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* Posts by The Alpha Klutz

651 posts • joined 17 Feb 2011

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Think you're ready to make a big career bet? Read this first...

The Alpha Klutz

re: persecution

like it or not the percentage of autistic people in society has been growing for decades and they must

MUST be accommodated.

They should be given the good careers and futures that we ALL deserve, not sidelined and marginalized for a perceived deficit.

by hook or by crook these people will make their way into mainstream society, and anyone who has a problem with that better get their fucking act together before their are less of them than the "weirdos".

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Breaking news, LITERALLY: Financial Times vandalized by hackers

The Alpha Klutz

get ur comments in

this shit is bananas

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Murdoch Facebook gloat: You're like my $580m, 'CRAPPY' MySpace

The Alpha Klutz

facebook

is a crap forum with many adverts, many many adverts

there are some good forums on the internet just google forum and the name of the thing you're interested in.

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Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

The Alpha Klutz

When you get your first job in IT

you'll be eating dog food 3 days a week.

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The Alpha Klutz

ive been commentating for years

and my comments still get moderated.

which is perverse because i never post anything controversial. the government does however want to censor my posts.

anyway, i like to eat about £20 worth of food a day. ,,,,,mmmmmmmmmmmmm

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Look ma, no plugins! Streaming web video with just JavaScript

The Alpha Klutz

Re: Re What?

but what runs the browser if not an operating system?

There seems to be a modern obsession with trying to convince people that your web apps will replace their whole operating system.

Firstly, people don't know what an operating system is, so its not hard to convince them that it is what it isn't.

Secondly, everyone subconsciously hates Microsoft, so why don't they just fucking say it: "our new browser lets you ditch Microsoft"?????? That would be a much stronger selling point than this disingenuous 'look at our new OS' crap.

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The Alpha Klutz
Facepalm

"It's a huge win for the open Web"

okay, good.

"and we expect HTML5 to replace legacy operating systems on desktops, TVs, consoles and mobile devices."

What?

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Anonymity ZUCKS: Facebook's Instagram to switch on face tagging

The Alpha Klutz
Facepalm

wow you can put text onto photos now?

that must be worth a billion dollars right Zuck?

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10-day stubble: Men's 'socio-sexual attributes' at their best

The Alpha Klutz

what women want

Money

Kids

A good shag

Money

Did I mention Money?

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Thousands rally behind teen girl cuffed, expelled in harmless 'explosion'

The Alpha Klutz

school is quickly becoming the most dangerous place for a child to be. if theyre not being expelled or given a criminal record, theyre being filled with innumerable lies and misinformation by teachers who do the bare minimum to pass the tests and collect their pay cheques. academia is not important to anyone outside of academia. it's a God damn fact. maybe one in several hundred teachers cares about their pupils and that's a hugely generous estimate.

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Reddit: So very sorry for naming innocent man as Boston bomber

The Alpha Klutz

everyone who took part in this

will find themselves in jail.

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First batch of Firefox OS phones sells out in hours

The Alpha Klutz

my god

im going to spunk

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Apple branded porno-peddling perverts by Chinese Pravda

The Alpha Klutz

Re: apple and china are two dispicable entities

what's that I can see in front of me? buildings? people? clear blue sky?

it must be so nice in china where you get to enjoy the thick black smog. oh how i must be missing out.

how quaint Britain must seem with its clear air laws as all the insufferable trendy scumbags move to china to try and become english teachers. enjoy your lung cancer and dont come back.

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At LAST, scientists tackle the problems faced by alcoholic rats

The Alpha Klutz

i want 10 rodent kidneys in addition to my human kidneys.

never hurts to have backup

how much?

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Facebook struggling to find 'immersive' Home on Apple's iPhone

The Alpha Klutz

ha

make an outrageous app to rebrand the whole phone

yeah thats never going to get rejected from the app store

hahaha

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IT salaries: Why you are a clapped-out Ferrari

The Alpha Klutz

find something not too difficult that kinda goes on for ever

and do that. use beer to kill the brain cells you would need if you had a better job, and just remember that you cant take your money with you when you die

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Dubai splurges on 700hp, 217mph Lamborghini police cruiser

The Alpha Klutz
Facepalm

im gunna get 701 horse power then its on

you wanna go?

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Facebook Home gets SMACKDOWN from irate users

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Up

its GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGREAT

its like having a personal assistant, who's also a wold class stalker, in your pocket. you can just stalk people when you dont even want to. when you wake up in the morning. when youre on the train. when you take a sh$t....

i think all of the creepy people should have this

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Hold on! Degrees for all doesn't mean great jobs for all, say profs

The Alpha Klutz

uni not necessary

if you're middle class and you like alcohol and your parents are rich, of course you would go to uni.

if like me your parents have no money you are statistically far less likely to see the benefit of taking out a government loan just to party with middle class gap-yah twats. at least, thats the way i saw it. so i didnt go.

Instead I got a job and learned skills. Seems kinda crazy that someone would do that, but I did, and it worked for me.

Learning to program was a long term ambition of mine (since I was 10) but I never truly "got it" until my first job allowed me to understand WHY people would actually sit around and write code. Its not for fun, its for money. And that puts a very different set of constraints on you than if you were just dicking around at uni.

The real world is different, and its getting more different every day. Back in uni-gapyah-land, the same lecturers are giving the same lectures they gave in the 70s and, its tedious, frankly.

They will protest purely to justify their own high salaries and cushy jobs.

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Silent Circle aims for email that's as secure as it gets

The Alpha Klutz

Re: HOW DARE U CENSOR ME

who deleted my upvotes?

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The Alpha Klutz

HOW DARE U CENSOR ME

SCIENTISTS are working on robotic judges that will be able to pass judgment on you and your family, and all of your friends, at the same time, as you sit, crying, in separate video court rooms, crying for the days when robots had comassion, and decency, but no, 600 years for you. That will be in a military jail. You will be tortured and treated unjustly. I bet you hope this doesn't happen to you, but it will.

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Ahoy! Google asks US gov't to help sink patent 'privateers'

The Alpha Klutz

patents R important

u MUST use them WISELY OR face the CONSEQUENCES...

WHY are people doing bad things with patents? is it our failing society? yes!

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Stephen Fry explains… Alan Turing's amazing computer

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Is UK web speech regulated? No.10: Er. We’ll get back to you

The Alpha Klutz

in UK

u will get your butt pounded for breaking any of the vague ridiculous internet laws.

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Self-healing chips survive repeated LASER BLASTS

The Alpha Klutz
Mushroom

I WILL USE THESE CHIPS TO MAKE SATAN COME TO EARTH

and you will ALL finally suffer

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Sergey Brin emasculated after HORROR smartphone disaster

The Alpha Klutz

no human interaction is natural

humans evolved conversation because they couldnt understand why the early days of humans involved 100% rape. we were all just rapin' apes. raping someone was like saying hello, because we hadn't figured out how to say hello yet.

why can't we go back to the good old days?

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Health pros: Alcohol is EVIL – raise its price, ban its ads

The Alpha Klutz
Thumb Down

alcohol is a shit drug

if the government was that concerned they could legalize weed. many of these people just want an altered state of mind all day for gods sake weed is the safest way to do that. but since its not legal, we will turn to the strong lagers and cheap hooch. hahaha can you imagine how little of a diference it would make if a third of the can said "u will die liver cancer" well shit. im already contemplating death anyway - i want to go out by rush hour train on a friday afternoon in london. thats my ambition in life. for gods sake let me just have that.

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APT1, that scary cyber-Cold War gang: Not even China's best

The Alpha Klutz

if your business uses standard MICROSOFT network

you think your so safe because you have a DMZ. No.

Let me tell you that I think it's damn funny the Chinese now have all your files. They'll probably use them better anyway, the Chinese are smart people you know. Probably don't even pay for Windows if/when they do run it. Just like all the smart Indians who don't pay. It's only you litigious westerners that think its so kinky to go around paying for software.

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World+Dog don't care about climate change, never have done

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

why would anyone care?

establishment man: the climate is changing!

plebs: oh yeah. we are getting flooded more now, will you pay to protect us?

establishment man: uuuuhh........ nooooo. but remember, the climate is changing hehe!

plebs: is there anything we can do about it?

boss man: not really, but if we charge people for carrier bags at the supermarket, maybe that will stop the climate changing?

plebs: so there's really no reason to care at all, since you won't help and we can't do anything?

dictator: that's right, but remember the climate is changing hehe haha boy i love saying it dont i

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Four firms pitch hi-def DRM for Flash cards

The Alpha Klutz

the problem with DRM systems

they are conceived by people who just have no concept of humans. no one who designs DRM systems has ever had to use one, that's for sure. They just sit in their cozy bubble pumping out this shit. "oh what if we scramble these few bytes here, that will really fuck with them!" "no i've got a better idea, lets write a new driver for windows to connect to our server and make sure everything is legal every 30 seconds"

it's like having a team of guys working on new types of cancer. "Hey guys, here's a new one! You're gunna love this: HAIR CANCER. When can we get it in production?"

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RIAA: Google failing on anti-piracy push

The Alpha Klutz

Re: you buy it from the iTunes app.

thereby ensuring that it can built a psychometric profile on you for Apple and their media buddies. Siri records everything you say for Apple HQ to review, and its well known that they have been tracking your location since the iPhone was first released.

Is it just me, or does this sound very..... sinister? I just want to listen to music.. I'm not a slave.

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The Alpha Klutz

what do they expect

If I search "how to get music for free" should the RIAA be able to tell Google to make all the results about how I am a scum thief? I don't think so. Because if I wanted to be lectured like a child I would pay over the odds for a cinema ticket and go sit in a damp seat being lectured about how all pirates suck by a corporate propaganda piece that, sorry guys, really doesn't make me feel any sorrier for you than I did before. That is to say I really don't care if your formulaic blockbusters end up in Poundland or on the internet and you have to get a real job to pay the bills. No really, I don't care at all.

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The Alpha Klutz
Trollface

results that emphasize illegal sites at the expense of legitimate services

boohoo. why cant i stop crying over this serious matter?

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BBC's new bosses - the lawyers - strike out Savile probe testimony

The Alpha Klutz

lawyers

are the scum of the earth.

dont fuck kids. fairly simple. how hard is it for the BBC to understand that?

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Any storm in a port

The Alpha Klutz

usb ports are easy

i can plug usb into any device except an imac where the ports are thoughtlessly inaccessible, at the back, where satanist steve jobs wanted them.

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Facebook in futile attempt to block perverts from Graph Searching for teens

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Ask Google this impossible question, get web filth as a reward

The Alpha Klutz

INTERNET SCUM

THIS IS WHY INTERNET SHOULD BE BANNED FOR UNDER 18 SO U HAVE TO SHOW ID AND NO PORN ALLOWED. MAKE THE INTERNET SAFE COS I SAID SO

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Microsoft sails into Africa with White Spaces and Huawei phones

The Alpha Klutz

Re: Into Africa

bill gates may be wiping out diseases today, but tomorrow he could be re-introducing them. These billionaires always need a project to make themselves feel like they've done something other than accumulate vast wealth.

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The Alpha Klutz

if you were a rich evil man

would you honestly not do evil things under a media smokescreen that says you do good things? I mean, if you can afford to buy the media, and he can, you can basically tell people anything and they WILL believe it. Because in order to fit in and not seem crazy, everyone has to believe the same lies in the mass media - that's how it works. You could believe any crazy lie you want and it could be such a lie but if its on TV you will still feel so smart and clever about what you "know" and you will go around getting hurt feelings when people point out different.

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iOS 6.1 KNACKERED our mobile phone networks, claim Vodafone, Three

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

are the SLAVES holding it wrong again?

Satan worshiper Steve Jobs joins us from the dead to argue YES.

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Men's rights activists: Symantec branded us a 'hate group'

The Alpha Klutz
Megaphone

Warning: its been determined that you'll behave in unpredicatable ways if exposed to this material

For your continued safety and ongoing comfort, our skilled Endorsement and Recommendations team have determined that, in this particular instance, we are not able to endorse this material for your viewing.

For maximum benefit and to ensure your happiness, we are pleased to recommend that you view other material at this time.

Kind regards,

Symantec Endorsement and Recommendations Team

Total Safety and Security for the New World

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Huge rock-hard marble erection shocks Japanese kiddies

The Alpha Klutz

toddlers are afraid of the statues

good. when can i get one in my home town?

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El Reg contemplates the ultimate cuppa

The Alpha Klutz

Call me conventional

But I'll take mine without any horsemeat in it.

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Eyes in the sky: UK.gov's CCTV code to IGNORE MILLIONS of cameras

The Alpha Klutz

There is a bright side to living in a police state

The government will provide vouchers for my internet connection.

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Google Drives into web hosting

The Alpha Klutz

why all the Minesweeper hate

This is breaking news. Once Minesweeper goes SaaS Microsoft is finished.

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Stricken 2e2 threatens data centres: Your money or your lights

The Alpha Klutz
Devil

That's the problem with clouds

They have a tendency to just disappear in a shower of rain. I bet their customers are all really happy with the "savings" they've made....

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British games company says it owns the idea of space marines

The Alpha Klutz

never did understand Warhammer

why would I want to sink all my savings on a plastic toy you have to assemble yourself to play a game with tape measures and rule books the size of your telephone directory. Can't exactly see the fun in that. Neither can the female half of the population because you never see them in Games Workshop

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Data centers to go bonkers over microservers

The Alpha Klutz

It gets me thinking. Why would I pay over the odds for a Raspberry Pi that won't ever actually get here when I could design the same chips onto a board minus the crap i dont need, add in the clustering features I do need, and the boards can be manufactured in China and sent over in no time at all. Ok its gunna cost a shit load and I don't actually have the skills to do that. But it's an appealing prospect. <16 low power CPUs on a board is going to end up being cheaper to manufacture than millions of tiny boards. And I want an ethernet switch on every single board, built in.

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Earth-like planets abound in red dwarf systems

The Alpha Klutz

Dinosaurs

why would a civilization need to be "advanced" to be worthwhile. I would be more interested in finding the Dinosaur planets tbh.

Imagine a spaceship the size of a 10 storey building landing on a planet full of animals the size of 20 storey buildings. Would that not rock your socks?

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