* Posts by MrDamage

650 posts • joined 25 Feb 2011

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City of birth? Why password questions are a terrible idea

MrDamage
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Spell it phonetically

Combine phonetic spelling, especially in conjunction with any local accent you may have, and it suddenly makes password guessing a whole lot harder, even if you do have the details plastered all over your farcebook page.

eg: City of Birth: Lifpull vs Liverpool.

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KFC's new secret ingredient is a bluetooth keyboard on your tray

MrDamage
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Elven herbs and spices?

Fitting, considering most of their chicken makes Dwarf Bread seem like a tasty meal.

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Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – a true monster in the making

MrDamage
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>> Cornfed the pig from Duckman

>AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT!!

It sounds like it's having an hallucinogenic effect. Not like a drug which is harmful and wrong, and just say no kids, but spacey nonetheless.

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Ricoh rolls out electrifyingly exciting RUBBER!

MrDamage
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Some Ideas

Incendiary Slingshot;

Power builds up as you stretch the string, eventually arcing across 2 preset contacts to ignite the payload, and release.

Fashion Victim Therapy;

Make into Crocs. Person gets electrocuted whenever they try and leave the house in them.

Chewing Gum;

Who doesn't want to see someone put a piece of this in their mouth and chew away, especially if they have a gobfull of fillings?

BOFH Anti-anti-static mat;

Got a "tech support rep" you dont like the sight or smell of? Plaonk the faulty server onto a table coated by this, and watch the tech proceed to blow out all internal components.

BOFH Bullwhip;

Now you can channel both your inner BOFH, and inner Indiana Jones, with a self charging bullwhip that not only lashes, but delivers the thrilling kiss of the cattleprod at the same time.

Not sure if I need more coffee, beer, or both to come up with more ideas.

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Arianespace: NBN sats will orbit this year – PROMISE*

MrDamage
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Trollface

HLV

Surely they will need a HLV to be able to carry the payload. All those fruit tins and bundles of twine will rack up the weight costs.

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Viagra makes it HARD for malaria, bug-boffins discover

MrDamage
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Joke

And i thought it was news

when they learnt it can also be used to stop you from rolling out of bed whilst you slept.

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Reddit: Gonna SCRUB these TROLLS right outa my hair

MrDamage
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FTFY

"The number one reason Redditors do not recommend the site – even though they use it themselves – is because they want to avoid exposing friends to hate and offensive content, how sad and pathetic their lives actually are."

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Facebook tips India and Pakistan into NUCLEAR WAR of words

MrDamage
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This calls for

Another India v Pakistan Dance off.

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Metadata scope creep sees Border Force ask for access

MrDamage
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You forgot

about the nightmares our spiders have given people around the world.

People think Arachnaphobia was a fictional film, until they get here and see that it's a daily reality for us natives.

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Stolen an Apple watch? Want to pawn it off? Good news!

MrDamage
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Re: I don't think

I take it you haven't heard of the term "slumming it".

Nor do you appear to read/watch the news. Rich people get mugged and robbed quite often. Due to their status, they actually make better targets than the poor. Funny how that goes.

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Telstra offers six explanations for its dud Netflix rating

MrDamage
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Re: What do people expect?

Don't forget the 2 tin cans

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Cheers Ireland! That sorts our Safe Harbour issues out – Dropbox

MrDamage
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Re: Its not clear to me whether...

If it had anything to do with data legislation, then the little clause about dealing with legal issues would point to a european court, instead the T&C's they give for overseas customers still point to all legal issues being dealt with in a Californian court.

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Apple storms to top spot in stagnant Chinese phones market

MrDamage
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Re: Grow up?

Solid?

Using half a litre of glue to hold your product together does not count as solid.

Deliberately setting internal cooling fans in iMacs to low speed so they don't make horrible "whirring" sounds as they speed up when the chipsets overheat, thus causing damage, is not "solid".

Failing to take into account how phones are held by the majority of people around the world is not solid.

The rest of my family, excepting my thick as shit garbo collector cousin, all went for Apple. He went for Android. He is the only one I don't have to support, as he is the one who went for functionality over form, has not infested his computer with the bloated warthog which is iTunes, and actually thinks before he goes along and downloads anything onto his phone.

