* Posts by John Bailey

625 posts • joined 7 Jun 2007

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Apple Watch users get PAINFUL RASH after sweaty wristjob action

John Bailey
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Re: Huh?

"If the technology apes the Timex Datalink, then why were they granted a patent? Or am I missing something?"

Yep..

It's either out of patent, or Timex never bothered patenting it. Cos lots of people have used it.

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SECRET PROTOTYPE iPAD 'stolen from RANDY Apple employee'

John Bailey
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Re: 5 days ?!?!??!

"Only called the cops 5 days later? Me thinks the victim must have also been robbed of something else he didn't want the cops (& Apple) to know about."

Nah.. He was using the GPS on his iPhone, and it took him 5 days to get back to civilisation. After being dumped a mile from his home.

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Apple Watch WRISTJOB SHORTAGE: It's down to BAD VIBES

John Bailey
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Re: So to summarise

"I do love the "you're holding it wrong" jokes which inevitably appear in the comments on every single one of these articles. They're so hilariously original and up-to-date."

Yeah.. Good aren’t they. But.. If you miss a meme, you've blown it.

Not as amusing of course, as the aspiring to be sarcastic, condescending, whiny remarks about how old the joke is that they were engineered to elicit from uptight fanboys.

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Stuff your RFID card, just let me through the damn door!

John Bailey
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Re: One card per wallet

"If the exterior of each Faraday cage card wallet were to be given a unique shape, we could use the individual wallet instead of the card if the lock were able to recognise the correct shape. I think the ancient Romans had something like that, called a key. They actually work rather well."

Or.. you could use a little RFID tag to identify each wallet.

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Apple Watch RIPPED APART, its GUTS EXPOSED to hungry Vultures

John Bailey
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Re: Rolex

Neither do Casio.

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Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

John Bailey
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Re: Really?

"How is this any different from my Macbook asking me if I wanted to upgrade to Yosemite? I don't recall any "tut-tut" article from El Reg for that, so why now?"

1) Mac users are already so far into the brown core of Apple, that any suggestion that every update is not met with street parties and coffee shops full of glee is pretty much met with whines of indignation..

2) Too small a user base to bother reporting on.

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Bonking with Apple is no fun 'cos it's too hard to pay, say punters

John Bailey
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Re: Representative sample?

"But Aldi and Lidl??? They don't seem like the kind of stores favoured by the stereotypical iPhone flasher. Thought you lot were all M&S and Waitrose."

Not stereotypical perhaps, but typical.. Sure.

There is a big gulf between how one sees one's self, and how one actually is.

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QMhOIySiyE

Remember, after paying for the cHav phone and the extra special contract, Aldi and Lidl are all they can afford.

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Streak life: Oz woman flashes boobs at Google Street View car

John Bailey
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Re: Anyone else see the problem with this picture?

Yep.. If that patch of grass is not removed, it could cause the concrete edging of the pavement to move out of place.

Other than that, nothing really jumps out as a problem.

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Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

John Bailey
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Re: A very clever piece of social engineering by these corporations

"If you want to piss all over the democratic process, take direct control of legislative and governmental processes, and turn your democracy into theocracy:"

1. Listen to idiots on forums and in the media, who know nothing, but proclaim their opinion loudly enough to seem like a majority.

2. Be stupid.

3. Let someone else do your thinking for you.

Little historical fact.

The Islamic world was generations ahead of the western world in science, medicine, art, culture, and engineering.

Then they got religion.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

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Apple is like HITLER says Chinese billionaire

John Bailey
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"And China doesn't exercise that kind of control over it's own populace? <rolls eyes> Ok.. sure..."

And Apple is a country? <rolls eyes> Ok.. sure...

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Apple boots Windows 7 out of Boot Camp

John Bailey
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Re: I'm not worried

<quote>I can't afford an Apple box.</quote>

Have you tried asking the people in the supermarket produce section very nicely? They are usually happy to give away the empty ones for free.

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Lighty and flighty: Six sizzling portable projectors

John Bailey
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Re: Noise

"Well that all sounds (sic) rather scientific. Except you forgot to mention from how far away these measurements were made. 'As loud as a jet engine' is often used by 'the media' but it's not that loud if the jet is 50,000 feet away."

I would imagine, approximately one string length away.

How far away do you think they would be measured from? Normal use distance!

It would be kind of pointless to measure the fan noise form the other end of a runway would it not?

So assume indoors in the same room with soft furnishings present.

And the decibels were probably measured by an app on someone's phone, not a professional grade recently calibrated meter in an anechoic chamber.

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Man hauled before beak for using drone to film Premiership matches

John Bailey
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"Ah yet another idiot who perjurers themself by posting on social media."

Or incriminated even..

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Hackers' delight? New Apple wrist-puter gives securobods the FEAR

John Bailey
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"There is a case for those who want to receive notifications from their phone, but felt that wearing google glass showed you were obviously a twat."

