* Posts by The Alpha Klutz

652 posts • joined 17 Feb 2011

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Mobes, web filth 'PORNIFYING' our kids, warns top Labour MP

The Alpha Klutz
Childcatcher

...let me put on my Dianne Abbot hat...

Our UK children are being sexualised by militant US pornographers. I am a UK MP, working here, in the UK, fighting for our British and Irish children that live on our UK island together with us. Let me begin by saying that I love all the UK children, in a good way, and will be counting on your votes at the next election. Remember to vote for Labour and the UK children in Ireland and the UK will be safe from internet. I will do it for you and the children.

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Greedy Sky admits: We crippled broadband with TOO MANY users

The Alpha Klutz

how many clowns can you fit in a VW?

You'd have to be pretty silly to sign up to Sky in the first place....

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Foxit outfoxes fiendish flaw to fix foxed-up Firefox PDF plugin

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

Foxit

I use Foxit but the real point is that diversity is key. if PDF is supposed to be a standard we shouldn't have a monoculture of one single PDF reader. Inevitably it will get bought by a careless profit driven monolith like Adobe and Microsoft who will use it as a platform to start churning out shit.

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How to build a BONKERS 7.5TB, 10GbE test lab for under £60,000

The Alpha Klutz

also

if you can find any real company that is willing to throw money at this stuff, please, tell me where to send my CV. When my employers talk about test labs they mean the pile of broken pentium 2s.

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The Alpha Klutz
WTF?

tens of thousands of dollars spent on MS licences - really?

Could give the money to any semi-competent Linux grey beard and end up with something that won't be obsolete at the next Microsoft product cycle.

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This week's BBC MELTDOWN: Savile puppet haunts kids' TV

The Alpha Klutz

that's an own goal

LOL. surely they knew it might touch a few nerves.

Maybe next time they can have a character called Mr Rapiscan or something.

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Global mercury ban to hit electronics, plastics, power prices

The Alpha Klutz

Re: CFL's

dunno about the cleanup. someone left a strip light on the lawn once so i stamped on in. BANG. very satisfying.

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The Alpha Klutz

but still fine to put it in our teeth yes?

well depending on which country you live in anyway. some countries dont give a shit about their slaves' health including all powerful UK.

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TSA to pull backscatter perv scanners from US airports

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

how's it going 2000 man?

welcome back to solid ground my friend.

I heard all your controls were jammed.

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Nokia axes 300 IT bods, outsources 820 to Tata, HCL

The Alpha Klutz

Re: im sick of getting turned down at job interviews for not being indian

i'm going to set up an Indian account on monster and put on the Short Circuit accent and take the piss with these guys.

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The Alpha Klutz

lol

I remember when Nokias were desirable, now talking about your Nokia is like knowingly giving someone AIDS.

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The Alpha Klutz

im sick of getting turned down at job interviews for not being indian

okay i said it. when the guy interviewing you is indian, and all his staff are indians, and he says you can do the job but he gives the job to another indian because you are white - that is racism. and ive seen it so many times.

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Use your loaf, Europe! Eat more fibre - high-speed web lobbyists

The Alpha Klutz
Flame

Re: filthy degenerates

turns out because I was wearing a nicer suit than him, he thought I was a rich kid. Nothing could be further from the truth. Obviously the guy was a working class lad and not too bright --with a belly full of pork pies. He was one ugly guy. Seeing a handsome intelligent boy like me was probably too much for him. Certainly wouldn't want anyone like me around the place making that sack of shit look bad at his job... whatever the hell he did. He's probably dead now anyone. Coronary disease is a killer you fat bastard.

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The Alpha Klutz

Re: filthy degenerates

this is before companies like BT destroyed my attitude. i went in there all innocent like maybe if i do a good job i can climb the greasy ladder or whatever. but i get there and immediately its like "listen sonny we're not gunna hand you the top jobs on a plate" and i'm like woah when did i ever say anything about being handed things on a plate? thats some bullshit YOU made up and put on me.

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The Alpha Klutz

filthy degenerates

BT are run by vile people. If I ever see the guy who interviewed me at BT on the street I'm going to make him find out what I think of him.

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Look out, fanbois: One in two nicked mobes is an iPhone - cops

The Alpha Klutz

Re: in 10 years iphones will look ... dated

it wont be worth any money when you're a feudal serf under the new world order.

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The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

in 10 years iphones will look as dated as the TV show Big Brother does now. only the most unrepentant KFC munching chavs will still have one. and KFC will put unknown particles in your food from the GM and petrochemical industries. just like Apple would do if Steve Satan was still alive and running the show like the rampant cock munching tyrant he is.

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The Alpha Klutz

BOOM HEADSHOT

The iphone is easy to snatch because of its cumbersome shape and short battery life. you could walk through an office and steal 20 or 40 because they have to be on charge all day. and on the street you just look like a twat carrying one so i would nick it from you jsut to teach you a lesson quite frankly and i know many who would do the same.