The rest of them have fallen into the reality distortion field that Apple produces, and are constantly calling for help with their beloved product. They also complained bitterly when I started refusing to perform hardware repairs for them, until I showed them the various tear-down videos of the products, and then they understood my refusal. I am not going to spend hours cleaning glue off their iShiney components just so it can be put back together again with even more glue. They are now waiting for their various contracts to come to an end, so we can do a bulk buy on handsets which meet both their needs, and that of the person who they will call for support.

So yes, I do have experience with the iProducts. None of it good.

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MrDamage
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Re: Grow up?

I'm sorry, did my lack of the "joke alert" icon give you the wrong impression of what that "whooshing" sound overhead meant?

The idiot in your example, is the camera manufacturer, as they are doing it simply to save money, and have noone but themselves to blame when someone else figures out how to reverse the "damage", and bump up the quality of the mid range camera to the high end one. Doubly so when said person releases the details of the fix to all and sundry on the interwebs.

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MrDamage
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Grow up?

People who want to live in a walled garden, put form over functionality, like being told what to think, believe everything that they are told, and don't have the nouse to realise that simply plugging a cable into another flavour phone will show up said phone as a drive for easy transfer of data without a 3rd party software package to do it for them, are, quite frankly, idiots.

Apple realise this, and are taxing them with exhorbitant prices, knowing they are too idiotic to know better. El Reg are simply recognising the brilliance of their business plan.

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ISS 'naut: How we collect our POO and DROP it FLAMING on hapless Earthlings

MrDamage
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Crash helmet?

Given Newton's third law, do they need a crash helmet to avoid injury following a dinner of beef n beans, or do they just hold on tight to the safety rails?

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Microsoft springs for new undersea cables to link US, UK, Asia

MrDamage
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Joke

Given Brisbane is built on a floodplain, you have undersea cables when it rains really hard.

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What to do when the users are watching Nazi dwarf smut at work?

MrDamage
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Eeeee-aaawwww

During my stint on a helldesk, I was given the task of monitoring network drive quotas for various divisions to ensure enough space was allocated on an as-needed basis. One division full of financial hi-flyers was constantly running out of room, and always had to have more and more space allocated to them. A wee bit of investigation with the email team also showed that not only were their network shares being clogged up at an unprecedented rate, but their email quotas were being burnt through at a similar rate.

One night, we stayed back and decided to do some investigating. Turns out that most of the people in this department, both male and female, had a thing for watching our equine friends get overly friendly with the bipedal owners, again, both male and female. Snapshots were taken, logging performed, backups, and then came the purge.

Next morning, the boss of said department was on the phone, ranting about missing tons of vital information. Myself and the email admin owned up to purging it as we did not believe it was in the best interests of the company to be harbouring said data. His complain went to our manager, then the overall IT manager, up to the CTO, and then the MD. We were asked to give an explanation to the full board of execs why we thought it best to purge important business data. So we plugged a laptop with samples of this data into the projector in the board room, and displayed in full detail, what this important data was.

I don't know what was more satisfying, the bonus we received for tracking down the "unwarranted business expense", or watching security drag 19 people out, kicking and screaming while we sat in the pub across the road. Probably the latter, as the GM was there as well putting the drinks on his personal card and enjoying the spectacle with us.

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NSA spying is illegal? Then let's make it law, say Republicans

MrDamage
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911

"It's pretty clear that 9/11 could have been prevented if we had known about some of the communications that were linked to those who committed the terrible atrocity of 9/11,"

You mean intelligence from the French and Germans that pointed out that this was going to happen, but that intelligence was ignored because US spooks couldn't be bothered getting their heads out of the donut box to confirm?

But lets face it, you just wanted an excuse to rename the way you cook your potatos.

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NSA domestic dragnet NOT authorised by Patriot Act, rules US Appeals Court

MrDamage
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Contents of calls

They will know you called a suicide prevention helpline, whilst standing at, or near, a popular spot for suicides, but they will not know what you talked about.

They will know you called an adult chatline for 18 minutes, but will not know what you talked about.

As you say, with the metadata alone, they can paint a very interesting picture.