Whereas this makes it less obvious?

But considering Ebay is full of smart watches from China that will do that on pretty much any phone for under £30.. The price premium better allow something waaaay better than just notifications and a glorified fitbit.

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John Bailey
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Re: Productivity

Well.. When the office fanboy is trying to show everybody his new shiny, they can all make the excuse they are up to their neck, and can't possibly stop to chat.

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Oi. APPLE fanboi! You with the $10k and pocket on fire! Fancy a WATCH?

John Bailey
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Re: Resale Value - not a lot

"Pretty obvious that you didn't keep your original Apple-II for its resale value nowadays."

Pretty obvious you don't understand the difference between price and value.

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‪Obama criticises China's mandatory backdoor tech import rules

John Bailey
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Re: ha

"Do the backdoors in iPhones have rounded corners ?"

Not sure.. they do slide to unlock though.

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Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

John Bailey
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Frontier promises..

What could possibly go wrong?

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Amazon tries to patent 3D printers on trucks

John Bailey
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Re: Good things come to those who wait...

"It's a pretty interesting idea actually. 3D printing as a service, essentially - means you can get access to a far more capable printer than you could (sensibly) afford."

Yes.

If only someone would offer the service.. Perhaps an online service, where one sends a model, or picks one submitted by someone else, and they print it along with many others to make it more economical, in a variety of materials..

They could call the company Shapeways..

Oh look.. Somebody did already.

BLOODY YEARS AGO.

http://www.shapeways.com/

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US trade bods: No, your iPhone can't detect CANCER

John Bailey
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But.. But.. But..

Isn't this kind of thing a curated app store is supposed to stop happening?

Do Apple not individually thoroughly check every app for wholesomeness and high moral fibre?

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El Reg chefs whip up Post-Pub Noshographic

John Bailey
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Re: One answer...

Ahh... I see the problem here.

You're looking at the one on the left aren't you.

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How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

John Bailey
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Re: iWon't

"Yeah, I'm kind of interested how the 18ct gold version will fair, when the owners go to hand that down to their heirs in 30 or 40 years..."

Umm.. I think you mean months.

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Big Brother in SPAACE: Mars One picks first 100 morons to suffocate, er, settle on Red Planet

John Bailey
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"However I do hope vacuous will not be the trait most sought after by voters with at least some boffins and useful folk making the cut."

Of course not..

Bubbly , hunky, slutty, and a willingness to get em out on camera are also highly sought after traits.

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Chinese food safety officials drank so much during working lunch that one of them DIED

John Bailey
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Re: And when you are drinking distilled rice alcohol, the results could be deadly.

"Somebody care to explain the down votes???"

Sinophobia.

"Ideally one of the guilty??"

Not very likely,.

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Windows 10 to give passwords the finger and dangle dongles

John Bailey
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"I have one question about this."

Only one?

"Where is the authenticated image of you fingerprint stored?"

Where ever the system stores it. Probably on the server of the website, account you are trying to get into. Linked to your customer records in plain text.

"Some "secure" database that will never, ever be hacked?"

Yep. And it's powered with Davinci's perpetual motion machine.. And the UPS is a potato with two strips of metal stuck in it.

"What happens if (when) your unique fingerprint is stolen."

Use another one. You usually have ten to start out with.

"How do you then verify your identity?"

Who says you can. You become the nameless one, and wander from town to town fighting crime, dispatching the bad guys with a Samurai sword disguised as a walking stick.

"It's a bit hard to change your fingerprints."

Oh that isn't the half of it.

Pick pineapples. No fingerprints.

Work on a building site. No finger prints.

Lose hands in an accident. No fingerprints.

Burn fingers. No finger prints.

Millions of people have no, faint, obscured or unreadable fingerprints. And that is without even trying to mask their identity.

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Ex-NASA boffin dreams of PREDATOR-ish tech in humble microwaves

John Bailey
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Re: Great Idea but.....

"My parents first microwave had the sensor. I don't know why they went out of fashion, it'd make a micro so much better at cooking/reheating food."

Because after a while, people stop worrying, and estimate the time and power.

If you want, get a kitchen thermometer. I had one. Didn't bother replacing it when it broke.

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KUSHINIKIZA! Google Translate SAVES BABY in Irish roadside birth

John Bailey
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"I can't help thinking that she would still have given birth without the smartphone. Even without the paramedics to help her. Women have been doing it for a least a million years."

Indeed they have. And at one time, I believe it was even the most common cause of death in women.

They don't always just pop out with no fuss.

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Watch: China has made an internet censorship THEME SONG

John Bailey
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Re: That reminds me..

"Wouldn't a tune about their police using battery cables against various parts of dissidents bodies be more Chinesy."

Yeah,, but America called dibs.

