Posts by The Alpha Klutz
600 posts • joined Thursday 17th February 2011 17:30 GMT
May I suggest
http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/
making you feel sick
isn't really the same as damaging your eyes.
There's no physical process by which the 3DS can damage your vision, you just get a bit of eye strain, that's all. Anyone in the world who owns a computer, a television, or a book, is "straining" their eyes to use it. Who cares?
Obviously there are people in this world with a vested interested in making us all scared to death that we will go blind any day now. I've had 12 hours screen time every day for the last decade. My eyes are the only part of my body that isn't suffering.
Besides, when your eyes are suffering, your body tells you, it's called pain. Just like you can't run on a broken leg, you can't use strained eyes.
I'm not a doctor, but if it will make you feel any better, I will buy a doctorate on eBay.
another danger
you can trap your fingers in the deadly clamshell type case. The only option after that is amputation.
How many children must be maimed this way.
Posted in Facebook Comments kill web freedom
"Facebook does not give you that granularity of control."
And the important point is: it never will.
Why? Because that would be too complicated, even for us geeks. When you have to make a list of everyone you've ever met and assign them different sets of access permissions to your account relevant to everyone else - that's too much work. It's just not worth the effort.
I agree with you wholeheartedly about having several groups of friends and colleagues that are not mutually exclusive, (or in some cases, are mutually exclusive), and for that reason I find Facebook fundamentally distasteful.
I could only add my friends as "friends" (it would make a lot more sense), but those are the people who are actually considerate enough to bother contacting me outside of Facebook. I don't need Facebook to contact them and I certainly wouldn't use it if I had the choice.
The trouble with Facebook, is that they want you to have only one account, when in reality you need 2 or 3. You need that barrier between groups. You could give people an email address that relates to the account you want them to see, and everyone would be happy. But no, Mark Zuckerberg is too much of an idiot to embrace an idea as forward thinking as that.
I can image Facebook would be the shit if I was 12, because I could just add everyone at my school as a "friend". As it stands though, forced social interaction between random groups of people is not my cup of tea. But hey, I never was a fascist.
Posted in Microsoft wraps Windows 8 in Ribbon UI?
"rehashing the same old Windows 95 UI."
At least someone put some careful thought and consideration into making the Windows 95 UI a genuine improvement over 3.1
And it worked dammit. Nobody was complaining that they "liked Windows 3.1 better". Because that's what an improvement is, changing something to make it BETTER. Not just changing it to make it different.
"Getting a bloody seat would be a start."
How about a nice game of musical chairs then? Should be mandatory on all trains.
crack pot theory
Music makes you want to dance, but we have a tendancy to listen to it in locations where dancing is not socially permissible (on the train etc), instead we must sit perfectly still against our natural instincts.
Conclusion: music is a nervous system depressant.
Although it might be more accurate to say that modern life is a nervous system depressant. How much less shit would the world be if we could dance on the train...
Posted in Facebook Comments kill web freedom
"private browsing mode in nearly every browser allows for untracked activity across the web."
When did it ever claim to do that? It allows for untracked activity on your local machine, nothing more.
"Facebook is arguably one of the greatest inventions ever"
I wouldn't want to be the one arguing that...
I'd rather suffer the trolls than live in a padded room with half a billion people all channelling Ned Flanders.
This is what happens when people elevate their feelings to cult status. Everyone thinks that it's illegal for you to upset them. Boring. People used to want freedom.
Posted in Net boffins plot password alternatives
protected using evolution of a two-dimensional dynamical system close to a phase transition
So they just invoke the quantum wave function and hex code determinism will increment the binary stack counter. It's all so clear to me now.
"unfriended the person anyway since I hadn't looked at their profile in a long time"
Yeah, stick it to the man. I bet he'll think twice before trying to be your friend again. Fight the power.
but they don't need expensive new computers
they need some decent software to run on the ones they have.
Imagine that you are miles away from a petrol station and your Ford Mondeo is empty. So, as you work for the government and you clearly know everything, you decide that the best solution is to have a Ford Mustang air lifted to your location. You might even think that it's a stupid idea, if you had to pay for it yourself.
PEBKAC
Council: Can you sell us your Internet Explorer?
IBM: This isn't Internet Explorer.
Council: We want the Internet Explorer.
IBM: We're not Microsoft
Council: Give us an Internet Explorer.
IBM: Fine, hand over the money.
Council: Here you go. Does anyone know how to use Internet Explorer?
Government fails again
Here's what you do with the 10 grand;
Collect all the young men together in a church hall, with a stack of censuses and a keg of stella at the front. You have a topless woman shout out the questions and the first person to shout out their answer gets a pint.
That's how I filled in mine...