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Viruses infect vital control systems at TWO US power stations

The Alpha Klutz

Windows dropper

the common vuln for all these windows dropper malwares is the windows OS which we need to get rid of immediately.

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Playboy fined £100k by Blighty watchdog for FLASHING SMUT at kids

The Alpha Klutz
Stop

lol

none of the porn sites i go on need a credit card. If I'm gonna be watching hardcore porn everyday I at least don't want it on my credit report.

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Titsup Windows Phone 8 orders user to cram 'boot disc' in mobe

The Alpha Klutz
Alien

happy to BUY WINDOWS PHONE. a+ purchase am pleased eternal! you buy me too.

yes brothers and sisters

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The Alpha Klutz

Re: Windows 8 on Phones is so Sucky....

it shows how much optimization has been done i.e. the bare minimum

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Zuck on that! Instagram loses HALF its hipsters in a month

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

all in all just another brick in the wall

if you forget to put metadata in your image, i say FUCK YOU. get your shit took. what did you think would happen

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CIOs: Don't listen to tech vendors on ICT skills, listen to US

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

good article

industry brought the crisis on themselves with their idiotic behavior, making massive future losses to get their hands on small amounts of extra profit today. probably so the execs daughter can afford the new uni fees. otherwise how will her hot tight vag get introduced to the campus boys.

you see, nobody cares about IT people, at all. Nobody understands what we do, or how much smarter we are than them. My advice is to become a hacker. Black hat, white hat, grey hat. Get yourself a hat and get hacking. Choose a cause to change the world that you care about. Quit your job, you're gunna be laid off next month anyway.

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Which qualifications are worthwhile?

The Alpha Klutz

Re: An alternative approach

we've had job applicants saying right in their cover letter "will work for free". and they don't even bother tarting it up with talk of internships or a paid opportunity later. they just say hey bitch i wanna for FOR FREE. so you look at their CV and invariably they graduated from some fake Indian university with a double degree in nuclear chemistry but they can't spell nuclear or chemistry and most of the CV was copied off the example on the front page of today's monster.com

looks real good, in the bin.

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The Alpha Klutz

Re: the degree millstone

going to university is culturally normative. if it wasn't, I bet most people today wouldn't have gone in the first place. Some of them are there to learn, but these days people in our society interested in knowledge are vanishingly rare. Everyone's at McDonald's or Starbucks, scratching their ass, contemplating their next package holiday so they can go throw up all over a less well off country. Most people are pricks.

If you want to learn about computers, shit, we gunna put your ass to work. Learn assembly language, boolean algebra, database theory, the OSI layers, graph theory, compiler theory, algorithms, parallel processing, serialisation, encryption, data compression, multiplexing, redundancy, client/server model, C, linked lists, reverse word indexes, encapsulation/encoding/data types etc.

In the end, nobody will give a shit that you know any of that, and you still won't get a good job.

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The Alpha Klutz

Re: An alternative approach

Do you have any idea how bad it looks offering to work for free?

I used to work for free, but then I stopped being 12.

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IT sector bumped up jobs in the US in December

The Alpha Klutz

zuckerburg took our gift and our beauty and our resources

and used them to create filth, and destruction. He built a gateway for evil into the world and he saw that it was good. Now he is rubbing his hands, because his human resources are blissfully unaware of their domination, for now. Facebook wants to make next year your last social year.

with total dominance. now the UK census has been analyzed by the NSA you will get facebook undooing your relationships. They have your photos from CCTV and new algorithms based off youtube comments are generating hatemail in your name. Facebook is setting up millions of black accounts. they are your evil twin,

but the authorities know their number is yours. you cannot see your black account as Facebook puppets it to destroy your image and usher in everything unholy. Zuckerburg is creating in his image a world of inadequacy and suffering. you see it in the imagery he uses, in the clothes he wears, how he is doing things secretly. you know that evil is as evil does.

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Biz users, hard-up punters: Nobody loves Windows 8

The Alpha Klutz
Flame

windows 8 has failed in the market place

this is not surprising. it brings the user an interesting new experience like being hit in the face with breeze block on a construction site and being left for dead with bleeding genitals.

many people have been tricked into paying huge numbers of beer tokens, like 25 beer tokens, so you bet theyre gunna make up some obscure feature microsoft stole from linux to claim its a great new improvement etc but fact is someone would of coded that feature for free if the source code was open and you wouldnt have to be hit in the face or touched up on a building site. you could have freedom. you could be respected.

it only runs faster because they colluded with intel to make it so. theres no reason windows xp could of been that fast and windows xp ctually is the fastest but again theres this construction site delusion where th emore traumatic the experience the mroe you pretend to like it

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Lenovo, EA, Intel unite to DESTROY our childhood memories

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

i think the latency is better on the real game as well

its so responsive how the pieces always move to where you put them and not..... where some algorithm wants.

board games are shit. nuclear families are shit. and table top PCs are the thin turd chain that joins them together in the supermax society. does the table pc spy on you and sell you novelty bumper stickers and soft drinks as well? Let me guess there is an obnoxious shop to buy table pc board games so that you can pay your money for something thats like a real object but not real!!!!! fuck computers.

