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* Posts by The Alpha Klutz

651 posts • joined 17 Feb 2011

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iPhone 5 Lightning cables sticking in USB ports

The Alpha Klutz

Re: the white plastic surrounding the USB end slides right of revealing the medal connectors

im guessing the 30 pin connector on the other end is....

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The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

the white plastic surrounding the USB end slides right of revealing the medal connectors

shit, I wish I had medal connectors.

Anyway, It's nice to see the business practice of ripping your customers off with poorly made proprietary connectors is still thriving.

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Hitachi claims glass data storage will last millions of years

The Alpha Klutz

millions of years data storage

of course will be used for porn.

if humans evolve enough, will it be illegal to watch porn of humans from millions of years ago? what if man evolves an extra penis or something? then all porn of men with one penis will be extreme porn and jacqui smith will have to make it illegal. thats what i thought anyway.

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Facebook shares drop 10%, trip NASDAQ 'circuit breaker'

This post has been deleted by a moderator

The Alpha Klutz

Re: is it just me?

if you add an "s" you get scumbag and sociopath. I fucking love Google.

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The Alpha Klutz

is it just me?

I typed "Zuckerberg is a " into google and my suggestions are; douche, thief, rockefeller, jerk

hmmm they all fit so well

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The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

NASDAQ is like a 50 foot tall dick

with thousands of guys standing at the base, pumping it.

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iPhone queue ‘superficial and pretentious’ says queuing fangirl

The Alpha Klutz
Happy

give me a high five homeboy

we're so cool

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Made for each other: liquid nitrogen and 1,500 ping-pong balls

The Alpha Klutz

i would do this in a crowded area

then when everyone suddenly stops walking because of the sudden ping pong balls slapping them in the face, i will take the opportunity to become extremely aggressive and hit people with a bog brush; which is painful and humiliating.

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LONDON iPHONE 5 MADNESS: 'You must be CRAZY to buy Apple'

The Alpha Klutz

Re: What is the point in life if it isn't to be happy while you're here?

the point is to shut your stupid face and pay your taxes

regards

David Cameron

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Fanboys order 2m iPhone 5s in 24 hours

The Alpha Klutz
Big Brother

as we watch enslavement coming into view

Let's try not to let the sun set on Utopia.

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HTML5 isn't Facebook's 'biggest mistake'

The Alpha Klutz

A Utopia Wept

Social acceptance puts massive constraints on personal freedom. In the perfect consumerist society, everyone has a Facebook account, 200 friends, and they all share ideas on what to buy. By the time you widen your social circle as far as 200 people, all chance of individual freedom is lost. To be acceptable to all these people now you must have a very narrow set of safe behaviors and stick to them religiously. This kind of society leads to grim totalitarian thinking, and in the field of totalitarians, shit rises inexorably to the top.

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Facebook wunderkind admits share price Zuck-up on stage

The Alpha Klutz
Boffin

Re: Facebook is not the social networking platform of the future

yeah so you would think a "genius" like Zuckerburg would think to put one in, its not like it would cost him much of his billions, but he's too fucking stupid.

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The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

Re: Facebook is not the social networking platform of the future

I agree.

ultimately 2 facts will lead to the downfall of Facebook and the success of the network I have started building:

1. To be truly social requires the ability not just to communicate with friends but to make them initially, so that you can communicate with them.

2. Facebook allows no way for this to happen.

3. When my network cracks that nut, Facebook and Google will suffer massive attrition as friends are made and ultimately transferred over to my system: because for the first time people have a compelling reason not just to add sociopaths they don't talk to anymore, but also NEW people too that they might actually like to talk to.

4. Making friends has the side effect of making people more happy and more willing to spend.

5. Friendships stagnate, let's face it, people kinda suck don't they. Again, this causes attrition to Facebook, but they have implemented no easy way for the user to make replacement friends. So they just have to be alone. Not very fun.

Kinda simple when you lay it out like that.

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Microsoft preparing for diskless Windows 8 PCs

The Alpha Klutz

"Special hardware” will therefore be needed

Not sure I understand why exactly.

Is Microsoft going to make custom USB sticks with 4 partitions built in? Why do they run dangerously hot?

Sounds dodgy

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Health minister warns ISPs: Block suicide websites or face regulation

The Alpha Klutz

Re: I'd suggest that you are part of that problem,

while i am one of the most prominent figures in the IT world that women look to when considering a career in the field, I must say that generally i am correct even if it offends some of them.