Posted in UK is a closed source 'stronghold'
It's perfectly simple
We stifle curiosity by design in the UK because curious people are harder to sell (lie) to.
Case in point, it only takes a few criminally lame TV ads and suddenly everyone loves Windows 7. Are any of these people really getting more work done faster? No of course not. But they were never curious enough to ask themselves.
We have also been conditioned to accept criminally incompetent tech support staff as a new kind of post modern religion, where no one can ever help you with anything and it will be at least an hour before they answer your call.
UK IT is about as flimsy and impotent as a house of cards suffering from erectile dysfunction. And we all fucking love it that way.
Posted in Nokia launches new corporate font
personally
I think that the 'h' represents human misery.
Posted in Nokia launches new corporate font
Some people might see the 's' representing the curves of the female body?
yeah, sex offenders.
It just looks like Helvetica.
"inspired by the new typography"
This font inspires me to dump a load.
the problem
Is that its piss easy to create media (or should I call it "content") these days.
About 90% of all UK graduates are photographers and musicians and film makers (lol they wish) and every one of them has a home studio capable of cutting decent sounding tracks, or producing special effects that would have had you shitting your pants out through your trouser legs 50 years ago.
Media is worth nothing because basically everyone has an imagination, and these days all you need to act on it is a modicum of patience and a few weeks dole money to buy the gear. I have much respect for those who bother, but I'm still not going to pay them. Why should I when my own family is in desperate need of that money?
Meanwhile the people with the most talent of all (proper musicians, visionary directors etc) see what kind of shit us plebs like and they immediately top themselves rather than pander down to it. It's an exercise in pure degradation to make the kind of crappy music that a scumbag like me listens to. Why would anyone with self respect bother?
I'll fucking listen to a man scream at a diesel generator. I don't need notes or any of that fancy shit in my music. And if you listen to the radio in this country, even occasionally, you will know that I am not alone.
how many times must this happen before people will watch where they put their USB sticks?
I propose a new kind of USB memory device that will be mandatory for all public sector workers. It needs to be the size and weight of a breeze block.
It will remind them to always ask themselves "do I really need to take this with me" and if they do, they will know pretty soon if they aren't carrying it anymore.
Every time they check their breeze block key into the safe storage area at work, their boss should give them a gold star for being a good boy/girl.
First boy/girl to get 10 stars can have a free glass of orange squash and an extra 5 minutes lunch time.
Treat them like children, it's the only way.
There's a problem with all of these unified experiences
in that none of them talk to each other.
If your Apple unified experience won't talk to your Microsoft unified experience won't talk to your Canonical unified experience won't talk to your HP unified experience won't talk to your Sony unified experience then what the fuck is the point?
Vendor lock-in is as always its own worst enemy.
You won't blame me if I take a back seat on this one until, oooh, say, 20 years time when perhaps we can hope for one big cloud rather than dozens of violently xenophobic ones?
"Since a router is not used to store data, a judge reasoned, it fails to qualify as a computer"
It's not 'used' to store data, but it does store data and as such would qualify as a computer under that definition.
"Are you still running a CRT or LCD over VGA cable?"
Some people don't have a choice, at work.
I often have to use monitors that were far from ideal when they were built 10 years ago. ClearType is the icing on the shit sandwich. It makes text look utterly miserable (on crap monitors).
well yes
a few pennies.
No one was suggesting that attackers would have any desire to indiscriminately crash thousands of phones. An attacker would need to have a specific victim, their mobile number, and the knowledge that their phone is vulnerable in the first place.
You'd almost be better off running up and grabbing the phone off them, but if you are particularly passive-aggressive, you can now do it via SMS.
Posted in Three to drop mobile smut shield
"It does not have to be instant, but within a few days"
Days!
Would the phone company be happy if it took days to pull up someone's call logs? Why should their customers wait days for similarly critical tasks.
Half an hour at the most. And there should be none of this "you can only turn it on and off x times". Software is good because you can do things infinite times. Let's not tack pointless restrictions on.
It's not like we're asking some clerk to go to the basement and dig through 40 years worth of paper files. Companies need to learn that computers give them licence to operate differently than before, an opportunity that they should seize with both hands. Otherwise die like the record labels will.
I'm tired of some middle manager who gave up on technology the first time he failed to program his VCR, always telling me that a job will take days or weeks when I know for a fact that it will take seconds.
So it works on 158 authors
But what about millions?
Some people are so dumb that they surely don't have a unique writing style (in as much as they can write at all). Even their mistakes are one big exercise in groupthink.
Though I suppose those people are easy to catch anyway.
"websites will tap into the power of a PC's underling hardware - just like regular apps."
