to Italy

Evil Graham
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Re: So england won

"Nevilles commentary"...

Now that "Britain's Got Celebrity X Factor" is off the air, I assume there must be an unused auto-tune machine lying around the studio. Problem solved.

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Snowden's Big Brother isn't as Orwellian as you'd think

Evil Graham
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"Orwellian" isn't an absolute

The article seems to be making the case that since the extremes described in 1984 haven't (all) happened in Britain (yet) then we should all be jolly grateful and get on with our lives.

But that's missing the brilliance of Orwell's vision. The book isn't supposed to be a literal prediction of our future; rather it's an allegory that shows us what might happen if we aren't careful.

It's good that the article mentioned other regimes that have veered much further into totalitarianism than we have (the former East Germany for example), but just because other people have had it worse doesn't mean we have nothing to worry about.

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Mobe-orists, beware: Stroking while driving could land you a £4k fine

Evil Graham
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Re: GOOD

Yup, I see the same sort of thing from my motorbike.

It's even more scary when you don't have a big metal cage around you.

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'CAPTAIN CYBORG': The wild-eyed prof behind 'machines have become human' claims

Evil Graham
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Wouldn't it be beautifully ironic...

... if one day a cyborg materialised from the future and shot him?

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Russians turn Raspberry Pi into fully-fledged autopilot

Evil Graham
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@James 47

I heard that too - someone told me a non-military GPS unit must have a design ceiling of 60,000 feet for exactly that reason.

So I just had a look at Wikipedia and apparently it's true:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Positioning_System#Restrictions_on_civilian_use

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Spammer pops Kidspot tots 'n' cots chatterhub

Evil Graham
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Oh dear

"The emails were not thought to contain malicious payloads."

- yet.

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US citizens want stricter CO2 regulations by two to one – Yale poll

Evil Graham
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Re: About time

"Sure hope Sean Lock crossed the Atlantic by swimming, because if he instead flew on a modern jet, he more than used up years of his carbon quota. :)"

I think the point here is that a modern jet is the only practical way to travel between the US and Europe. But a 7 litre V8 truck is not the only practical way to pop round to the shops.

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Evil Graham
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About time

As the comedian Sean Lock once said, "I visited the USA recently, and while I was over there I realised that any effort I had made to prevent global warming, was like turning up to an earthquake with a dustpan and brush."

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Entering the Dragon: A little data from Big China

Evil Graham
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Suicide

Interesting point about suicides at Foxconn. I was in China when this story was getting attention from the Western press, and I remember reading about it in an English-language paper over there.

Just like you, they were mystified by all the fuss and made the same point - that statistically the suicide rate in Foxconn was lower than that of China as a whole.

What's the stuff in the sky by the way? Mist or pollution?

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100% driverless Wonka-wagon toy cars? Oh Google, you're having a laugh

Evil Graham
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Top Gear will be boring and pointless

Oh, wait...

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