646 posts • joined Thursday 17th February 2011 17:30 GMT
i have a story about analingus
i wonder what well know facebook user can sponsor it...
hmm well it would have to be someone desperate to get laid, desperate enough to build a voyeuristic social networking site and trick his rich influential university peers into spreading it around.
perverts nowadays can use facebook to stalk gorgeous sexy people, but they owe it all to the original pervert to invent the dream.
this is what happens when society falls
you think you will get compensation haha fuck you no you wont.
you can just enjoy being homeless when your rent cheque goes boing. obviously they dont care.
Re: It must be extremely lonely way up there in that ivory tower of yours.
I've got broadband and Vaseline.
quite happy with my AKGs and the outlay for a quality pair was minimal compared to some of this.
you are not even a real man until you drop your headphones on the floor daily. And the AKGs still work fine, I have damaged my hearing with them quite severely, because you can just keep turning them up and they get more awesome linearly. and they never distort, ever. they also have quite a good amount of padding to shield out the shit awful sound of reality and suffering and the like. even so, i turn them way up so that i cant hear the shit awful sound of my own thoughts.
yet another sign that society is failing
soon it will be illegal to experience happiness, but you won't be in any danger of breaking that law, as any tinge of happiness you may have felt years ago has long since been ground out of your brain in a tedious process of humiliation and compulsory self degradation that includes rituals such as buying iphones and acting cool. but now that you are utterly bankrupt of your human characteristics, you begin to wonder why you exist at all, and, it doesnt look good for you i'm afraid. your future is at best, extremely bleak. i can imagine a wealth of ways in which you will probably suffer, it is more than likely im afraid.
our new licence
once you open the cellophane you agree to carry out your slavely duties under section 3 of the end user slaving agreement.
ps. because we are a big company we dont have to treat you with respect
SHE IS ALREADY PRACTISING HER FROWN FACE
now in accordance with marital policy Zuck will have his dick and balls shrink wrapped.
hello uk population is being trolled
active military trolling in this sector is shutting down our internets, and you are just going to take it.
haha fucker now you know why they is been flying helicopters over your house daily. does it feel good in your brain to have that knowledge? no.
y u no do anything?
when you feel low, look at Zuckerberg
and remember that he will NEVER find true love.
hello i am delighted to be alive at your expense
i am currently squatting in your summer house. your wifi is good for all the music and porn im downloading. pirated of course. PS. ive added some stains on your toilet that aint going nowhere.
hello i am going to destroy you
and you are going to be made to enjoy your destruction
then, i will build you back up again and destroy you a second time
that time you will made not to enjoy your destruction.
you will jump when i say frog.
you will bark when i say dog
you will be made to smoke sub-standard crack.
I will be home for dinner honey,
Joe 'Typical Record Company Executive'
Executive Director of Typical Music.
yes I'm talking to you Tony Blair, you did this on purpose, you lubricious swine. I'm going to have fun with you in the afterlife, motherfucker.
these pussies think thats a firing, ive fired more people than that with my dick. these amateurs disgust me.
Zuckerberg was just a dangerous lunatic all along.
forgive me if i say i told you so HA.
as you can see the police state coming in now
get ready for your secret trail shitface, what does it matter, we will all be in the gulags by the time this whole shitty mess collapses around us. and flooding the country with tourists for the 2012 nolympics was all part of their plan to destablise things so when the country is full and there are no police, and criminals running rampant killing children and small animals on every street corner, then you will learn what it feels like to have your life in a database with some jobsworth touching you up every 5 minutes asking for your ID card. you think you will be able to get petrol then? ha fucking ha. you will be lucky if some hoody doesnt slash your tyres and your face and make off with the last of your savings which by the way wont be worth fuck all when the banks collapse which they already did.
so eat shit and die, because you wont be able to afford to eat anything else.
so you mean that smug, self satisfied, toilet seat sniffer
runs an organisation that pays himself most of the donations? wow
he did it to scare the other kids. now they know their friend's dad will come round and shoot the fuck out of them if they do anything wrong.
i wish someone would put the kids in charge of the school
tired of schools run by idiots you know?
are for shutting down innovation so that nobody can ever compete with the megacorps.
