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* Posts by Eponymous Bastard

70 posts • joined 28 Feb 2011

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Dashboard Siri! Take me to the airport! NO, NOT the RUNWAY! Argh!

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

Distractions

Do drivers need any more distractions, any more displays, any more things with which to fiddle while they hog lane three at 90mph in pouring rain?

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El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Eponymous Bastard

Re: What about the first universal power supply outlet?

Good shout. I know someone who has one of these on the front of his PC so he could light his "cigarettes" with one of those glow plug jobs which every car used to have.

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I've seen the future of car radio - and DAB isn't in it

Eponymous Bastard

Distraction

More distractions with which the driver can fiddle - great.

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Haswell micro: Intel’s Next Unit of Computing desktop PC

Eponymous Bastard

Re: Strange

Never mind bless you. Make yourself a nice warm drink and head off to bed with a good book. Nighty night!

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Eponymous Bastard
Mushroom

@ 2 x AC - Cold water

Careful, or I'll pour cold water over your tiny erection. Every man needs a small garden shed after all does he not?

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Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

But it will be a Mac . . . .

. . . . so it will be made from Satan's DNA . . . .

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Britain's costliest mistake? Lord Stern defends his climate maths

Eponymous Bastard

Hot air

It's all hot air, and what a lovely mild winter we're having? I hope all those warmist freaks fall on their swords when the next ice age sets in. No they won't, because they are spineless liberal retards who probably eat too many vegetables and create more than their fair share of hahaha "greenhouse" gases via flatulence and whilst driving their fucking hybrid vehicles with their precious little retardlets strapped into the back smearing saliva over their fucking iPads. Yeah, coz it's their prerogative to breed isn't it? Unchecked population growth is the biggest "threat" facing planet earth. Even pseudo-intelligent people acknowledge that. look forward to reacquainting myself with a Lee Enfield 303.

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IT bods: Windows XP, we WON'T leave you. Migrate? Chuh! As if...

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

Re: I believe it

Rubbish! I chose not to "sign in" to my Live account and I can install anything I want on my Windows 8.1 machine. Suggest you get your facts right before you bother writing this crap.

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Amazon to hire over 85,000 temporary elves for Christmas

Eponymous Bastard
Trollface

Sweat

Well if they make 'em sweat they might lose some weight, but I wouldn't want to work there if the elves don't get a fresh shirt every day.

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Google Nexus 7 2013: Fondledroids, THE 7-inch slab has arrived

Eponymous Bastard

@ Craigness Re: Best Tablet in the World?

Funniest thing I've seen on here for ages - thanks Craigness!

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Eponymous Bastard

Re: Taking photographs on a tablet.

Well Sony might have come up with the goods for you with the new QX wireless camera / lens gismo invention.

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'Silent' staff stood by as £100m BBC IT project tanked – DG

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

Not a unique business model

Higher education seems to be employing the same business model as the BBC. It pays huge salaries to people with little or no commercial experience - they've probably not even worked in a shop - to wield an axe over employees who might have decided that to work in education was ethical, like working for charity. Unfortunately both sectors have been ruined by commercialisation. Oh to be self-employed.

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Look out, fanbois! EVIL charger will inject FILTH into your iPHONE

Eponymous Bastard
Happy

Poison apple

Who would adam 'n' eve it?

IWGMC even though it's nearly summer.

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Adobe kills Creative Suite – all future features online only

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

Film anyone?

Or you could avoid using any software at all and shoot film and print your images in a darkroom like everyone used to do only about 10 years ago . . . . Or maybe you prefer to work in a room with 18% grey walls and subdued lighting and hope that your printer can satisfy your needs. Oh BTW, yes, I have done this in colour and black and white and it's really not that hard and it involves standing up and not sitting down which is apparently very bad for homo sapiens. Is digital so appealing then, given the "costs"?

I won't need a coat as, at the moment, it's not raining in Cornwall.

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iPads in education: Not actually evil, but pretty close

Eponymous Bastard

Books or trips anyone

"down to about 250-300 quid each . . . . "

That's quite a few books or nice little trips out to the park or the beach or the ghetto even. I hope nobody in teaching has the balls to turn around and say that education is underfunded in this god-forsaken cold grey country because they need . . . . it'll be censored or the thought police will smash down my front door if I type it. I will get my "outerwear".

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Apple to stop European shipments of Mac Pro on March 1?

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

Mac Pro case

Surely they're made by the same God that should have saved Steve Jobs from his untimely departure and eased his travelator ascendancy to Heaven? Or am I being glib? No, thought not.