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The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

LOL

i can think of loads of ways to kill myself. its quite easy really. Don't need the internet for inspiration.

I guess it's mostly women looking at suicide sites, because when men attempt suicide, it usually works.

I can't believe it's 2012, we had the founder of the web in the opening ceremony of the "best ever" Olympics, and every puppet in this government is coming out with internet censorship bills from a different fucking direction.

What's the big deal with suicide, I would never do that shit, because even though life is grim for me, we are going into an age of global austerity where my life is actually of the freest and highest quality and we will all get poorer and less free from here on out.

21 trillion dollars have been stolen from us, you think that'll make a few people wanna kill themselves. That number again: $21trillion. Just Google 21 trillion dollars stolen. You think the people who stole it will still let you Google that after they get the internet tracking tech installed in our (up until now free) telcos?

Ha!

I shed light into the darkness, but the darkness did not understand.

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Nokia apologizes for faking Lumia 920 ad

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

your phone will never be able to produce those images because

1. They used a camera crew that includes a big sweaty guy with big manly hands full of big camera. the laws of physics generally considers this the correct way to make films, so it came out better than if they had used any kind of phone camera.

2. I've never seen a woman that happy an carefree before, so I call foul on that one too.

3. Captain Lumia is a fictional character, so when the 3D version of the advert comes out I've instructed the animators to model his head on a tennis ball, make the fibers longer, and brown, not green. add eyes and a nose, we can rebuild him. make sure the fluff on that tennis ball is scaled up 10x. and we want it brown like original ubuntu. Then we can load him and Miss Lumia make into the Matrix and see what what happens when he tries to eat her out.

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AVG kicks out new touchy-feely UI to grab smartphone-fondlers

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

face is now going into palm

unix was built to be a universal pipefitting between networks. It's perfect for todays Ghz-class smartphones and is very secure. Now imagine Microsoft Windows + Wireless + Quadband modem + bluetooth + GPS and imagine yourself slapping your face over and over as you get hacked over and over again.

this is the reality, unless you buy AdVanced shaftinG software, which will only cost you MORE MONEY on top of what you paid for Windows! Jeeeeeesus Christ. It's just like Ballmer said; "It's an incredible value but it's true!"

mushroom_32.png

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Crucial v4 256GB budget SSD review

The Alpha Klutz
WTF?

watched the marketing video for this

truly bizarre. the guy was smiling and grinning and wearing pastels. and banging on about how they deliberately used sata2. and im thinking ARE YOU ON CRACK?

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Apple: You'd want hi-fi streamage from us, not poor-people Wi-Fi audio

The Alpha Klutz
Pint

Re: HiFi?

I have heard a real life person, tell me, in person, that he recorded his music to cassette tape as the sound quality was superior to CD, in his opinion. When I inquired why, he said; because it's analogue.

With the benefit of hindsight I can see that he was just an idiot. He had also explained to me his philosophy of militant veganism, and had promised me that in the US there are vegans who go around beating people up as a form of moral fascism. I felt very sorry for him for believing that, but his delusion would not remiss, and all I could see on his greasy face was a keen optimism to join the imaginary ranks of built vegans, kicking the shit out of women and children eating hamburgers at the bowling alley. Real men.

Getting out of the nut house felt good, and it took me a while to get my head around his smooth rhetoric, these preachy moral crusader types have an incredible lust for power. They also tend to have a smooth, oily skin, rich in the oils of nature's vegetables.

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Mars rover will.i.am 'cast: A depressing day for space and technology

The Alpha Klutz
Alert

soon will.i.am will win the contract to write our new national anthem

either him or ATOS

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Mars rover harangues empty landscape with loudhailer

The Alpha Klutz
Facepalm

wouldnt they be pissed

if a martian came along and turned the rover off.

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Curiosity rover hijacked by will.i.am to debut science song

The Alpha Klutz
Unhappy

Re: Or is it just a pretty pointless exercise in uploading and downloading data?

Everything is a pointless exercise in uploading and downloading data, when you think about it.

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Apple lawyer: 'I promise I am not smoking crack'

The Alpha Klutz
Alert

i smoke crack in court

im not usually the lawyer tho

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Privacy snafu as TOPLESS Mark Zuckerberg picture leaks online

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

COGNITIVE INFILTRATION GAMES

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsdiYUnKyzk

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The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Down

sausage festival

aint my kinda party

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Sick of juggling apps on biz PCs? This install tool will save your sanity

The Alpha Klutz

I won't be shelling out for the Pro version

but Ninite is an excellent tool for setting up domestic computers. CCleaner to get rid of the shite they come with and Ninite to put the good stuff on.