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SpaceX Dragon crew capsule in 'CHUTE ABORT drama – don't panic, no one died

MrDamage
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Coffee/keyboard

Brown Trousering your spacesuit.

And you thought a fart in an elevator was bad.

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Would you trust your DNA with APPLE? HealthKit lined up as genome data trafficker

MrDamage
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The only DNA of mine

That anyone from Apple will get, will be left in a brown paper bag, left on their doorstep, and set on fire.

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FCC wants to know if carriers can grab some of YOUR WiFi signal

MrDamage
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Legal Implications

Say the ISPs do enable this by default, and don't spell it out very clearly what is happening. Next thing you know, you get a nasty letter from Dallas Buyers Club LLC because someone hopping onto your wifi has decided to perform nefarious deeds which siphon money right out from the grubby pockets of "content creators".

Will the ISP's foot the legal bill, not only for the defence, but also for the research into the correct IP address of the person who performed the deed?

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FOUND: NASA's stray balloon located in the middle of nowhere

MrDamage
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Alien

Aliens!

Nope, sorry, just outback Queenslanders. Carry on.

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Now Smartflash wants $1.6bn for its iTunes patents. Apple: You'll get nothing and like it!

MrDamage
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Utility/Design Patent

The reason why the "rounded corners" argument keeps being brought up by some, is because we are old enough to remember the "look and feel" lawsuit that Apple brought against Microsoft.

Apple tried it on with Microsoft, and failed. They resurrected the spectre of that long dead lawsuit when rounded corners was mentioned (either directly, or indirectly) in their lawsuit against Samsung.

But if you want to talk about nobody copies Samsung phones, you might want to think again about your Fruity firm. Nobody is copying Apple phones either, they're copying Sony and Samsung phones.

Want Proof?

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Apple Watch fanbois suffer PAINFUL RASH after sweaty wristjob action

MrDamage
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Re: Sounds like a perfect recipe for an iSeizure!

No, the iSeizure is what happens amongst the fanbois immediately following the announcement of a new iThing. Quickly followed by an iRapture, then iFondle, iSplooge, and iWipe with an iTissue.

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MrDamage
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Paris Hilton

Re: Rash reporting

On that note, does it detect anyone who downloads and reads the "How to wear a Watch" guide as an intelligence defect of the wearer.

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In a galaxy far, far, far away ... Farthest ever star system discovered

MrDamage
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How many linguine is that?

Quick back of the envelope calculation, based on a light year is about 1 trillion kilometers, the distance to that galaxy is;

64285714285714290 Linguine,

or

976244712007810 Double-decker buses

or

65082914910452.414 Brontosaurus (Brontosauruses, brontosaurii?)

And yes, I was bored. Not much else to do seeing SAP has crashed, again.

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Accused Aussie game hacker flees to Europe ahead of trial

MrDamage
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Trollface

Re: "seven counts of possessing child-exploitation material"

Or 15 under-18 friends on Facebook.

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MrDamage
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Re: Translated...

More like:

"The attacks were said to have caused some $100m in embarrassment."

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Dropbox sets up PO box in Ireland to handle non-US services

MrDamage
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Better serves us? How?

OK, so moving non-US customers to Ireland theoretically gives us greater protection due to the EU data protection laws.

It also "helps" Dropbox's bottom line because of the favourable taxation rates Ireland grants.

But here is the kicker. Why do I still have to deal with US courts should I have any issue with your service?

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Shields up! Shields up! ASTRONAUTS flying to MARS will arrive BRAIN DAMAGED, boffins claim

MrDamage
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Learn a new word

To quote;

"A boffin is British slang for a scientist, engineer, or other person engaged in technical or scientific work. The original World War II conception of war-winning researchers means that the term tends to have more positive connotations than related terms like egghead, nerd, or geek."

On El Reg, boffin is used as a term of respect to those brainy individuals who only get up out of bed when all of the other mad scientists have taken a pill and gone for a lie down due to the complexity of the problem needing to be solved.

Of course, if you don't like it, feel free to get your boffin scientist news elsewhere.

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Apple in rinky-dink ink stink wristjob admission: Watch IS affected by TATTOOS

MrDamage
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Re: To quote R. Reagan, "There you go again."

> Article: "... we're hesitant to brand it a 'flop' ..."

That's because El Reg are patiently waiting for the back-orders to be filled, and more moaning from the heavily tattooed hipsters, before they thoroughly announce it as a flop. Until then, they can just report on it being a piece of useless tat that probably won't service their marketing demographic.

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Strange alien-like life zones found beneath Antarctic glacier

MrDamage
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Any news of alien life on mars

I'll take with a grain of salt.

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Mounties nab Canadian woman, 27, in webcam hack shenanigans bust

MrDamage
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Gimp

Re: Just a joke...

I'm sure the lovely residents of Cell Block H will give her plenty of opportunities to learn what consent actually means.

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What is Apple's idiot tax on Watch these days? 'About $265 or 80%'

MrDamage
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What's the real problem in your life?

I have nothing against anyone who buys an iProduct.

I do have a thing against anyone who is a cultist, whether it be of a product, religion, or political persuasion. These sorts of people do not think rationally, and seeing as they will not engage their own brains, and instead rely on others to tell them what to think, say, and how to dress and act, then the mockery they receive is justified.*

*Unless they always have to wear a helmet and be told to stop licking the windows.

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MrDamage
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Check your brains at the door, you won't need them.

It's amazing how much those who worship at the Sphincter of Jobs get offended by any article which is critical of the iCultists and their favoured, over-priced, mediocre and "we did it second/third/tenth, but we'll spend enough on advertising to make people think we did it first" iShiney.

Today's multiple choice questions is;

Are iCultists

a) On drugs

b) Lobotomised

c) Gullible

d) Just really, really stupid. So stupid they make Mr Gumby seem like a legitimate brain surgeon.

Cue the downvotes. Unlike iCultists, I can take the criticism.

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Brits send Star Wars X-wing fighter to the stratosphere

MrDamage
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Facepalm

They wont get the free tickets

Not enough lens flare. You can still see the actual model.

edit: meant to reply to the post above this one. Oops.

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Airbus to sue NSA, German spies accused of swiping tech secrets

MrDamage
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Re: Easier way

"I can't think of anything that airbus knows how to do that Boeing, for instance, doesn't."

While it's entirely possible that Boeing pinched some of Airbus's secrets, especially to deal with a problem that Boeing was having problems rectifying, it doesn't stop there. Once they have their mole in place, they can then go along and deliberately sabotage plans incrementally in order to delay Airbus's production, so Boeing can get the jump on them in the market, and get the customers to sign exclusivity contracts while Airbus is trying to undo the sabotage that will put lives at risk.

The USAs foreign, economic, and military policies are all inextricably linked, and they treat a threat to one, as a threat to all 3. Given how they are now rolling domestic policy into the fold and treating their own citizens as criminals who have to prove themselves innocent, it's a worrying trend. But when you have the "best" government that money can buy, what do you expect?

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Who thinks Microsoft Edge SUCKS? Erm, Microsoft

MrDamage
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Re: Big company

Little confidence, or finally admitting the truth?

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Macroviruses are BACK and are the future of malware, says Microsoft

MrDamage
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Contained within the Microsoft ecosystem

Which leads to the question I've asked numerous times before.

Why in the name of $deity is the MS ecosystem set up in such a way that a spreadsheet or text document is able to execute virii to the level of infecting the rest of the system?

The way it's going, the only way to truly prevent infection from Office related shitecode is to run it in a completely sandboxed VM.

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SECRET PROTOTYPE iPAD 'stolen from RANDY Apple employee'

MrDamage
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Headmaster

Re: 5 days ?!?!??!

@MyBackDoor;

Try re-reading the actual article.

"The poor bloke answered an advert from Katherine Stump, 20, and later met up with her and a male friend Alexander Nejat, 24, two blocks from his house in Apple's hometown of Cupertino, California, police say.

They drove to his home, and once inside, Stump allegedly pulled a knife on the man. Nejat also pepper-sprayed him in the face, it is claimed."

It was after they got to his house, that the iPad, cash and prescription drugs were stolen. Not before, not from his car/wallet/backpack.

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Apple Watch HATES tattoos: Inky pink sinks rinky-dink sensor

MrDamage
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Stop using -gate

For fucks sake, Watergate was actually a significant moment in history that exposed a deep level of government corruption.

This constant use of "gate" to describe any slight peeve people have because their chosen hipster device doesn't work perfectly after they fell for the advertising shite hook, line and sinker, just goes to show how these twats aren't original, creative, or even intelligent.

/rant

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MONSTROUS iPhone sales are CANNIBALIZING iPads, gabbles Apple CEO

MrDamage
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Re: Cool

@Rik:

"And you've gotta love The Reg's long-standing, horse-blinder-wearing anti-Apple bias:"

You mean how El Reg always treated Apple exactly the same as they treated all other IT mobs, and yet Apple punished them by removing all access to press conferences, press releases, call backs for article clarification and the like?

El Reg started off being openly skeptical about all of the advertising claims made, and for not openly worshipping at the Sphincter of Jobs, Apple decided to "punish" them. Of course, such blatently perverse behaviour by the Cupertino Cultists only lead to what El Reg does best, openly mocking the company, product, patents, and the fanbois who refuse to admit that their beloved iCon can be just as flawed as the cheaper competitors they claim to have superiority over.

But hey, you want to wear the blinkers and remain in the Jobsian Walled Garden, good for you. Just remember that for all of the mocking Apple fanbois make of Microsoft copying Apple products, Apple is now following the Microsoft business model of locking people in. Once you finally manage to wrench the blinkers off your nonce, you might start to smell the hypocrisy. It smells something like what is used to fertilise the walled garden.

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NBN Co loses the “Co” for AU$700,000

MrDamage
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What a crock of shit.

They go along and whinge, bitch and moan about costing estimates, and then they go ahead and do this, along with a rather pointless fucking survey that tells us what we already fucking know?

Those who got given a brown paper envelope for these efforts, deserve to have something else installed into a brown paper bag, left on their doorstep, and immolated.

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US judge lobs antivirus patents back to Hell

MrDamage
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Court Costs

"In a Thursday court filing [PDF], Intellectual Ventures agreed to abandon its legal action against Trend, though the two sides were at odds over how their court costs should be split."

Intellectual Vultures should have to pay Trend's legal fees due to the patent being ruled invalid.

IV can then sue the USPTO for reimbursement rubber stamping the crap patent without actually examining it in the first place.

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Looking for laxatives, miss? Shoppers stalked via smartphone Wi-Fi

MrDamage
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Erm, what?

"and the number of people walking past a storefront without entering."

So let me get this straight. You have to go into a store that you have no intention of visiting, in order to find out they are using privacy snooping tracking system, so you can then spend ages trying to find a way to opt out of it on one of their hidden web pages?

Nuke the twunts from orbit.

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SUPERVOLCANIC MAGMA reservoir BUBBLING under Yellowstone Park

MrDamage
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Re: Time to develop a good exit strategy

"..how about a bunch of virgins waiting for you."

You mean like this?

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LenovOUCH expands bits-blistering bodgy battery boomerang

MrDamage
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Re: Lenoneveragain

> Lithium-ion and Lithium polymer batteries are pretty fucking dangerous, and when they get damaged or otherwise explode, they can spew flames and burning liquid metal everywhere.

And yet the TSA will give us a free colonoscopy over a bottle of water

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Microsoft: Profit DECIMATED because you people aren't buying PCs

MrDamage
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Re: Be patient, it's coming!

> UEFI secureboot = better security

Only if you run NSA approved operating systems. Doesnt like it when you want to dual boot into an OS tat you have complete control over.

> Windows 10 - its great, try out the tech preview

You mean the one that has broken the Start menu? How great is that?

> Windows App store - Easier access to applications

I buy hard copies. I'm not interested in vaporware that can be revoked at any time, for any reason.

> Forced cloud - Umm no, there is nothing forced on the user whatsoever

Except it's enabled by default, and users who arent tech heads wont know where or how to disable it.

> Subscriptions - an option in addition to the traditional perpetual rights, use whatever suits you

Except given Microsoft's history, it weont stay an "option" for long, and will become a requirement.

> nice try but you are clearly talking out your backside

Says the guy who has been reamed so hard and often by MS, he can no longer tell when his own arse is speaking.

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