Any corporation big enough to have lawyers on staff is already doing what it wants in complete contravention to patents and international law. They don't even care enough to hide it now. What this means is that some guy in a shed will never be allowed to add a fuel cell to a phone even if the chances are good he will do it better and cheaper than Apple and treat his customers more fairly.
Corporations like Apple are so cowardly that they won't even compete with the cottage industries because they know in any truly free market they would be beaten effortlessly (on every issue of customer satisfaction and technical brilliance) by guys who don't even have lawyers. That's how Apple was founded! Wake Up.
The fact that today's youth and inventors are not scared of such broad patents shows just how little intellect it really takes to get yourself a degree these days. When human invention is signed off wholesale to 4 or 5 top megacorps who we know are evil, and nobody even cares, that's when we have a problem.
People claim to love Apple, but then exhibit an anti-invention anti-intellectual standpoint that is just shocking. Proof if you need it that these people haven't heard of Steve Wozniak before. They just want a phone that looks good when you dance around in front of a bluescreen waving the headphone cord around. Pathetic.
WRONG SIR, WRONG
YOU PIRATED FIZZY LIFTING DRINKS, YOU BUMPED INTO THE CEILING WHICH NOW HAS TO BE WASHED, AND STERILIZED, SO YOU GET NOTHING. YOU LOSE. GOOD DAY SIR.
this is why I don't have a smartphone.
Once you know the truth, that smartphones are designed to sap and impurify your precious bodily fluids, you just can't submit to having one. It's the secret policeman in your pocket. It only takes a room temperature IQ to figure out that they're using it to spy on you, I mean, duh. How obvious does it have to get?
Ballmer's missing a trick
He needs to be selling himself. He needs to say "look at me, I'm the CEO of Microsoft, and my job is so easy, because of all this great enterprise software we have: - don't you wish you could run your company from a chair? I can! Golf Anyone? At Microsoft we are selling a philosophy; How to run a 21st century business. Our software builds the framework, so the more of it you subscribe to, the more tightly integrated your business will be to our successful Microsoft model. You can make your company as scalable as ours. Almost instantly. Roll up and take a chance, once again, my name is Steve Ballmer, and I'm the billionaire CEO on easy street.
Then cut to the wide shot of him serving up BBQ to his dearest.
ballmer would be more engaging if you gave him a mr blobby suit
he could jump around and shout blobby blobby blobby and break things. Noel Edmonds would have to turn up unannounced and give him a ticking off. It would be a lot of fun for the staff of Microsoft. Then they can eat cake and icecream and play on the bouncy castle. I think less people would walk out because they would all be waiting for their goody bags. Everyone gets a box of crayons and a drawing of the Windows logo to colour in. They could play the latest S Club 7 songs.
if theyre gunna be stuck in the 90s anyway, they might as well have some fun!
you'd think it'd be easy to make friends on a site with 800 million users, but its not, its the opposite. Ive made more friends on forums with ~10 users than I have on Facebook.
it's this ridiculous notion that everyone on earth must either be "your friend" or "not your friend". Its inconcievable, according to Zuckerberg, that there could ever be any middle ground! This encourages an extreme binary seperation between your friends and "everyone else". Because those other people, they suck! You don't want to talk to them. Trust Mark, he knows these things.
training in the impact of IT?
Now Jeeves I'm going to hit you over the head with this iPad and I want you to write down your thoughts on the impact, can you do that for me Jeeves?
okay so now we know it hurts more if I hit you with the glass side, that's a very interesting finding, but we need to make sure it's repeatable. Run down to the store and buy another dozen iPads chop chop.
While you're there I'll wheel the racks over to the window for the next round of tests. Which was your car Jeeves?
you don't get it
Facebook don't want to sell your data anymore, nobody wants your data anyway, except maybe the odd opportunist criminal. No, their plan is now much bigger.
Their plan is actually to control you at the emotional level, to do what Facebook's clients want, for profit.
Let me explain. Human behaviour is a product of human social interactions. Human social interactions are now mediated by Facebook. If they want you to buy more, they turn down the relevance of your non-spendthrift friends. Where relevance is a literal integer, the value of which genuinely and in real life controls how many of your friend's messages get through to you and at what time after they were posted. Turn the relevance down, and the non-relevant person becomes a non-person.