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Microsoft eyes slice of Raspberry Pi with free Windows 10 sprinkled on top

John Bailey
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Re: Been nice knowing the RasPi

"Embrace has begun, we all know what stages come next."

Yep.

Exaggerate.. the importance of the product.

Extinguish.. the project when they finally face the fact that the latest big thing, ain't really that big.

10 years ago.. perhaps. When MS was able to command the internet, before it got it's teeth pulled. Microsoft was an entity to be feared.

Now days.. Not so much.

Just about every household name in consumer electronics contributes actively and openly to Linux. Because they benefit.

They stayed away in droves from surface. They offered alternatives to Vista, which is where the rot finally surfaced.. And 8 ha seen many old players bow out of the PC market.

The primary portable os is not Windows based.

Tablets owe little to project Origami.

Even government departments are moving away from MS lockin file formats, despite them buying the ISO certification.

The EEE strategy of yesterday is long long gone.

But never mind sweetie.. I'm sure this will be the year of Windows 8 on the desktop..

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The Interview? Kim Jong-Un, you really shouldn’t have bothered

John Bailey
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Re: It's got Seth Rogen in it

"Hmm... Seth Rogen, Adam Sandler, and Will Ferrell... Put them together and it's movie magic."

Ohh.. Does it turn into a pumpkin then?

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Google mouthpieces: 'Right to be Forgotten' should NOT apply on google.com

John Bailey
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"Why can't we find a reason to deport him?"

Because then we would have nowhere to film Doctor Who.

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

John Bailey
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Re: Hardly surprising

"Ok. For the last fucking time. MARKET SHARE MEANS DICK YOU FUCKING MORONS."

So..

Apple users = small dicks.

Android users = big dicks.

Crackberry users = castrati.

Yes?

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Fanbois to gamebois: Apple paperwork reveals iOS FUNPAD

John Bailey
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Re: Looks like a POP Station.

Ohh.. that would be too delicious.. Pound shop tat having prior art on the fruitarian new gizmo that nobody wanted until now.

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'If you see a stylus, they BLEW it' – Steve Jobs. REMEMBER, Apple?

John Bailey
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Re: Optical stylus

"So they mean rework an optical mouse into the shape of a pen. Got it."

So did Genius it seems..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2pfkJQ1vgU

And many others are no doubt also copying Apple.

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John Bailey
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Re: Color me surprised

"David Hockney has managed to do some good pictures on the iPad. It's all about the user not the technology."

Yes sweetie..

The operative word being MANAGED..

No doubt he could do something absolutely stunning with some charcoal and a light coloured rock..

Its all about the user after all, not the technology.

Right?

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'It's NOT FAIR!' yell RICH KIDS ... and that's a GOOD THING

John Bailey
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Re: Great article but ...

"you mean cows come from eggs?

Who else knew this?"

Pretty much everybody familiar with the process of reproduction..

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Mock choc shock: 3D candy printer is good news for sweet-toothed swingbellies

John Bailey
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Re: "A pint of goat urine would be more pleasant to consume"

"I have to ask how you might know this?"

Most of us have tried American Beer.

For the fresh goat urine mouth feel, allow it to reach body temprature.

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Canadian watchdog goes to court to probe Apple's iPhone deals with mobe networks

John Bailey
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Re: I'll bite

"Why now rather than when the deals were made?"

Probably because companies do not have to register the terms of all deals with a central authority in advance, and such deals are not made public.

So how would they have known if anything was wrong when the deals were made?

These things usually happen in answer to a complaint by an interested party.

Could be a different manufacturer annoyed by the special deals Apple are getting.

Could be a phone company annoyed that the competition is getting a special deal with Apple.

Could be that a phone company is trying to renegotiate their special deal with Apple.

Could be a phone company trying to get out of their special deal with Apple.

An impartial organisation is looking at a deal made between two companies, and despite the cries of victimisation and free market interference that will no doubt be howled by the faithful.. If the contracts are legit, and follow the already made and freely available rules.. No problem.

If they are iContracts.. Problem.

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Keep your court orders to YOURSELF – human rights chief slaps US

John Bailey
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Re: Gottalottaballs here...

"Then what exactly have the EUC and various European courts been doing demanding that Google (a US based company) do this or that to "forget" a particular search that a person or company would like removed from Google's search index as a result of an order from a European Court?"

The opposite of what is being discussed.

""Muižnieks said there “should be limits on the extraterritorial exercise of national jurisdiction in relation to transnational cybercrimes”. In other words, the US shouldn’t be able to access your private data in Europe just because it wants to.""

Correct.

And Saudi Arabia should not be allowed to access what ever it wants in Columbia, and China should not be allowed to access what ever it wants in Russia.

But specifically..