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How to destroy a brand-new Samsung laptop: Boot Linux on it

Eponymous Bastard

French cars

Have owned two albeit, BL tinged, British cars, three French cars (but not Renault), and one Japanese car and have driven many of them around the clock. The French cars were agreeably reliable, the Japanese one almost faultless and the British cars . . . . ask Red Robbo as he should be very proud of what he did to the wonderful British car industry and can probably tell you why the cars made in his era were so wonderful too.

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Mobes, web filth 'PORNIFYING' our kids, warns top Labour MP

Eponymous Bastard
Stop

Re: @Obviously! ?

Why does a "child" need a smartphone?

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APPLE reveals complete updated blueprints of SPACESHIP JOBS

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

Re: Never a good sign

Here's hoping!

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Apple's iPad Mini mishap: scratching out the retina screen

Eponymous Bastard

Re: You missed...

I suspect you are only using your genitals to micturate. That "thing" can give pleasure too you know, and no, you won't go blind.

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Apple retail boss Browett bags $1.74m of shares

Eponymous Bastard
Windows

Browett

Hopefully Browett will destroy the Apple empire; he certainly didn't save the limping DSGI or whatever that bunch of arseholes call themselves these days so he's got a cracking track record Gromit!

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LONDON iPHONE 5 MADNESS: 'You must be CRAZY to buy Apple'

Eponymous Bastard
Mushroom

Sheep

The same people, or a similar demographic, are those who consume the shite that is served up as entertainment and broadcast to the world's television receivers these days. It's the sort of shite that is comparable to the entertainment provided by the freak shows of mankind's illustrious past. It WILL all end in tears and Jobs will be vilified; oh yeah, he already is. IWGMC and it will be made of bile proof material so you fanbois need not bother firing your excrement at me because it will slide off . . . . . hehehehehe.

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Google Nexus 7 blighted by brightness blunder

Eponymous Bastard
WTF?

Paperback

Has anyone considered the dimensions of the "average" paperback? The Nexus 7 is almost exactly the height, slightly narrower and substantially less thick than most paperbacks - even Roland Barthes' seminal work Camera Lucida ISBN 0-09-922541-7. Perhaps its diminutive dimensions are part of its appeal. Looking at my own images on the 'net I can't see any problem with colour, contrast or sharpness compared to viewing the same images on a regular monitor; perhaps a little less saturated that's all. Chacun à son goût.

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Pentax K-01 16Mp APS-C hybrid camera review

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

CF39

Why does Jake compare the Pentax to his 'Blad? The screen on the back of the CF is so small that it's almost useless other than to read the settings on it. Unless you tether the thing and shoot into Phocus or Flexcolor you can't see what you're doing or check your focus AF or manual. Yes you can stick your film back on and show your sprogs how effing marvellous Pan F looks but are talking about quite a few $£ to set up a darkroom even if you buy used and in the UK your water will probably cost you as much as your chems by the time you've washed. The words git and smug spring to mind.

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Kodak's using bankruptcy to rob us of our rights – Apple

Eponymous Bastard
Trollface

Kodak's demise

I observe Kodak's demise with a huge amount of sadness. Paradoxically, I look forward to Apple's demise with a huge amount of glee hehehehe.

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Jailed Facebook hack Brit targeted Justin Bieber's girlfriend

Eponymous Bastard

Why is Justin Bieber

and why does anyone care?

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Ten... alternatives to Samsung's Galaxy S III

Eponymous Bastard
Joke

Re: How did the Lumia get in there.

Prius owners have a reputation for breaking wind in a most unpleasant fashion thereby rendering ineffectual their carbon reduction smugness. One day I'll get around to lighting one of their farts in a car park; it WILL make local radio news even if I only singe their clothing with the lance that I carry in my Hummer.

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Bought a new Mac Pro? 1-in-100 chance it'll destroy your data

Eponymous Bastard

Re: Wait for all the Apple-haters

I worked not very hard for an Honours Degree in Classics (in the '80s), but you are a TWAT.

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Eponymous Bastard

Customer service

I have yet to meet ANY Apple consumer who, when their prized possession fails, has enjoyed anything other than a poor response from their local re-seller or those dweebs in Cupertino. Add to that the insult that they have paid an amount of money for components for which Wintel manufacturers would charge roughly half and inevitably they feel pretty disappointed or worse.

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GCHQ's spy death riddle shines light on UK hacker war

Eponymous Bastard

Re: Sex play gone wrong?

I heard the guy, who did these tests, interviewed on the radio. It seems his job involves "exhaustive" tests attempting to replicate any given scenario involving suffocation victims some of whom are children; the guy deserves a medal.

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Google Drive stalls on LAUNCH DAY

Eponymous Bastard
Joke

Tut

Get back into your walled garden you fanboi and don't even think about trying to climb out AGAIN! hehehehehe.