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Blizzard pwned: Gamers' email, encrypted passwords slurped

The Alpha Klutz
Joke

what would actually happen to a person if their WoW account got took

massive increase in going outside?

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Tesco helps high flyers avoid actual shops

The Alpha Klutz

"i cannot imagine what was said at the stroky beard meeting that gave birth to that thing!"

"gregory my daughter needs another pony, are you quite sure the dairy farmers are dying?"

call me G sir, yes quite sure sir

"well get the money from someone else, who's next on the suckers list? ah.... airport users"

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The Alpha Klutz
Trollface

WTF am I supposed to do with two four packs of yoghurt that go out of date tomorrow?

funnel yoghurt into balloon and slap local tesco manager on head with it till it bursts.

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The Alpha Klutz
Stop

that is so...................

sad

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Radio hams unite to fight off new powerline comms standard

The Alpha Klutz
Headmaster

this is how corporations bypass government

and they do it especially viciously when its someone elses government.

globalism is awesome.

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Size does matter: Outlook.com punters want meatier passwords

The Alpha Klutz

i also want it to be faster

outlook is noticeably slower than gmail. you can see it refreshing the page dozens of times going to bay 002 bay 056 bay 089 for fucks sake just load my email up

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Valve: Games run FASTER on Linux than Windows

The Alpha Klutz

Games run slow on windows- Aka you have a low-spec machine.

i was wondering how long it would take the Microsoft camp to come out with that one LOL.

honestly billions of calcs per sec ought to be fast enough. no modern PC is slow.

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The Alpha Klutz

games run slow on windows

also because of all the spy software micosoft is running and about 10 to 20% of any windows PC resources go on virus scanning even though virus scanning has been widely discredited.

i was writing posts years ago about how it doesnt work and no one believed me, now its mainstream news. get with the curve people.

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Facebook: 83 million IMPOSTERS stalk our network

The Alpha Klutz

Re: But is Facebook advertising a scam?

well of course they game it. the whole IPO was a scam. every day in the news you read of what rich people do to hurt you, and you still wont believe it when it happens again (and again)

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The Alpha Klutz

take the money and run Zuck, run!

its okay, we know you dont care.

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Outlook.com launch a gold rush for jokers, spammers

The Alpha Klutz

monkey see monkey do

read about outlook.com yesterday, it never even occurred to me to sign up. it was the LAST thing on my mind.

Today I read of the gold rush to bag the good accounts, and, well why not.

got real.name, got firstinitiallastname, hmm what else can i have. sadly firstname is taken.

i might use these accounts to apply for jobs because:

a. outlook is synonymous with business, before today nobody outside of business ever gave a fuck about outlook.

b. most recruiters are highly refined pure grade scum and i'm tired of giving them my real address because i just get spammed the fuck out and they dont even give me the job

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Disk demand after Thai floods drains away - unlike Seagate's coffers

The Alpha Klutz

in a few years time only fascists will use hard discs

flash is the future

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Buzz: iPhone 5 arrives September 21, demand 'unprecedented'

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

they lie to you because they dont respect you

you: "wow i dont know anyone who wants to buy an iphone 5"

the tv: "everyone wants an iphone 5"

and they think youre that stupid that the next day you will believe it and go buy one.

scum!

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Intel accidentally outs 'Poulson' Itanium specs

The Alpha Klutz

well i could have designed that...

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Nearly 2 MILLION US Facebook users quit social network

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

what a surprise

when people finally realise they are slaves they dont like it, so they quit. but there are two telescreen corporations, both run by the global government, so it doesn't matter which you defect to. by far the more powerful and ubiquitous is google who no longer hide that they are watching you on a second by second basis. now they just tell you and it like "click agree or we kick you out of the walled garden" except the walled garden is actually a walled prison, a prison inside a prison.

but don't worry, you have been made to love your servitude.

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Yes, you can be sacked for making dodgy Facebook posts

The Alpha Klutz

ringadingding

next stop jail for thought crimes. all the evidence is on Facebook

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Olympics security cockup down to software errors - report

The Alpha Klutz

remember what satan has in store for you

because thats what you will get this summer

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Join the gov consultation on net porn ... and have your identity revealed

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

you will be wanking so hard your frenulum will snap off and bounce around the room

and then you'll wish the government had blocked porn

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