Courts should not be allowed to break through jurisdiction limits by ordering companies registered within their jurisdiction to hand over information on their servers in entirely different jurisdictions. Asking a company to break local laws is a bit of a nono.

"To paraphrase "In other words, the EUC (or any other entity) shouldn’t be able to access your private data in (wherever) just because it wants to."

Correct.

"Could you people please make up your minds and figure out what you want?"

We have.

Your inability to understand it however is out of our jurisdiction.

Might I suggest acquiring some Sesame Street episodes. I believe they had a song about telling things apart that you might find instructive. They use puppets and bright colours, so I'm sure the idea will eventually sink in.

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Microsoft remote code exec killjoys to dump seven fixes next week

John Bailey
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Re: Surprise!

"Because it gets headlines, and clickbait and makes people like you, that believe in sky fairies also believe that it only Microsoft products that have exploits."

And of course.. it usually only works on Windows.

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Amazon DROPS next day delivery amid Cyber Monday MADNESS

John Bailey
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Re: Almost all of this is buying presents no?

"So who gives a rat's arse if it doesn't arrive next day, as long as it's in the next few days?"

Nobody.

But it doesn't sound nearly as apocalyptic if you say it like that.

Realistically.. Anybody who waits until December to get stuff delivered for Christmas is asking for trouble.

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E-cigarettes fingered as source of NASTY VIRUS

John Bailey
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Re: Shouldn't there be

No.. Usually just a tube

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LARGE, ROUND and FEELS SO GOOD in your hand: Yes! It's a Nexus 6

John Bailey
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Re: Launched way too early

"protip: put your phone in your pocket before this happens"

You mean.. not look at it for more than a second..

Nah.. never work.

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£2k burning a hole in your pocket? Let this 'advanced' DRONE relieve you

John Bailey
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Re: Legislation may not be required

But education certainly will be, a £6 or even £20 screwdriver is bound to attract nefarious users of all kinds. There are a whole raft of laws out there you can break with a screwdriver, just not a specific one that says screwdriver. Perhaps the reg should ask their chums at Outlaw to comment, but at a guess personal screwdrivers are covered by concealed weapon legislation, privacy legislation, public nuisance and a lot of other stuff, so no peeking in bedroom windows for a start. I'd also wonder what happens if you hit someone with one, or fly it into a car. Commercial uses must be a bit of a nightmare on that front.

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Would you recognise the Vans shoes logo? Neither would Euro trademark bods

John Bailey
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"If Vans can't have their version of the word Vans with a line then surely Coca-Cola can't have their comic sans logo? There are plenty of other similar word based logos that would also fail."

It appears they can.. Stylised text, how ever dull, is fine.

They can not however, have a contrasting line going from heel to toe, roughly following the contour of the top of the shoe, as it looks too much like a little bit of cosmetic greebling, and not in fact.. A logo.

In other words.. A rare showing of common sense.

It isn't the company name that is at issue here.. Or the use of the company name with a line.. It is in fact, a stripe on a shoe.

A logo so minimal even Jonny Ive would have missed it if it had been put on a Braun product.

Giving them the exclusive rights to this would be similar to granting a single car company sole use of go faster stripes.

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Japan tells operators: Put a SIM lock in a new mobe? You'd better UNLOCK it for FREE

John Bailey
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Re: Easy workaround

"Japanese carriers only need to "customize" the phone like US carriers so that they can not work with other phone providers. Surely Soft Bank can pick up this trick from Sprint."

At which point, Japanese consumer law kicks in and tells them to un"customise" it.. And probably slaps them with a hefty fine.

12 year olds arguing to stay up a few more minutes on a school night sneer derisively at your strategy.

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Mozilla: Spidermonkey ATE Apple's JavaScriptCore, THRASHED Google V8

John Bailey
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"Does this mean your PC wll be pawnd quicker?"

Only if I really need the money.

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Apple's OS X Yosemite slurps UNSAVED docs into iCloud

John Bailey
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Re: @AC "and others are critical of Apple's changes."

"How does holding up another privacy invading business model justify another?

I can't say that I approve of your logic but each to their own."

But it's iLogic.

If something is good. Nobody does it as well as Apple.

OMG.. Apple's new iPhones are sooo thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinn!!! squee..

If something is bad, everybody does the same.

But any phone will bend if you put enough force on it..

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The DRUGSTORES DON'T WORK, CVS makes IT WORSE ... for Apple Pay

John Bailey
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Re: The store check-out experience

"Don't be silly. Americans don't have Chip & PIN."

And it seems.. no pay by bendy bonk either.

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John Bailey
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Re: The store check-out experience

Clerk: Sir, that will be $845.34

Customer: general small talk as they remove their card from their wallet, place it in the reader, and enter their pin.

Clerk: Thank you very much sir.. Have a nice day.

Pouting iPhone user: Puts things back on shelves, and goes to see if the Apple store will do cashback.

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