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Mobee Magic Numpad

Eponymous Bastard
FAIL

Numbers

Doesn't the fact that Apple has removed the number pad from its keyboards speak volumes about what it assumes about its target audience? Compare the fact that they ship iMacs with wireless keyboards which requires the end user to buy a cheap and nasty wired replacement, because in public places i.e. educational establishments, anything that is not connected or worthless will become the victim of a recidivist. Cheap keyboard and cheap mouse with over-priced iMac - quite funny really.

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Amount of ice in Bering Sea reaches all-time record

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

Are you a scientist?

So, NomNomNom you must be some kind of scientist, or perhaps you know how to use a search engine. Until the governments of the world agree to fund an INDEPENDENT study of the world's climate then may I suggest that the climate change advocates need to ask themselves a simple question. That is, should we spend billions, of whatever currency you prefer, on trying to prevent or capture carbon emissions, or should we let plants continue to do their job and spend the money on improving life for those with no reliable source of food, water or shelter?

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iPhone fanbois enraged by Instagram's Android triumph

Eponymous Bastard

Re: Instagram - Why??!

Philistine.

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Eponymous Bastard
Facepalm

@Jeebus

"Generally find those obsessed with photography to be general life losers with nothing interesting of their own to talk about . . . "

Bit sweeping that one I think Jeebus.

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Amazon boss finds Apollo 11 engines on seabed

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

Disease called Bill Gates

Well what does that say about Steve Jobs you whingeing fanbois? Hehehehehe.

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British Red Cross First Aid

Eponymous Bastard

Red Cross

They just want your money and they care not how they get it; that's 21st century charity for you. It's commerce with charity as its cover.

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Apple offers cash for old kit

Eponymous Bastard

Confused

Because people who buy into the Apple dream have to do the right thing don't they because they care so much about the planet and global warming - yeah right don't get me started. So of course those stoners in Cupertino thought it would be a great idea if having been butt-f****d once their customers would like to enjoy that feeling again. Isn't it obvious? You pay a hugely inflated price for a computer which will be obsolete in no time at all because the manufacturer decides that the hardware is not worth supporting any more, which for Apple seems to be about 5 years. I have a wintel laptop which is ten years old and gets used several times a week and works a treat. It would run the latest version of iTunes if I were prepared to install that piece of bloatware on it. Try that on a 10 year old iBook or whatever you call it - FAIL. Built in obsolescence has done wonders for landfill. BTW I have to work with Macs and wintel boxes and the Macs are a total fucking pain in the sphincter and students wonder why I scowl when they have problems with the iBook they've been given because they're dyslexic. I'll get my coat now.

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Rumoured 'GarageBand for e-books' to bulldoze textbook biz

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

What? You think dumping thousands of badly written 'textbooks' on kids would be a good thing?

Yes, they might learn to fucking read.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

WHSmith Kobo Vox e-reader

Eponymous Bastard
Mushroom

Underscore

Hey mate you've got a fault with whatever piece of shit hardware you use inside the walled garden; the freakin'_underscore_key_is_stuck_____________________________________

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Belkin LiveAction Camera Grip

Eponymous Bastard
Devil

Sweaty

Fanbois probably have such sweaty little digits they need something "firm" with which to grip their little slabs.

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iPhone users get iJustHadAShag bedpost-notch boast app

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Go Contacts EX

Eponymous Bastard
Coat

'Phone?

Does anyone use their smartphone as a telephone much any more?

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Android, BlackBerry phone owners favour Apple tablet

Eponymous Bastard

Spit roast?

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Motorola Xoom 2 10in Android tablet

Eponymous Bastard

iPad2?

At least you can copy files to the Xoom 2 on ANY PC or piece of shit Mac WITHOUT having to use the effing iCloud or that piece of shit bloatware SHiTunes!

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Eponymous Bastard

USB mass storage

Try that with an iPad!

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Best Buy UK spent £200m on failed megastores

Eponymous Bastard

Pyrrhic victory anyone?

Having worked for the bunch of c*#nts known as DSGi (well that was what they were known as a few years ago & there was little choice at the time) I can only hope that this is a Pyrrhic victory. For those of you who don't know what that is or cannot be bothered to Google it, I hope that they have expended so much effort into defending their pathetic retail offering that they are extirpated completely from every high street, website and out of town wasteland in this country and every other country that they have infiltrated. Trouble is the c*#nts at the top won't go hungry but some very loyal, knowledgeable - yes there are some - employees will struggle.

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Best Buy to shutter all UK megastores

Eponymous Bastard

Fry's

Now if only Fry's would open in the UK. That would be an event and would give all you betrothed somewhere to go and while away the hours on a Saturday morning. Stumbled across the one on the outskirts of Las Vegas a few years back and spent many a happy hour there; and it had a café in the middle of it!

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