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MEGAGRAPH: 1983's UK home computer chart toppers

The Alpha Klutz
Happy

I invented a good few of those computers

and looking back on my successful career I'm glad I did it and earned all that money and notoriety for myself. I was so awesome for doing that.

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Windows RT jailbreak smash: Run ANY app on Surface slabs

The Alpha Klutz

Re: in 2 years tablets in any architecture will be totally cheap

"As bad as China's air quality is I bet England's 120 years ago or so wasn't much better."

should have pointed that out 120 years ago when I might have cared

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The Alpha Klutz

in 2 years tablets in any architecture will be totally cheap

coming out of china like industrial diarrhea. I laugh at how their air is so shitty, they probably fart it out cleaner. but i hope the toxins dont eventually effect me in my part of the world. anyway enjoy your tablets you toffs

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The Alpha Klutz

i hope the store crashes and burns then i hope the ashes crash as well

a store is just a unix repository but less useful because everything that costs money costs money and everything that doesn't is shit.

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Microsoft burgled, only the APPLE iPADS stolen - cops confirm

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

I love it when they steal rich tat

from rich twats.

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Anonymous turns private eye in Ohio rape case

The Alpha Klutz

Re: Disgusted, yes. Surprised, no.

not all of them are, just 90% with the other 10% "just following orders" so thats okay then.............................

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China fines Samsung and LG for LCD price-fixing

The Alpha Klutz

not jsut LCDs

food, printer ink, socks, condoms, healthcare, transport

all of the prices are fixed so no matter how shit the quality, you always have to pay a little more

dont worry youyr money is going to a good cause - the rockefellers and bill gates and the eugenicists. they know better how to spend your money than you do. they know to use your own money to kill you.

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This photo slide scanner costs €60... The bundled malware? That's free

The Alpha Klutz

and if thats not bad enough

wait till you see how shit the scans look

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'SHUT THE F**K UP!' The moment Linus Torvalds ruined a dev's year

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

HOW DARE YOU DO THIS

Get that Chebab guy here so i can shout at him too. what a tool. scum!

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Microsoft: We're SO SORRY for Media Center TV guide titsup

The Alpha Klutz

well thats a surprise

didnt know anyone was seriously using WMC

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Wi-Fi, WiGig Alliances to wed, breed 60GHz progeny

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

wireless data waves to corrupt brain frequencies

its all here black and white clear as crystal

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Facebook continues to CONQUER THE WORLD

The Alpha Klutz

large numbers of facebook users

have personality disorders

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Drobo B1200i: The heavy-duty array even your mum could use

The Alpha Klutz

Re: This is 2013, manufacturers. Get with the program.

"so why can't I just download the software without a login?"

because they want to spam you. APC do the same crap. You just have to sign up to use our software its real easy BAM have some spam sucker!!!.

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Aw grandad, I asked for an iPad and you got me an iPod

The Alpha Klutz

a simple explanation

bought my kid an ipad for christmas. returned on new year.

reason being is i wanted to prove to him that we didnt become trendy when it arrived or stop being trendy when it left and we are both quite satisfied now that its not a trendy product. other families aren't as intelligent.

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Thunderbolt interface strikes YOUR PC: What's the damage?

The Alpha Klutz

give it 10 years

any thunderbolt gear you buy now is practically guaranteed to be expensive buggy and no better than regular alternatives. apple users are the beta test. its fast as hell of course theres no point wasting all that time and money to hook up a decade old piece of tech like a hard drive. thunderbolt is for things that dont exist yet.

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It's JUST possible, but Apple MIGHT not make an iWatch in 2013

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

apple watch in stylish barcode finish with rfid included to proudly display your number

when apple (latin for evil) release a watch and it becomes popular, you will know the new world order has taken over and will begin sterilizing your children and putting binary weapons in their HFCS.

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Craptastic analysis turns 2.8 zettabytes of Big Data into 2.8 ZB of FAIL

The Alpha Klutz

Re: the trouble is that business leaders are inherently stupid people

if you're rich you will get hired straight out of Oxford even if you only got in cos your dad paid the relevant hush money. thats exactly how business in the UK works. There are people in top universities who can write their own name, cant name the planets, but they can get a job above you in the food chain every day of the week.

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The Alpha Klutz

the trouble is that business leaders are inherently stupid people

they have money, and they love to assume that they are smarter than people with less money. (they call it ""experience"") but really what they are saying when they say they wont hire you because of a lack of experience, they mean they wont hire you because you have a lack of money.

im not surprised business leaders frequently fail to spot trends or analyse data effectively. I have worked with business leaders and they are all scum. they only think in terms of how to make the next penny. even when they have kids you can see they have a terrible outlook on life and their kids are inherently unhappy. business is futile.

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When your squash partner 'endorses' your coding skills on LinkedIn...

The Alpha Klutz

let me tell you about linked in folks

no one cares that you and your mates put an obviously sexed up list of skills on a website. you are not employable. you are scum.

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