Facebook's algorithms therefore impose on real life a new model of behaviour.
It gets worse.
Now applications (application is code for 'Facebook client company') are given actual permission to fabricate your firends communications with you. Fabricate means make up. Make up to say "I have just spent a lot of money on a product that I think you should buy". This can be done either explicitly or just as effectively using subtle psychological tricks such as picturing your friends next to expensive products (try and stop your brain from assuming they own them, ooops, you can't).
Why do you need user data, when you can cut that part out and just control the users directly? You think it's hard? LOL get 750 million people together in a group and they will do anything. Especially if you tell them their friends are doing it.
But it still gets worse.
Now thanks to Facebook people have a new set of parameters by which to define friendship. An artifical set of paramets invented by marketing companies and Facebook, designed to fit computational models of the economy. Economic models of people, not psychological ones. The upshot is we will all suffer from horrible life changing mental illnesses, but at least Mark is rich.
This social control phenomenon also constitutes a full and complete explanation of the August riots. Anyway don't worry about it, just remember to drink Dr Pepper brand cola. What's the worst that could happen?
It's a crying shame, but somehow I'm sure there will always be a market in motherboards that aren't crippled in this way.
Such a move would also create a new market in high quality firmware cracking tools just as there are already high quality Microsoft cracking tools. 'High Quality' means that they work and are not malicious, which is ironic because the copy protection mechanisms that they remove often do not work (self evidently) and are malicious (you're basically being spied on).
Inevitably though such firmware lockout schemes will make it into the millions of low quality computers that Dell and Acer must be selling at cost price these days. All Microsoft has to do is offer them another couple of dollars off Windows and the temptation to screw their customers would be overpowering as usual.
There is probably a market for this kind of thing in set top boxes and the like, when manufacturer's want to sell their hardware as a loss leader, and don't want some "scum" "bag" installing a proper OS on it and using it as a cheap PC. The Xbox will probably have this new firmware in it. But then the Xbox also breaks 5 times a day so there you have it.
we need something other than general purpose web browsers
for secure traffic.
Using a general purpose web browser to do your banking is getting to be like cleaning your teeth with a shotgun. We need something much less powerful, with much more emphasis on safety.
We need simple 'banking clients', based on the best available encryption technology, and everytime that technology gets patched, your client breaks until you download the update. Your bank should rightfully be seen as negligent if they too do not upgrade ASAP (yes, that means someone at the bank actually has to do some WORK once in a while, sorry to break it to you like that). It is a deriliction of duty to use the same shit that doesn't work for decades, then sit on your hands and blame everyone else when it goes wrong.
Yes you can bitch and moan about having to install constant updates, but this is security we're talking about, not some fucking parlor game.
A web browser is like a pub, different pubs are good for different reasons, but none of them are good for banking. Thats why you go to your local BANK, if they're not too busy closing it down so the CEO can pocket another hundred million.
So in summary, bankers are the only people in the world who can afford to take on such a software project, and they're still not going to.
which means the government has to do it, which means, guess what, that'll be another billion taxes straight to Microsoft. Maybe Microsoft should just buy HMRC. And, 25 years later, they might come up with some dicky bullshit software based on a phone tablet toaster PC that you can use on your flower arranging table on the moon. And it'll only cost a million pounds in the UK and 3 dollars in the US.
""""I won't say I'm not saying I love where we are, but I'm very optimistic to where I think we can be," Ballmer said. "I think with a little bit more effort, a little bit more energy, the level of enthusiasm from the customer base is high enough we've just got to kick this thing to the next level. And I think we're in absolute good shape in order to be a very strong third ecosystem in the smart phone world.""""
The last time I heard incoherent ramblings this bad, they were coming from Charlie Sheen.
"Why is it always pretty girls attached to articles about A-Level results?"
It's a subtle clue that there is something our society values more than grades.
A-levels? Or T&A-levels?
they got their results a day early?
the world is turning to absolute shit!
- It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources
- How UK air traffic control system was caught asleep on the job
- Pic NASA Mars tank Curiosity rolls on old WET PATCH, sighs, sniffs for life signs
- Google embiggens its fat vid pipe Chromecast with TEN new supported apps
- Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones