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* Posts by MrDamage

382 posts • joined 25 Feb 2011

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Astronomers spot hint of first EXOMOON, possibly

MrDamage
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If they looked closely enough

Would they see a few Eagles parked on it's surface, being maintained by people with dodgy hair and flared trousers?

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Ancient Earth asteroid strike that dwarfed dinosaur killer still felt today

MrDamage
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FTFY

The impacting body, which could have been an asteroid or a comet, was between 264285.7143 and 414285.7143 Linguine wide and hit the Earth at 0.6671% of the maximum velocity of a sheep in a vacuum. The impact would have caused a crater around 54235.8173 Double-decker buses across and the resulting tsunamis would have been thousands of Chuck Norris's high.

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Big Content goes after Kim Dotcom

MrDamage
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Re: I find it amusing

Most movies "fail to recoup", not due to piracy, or being bad, but by this wonderful little device called "Hollywood Accounting".

This is the same "Hollywood Accounting" that had Universal studios in court trying to claim that the Lord of the Rings trilogy made next to nothing so they wouldnt have to give Peter Jackson his fair share of the profits.

Besides, if you read the comment to which you replied, it wasnt about Edison stealing, its about how the movie industry moved to get away from Edison so they could steal from him.

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Tesla firms hot bottoms: TITANIUM armor now bolted to Model S e-cars

MrDamage
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Australia's opposition backs warrantless metadata collection

MrDamage
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It's Time

For us to remind the politicians that they work for us, not the other way around. No more shall they pass laws which leave a bad taste in the mouth of honest aussies.

No more shall they sell off our assets because they dont know how else to fund the pay rise they give themselves.

It's time for us to yell "NO!" at the top of our voices, shatter the windows of parliament with the sound of our indignant rage, and deafen those who have the "born to rule" mentality. They think they can get away with it because aussies typically dont give a shit, but the more they take the piss, the more aussies are going to arc up and rebel against the rule.

Fuck the NSA, fuck the GCHQ, and fuck ASIS. Get real jobs you privacy invading perverts.

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NSW government gets into the smartphone case business

MrDamage
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Hassle to find in your wallet?

Try putting it back into the same slot every time, and that hassle disappears.

Or, if you dont give a crap about basic security, just hold your wallet up against the reader (and let it sniff all your other cards at the same time).

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Sick of walking into things while gawping at your iPhone? Apple has a patent app. for that

MrDamage
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Especially

If that failure to work involves an iZombie crossing the road in front of a bus.

iPizza anyone?

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

MrDamage
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Terminator

Exoskeletons

Is how they start. They get us to wear them first, so they can record our body mechanics in action, so when they roll off the first batch of T-100's, there is not awkward, jerky gait to give them away as not human.

Will the terminator who kills the last human please turn off the lights.

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Stop skiving: Computers can SEE THROUGH your FAKE PAIN

MrDamage
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Who needs a computer?

Just treat those precious footballers the same way you treat another multi-million dollar athlete, the humble racehorse.

If one of them go down, writhing in agony, then it's out with the screen and the rifle.

There would be a lot less play acting thats for sure. As a side benefit, we can also ensure the Italian team won't get anywhere in the World Cup until they ditch their handbags and man up.

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IBM: We gave NOTHING to the NSA, stateside or elsewhere

MrDamage
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We gave them nothing,

But we do have an employee called Nigel Stephen Andrews, who has unfettered access to all of our systems and records.

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Flying Toaster screen savers return on GitHub

MrDamage
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Still is easy to acheive

On plasma screens. My flatmate has a horrible habit of falling asleep on the lounge while watching something on Foxtel, and now we have a faint "End of Recorded Program" burnt into the middle of the screen.

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Europe approves common charger standard for mobe-makers

MrDamage
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All part of Apples plan

They can now sue every mobile manufacturer, as the micro-usb plug has rounded corners.

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Elon Musk slams New Jersey governor over Tesla direct sales ban

MrDamage
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Re: Think of the people

So, give us one good reason why Apple is allowed to sell direct, and Tesla aren't? According to your logic, with Apple selling direct to the consumer, a horde of taxes have vanished due to the standard supply chain being broken by Apples direct-to-punter sales tactics.

There is no difference, apart from the fact that Walmart, Best Buy and all the other resellers didn't lobby their purchased official to prevent competition to their bloated and easily capsized business model.

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iOS 7's weak random number generator stuns kernel security – claim

MrDamage
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Inadvertently?

Why do I have my doubts that it was down inadvertently?

I havent donned a tinfoil hat yet, bu the way things are going, it wont be long until Ive got a shiney bonce.

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Bill Gates-backed SOLAR POO RAYGUN COMMODE unveiled

MrDamage
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Active or Extinct?

An active volcano wouldn't require it, as you could "flush" direct into the lava streams.

Extinct would require one, but given the limited available light from the opening, you'd be best serve hiring an evil plumber.

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Not sure if you're STILL running Windows XP? AmIRunningXP.com to the rescue!

MrDamage
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Outdated?

the humble abacus is still far more advanced and versatile than anything that has come ot of redmond.

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Behold, the TITCHY T-REX that prowled the warm Arctic of long ago

MrDamage
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Lets clone it.

I want one as a pet to deal with the neighbours cat that keeps shitting in my garden.

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SATANIC 'HELL DIAMOND' tells of sunless subterranean sea

MrDamage
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Crawlers?

They're called Graboids.

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Academic blames US for tech titans' tax dodge

MrDamage
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Then it's time

For every country to change their own internal tax laws to put an end to this sort of rort.Or, at the very least, add in so many extra tariffs for not having a truly local organisational representative that the companies in question will have to decide between either setting up shop and paying what they owe, or ceasing to do business in that country altogether.

I betcha if Apple decided it wasnt worth doing business in one country, Samsung would all of a sudden be in talks with the local govt about setting up a new fab plant.

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Boffins build bendy screen using LEDs just THREE atoms thick

MrDamage
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Bugger e-ink

I'll go with the LED's, and have a rotating picture of a spiral galaxy as my wallpaper/ceilingpaper.

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Zaphod Beeblebrox style third arm cyborg prosthesis unveiled

MrDamage
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Bugger that!

Finally, I can pick my nose, scratch my arse and balls at the same time.

Sheer bliss like you've never known before.

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

MrDamage
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Planned Obsolescence

is built into every apple product, but now it seems they are applying it to their users as well.

Wonder if they have the patent on "a method or system for completely frustrating the loved ones of a deceased person"?

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Very fabric of space-time RIPPED apart in latest Hubble pic

MrDamage
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Alien

New wallpaper

Just downloading a copy of the "huge" file fomr the Hubble website. Then gonna take it to a wallpaper shop, and see if they can make some custom wallpaper for my study/workshop.

Might make up my own little "You are here" pointer so visitors can feel truly insignificant.

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Your 'funny' cat pics are weighing down the web, so here's a better JPEG encoder from Mozilla

MrDamage
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Re: Why not...

Because the fat arsed basement dwellers who find lolkatz amusing dont want to look at anything thinner than themselves.

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Google, eBay to Australian gov: 'protect us from our users'

MrDamage
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The Irony

Is Google is asking the govt to protect them for their users, when the govt should be doing more to protect its voters from Google.

Besides, if they wanna shuffle their money out of our country before paying the legitimate amount of tax on it, they can fuck off and stop doing business in this country.

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RSA booked TV's Stephen Colbert to give the final speech. This is what happened next

MrDamage
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A good bard would never have been so transparent.

While this is true, but why did he have to so thinly veil, or remove the veil, from his barbs in the first place?

Think on it. If nobody at the NSA could think to themselves"hey, what we're doing is a bit dodgy", then they obviously lack the brain power to understand the obfuscated humour and logic of a good bard.

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Oz feds kick the metadata retention can, again

MrDamage
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I call bollocks on this shite.

What is the difference between them harvesting this information, and running every single piece of snail mail through a double sided scanner to capture sender and receiver "metadata", as well as size and weight specifications?

Nothing.

Now imagine the hue and cry that would arise should they announce plans to do that. Imagine the hordes of people calling bullshit on the "we need to track terrorists/kiddy fiddlers/my ex wife" excuses they are currently throwing around as the reasoning for capturing digital data,

Fuck these cunts right in their privacy invading earholes.

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UK spies on MILLIONS of Yahoo! webcams, ogles sex vids - report

MrDamage
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I hope they enjoyed my performance

My girlfriend googled my yahoo until I binged all over her facebook.

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Apple's Windows XP moment: OS X Snow Leopard left to DIE

MrDamage
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FTFY

"Let’s face it, Apple doesn’t go out of their way to ensure users are self-aware."

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Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

MrDamage
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What were the fanbois expecting?

An iFleshlight for them to show Steve exactly how much they loved him?

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US Senator lobbies feds to BAN BITCOIN

MrDamage
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Re: West Virginia?

Who said he can?

After all, the US are the world leaders in ultra absorbent adult diapers. Now, if we could only convince them to wear them as headgear to stop all of the shit that dribbles out of their gobs.

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Woman claims she was assaulted in Google Glass 'HATE CRIME'

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Chihuahua TERROR: Packs of TINY hounds menace Arizona

MrDamage
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WTF?

How

Can you be scared of a dog who is destined to end its life in a brief, crunchy squeak beneath the heel of a sturdy boot?

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From 0 to ERUPTION in 60 days: You thought that volcano was COLD?

MrDamage
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Holmes

The difference between

An evil genius, and a mad scientist, is that the evil genius knows to set up his lair in an extinct volcano, and not an active one.

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Anons escape human sewer after billionaire bog roll blag

MrDamage
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What's the point of a DDoS on a website?

Whats the point of a boxer training against a bag that doesnt hit back?

Whats the point of learning to meditate to find inner peace in a silent, peaceful environment, instead of a bustling, crowded room where you are more likely to need it?

To hone your skills, and possibly observe something which may have gone undetected otherwise.

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US Senate bill would mandate 'kill switch' on all smartphones

MrDamage
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terminally brain-dead

Given that there are 3rd party apps which you can install to perform this function, the legislators are just as brain dead as those in the UK (and now trying their luck here in OZ) who demand to filter the internet.

They want to legislate against everything, except the biggest threat in the world, end-user stupidty.

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'No representation without taxation!' urges venerable tech VC

MrDamage
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Trollface

I'll be sure to tell him that the siren that sounds at the beaches are just a signal for the locals to get out of the water so the tourists and newcomers can have a swim in our pristine waters.

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Fiendish Internet Explorer 10 zero-day targets US soldiers

MrDamage
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Once more time for the dummies.

Flash = Bad

IE = Bad

Flash + IE = URPWNED

Note: Whilst I admit neither Chrome nor Firefox are without fault, at least you can mitigate the potential damage by using more secure versions of them, like Dragon, and IceDragon from Comodo.

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Japanese fanboi first in queue for, er, iPhone 6

MrDamage
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Re: Yeah but.....

No, but the iUsers are all fappy over their iShiney.

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MrDamage
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Facepalm

Obviously

Your reading comprehension, and geography skills, are sorely lacking, if you can somehow confuse Japanese for Chinese.

Idiot.

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Random car shutdowns force Toyota to recall Prius hybrids - AGAIN

MrDamage
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Joke

Re: Toyota Update?

They would. All they would have to do is put a lowercase "i" before the name, and the hordes of braindead fools would rush out and buy it, flaws and all.

Of course, then the manufacturers can always blame the faults on "you're driving it wrong".

<- Almost couldnt decide between trollface and joke alert.

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MrDamage
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Re: Sad Prius Driver

You think VW and Mercedes have dodgy electrics, wait until you try a Ferrari.

I've hired a few over the years, and each one has been shite. Makes Alfa's look reliable.

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MrDamage
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Seatbelts are good, but not a panacea.

Then why is it that countries which legislate compulsory seatbelt use have less vehicle fatalities per capita, than the countries who decry them as a socialist plot that infringes upon their personal freedom?

Seatbelts always worked, well before the age of the airbag. Airbags are just a backup safety system to be used in conjunction with seatbelts.

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US Appeal Court slaps Apple for trying to shake antitrust monitor

MrDamage
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Re: Oh boo

Says the butthurt shill hiding behind anonymity.

Face it Timmy, your company screwed up when it decided to screw over the customer. Now, you're reaping the benefit of those actions, and I'll give you some advice for free.

Stopping you from breaking the law is NOT doing your company "irreparable harm".

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NYPD dons Google tech specs: Part man. Part machine. All Glasshole

MrDamage
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Re: "disrupt the evidence recording tech"

Given the cost of HP cartridges, only the military would be able to afford htis kind of tech.

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MrDamage
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Windows Cliipy + Google advertising.

It appears you are in a high speed chase. Would you like me to;

Call for backup with GPS coordinates?

Give you directions to the nearest Dunkin' Donuts Drive-Thru?

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California takes a shot at mobile 'killswitch' mandate

MrDamage
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The software already exists

To do this job. Maybe they should pass legislation to "brick" the users who don't bother installing the software to protect themselves.

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Apple's Hacker Princess dumps fruity firm for Elon Musk's Tesla

MrDamage
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Joke

Re: Interesting, but

I should think it's relevant. After all, it's the ultimate form of hardware hacking.

I'll get my coat....

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Nokia to launch low-cost Android phone this month – report

MrDamage
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Too late

Nokia could have remained the world leader in mobile phones by adopting android early on, instead they went with Microsofton, both as an OS, and then as an owner.

Now, they're too busy playing catchup whilst having their hands tied behind them by the Redmond Borg Cube, and I for one wouldn't touch their product with a ten foot pole.

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Why do women pick IT as a career ?

MrDamage
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Joke

Women for some reason just don't like computers

Its because they are too similar to computers. Lets look at some facts.

No-one but their creator understands their internal logic.

"Bad command or file name" makes as much sense as "If you don't know why I'm angry at you, I'm certainly not going to tell you!"

All of your mistakes are immediately noted down for future reference.

They don't respond well if you accidentally spill a beer over them.

I'll get my coat...

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