Surely in that case, you are using a regular app, it's just that you download and run it in a browser (that only works on Windows) as opposed to downloading and running it on Windows directly. I fail to see the improvement.
PM David Cameron described the claim as "completely paranoid"
before slapping his assistant and shouting "dammit I asked you to line this hat with tinfoil you oaf" and locking himself in a Faraday cage.
Classy
isn't it.
and the best hacker
Hacks in afterwards to change his grade.
"exactly zero from the United Kingdom."
"It's almost more of a math contest than a programming contest"
Sounds about right. It's rare in the UK to have a maths teacher who actually knows anything about maths, and even rarer for the selfish ungrateful shits in his care to shut up and let him speak. Or her, I suppose, as all male teachers are paedophiles now.
It's bizarre to see so many people in the UK who are literally proud of their inability to do simple mental arithmetic. And then we sit around bitching, wondering why all the good jobs are in other countries. Aside from the good jobs in the UK that are all staffed by foreigners.
Of course we can giggle and act childish; “I don’t need your maths, I have a calculator!” But do you know what to type into it? Behold the deafening silence...
Wonder why we need to have such an unwieldy public sector full to the brim with mental defectives doing ‘highly important’ ‘jobs’ that no one fucking needed done in the first place. Paperclip Coordinator on £50k a year anyone? Every council has two.
It is of the highest importance that we make schooling appear “fun” (as opposed to actually useful). So the kids can spend their time listening to the ground-breaking social commentary of N Dubz and asking themselves “how does this make me feel?” (feelings are of the highest importance!) and all of this will count towards their ‘Holistic Philosophy BTEC’ (worth ten million A grades at GCSE dontcha know) but never will they be expected or required to exercise their cognitive faculties.
What’s cogaltive fackulty? Is that the new N Dubz song?
For irrefutable proof that our society has fucked itself, see following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsocXXe1KSw
Posted in Average Brit has three mysterious keys
"If I want to get into the house the butler will open the door for me"
You leave him alone in your house?
I lock mine in the garden shed before I leave. You can't be too careful these days, I once caught him drinking a glass of water. I told him that 'I do PAY for that water you know' and he gave me some cock and bull story about having human rights. Liberals today just can't live without their handouts!
being opinionated
works for me.
Also I just wanted to add the following thought of mine:
This sort of thing is generally frowned on among real journalists as it amounts to little more than reproducing information already published by someone else.
'top talent'
code for: no training provided.
IE9 uses hardware?
Well it won't be using mine.
cookies?
really?
so you want to censor the internet and log all of our personal correspondence in a government stalkabase, but you CARE about our privacy so you are going to restrict the use of cookies? Wow. *slow clap*.
Maybe stop this fear mongering about cookies (because that's what it is) and actually EXPLAIN what they are and what they do. Not just spew nonsense like "tracky advert behavioral website file linky download" that only serves to make people confused and frightened. THEN you can work on restricting their use (note: I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing)
Shit a brick.
It was an inside job,
by the well connected.
Your little protest, so merrily rejected.
"say hello to a future where the majority of intelligentsia use VPNs "
Yeah and when internet access is filtered throughout the world, what are the “intelligentsia” going to do then? Uplink to Mars?
You have to fight it NOW. You can use a VPN in the interim but that is not a solution anymore than wiping your ass on your shirt tails is a solution for being out of toilet paper.
As you are qualified to setup a VPN, you are the most qualified to fight this thing, the fact that you choose not to is going to be a severe let down for those not articulate enough to know what is being taken from them (until it is already gone that is). No it’s not porn, it’s freedom.
When the country in which your VPN is hosted starts taking it up the ass from armchair fascists that want nothing more than to tell you what to watch, you might just see the flaw in your perfect plan and wish that perhaps you had done something about it a decade ago when you still had the chance.
Posted in IT job seekers can't smell spell
"If you can't be arsed tailoring your CV to the vacancy..."
I may spend an hour writing a covering letter, but I will NOT change my CV.
My CV gives an overview of my experience and capabilities, if these are considered to be "not relevant" then the recruiters can swivel on it. I don't apply to jobs I wouldn't be able to do.
It seems to me that job specs are so specific now that the only person 'properly qualified' to get the job, is the person who just left it. This is tragic, as some people have this stupid-ass thing they do called learning that SHOCK employers can use to their benefit! Imagine that, people can learn. Wouldn't have fucking guessed it would you?
Furthermore, I actually take pride in sending off a CV and covering letter without spelling errors. Do I ever get an email back from anyone? No I fucking don't.
The council.
Here's a fun game you can play with them:
Phone up, act panicked and state in a hysterical voice "did you know that the air our children are breathing is full of NITROGEN?". Hang up without offering any further explanation for your hysteria.
Laugh your ass off when they publicly announce their intention to ban Nitrogen.
Re: "Can you imagine a 'crack flavored' ice cream?"
aint nobody smoking crack on Tuesday then donating their breast milk on Wednesday.
And besides, if you could get high from breast milk, don't you think the addict would drink her own? Drugs are expensive.
oh boy
"Let the market regulate itself.... oh hang on, the market wants something we can't mass produce in China? Better get the banhammer out."
replacement for Steve Jobs
A 20 foot sealed Perspex tube with a plastic shopping bag floating in it.
It will glow lightly at the base and spout off in a harsh robotic voice.
“OUR NEW PRODUCT IS THE GOOD. IT IS THE GOOD MORE THAN OTHER PRODUCT OF MICROSOFT. THIS IS ACCEPT YOU THE FACTS. TUBE KNOWLEDGE MORE THAN YOUR SPECIES. HUMAN BRAIN IS 0%”
Groundhog day
'What would you do if you were stuck in one place ... and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?'
They made a movie about my job? When can I see it?
"the way porn is seeping into the mainstream."
I find that shocking too, the way advertisers use sex to sell their trashy products.
Or the way in which trashy shows shamelessly use sex appeal to get people sat in front of the TV watching those adverts.
"I don't agree with the argument that if we restrict anything available on the internet we'll turn into China."
Why is everything measured in terms of China or Hitler? Because you're not-quite-Hitler(TM) yet it's okay. I have a strange idea: why don't you forget about China for two seconds and start thinking about Britain? You know, freedom and all that shit? Some of us know people who died for it.
Re: "So I take it that you live in a house built by yourself"
That'll always be the dream.
Maybe more people would build their own houses if they had tens of thousands of pounds in disposable income and a couple of years free time. Unfortunately people are rarely that lucky.
People do however have a couple of free weekends a month, an internet connection, and a couple hundred quid lying around. Maybe not everyone, but a lot of people. And some of them could certainly understand how to FTP a zip file up to a webserver and extract. It's not like it was designed to be hard.
Besides, you seem to be forgetting that ordinary people DO sometimes build their own houses and cars. They have to be very lucky to be in a position where such a thing is possible, but "skill" is not the limiting factor. Money is.
We outsource projects primarily because it is cost effective to do so. But when you're talking about the cost of a small community website, you really aren't talking that much money at all. Certainly not if you split it a dozen ways.
You don't HAVE to do everything yourself, but when you are being censored by a corporation that doesn't care, you really SHOULD do it yourself. I hope you can understand the difference between that and "building your own car" (Which you would do BTW, if car manufacturers suddenly started telling you where to drive. Luckily they don't.).
"but you expect the IT-illiterate to run their own forums."
It's not that hard.
Surely one person in their group knows his arse from an ethernet cable? Surely one of them has a kid who does? Surely one of them can use Google to find out? Surely one of them can ask for help from any of the numerous unemployed "web designers" who are practically working for free these days? Surely one of them has an ounce of drive and ambition? Surely there is someone who can get things done? Anyone?
Our ancestors built the fucking sewers and the underground system and the national grid and the rail networks. So don't you tell me that a forum is "too hard".
Do something for yourself once in a while, you never know, you just might like it.
It's NOT. THAT. HARD.
Don't sit around and cry when Mother Facebook won't let you suckle. It's pathetic. You owe it to yourself to have some dignity once in a while and LEARN how to do something.
Posted in HBGary 'puppets' FAIL to convince
nevermind,
the shills are easy to spot. They talk just like the marketing droids that they are and come out with weird arguments such as:
"product A is the best because of its horizontal strategy mobilization"
Case in point: "I like Starbucks because of their friendly customer orientated personnel, allegations that their coffee tastes "like pee" are a false paradigm implementation. Our, I mean their staff are trained to the highest standards of rigorisation. I rebuke your insinuation that a company with 17.8% profit growth does not facilitate adequate coffee mouth feel."
"God... imagine if you unleashed this beast on the reg's comments section?"
We human types are ambiguous. We have nearly endless ways to say the same thing.
We possesses an over-abundance of phraseology for equal concepts. In other words, humans can articulate equivalent answers in a multiplicity of natural language structures, or to put it into words of one syllable; There is a long list of ways in which we are able to say one thing. We simply obfuscate concepts using the full variety of language for aesthetic purposes. Or to put it simply, an idea can have numerous equal expressions in written or verbal form. A collection of apparently different words and phrases can be evaluated to reach a singular interpretation.
They call themselves security professionals?
You know I was going to try and write something insightful here but really there is nothing insightful that can be said about this group of useless slackers. The only white hats they own must taper to a sharp point at the end and sport the capital letter 'D'.
